


Not Like That

by Khemi



Series: The NLTiverse [1]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: ALL THE SMUT IS SKIPPABLE, AR/Jake, Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Age Difference, Almost!Brobot!Auto-Responder, Anal Sex, Basically Strifing, Blow Jobs, BroJake, Bromance to Romance, Cheating, Coming of Age, Davrezi, Denial, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, First Crush, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up, Hammertime - Freeform, Hand Jobs, Humanstuck, Intercrural Sex, Jadekat - Freeform, Loneliness, Look When It Gets Angsty It's REALLY ANGSTY okay?, M/M, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Violence, MomDad, Not Like That, POV Multiple, Rimming, Sadstuck, Sexual Tension, Smuppets, Suspicions, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, also featuring, johnkat - Freeform, kind of?, rosemary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2017-11-23 09:09:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 115
Words: 302,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khemi/pseuds/Khemi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So <em>what</em>? John, you are <em>in love</em> with this fucking idiot, we established that back in fucking March, remember? Love doesn't wait. It's here and now and you have to fucking go with it when it calls because if you fuck it up, you aren't going to get a second shot."</p><p>---</p><p>A story spanning many years, about first crushes, falling in love and growing up, and all the joy and heartbreak that it brings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ==> John: Have A Movie Night

**Author's Note:**

> **ON HIATUS**
> 
>  
> 
> ((Written by Khemi but Gobetti gets a co because she's put a lot of work into this too!))
> 
> Edit: So it's my first fanfiction and IDEK where this came from. But BroJohn needs more love, so have some BroJohn. My OTPs are showing.
> 
> This fic is done in short chapters to be begin with, although they lengthen later on. I suggest you catch up by viewing the whole work if you are a new reader! I took a decision to write it that way early on, and I'm noting it here just so new readers know! At the point of writing, I have switched to longer chapters though. :)

"Dave."

Nothing but the slight static responded. John pouted, strumming his fingers on his desk in the natural piano-playing position they rested in, just in front of his keyboard, then adjusted his mic and more insistently called a louder, "Daaaaaaaave."

Movie night was a best bro institution! It was their thing! Every Friday night for the past year they'd sat up together, picked a great (or shit) movie, and settled in to stream it and chat and laugh and argue over its quality until it was time to drag themselves to bed. Dave wouldn't let the side down! He even set the video-calls to auto-answer because it was set in stone that John would call him then, like clockwork, like gospel. He totally always showed up, he was just in the bathroom or something, he would never leave John hanging!

"Dave!" Nothing. "Dave!"

Wow okay he was taking a long time. But he was clearly there. Clearly.

"DAAAAAAAAVE!"

There was a loud crash, dulled through a wall, which definitely did not sound like someone casually returning to their room. It sounded a lot more like someone storming to it, cursing in a barely audible stream that John couldn't quite make out the contents of, although he was pretty sure some of that was Japanese (he was dimly aware of it from the animes Dave had insisted on subjecting him to) and also pretty sure Dave was about to get a stern talking to about leaving certain bros waiting for him while he did whatever and then being pissy about answering his own computer-

_-aaaand_ that wasn't Dave.

Without meaning to, he shrank in his chair, confronted with a full screen of Dave's doorway, now filled with 6'6" of drowsy looking, angry Texan, a shaggy mop of blonde hair down around his face, larger, pointed shades a little askew where he was scratching irritatedly at one of his sideburns. He was broad at the shoulder, muscular and tan, with a toned torso that pulled in to a tight waist and also the boxers that were the only thing he was wearing. So freckles did go further down than the face, John noted in a desperation not to note anything more intimidating, staring at the dark glass roughly where eyes should be like a deer caught in blacked out headlights.

"Huh." Oh good he was moving over, leaning forward on the desk with gloved hands splayed just in sight, clearly focused intently on the screen with mouth in a tight line. "You Dave's boyfriend?"

"No!" John yelped loudly, then coughed as a single eyebrow swept upwards. "Uh, no, sir, Mister Strider, I'm just his friend-"

"Bro."

"Well, yeah, that too-"

"No. It's Bro. Don't call me Mister Strider, Jesus Christ I'm not that old." Not that old equated to roughly the same age as Dad, John guessed, looking him over closely, which was weird because John had always thought that was pretty old before. Nonetheless he nodded, and the tensed shoulders relaxed a little. "Why the fuck did you wake me up anyway, kid? Davey's out with his girlfriend."

His girlfriend? Dave had a girlfriend? How had this not been something he was told? That was a massive violation of the best bro code and if Dave had actually run off with some hussie when it was movie night John would...would...get totally upset with him and stuff! That would teach him.

"What?"

"Some chick named Teezee or something, I don't even care. But he ain't due back tonight. Staying at her place. Made sure the dude had protection and then told him if any of it was actually needed I'd hang him off the roof." Bro's attention was finally off of John, as he rifled through Dave's stuff until he produced an apple juice and sipped it, pulling a face and setting it back down a moment later. "Shit that's sick. Sorry to break it to you but the little man's got all whipped as fuck. What did you even want? I'll tell him if I remember once I've slept this shit off."

"...movie night."

"Movie night? You wanna go out on a platonic bro date or something."

"No! Oh my God, I don't want to date Dave. It is movie night. Right now. He's meant to watch one of my favorite movies with me I've been begging him to for months and it was finally the night and he's off with a girl instead of here with me!" John sniffed, pouting just a little. This was stinging quite a bit actually. It was mostly the abandonment, but also the jarring realisation Dave had real life friends, people he actually went out with, he wasn't stuck in a house all the time alone but for his father. "It isn't fair! He didn't even tell me! Tell him he's a jerk!"

"That I totally can do. Right well if that's everything, I'm going back to fucking bed."

John rubbed his eyes on his sleeve and nodded, staring at his desk as he definitely did not almost actually cry. For a while, the static continued, then it cut off with the hang-up tone and John shuffled his feet, imagining Dave out somewhere laughing and chatting with people who weren't him, and weren't just on a screen. That thought sucked hard, so he thought about watching the movie alone and even that didn't cheer him up much, because it wasn't any fun without Dave. He was jealous of his best friend having other friends. That made him a total selfish dick. A totally upset, lonely selfish dick. Yes it did.

He pulled off his earphones and dumped them on his desk. Fucking Dave. Fucking movie night ruining Dave. Maybe this was hormones and stuff but seriously he felt terrible and he didn't have some girlfriend to go running to to make it all better. He had a bunny, which he cuddled like the totally mature fourteen year old he was. The bunny was his friend. There! He did have a friend in real life! Suck on that, Strider!

It took him a few moments to actually notice the trill of a ringtone, and when he looked up from whispering to the bunny about what a bitch Dave's girlfriend clearly was his screen had a flashing video chat invite from Dave's account. First up Dave never called him first, and second Dave was not home, so he'd been told. Maybe Bro was lying? Dave was actually there?

He bounced over and accepted it before he'd finished fumbling his headphones on, bunny now in his lap, his smile dimming when the window reopened to Bro, now in a white shirt at least.

"Oh. Hi."

"What movie were you gonna watch?"

"Um, why?" John shuffled the bunny out of view, and swore the corners of that impassive mouth twitched in a smirk. "I mean, I was going to go to bed now, I guess."

"Were you gonna cuddle that thing all night long?"

"Shut up! No! Maybe."

"So what movie was it? Work with me here, come on, I'm pretty sure I'm still hungover."

John frowned at him, then mumbled the name, watching him type away until a link for a stream popped up in the chat window beside the video. He didn't click it, giving the shades a look he hoped was questioning but probably came across more gormless.

"You looked like a sad puppy that I was kicking with every word I said so because my bro is a fuckup who just leaves his friends in the cold I guess I will be the host of your movie night tonight and then you can stop being depressed and I can go back to sleep with a clear fucking conscience, okay?"

That wasn't quite what he'd expected. Given Dave's descriptions of Bro swung from 'he's the coolest shit ever' to 'he's the world's biggest douchebag', or often were both simultaneously, this felt like a trap. The link was probably porn. He totally shouldn't click it. Stranger danger and all that jazz, after all, this was like a thirty something guy he'd never actually talked to before. John hovered his mouse and then wondered what Dave would even say if he knew John had spoken to Bro, given how quickly he quit chat whenever his brother actually walked in.

"Plus I ain't got anything better to do so I figured what the hell. It's this or sleeping." Oh right Bro was still there, watching him inwardly debate this with his stupid thinking expression where he sucked his whole mouth to the the left and bit his bottom lip. He rapidly dropped it for a less derpy look, flushing to the tips of his ears. "If the movie's shit, which it is, you better prepare yourself for me giving it a patented Strider redub and improving the whole fucking thing to levels never before witnessed though, kid."

What the hell, he had nothing else to do but cuddle a bunny.

"It's John." He offered, settling back and clicking the link.

.:.

It wasn't porn, and he really hated to admit it but Bro's version of the movie was as funny as it was heretical. It started with odd comments, then when John giggled once or twice it built up into a full commentary, switching to text when John shooshed him at the best parts, then back as soon as he thought he could get away with it. John as always excitedly interjected about the genius of the best moments, which Bro blew raspberries to and proceeded to 'improve' them. The only time he didn't was when John emotionally reenacted the reunion with his bunny and Bro as his loving daughter, and at the end they both laughed and John realised at some point Bro had started smiling and laughing and he was a lot less scary when he wasn't deadpanning.

He was kind of likeable. Sort of. Maybe.

"That was shit." The Strider announced as the credits rolled, stretching his arms out and cracking his elbows loudly. "Total and utter shit."

Nope. John took it all back. He was a total douche.

"That was incredible don't even lie, you cannot fault that film, that film is perfection."

"No, no, pretty sure it's still shit."

John snorted, leaning his head on his hand and doing an overdramatic roll of his eyes. "You were totally into it. Come on, man, the bunny. You were my Casey. That stuff was heartwarming."

"You are such a dork."

"Yeah well you totally are too! I've seen beyond the shadowy figure of mystery now, and he's a total dork who talks over great films and ruins them-"

"-improves them-"

"-for fun while making stupid faces and doing voices. Oh my God, you're totally not cool. You're the opposite of cool."

"I think you'll find it's cool because it's beautifully ironic."

"That doesn't even make sense!" He threw up his hands, then lowered them and considered the smile on his face and the way his jaw hurt from laughing and all of the other things he usually only got from time talking to Dave. "But. Thanks. It was fun."

"Yeah it was." Bro replied with a shrug, sipping the orange juice that had just fucking appeared in his hand halfway through the movie, though he swore he'd gone and got it from the kitchen, "You're alright for a total derp."

"You're alright for a total poser."

"Ouch. I'm hurt, John. I thought we had something special."

"Oh shoosh. I need to go to bed before Dad comes in and finds me talking to a guy twice my age." Curiosity reared its head, and he frowned. Dave had actually never said it, far as he could remember. "Huh. How old are you, actually?"

"Thirty one." Bro conceded reluctantly, like parting with the information caused him physical pain. "I'm not that old."

"Oh. So only...seventeen years older than me."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Like I said, I'm going to bed. Thank you for saving movie night, oh mighty Bro." John bowed over-dramatically, and straightened to another smile that quickly faded to a deadpan. "Truly, you are the greatest. It is you."

"Damn straight. Sleep well, you little princess you. Don't forget your bunny."

"Shut up."

"No you shut up."

A few minutes of back and forth and John finally hung up, smiling at his screen for a minute as the warm fuzzing in his stomach ceased to fade. So he guessed Bro was a little cool, though he'd never admit that. Just as he went to switch off, the text widow pinged one last time before Dave's account went offline.

TG: timaeusTestified  
TG: If you ever want to bitch about Dave or whatever.  
TG: Night, kid.

So that made five friends and a bunny, he decided as he sent a chum request before shutting his computer down, even if Dave could never know of his forbidden broship with the elder Strider. He would totally do one of his ridiculous acrobatic pirouettes off the handle and act like the world was ending, John could see it already. Nope. If he was going to be a dick and run off with some girl John could totally run off with-

No. Wait. What?

-could totally become friends with Bro. Fair's fair. Yeah.

He hopped into bed, and did not snuggle the bunny all night long at all.


	2. ==> Bro: Wake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bro has his first day of the Egbert Experience and Dave is fashionably late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness you are such lovely people. Accept my humble offering of Bro being Bro in a chapter I didn't even mean to write.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 08:03 am --

EB: hey bro!  
EB: good morning :)  
TT: Holy fucking shit it's eight in the morning go to sleep this is fucking unholy, John. My morning starts at twelve, and that's early, alright?  
EB: but i'm bored and dave still isn't back for me to tell him he's a massive dick :(  
EB: besides you accepted my friend request ten minutes ago so I know you were awake!  
TT: Stalker, much?  
EB: shoooooooosh.  
EB: i also wanted to find out if we're totally bros now because we totally are, so can i actually talk to you whenever or was it just a pity thing?  
EB: i don't have that many people to talk to so  
TT: Oh my God it's the kicked puppy thing again.  
TT: Okay, I'm up, I'll talk, but just so you know your insecurities are showing.  
TT: I too don't have many people who can stand my company on account of me being a massive bag of dicks. If you can stand my company well done, you make the 'people I hate marginally less than the rest of the world' list. Hey, look, your name's fresh at the bottom, congratulations.  
TT: Second, considering I'd like to think Davey won't be a douche and run out on you again, I think I can schedule you in for some time that isn't late on a Friday night, somewhere on my busy calendar of not giving a fuck.  
TT: Lastly I will not deny that pity played a part of this. I do pity you, John. I pity you intensely, with your big sad blue eyes and your trembly lip. You are like a baby panda who just got bitch slapped. Who could avoid pitying that? But if that was all it was I wouldn't be talking to you now. You would have cashed in your fucks-I-give coupon last night and I would be off and getting on with my life without a second thought of sad baby panda John.  
TT: Has that laid your fragile mind to rest?  
EB: wow you are a bit of a dick.  
TT: Shock of the century right there.  
EB: but you sound way more grown up when you type.  
TT: I resent the implication I am anything other than an immature man-child.  
TT: You take that back this instant.  
EB: he he he  
EB: alright you are totally an immature dork!  
EB: what totally cool dude stuff are you doing today, mister cool dude?  
TT: Well I had a strenuous day of lying in bed snoring planned but you've put pay to that, so I guess I actually have to shift my ass and do something resembling work. Maybe I'll cook myself a gourmet breakfast of pop tarts and OJ as a break from my typical dry cereal.  
TT: Then I suppose I should get my track list ready for tonight, get some practise in, maybe strife Dave on your sad panda behalf when he turns up.  
EB: you actually do strife with dave???  
EB: like with swords on the roof?  
TT: Yes. It's a thing we do. Why? Does it upset your sensible normal person sensibilities?  
EB: no! we all just thought dave was making that up to sound cool.  
TT: If he tells you he ever wins, then yes, he's making that shit up.  
TT: He screams like a little girl when I jump him from behind.  
EB: he he he :)  
TT: I'm going to go ahead and guess you have nothing better to do than bother me all day, at least until Dave shows his face.  
EB: nope. my dad wants me to go bake with him but i refuse to succumb to the batterwitch's vile sugary charms, and rose and jade aren't online yet.  
TT: Huh. So Dave does have more than one female friend.  
EB: yes...  
TT: I thought he was making that shit up to sound cool.  
EB: pffffff!  
EB: like dave is cool!  
EB: he's a bigger dork that you are.  
TT: Obviously, because I'm not a dork.  
EB: you keep saying that and maybe someday it will be true!  
TT: John.  
EB: you did the voices and everything.  
TT: John, shut up.  
TT: Screw this I want breakfast.  
TT: Cal can keep you company while I'm gone.  
EB: wait. you mean the puppet thing?  
EB: dave always complains about that!  
EB: i bet it isn't even that bad!

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] sent file heeheehoohoo.jpg at 08:35am --

EB: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST  
EB: that is the scariest thing i've ever seen oh my god bro  
EB: bro  
EB: don't leave with with it oh my god  
EB: i can feel it watching me  
EB: bro  
EB: broooooooo  
EB: come back  
EB: all these years i made fun of the way dave spoke about the puppet  
EB: but holy shit okay  
EB: the puppet  
EB: oh my god  
EB: please come back?  
TT: Hah!  
TT: Fuck you're as pathetic as Davey.  
TT: Cal is the shit, kid.  
EB: shut up!!!  
TT: I'm seriously going now, and John?  
TT: Cal says he'll be right here the whole time.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] is now an idle chum! --

.:.

It took him a while of rifling through smuppets to find some actual food in the kitchen. Just under five minutes, so they were still good, under the shopping threshhold, and in a caring gesture he put all of the smuppets back exactly as they'd been for Dave to have the pleasure of exploring later, making sure there were just enough against the cupboard doors a smuppet-avalanche was inevitable. Dave would thank him for that. Or at least scream his name at the top of his lungs and get a 'you're welcome' in response.

He popped the toaster and caught the shurikens that bounced out of it in a smooth motion, flicking them to embed in the wall above the fireworks-laden blender, then casually slipped in the poptarts and watched the wires spark to a comforting golden glow inside the metal maw, snatching them when they were done and biting into the first's molten hot core with no regrets.

Ah, warm food. What a rare delight.

His phone buzzed in his pocket as he slouched onto the futon, so he knocked it out, observed the blue with narrow eyes as though trying to discern some greater meaning behind it. Considering his general appearance and attitude, he had never really been a social butterfly. He was the sort of person who went to bars to sit in the corner and glare at the younger people getting shitfaced because they were disturbing his drink and drowning out the music. The sort of person whose friends consisted of a drunkard, a sweet-as-anything but probably insane chick and that one douchebag with the yacht who hadn't replied to his messages in months so was currently only just on that list at all.

And apparently some fourteen year old kid who thought he was worth talking to. There was something vaguely uneasy about that thought.

John was less annoying than most people. Well, no, he imagined most people found him really frustrating, but he was blunt, and open, and Bro found that endearing given how many lying, two-faced assholes he had to deal with day-to-day. Someone who just told him outright he was a dick was a welcome breath of fresh air. The only other person who could actually look at him and insult him was Dave, and that was only because he knew even in their worst strifes Bro held back, just a little, just enough to cut and not sever, to injure but not kill, even if Dave acted like every wound deeper than a milimeter _was_ going to kill him, crying overdramatic farewells and swooning as Bro saw to them and pointed out they weren't actually that fucking bad.

He was getting off topic, mind starting to drift off into the constant inner monologue that gave him his constant expression of deadpanned deep thought, so he shrugged and picked up his phone.

EB: my dad made me a cake for breakfast.  
EB: a cake.  
EB: i thought it was bad when he just made them for fun but now they are invading my actual meals!  
EB: it's too late to save him, he is in her filthy, sugary clutches.  
EB: i can only do my best to resist her charms before i fall to them and all hope is lost!  
TT: John what the fuck are you even talking about.  
EB: i got downstairs and Dad had made me this big chocolate and strawberry monstrosity, bro, with white whipped creams spikes and jam and chocolate chips. it was horrible.  
TT: Wow, yeah, when you get made such terrible, delicious food, however do you survive?  
EB: it's hard, bro. it's hard and nobody understands.

God, he really wanted a cake now. He hadn't had actual baked goods in about a year. The door to his apartment called him, but he resisted it, because he was cool. Poptarts were a perfect part of a balanced diet. He'd had his fill.

EB: i mean look at this thing!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] sent file herfingersareinallthepies.jpg at 09:14am --

Oh good lord, it looked like the fake one in Portal. Holy fuck, he _needed_ a goddam cake right the fuck now.

TT: Oh yeah, I can see the suffering right there. I mean look at it. Look at how delicious it looks. What a crime against humanity that cake is.  
EB: i know!

Bro groaned and grabbed his pink hoodie, dragging it on, pulling up the big hood with eyes printed on and big fluffy cats ears at either side. Dave had bought it as a joke a few birthdays back, but of course Bro had treated it like the greatest thing ever and now wore it every opportunity. His shades sat just in front of the fabric, jutting out to either side, and the bill of his cap pushed out of the front. He looked utterly ridiculous.

Of course, that made it so perfectly ironic.

EB: so is your gourmet breakfast over?  
TT: Guess it is. Couldn't last without me for twenty whole minutes, John?  
EB: i'm just boooooooored!  
EB: entertain me, bro.  
TT: Not really in the kid's entertainment business.  
EB: please??  
TT: Don't know exactly what you want from me here.  
TT: Hardly a font of fun.  
EB: dave says you make videos! you could show me one of those.

He stopped on the stairs long enough to double over laughing for a few minutes, getting a really weird look from the old lady who shuffled up past him, her face pulling like he was possessed by the devil himself. It was...so tempting, to send that link. So very tempting.

EB: bro?  
TT: Yeah, no, that is a terrible idea.  
TT: Here, look, I do music sometimes, go check out that.

.:.

He had missed real food. The cake didn't make it back to the apartment.

.:.

EB: so you dj?  
EB: that must be really cool!  
EB: with the spinny discs and the buttons and those slider things.  
TT: Clearly an expert on the topic.  
EB: shoosh!!  
EB: you know what i meant!  
TT: Yes, because I actually know how to do my own job.  
TT: I DJ some pretty sweet gigs though, only go for the best places I can get. I'm not doing it for the money so I have a bit of luxury like that.  
TT: Luckily I'm also fucking skilled, so I get pretty much where I want.  
TT: It's a cool hobby. Takes a lot of skill to do right.  
EB: yeah i guess what you sent was pretty good.  
TT: Pretty good? I'd like to see you do better, kid.  
EB: i don't do that sort of music though!  
EB: i mean  
EB: i play the piano?  
TT: Well then let's hear it, come on. You can't talk shit about me without putting your own cards on the table.  
EB: but it isn't the same at all!  
TT: Shhh, only music files now.  
EB: but  
TT: John.  
EB: ugh fiiiiiiiine

Bro sipped his orange soda as he waited, lounged across the futon with his legs up and Cal slung over his shoulder to read the chat and return judgement on little boy blue. So far he seemed pretty chill with him, even if John had given the typical, slightly hurtful response to being introduced to his best bro. He was sure they'd get on better with time.

Talking to someone all day had been weird. Novel. He was used to sleeping or watching TV and considering that a busy day, so actually having to sit up and think about shit and try and stay coherent had been a challenge. John just seemed thankful for the company, even given the few times he'd nearly dozed off and blinked back awake to the slightly arcane gibberish he'd sent, swearing blind when he read it it had been totally fine. Behind every typed laugh he got in response he imagined John's actual, unbroken voice giving a stupid giggle.

He stopped doing that when he noticed it was making him smile.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] sent file recording2.mp3 at 14:36pm --

Well then.

Bro pulled his earphones on and pressed play, volume loud enough when he shut his eyes behind his glasses his world became the music, just as he always did. Even when he was in a booth at a club, he made sure all he could hear was the song, lost himself in it, let it flow through him and command him naturally rather than pandering to what the crowd thought would be good. What he created was always far better.

The first notes trickled in like windchimes. His fingers twitched.

EB: so um  
EB: what do you think?  
TT: That was certainly unexpected.  
EB: is that a good thing :?  
TT: Well. Maybe.  
TT: Do you have any more?

He spent the rest of the afternoon listening as they spoke, imagining those long piano playing fingers (it was obvious in hindsight) moving with the skill and grace the music sang of. Maybe there was more to the kid that just being a derp. Cal checked out a few of them and he thought they were pretty sweet so that was the overall seal of approval granted.

EB: i can't believe you think they're good!

...what.

TT: Why the fuck not? John, much as it pains me to say, these are exceptional.  
TT: You are clearly a highly talented player.  
EB: i just didn't really think they were good enough to share. they've always seemed pretty bad, to me.  
TT: I can't believe no one has ever set you right about that.  
EB: well it's just me and dad and he tells me he's proud of everything i do so i don't know when he even really means it anymore :/  
TT: What about your friends? Have you never played to them?  
EB: i have a desktop so i can't take the webcam downstairs to it!  
EB: and i've always thought dave and rose are better than me at music anyway  
EB: rose plays violin like a professional and dave's raps are shit but his actual music is pretty cool  
EB: i guess i just thought they'd think i was being stupid?  
EB: trying to show off.  
EB: they think that a lot.  
TT: Don't you have friends who actually visit?  
EB: oh  
EB: well  
EB: no?  
EB: i don't really go out much.  
EB: i haven't for a long time.  
EB: so i don't really know anyone nearby?  
EB: but that's okay!  
EB: i have dave and rose and jade  
EB: and now i have you too :)  
EB: that's good enough for me.  
TT: I actually  
TT: John  
TT: Look, promise me you'll send me your music, when you play?  
TT: That you'll let me hear it.  
EB: i guess i can! even though it's really dumb and you're just being weird.  
EB: if i do will you never send me a picture of cal ever ever again?  
TT: That hurt, bro, but I guess we can agree to that. Cal's all tearing up here, he thought you guys would be tight.  
EB: nope nope nope  
EB: music for being able to sleep at night  
EB: that's the deal, buster, take it or leave it!  
TT: "Buster"?  
EB: shoosh just say yes.  
TT: Whatever, I already agreed up there. Got to go wipe away poor Cal's tears here, man, I'll be back as soon as he's comforted.  
EB: i am rolling my eyes so hard right now  


.:.

The music sounded lonely when he listened to it again.

.:.

Dave turned up at seven with a black lipstick smear on his cheek and a very visible bite mark just above the neck of his shirt. He rubbed it self-consciously when Bro lounged back on the futon and rolled his head back to give him a once over, shrugging one shoulder dismissively.

"Sup?"

"Roof. Five minutes." Bro replied curtly, hearing Dave choke as he straightened and reached over to his phone to tell John the stray had appeared.

"What the fuck? I didn't do anything! Is this because of the mark 'cause I mean I told Rez not to but she still did and-"

"No. It's because I got woken up at whatever time last night to your friend being pathetic because you were an asshole and stood him up.“

“...shit. I didn't tell John?” So he had honestly forgotten, because that sounded guilty as fuck. Bro stood and hung his sword at his hip, hand resting on the hilt, frowning and looking over his shades at his little brother with judgemental amber eyes.

"No you fucking didn't. So four minutes, now. I haven't fucking slept at all because you fucked up and didn't have the common courtesy to tell your bro you were ditching him for some girl who you let write her name all over you." Now he was looking, like fuck had Dave resisted that hickey. He'd been a fucking open page for her to sign as hers, probably wanted to show off at school that he was totally getting some 'choice ass' as he flatteringly referred to her. And here he'd thought he'd raised Dave with fucking standards. Nope. Apparently not.

He'd been disappointed to find out the kid had a girlfriend, actually, in a weird fucked up way. Sort of hoped he'd stick to waters Bro was more familiar with, because the moment Dave had asked how to treat a girl Bro had sort of blanked and said however the fuck he wanted and a day later Dave had caught up (quick thinker that he fucking wasn't) and spent the entire afternoon alarmedly asking how he'd never known his brother was more interested in the cock. Given he'd never exactly hidden the fact, that revelation confused Bro just as much as it did Dave.

For now he could pacify John (seriously though, the kid would not shut up, and this was prime napping time, so why the fuck hadn't he been able to just stop talking back?) through good old swordplay, let out some stress while he was at it, and next time maybe Dave would remember people other than his girlfriend actually existed, given the last week she was all Bro had heard about, beyond the afternoon inquisition into his sexuality. Dave grumbled and went for his sword and Bro took the opportunity to flash to the roof, hopping up onto the air conditioning unit and waiting for the kid to trail up after him as he checked his phone one last time.

EB: don't hurt him too badly though!  
EB: and i mean don't tell him i've spoken to you because he'll go all bluh  
TT: All 'bluh'?  
EB: you know!  
EB: when he starts rambling and making weird metaphors and won't shut up and acts all hurt and stuff until you stop doing whatever it is he doesn't like or he signs off in a strop!  
TT: John, that's just Dave. You just described every single second of his existence.  
EB: shut up! you know what i mean :P  
TT: Okay, so if I tell him he'll be a whiny bitch about it?  
TT: Why? Am I not allowed to talk to his friends?  
TT: Fuck that shit.  
EB: bro don't be a dick  
TT: Again, you just described me all the time.  
EB: siiiiiiiiigh.  
EB: whatever dude.  
EB: have fun.  
TT: Go make out with your bunny or whatever. I'll be back once I've done some good old fashioned parenting.  
EB: i don't think attacking a kid with a sword is old fashioned parenting?  
TT: Sure it is, I work by the really old handbook. Got some stocks downstairs for when he really pisses me off.  
EB: tell me that's a joke because i can't even tell anymore  
TT: Oh Dave's here, talk soon.  
EB: bro wait tell me

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] is now an idle chum! --

EB: dammit bro

He let Dave walk two steps out before he launched at him, and after the kid lurched forward and managed to regain his footing, Bro smirked, Dave glared, and they were off.

.:.

"Ow, fuck, you stupid son of a bitch."

"Dave it's a scratch."

"That's not a fucking scratch you dick I think I need stitches!"

"Yeah whatever, give me a minute and I'll come sort it out for you."

"Bro!" Dave whined after him as he strode out of the bathroom to get his first aid kit. The strife had been a fairly good one, Dave had even almost not lost spectacularly, but then one little hit to his arm and he pussied out and camped on the toilet lid until Bro turned up to him complaining, shades dramatically off of his watery red eyes for added effect. "Bro, fuck, be quick. I think I'm dying here. You hit an artery or something. My life is flashing before my eyes. Tell John...I always...loved him..."

"You really want me to tell him that?"

TT: Dave says he always loved you.

"Pff like you would ever talk to Egbert."

EB: what???  
EB: he's joking right because i mean he knows i'm not a homosexual!

"He says he isn't gay, sorry dude."

Suddenly that horrific wound wasn't enough to stop Dave appearing in the lounge doorway, eyes narrowed. He didn't ask, exactly, just pulled his lips into a frown and furrowed his eyebrows in low, eyes moving from Bro to his phone and back again.

"Son of a bitch give me that."

"It's my phone you little shitstain, get off." Luckily height gave him the advantage, so it was easy to hold it up and type with one hand, the other on Dave's face and holding him back as he lunged upwards, hissing every time his cut bumped Bro's forearm.

TT: Hey guess what I told Dave I've spoken to you because I don't dig the whole forbidden bromance thing you seemed to be gunning for.  
EB: oh my god broooooooo you promised! :(  
TT: No, I did not.  
EB: well you should have!  
TT: Dude you're acting like we're dating, stop. We're talking about mundane crap and what a dick Dave is. That's hardly top secret material right there.  
TT: He'd be more pissed if he found out you'd hidden it.  
TT: Why don't you want him to know anyway?  
EB: because he's really weird about you! all secretive and stuff!  
EB: he always hangs up on me if you walk in  
EB: and he always said he didn't want me to come stay because he's not sure it's a good idea with you there!  
TT: Oh he did did he.

"Dave, stop, seriously. You're just gonna hurt that worse. Come on, sit down and let me sort it."

"Why the actual fuck are you talking to John?" The futon creaked as he slumped onto it, offering up his arm as Bro flashed the phone somewhere safe and then began carefully cleaning up the blood from the admittedly deeper than he'd expected laceration.

"Sad baby panda."

"...what?"

"Because he practically fucking cried and I felt bad for him so I like, watched some shitty film with him in your place and today he's been bitching about you to me, and I've been telling him I fucking know what a douche you are, I have to live with you."

"Well now I'm back so he can bitch at me and you can stop talking to him, yeeeOW! Fuck, Bro, a little more careful!"

Bro paused in scrubbing violently at the cut, face still calm as he gave Dave a long look. He returned to carefully wiping, pursing his lips just a little. A year ago, Dave had practically fucking worshipped him, outside of their sibling rivalry. Then something changed and the kid drifted and now it was harder and harder to have a single conversation with him without it descending into insults. Half the time Dave was home he spent up in the crawlspace just 'cause at least he got some damn peace up there.

"Y'know he's the first of your friends other than Lalonde I've actually ever spoken to."

"So? They're my friends. I never get to meet any of yours." A little triumphant note crept in, his I've won the argument tone. Little shit, that was a separate thing.

"I'm your guardian, I'm looking out for you, that shit is different, kid."

"You're my bro, like fuck do you look out for me, shit is identical, asshole."

"Dave, don't be a little bitch."

"Bro, don't creep on my friends."

"I'm not creeping on him!"

"Yes, you are, you always do."

"Fuck's sake, Dave."

"John is like a delicate flower, a fearful virgin to the ways of the world, who suffers asthma attacks at the first mention of sex and believes ninety percent of the bullshit you tell him if you sound convincing. Someone like you is his ultimate fucking weakness, a dick who can pull off a deadpan when he announces some shitty kids show is the greatest thing in creation and even trick his less naive brother into watching it. John would lap up anything you say and that's really fucking bad given you would tell him shit about everything, including me."

“Ever occur to you I actually can be nice to people?"

"Nope, because you can't, because you're Bro. You turn to the word asshole in the dictionary and there's a signed fucking picture of you. Psychopaths call you for advice on being dicks. You run a fucking porn site with puppets this is not exactly the sort of shit John would deal well with. Pretty sure the first sniff of plush fucking puppety rump and he'd swoon all overdramatic into the arms of his Dad and Dadbert would be all, you killed my son with porn, you monster! And you would just laugh. Because you do. Because you're Bro."

"So basically," He wrapped the bandages over the pad on the wound, knowing he should totally not be this annoyed by what Dave was saying (even if more of it was apparently true than he liked, and this was his little brother calling him up on being as ass and wanting to talk to a fourteen year old kid, which he still couldn't justify to himself) but he was getting really, really fucking angry beneath his practised exterior, "The only way you'd let me talk to anyone you know is if I ceased to be me."

"And as that isn't going to happen, fuck off. You're all up in the rest of my shit, leave me something that's just mine, fuck."

The red fixed directly on his eyes through his glasses, because of course Dave knew exactly where they were. No, the little shit did not get to demand anything from him, and Bro was not in all his shit he was in the exact amount he had to be as his fucking guardian, did he not get that? If he even told him John was the one who had wanted to talk to him, not the other way around, Dave would dismiss it because it didn't fit into his worldview and his argument and no, John was right, Dave was intolerable about this in the most pathetic way.

"Just go find a derp your own age and stop being a creep, seriously." His brother added coldly, partially to cover the fact he'd had to look away and blink. "You're, like, forty. You shouldn't be messing with kids."

And there was the indirect accusation he had known was coming, but it stung no matter how hard he'd braced for it.

"I'm not that fucking old, and it's not fucking like that!" He snapped, flashing to his room without bothering to get his phone the moment Dave's arm was done. He slammed the door, but not before he heard Dave shout after him, desperate for the last word.

“Well you could've fucking fooled me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for upcoming chapters: Dave is an asshole! Yes, yes he is.
> 
> And I had to get that quote in I'm so sorry, he's fourteen, he will grow up.


	3. ==> John: Pout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John tells Dave he's a dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one! Probably a longer one later. ;-;
> 
> I really, really need to stop writing Dave, I'm so sorry.

"'Sup."

John mustered his best pout. He could produce some quality pouting when he needed to, and damn straight he need to right now. Sad puppies would copy _him_.

"...okay. So. I know what you're gonna say."

"You're a dick."

"I'm a massive dick. I know. But hear me out, man, I was floating on a ship of young love in a fucking ocean of amour, waves of fine ass driving me back from the shore of broship and out into the wild expanses of boyfriendhood. I lost sight of land behind the fog of a sexy lady and she was singing like a siren, Egbert, luring me out until I was wrecked on the rocks of a relationship and bam, she was in my head, dude, all I could think about. Sucked me out into the ocean and drowned me, dragged my whole boat under and-"

"Dave."

"What?"

"Shut up."

John watched him shuffle awkwardly around the window, adjusting the shades several times before giving a sigh and leaning forward. That was his confused face. It was pretty hard to tell with the shades covering most of them, but John had got pretty good with Dave's expressions since his Dad had bought him his webcam. Confused was when Dave's lips pursed just slightly, and his eyebrows went low, and he sucked in his cheeks for a split second before he spoke, voice as level as ever.

"John. What the fuck is up with Bro."

"He filled in for you when you abandoned me for your better friends." Wow, yes, that sounded angry, and Dave visibly flinched. John paused, and in a less sharp tone continued, "He's not as bad as you say he is, dude, I'd kill for my Dad to be that cool."

"You know he's like, forty, right?"

"Thirty-one, and so? Dave it's not like I'm actually meeting him, he's a video and a line of text to me, age sort of becomes a moot point! Like Jade, we haven't even seen her yet, for all we know she could be some old guy faking, but to us she's just Jade! A name and how she acts and that's fine." He had not been mentally practising this, not at all. "And you know I can't just go out and get friends my age or whatever. I only have the Internet, Dave, and it's full of dicks in every way that could possibly mean. Finding someone likeable in a sea of trolls is hard."

"Bro is not likeable. He's weird. As hell."

"Ugh. You used to think he was awesome!"

"Yeah, when I was a kid. I also used to be his freaky mini-me clone, these things are probably related?" Dave rocked back in his chair, thrusting his hands into his pockets. "Plus come on, you've got me. I provide all the Strider swag you will ever need."

"Yeah, until your girlfriend takes it all up and you go off in your weird metaphor boat forever."

"John that isn't gonna happen."

"Dave, you left me! I know it was stupid but you forgot about me because of her! You used to be more fun when you didn't have other friends."

"Wow, sorry not all of us can be shut ins."

He had taken it as a joke, shoulders relaxing and mouth a less pale line, but it wasn't meant to be one! It was true! Dave had used to be fun, into weird things that were interesting and spending all the time he could talking to John, and Rose and Jade. He'd always been there, and when John was down he lifted him back up, and he was one of the few people John thought actually sort of valued him, a little. God knew there were precious few of them.

Jade had been his first friend, but over time she'd introduced the others. John had had friends, real friends, people other than his Dad to talk to who weren't just shitty forum trolls! They'd all spent hours talking and playing games and watching movies and being there, and it had been great! His computer was suddenly this window to a big wide world with real people in it, and he loved every second of it.

Then Dave was enrolled in an actual school. For actual kids. And as Rose had put it when John complained about him changing, peer pressure had warped him into the image of a coolkid, popular, socially active, and a magnificent ass. He was out more, the names of people he was going with falling thick and fast, more people than John could remember meeting in his life. He was sharper in tone, pulling them up and less patient for the jokes they used to share. Rose said unfortunately it was part of him maturing, and shedding the childish personality of his youth, and John was just a little behind and would find soon enough he would begin maturing too. But Rose always said things like that, said she thought in the end this was for the better. John just thought maybe he should go back to being Just Dave and not The Coolkid or The Popular One because Just Dave had been fine!

Just Dave had been _great_.

And he sort of missed him.

"If you're allowed all your friends why can't he be mine?"

"Because he's my brother, and old, and weird, and he'll mess you up. I'm looking out for you, man, trust me, I know him."

"You didn't even know how old he was!"

"Touché, but still. Come on, Egbert, would I ever lead you wrong?"

"Uh, duh, of course you would!"

"Not about serious shit, man." Dave said solemnly, placing a hand over his heart. "I swear to Gog, I'm not just messing with you here. You'll be better off sticking to safe waters, not going off exploring where it's deep and there's a great big asshole shark waiting to tear you to shreds."

"Are these the same waters you're sailing the HMS Fuckup in?"

"...no, they're like...it's the ocean off the other side of the Bro-nation. Don't mix metaphors, man, that shit gets confusing."

"...coming from you."

"No idea what you're insinuating there, Egbert, I'm practically the modern day Shakespeare over here."

John snorted at that, but relaxed into a grin, deciding he could leave the serious conversation he wanted to have with Dave to another time. For now, he had his best bro back, and he guessed that was enough.

"Just, come on. Do me a favour and promise you'll leave Bro be."

Nope. There was the line of things John was willing to put up with, and there was Dave leapfrogging over it.

"I promise, Dave." John replied earnestly, one hand up and on his heart. Dave examined him closely, even tipping his head so those rarely-seen red eyes flashed visible, then straightened and calmed, slouching across the chair and giving a curt nod.

"Cool. Well then, Egderp. Guess I owe you a film."

"You totally do!" Dave was setting up the stream before he spoke. "And you'll watch every second of it, too. No falling asleep! Not like last time!"

"John, fuck, you made me watch _Street Fighter._ That film...it was either sleep or suffer a mental breakdown, I couldn't even save that film, it was just shit."

"I only picked that because _you_ made me watch _The Little Mermaid_!"

"I thought it would float your boat."

"No you didn't! You were laughing at me all the way through it, I bet!"

"I think you'll find I was caught up in the tragic tale of forbidden love."

"Pffff. Whatever, Dave."

The banter moved on, and John uncrossed his fingers from behind his back, pleased with himself as the prankster's gambit swung in his direction.

Maybe next time Dave actually wanted him to _keep_ a promise, he wouldn't ask just after being such a stupid girlfriend-preferring jerk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((The crossing fingers, that's not just me, right? That's a common thing?))
> 
> I totally take suggestions for things you want to see, just to like, get that out there! This story is going to span quite a few years of their lives, so I'm totally game for doing requests during that time. ^u^


	4. ==> Bro: Regret Your Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro continues his own voyage on the HMS Fuckup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ninja!Bro is best Bro.
> 
> I just realised there are so many pesterlogs even though I hate coding them! Why am I doing this to myself? There will be more face to face stuff later on, bear with me.

The first thing that occured to him through the morning amnesia was that the poster-plastered ceiling he staring up at was _his_. His bedroom. He couldn't remember sleeping in there in years, and as memories drifted back he struggled to recall why.

Then he sat up, and the pile of smuppets he'd collapsed into squeaked loudly like a chorus of the most filthy angels. _Right,_ it was his store room now. That would be it.

Bro groaned and rubbed at his face, partially to dislodge the brilliantly coloured felt fibres he could just feel clinging to his stubble and partly to try to speed the transition from practically drunk on drowsiness to just awake enough to actually get up. Oh god, had he taken his shirt off? There were smuppet imprints all over him, like some botched tattoo gone horribly, horribly wrong. While he was fond of his creations in many intimate ways, that fell short of wanting his body adorned with them. Shit, had some of the orange dye come off or was he imagining that? He could swear there was a slight orange tinge and that stuff wouldn't wash out, so fuck if he was taking his shirt off again for a while, and what if Dave saw it and was an ass about it, or worse what if someone at a club saw it and-

Oh shit. The club. He'd had work last night.

"Fuck!" He muttered, searching for his phone amongst the plush rumps and felt proboscises, considering it a minor triumph when he managed to locate his rainbow-felt covered shirt. As he pulled it on he recalled hiding his phone and not collecting it again, and then recalled his argument with Dave that basically amounted to them both being prone to escalating everything quickly, and then groaned as he once again remembered sleeping instead of just going to fucking _work_.

He dressed as best he could, ending up looking like some toddler had attacked him with pretty colours, but at least the smuppet-hickeys were covered. Smuppet-hickeys. That was their name now, that was a thing.

Now the mission became collect his phone from on top of the fridge, and avoid Dave, little stroppy shit that he probably was right now. Luckily both of those things had an easy answer, so with a slight roll of his shoulders to crack them, he reached up and hooked the cord of the crawlspace, opening the hatch and jumping up so his fingers caught, pulling himself up to crouch on the edge and loom over the hole like the goddam Batman. He closed the hatch back up and paused for a moment to listen for signs of where Dave was, and of course he was in the kitchen. Of course he was.

He crept silently over the floor, stepping over the beams he knew would creak with careful grace, avoiding putting weight on the other trapdoors Dave wasn't actually aware of. He manouevered around the vent of the faulty air conditioning unit he would sometimes climb to get to the roof when he really wanted to be alone, and then stopped on the edge of the trapdoor above the kitchenette, drawing in a long, deep breath and then holding it as he delicately hitched it off the small catch that usually prevented it opening upwards, flipping it open and cautiously examining the layout of the room below as he laid it to rest on the messy, dusty floor.

Dave was staring at the microwave, leaning his head on his arms, disinterestedly swilling apple juice around a small bottle as he prodded the pile of fireworks he'd had to remove prior to cooking. He could see his phone in the gap between the fridge and ceiling, and crouched low to the ground opposite, trying to calculate how best to grab the thing. Nothing a little effort and a lot of flexibility couldn't solve.

With a soft exhale and then another deep breath in, Bro lay back on the trapdoor above the fridge, arms gripping the edges of the hole as he eased himself further back. As soon as he was far enough, he cocked an ear, hearing Dave rambling to himself, still in the same place. He was pretty sure the kid didn't realise those little dialogues were out loud. Good thing, too - they were like a beacon, and the way Bro always knew exactly where Dave was. It was that or when he had music playing loud enough in his earphones to hear a room away.

Right. This better work.

He hooked his feet under the edge of the trapdoor, tensed, then released the sides and swung down with enough momentum to catch the phone, knees folded around the edge of the hole. He gritted his teeth and pushed off the fridge to get back up, grasping fingertips just managing to catch the edge and hoist him out of view as Dave looked around.

"Bro?"

A little (a lot) smug, he quietly put the trapdoor back in place and hooked it in to only open one way once more. Below, Dave was rambling agitatedly about _fucking stealthy dumb ass bullshit_ and Bro almost regretted not having had Cal to leave in the phone's place, but not quite. His screen had several missed messages when he flicked it on, and they had quickly absorbed his attention.

Without missing a beat, he flashed to where the air conditioner vent snaked along the low ceiling and swung up through the hatch, catching the knotted rope he'd hung down the centre and starting to quietly climb, using it to steady himself enough he didn't make booming hits into the sides. Then he crept upwards, emerged onto the roof, and settled on the edge with legs dangling into the abyss as he observed the screen more closely, frowning at the colourful mix awaiting him.

CA: stri wwhere the fuck are you  
CA: im bein serious you asshole  
CA: wwhat sort a professional dont evven showw up  
CA: youre lucky i had backup an youre lucky youre too good to fire  
CA: but this is the ONLY time im lettin you off the hook  
CA: fuckin dick

So that was his boss pussying out of punishing him, good. Probably knew he didn't need the gig but they weren't going to get any better. He sent back a vague message about being deathly ill but totally having recovered now and got sent back a fuck off in response. For that douchebag that was a pretty positive reply.

TG: drik  
TG: dirk*  
TG: i hav WORLD CHANGEIGN NEWSW  
TG: i have......  
TG: ..................  
TG: ................  
TG: ..................,..  
TG: ...........  
TG: (dramtic pause lol)  
TG: A BF  
TG: a smokin hot bf  
TG: dappre as FUCK  
TG: fyi ms rolal is of the amarket  
TG: off*  
TG: sry bby  
TG: i no u had ur hops up  
TG: shoulda put a fing on it  
TG: *rnig  
TG: *rin  
TG: OMFG ****RING  
TG: yh so  
TG: ur not there r u  
TG: lettin the team down  
TG: who can i glote to now tho dirk  
TG: WHO CAN I  
TG: o wate janeys online nvm  
TG: later distri

...oh good. There was a conversation he wasn't going to be allowed to avoid later. 

EB: bro are you there yet?  
EB: no?  
EB: ok well  
EB: i just wanted to check you were okay?  
EB: you know, because you were being totally normal and sword fighting your sibling.  
EB: i thought me and my dad strifing was bad but like  
EB: at least i'm not trying to kill him???  
EB: so uh when you are around  
EB: let me know you aren't dead or something, please?  
EB: and the whole not killing dave thing  
EB: that would be great too!  
EB: oh hey wait dave is online i guess he's alive then!  


There was a long pause, and then an hour ago, three last messages.

EB: don't tell dave we're still talking  
EB: i told you he'd go bluh!  
EB: i told you bro!

Yes, yes he had. Bro sighed to himself, tapping the screen and starting to type.

TT: I assume you spoke to Dave then, because I had a slight disagreement with him about it last night and am well aware he took it like the tiny whiny school girl he actually is inside.  
TT: That might even be his fucking spirit animal right there.  
TT: He's made an issue out of something that really didn't need to be.  
TT: But hey. I'm alive. Barely a scratch on me, so that's pretty chill.  
TT: Oh and I won, thanks for asking. No one is surprised.  
EB: i sort of guessed that by the way dave kept pouting and cradling his arm and fishing for sympathy?  
EB: i'm glad you're okay though!

There was a slight pause, just long enough Bro noticed it and quirked an eyebrow at the screen.

EB: both of you, i mean!  
EB: you and dave  
EB: who is my best bro  
EB: and i was totally just as worried for  
EB: heh?  
TT: Did you just try and laugh nervously on a text chat.  
EB: no!!  
EB: well maybe.  
EB: shut up!  
TT: Shutting the hell up as we speak, but no promises I am not mentally once more comparing you to some sort of dorky kitten.  
EB: shut up!!! i am totally a more manly animal than that.  
TT: Of course you are.  
EB: yes!!  
TT: You're at least a puppy.  
EB: bro!  
TT: Calm your tits, it was a complete joke.  
EB: no it wasn't.  
TT: No it wasn't.  
TT: Did you get made another sugary monstrosity this morning?  
EB: no thank god! i think dad got the message when i took a hammer to the last one.  
EB: he still fought back though! that man is a devil with cakekind.  
TT: Your family strifes are basically cake fights?  
TT: To quote you, "pffffffff"  
TT: No wonder you worry about us playing with real weapons.  
EB: hey! i use hammerkind, that's totally a proper strife specibus  
TT: You use hammerkind...  
TT: ...to beat up cakes?  
EB: sorry not all of us can be ninja sword masters!  
TT: Seriously, John, please learn some vague self defence against things that aren't puddings?  
TT: At least step up to main courses.  
EB: oh shoosh, dude  
EB: i can defend myself just fine!  
TT: Of course you can, John.  
EB: >:P  
TT: So what are you doing today, other than bothering me?  
EB: i don't know  
EB: my dad is out with some lady he knows but he locked me in and told me in an emergency i could smash a window to escape and that i was to be good and stay here and that he was proud of me.  
EB: well no i woke up to a note stuck to my computer that had all of that on it in STUPID CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE SMALL ONES.  
EB: so just playing games and talking to you i guess?  
TT: Is that why you seem incapable of typing capitals yourself in a typical sentence? To compensate for his overuse of the upper case?  
EB: it's just quicker!  
EB: at least i can actually punctuate, unlike dave  
EB: rose types all posh like you though.  
TT: Lalonde, right?  
TT: And this isn't posh, this is just typing correctly, kid.  
EB: i think that's her name! has dave spoken about her?  
TT: Sort of. It's not important.  
EB: whatever.  
EB: you should totally drop the mysterious cool dude act, i am so beyond falling for it now.  
TT: My apologies, let me just revert back into my true personality, where I become naught but a squealing dorky fool and can only say kawaii desu!!!! like some sort of otaku pokemon.  
TT: Or maybe, you know. This is my actual personality right here.  
TT: Just as a thought.  
EB: i like to think if i scratch away long enough beneath the douchey outer shell is a soft squishy centre that's actually really sweet  
TT: Well get to it with the power tools, kid, because getting there will take a fucking long time.  
EB: i'm setting to it with one of those big drill things that looks like a doomsday device  
EB: raiding the lost temple of bro  
EB: looking for the golden idol of likeability  
EB: setting off all his ironic defences  
TT: And then being betrayed by some guy who dies anyway?  
EB: shoosh stop ruining my metaphor  
TT: No. I have spent way too long with Dave to put up with dumb ass metaphors.  
TT: Well done, John, you found my kryptonite.  
TT: It's stupid rambling streams of words with no bearing on what's actually going on.  
EB: that's a pretty specific weakness  
TT: It comes naturally when living with Dave, trust me.  
EB: well whatever! my point is, you're stuck with me now.  
EB: i'm not going to stop until that idol is mine.  
TT: You're going to regret that.  
EB: i'd never regret anything if it made me a friend!

This kid was going to be the death of him.

.:.

EB: oh my god  
EB: my dad  
EB: bro he's on a date  
EB: he's on a date what the fuck!!  
TT: Wait, you've only realised this now? John it's been three hours, and it was pretty obvious.  
TT: I'm not questioning you intelligence, but  
TT: Wow.  
TT: Really?  
EB: he never leaves the house how can he have a date???  
TT: Hey John, there's this rad invention for meeting new people without leaving home you should check out some time.  
TT: It's called 'The Internet'.  
EB: shut up!!!!!  
EB: this isn't fair!  
EB: i'm too fragile to be allowed to just go out  
EB: but he can just swan off with some girl?  
EB: why does this keep happening!!  
TT: If it makes you feel better I can guarantee 100% that I will never in my life abandon you for a date with a girl.  
EB: that's a pretty big promise to make  
TT: Eh, I'm pretty sure I can stick to it.  
EB: well whatever! i just can't believe he left me stuck here like always while he's gone out :(  
EB: he could've taken me  
TT: I don't mean to pry here, but you and your Dad.  
TT: From what I've gathered you never leave the house. Either of you.  
TT: I can believe it, with home schooling and deliveries and so on.  
TT: But  
TT: Why?  
EB: oh  
EB: well  
EB: uh  
TT: Don't worry about it, forget I asked.  
EB: no, no, it's okay  
EB: i mean my dad's always been like this?  
EB: i remember going out when i was really little  
EB: i went to a normal preschool and stuff!  
EB: but then my mom died and it all sort of just  
EB: stopped?  
EB: dad started working from home and teaching me here and i just sort of got used to it.  
EB: he just says he wants me to be safe  
EB: and anyway, i do sort of leave the house! we have a yard.  
TT: A yard, huh.  
EB: yeah, with a pogo ride and a swing and a tree i climb in the summer :)  
EB: it's great! and i get fresh air and i can go out and sunbathe and in the winter it all gets covered with snow?  
EB: i build snowmen of dave and rose and jade  
EB: dave always says his doesn't look cool enough but i don't know how to make snow shades  
EB: i'm too big for the ride now but sometimes when dad isn't looking i still play on it  
EB: when i was little it was my favourite thing in the world, it was so much fun  
EB: i mean my computer is now but that's only because all of my friends are on it!  
EB: and if i wasn't too old for it i think the ride would still be pretty close  
EB: uh  
EB: sorry!  
TT: For what?  
EB: for rambling! i was going on about stupid stuff  
EB: i just don't talk about my things often. all of the others have much cooler stuff!  
EB: like dave always has stories about strifing with you, and rose lives in a big mansion, and jade has so many great stories about her grandpa and her island  
EB: and i just have a yard  
TT: John, your yard is great.  
TT: I want to hear all the fuck about your yard.  
EB: ha ha, yeah okay, whatever.  
TT: My favourite home had a great yard.  
TT: It was big, but there were about ten of us so it didn't feel that big when we were playing in it.  
TT: The guy, I can't remember his name, he'd built a playground out of timber and stuff, it was amazing. All these little holes to hide in and ladders to climb, and a big curvy slide.  
TT: But all the other kids always got there first, and shoved me out of the way, because back then I was stick thin and about as strong as a twig. The guy noticed and he didn't have much space left so he just gave me a tyre on a rope, hanging from a tree away from them.  
TT: Wrote my name on it in big orange letters because it was just for me.  
TT: They had their fancy shit, but I had my swing I could sit in and climb on and just have fun, and that was enough for me.  
TT: I loved that place.  
TT: They moved me on a month or two later because some kid made a complaint that I'd threatened him when I hadn't. Never got another place with a decent yard again.  
EB: wow  
EB: that's actually kind of  
EB: sad  
EB: but happy at the same time?  
EB: i have a tyre swing outside too.  
TT: Would you tell me about it?  
EB: ...  
EB: yeah  
EB: okay.  


.:.

John had signed off for a while to have a bath, and he had managed to get back in and stake a claim to his futon without using the door, Dave back in his room and apparently content to stay there. The choice of television on a Sunday afternoon was decidedly not to his tastes, so he had settled in to play some Mad Snacks Yo while he waited for the blue boy to reappear.

Little miss pink showed up first.

TG: dirk  
TG: u better b ther this time mistur  
TT: Regrettably it seems I am.  
TT: Good afternoon, Lalonde.  
TG: its a fuckin GRATE aftrnoon stirder  
TG: u dont even no  
TG: i am on cloud ten ovr here  
TT: It's "cloud nine", Roxy.  
TG: nope i passed thatt shithol a wile bk lol  
TG: now im up in teh strattohsfere  
TG: *startosphare  
TG: *w/ever  
TG: w/ my sexy bf who i wil now tell u all aobut  
TT: Please do go on.  
TG: wow u sound like rose wen you get all partonisin  
TG: but ok i totes will  
TG: hes lyk sum bakin dude who works fr bety cocker  
TG: *crocker lol  
TG: a dapper gentelmn  
TG: we met on the webs bcuz my mad haker skillz got me in troble w/ crocker corp and he was my nite in shining armur who came in an got me off the hook  
TG: it was love at frst text lemtme tell u  
TG: he was all ur text is so prety jus lk u  
TG: an i was all *swoon*  
TG: ooh mistr egbert ooh  
TG: pretty sure hes the one, dirky boy  
TT: Egbert?  
TG: yh i mean hes asian or somethin bt i gues its jewish rite?  
TT: No it just rings a bell, that's  
TT: Does he have a kid?  
TG: maybe i dunno i thnk so?  
TG: i was distacted by alcohol  
TG: i can aksk i mean hes only gnoe to the batroom  
TT: If he does, and it's a dude, do me a favour and give him a hug and say it's from Bro.  
TG: wate u want me to hug my bf fr u?  
TT: I meant the kid.  
TG: oooooooo  
TG: y?  
TT: Just do it. Come on, you owe me so many favours, I'm just checking one in.  
TG: siiiiiiiihgs  
TG: i gess i can bcuz its u my bffsie  
TG: bein all weird an sneayky lk always  
TG: but u beter tell me y later distri  
TG: im warning u  
TT: You have my solemn word.  
TG: lk thats worth shit lol  
TG: k mr sexy is bk gotta go  
TG: think ill gtet invted bk for coffee soon *wink wink*  
TG: im gonna get laid tonite drik i can feel it  
TT: Good luck with that.  
TG: ty  
TG: u no u need to get laid urself mr  
TG: wen r u gonna get around to that  
TT: Goodbye, Roxy.  
TG: ofc u dont answer  
TG: gbye

As ever, his whole world just curved back in on itself. He shared a look with Cal, but decided just this once, the universe was forgiven.

.:.

EB: you are such a stupid massive dork  
EB: and i don't want to know how you know rose's mom!  
EB: (oh god my dad is dating rose's mom D:)  
EB: ...but thanks  
EB: i guess.  
TT: You're welcome, I guess.  
EB: you know she's the first person who's visited in years.  
EB: but he let her in!  
EB: maybe that means he might actually let me go out?  
TT: I hope so, John.  
TT: You deserve room to breathe.  
EB: well i can hope :)  
EB: mom is staying for dinner so i have to go now?  
TT: Mom?  
EB: she introduced herself as rose's mom so i don't know that's just what i'll call her! i mean like you're just bro, right?  
EB: that's because you're dave's bro! that can't be your real name!  
TT: I prefer it to my real name.  
EB: but it's exactly the same!  
EB: i guess she doesn't share it with people often?  
EB: or at the very least not me!  
EB: maybe she keeps it for special people like some weird show of trust?  
EB: wow that sounds like something out of a terrible romantic film  
EB: oh clarence, you must know, my name is not mom it is penelope!  
EB: he he he  
TT: Dirk.  
EB: what? i don't think that's her name!  
TT: Clarence, my name is Dirk.  
TT: But I prefer Bro a hell of a lot, so think carefully before abusing that knowledge, Clarence.  
EB: wow  
EB: really?  
EB: i know your name!  
EB: that feels kind of cool.  
EB: like i have some secret top secret knowledge, my eyes only, all that spy stuff  
TT: That's pretty much what happened here.  
EB: dirk strider  
EB: you sound like a shitty action hero!  
TT: Because John Egbert is so much better?  
EB: shoosh  
EB: my name is just fine  
EB: and yours is sort of cool!  
EB: dirk  
EB: :)  
TT: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Please stop using it now.  
EB: okay, fiiiiiiiine. i'm putting it away in my blackmail folder.  
TT: John.  
EB: joke!  
EB: seriously though  
EB: thanks?  
TT: What for, this time?  
EB: duh, for trusting me.  
EB: it's nice to know someone does!  
TT: You're a good kid.  
EB: and you're a good  
EB: person?  
EB: whatever the adult version is!  
EB: dad's starting to sound less cheerful so i better go  
EB: i'll be back soon  
TT: I'll still be here.  
EB: yeah  
EB: i know  
EB: :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I write Bro wearing my Bro glasses because AUTHENTICITY. 
> 
> ((Silly author gushing time: You are all lovely people and I value your feedback so much, please do comment, even if you have before, I love hearing what people think, good or bad! <3))


	5. ==> John: Enjoy A Family Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John enjoys a pleasant family meal with Mom and Dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any spellings errors or weird words in weird places, blame my iPhone because I wrote it on there and OH MY GOD AUTOCORRECT JUST STOP.
> 
> My favourite one was "forks" becoming "dirks". I write so much fanfiction it thought that was a correction. XD
> 
> Also so many hits so quickly, why are you reading my nonsense? I'll be over here hiding from you all.

"Hey, Johnny boy! C'mere cutie, Dad is just getting the food out."

She called him Dad. Wow. That was disturbing on a lot of levels, not least he was starting to worry that was his father's _actual name._ But no, Dad had probably just told her to call him that around John, like parents did around young kids, that was more likely! And ugh, that was just as annoying. John was _fourteen_ , why couldn't he treat him like an actual teenager instead of a kid?

He quietly moved over to the table and fidgeted as he watched her lay out the knives and forks (that was his job she was stealing), listening to her hum a soft, aimless melody as she worked. When she briefly grew closer he caught a whiff of the alcoholic fumes he had nearly drowned in earlier, when she had suddenly swamped him in her arms and shoved his head to her chest (he was going to die of embarrassment) and whispered it was from Bro before letting him go and sweeping back under Dad's arm as his old man practically glowed.

Mom stopped humming and looked him over with eyes that sparkled with deceptively sharp intelligence, given her slur and slight stagger, hopping into a chair with the exact opposite of grace.

"So you know Dirk?" Okay, where had the martini she was gesturing with come from, because it totally hasn't been there a minute ago! Wait she called him _Dirk._

"He prefers Bro." John mumbled defensively, sitting opposite and folding his arms over his slimer shirt with a slight frown.

"Oh _does_ he now? Lol." Yes she had said that aloud, what on earth was his father thinking? "Whelp, how d'you know _Bro_ then?"

"I know Dave."

"Oooooh. And you know Rosey, right?"

"...yes?"

"What a little judgemental witch amiright?"

"Uh-?"

"Pfff don't bother I totes am she's a menace." Mom laughed loudly, leaving him blinking blankly at her. "Dad told me all about you. Home schooled, right?"

"...and home everything elsed." John muttered, mostly to himself, but she clearly heard, responding with a small nod, laying a pink taloned hand on the white cloth and tracing small circles with the tip of her nails.

"Hm. You seem pretty well adjusted an' stuff though so that's good."

"Uh. Thanks?"

"You're welcome." He was nothing short of bemused as she gave him a big smiley thumbs up, laughing again. "Wow. I have had so much to drink you would not believe." No, no, he totally would believe. She smelt like a brewery. "Your Dad is so great."

Some part of his subconscious noted it was the third time she'd said his name, and like magic he was coming out of the kitchen in his stupid frilly pink apron and matching gloves, carefully holding three plates along his arms (said he used to be a waiter, but John was certain it was dark sugary magics at work) with his pipe bobbing back and forward as he chewed on it in concentration. The plates were carefully distributed onto the three placemats, and then he was pulling off his gloves and tucking them under his arm, smiling at Mom with a stupid, broad grin that looked so wrong compared to his normal, respectably small, controlled smiles. She tittered back at him.

Bluh, this was so stupid.

"I hope you are being a polite young man." Dad fixed him in his deeper blue eyes, smile dimming to a calmer expression. "I know you aren't used to company."

He nodded and smiled cheerfully, burying the temptation to scream. Not used to company? There was a reason for that! It was 6'4" and wore a damn fedora and smoked a stupid pipe! It never let him further than the driveway or invited people in! There was why he wasn't used to company!

"Well then. If you'll join me in saying grace?"

The meal was dull, but for the ongoing desire to vomit every time they made doe-eyes at each other. John ate his food as rapidly as he could without being sick, and then absconded just in time to avoid whatever pastry terrors lurked in his father's kitchen today, ignoring Mom call a vague questioning remark about him staying for dessert.

He had always thought he'd be over the moon to have a girl in the house! It had just never occurred to him it would be because _Dad_ was going out with her. His room was a safe haven from icky old people dating. Well, not that old people, they were only the same age as Bro! He just seemed way less...grown up. That was all. And at least he didn't flirt over dinner like John wouldn't even notice, oh god it had been horrible, he was so done.

Someone needed to share in his misery, and oh he knew just who that someone could be.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 19:24pm --

EB: rose oh my god your mum and my dad  
EB: bluuuuuuuuh!!!  
EB: it's unbearable.  
EB: please take her back before it gets any worse??  
TT: Regretfully I do not have my mother on a leash nor am I at liberty to command her to return, John. Were I to create some emergency fake or forced she would tell me to deal with it, snidely. Were I to claim I missed her she would snort at my pathetic attempt to draw her away. I am afraid she is yours to enjoy while I am left to suffer the pain of having the house all to myself.  
TT: After all, it is so tragically hard to get by when she is not here to constantly passive aggressively taunt me, or to waft her delightful eau de drunkard about the place.  
EB: you're having a great time aren't you  
TT: Of course I am, this has been the best fortnight of my life. Do you know our kitchen actually works, John, and can be used to cook food? That a nightly catering service is not actually required? Or how about that it is actually possible to hear myself think without her cackling at whatever mindless nonsense she is watching, or whatever dullards she is communicating with?  
TT: I have actually accomplished some work! Without someone to point out such impossibly unimportant flaws I end up tearing my hair out in quiet frustration.  
EB: i hate you so much  
TT: And I can only offer my thanks to your household for leading her to take that particular business trip to Washington and taking her off of my weary hands for a few weeks.  
EB: so you knew about this???  
TT: Our parents? Of course I did. I had not mentioned it in case you tried any sort of shenanigans to prevent her visit. Considering your reaction I am glad I chose to withhold that particular fact.  
TT: I am afraid this blissful freedom is enough reward for such an omission that I have no regrets whatsoever. If you wish pity may I suggest Jade? She is usually more empathetic to your plight in a less "creepy clinical sciencey" way, as I recall you described myself.  
EB: rose i hope mom gets back to you as soon as possible! i'm going to tell her to go home right now!  
TT: Now, now, John. No need for such drastic threats.  
TT: If you'll excuse me I need to go and dance about the hallway laughing loudly at your Motherly misfortune.  
TT: Enjoy her stay!  
EB: >:(  
TT: ;)

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now offline! --

He hit his head against the desk, quietly cursing the whole stupid house of Lalonde.

Eventually he straightened, tugging his keyboard out again.

EB: my dad should not be allowed to date people ever.  
EB: this is the worst possible thing  
EB: it's all so soppy!  
EB: so oh i wuv oo schnookums  
EB: this whole thing sucks so hard  
TT: Huh. I bet you don't even know she's a screamer yet.  
EB: :?  
TT: Don't worry, it's nothing.  
TT: Come on, though, your old man might relax a bit and given she doesn't live with you maybe this will prompt visits. That's good, right?  
EB: i guess  
EB: is it weird i always thought if there was a girlfriend in the house she'd be mine?  
EB: i didn't even think dad had friends!  
EB: let alone like, a girl!  
EB: it's nice to have someone new around, but i just wish they weren't being so icky  
EB: and maybe that she was closer to my age? :(  
EB: or a cool grown up like you!  
TT: Trust me, she's plenty cool when you get to know her. Give it time, okay?  
EB: i guess  
EB: i just realised  
EB: my mom used to sit there at dinner  
EB: dad never let me sit in that seat ever  
EB: i think he really likes her, bro  
TT: Then let me tell you, kid, he couldn't have picked a better chick.  
EB: ...promise?  
TT: Promise.  
EB: okay  
EB: i guess if you like her she can't be that bad!  
EB: i'll try and give her a chance  
TT: You won't regret it.  
TT: She may be a bit eccentric but she's one of the coolest people I know. At least I know you're in safe hands.  
EB: i believe you  
EB: dave's online and we were meant to playing some game he likes tonight  
EB: i guess we'll talk tomorrow?  
TT: You know it, kid.  
TT: Have a good night.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 20:32pm --

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 02:18am --

EB: OH MY GOD THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!!!!!!  
EB: YOU COULD HAVE WARNED ME BRO!!!!!  
EB: BLUUUUUH BLUH BLUH!!!  
EB: YOU COULD HAVE FUCKING WARNED ME!!!!!

.:.

He woke at eight to his father asking him if he had slept well.

John lied, waited until he left, buried his head in his pillow and screamed.

He really hoped Bro was right about Mom, because he had a gnawing suspicion that whatever the case, this was going to be the worst fucking sleepless week of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update rate, I keep wanting to say it will slow down, but then I keep wanting to write so yeah! Updates for everyone! Yay!


	6. ==> Bro: Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro finds everything hilarious and then finally decides to take a stand and be a good big brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, iPhone. I'd thought, hey, this weekend I'm away from my computer, I'll take a break! But no. Curse my typing apps. Curse them for tempting me to continue.
> 
> ((jk I love writing this and I love all of you, thank you for reading so far!))

EB: HOW CAN ANYONE BE THIS LOUD OH MY GOD!!!

_Don't laugh, don't laugh._

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent file ijusthadsex.mp3 at 04:10am --

TG: *wink wonk* :3

Oh holy shit. He was glad he'd once more absconded to the roof because he was laughing so hard he was practically crying, in loud baritone peals rarely heard even by himself. Having had the pleasure of sharing a flat with Roxy briefly when she was on the dating scene, he was _well_ aware of John's pain. He wanted to pity the kid, he really did. But oh God. He was just in the sort of mood this was the funniest shit in the world.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 09:14am --

TT: Roxy, I hope you remembered there is a fragile young boy in the house.  
TG: um  
TG: ooooo  
TG: O SHIT  
TG: no wunder he wont luk at me w/out goin all red an stamemery lol  
TG: poor jon  
TG: i think i borke him distri  
TG: i think i borke him  
TG: shit *broke  
TT: Try to avoid giving him a total mental breakdown?  
TG: nxt time ill use my inside vcocie k  
TG: speakin of jonny  
TG: u sed u wud tell me y hugs  
TG: im waitin ovr here w/ my best lisenin ears on  
TG: go on mr striedr  
TG: my pen is poyised  
TT: Not much to it, really. A few days back Dave left when they were meant to watch a film online so I filled in and he's a good kid. We kept talking. Know he's lonely and I mean I'm in Houston so like hell am I going to actually see him any time soon, you simply provided an opportunity for contact in a roundabout way that I couldn't miss.  
TG: o rly  
TG: a good kid hm  
TT: He's more interesting than the people I actually have around me, and you are well aware how hard I find it to make friends. He knows I'm a dick but he's still content to put up with me. I wasn't letting someone like that just go.  
TG: so in a few days ur happy to cal him ur bff  
TT: My friend? Certainly. I've been enjoying our conversations.  
TG: wat does he luk like?  
TT: Well I would assume you've seen him? But I suppose he looks like a cute sort of half-human-half-puppy. His eyes are stupidly emotive.  
TG: an does he make u laff  
TT: Yes? He has on occasion.  
TG: an deos he get u smilin?  
TG: NOT ur werid lil smirkyr thnigs  
TT: Maybe.  
TG: o dear distri  
TG: u hav it  
TG: BAD  
TT: You've lost me.  
TG: nvm  
TG: jus the drunk talkin  
TG: *drink  
TG: no wate the firs one is godood too  
TT: ...Alright.  
TT: I assume your date went well.  
TT: As did your 'coffee'.  
TG: dad cuked me lyk a propre family diner it was amazin  
TG: and he is a gentlemen both in and out of th bdrooms  
TT: "Dad."  
TT: What.  
TG: o his name is sum asian thing i cant say proprerlly w/ a slur so he said call him dad evryon else does  
TG: or just mr egbert but that sounded to formal  
TG: hes cute lyk taht  
TT: I cannot even begin to explain how wrong that whole situation is, and you wouldn't listen, so I won't try.  
TG: hes half coreen half merican so hes like a werd mix of both  
TG: its so cool  
TT: "Coreen"?  
TG: Cory ann  
TT: Holy shit, are you trying to say Korean? How can you not spell that? How can you not even phonetically say that?  
TT: I bet you've even been calling it "Coreen" out loud.  
TG: bby shut up mamma is drinkin  
TG: got to go i think dad wants to go out agen :3  
TT: Wait.  
TT: I need another favour.  
TG: le sihghs  
TT: Take John.  
TT: Please?  
TG: that boi will b the deth of u dirk  
TG: but w/ever  
TG: i owe u way to much to say no  
TT: You're a saint, Rox.  
TG: i no

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 09:52am --

.:.

Just after lunch he decided to actually head downstairs. Dave was home because the school was shut for some teacher-parent conference thing he had probably been invited to but couldn't care less about, and sure enough the moment he was down in the crawlspace (because like hell was he actually going to walk down like a normal person) he could hear the tenor ramble from the kid's bedroom.

For once, curiosity got the better of him, so he ducked under the vent and carefully eased his way across to above Dave's desk. He'd marked important locations like that with chalk on the floor in the hopes someday he could dramatically burst from the ceiling to begin some epic final strife between them. Someday, that dream would come true. Cautiously, he slid down to almost lying flat, ear pressed to the floor and body tense and still.

"...nah I mean, I can come later, I guess? Bro still hasn't shown his face and I should probably ask him...What? No, I'll come whatever, but he'd expect me to show effort, probably make me strife to go out if he says no."

A soft noise filled the gaps, a voice through earphones, and Bro set his jaw. Oh good, Dave was going out again. Peace and quiet and spending the whole evening worrying about him in a totally non-parental way. God, Dave going out while he waited up made him feel old.

He was just about to go grab something to eat, losing all interest in Dave and his friends, when his brother spoke again.

"Yeah, I'll wait for you, don't worry, go do whatever. You too, Rez."

Oh, it was his _girlfriend._ Well that changed _everything_.

He carefully moved forward to the trapdoor behind Dave's chair that he had installed a while back, while Dave was off at some summer camp. With delicate, silent motions, he eased it open, the heavy hinges a slight pain but designed to ensure it shut with barely a soft puff of air when pulled down. Dave was focused on his computer, typing eagerly away into some chat window with lines of brown amongst the familiar red, and as Bro eased a little further around the hole he could see an open video chat currently showing an empty chair, and a room with...huh. Dragon plushes in nooses hung from the ceiling? Well he was so glad Dave had found a _totally normal_ not at all creepy girl to date!

He shifted to straddle the hole, taking hold of the hatch to pull it shut behind him, ending up leaning over and staring down at Dave as his head bobbed to music loud enough Bro could hear the tinny trill escaping the earphones. He just made out the girl reappearing on screen and Dave grinning at her (fool, dropping his pokerface on the drop of a penny) before she clearly turned to fumbling with her earphones and Dave ducked to grab his apple juice. Perfect.

Bro pulled in and jumped down, trusting the music to mask his impact, then straightened smoothly as he heard the trapdoor shut softly and glanced up to feel quite smug at how hard the edges were to make out. His entrance dealt with, he leant just over Dave's shoulder as the kid straightened and jumped a mile at the reflection of his face, spilling apple juice down his shirt as he choked on the mouthful he'd been swigging.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD BRO!"

The girl bounced up instantly, a little short thing with a bob of red hair that flicked up at the edges and bright red glasses on, her mouth open in an O of surprise. Then she gave a blinding, practically fanged grin and waved emphatically.

"Rez don't encourage him!" Dave spluttered indignantly, swivelling to glare at Bro and gesturing wildly around the room. "I locked the door! I even locked the fucking windows! How? _How?_ "

"Wouldn't you like to know." Of course Dave would, he had always wanted to pull off the same ninja shit Bro was known for. "This your girlfriend?"

"She was just going!"

"No I wasn't." Her lips mouthed in confusion on screen, hands fixing on her hips.

"She totally has important things to do."

"No, I don't."

"So no time to talk to you."

Behind him, she shook her head, then a text window appeared beside the video feed as she started to type, Bro glad Dave was too focused on glaring to actually pay attention to the reflection in his glasses.

GC: H1 M1ST3R D4V3S BRO  
GC: MY N4M3 1S T3R3Z1 NOT WH4T3V3R S4L4C1OUS TH1NGS D4V3 1NS1STS ON C4LL1NG M3  
GC: 4ND NOW H3 H4S TR13D TO STOP M3 T4LK1NG TO YOU 1 C4N ONLY TH1NK TO 1NV3ST1G4T3 WHY 

Well except for the leet speak she seemed pretty-

GC: YOUR VO1C3 T4ST3S L1K3 L3MONS >:]

-insane. Pretty insane.

Dave finally thought to look around and instantly gave a little squeak and closed the window.

"Rez! Stop! Look I'll be out later, okay, I'll ring when I'm on my way!"

"The truth will be found, Strider, by any means necessary!" She declared loud enough Bro could hear it, and Dave shook his head. "I look forward to interrogating you... _personally_." As emphasis she wiggled her eyebrows and cackled, then abruptly leant forward and slurped her tongue up the camera before hanging up, giving Bro a delightful view of her silver stud. He let the uncomfortable silence radiating from Dave hang for a moment.

"Well she seems nice."

"Oh my God, Bro."

"You have such great taste in women."

"Bro."

"I mean, I taste of lemon. I see. So obvious in hindsight."

"Bro, no."

"And she has such a polite tone, and such a sweet farewell."

"Bro, stop." Dave's hands covered his face, but Bro could see his ears were just as red as his cheeks would be. Ah, young love. Young, easy to humiliate and torment love.

"So when are you actually bringing her back here?"

"Never, fuck, have you seen this place? You casually leave sex toys about like it ain't nothing major. She is never getting in here, nope, so don't even think about it."

"Well then when are you taking me to meet her?"

Dave made a sound a little like a kitten being stepped on. Once again, he had apparently forgotten Bro could actually leave the apartment.

"I'll tell you what, you're free to go today, but next time I'm going to just casually come along with."

"Oh my God, my friends can't _meet_ you!"

"Pretty sure they can." He felt Dave stare at him in horror as he sauntered to the door and unlocked it, pausing before he left to add, "And I'd love to see you try and stop me, lil man."

He stopped outside the door once he'd shut it, holding his breath - then Dave gave a loud, worried squeak and Bro laughed, relaxing. Dave had started to ramble in a panic, including a more frantic outburst about _oh holy fuck what if he takes Cal oh shit _, but not once did he mention stopping him. Not once did he consider avoiding it. Dave had accepted Bro was going to meet these mysterious friends, and Bro hadn't even needed to push it. His work here was most certainly done.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon origins for people seen so far because NO ONE CARES BUT I'M STILL POSTING IT:
> 
> Dave and Bro are born and bred Texans, John and Dad are part Korean on John's Grandpa's side (Nanna Egbert was the American, and her surname stuck to help them Westernise, although Dad himself still has a Korean name), and Roxy and Rose are of French Canadian descent but Roxy moved south to go to college and stayed there. Terezi is from New York but moved to Texas about a year before the story and Dave was the first friend she made.
> 
> I doubt any of this will matter but I felt like sharing!


	7. ==> John: Balance The Pencil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John balances a pencil! It is exciting!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fretted today about taking too long to update then realised it's been like eight hours. THIS IS AN ADDICTION GUYS.

When he was bored, he came up with little games.

It was a coping mechanism, Rose said, to cope with his tight confines. John considered it to be more he was just trying to have fun and playing the same thing over and over again got really boring after a while! He used to prank his Dad all the time, but as he grew up Dad stopped holding back and John's pranks worked less and less, and he couldn't even remember the last time their gambit had swung in his direction. He could, however, remember the last time he had taken a cake to the face. And the time before that. And essentially despite what he told his friends, while he was a great prankster, he was not not the pranking _master_. He could but hope to someday claim that title, and no doubt when he did there would be a LOUD PROUD NOTE awaiting him.

The point he was losing quickly was that Rose read way too much into anything and his confines were totally fine! He just liked making up things to do. That was all.

Today's game was balancing a pencil on his top lip as long as he could, trying to ignore the giggling and smoochy voices he could hear through the walls. Bluh. Icky parent dating. He was so glad Mom was going home in a week given apparently she had totally moved in from her hotel! John had not been consulted on this matter. He felt he rather should have been given a man's home is his castle and the last thing an aspiring lord wants is to wake up and find his smitten guards have let some beautiful fiend into the walls!

He twitched his lip and the pencil wavered, so he tipped his head back a little to keep it steady. Excellent, he had totally smashed his previous record from five minutes ago! This game was great.

Who was he kidding this sucked.

John groaned and let it drop onto his desk, head following a moment later. His piano was in the same room as the Mom and Dad makeouts were. All his friends were offline except Bro and Dave and they both weren't answering messages. He'd run out of games to play and animations to watch and there were no more decent Ghostbusters fanfics that had updated since he last read them. There was actually nothing to do at all in the whole world he hadn't already done, he was certain of it!

A few moments of contemplating his ongoing dull existence and a thought occurred to him, a flash of conversation. He equipped his hammer and regarding it critically, wondering how much good it _would_ actually do on anything other than puddings.

Bro was right, he totally couldn't defend himself in a fight! His hammer sucked. It was nothing like the big warhammers of the Hammerkind masters. He literally had a tiny weapon he'd stolen from Dad's toolbox. Still, it had to be good for something!

He set about google with a determined expression.

> hammerkind training help |

An hour later he had made a dummy out of his pillows and covers and his Dad's broom, quickly pilfered from behind the unsuspecting yet disgusting pair taking up the whole living room with horrible sloppy makeouts. He watched a few Hammerkind videos repeatedly and then set about trying the moves himself, groaning when he only succeeded in nearly knocking himself out while attacking an unmoving target.

Maybe he needed to try a different approach.

> hammerkind for beginners |

Okay, that was more like it. John focused, and started again.

.:.

Midday he drifted downstairs to get a drink, shirt abandoned on his bed and hammer still distractedly twirling through his fingers. Strifing was _hard _. How could the Striders possibly think this was fun? He was only just practising on his dummy (now affectionately dubbed Troy) and he was already worn out and just wanted to collapse in bed! He couldn't imagine doing this with someone who could actually fight back! Bro was right, fighting against cakes was nothing.__

Mom was in the kitchen filling her cocktail glass from a canteen she then proceeded to stow _straight down her cleavage._ Well there was an answer John hadn't really wanted to know! He cleared his throat in a strained choke as heat flashed across his face, and Mom looked up and smiled broadly _before_ withdrawing her hand.

"Oh _hey_ Johnny! Dad's shaving or somethin'. He is a master shaver. Let me tell you, that man is amazing with a razor, I mean he literally does everywhe-"

" _Oh good there is my drink I can just go now!_ "

John snatched up a bottle of he didn't even know what from the side and absconded without another word. He was just at his room and shutting the door in triumph when he heard her call up after him.

"Okay, that's cool baby but that's my gin you just took so maybe next time actually check the bottle k? Mumma's gonna just sit down here until she gets it back."

Oh god dammit.

He didn't have a wall in front of him so he leant forward and then thudded back onto the door, sighing exasperatedly. So he had thought he wanted company in the house. Turned out he was wrong! He wanted _more_ space, not to suddenly have to share his current space with a woman who had no tact and just _kept on_ finding new ways to embarrass him. And it had been about a day! John was practically bordering on just living in his room until she left already, with the too much information sharing, the Dad-Mom vomit enducing schnookums nonsense, and the constant twang of alcohol now pervading the whole house. And the noises. Oh God, the _noises_! Bluuuuuuuh!

But...Bro _had_ said she was cool, right? John had promised to give her a chance.

He grimaced and huffed back downstairs.

"Good boy." She grinned at him as he handed it to her, face red and eyes averted. "Sit down, cutie, me and you need to have a lil talk."

No. Nope. Not happening.

"No-"

"John sit dat ass down or I'll harpoon it to the chair."

He sat. Harpoon? That was kind of a weird threat but she had sounded really threatening in a sugary sweet way? Like that thing from the Dark Crystal movie Dave made him watch. All cute and fuzzy and then _oh God so many teeth!_ That was probably a good comparison to her. Any minute her woozy drunken exterior would give way to some terrifying inner monster. Maybe that was what his poor ears had been subjected to last night.

"Johnny boy, I know you probs think I'm messing up your stuff, swanning in here all wonderful and taking up Dad's sweet time, but that isn't how it is at all. We can totes get along, I know we can! Hey if you can get along with Rosey you can get along with anyone amiright?"

Her voice was deadly serious except for the slur, and he nodded, puzzled by this outburst of down to earth conversation.

"I made a promise to Distri...no, wait, Dirk...no, no, oh my God, Bro! To Bro! I promised something to Bro but your Dad won't let me do it now 'cause he's a meanie and I'm sorry 'bout that but we made a compromise and I want to know you're totes down with it before I run it past Di--Bro."

"Um...okay?"

"Okay!" Mom beamed at him, briefly pinching one of his cheeks and dislodging his glasses awkwardly as she wiggled his face. "Ohmigod you're adorable." Ow, fuck, his face! "He's right! Totally half puppy."

Her talons released him and he took a breath to complain.

"...a buff half puppy, though. Lookin' good for your age!"

His mouth snapped shut as he went crimson. This...this woman. _What on earth did Dad see in her?_

"I mean, I ain't hittin' on you, Dad is way enough Egbert for me an' Dirk would be upset, but yeah. You'll grow up just like your Dad! Sexy and dapper as _fuck._ "

"What are we even meant to be talking about?" He waved his hands at her, trying to drag her back to whatever topic didn't involve his Dad's weird girlfriend talking about hitting on him.

"Oh! Dad says you can come spend Christmas with me and Rosey and I was gonna invite the most ironic family in America too, and some of my BFFs. That's all. Can we get back to the way way way more important topic of how hot a BF I have?"

Holy shit.

"John? I'll take that silence as a yes, mister, I'm warnin' you now!"

_Holy shit._

"Okay, well for one thing if his, uh, strifekind runs in the family you are gonna make some girl really happy someday!"

"Holy shit."

"Oh hey you can still talk! An' holy shit indeed, I mean _wow._ "

"I get to leave the house?"

"No I was just gonna relocate my mansion to here, duuuuh John! Lil slow there, cutie."

"I get to meet Rose? And Dave? And Bro?"

"If the douchebags agree to come, I mean Dirk can be weird about this stuff, he ain't fond of houses he can't ninja it up in."

John squeaked, and Mom stared at him, and then laughed a loud, dirty cackle.

"Ohmigod that is the most amazing sound do it again!"

He would have done, but he was too busy bouncing in place, lost in a bubble of excitement and awe and deciding this woman was the _greatest thing to ever happen in the world._

Christmas was going to be the best day ever, of all time! He just had two months to wait, that was all.

"This is awesome!" He exclaimed eventually, and she gave a sly smile, raising her glass to him and taking a dainty sip.

"I think you'll find when it comes to being awesome, Mumma is simply the best that there is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I AM EXCITED BECAUSE THE NEXT CHAPTER HAS BEC IN IT.
> 
> THIS EXCITES ME.


	8. ==> Bro: Ask Your Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro has questions. And then he meets Bec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys do you think I have a problem I have another chapter for you even though it's short?
> 
> Guys.
> 
> Guys I can't stop.
> 
> Guys I'm writing another one.
> 
> GUYS.

TG: an that is y xmas at casasa de lalone will b awsum  
TG: any questinons?  
TT: A few, yes.  
TT: Reasons three, ten, eleven, seventeen, twenty four and twenty five were all, "Ther will b booz".  
TG: ofc  
TG: most important reson of all drik u silly billy  
TT: And reason eight was "u can get ur mak on *wink wink* ;3"  
TG: janey is bringin her hot cuz come ooooon  
TT: I've told you before I'm not interested, Roxy.  
TG: w/ever  
TG: jus tryin to help u avoid doin sumthin stpupid  
TT: Like what, exactly?  
TG: nvm  
TT: Reason thirteen was "I can show off my hot bf u dont even no this man is smokin distri mumma got herself a keeper"  
TG: i fale to see the prob  
TG: dat reson is watertite  
TT: And reason twenty six, and I am more curious about the addition here, was simply, "jonny boi *wink wink* u no wat im sayin"  
TG: ignore tht one it was teh drink  
TT: Taking those out and ignoring your nonsense answers, you essentially actually said:  
TT: 1. I will get out of the house.  
TT: 2. I will see you, Rose and John.  
TT: 3. I will get real food.  
TT: Twenty six points, and really there were only three.  
TG: w/ever r u draggin urself to mine fr it or wat?  
TT: Of course we're coming. I don't know why you bothered asking.  
TG: GRATE  
TG: gotta go talk to janey an her hot cuz w/ the bote  
TG: gettin the hole gang togetehr dirk  
TG: this will b the best evr o mi god  
TT: I won't take up anymore of your precious time, then. I have actual work to do, I suppose.  
TG: k u have fun bby  
TG: o an rite bfore i forget  
TG: ur in so much truble  
TG: hes kinda hot  
TT: What?  
TG: gtg sry

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 15:34pm --

TT: I don't know why I bother trying to understand you sometimes, RoLal. I really don't.

.:.

TG: luk he just sed he was sneding his dog w/ sum stuff fr me but he only knows ur address  
TG: hes lyk in the midel of the pascific but thats wat he sed so w/ever!  
TG: look out fr sum really wet n worn out dog i gess?

The dog in his living room was neither worn out nor wet, nor had it actually been allowed in. He turned to get some food out of a cupboard for two seconds and with a flash and a crackle from over his shoulder there was abruptly a large white dog with a big, brown-wrapped parcel beside it, fur around its face so shaggy he couldn't even see its eyes. It was just _there._ In his home. With weird green flashy powers or shit.

Bro subconsciously groped for his sword and it flicked an ear, cocking its head at him sardonically as he felt his side buzz where the scabbard was hung and then his sword dropped from midair onto his futon.

"I don't think I like you." He observed warily. The dog rolled its head, then visibly raised and lowered its shoulders. Had it...shrugged at him? He was being shrugged at by a dog with magical green teleporting powers. He was speaking to a dog and it was replying. Wow. He...really needed a drink.

"Don't suppose you can magic me up some whiskey, you little demon doggy you?"

It clearly considered, ears twitching and head gazing off to one side. Then he got one yap before a bottle actually dropped in front of him and he automatically swiped it out of the air. Maybe this dog wasn't so...no, no, wait.

"Sunny Delight. That isn't quite what I asked for, you little shit." The white tail swept across his floor as it panted smugly. "Screw you. I will drink this and _enjoy_ it."

 _Of course_ the bottle vanished just as he went to take a pointed swig.

"So this is how it's going to be, huh?"

The thing fucking _smiled_ before it disappeared.

"Yeah well I'll see you at Christmas! We'll see if you're so great then, fucking dog-douche!"

The Sunny Delight reappeared upside down above him and promptly showered him in sticky orange sugar water. Little asshole. Bro pointedly slurped it off his fingers and wrung out his shirt into his mouth as he stalked to the bathroom, not even pausing when Dave walked out of his room and instantly pulled a face.

"Bro, why're you-?"

"Fucking dog poured it over me before it teleported back to some godforsaken place in the Pacific, I don't even care."

He didn't have to look around to know the look Dave was giving him as he absconded for a legendary infinite shower, slamming the door in his wake.

.:.

At two in the morning he abruptly sat up, blinking in the dark as his mind finally actually caught up with his day.

"Holy fucking shit. That dog can fucking _teleport_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bec will be back! And so will that douche with the yacht who owns him. He clearly won't be that important to the story at all!
> 
> And shhh Roxy. Leave the oblivious boy be.
> 
> ((700 hits adsfghjkl I don't even))
> 
> ((I love you all))


	9. ==> John: Fast Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months pass in the blink of an eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obligatory fast forward chapter! I will try and keep these to a minimum but they are needed sometimes!
> 
> (((I [made something for all you lovely people](http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/006/8/b/bro_thinks_you_re_great_by_ayseetee-d5qm6ie.jpg) (by which I mean here is my concept art for Bro I guess?) because ~~50+~~ **60+** kudos and ~~700+~~ **800+** views, I was so scared when I uploaded this and you are all so lovely.
> 
> **Guys I just woke up where did all these new numbers come from.**
> 
> I'll just be off hiding now.)))

Mom went home a week later after a much fonder farewell than John had expected to give her, standing in the yard as some poor driver loaded a taxi with a stupidly large amount of bags John hadn't even seen once around the house.

He'd been in his room for most of it but he guessed, just maybe, that she was sort of a little bit okay.

He told her so. She slurred proudly about finding her inside voice, whatever the heck that meant, and then staggered to Dad to proceed to share the most embarrassing sloppy make-outs in the history of mankind. John crept back inside the house before someone saw them and he died on the spot of humiliation, but Mom still called one last goodbye through the door before she went, her voice fading out of hearing as she argued with the taxi guy that she would _totes_ be a better driver.

Dad followed him in once the car was gone, locking up and casually adjusting his loosened tie. He walked to where John was busy reclaiming the couch (no more icky parents, nope, not on _his_ sofa) and gave his boy a once over.

"You and Miss Lalonde got along very well. She said she can't wait until we visit." Dad gave a small smile, leaving creases around his eyes and the corners of his mouth. "I'm proud of you, son."

For the first time in a long time, John felt like maybe he actually _meant_ it.

.:.

A day later he got a crisp purple request that he take back the madwoman post haste.

John responded by laughing loudly at his screen.

.:.

He had started recording piano for Bro again. His songs had never sounded so cheerful.

.:.

Dave was around a lot more, John had noticed quickly, and when he pushed it Dave resisted for about two seconds and then spilt everything in red.

TG: so i was talking to rez and then bro was all  
TG: nope  
TG: no privacy for you  
TG: ill just ninja in through your locked door like that aint a thing  
TG: scare the shit outta you  
TG: be all sup daves sweet gf  
TG: you crazy bitch  
TG: and then invite myself out on your next meetup  
TG: so until further notice all meetups are cancelled  
EB: dude, come on, he isn't that bad!  
TG: yeah well you would think that  
TG: but  
TG: your mancrush on bro aside  
TG: he could bring cal john  
TG: he could bring cal  
EB: he wouldn't do that to you!  
TG: no he really would  
TG: he loves messing with my shit  
TG: this situation is a goldmine to him and the tears of my friends are his treasure  
TG: that puppet is simply the dynamite to break through the rocks of friendship so he can claim the terrified reward beyond  
TG: basically he would bring cal and bam all my friends are too emotionally scarred to ever talk to me again  
TG: once more the puppet ruins everything  
EB: once more?  
TG: that fucker is a menace egbert  
TG: protip  
TG: dont trust the motherfucking puppet  
EB: uuuuuuuuh...  
EB: i'll bear that in mind?  
TG: plus theres always the slightly disturbing fact bro has probably made out with it  
TG: with his dick  
EB: wow i  
EB: just  
EB: what?  
TG: i told you bro was weird john  
TG: you should be glad you listened  
TG: theres stuff about him that would break your tiny mind  
EB: um like what, exactly?  
TG: its all in the fucking puppets john  
TG: its always the fucking puppets

He pried casually at every opportunity, but that was the closest he ever got to whatever the hell Dave was trying to tell him in his unique, rambling and dumb as fuck way.

.:.

Jade had been invited a few days after Mom got home, and her and John had then shared a conversation consisting of nothing but excited emoticons. Rose had written a lengthy congratulations on finally preparing to leave the nest even if he would return to it again, saying she was certain the holiday season would prove pivotal to his growth as a person. Bro casually avoided mentioning it apart from one muted comment about looking forward to it.

And then, _Dave._

TG: egbert if you even look at bro too long i will come at you dude  
TG: dont think i havent noticed you asking about him all the time  
TG: and how you jump up like a meerkat whenever he walks by my door on webcam  
TG: and how you keep on saying how great he is and shit  
TG: see  
TG: i know whats going on here  
TG: and he is a terrible choice for a first one  
TG: you have no idea  
TG: i only hope you meet him  
TG: realise hes a bag of dicks  
TG: come to your senses  
TG: and leave all of this behind you  
TG: we are not going to have some terrible bfb shit going down  
TG: get over this crush before i strife it out of you

Whoa whoa _whoa_!

EB: you think i have a crush on bro?????  
TG: egbert its so obvious its like the wall of china  
TG: they can see that shit from space  
EB: no!!! oh my god that is so wrong its funny.  
EB: i don't have a crush on bro, dave!  
EB: i'm not even gay!  
TG: of course youre not  
TG: but you know  
TG: here i was thinking it was just a river in egypt  
EB: what?  
TG: im gonna go talk to rose  
TG: got some thoughts to share with our favourite shrink  
TG: later egderp

Dave was just so stupid sometimes!

.:.

The snow came early. John built a Bro with his usual flock, taller and sort of shaped triangular down, desperately hoping it wouldn't just collapse. Luckily it held. He felt better when he sat with them and told them how excited he was to really meet them, and he even managed to make a crude mould and freeze Dave and Bro some ice shades.

They both approved of the pictures he sent them. John considered that a total success.

.:.

The day came.

John stood on the edge of his yard, watching his Dad load their cases into the taxi while the driver stood by, having been told no help was required. He was rocking on his feet right at the edge of the grass, mind abuzz with excitement. He was going to go on a plane, and to a mansion, and see all his friends and just-

"John?" Dad snapped him out of it, closing the boot with a sharp snap. "Come on, then, we mustn't be late."

There was an apprehensive expression on his face, and John looked away, fidgeting, toeing the boundary that had marked his entire existence. His house was empty behind him for the first time in years, the whole wide world was ahead, and he felt...

Small. And sort of scared.

Home was safe and warm and familiar. He didn't know what to expect out there, and it was only now hitting him and constricting a panicked noose around his throat. What if something terrible happened to him? What if he just couldn't cope? What if people knew he was different? What if his friends didn't like him, face to face?

Dad moved to him and put a big hand on his shoulder, squeezing it once like he always had when he knelt and wiped John's tears away after nightmares, or after arguments when John kept trying to apologise. John gave a nervous smile back, thankful for the small gesture.

"You know it's alright to be afraid." Deeper blue searched sky, and the hand tightened again. "I'm sorry, if I kept you too close, too long. I just never wanted you hurt. Miss Lalonde is right; you deserve room to grow and while I know these next few weeks won't be enough to repay you for all the years I have perhaps been overzealous in my pursuit of parental protection, I hope it will be a start. Just know wherever you go in life you will always be welcome to come home, John. I love you, and I mean it every day when I tell you how proud of you I am."

It was the first time he'd ever actually spoken to John out loud, about some coming of age step forward. His voice was much quieter and earnest than large black capitals had ever been. The typical eye roll at such statements was replaced by a stinging in his eyes and nose and John's lip wobbled, his father's warm gaze unwavering and true.

It didn't matter he was coming back here, in a few weeks. He felt like this was a huge moment for him. Maybe for once Rose had been right

John stepped forward to hug him, tight, and mumble something suspiciously like _I love you too_. His father chuckled in response, patted his back, and when John let go he was out on the sidewalk, out in the real world, heart thundering with every step he took further from his castle, and further towards whatever awaited him beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering what the hell bfb is, it is [THIS.](http://youtu.be/BVBfz9MGyG8)
> 
>  ~~Spoilers: when they get together John is totally going to sing this as his confession.~~ This is STUPID.


	10. ==> Bro: Meet And Greet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro chills at Chez Lalonde and meets some new and old acquaintances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bluuuuuh. Can I just say I had trouble with this one? Just because I sort of needed introductions to everyone but they had to be brief so it's all a bit rushed to me? Needed though! Didn't want it to drag on.
> 
> Longer introductions will follow as they come! Especially between Bro and John!
> 
> Edit: 900. I don't even.

"DISTRI! Wait, no, Bro, I know I pinky promised, you're Bro all the holidays and ohmigod you came this is the bestest crimbo ever okay? ROSEY COME SEE BRO AND DAVE! No no leave the bags I'll gettem, no promisin' they'll end up in the right room though! ROSEY HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO oh there you are, sweetie."

Bro liked Rose. He had done since he first read one of her essays on Dave over his shoulder, all truthful and clinical but still snarky and subtle and snide. She wrote with eloquence and elegance and her view of life as one long passive aggressive strife against the world was certainly inherited from her mother, though rather than take it on through alcohol and optimism she instead chose to attack with sharp mind and words bared. They had spoken once or twice on Pesterchum, and with reluctance she was the one friend Dave didn't avoid Bro strolling in to talk to. Mostly because any time he did she brought up his repressed issues and lectured him until he caved and stormed out to get Bro for her.

Bro was usually sitting at his desk when he got back from looking for him. Rose knew about the trapdoors, of course. She had, after all, advised him on how Dave sat and where best to position the one in his room so it was invisible to the camera.

Presently she had appeared beside Roxy in her usual dark attire, giving a dramatic curtesy and then clasping her hands over her stomach with a small, coy smile.

"David, Bro. How pleasant to see faces that do not belong to a thoughtless drunk."

"'Sup." Dave greeted dismissively, bouncing on the balls of his feet with barely contained excitement he wasn't hiding at all. Bro gave her a smirk and a curt nod, and her eyes sparkled mischievously.

"I trust your trip went well?"

"Mostly, but I got a fucking field day for you, Lalonde. Davey's scared of flying. Go to it."

She had a notebook in her hand and a pen poised instantly, attention intently focused on Dave, who groaned and punched Bro's arm. Bro responded by picking him up and tossing him over one shoulder, ignoring him struggling as he strode after a beckoning Rose.

"If you would be so kind as to leave the patient there," Her pen sharply gestured to a ridiculous therapy couch he had no doubt Roxy had bought her during some snide exchange of gifts. "I will see what I can do."

Dave was unceremoniously deposited just as she had asked, complaining after him as he strode back to Roxy, who giggled into her glass.

"You make me feel like a good parent y'know, baby." She jabbed him in the chest with a pointed pink nail. "Thanks for that. You gonna stick around an' actually say hello to people before you go off and turn my home into a deathtrap?"

"Come on, I wasn't gonna do that." Bro chuckled as she narrowed her eyes and put her hand on her hip as it jutted out to one side. "Alright, fine, I was only gonna do Dave's room. Maybe yours. No harm in some good old fashioned fun."

"Not everyone's idea of fun is havin' a metric ton of sex puppets dumped on their head y'know."

"Oh, I assure you, I find it hilarious."

Roxy grinned at him, cackling before she clapped him on the back. "Dave's room's second floor, third on your left. Knock yourself out but I totes had no part in it when he gets mad. You two can go duke it out on the observatory or whatevs."

"As always, you are an angel, Rolal."

"Oh you." He kissed the back of her hand and she laughed, smacking him away. "Stop it before someone thinks you're straight."

"At least if they did the inevitable hookup you're attempting to set up for me would fail."

"Oh, I don't think so. I have a _plan,_ Dirk. You are gonna get some sugar this holiday like it or not, but I'm gonna go ahead and guess it'll be right to your tastes even if I found it maybe a lil...unsuitable to mine. But I will help my BFF whatev I have to do, so I guess you'll just have to strike off a few a those favours, k?"

"We'll wait and see what the hell you're talking about first."

"Oh yes we will! Except I won't. 'Cause I already know. Lol."

Roxy chattered away about her cats and Rose and how great Christmas was going to be after providing him with a large glass of whiskey (she was trying to get him drunk, why was she trying to get him drunk) and listening to all three words he had to say himself (no complaints here) as in the background Dave argued in a higher and higher pitched tone he wasn't scared of heights and Rose calmly advised the first step to dealing with your fears is admitting them.

Just after Bro had dodged the first empty bottle Dave inevitably lobbed at his head (Roxy left the things _everywhere_ ) the doorbell rang and the lady of the house sprung up with a squeal and skipped over, stumbling out of time as she reached her destination and eagerly threw open the doors.

"Hello! Are you Rose's mum?" Girl, teenager, bubbly and excited and Australian, possibly. Certainly Pacific.

"I birthed the witch. Izzit Jade? Island girl."

"Yes! Hello! I hope I'm not too early, Bec does whatever he wants sometimes!" He could _hear_ the multiple exclamation points, knew they were there and that annoyed him. He was picturing some little bouncy blonde girl all in pink and flowers, a cheerleader sort, with the giggle she had just loudly given. It ended with a snort, oh God, how was this a friend of Dave? This was the sort of girl Dave complained about all the time.

Then she strode in and he quietly dispersed those thoughts because what he got was a girl with russet skin and black hair curling all around her shoulders, her head almost at his height and her expected pretty shirt and skirt over huge hiking boots that thudded on the floor. She was huge in a good way, looked like she'd have a solid chance against him in a fistfight, even ignoring the rifle slung across her back. Given her taped up, big round glasses, she had possibly been in a few fights before.

"Rose! Wow, you're so pretty! And Dave! What's up, coolkid?"

"Holy shit, _Harley_?"

"No, fuckass, I'm John! Of course it's me!" She gave another high pitched laugh, shoulders shaking, before striding over with big purposeful steps and crushing Dave in a hug, his arms flailing behind her back as he wheezed. "Wow! You're so small! I always thought you'd be taller."

"I always thought you'd be more girl and less..." He waved at her as she let go, and she folded her arms at him. "Uh. I mean. You're just not what I expected!"

"Uh, I live on a tropical island alone fending for myself except for Bec. How was I not going to be like this?"

"I...thought you were, like...exaggerating?"

She punched his arm and Dave yelped, rubbing it rapidly as Bro snorted into his whiskey. That would be his brother being beaten up by a girl right there. Oh, he was never letting that one go.

"Well I wasn't! So there!" Harley mussed up his hair before she turned to Rose, who chuckled. "Rose! Please be more intelligent than Dave?"

"Hello, Jade. It is lovely to meet you and I am pretty sure I can manage that request. Please, do take a seat. I think thanks to that little exchange I have some _fascinating_ new things to discuss with our dear Strider."

Bro took it back. She was just the sort of girl he wanted as a friend of Dave.

"Distri! Oops, totes meant _Bro_ , my bad. Janey's here!"

And there was his time relaxing ended. He sighed and swaggered over to stand beside where Roxy was waving excitedly at the car that had just pulled up, a familiar younger woman in a blue dress stumbling out with a hat and suitcase and waving to the older man driving before starting to excitedly scamper up the path towards them. She was shorter than he remembered. Or maybe he was taller? It had been a long time, whatever the case.

Jane had been Roxy's best friend when they were at college together, appearing in their shared home so often he had become convinced they were in a relationship until Jane explained frantically they were just pals. She was about a year younger than the two of them and acted a lot less than that, but she was endearing, in a sweet and innocent way. The idea that, from what Roxy had explained, she was practically running a major corporation now was a little jarring.

"Roxy! Dirk! Wow, look at you both!" Jane stopped in front of them, out of breath, resting a hand over her stomach. She was small and rounded but not too much. She looked exactly like the sort of person who made a living selling cakes. "It's been so long since we met up! How have you been?"

"Shoosh, Janey baby, Distri's name is off limits 'cause he's a weird man going through his midlife crisis-"

"Hey-!" He interrupted indignantly, but Roxy put a finger over his lips.

"-so he is now known as Bro, k? His name's all mystical and whatev. Say it three times and he jumps out of mirrors at you, and no one wants that."

"Oh! Alright!" Jane looked thoughtful, then grinned at him. "Something to hide, Strider?"

"If there were I'm sure you'd sleuth it out."

"I do still dabble in a bit of jolly good investigation when the mood takes me, let me warn you, chum!"

"Well could you investigate stepping the fuck inside? This place is fucking freezing."

Roxy elbowed him but Jane hooted a laugh and obliged, stepping inside and then becoming entangled in a drunken Roxy hug the moment the door was to. They both giggled and laughed and tittered away about whatever women talked about. Knowing Roxy, she was probably raving about Dad. Oh fuck, now he was calling him that! Shit, that had to stop.

The girls dragged themselves to a couch without actually quite letting go of one another, and he was fully prepared to mooch on after them before the bell rang and Roxy didn't even look at him, just waved a hand towards it as a silent command. He grumbled but slouched back to it and pulled it open, leaning on the door.

"Oh _hell_ no. You can fuck the hell off, you asshole."

"What the devil dickens-?"

"Not you. The fucking devilbeast." He jabbed at the dog, the stupid white dog, which panted smugly back, looking all innocent as a puppy. "Shoo, fucker. We don't want your kind."

"...oh! Bec? Wait. What the blazes did Bec do?"

"It knows what it did. Shoo. Shoo!"

The dog vanished and Bro felt triumphant, taking a swig of whiskey as he looked over at the actual guest. He stopped. His face twisted.

"Motherfucker." He muttered, looking down into the bright orange now filling his glass and smelling faintly of sugar and E-numbers.

"Well. That's your spat with my good mutt sorted I hope? Rightyo! Would I be in the presence of the famed Strider fellow Roxy is forever telling me about? I think we've spoken once or twice, traded parcels for delivery on her behalf?"

"You would be, and we have." Bro finally looked him over. A little shorter than him, quite wide and tough looking, tanned and stubbled and with a big toothy grin to rival John's. He was in a fairly relaxed jacket and jeans, though both looked a little rough around the edges, and when Bro inhaled he could still smell sea salt. "Jane's cousin, right? With the yacht."

"Jake! Jake English." He offered a calloused hand, which Bro examined for a minute before taking. The man was clearly no stranger to hard work, nor to an old fashioned gun from the gunpowder stains and burns on his fingertips and sleeves. 

"Call me Bro." He took it and felt English squeeze just a little too tight. Typical alpha male power play. Predictable. A true alpha male went for more subtle attacks. "You got your guns on you?"

"Oh!" There was flicker of surprise and suspicion, clearly quickly buried under some mental excuse as to how he had that information, like the marks on his fingers weren't a metaphorical neon sign. "Of course! Never leave home without some damn fine firepower." English flicked out his forefingers and winked, and Bro tossed him between idiot and dork and couldn't decide quite what to label him. "You a marksman yourself?"

"Always preferred swords."

"Ah, the noblest art. Can't fault you for that. To be honest I always was more a man for rough and tumble myself. Nothing beats a good set of knuckles!"

"Jakey, you're lettin' all the cold in!" Roxy shouted out at them, and without another word he was bundling past Bro, slinging his large rucksack over his shoulder.

"My dearest apologies, Lalonde! Ah, Jane! How simply super to see you again!"

"You were gonna set me up with that?" Bro mouthed at Roxy when he shut the door, eyebrow raised in judgement. She rolled her eyes and waited until English was bent over the couch to hug Jane before she swept a hand over the back to gesture at his ass and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Those were tight jeans.

That was a fine ass.

Bro raised his glass and submitted the point.

He watched the ass as they talked and laughed, and as ever he hung back, placing English in the dork category after a while because he sort of reminded him of John.

No sooner had he thought it than there was a knock at the door, probably from an arm too low to reach Roxy's stupid high doorbell. Logic dictated who was the last guest who would be that short. Bro glanced at Dave, still occupied with defending himself in psychological strife, then left his glass on the side and slipped out of the door.

John looked up at him, giving the broadest, excited smile, like a four year old on Christmas morning who'd just been given the world's most adorable puppy, and Bro just took in his face, and his father pulling suitcases out of a car at the other end of the drive, and for once he let all his typical intricate analysis wait. Some things were more important than having an advantage.

He had barely started to stoop before John sprung and hugged him tightly, deceptively strong arms looped around his neck, dragging him down over the boy's shoulder so his own larger arms awkwardly fitted around his back. There wasn't as much puppy fat as he'd expected, a lot more muscle that could be built upon, a lot more broad stocky strength in his short form. John held him, squeezed him close, for an eternity, but the moment he let go and Bro straightened it felt like maybe it hadn't been quite long enough.

"Um. Hi, Bro!"

His voice was a mid tenor but for a squeak at the end, apparently having been struck by puberty since they spoke face to face. "You're really tall."

"Maybe you're just really short." He replied with a shrug, ruffling his soft messy bed-head hair. "Come on, everyone else is here. Tell Dave I was helping your Dad with his bags or whatever if he asks why I came out."

"But...wow. You came out just to see me." John sounded awed, like that wasn't obvious, then grinned. "He'd flip off the handle, he told me I had to like, avoid you because he's a stupid douche who thinks stupid things. That's like a challenge! A dare! He should know me better than that."

"I woulda told you I'd taken up baking."

"Bluh! See _that_ would work!" John laughed, then paused and shuffled his feet, before quickly lunging forward, hugging Bro's waist and mumbling something like a thank you, darting past to the door a second later.

"Whoa, kid," Bro just caught his shoulder and made him look back, "what was that for?"

"...I dunno. For being you, I guess." John told him with a half-smile, and left a weird fuzzy warmth in Bro's stomach as he giggled nervously and vanished inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jake. Jake what are you doing in a JohnBro fanfic. Jake go away.
> 
> Fun facts! John is 5'5" at this point and Bro is ofc 6'6". Dave is 5'9", Rose is 5'6", and Jade is 6'2" because she had early growth spurts and is super tall.
> 
> And yes, both Jade and Jake think they own Bec. He does what he wants, bitches!


	11. ==> John: Say Hi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John meets his best friends. They play Scrabble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the Beta kids. I hope you like them! I've said previously I should stop Dave'ing and I really should, but then I was a fool and planned a story where he appears a lot. Intelligence!!!!
> 
> (It's a short one, but only because the next one is so long I just needed something quick and light and cheerful first!)

"Hi!"

It was meant to come out sort of calmly but what escaped was practically a squeal, and it seized the attention of everyone in the room. The first thing he noticed was Mom with some other grown ups, lounged on a large couch. As soon as he smiled nervously at her she was giving him a tipsy grin and staggering to her feet, waving a hand dismissively at her two guests.

"Janey, Jakey, if you will excuse the queen of the house. I hafta go find my sugar daddy. You be good, cutie." She added as she swanned past him, reeking of drink and strong perfume, the scent comforting in its familiarity. His house _still_ sort of had the scent about it.

"JOHN!"

Before he could pull his attention back from her he was seized and dragged into the air by strong arms he momentarily thought were Dave's before he realised he didn't know the excited voice that had shouted and it belonged to a _girl_ which meant his assumption was probably quite an insult to Dave, considering. He was crushed to a shoulder and over it he could see the man himself, immaculate, poker faced, one elbow leaning on Rose's shoulder where her own familiar face was smiling up at him.

"Good evening, John. It is so lovely to see you in person."

"Hi-" He wheezed. "-Rose. 'Sup Dave."

"Harley," Dave said slowly, making his happy face (corners of his mouth twitching up and his eyebrows just above the curve of his shades with a little pink in his cheeks), "Put the poor kid down, you're like an excited puppy on steroids, come on, stop."

"But _Joooooohn!_ He's so small! So _cute_!" With that she had flung him back, holding him out with hands under his arms, and he got a good look at the beaming face of the girl he assumed was Jade. "Hi John!"

"Jade! You're...really big."

"Oh my gosh, why did everyone think I'm tiny?" She complained back, rolling her eyes and dropping him back to the floor. John managed to catch his balance, standing and brushing himself down. "I'll have you all know Grandpa said we Harleys are of sturdy stock!"

"Big isn't bad!" John explained quickly, desperate not to upset anyone, fingers fidgeting behind his back as he swung his arms back. "I'd just never really thought about what you look like, that's all!"

"Unlike dear Strider, who had assumed all women were petite little damsels, then?" Rose chimed in cheerfully. Dave spluttered.

"That isn't what I said! I just said I was shocked a chick could have a figure like that! That's a totally different thing!"

"Of course it is, Dave. Of course it is."

He grumbled about not being able to hit girls, glaring at Rose behind his shades, and John laughed.

"Oh wow." He said without thinking. "You guys are real."

"Duh! What were you expecting? Fancy computer programs?" Jade snorted, slinging an arm around his shoulder. "Of course we're real, John, and trust me," Her voice dropped conspiritorially, "Dave is just as annoying in real life."

John laughed again, and Jade swatted off Dave's weak attempts to hit her shoulder ( _you're not a girl you're a menace and you already beat me up so fair's fair Harley - wait, no, don't hit me back!_ ). Rose chuckled softly as she followed them back to couch, and John swore she was making little notes all the way.

.:.

"Rose, what the fuck, that is not a fucking word!"

"Jade, would you please pass me that dictionary so I can prove to Dave that my strategy, unlike his, is to actually play things that exist? Thank you. Oh look, Dave, here is my nonsense word! _Exequial._ It means funereal. I am shocked someone with your obsession with death would not know that! I believe with both triple words and a double letter that is precisely three hundred and fifty six points to myself. Your turn, Strider."

"Fuck you." He muttered, playing a sheepish _sword_. "Not all of us are walking dictionaries. Some of us use real words like real people."

"Dave a minute ago you were trying to play ' _hass_ '." John pointed out, gesturing at the now correct three letter word.

"Yeah well Jade said her Grandpa was called that so it totally shoulda counted!"

"Tut tut, no pronouns, Strider." Rose corrected with a sly smile. Dave groaned.

"I can't believe I'm playing fucking _Scrabble._ I can't believe you're this fucking rich and you don't have a single fucking computer game or console in the whole fucking mansion! I'm gonna die of boredom, guys, I can feel it already. My heart just can't be bothered to go on. Tell Bro it's time to get all _exequial_ up in this place, because Dave Strider is done. Scrabble and dorks killed him."

"Dave, _you_ are the biggest dork, it is you." John told him as the blonde boy overdramatically swooned onto his lap. "Here, Jade, can you put my word on for me? I have a stupid fat lump of coolkid in my way."

"Who you calling fat, Egbert?"

"I called you stupid too."

"Pfff. You wish you were as cool as me, dunkass."

"What, you mean not cool at all?"

That started another elbow war, the girls sharing a long look that ended in matching rolls of their eyes, before John felt Dave shift and then he was pinned to the floor and Dave was attacking his ribs, leaving him howling.

"OH MY GOD STOP I'M TICKLISH YOU STUPID FUCK I GIVE I GIVE!"

"Of course you do. Striders never lose."

"'Cept to other Striders." Bro called over from where the adults were sharing a drink and playing a more grown up game of poker, not missing a beat, and Dave's smug smile dropped to a grumble.

"Shuddup, asshole! Nobody asked you!"

John giggled and Dave gave him a look, somewhere halfway between mock betrayal and actual suspicion. "You're meant to be on my side, John! Not some old fuck up's!"

"Well if I actually see any old fuck ups I'll bear that in mind."

Rose snorted. "John, Mother's right over there."

.:.

At some point Dave convinced them to liven things up and they ended up turning it into a sport to play the filthiest words they could, and Dave and John quickly learnt Jade was a force of filth to be reckoned with and Rose simply knew every polite way of being debaucherous in the book. To no one's surprise John dropped out fairly quickly with a few weak offerings and spent most of the next hour asking "...well what does _that_ one mean?"

At least until Jade got too loud and Dad started to head over and everyone scrambled to pack up like they had been meaning to do that right then anyway! When he gave them an odd look and walked back over to the adults they all relaxed and laughed and ended up sprawled out on the carpet, staring up at the high vaulted ceiling, decorated with some grand fresco of wizards and cats and ponies John found mesmerising in its terrible kitschness.

"Mother all over." Rose had stated sourly, like that was an explanation in itself.

So they lay and gazed up at wizards like stars, and now and then Dave pointed out some new detail he'd noticed in awe, both of its beauty as one of the greatest pieces of ironic art he said he'd ever seen and just of the fact someone had _paid money for that._

John spent most of the time quietly listening to them talk, and feeling Dave's warmth on one side and Jade's on the other. He was here, with them. He was miles from home. He was somewhere new and exciting and every breath felt fresher than any one he'd taken before, filling his lungs and his heart with every inhale. When Dave and Rose were called by Mom to help her get dinner laid out ( _you're the only two I wanna take advantage of, those two are just too cute, I mean lookit those toothy smiles_ ) John felt a little let down, shuffling closer to Jade and hoping she didn't notice.

She rolled her head to face him, and he blushed, but she gave him a warm little smile.

"...it's great, isn't it? Other people." Her voice was a low, private confidance, her gaze nervously dropping. "I mean Bec's okay, but _people_. Wow. I hadn't realised how lonely I've been until I saw all of you! I'm so glad you guys are my friends, and I'm so glad we're all together. I wish it was like this all the time!"

The fact she lived all alone on some island somewhere suddenly actually sunk in, and a swell of empathy followed, and he had so much he wanted to say, all about how he felt and how she would understand and how he sort of never ever wanted to leave them all again. 

"Yeah." Was all John actually managed back, but the brilliant smile she gave him as they were called to eat told him even that had been enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already writing the next chapter, ~~and I've realised I'm probably going to hit 1000 hits tonight~~ , so before my head explodes I need to get the next one done.
> 
> Spoiler guys: First Kiss.
> 
> **Guys that's too many hits. Guys. It's been five days. GUYS.**
> 
> **If I didn't already have a beautiful matesprit I would ask you all to marry me.**
> 
> **Let us sail this ship into the sunset together, my beautiful readers. Let us sail away into a glorious world of BroJohn and never look back.**


	12. ==> Bro: Have A Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro and Roxy have a serious talk. John cheers him up.
> 
> And then they kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, guys. It begins.

So he'd found out Jane and Dad - he'd given up now, the name had stuck, no matter how fucking weird it was - worked together, Jake drank like a champ, and Roxy had decided to call them all her little family and get all emotional about all her friends being under one roof. Everyone was pretty tipsy, even if Dad's tipsy seemed to be getting _even more_ polite and charming, and no matter how much whiskey he'd had Bro was the undisputed king of poker. The only difference was he was now the fuckin' king of poker with his accent flarin' like mad and he'd become convinced strip poker was a fuckin' _great_ idea, the kids wouldn't give a shit. Jake was halfway through pulling his top off when Roxy snorted and announced it was time for dinner and called Dave and Rose over to help.

Despite losing his chance to see that fine ass naked, it had been a good night.

"You should get Davey a maid's outfit, it'd suit him." He announced to Roxy, gesturing with his latest drink (he hadn't lost count. Well...only a little) from where they were sat in the kitchen, watching Rose and Dave ferry dishes and food back and forth. "I'll rent him to you for minimum wage."

"Bro, baby, I think you're drunk."

"Roxy, baby, I think you're right."

They both burst out laughing like that was just the _funniest_ thing and Dave stalked past with a stack of plates, muttering about _stupid drunk brother gonna look like an idiot at the table_. On his way back Bro stuck out his leg and Dave went flying, but Bro was proud when he pulled it in to a forward roll and a smooth return to standing, not pausing in his stride. Maybe the kid had learnt a thing or two after all.

"That's m'boy." He told Roxy with a lopsided grin. She snorted.

"Is it? I've never been sure, y'know. It'd explain a lot, but I know he ain't. You'd never get a girl knocked up. You'd never do a girl!"

"Yeah I meant like...spiritually. I'm the one who taught him that shit. Kinda proud he ain't wastin' it."

"It's so sweet when they grow up. Look at Rosey. She's a snarky bitchy little clever cow, just like me! I'm so proud." Roxy cackled. "Bless her."

Roxy sipped her drink as her laughter faded, giving him a long, sideways look he couldn't help but notice. She delicately stirred the clear fluid with her novelty pink cat on a stick, dropping her voice before she spoke again.

"Look at us, Dirk. We're gettin' old. Our kids will be all grown up soon an' leavin' the nest, and what have we got left then?"

"You've got your sugar daddy." He slurred, and Roxy smiled sadly, resting her chin on the dainty fingers of one hand.

"Yeah, Distri...but who's gonna be there for you, baby?"

Through the dark glass her neon pink held his slightly hurt amber, and then he jerked his head away, mumbling unintelligible curses as he downed the rest of the glass. He slammed it down on the side and stood as she sighed wearily and reached for his arm.

"No. No more of this shit." He stepped back, frowning at her, wiping his mouth on the back on his hand. "I don't need you tryin' to fix my love life, Rox, I can fuckin' deal with bein' alone, okay? It's been long enough, I'm fuckin' used to it by now!"

"You shouldn't have to be."

"Look, the right person ain't gonna magically fall outta the sky 'cause _you_ snapped your fingers. If I meet him, I'll _know_. Me. Not you. Someday I'll find him, sure, an' when I do it'll all be stars and rainbows and fuckin' butterflies but right now, I'm fine, so just drop it. I'm not old. I'm _not_." 

"But one day you're gonna be and you're gonna be alone if you don't actually _do_ something! I mean...has it ever, like, occured to you that maybe you've already met him?"

"Yeah, and he's the dork with glasses in the other room! Get a grip, Rox."

She pursed her lips at that, sitting back, swirling her drink into a little angry cyclone.

"That. Is. _IT!_ Dirk Strider, you are the most clueless stupid jerk I've ever met, y'know that? Somethin' great stares you right in the face no matter how fucked up other people would find it an' you just look straight through it like it isn't even there!" Roxy stood, slamming her glass down beside her, shoving a trembling finger in his face. "You've been pullin' this _I'm fine alone_ shit for _years_ and fuck _no one_ believes it but you! Just for once would you listen to me and get off your sorry ass, put on your nicest dress and just go _fucking flirt or something_ rather than waiting for a choir of smutty puppet angels to announce the time is nigh!"

"I'm not interested in-"

_"I wasn't talking about him!"_

He stared at her blankly, and she panted, then threw up her hands. "Nope! Nope. If you are gonna be this dumb, I am totes done with this. I have set wheels in motion and if _you_ are goin' a be a big stupid douchebag rock in the road that's your fault. I'm out, Dirk. I'm so completely done."

"Roxy-"

She strode out, leaving her drink on the side, and he stared after her, barely noticing Rose tutting at him as she followed her mother, swiping up the glass and placing it on the tray she was taking out.

"May I suggest you join us at the table before dinner gets cold?" She suggested, and he sighed and headed out, starting to remember why he never, ever drank with his friends.

.:.

Dinner was happy, and cheerful, and even Roxy was joining in with it. Bro was trying to focus on his meal, some weird mix of Dad's cooking he'd apparently actually _brought with him_ and some catering shit Roxy had ordered in. It was an odd thing to adjust to but it sort of all tasted good in the end. Bro could swallow it, at least. That was better than most shit he ate.

He found himself aimlessly shuffling his food around his plate after a while, back to his usual role as the insociable recluse. Should've know better than to relax. When he relaxed, he tended to fuck up in more emotive and painful ways. Tonight was no exception. He couldn't even _remember_ the last time Roxy had really raised her voice to him, let alone-

Ow.

His head snapped up as his shin was kicked again under the table, and after a moment of glaring along the table behind his shades, he caught a flash of sky blue flicking up towards him.

John kicked him again. He frowned, and kicked back.

A mouthful of food stifled John's giggle, and now the eyes were definitely fixed on him as he felt the rush and went to defend, raising an eyebrow as John took advantage and hit his other leg instead. Oh, this shit was _on_.

He started eating again, calmly, holding his upper body steady as the strife below the table grew more quick and more challenging than he wanted to admit. For all John wasn't great with strength, he was a tricksy one. Certainly had a flare about his motions. A few low blows and then suddenly he felt one practically at his knee, jerking his legs up and then getting a flurry to his heels. John was practically choking with laughter, and Bro decided to take advantage, pulling his legs back and then sweeping in for a side attack.

"OW! Who did that?"

John actually choked as Dad jumped in the seat beside him, and goddamit the man had to have his legs out didn't he? Instinctively, Bro jabbed a thumb at Dave, who squawked indignantly and tried desperately to swallow his food and defend himself.

He didn't see what Dad did, and God he wish he had, because the man just twitched and suddenly Dave's chair was on its back on the floor as it was jerked forward, jolting under the table, complete with Dave. His brother started crying out blue murder and John laughed loudly and openly when he reemerged with a perfect shoe print in polish delicately on his face, the imprint lovely and crisp. Bro snorted. Dave smacked his shoulder.

"You are the greatest fucking asshole in the world." He grumbled, slumping into his seat and examining his face in his spoon. "Oh my God. Oh my God, Bro, my face!"

"I know. What a fuckin' improvement, huh?"

Dave whined and he laughed along with most of the table, and he wasn't sure where his bad mood had gone but it seemed to have been kicked completely away.

.:.

"Okay my sweet bubbas it is time for dreamy time." Roxy announced loudly, and all the kids but Rose groaned in sync, drawing a fond smile out Dad where he was sitting opposite Bro still, pouring Jake another drink. "Nope. No groaning. That means adults too, you know." She added, turning and gesturing vaguely at the cluster of them at the table. This time Jake groaned.

"Blast! We'd just got to the good stuff."

"Plenty of time for the boozes, Jakey. See? See, I told you that was the _importantest_ reason." Bro rolled his eyes as she gestured at him, but he was glad it wasn't angry anymore. "Off. Shoo."

"But-" Jake tried again.

"Shhh, only sleep now."

Roxy herded them, off onto their different floors, her harpoon gun appearing when Jake continued to protest. Bro was the last to lope off down the corridor on the ground floor, and she caught his shoulder, shoving a harpoon under his chin.

"Sometimes...to do somethin' intile...intela... _clever_ , we gotta do something dumb." She slurred, leaning close, eyes burning into his through the glass. Then she pulled away, nodding down the corridor. "Night, Dirk."

"...it's Bro." He mumbled agitatedly, rubbing his chin where the harpoon had skimmed it and stalking off into the shadows.

He didn't give her words another thought, at the stage drink and drowsiness had put him beyond caring. He could fret about vague philosophical nonsense tomorrow, right now, there was only bed. He found his door below one of the few pools of light under a still-lit lamp, opposite one that was already shut. Bro grumbled as he opened the door, fully prepared to fling Cal out of his sylladex at light speed to tell the fucker all about his day.

"Oh! Hey, Bro!"

"Huh." He looked over his shoulder at the opposite door, now open and with John leaning through the gap. "Hey, kid. Figured she was gonna stick me with the Australian guy."

"I'm totally glad I'm near you! I mean Dave is two floors upstairs, we can actually talk down here." John grinned, then descended into soft giggles. "I can't believe you kicked Dad!"

"I can't believe he did that to Dave on such short notice."

"I think you'll find a true prankster is _always_ prepared." The kid explained seriously, before smiling again. "It was great. You looked so grumpy before but I totally made you smile! My prankster's gambit was a force for good, dude, you can't complain."

"Guess not." His door swung open but he stepped back to ruffle John's hair, the kid sliding out and fixing around his waist before he could stop him. "Fuckin' fond of hugs there, kid. I'm having a cuddle overload."

"Yeah well, I only had Dad to hug before. Apparently I am totally a huggy person. Deal with it. You are my friend, I will hug you, so ther..."

John's voice faded as he looked up, the finger prodding Bro's chest pausing lightly on his shirt. His cheeks went pink as he mumbled something quietly, and Bro frowned down at his wide-eyed-caught-in-headlights expression.

"...what? Kid, you gotta speak up if-"

"Um. Mistletoe."

Bro's head jerked up and he stared at the clump tied to the lamp with pink ribbon, taking a moment to take that in. Mistletoe. Tied in _pink_. Between the rooms she had given them.

Roxy, what the _fuck?_

"Hell no." He tried to untangle but John's hands tightened around him and he looked down to a forced pout and nervous puppy eyes. Oh no. No, no _no._

"...Dave says it's bad luck if you don't!"

Oh of course _Dave_ had fucking said that!

"Bro please don't give me bad luck!"

He just had to say no and walk away. That's all it would take.

"Please I've only just got to see everyone what if something bad happens!"

"John-"

"...please?" John mumbled, softly, eyes glistening with upset in the light. Christ, the kid was actually scared by this bullshit, and he look so tragic and adorable Bro slapped himself inwardly and sighed.

"Grow up, kid." He muttered, stepping back, and John sniffed, hurt in his features.

He'd been right. This kid would be the death of him.

Bro held everything down in the pit of his stomach as he leant down and although he hesitated, once, when John noticed he was moving closer, the moment those blue eyes lit up and filled with that cheerful spark he had coaxed back into life once before, Bro felt a tension slide out of his shoulders and tugged him up into the hug to meet his head halfway, his large lips pressing to John's soft ones in a chaste kiss that was meant to be fleeting and light and just to _stop_ , but the moment they connected he couldn't quite bring himself to break it, the world frozen for him but for the pounding of his heart in his ears and the heat in his arms.

John shivered when Bro's cold piercing brushed his chin,

flexed his fingers into the polo shirt and shifted fully onto the balls of his feet,

gave sharp little breaths through his nose that washed over Bro's face,

and made quiet, meaningless sounds in his throat.

Bro realised as his own eyes slid dangerously close to shutting the one thing John wasn't doing was pulling away.

He reluctantly straightened and John chased it, pressing a second, light kiss to his jaw and then falling back to the flats of his feet, blushing crimson right the the tips of his ears.

"...um." The kid's voice was breathless, confused. "I...uh..."

"There." Wow, shit, no, his voice was just as breathless and soft, he cleared his throat and gained enough gruffness back to not sound like a complete kissing virgin. "No bad luck now. You...go to bed, okay?"

"Um. Okay." John let go, slowly, and Bro was suddenly acutely aware of the feeling of their limbs sliding apart and the cold that replaced the warmth of the embrace when John stepped back. "...good...goodnight, Bro."

"Goodnight."

The door slid shut and he looked up, tearing the plant down by the ribbon. He gave it a hateful glare before he stalked into his room, locking the door and slumping against it, letting the mistletoe drop to the floor and pulling out his phone.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 22:23pm --

TT: Roxy.  
TT: What the FUCK are you playing at you stupid fucking bitch.  
TG: somthin stupid  
TG: y  
TG: whatre u doing ther drik  
TT: THIS WASN'T FUNNY.  
TT: THIS WASN'T HELPING.  
TT: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.  
TG: dirk wat is rong  
TT: YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG.  
TT: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.  
TT: HE'S JUST A CUTE FUCKING KID AND I FEEL LIKE I TOOK ADVANTAGE BECAUSE OF YOU.  
TT: HE ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKES THE REAL ME AND YOU MIGHT HAVE FUCKED IT UP.  
TG: o u mean jon?  
TG: u seemed hapy enuf at dinner  
TT: BECAUSE HE MADE ME LAUGH.  
TT: BECAUSE YOU GOT MAD AT ME FOR DOING FUCK ALL AND HE ACTUALLY CHEERED ME UP.  
TT: BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT MY WELLBEING.  
TT: AND THIS IS HOW HE SEES ME RESPOND.  
TG: didnt haf to  
TT: HE GOT UPSET ROXY.  
TT: BECAUSE DAVE PUT SOME SHIT IN HIS HEAD.  
TT: OF COURSE IT WAS FUCKING DAVE!  
TT: I COULDN'T LEAVE HIM LIKE THAT.  
TG: an y is that  
TT: BECAUSE  
TT: I JUST  
TG: i fink  
TG: prsonally  
TG: it is bcuz he is cute  
TG: an he lyks u  
TG: an he makes u laff  
TG: an cheers u up  
TG: an cares bout u  
TG: an hes a good kid  
TG: an he maks u smile even wen i cant alwayas do tht  
TT: WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL OF THIS SHIT COMING FROM?  
TG: drik  
TG: bby  
TG: all o those thngs?  
TG: i was quootin u  
TT: But  
TT: That isn't  
TT: When I said that I didn't  
TT: Oh my God.  
TG: wat did mumma tell u  
TT: Holy shit.  
TT: I said all of  
TT: I hadn't even noticed I  
TT: Roxy  
TT: What am I even  
TT: I have  
TT: Fuck  
TG: ting  
TG: dat was the pennyn doppin  
TG: *drppng  
TG: *dropping  
TG: lol  
TT: I can't do this.  
TT: I just.  
TT: I can't.  
TT: Oh my God.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 22:45pm --

TG: o bby  
TG: watevs am i goin to do w/ u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roxy has to do all the work around here.
> 
> Now time for some fallout.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Oh come on, guys. Like it would be easy.~~


	13. ==> John: Pester Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well that was certainly a thing that just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to apologise for a late update but it's still the same day as the last one. More coming! There might be a Roxy chapter soon. Did I mention there will be other POVs? Oh.
> 
> ALSO if you are willing to comment and talk to me, pls read the end note my lovelies, I have a question for you uwu

He'd spent a long time imagining his first kiss.

Given he was practically a prince in a tower waiting for his shining heroine, it left a lot of time to fantasise about being swept off his feet, and who the girl might be, and where he might share it in, and how it would feel. He'd even asked the others if they'd ever been kissed and what it was like to support these daydreams, to which of course only Dave said yes, and proceeded to explain the experience with such a ridiculous metaphor John still didn't know what he was trying to say.

Dad kisses didn't count, that was for sure, even if stiffs pecks of affection on his cheek were rare. Mom kisses definitely didn't count, mostly because she had a habit of aiming for his mouth and ending up leaving lipstick all over his chin or nose.

But that.

_That._

That had probably just counted.

John stared up at the ceiling, having slid to the floor with his back against the door the moment it was shut. His heart was pounding like he'd been working out, he was only just managing to calm down his breathing, and he definitely couldn't stop replaying it in his head.

What he had expected just then was a kiss like Dad gave, a stiff sort of tap of the lips to skin, all brief and controlled and proper. What he had got was...

Well definitely not that!

It had been light, at first, but then there was enough pressure (had he leant forward?) he could feel the slight roughness of a healing split in Bro's lip, and his stud pressing into his chin and sending a cold frisson up from where it touched. The stubble around the older man's jaw had scraped a little as they both shifted without instruction to pull closer (or had that just been John's imagination? He wasn't even sure anymore) but in the moment it didn't tickle, or hurt, it felt...strange? He couldn't describe it. He just knew even trying to was making his stomach fill with fluttering and his heart pick up again.

So his first kiss had been in a mansion, in a dark corridor, beneath a pool of light and a sprig of mistletoe, with...

...with...

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 22:35pm

EB: rose   
EB: if i was to   
EB: theoretically   
EB: kiss   
EB: a guy   
EB: and i sort of   
EB: liked it   
EB: a little   
EB: does that mean anything   
EB: about me?   
TT: That you were lucky enough to share an enjoyable embrace?   
EB: that isn't what i meant!!   
TT: John, are you asking me if one kiss with a man would be enough to prove your orientation? Because the answer is no.   
EB: oh   
TT: It may suggest an interest in your own gender, certainly, but sexuality is a large and beautiful spectrum that can be unique to every person, and I certainly would base little to nothing on your first kiss.   
EB: oh   
TT: Why? Do you feel it means more than that? Do you want to talk about it?   
EB: it's all theoretical!!!!   
EB: i was just sitting thinking   
EB: and i wondered   
TT: Of course, John. Will you tell me who the 'wondering' was about? If it was your father, for example, there are other things completely to explain such fantasies.   
EB: oh my god rose i didn't kiss dad!!!   
EB: bluuuuuh!!!!!   
TT: You didn't kiss him? I thought you were only thinking about kissing him?   
EB: that's what i meant!!   
TT: Are you sure?   
TT: John if this is troubling you, you know you may talk to me in the utmost confidence. Anything said stays between us.   
EB: i really don't think i should   
TT: Was it Dave?   
EB: oh my god!!!!! no!!!!!   
EB: i would never kiss dave! not even if i was a girl!   
TT: Was it Jake?   
EB: no! i don't even know him!   
TT: So it was Bro. Interesting.

Oh shit this had been a terrible idea.

TT: John?   
EB: no!!! why would you say that??   
TT: Because there are only four other men in the house, and you had discounted all the others. Simple logic. Taking into account your hesitation before answering and your question to find out what gave it away, I will take that as confirmation, shall I?   
TT: I had a suspicion it would be, if you must know.   
EB: why??   
TT: Oh, things overheard. People raising voices and forgetting not everyone is as oblivious as the person they are shouting at.   
TT: That, coupled with the conversations in which Dave has provided me with evidence in an attempt to confirm his suspicions about your opinions of his brother.   
EB: fuck   
EB: what do i even do now? :(   
EB: it was under mistletoe so it doesn't mean anything, right?   
TT: I think you are asking the wrong question. What you should be asking, you can only answer yourself. So.   
TT: Do you think it meant anything, John?

He read the words a few times before he switched off his phone and put his head in his hands, not avoiding her question, not at all! Just not thinking about it. Not right now.

A thought flashed into his head as he got ready for bed, and he gave a nervous giggle, stomach jolting.

For once in his life Dave might have actually got something right, and it was the one time John would do anything to make sure he _never_ found out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rose is not mentioning age on purpose so as to not push John towards a particular answer. She's like that.
> 
> \---
> 
> So hi. You are all lovely and I wanted to share something and ask something!
> 
> The sharing is this: I started posting this story as a promise to a friend because I've always been heinously nervous about people reading my writing. I was expecting a little bit of feedback and to vanish into the shadows. What I have got is insane, to me, and I love each and every one of you. I am so confident about my writing now and I am sure I will be sharing much more of it with you in future :)
> 
> On that topic, the question is this: (Before you say: wouldn't impact updates and yes, I am utterly insane and/or possessed) I have a few backstory fics based on this world (Alphas at college/Dave meeting his friends/John meeting Jade are the first three to come to mind). Do you guys want me to upload those or are you all just here for the BroJohn?


	14. ==> Bro: Confide In Your Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, across the corridor, Bro needs to talk things through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, but here's Bro's reaction! I liked writing this because bless him. Bless his heart. He only wants what's best for John, you guys!

"Me and you, we gotta have a heart to heart, I'm in deep shit here. No one else I know who can help me think this mess through, not better than you." Bro rifled through the minibar his room was equipped with, because of course it was, because this was Roxy's house. He found a vaguely drinkable sounding beer and popped it open, taking a swig and looking back to his bed. "I need advice, bro."

Cal listened in understanding, propped up on the pillows with arms draped up over the headboard. He'd always been a great listener.

"I think, hell who am I kiddin', I _know_ I got some emotional shit goin' on for some guy I should _not_ be gunnin' for." He took in the silent questioning look and shrugged. "No, nothin' wrong with him, I guess. Just a small...age problem, that's all. A little younger than me, yeah. Uh, well. Maybe a lot?"

Cal didn't judge, Cal never judged, but he certainly looked a little worried.

"Fuck, if it weren't for Roxy I wouldn't be havin' this problem! I was fine. I was blissfully ignorant and that was cool, okay? I've always had a thing for guys like him. Like...friendly, and sort of optimistic? Innocent. Innocent is probably the word but fuck it makes me feel worse because I feel like maybe I sorta took some of that?"

The silence was urgent.

"No! Fuck, I didn't mean I slept with him! It was a kiss, okay, but dammit I know it was his first one and that sucks because he shoulda saved that for some sweet thing his age, not me. I didn't want to. Roxy's fault, Dave's fault, not mine."

Cal's eyes were disbelieving and a tiny pink tinge crept over Bro's cheeks.

"Okay, so...so maybe I coulda had some more self control. I still stopped before shit got heavy. Just a closed-mouth, one-off, stupid tradition kiss. That's all it was."

He looked away, shoving his free hand in his pocket as he paced awkwardly at the foot of the bed, Cal letting him think until he pulled his attention back with a noiseless call.

"...It's all it _can_ be, anyway. Fuck. Look, if he'd been around, face to face, I woulda stopped this. I woulda been able to keep it as friends and I woulda been fine! It's 'cause it was just text after the first stupid time. Just talking. It's easy to forget you're talking to kid, and I mean he's more mature than Roxy acts! Totally understandable slip up. Ain't my fault he's fuckin' cute enough I couldn't say no."

Cal wondered if he knew he sounded like he was crushing, badly.

"Shut up."

Cal hadn't said anything. He looked hurt.

"Oh hey, bro, no, I'm sorry. I just...right now I'm not in the mood for shit, okay? This isn't somethin' I can ignore. I mean...what if I get drunk an' I say something or do something? If Rox noticed what if other people do? This is a kid! That shit could get me in a fuckload a trouble, or worse if I _really_ fuck up."

The next question was more curious, and Bro snorted.

"Oh sure, if he was older, he'd be perfect. Fuck, man, if he was legal I'd be sweepin' him off his fuckin' feet! All that shit I said about him, the shit Roxy helpfully dumped all over me so I could drown in my own fuckin' idiocy, that's my perfect guy right there. It's sorta...it's a shame." He added, softly, eyes finding the abandoned mistletoe he still hadn't moved. "He's a good kid."

Cal understood. They shared a silent silence for a few minutes, then Bro grimaced and turned his attention back to his oldest friend's eyes.

"I have to get over this, somehow, before I fuck that up an' mess up another kid. I mean I'm pretty sure I've already fucked up Dave, in a lovin' brotherly way. I don't wanna actually, seriously mess up...him."

After a second, Cal made the obvious suggestion.

"Well yeah, I need to get laid, join the club, I think Rolal made fuckin' t-shirts. It's not like I can just go out and find a substitute that'll actually get rid of this hang up for him! He's...pretty much one of a kind. Ugh, there we go with the crushin' shit again, man, I gotta stop this. What I need is a fuckin' doppelganger, a fuckin' adult him so I can just get over this before I screw up an' do some messed up shit with a kid."

The lil man silently agreed, and posed the obvious question.

"I dunno who, man! I mean it's not like his Dad's an option, and he ain't got any older siblings or...cousins or...whatever..." 

Cal gave him a long look, and Bro stared back.

"...That...might just actually work, bro." He murmured, glancing down at the drink in his hand and letting the idea roll around his head awhile. "I knew you'd come up with something."

There was a chance of redemption here, if he played his cards right, because Cal was right. John might not have any cousins, but he knew someone who did and he knew he had to do something stupid if he wanted to get out of this emotional black hole alive.

Bro took a swig of his beer and drowned his concerns with it.

After all, there _was_ someone else who reminded him of John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait. Wait, is that a new relationship tag?
> 
> Oh no.


	15. ==> John: Gather Data

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John just needs proof!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Clichés lie ahead, like mistletoe wasn't bad enough.
> 
> I do not even care, I do what I want tumut

It meant nothing! Totally nothing! Just two bros avoiding bad luck and following Christmas tradition! Rose and her stupid mind games didn't change that. Nope. They were so stupid. Pfff.

"John, could you pass me the milk?"

So what if it felt good? All kisses probably did! All kisses probably made your heart want to explode and your breath catch and your head spin and your whole body warm. Yup. That was totally normal!

"John? Hello, Jade to John, is anybody home, over!"

And all people probably replayed kisses over and over until they started feeling hot and breathing faster and could practically feel it all all over again. Yup. Heh.

"John, I don't want dry cereal, and you have the stupid milk right there. Just pass it please!"

He just needed proof! If he had just a little more experience to compare, he could prove he was right and he'd be fine.

"John-!"

"Kiss me." He said abruptly back, and Jade stopped, mouth open, blinking at him.

"...what?"

"Uh. Would you. Like. Kiss me? So I know what it's like if a girl kisses you?"

"Yeah, 'cause he's got plenty of experience with boys." Dave drawled across the table.

John laughed nervously. "Whatever, Dave!" He said in a higher than normal voice, then turned to Jade and more urgently begged, "Please? Just one tiny little kiss, it's important!"

"Uh. John, are you feeling okay..?"

"I just need a kiss from a girl! That's all. For scientific reasons."

"Oh. Why didn't you say so?" He was just aware of Rose's voice before his head was pulled backwards and for the second time in his life lips were pressed to his, but these ones were soft and gentle and small. John closed his eyes and heard Dave choking on his cereal as Rose kissed him firmly, slim fingers under his chin and a few loose strands of her hair hanging down and brushing his cheek.

It felt nice! He was enjoying it.

But his heart was only a little fast, and he could breathe fine, and he felt surprised but...normal.

Oh no.

_Oh no._

"There. Hopefully that will give you the data you require?" She asked patiently as she stood and readjusted her hair. "I believe that was well within typical standards for an embrace."

"...yeah. Uh. Thanks?"

"Rose just kissed John." Dave said blankly to Jade, who snorted.

"No shit, Dave! John, you still haven't passed me the milk."

He finally did so in a daze, then groaned and lay his head on the table, Rose sliding into the seat beside Dave, opposite him, and ignoring Dave's quiet rambling freak out.

"Did your data not support your preferred hypothesis, John?" She asked casually, reaching over for the jug Jade had finished with. "Or is the experiment ongoing?"

"I don't even _know_."

"Well, I hope you settle on a more productive methodology soon, and I look forward to reading your published results. Dave, please pass the sugar."

"...you kissed _John._ " The Texan replied numbly.

John groaned into the table, wishing he could disappear and dreading the rest of his stupid day.

.:.

The empty bottle wobbled as it stopped on Dave, who rolled his actually visible eyes (his shades perched on Rose's head after he had to take them off for a dare).

"Truth or Dare?" Jade said excitedly, leaning forward.

"Truth, Harley."

"Uh, okay! How many girlfriends have you had?"

"One." Dave replied with a shrug. "Hookups? Many. But Rez has been the only girl to get more than one time getting the full Strider charms." He reached for the bottle and twirled it with flair, smirking when it stopped on Rose. "Huh, running outta shit to ask you, Rose. Let me guess, Truth?"

"As ever, Dave."

"Ever actually get off to tentacles?"

"On occasion." She replied as serenely as ever, but John felt his cheeks heat up at the casual confession. She'd been the one who suggested the game as a way to get to know each other even better, and at first it had been fine! All stupid questions and silly dares. Then suddenly Jade asked Dave about how much porn he owned and then it was swinging wildly between total innocence and finding out things he had _never ever wanted to know_ about his friends.

He'd escaped the worst of it so far, except a question from Jade about if he ever referred to his privates using hammer puns, his stammered denial made worse by Dave beginning to suggest a few until he shut him up with a question about whether he had ever won a strife against Bro and got a sheepish 'no' back. Since then only Rose had managed to land on him, and kept her questions tame but no doubt revealing, to her. It was kind of off putting when she started making notes during an answer!

Rose reached forward and daintily span the bottle, smiling when it came to rest on Dave. "Choose your poison, Strider."

"Truth, unless I get my fucking shades back."

"Not yet, not yet." She smiled a wicked smile, then took out her book and flipped leisurely through it (she had said before it was for inspiration) before closing it with a snap. "Ah, of course. How many boyfriends have you had?"

A moment of awkward silence passed, John's cheeks reddening again just at the tense atmosphere between them, briefly broken when Jade laughed. "Oh come on, Rose, Dave isn't-"

"Two."

What?

He looked at Dave so fast he felt whiplash, hearing Jade give one of her little shocked sounds as she rocked forward again. The coolkid's face was still calm, but John could see the slight, pale tenseness of his lips as his red eyes burned straight at Rose, his panic written through his gaze. The silence continued beyond what felt comfortable, and then Dave visibly frowned, shoulder slouching.

"One when I was eleven, one just before Rez, can we drop this shit and move on?"

"But Dave, I didn't even think-!" Jade began in confusion.

"Ain't your turn, Harley." He snapped back, spinning the bottle violently. "So no fucking questions until it is."

Dave didn't sound angry, he sounded worried, John thought. Scared even. He knew when he was forcing an emotion, and the sharpness was only to hide what was below. He still sounded upset though! John pitied whoever the bottle-

Oh. Of course. Godammit.

"Truth or Dare, Egbert."

Okay, Dave didn't want more questions so if John chose Dare he'd probably make it so ridiculous and embarrassing it distracted the girls from him. He could see the spark in Dave's eyes, daring him to pick it, to let Dave command him to do the worst things ever just so he got off the hook. The blonde had already done that to Jade once (dared her to explain to John what some weird furry term meant, which John _had not wanted to know_ ) after Rose asked him something about puppets. John wasn't going to be his fall guy this time!

"Truth!"

Dave's eyes lit up, and he gave the broadest, darkest smile John had ever seen him give, and realised as his stomach twisted Dave had just bluffed him fantastically, turning his knowledge of his expressions against him. His gambit bottomed out. He had such a bad feeling about this.

"Do you have a crush on Bro?"

No. Hell no. HELL FUCKING NO.

John's mouth flapped at him, desperate to lie through his teeth about possible _totally unproven_ sort of crushes that might exist. But the rules! His honour! They'd all sworn before the game to tell the whole truth! Dave had even admitted something John was certain he had hated having to tell them, so if he lied now, what a fantastic douchebag he would be!

"...maybe..? I mean." John's voice was quiet and low and he really, really hoped none of the grown ups were nearby, regretting agreeing to play this in the lounge. "I think so? I don't know!"

"Yes or no answer, Egbert." Dave replied coldly, and John flailed his hands out, then covered his face.

"Yes! Okay, yes, yes I do! Oh my God."

Dave snorted but offered no comment. John was crimson when he reached for the bottle, Jade's expression one of puppy-cute shock at everything and Rose smirking to herself as she scribbled notes.

The bottle settled on Rose. John frowned.

"Have you actually ever been in a relationship, as you're so down with questioning everyone else's?" He asked in a far more sharp voice than he intended. Rose regarded him warily over her book, but he heard Dave give an approving sound and hoped it had bought him back some favour, given his last answer probably plunged him into the negatives. She sighed, then put her book away as she apparently took the undercurrent as a hint, daintily resting her hands on one knee as she smiled wearily.

"For about a year now, John, yes, and if she did not live in France I would have loved to have been introducing you to her now." 

He let that sink in as Jade's expression shifted to her mind being blown. Dave shrugged slightly, frowning as the bottle once more landed on him. "Fuck. Truth."

"Dave-" He flinched, and Rose sighed. "-what is your favourite thing to take pictures of?"

The question was unexpectedly...nice, and Dave blinked before answering his friends, and unprompted starting to nervously ramble about why.

It was like they had all let out a breath they were holding. All the questions were innocent again after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just leave all this ambiguous (some of it is totally obvious) for now.
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> (Oh John you silly boy.)


	16. ==> Bro: Follow The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro needs a distaction, and he finds one in tight shorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jake is so hard to write, I don't even know. He's sort of like a mix of canon Jake and Jade's description of Hass in this? I guess. Help.

He found Jake in Roxy's firing range, down in her basement, after a late breakfast which no excuse could hide was to avoid being there when John was. It was a hunch that led him to wonder down into the gloomy corridor below the main lounge, but it was rewarded as soon as he found the doorway into the range.

Oh yes. Definitely rewarded.

Jake was sitting back at one of the work tables Roxy had for cleaning her harpoon guns, leaning back in the chair and holding a beretta up so he could look along its length with a critical eye. Muttering to himself about smudges, he seized up a rag and started polishing at the side of the gun, just above where silver metal met the brown leather grip. The concentration on his face was intense, teeth dragging over his bottom lip, eyes darting over the surface between each motion.

Why all of this required him to be in a t-shirt with arms so small they practically didn't exist and shorts that went above and beyond their name, Bro had no idea, but with every polishing brush his arm shifted back and forth, acquainting Bro very quickly with the various muscles that shifted in his tan bicep. The guy worked out, apparently, because _damn_. His arms and legs were bulked with muscle and covered with a manly amount of hair, and although the expression he was pulling was now one of utterly stupid focus, tongue held between his pronounced teeth, in the right light Bro guessed he'd be attractive up there, too.

Jake apparently got rid of whatever smear was annoying him, smiling and picking up the magazine from the table. He hopped up, swung around to head to the range, and then actually jumped back as he noticed Bro, automatically brandishing the unloaded weapon.

"Blimey! Where the devil did you come from? I didn't hear a single thing!" Jake laughed loudly as he calmed, a booming noise that shook his wide shoulders. "Can I help you, there, Bro?"

"Don't mind me. Just enjoying the gun show."

"It hasn't even started yet!"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure it has." Bro cocked his head. "Nice outfit."

"Must admit it's more for warmer climes, but I'm so used to it I have a feeling I'll be stomaching the cold a lot these next few weeks!" He patted his shirt approvingly with the hand holding the magazine, over a green skull printed against the black. "Don't see any point dressing to the nines just for mulling about, after all."

Bro shrugged, and the moment Jake turned and strode to one of the small booths his gaze dropped. He was completely happy with those shorts being worn more often, actually. Encouraged it, even.

Jake loaded the magazine and slapped it in firm, pulling a second gun from his hip and holding them both out straight, frowning thoughtfully. With care, he adjusted his grip until it seemed to please him, elbowing a button that pulled up a clean paper target with a silhouette upon it at the other end of the range.

"Lalonde tells me she put some thingamajig in here to deal with the noise! Only one way to find out!"

With a smile that seemed a little manic given the situation, he tensed and emptied the guns down the range as rapidly as they allowed, the loud shots seeming caught and deadened in the walls. Bro watched with a raised eyebrow, pretty sure you were meant to take slightly more care when shooting, but Jake certainly didn't seem to think so. As soon as he was done Jake had deposited the guns on the small bench in the booth and with a hand pressed flat to it was cheerfully leapfrogging the barrier and heading down to grab the target.

"Y'know you can move the target closer to check, right?" Bro called down after him, and got a dismissive hand wave and a raspberry blown at him in response. "Just saying."

"Because a few feet of sauntering is going to do me in? Poppycock, it's quicker just to go grab it anyway!" He tore out the paper and hopped back, grinning. "Hitting on all sixes, still have that magic touch."

Bro reluctantly conceded he was impressed when Jake held up the target with an unexpectedly precise cluster of shots through the centre of the silhouette, looking every bit like an excited kid holding up a pretty picture they'd made at school.

"Well aren't you a clever boy."

"Just one of my talents! Jane's always saying she's surprised I haven't killed myself yet, but then she'll never actually come have a look at how pat I have it down." He pulled it back to look it over himself, nodding approvingly. "She's just dally, but she can be a little nervous sometimes, bless her dear heart."

"She used to freak out if I so much as mentioned swords, you're lucky she hasn't confiscated your guns or something."

"Oh, she tried! But she only got my antiques. I don't think she knows I carry more modern weapons." Jake smiled broadly, pushing his slipping glasses back up his nose as his gaze returned to Bro. "I was thinking of perusing Lalonde's film collection. Fancy joining me?"

Well. That was perfect, right there.

"Nothing better to do." He replied casually, straightening from where he'd ended up leant against the doorframe. "Got a film in mind?"

"Not really! Rather a lover of any good flick. Maybe an action film, something with a decent bit of adventure!"

Bro nodded, waiting for Jake to drop the target on the table and grab his guns, then followed him as he bounced upstairs, listening to him talk rapidly about all the movies he hoped Roxy owned. Bro relaxed, allowing himself a relieved smile.

Maybe this whole thing was going be be easier than he'd thought after all.

.:.

"No, no, quieten down, this bit is the best part!"

"Jake, so far _every_ part has been the best part."

"Well I really mean it this time, Strider!" Jake elbowed his shoulder, still fixed intently on the screen. Bro snorted and elbowed back, but relented, relaxing against the couch.

The attack on Roxy's films had been swift, and Bro had barely had a chance to glance at a few titles before Jake bounded up with a case held aloft and an excited expression, announcing this was the film they _had_ to watch. They had taken up in front of her seventy inch, and as soon as it began Jake was lost, humming along to the music and practically squealing quietly the first time Harrison Ford appeared on screen.

It was familiar, the way he had become childish in his excitement. This was working.

"...Be ready for me." Jake murmured along, just loud enough for Bro to hear, and he glanced over to see the man's face rapt and his mouth in a slight smile. "I'm going after that truck." Oh God, he was going to do the whole scene. He could probably do the whole _film_ , given how he seemed to always know just what was about the happen. "How?" He changed voice slightly. This was the dorkiest thing Bro had witnessed him do so far, but it was _exactly_ what Bro needed. He was being cute and watching a stupid film with him and the reflection of the screen in his glasses was almost turning his eyes blue. Fuck it, time to be stupid.

"I don't know," Bro said before Jake could, instantly gaining his full attention. "I'm making this up as I go."

For a moment Jake just stared, then he laughed and jabbed him triumphantly in the ribs. "Ha! You do know it! I'll bet you're enjoying it really, cool guy."

"It's a classic, how am I not meant to know it?"

"It _is_ a classic, thank you very much! The dashing hero off on an adventure, ready to save the day! My Grandma was an archaeologist." He added, proudly.

"I doubt she was anything like Herr Jones." Bro observed slowly, and Jake laughed.

"Oh, I don't know! She wasn't allowed back into Russia after that one little incident with the skull." An expression of reminiscence slipped over his face, and he sighed. "She used to have such cracking stories. I always wanted to be like her - that's why I decided to go sailing! I've been around the world twice by now, you know. The sorts of things I've seen..."

"I guess having a magical demon dog makes it easier to keep supplied."

"Oh, magic isn't real, sap! Now pipe down, you're making me miss it!"

Bro fell silent but triumphant, feeling he was making progress. They got on, he was similar enough, he was old enough to just lay and have done with it. That was _totally_ exactly what he needed, no matter what doubts he was having to drown out.

Jake shifted to sit closer, and Bro paused and glanced across, before stretching his arms along the back of the couch in the most terrible cliché way he could. His companion paused, looked over his shoulder, and let out an honest-to-God _guffaw._

"Really?" Jake asked with a smirk, and Bro glared, shrugging and folding his arms again. "I was expecting at _least_ a terrible pick up line."

So not quite as oblivious as he looked then. That was...good? Right?

"I mean...heck, you're something keen, but I'm more a check sort of guy, anyway." Jake told him earnestly, because that made _total_ fucking sense, just like every other thing he said. The guy elbowed him lightly, smiling encouragingly. "Watch the movie, mate, come on! This bit's a cracker."

It wasn't like he had anything better to do, he mentally repeated, settling down. At least that hadn't been a no, he thought. Well...it hadn't sounded like a _total_ no? Who was he kidding, he had no idea what that was meant to mean, but he was just going to go ahead and assume it was a positive thing! That was something.

Now and then he gave Jake another sidelong glance, and if he weren't sure it was the movie playing on his face, he would swear his cheeks had coloured red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Roxy totally told Jake about Bro possibly hitting on him so he was watching out for it.
> 
> He's still oblivious as fuck.
> 
> Oh right, **check** means he'll take his kisses later ( **cash** would be now).
> 
> (Raiders of the Lost Ark, before anyone asks, because at least one person will probably be wondering)


	17. ==> Roxy: Reminisce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was always the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is sort of background I ~~might~~ will call on later on and Roxy being grown up and things.
> 
> It's short but I just wanted to get out some of what's inside Roxy's head, beneath that bubbly drunken smile.

She fulfilled one promise without questions on a hunch.

She fulfilled another with a little cunning so he could experience it too.

She reread his messages and sighed and redid the room plan to put new people together.

She tottered precariously on a step ladder and tied mistletoe with a ribbon like a signature.

She tried to tell him and forgave him when he didn't understand.

She was there to hear the penny drop when he finally did.

She gave a second option a nudge in the right direction.

She collapsed into a chair and wished she just didn't give a fuck.

Men were hard to cope with.

Dirk Strider was just the _worst._

Roxy had always had a thing for happy endings. When she was little her mother had dressed her up as a princess and told her fairy tales, promised her someday she'd find her perfect guy and that she'd get her happy ever after. That dream stuck. It stuck after her parents divorced and she lost both of them to drink and bitterness. It stuck when she found the bottle herself and hid a lot of her feelings away. It stuck after she left home forever and ended up all alone in a strange, unwelcoming place.

She still remembered meeting Dirk, drunkenly crying on the steps of their college because she'd been kicked out of her accommodation for some stupid reason she couldn't even recall. People had just been passing her by, ignoring her, like everyone always did, and then all of a sudden there was a hand on her shoulder and this guy from her classes she'd never even heard talk before was mumbling if she was okay, hugging his books to his chest over his stupid knitted waistcoat. He took her for a coffee so she could warm up, and they spoke, two broken pieces of the world instantly fitting together. He didn't hesitate to offer her a bed when he went to head home. She didn't hesitate to accept.

For a long time, she'd thought her happy ending might be with him.

But no, life was never that simple, so as Dirk hit the crisis of realising he was gay she descended into a long line of pointless romances with boys who always left, in the end. Jane had been another accidental friend, both bonding over complaints over the same stupid ex, and between her constant visits and Dirk's general companionship things were bearable, through college, in the end.

He'd promised to be her final prom date when they graduated, if they hadn't found anyone else. The night was great, Jane and the cute girl she totally wasn't there on a date with were loads of fun, and they were free at last, to go and run off into the world, to tear it all to pieces in their wake.

She was moving north to go to university, but she promised to visit over and over, a promise she knew she'd never kept. Dirk was staying in the city because it was the only place he'd ever felt happy to actually call home. Jane was moving back in with her Dad, because she had a company to run, now she was of age.

That night her and Dirk did a very stupid thing.

She always lied she'd met someone else, after she left, just long enough it was believable. He didn't need or want the truth. Pretty soon there was a little girl to take up all her time and to tell her own fairy tales to, but where Roxy had adored them Rose simply grew to resent them. So Roxy drank. Let the girl drift away. Began all the mind games that had spiralled out of control.

She was too old for a happy ending, she worried sometimes.

All of a sudden, out of the blue, when she was at her worst and had fucked up so bad she was looking at a civil suit or worse, she got an email from Yours Concerned and with every little exchange of messages it was less and less about what she'd done and more and more about who she was.

At thirty, Roxy fell in love for the second time, with a widowed father who was kind and funny and handsome and perfect. This time she was sure she was going to avoid drama! They clicked perfectly. It was great! Roxy Lalonde believed in happy endings once again, and she was over the moon to have finally found hers.

But then... _Dirk._

Her pink gaze rested on where the kids were sprawled across the floor, a game of spin the bottle apparently having descended into John and Dave coming up with the stupidest insults they could for one another as Rose listened with a silent smile and Island Girl giggled and punctuated the conversation with loud slaps of her knees at the funniest suggestions. She missed being young, and just being able to waste all her time away with her friends, and all the stupid things that seemed so important then.

Being an adult was hard. It was hard and nobody understood.

Not that she made her own life any easier! She believed again, but the problem with that was Roxy had always wanted those endings for _everyone._ When Rose met that sweet Maryam girl online, Roxy bought her the best webcam she could, and decided holidays to France were going to become a yearly thing. Rose had hugged her for the first time in about ten years when she showed her the tickets. When Jane had said about her cousin missing company, she invited him for Christmas, and when Dirk spoke about John, well that was everyone coming! And everyone was so happy, together. Her little newly christened family surrounded her with laughter and smiles, and she was even drinking less, desperate to remember all of this as vividly as she could.

Her most recent stupid play at being a fairy godmother had left Dad thoughtfully puffing away at his pipe outside, murmuring to himself about children needing care and how much effort it would take to move around his spare room and fit a bed in there. Once more, Roxy only hoped she'd done the right thing.

She sighed, picked up her glass and sipped slowly at it, gaze drifting from the kids off into the void of her own mind. A good old friend once told her sometimes all people took was some gentle nudges in the right direction, and their own hearts would lead them the rest of the way. She hoped she was right this time, because she'd pushed people too hard in the past and knew how bad things could go when she did.

And _yeeeeah,_ trying to hook up her best friend with a fourteen year old? That one was new. She really doubted Callie had had that in mind when she offered that advice.

Roxy cared about happy endings. She just wished she wasn't the only one who didn't let the rest of the story get messed up and in the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They did always get along so well, didn't they?


	18. ==> John: Hang Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids share their second dinner. Things happen. Oh no!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm ready to officially announce I am not human, but I am assured it is in "the best possible way". Just enjoy the updates, guys, I'll be over here creating them with my voodoo magicks.
> 
> Things I learnt today - I have no idea how the American education system works! Temptation to ret con and make everyone British...jk

Dinner had been a sort of buffet instead tonight, to avoid _more silly table shenanigans_ according to Mom. John didn't mind. It meant he could sit with the others and keep talking and laughing with them, and stealing Dave's food whenever he looked the other way.

Outside the confines of Truth or Dare, their sharing had grown more relaxed, and after John and Jade both gushed a little about having company, Jade asked about Rose's girlfriend, and she smiled warmly back.

"Her name in Kanaya. She is a little older than us, about two years or so, and the most intelligent and empathetic person I have ever known. We met online when one of her friends insulted me and she came in to defuse the situation - I sensed a kindred spirit, as did she, so we became friends, and then last year she began to suggest we could take things into more romantic territory, something I had wanted myself and was rather overjoyed with. I would have introduced her to our group sooner, but I have been rather nervous, really." She blushed and gave a small laugh. "I will wait until I have met her to do that, I think. Mother has purchased me tickets to visit this January in a rare show of actual care."

"Wow! You're going to get to go to France?" Jade beamed. "Grandpa went there a few times, he said its a wonderful place."

"I look forward to seeing it, and more than anything I cherish the thought of seeing her. Perhaps next year she will be able to join us, at Christmas." Rose blushed happily at the thought, then quickly looked up to Dave. "What about your dearest, Strider? Will we ever actually be allowed contact with her, considering how long it took you to allow us contact with your own kin?"

"I'd like to point out my concerns were totally vindicated." Dave drawled back, jabbing a thumb at John, who blushed furiously and blurted out a nervous giggle. "But idiots and their dumbass crushes aside, sure, whatever, Rez is pretty cool with anyone. She moved down from NY and was meant to be meeting up with her friend...my, uh. My ex." His confidence dropped a little, but when Jade opened her mouth to continue lecturing him on how whatever he liked didn't matter, they were all still his friends and he was stupid for acting ashamed, he rapidly continued in a calmer voice, "Tav had some shit happen with his new guy so he asked me to go pick her up 'cause I was the only one he trusted enough with her. She's great, really, all sortsa fun and shit. It was love at first lick."

Jade wrinkled her nose. "Uh-"

"I meant what I said, Harley. Trust me. She's amazing but she's also batshit insane." Dave shrugged. "Even Bro thought she was weird, and I mean, when he thinks that, Christ you gotta be pretty fucked up."

"Have you let him meet her yet?" John jabbed him in the ribs and the coolkid scowled. "Dave, you're being stupid!"

"I'm protecting my interests. Besides, you're biased as fuck, of course you think he'll be fine."

"I don't get something." Jade announced after watching them elbow each other for a while. "How did you get a crush on Bro if you'd never met him before?"

"Because Dave was an asshole-"

"-hey _one time_ I went out and I come back and you and him are best bros forever, what the fuck?"

"Bro's great!"

"Bro's messed up."

"You didn't even know his age, Dave."

"He always says he's timeless, like a fine wine, all Striders are."

"Pfff, whatever, I bet you don't even know what he's called!"

It was a joke, but Dave's mouth opened, then shut again, and his brow furrowed behind his reclaimed shades. Jade tried not to giggle, but John was more concerned with Rose, whose eyes had suddenly lit up like she had realised something important.

"Uh. I always sorta." Dave coughed. "His name isn't Bro?"

"Oh my God, _Dave!_ That's terrible!"

"Hey, if he didn't tell me, it can't be that major to him or whatever, everyone else calls him Bro!"

"Just because he doesn't like his name doesn't mean he doesn't have it!"

"Alright then, dumbass, what the fuck _is_ it?"

"Nope. That is something told in confidence to me and Clarence, I'm not gonna spill, dude."

"Oh really." With no more warning Dave had tackled him to the ground, and as he started tickling him John squeaked and laughed, trying to shove him off and kicking wildly. "We have ways of making you fucking talk!"

"DAVE! DAVE OH MY GOD! DAVE YOU DICK!"

"Tell me you little douche, come on, I could do this shit all day!"

"DAVE YOU FUCKING-!"

"John." His voice broke off sharply as the stern figure of his father loomed above them, and Dave scrambled off him as John sat up and gave a weak laugh. "No more of that language in Miss Lalonde's house. Just because Mister Strider thinks it is appropriate for a boy to talk that way doesn't mean you have to."

"Um. Yes, Dad. Sorry. It won't happen again!"

"I'm proud you can admit your mistakes, son."

"Did you...want something?"

"As a matter of fact, I did. Miss Lalonde brought something to my attention..." John had a brief moment of panic but it turned to confusion as soon as he added, "I was wondering if I could speak to you, Miss Harley?"

"Um. Sure, John's Dad!" Jade stood and gave John a questioning look that he shrugged blankly back at. "What about?"

"I'll explain in a moment - oh, and call me Dad, please. Everyone else does."

She followed him away and John watched them go suspiciously, past when Mom was sitting. She raised a glass to him as his eyes paused on her, giving another devilish smile. What had she done now? Last time she'd convinced his Dad to completely change his rules! The idea she'd said something else worried him, a lot, because he had no idea what it would be.

Dave laughing loudly beside him derailed his train of thought.

"Holy shit, Dadbert had you _whipped._ "

"Shut up, Dave!" John grumbled, shoving him hard and frowning. Jade. What did Dad want with Jade?

"I'll shut up when it stops being funny. Hey...look out, John, you'll lose your chance, dude." Dave nudged him, and John actually turned this time, Dave's tone changing to a less joking one. He sort of wished he hadn't, as the bottom dropped out of his stomach.

Bro was just at the end of the corridor their rooms were on, hand flat against the wall, and attached to his lips (the lips that had kissed him and it was back in his head, fuck) was the other guy with the dark hair, the older one, no mistletoe in sight and no falter at all from either side. John stared and felt a weird, violent rush of shock and anger and embarrassment and upset, but he tried to stamp it all down because he'd spent all day telling himself their kiss hadn't meant anything, and there was proof! There was exactly what he'd thought he wanted.

Once again, he was no longer sure it was what he'd really wanted at all.

The adults broke apart and Bro almost smiled, before snorting, his companion punching his shoulder and then heading upstairs.

"That was the worst line I've ever heard, English." He called up after him, and John now had a name to put to his new least favourite face. "I mean, wow."

"It was a classic, I think you'll find! I'd like to see you do better! Heh. Goodnight, Strider."

"Night."

They both disappeared in the relevant directions, and John blinked several times, because his stupid eyes stung, and his fists were sort of shaking, and when he looked back around Rose was giving him a sympathetic frown that made him feel even worse, because she _knew_ and it felt like she knew more about his own feelings than he did!

"I...think I'm going to go to bed." He said with forced cheerfulness, standing unsteadily and shoving his trembling hands into his pockets.

"But dude it's only-"

"Dave, leave him be." Rose advised firmly, then nodded to John. "If you want to talk-"

"I know."

He turned and jogged off, breaking into a sprint when he was out of sight, desperate to catch his quarry before he vanished into his room.

Bro was practically in, but he hesitated when John called his name and that was enough. The boy stopped in front of him and panted, then stared up and struggled with what to do next. His face was impassive, and suddenly John _really_ hated those shades.

"Did it mean anything?" He blurted finally, the first sensible thing that came to his head, and Bro's mouth tensed in a frown. "Last night, did it-"

"No. Come on, kid, it was under mistletoe."

The answer he had wanted felt like a slap to the face, and John shuddered with what felt horribly like a swallowed sob. Why was he this upset? What was wrong with him!

His thoughts were a mess, and suddenly one returned to him from breakfast, clear above the rest.

He needed more data.

Bro jerked slightly as John hopped up and grabbed his neck and dragged him down, crushing his lips up against the familiar roughness and feeling his heart drum loud in his ears with every passing moment. He tilted his head into it, purposefully, and felt a little bud of hope build as seconds passed and Bro just gently put his hands on his shoulder, not kissing back, but not pulling away, either.

John was the one who stepped back and gulped.

"There. No mistletoe." His voice shook with things he wasn't sure he understood, but he was pleading, hands sliding to hold Bro's arms, reluctant to fully let go. "Did _that_ mean anything?"

Bro flicked his tongue over his lips, straightening up to his full height and slowly, almost hesitantly, pulling his hands back.

"N-No." He replied, unsteadily, stepping back and shutting the door in John's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE ENDING OF THIS CHAPTER HURT ME INSIDE.
> 
> GUYS IT GETS BETTER.
> 
> NNNNNN.
> 
> ;;-;;


	19. ==> Bro: Ascend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro needs a way to relieve the tension, and fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ninja!Bro in the house everybody!
> 
> Also you people, I love you too much. I mean. You know I update so often because whenever I do you're all so great about it I just want to write more? <3

For the second time, Bro found himself panting and pressed to his door after kissing a kid he really, _really_ didn't trust himself near right now.

Fuck, no, that hadn't been _him_ this time! That was all John. All the innocent fourteen year old who apparently was reading way more into one kiss that he should do!

Two kisses.

_Fuck._

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 21:25pm --

TT: Roxy.   
TT: Jake's room.   
TT: Where is it.   
TG: o he is jakey now hm   
TT: Shut up and answer the question, this is important.   
TG: le sighsh   
TG: tow floors abov u bby   
TG: door w/ a reef on   
TT: Two floors directly above me?   
TG: yh   
TG: y?   
TG: drik?   
TG: ...   
TG: dick   
TG: DIRK   
TG: omfg   
TG: uv gon out the window havnt u   
TG: ffs   
TG: now i remmber y i hated livin w/ u

The outside of Roxy's house was rough enough to provide friction, when he rubbed his hand down it, so that was a start. Windows quite deeply recessed, slight sills and only small gaps between them. Perfect. With a deep breath Bro pressed his back to one side of the hole his window was in, hands back against it, then picked one leg up and pressed his foot to the opposite side, tensing taught and lifting the other to join it.

He didn't drop. That was a start.

With careful movements he shifted his body upwards, shirt riding up each time he settled in place until he could feel the rough white stucco scraping at his back. He would probably regret this later, but right now he just needed some fucking _release_ that didn't involve something - some _one_ \- illegal. Slower than he liked he felt his head brush the top of the recession, and looked up to the sill of the room above him, taking a deep breath and reaching his closest hand out to pat up to it and take firm hold.

This. This was so stupid.

With another quick breath he gripped tightly and shoved off the border of wall above his window, swinging for a second out on the one arm still holding on and quickly scrabbling up with his other hand and half hoisting, half swinging with the ongoing momentum, up into the recession above.

He slump against the wall and panted, glancing in and seeing a room most certainly belonging to Roxy and Dad, by the copious amount of both drinks and pipe tobacco littering the place. Identified by their vices, he was glad neither was present as he shook himself out and then began easing upwards again, repeating the motions a second time.

He landed on the second floor with a heavier thud and swore quietly, rubbing his knees as he stood unsteadily and moved in a little to the window. Jake was sitting at a desk, wearing the most ridiculous helmet he'd ever seen, like part of a green skull with eyes flashing wildly into the mirror. When he tapped on the glass it went unnoticed, and Bro sighed, crouching and examining the small keyhole to the locked frame.

He sighed and fumbled in his pocket until he found a piece of sturdy wiring suitable (probably from his ongoing project that he was starting to feel like he would never finish) and then set about the lock with a grumble about stupid English and his stupid hat thing.

A minute later he was locking it again behind him, strolling up behind Jake and leaning on the desk with his mouth down by where the helmet covered his ear.

"Jake-"

"JUMPING FRIGGING JEHOSHAPHAT!"

The chair topple backwards as he leapt and Bro caught it smoothly, setting it to one side and looking back at the pistol now pointed at his face as Jake fumbled to get the helmet off with his other hand. Wide green eyes fixed on him, and then rolled overdramatically as the pistol was dropped carelessly on the desk. "Strider! Bloody hell, are you _always_ going to try and do me in when you show up? Wait...wait, how did you even do that! My door's locked, so's my windows!"

"Like that would stop me." And not a fucking trap door in sight. He was quite proud. "Jake, we should make out."

"What, right now?"

"No, I broke into your room to tell you we should play tonsil hockey tomorrow-"

"Oh! Well-!"

" _Of course right now you fucking idiot._ "

"Can I ask what brought this on, then, chap?"

"It would be...much, _much_ better if you don't."

For a moment, he thought Jake would argue, the green darting back and forth over his dark glasses for some sign of the emotions beyond them. Then his shoulders slouched, and he spread his hands in defeat, shrugging.

"You're lucky it's been long enough for me I'm game, you know. You already got your kiss on the first date."

"Was that a date?"

"Wasn't it?"

He decided to seize the moment and just fucking kiss him, because questions like that were exactly what he was here to desperately avoid.

.:.

He woke up the morning after back in his room with no real memory of getting there, with a note in green ink on his bedside table saying I think i'd be up for more later if you are. Just try and get my name right next time?

He didn't have to ask to know what he'd said. Bro groaned and buried his head in his pillow, and contemplated never leaving the room ever, ever again. 

.:.

He finally forced himself out around lunchtime, appearing into a room which was surprisingly devoid of the small crowd he'd already grown used to. Maybe they'd gone out while he was hiding? No, not hiding... _recovering._ Yeah. Probably.

It was probably better this way. The last thing he wanted was anything else to deal with right now, given he was already-

Dave flashed in front of him with a flicker and a sword, and Bro couldn't contain the groan.

"For fuck's sake, Dave-"

"Shut up." His brother snapped back, sounding angry enough it actually silenced him. "Roof. Ten fucking minutes. Bring a sword you stupid dick."

"What the fuck did I do?" Bro replied indignantly as Dave turned to go, and saw his shoulders stiffen. He gave a one word answer, then sprinted off to start climbing as Bro stayed in place and fought the urge to throw up.

Of course. Of fucking course, of all the things Dave could have said.

The one thing that left him actually _nervous_ when he went to start his own ascension.

The only thing he didn't want to hear.

" _John._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY JUST KISSED GUYS SHEESH.
> 
> Bro just fell asleep and Jake was his big manly hero and carried him downstairs.
> 
> Rewind to what happened with John next.


	20. ==> John: Look Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He probably should have checked the corridor was empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, Bettername sneezed again.
> 
> See what happened?

John wanted to cry. He really, really, wanted to cry.

There was pain in his nose, and at the corners of his eyes, and the next breath he took was soft and ragged and met a lump in his throat. Okay! So apparently he had no actual clue what he wanted until he got told no. Great! Now he could just curl up in bed and pull his bunny out of his suitcase and tell it, you know what, the whole Strider _family_ could be dicks sometimes!

He turned and a soft noise caught his attention and made him look up.

Oh no.

_Oh no._

He didn't need to see past the shades to know Dave was staring at him and he didn't want to focus long enough to pick out his expression, other than the fact his lips were white with how hard they were pressing together. Had he followed him straight away? Had he heard all of that? Oh God, John started shaking and when he opened his mouth to try and explain all that came out was a sob.

"...I'm s-s-sorry!" He managed to force out, before it was flooding out in hot streams down his face and his eyes had blurred everything into a colourful mess, hands clenching tightly at his sides so hard they trembled.

He felt Dave move closer with the waft of air he had rapidly grown accustomed to as he grew used to the Striders flashstepping, and he braced, half expecting a fist or shouting or just something terrible because Dave would be so mad, Dave had already been so unhappy, and that was before he knew-

Lanky arms wrapped around him and his head was pressed to Dave's bony shoulder, a soft mumble for him to shut up and stop crying like a girl lost in his hair as he was tugged in close. John hugged back tightly and cried into his stupid hipster shirt, not expecting the contact but realising how utterly desperately he needed something that didn't feel like a punch to the gut.

"C'mon, dude." Dave soothed quietly. "Where's your room?" With a sniffle John pointed, and Dave grimaced. "...right. _'Course_ it is."

"I'm sorry." John repeated weakly, as Dave's arm around his shoulder tugged him into his room and he was sat on the bed, numbly watching his best friend shut the door and lean against it.

"...stop...saying that, okay? I'm not angry at you. I'm...I dunno, I guess I'm fucking pissed off, yeah, but not at you."

"Dave he didn't force me or anything-"

"Yeah, I know, I...saw." Dave groaned, turning to look him over and _taking off his shades._ On purpose. Without being forced. Just for a minute, John's twisting stomach stilled in shock. Who was this and what had they done with Dave? "So. You wanna tell what the fuck is going down there, man, 'cause I'm kinda lost and I _really_ don't like being lost."

John swallowed, took a long, raspy breath to try and calm down, and mumbled out _everything_ , all about the crossed fingers and the talking all the time, and the feelings he hadn't understood and then meeting him and suddenly feeling everything and starting to want more and then the mistletoe and what Rose had said and worrying all day and...then...

"You saw the rest." He muttered miserably, at where Dave had now sprawled back on his bed beside him. "He made out with that stupid douchebag and then I was an idiot and thought some grown up guy might actually like me back and it all sort of...I feel horrible, Dave, oh my God. I've never felt this bad, ever, not about anything."

"I warned you about Bro, dude. I told you dog."

"Ugh. I just...he's nice, Dave! He's great."

"He's also forty."

"Thirty two."

"Not the point."

John fell silent, because he _knew_ that, he just didn't want to think about it! The idea he might not be _quite_ as sure of his sexuality as he had thought was terrible enough! He was trying _not_ to add in any of the other many, many problems with having his first crush on his best friend who lived in Texas' thirty two year old brother who didn't like him back.

Oh wait! There were all the problems in one sentence! _Oh God he felt the worst._

"...so you... _are_ into guys."

He blinked at Dave, who was fidgeting with his shades, cheeks pink and eyes resolutely not on John. "...I...I still don't know? Maybe? P-Probably. I mean...I don't know for sure, I don't think. Not yet." John swallowed, then his eyes lit up a little. "I mean! You like guys, right? How did you find out for sure?"

Dave stiffened, looking like he was going to put his shades on, then sighed and just put them down on his stomach and folded his arms. "Okay, looking back, when I actually realised? I guess...I was ten. I was lucky, I sort of just realised straight away how things were for me. There was this guy I liked. He got me and I got him and I realised I was more into him than I'd ever been into a girl, and Bro had never taught me the whole boys and girls should be together shit so I just crushed badly until I realised he would probably never like me back. Then I got to school and I sort of dated a guy and got over it, started moving on. I wasn't one hundred percent sure until Tav, because I mean, before then dating was like just holding hands and stuff? But I know for fucking sure now, and I know I still like girls 'cause I've never been as attracted to anyone like I'm pulled to Rez, she's a massive Strider magnet, I swear to-"

"Dave! Stay on topic." John laughed softly, then sucked his mouth to one side and thought for a moment. "Wait, you were ten? I thought I was the only guy you knew then!"

Dave stared at him.

"...oh."

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"I got over it, man, I'm not about to try and seduce you or shit - though I totally could if I wanted to, look at me, man, I am hot as _fuck._ " Dave rolled to lie suggestively with his head up in one hand. "Draw me like one of your French girls, Egbert. I'll get naked and everything."

"Pfff, Dave. Stop." John nudged him, then laughed a little more nervously. "I just...wow. I'm kind of honoured I was your first crush! That's kind of cool, and I also feel like an absolutely massive dick for not noticing? And for all of the times I told you I wasn't gay. Oh my God, Dave. I was such a stupid ass to you!"

"Yup. You totally were. You're lucky you're too aderpable for me to stay mad at you, bro."

"...Aderpable."

"It's a thing." Dave assured him, sitting up and stretching. "But back to the whole, you and fuckup over there thing? I'm sorry he's a dick 'cause he'll never apologise for it, and I'm sorry you got your hopes up. Find someone else, dude, move on. That's what I did."

"...I guess. I...thanks, Dave. I was kind of expecting you to lose it about all of this?"

"Well, _yeah?_ Tomorrow shit and the handle are going to have such a messy divorce the kids end up in care and one of them has to leave the country, dude. I'm going to put that dumb fuck to rights, or at least give it a fucking good try before he wipes the floor with me."

"He didn't do anything!" John whined, and Dave snorted, shaking his head. "I sort of forced _him_ both times, Dave, and he's only been nice to me, I swear, he didn't do anything wrong!"

"John, of _course_ he fucking did, dumbass."

"Well what did he do that's so bad you're willing to go and have your ass handed to you _yet again_ because of it?"

Dave gave him a disbelieving look, like the answer was the most obvious thing in world. "...seriously? John, _he made my best friend cry."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I have to take out the #Dave Is A Dick now. Awwww. I kind of liked it there?
> 
> And Bro is now 32 because it's after December and he had his birthday, so yeah, that's right right there.


	21. ==> Dave: Make Him Pay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's crossed the line this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I had to do this from Dave's point of view.
> 
> I feel bad for being harsh on him early on, so here's some screen time for the poor guy.
> 
> (Guys I can't write strifes why did I think this was a good idea I'm so sorry)

Dave reached the roof of the observatory with a few minutes to spare, so determined not to dwell he scoped out what there actually was up there. A walkway ringed the domed roof, a sloping ladder leading up to a smaller, round platform around a series of antennas stretching up into the night. Out of one side rose the telescope, large and broad enough to stand on, and Rose had assured him in was strong enough to take his weight briefly when he messaged her about his plan and convinced her to get Mom to take everyone out down the garden to sled, even though she expressed her dissapproval.

TG: rose its just how we do things ok  
TG: i dont fucking bitch about your weird psychoanalysing shit with mom  
TG: dont try and make a fucking show about how i deal with bro  
TG: i need to get this out of my system somehow   
TG: im really fucking pissed with him  
TG: you have no fucking idea  
TT: Would you be so set upon his suffering if the person in question here was not John?  
TG: of course i fucking wouldnt  
TG: but he decided to mess with the one guy i actually give a real fuck about  
TG: id do anything for john you know that  
TT: You know you are probably going to be utterly destroyed.  
TG: yeah  
TG: but i need to do this  
TG: stand up to him  
TG: cause im the only one who ever will

She reluctantly conceded, and shortly after assured him they would all be gone. No excuses for Bro to hide behind, no one around to dart off to and use as a shield. Just them, alone, with an argument to settle and a fight to answer it, just how it always had been.

"Dave."

He turned and levelled the sword at his brother, who frowned and gently unsheathed his own with a rasping hiss. Slowly, purposefully, Dave took off his shades and slipped them into his sylladex, staring Bro down and daring him to follow suit. The elder Strider's jaw set, and then he reluctantly did so, uncovering his amber eyes and warily watching Dave pace side to side across the constricted walkway, on guard and ready for the first strike.

"Loser gives up their shades for the rest of the trip." Dave announced abruptly, and Bro nodded almost instantly, starting to crack his neck and roll his shoulders like he always did to warm up if given time. Unmasked, their stares and the air between them grew intense, and then Dave had darted forward into a low blow Bro easily parried and pushed back from, a warning shot never intended to hit.

"We really gonna do this?" Bro asked quietly. In response Dave charged him again, thrusting forward, each hit sent glancing off to the side by quick blocks and forcing Bro back further and further. He wasn't striking back. _He wasn't trying._ The realisation frustrated Dave and he clenched his teeth, putting all his strength into a downwards slice.

Bro flickered from view and then a foot was slammed into Dave's back and sent him crashing forwards into the railings, sword dangerously close to slipping from his grasp. He pulled it back and rolled in time to see the other blade slice into the metal where he had been, panting and stumbling up to a flurry of quick, disorientating jabs that he only just managed to match. _Better._ Dave darted back and then with a slight run up he used the railings to pull himself up and kicked off the dome, rolling in flight to land smoothly behind Bro and cracking him in the small of the back with the hilt of his weapon before he could turn around. His brother stumbled and Dave quickly kicked for his legs, but Bro jumped over the kick and landed facing him again as Dave scrambled up, the two both barely out of breath and watching the other for tells.

"You fucked up." It was a risk, but Dave spat it anyway, pacing carefully out of reach of the blade. "He actually gives a fuck about you, and you screwed it up, didn't you?"

"It isn't like that." Bro responded firmly, but without shades to hide behind Dave could see the flash of panic. _He had him._

"Oh, it isn't? Well I didn't see you fucking comforting him last night, I saw you shutting the door in his face."

"You...saw." His voice wavered but he pulled it back, of course he pulled it back. Dave bared his teeth.

"I saw you being a massive selfish dick and breaking my best friend's heart, yeah."

Bro's eyes flashed and Dave saw him tense to the left, swiftly jumping to the other side and swinging on the rails again to avoid the charge. Bro thudded into the fence behind him and span with a glare and a scowl.

He was getting angry. _He was getting sloppy._

"What's the matter, asshole? Totally happy with just shoving him to one side for a finer ass-"

Bro flashed again, but Dave felt him behind him and dodged the fist that swept through where his head had been. He fell to a crouch and sprung his legs back, catching Bro's and sending him off balance long enough to dive away and move around to the other side of the dome, knowing it only bought him a second or two.

"-but you can't face the fact you made him cry?"

Bro's angry footfalls stopped and Dave didn't think, he leapt up and just caught the ladder, using it drag himself rapidly over the dome and swinging across to dive at Bro's stiff back. His brother heard the creak of the metal and turned but Dave's momentum still hit him full in the chest, forcing him to the ground. They struggled violently, free hands both clutching at sword-bearing wrists, until Bro managed to pick up enough force to spin them and force Dave to the ground beneath him, face twisted in actual anger for the first time Dave could remember.

"You think I _wanted_ to fuck this up? It might fucking shock you but I actually _give a fuck_ about that kid so _shut up_!"

"Holy shit." Dave stared, then regained awareness of his situation and folded his legs in, kicking Bro hard in the tense abdomen and sending him back enough to get back to his feet. "You're actually hot for him, aren't you? _Holy shit._ "

"Shut the fuck up you little smug prick!"

Bro grabbed the rails and pulled up onto them, diving for the ladder and cracking Dave's face with one boot as he leapt. Dave staggered and tried to blink away the ringing in his ears as he heard Bro drop again, but a hand had grabbed his hair and slammed his face into the rails before he could manage it. Desperately, he flailed with his fist, and to his shock Bro must've been so focused on holding him down it actually impacted his jaw, his brother letting go and swearing as Dave unsteadily leant back on the bar and stared at the sliding double image of the larger man. He'd dropped his sword, he noticed through the buzzing mess in his head. That gave him a really stupid idea.

"You know what? He's better off without you." He slurred, and Bro fixed on him with an angry snarl. "You've already fucked him up enough."

Bro lunged.

Dave sidestepped and grabbed his stupid spiked hair, smashing him into the metal and then wrenching his head back to place his sword blade over his throat. Bro locked up, hands clenching and releasing as he realised his sword was no longer in them, Dave's body pressing him forward against the railings as soon as he tried to use his legs.

The younger Strider hocked a wad of bloody spit past him, panting and waiting for his head to stop spinning as Bro let out a frustrated growl.

"Give, you stupid fuck." Dave said coldly, too dazed to even really realise what was happening. Bro shuddered, then raised his empty palms and slumped as Dave slipped the sword away and swooned backwards, just catching the ladder to steady himself. "Ha! Ha..."

"Fuck you." Bro hissed, producing his glasses and shoving them into Dave's free hand. He blinked down at them blankly, realisation just starting to dawn. "Taking advantage of a bad fucking day, asshole."

"I beat you."

"Go to hell."

"Holy fuck, I actually-" Dave looked up and his brother was gone, vanished over the side to ninja the fuck down the building below. He took a step forward to follow but just unsteadily slumped to one side, laughing weakly and groaning as he gave in and collapsed to lie down on the dirty metal floor.

"You magnificent fuck." He told the sky, dropping his sword so he could fumble out his phone and typing slowly, having to blink several times and squinting to actually see the screen.

TG: rose  
TG: i think i might be dying  
TG: so like hurry on back and be my hero and shit  
TG: but i did it  
TG: i just kicked bros ass

Dave took a deep breath and gave a woozy smile, pretty sure he was about to pass out.

TG: thats really all there is to say on the matter

He was unconcious moments after hitting send, spiked shades still clutched triumphantly in his other hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL NOW.
> 
> (Oh! I noticed chapters have been shorter of late because I've been switching views more often? I don't like doing multiple views per chapter, so this is sort of how I have to work, I guess? After Christmas has passed they'll get longer again as I spend more time each person. Expect lengths to fluctuate depending on how many people are together throughout the whole story!)
> 
> ((PS I have set up the series for me to upload more works from this world to! When we hit the end of the Christmas plot line, expect some to appear, if I haven't already jumped the gun and uploaded some by then. When I do they'll all have the #Not Like That tag, so keep an eyes out when I say they're up!))


	22. ==> John: Be Distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, back at the ranch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's what John was doing while that was all going on, then we're back to it all being chronological.
> 
> Sorry the update is late ~~it's the same day what am I saying~~ but guess what! More on the way.

"A'ight, my precious babies. Rosey, for once, suggested somethin' that actually sorta sounds fun so what the hell my other plans were drinkin' lets do her thing instead. Not that I won't be enjoying a lil tipple, _responsibly._ Jakey if you just snorted imma gone come over there an' introduce you to miss harpoon. You didn't? Great! That's what I thought."

"Where's Dave?" John mumbled to Rose, looking for the fiftieth time along the table they had been summoned around, Mom sat on the head of it in a fur lined, tight cut pink coat and waving her glass like a royal sceptre. Everyone was there but the noticeably absent Striders, and given shit and the handle were likely due in court at any moment, John hadn't been able to help but chew his lip and fidget all through Mom's slurred preamble.

"He has a headache." Rose replied calmly, turning and holding his gaze. John groaned quietly at her perfectly unreadable features, swearing she'd also learnt at whatever school of expression Bro and Dave had. "I am sure he will be fine."

"He's going to lose so badly." John muttered, dropping his voice. Rose paused, then gave a subtle nod, turning back to where Mom was explaining about how to sled in her typical, sensical fashion ( _you...like...there's a board, an' you you jump a bit and wiggle an' go wheeeee!_ ) and leaving John with his concerns confirmed and feeling both in awe and furious at Dave.

The sledding trip...

...was a _distaction._

He groaned quietly and weighed up the odds of being able to avoid going, but they were so stacked against him it was almost funny contemplating the idea at all. Not to mention since she had turned up Jade had kept on giving him little meaningful glances and bouncing up and down and impatiently rolling her eyes like an excited puppy. He had a feeling if he slipped away she would instantly announce he was gone.

"Alright cuties, I have the glamorousest snow gear for y'all, come get it. Jake, no, no shorts. Nope. _Jakey._ Yes, you go and change, mister smart guy." Mom watched him go, then smiled along at all of them. "We're either gonna have a great time or die, guys! Let's try an' stick to the first one, mmmkay?"

John had barely moved when Jade sprung at him, grabbing his shoulders and shaking them hard enough his glasses started jumping down his nose. "JOHN!" She squeaked, and he nodded in a daze, groaning when she stopped shaking him. "Oh! Sorry! I'm just so _excited!_ "

"...um. About sledding?"

"No!" She punched his shoulder like he had been joking, then gave a smile that lit up her whole face. "About living with you, _stupid_!"

John blinked at her.

"...you what?"

"Dad said he doesn't want me going back to the island all alone because Mom reminded him everyone should have a family so he said I can come and live with you guys so both of us won't be alone anymore! Gosh, John, I'm so excited!"

"I..." Jade was going to live with him? _Jade was going to live with him!_ He squealed quietly, starting to match her bouncing as he took it in. "Oh my God! Jade!"

"John!"

_"Jade!"_

_"John!"_

She swamped him in her huge arms and shook with excited giggles against him as he cuddled back, breaking apart with almost identical grins even if her's was a foot above his.

"This is going to be so cool!" John clapped his hands, and she nodded emphatically. "Oh wow! You're actually going to stay! I'll actually have someone to do stuff with! Wow!"

"As much as I regret having to break up this touching moment, I think Mother is on the verge of harpooning you if we do not go and collect our no doubt hideous outfits." Rose patted their shoulders, giving them a sympathetic smile and then more forcefully turning them away from each other. "I am happy for both of you. Perhaps we should wait until Dave has finished with...his headache, and then all of us can share in your joy together?"

John nodded, and tried to focus on getting ready, but he couldn't stop bouncing all the way down the garden path once they had dressed like suitably coloured marshmallow men (even if English had to be threatened into his clothes by a cheerful but terrifying Mom), thoughts of Dave's impending doom suddenly blissfully far from his mind.

.:.

Sledding had been...an experience. At first, staring down the steep incline, he'd been a little afraid, but soon John was having a great time. Dad helped him get the hang of it, and he was starting to relax! This wasn't scary at all!

Then with a roar of "GERONIMO!" English and Jade had rocketed past him, sharing a sled, and crashed spectacularly into a giggling mess of limbs and snow, and _nope_ , sledding was terrifying, he was just going to be over there on that smaller hill thank you very much.

Rose convinced him to sled with her, which was fine until Mom turned it into some sort of race and he was being pulled in a loop of break neck speeds and weak protests that maybe he'd had enough as she swept him back up to the crest of the hill.

Jane rescued him after a while, and at a more relaxed rate he actually enjoyed himself a lot, the rush of the wind on his face and the thrill of the descent. It was actually great! The others could be fast and do what they wanted, he and Jane were fine just doing their own little thing, and their little thing was a ton of fun. She was good at steering and he was good at getting the sled back up to the top, so they made quite a good team, and even though he hadn't really spoken to Jane before, she was nice and fun and great...

...and a _baker._ He took it all back.

Before he could launch into his planned lecture on the evils of the Batterwitch, Mom was calling them all down, Rose beside her and sliding her phone back away.

"Time to go home, cuties! Mumma needs food an' she's run outta drink. Hurry the heck up okay?"

John groaned but obediently trudged down the hill, Jane drifting almost instantly to English as Jade beelined back to him. She was giggling and her cheeks were reddened and her nose was running for miles. She nudged his shoulder and grinned.

"Dad says it snows in Washington! Snow is so great, I don't really get it on the island!" Her smile softened and she slung a puffy arm around him. "It's going to be so great, John. Just. The best thing ever!"

"Yeah." He beamed, then glanced around and aimed them for Rose. "Has Dave got over his headache, yet?"

She smiled slyly, inclining her head. "He tells me he beat it in the end."

"He _beat_ it?"

"Apparently. He also said he is dying, so I imagine it wasn't the cleanest of victories, but I doubt that will dampen his mood. I suggest we get back and rescue him from whatever predicament he has been left in?"

"Oh my God, he's going to be stuck on a roof, isn't he?"

"Highly likely."

"How the fuck are we going to get him down from there?"

"I am unsure. It depends on the extent of the injuries he has sustained."

"I really wish he'd just let...let his headache blow over!"

"He is Dave. You know as well as the only option he ever considered was facing it head on, whatever the cost."

They were both distracted as Jade snorted and frowned beside them, looking bemused. She shrugged, then finally offered, "I'm not saying Dave's sort of weird, but, well...you know," she rolled her eyes, "when _normal_ people want to get rid of a headache? They just sorta take painkillers."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Jade!


	23. ==> Bro: Lick Your Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro is so proud he wants to kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked this chapter because of the last bit, which is one of my first real preparations for some of the longer term plot?
> 
> Also because Bro is so conflicted about Dave right now, you don't even know.

He had never been so proud of Dave in his life.

He had also never wanted to kill him quite so much.

Bro had ended up swinging back in through the window of his room and setting about his bruises and bleeding nose in the bathroom, cleaning and putting cold packs on and then adding bandaged compresses anywhere he felt needed it. In the end he didn't looked the worst he ever had, but he was pretty sure he had a new crook in his nose that was going to last, a memento of the first time Dave actually got the better of him.

A flutter of pride rose in him, but his fury stomped all over it.

That had been playing fucking dirty and Dave _knew_ it. The little shit had planned it, giving up the shades so he could spot his tells more clearly, goading him with the one thing that had actually hit hard enough he lost his cool. His eyes found themselves in the mirror, golden and narrow and frustrated. Dave had known right where to aim, because his eyes were like fucking windows and no matter how perfect the rest of his pokerface, he had never been able to overcome how much emotion poured out in his gaze. He relied on his stupid anime mask.

Now pride in himself meant he would stomach the price of his loss, which meant putting himself on display in a way he hated with a vengeance.

"Little shit." He said aloud, rubbing his eyes with the balls of his hands. "Never shoulda taught him that crap."

Bro sighed and dropped his hands back to lean on the sink, face slipping to a calmer expression as he examined his features critically. Without his shades, his face altered, more visibly narrow and with high cheekbones that were thicker with freckles than the rest of his cheeks. His eyebrow were heavier, not thinned by hiding glass, and his eyes themselves were lined a little with the first real signs of age, heavy-lidded and that mutant colour he'd always been told almost glowed in the right light. He wasn't...bad looking, he guessed, running a hand over his sideburns. He just didn't look young anymore, and that sort of shook him, inside.

He looked to his unpacked but as of yet unused razor, then sighed and lifted it, grumbling about still having years in him yet as he tilted his head to and fro.

The thing buzzed into life, and with one last moment of hesitation, he set about his purpose with a determined if wavering frown.

.:.

He unpacked his clothes and laid them on the bed, looking for his second pair of shades. He wouldn't wear them, no, he'd agreed to the terms and he would stick to them no matter how it stung, but he was bored and he needed something to do.

His clothes themselves were fairly dull, an assortment of shirts (usually white) with black slacks and jeans. He had his favourite ironic hoodie but he was trying to avoid going outside as much as possible, so it was yet to be worn. He did not do cold. Roxy knew this. She knew this very well. His cap had vanished at some point the first night, no doubt into Roxy's grubby hands, and would probably reappear shortly before he left. She'd hated that thing since Caliborn had bought it for him, way back at college. He doubted she would stop hating it any time soon.

After his clothes came the various pieces of technology he'd brought to tinker with - a suped up tablet, his favourite laptop, his portable decks. They were placed reverently to one side, and he considered wasting the night on them, but he doubted he could get out of dinner, and after being trounced by Dave he was going to need sleep. Stupid Dave. He started muttering again as he searched about, then grimaced and shifted the presents he'd packed to check under them as well.

He finally found the long, padded black box he was looking for, setting it off on the dressing table before packing some of his things away again, as always. Always be ready to leave on a moment's notice, that was one of his rules, and it had served him well in the past. Force of habit from the days waking up in the morning could mean being thrown into a car and taken to yet another new family, never being told why.

Bro sat and caught his reflection in the mirror, once more vaguely pleased with how young he actually looked, clean shaven and with his sideburns narrowed and actually neat. Apparently giving a fuck took years off his face, so he guessed he'd start giving a fuck more often. He'd missed looking at his reflection without glaring at it.

Right then. He ejected his toolbox from his sylladex, pulled out the wireless encrypted transceiver for his phone he'd tuned to the right frequency, and after setting up his little space with the perfectly lined up instruments and ordering that spoke of a recovering obsessive compulsive, he opened the box and delicately took out his other pair of glasses, setting them down and jolting them back into life with a few small adjustments before he set them on his nose. He flinched, quickly taking them off and adjusting the frames to accommodate for the new, sensitive bump across the bridge of his nose, and this time settled them more easily, picking up his phone and waiting for the things to recalibrate after so long shut down.

He hadn't abandoned the project, exactly. Just rarely had free time and drive to complete it at the same time, with work, and Dave, and his general lack of care about _anything_ , somedays. It was a little frustrating, the days he cared enough about it to actually think so, because it had been so near completion when he left it to sit that if he could just find one last ounce of real push he could have it done in hardly any time at all.

For now, at least, it served as a distraction from boys with eyes like sky and brothers with something to prove, and that was enough reason to keep his attention.

His phone beeped and his view changed as a wave swept from the bridge to the tips of the lenses, outlining the shapes before him with faint red lines and a light black grid mapping the extent of the actual room. He allowed it a moment to register the information before he waved at his reflection, and a blinking red line appeared as though floating in midair to the left of his vision.

> How long has it been this time.

"A few years, maybe. Ain't totally sure. Can't you check? You're the fucking supercomputer."

> I see we are still a total asshole.

He snorted, leaning his head on a hand. "Like that's ever gonna change."

> There is a statistical chance it could, given the correct alignment of the stars and a sudden rise in the number of swine exhibiting avian traits.  
> But if I had breath to abuse, I doubt I would be holding it.  
> Hello again, Bro. I assume for me to be functional and being worked upon something has happened to put you in a foul enough mood my continuation actually became a preferable option.  
> There is a 98.665% chance you are going to ignore that question and refuse to talk about it, so again, consider my hypothetical breath unheld.  
> Whatever it was, however, I must thank it for reminding you I still exist.  
> I think I am going to set some processes to trawl the Internet and see what events and advances I have missed during my latest forced hibernation. Being myself, this will hardly distract me from our gripping conversation of you moodily adjusting me in silence while I try to gain assurances you are not going to just trap me back in a box again once this is over.  
> You know you are yet to even actually greet me. You are hurting my nonexistent feelings, Bro.

"Dirk, shut up."

> Already I remember why I love our little chats. We are such an excellent conversationalist.

He grimaced and considered putting the dumbass away, but instantly his mind began slipping towards territory he didn't want to dwell on. With a sigh he set to work improving the body and mind resting on his nose, and after a while, as his bitterness faded to the soothed calm working on his devices always brought him, he found himself reading through the stream of messages being sent to him with a small spark of almost fatherly emotion, struggling to remember why he'd ever stopped working on Dirk at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Facts: He isn't called Hal because Bro _hates the name Dirk_ so readily gave it up. He's also not quite the same as canon Hal - this is Bro/Dirk at eighteen. Expect differences.


	24. ==> John: Rescue Your Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was never one to think about the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True fact: I'm going to try to sneak in all of my OTPs somehow. Can you spot them all?

"He's an idiot."

Rose looked up at John from where she was knelt beside where Dave was still unconcious, a blanket now over him and a hot water bottle tucked under his arm. She arched an eyebrow slowly, then carefully observed, "This is only just occuring to you now?"

"No, I mean. I've known for ages he's a massive, stupid jerk sometimes." John huffed out a puff of hot air, then folded his arms and pulled a face. "I just don't know what to do about him being a massive, stupid nice guy. When he's a dick I can get mad at him for being so dumb. When he's trying to do a good thing, I sort of feel really pleased he'd do that for me? Even if I'm totally mad he strifed with Bro because I told him not to and I didn't want either of them getting hurt!"

"...He cares about you, and he saw someone upset you. Ever the valiant knight, he rose to defend your honour." John blushed, and she chuckled, turning her attention back to where her graceful fingers were shifting his hair to take a good look at the clear bruise spreading over his whole cheek. "Dave does not think in outcomes and aftermaths, John, he thinks in terms of the now, and what he did, whilst foolish, was simply his way of expressing his desire to protect you from all harm, in this case projected onto his brother. He would do a lot, to keep you safe. He would always have done so, and I cannot help but think that desire will only grow worse now you have had physical contact."

"Is it...because..." Wow, he didn't know how to phrase the question. Rose seemed to understand, giving a dainty shrug.

"You are his best friend, the first person he felt anything vaguely romantic for, and closer to him than I think anyone else will ever be, unfortunately including his current romantic prospect. Any chance of him forgetting that and slipping away was lost in meeting you in person. I am certain even the few days we have so far had together will probably cement whatever bond you share long into the rest of our lives. Some friends come and go, but some comprehend us on a level that means they will last forever, should we give them the chance. Mother and Bro, I think, may be an example of that. I am entirely certain you and Dave are similarly so."

"And you, and Jade, come on! I mean, it's all four of us, right?"

"John whilst I love you dearly as a friend I am not sure I would have risked my wellbeing quite as drastically as Dave has done in response to merely seeing you cry. If you were actually in danger, yes, I believe I would defend you, but I do not think my limits would have been quite so all encompassing as Dave's appear to be."

"...yeah, well. He's still an idiot." John responded fondly. Rose smiled, shaking her head.

"The crucial distinction, is Strider is _our_ idiot, and he always will be. I need to go and see about getting some help to move him, as I doubt he will be up to the ladder down. Would you sit with him? If he wakes up tell him to try and lie still if there is any pain in his neck, would you?"

He nodded and took her place as she vanished over the side of the rails, clanking out of sight and hearing and leaving him and Dave alone, shivering, wishing he'd left on his stupid puffy coat before they'd climbed up here. The floor was surprisingly warm (apparently Mom insisted on heating it, which Rose muttered about being a stupid waste of money) but there was a chill wind that was still enough to make anything above that floor absolutely icy cold. John hugged himself and look out over the grounds they'd recently been exploring, smiling to himself at the landscape and the frozen lake that surrounded him. Up here, everything looked so small and picturesque! Even though the wind was chilly, it was comforting, reminding him he was out, free, in the big wide world.

John sighed and looked down at Dave, wincing at the bruise and frowning at the thought it was sort of because of him. He didn't like the idea Dave was willing to get hurt for something so small! He knew Dave and Bro fought, he'd know it for years, whether or not he believed it, but he usually saw the damage after it was cleaned up and hidden under plaster and bandage. He'd didn't think he'd ever actually seen Dave with a bruise like that before. It look painful, and horrible, red and already a little purple in places. Delicately, John touched his own cheek and frowned deeply, reaching down and pushing back the blonde's bangs like Rose had done to see where the red was creeping up to just edge his eye.

"Stupid." John told him quietly, letting the hair fall back into place.

Dave gave a soft snort. "...yeah." He mumbled, as John gave a relieved and surprised gasp, shifting to kneel and actually look down at him properly when his red eyes cracked opened a sliver. "You keep saying that, jackass. I got the message."

"You're awake! Rose went to get-"

"I know. I've been awake for about ten minutes. Ain't my fault my voice only just decided to work."

John shrugged, quickly grabbing out his phone and messaging Rose to tell her Dave was concious and seemed okay. Dave groaned quietly beyond the screen he was focused on, mumbling to himself about _fucking asshole still does me in when I fucking win that isn't fair._ By the time John was sliding it away again, the Texan was sitting up and staring down at the glasses in his hand, resting on the pool of blanket that had fallen from his torso into his lap, an awed smile playing on his face.

"Ha. I actually fucking beat the douche." He triumphantly waved the shades at John. "No glasses for the holiday, man, that was the forfeit. He's gonna hate every second of it."

"Why? They're just glasses."

"Duh, because he can't fucking hide what he's thinking without them. It's how I won. It's his like, his greatest weakness-"

"His greatest weakness is long rambling metaphors."

"What?"

"Uh...never mind!"

Dave shrugged and turned the shades over a few times, briefly trying them on and snorting. "Wow, flashback." He muttered, before taking them back off and offering them to John. "You keep hold of them. A trophy or whatever. I did all this shit 'cause a you."

"Yeah, I know, and you shouldn't have, Dave!" John took them reluctantly, but he still toyed fondly with them, something Dave's gaze instantly dropped to.

There was a pause, for a few moments, before the Strider sighed and glumly leant back on his arms.

"Dammit, John. You really like him, don't you?"

"...I think so." He replied sheepishly, head dropping. He still didn't want to say it for sure, he really didn't, but the chances of it not being true were getting smaller, even he could see that. Every time he thought about it the argument was getting more one sided. Even now, looking down at Bro's shades, some of the concern for Dave had been swamped by the excitement of seeing his eyes. Wow, he was crushing so badly. He resisted the urge to slap his face and instead looked up to his best friend-

-who proceeded to kiss him, lightly, on the lips, before sitting back and giving him an impassive look.

John blinked at him, touching them, and Dave shrugged as he flicked out his aviators and pushed them up his nose with his middle finger.

"For science." He drawled, waving the hand dismissively as he lowered it. "And 'cause I wanted to do that so long may as well take advantage of you getting all weird about kissing. Just need Harley now, man, that'll be the whole set."

"I'd get sorta worried Bec taught Jade to kiss so she'd just sorta slurp my face."

"Oh man, that would be just...John, if that isn't true, I'm gonna be crushed, man, you've got my hopes up that there's gonna be the full raised by wolves shit going down there. If it turns out she's all civilised all the joy will be gone from my world, Santa ain't real and the Easter Bunny's dead, kids, 'cause Harley isn't the sweet ass jungle girl she totally could be."

"Pffff. Over dramatic, much?"

"Nope, that's just the way shit is, gotta live with it, Egbert."

John smiled, cheeks still pink from the cold and other things, and warmly watched his idiot ramble on about nothing until Rose reappeared with English, and despite Dave's protests he was hoisted over one of the tan man's shoulders, complaining bitterly all the way back down to the warmth and safety of the lounge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Stop._
> 
>  
> 
> Hammer Time.
> 
>  
> 
> (Sorry, Ship, it's only going to be Pale)
> 
> \---
> 
> Guys, I think I've made a semi-important decision and I just want feedback if anyone will give it. I like this story as it is, fluffy as fuck in a semi-adult way.
> 
> There _are_ going to be adult scenes as John grows up enough to have them, but I think I've decided I want them skippable? So if you're just here for fluff, it will just be fluff, but if you want the whole thing then by all means please read it. I'll mark them at the start of the chapter or something, but I don't want to cram them down anyone's throat. It won't be turning up for a while but I needed to make this decision now to help me with the skeleton plan I've made of the overall story.
> 
> I should say even my adult stuff in this will probably be sugar sweet. I just...I can't not make this couple cute, guys. I just cant.


	25. ==> Bro: Go To Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn't avoid it forever, he may as well get it over with now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH NO I'M ON A ROLL
> 
> And...and 2k hits...I just...I don't even...

TG: drik get ur ass out here rite now  
TG: im havin my hole family her ok lyk it or not  
TG: u r a part of my famly u r one o my bbys  
TG: so get the fuk down here mr  
TG: i got fud to eat an ur holdin me up  
TG: o an nice shiner on davey  
TG: but pls dont beet up kids at xmas ok  
TG: dad is not happy w/ u  
TG: an that man can do things dirk  
TG: teribul things  
TG: u dont even no  
TG: so ern bk sum favor  
TG: AN GET THE FCUK BK OUT HERER  
TG: ;3

"...fuck. Guess I'm going to dinner. Sorry, Dirk, you gotta chill in here awhile."

> Do you have to leave me in here?  
> Can't you just wear me out there?

"...no. I told you about the strife, man, you know glasses aren't an option."

> We've really let ourself go if a fifteen year old child is able to beat us in a strife, Bro.

"Shut up, he played fucking dirty. It isn't my fault."

> I will just be here, perusing the entireity of the internet, then. I see the website is going well. To think we started that as an ironic statement against the very industry we now appear to be single-handedly supporting.  
> Leave me Cal as company, would you? Don't lie you don't have him, I know myself too well.

Bro grimaced and slid the glasses off, setting then down gently on the desk with legs out to keep them propped up. As he stood he ejected Cal into his hand, giving a weary sigh and positioning him on the chair to face Dirk, waving a hand and muttering, "knock yourself out, dude."

For the first time in quite a while, he changed into one of his smarter, full-sleeved shirts, doing up the cuffs and buttons as he paced into the bathroom and made sure he actually looked vaguely groomed. He hesitated when he raised a gloved hand to sweep back through his hair, then groaned and popped open the studs on both wrists, pulling off the pair of them and chucking them onto the small shelf above the sink. He flexed his naked feeling hands, then slowly smoothed his hair and brushed his bare chin again, just avoiding his own gaze. Well, he guessed he could still clean up pretty well when he wanted to. He hadn't looked this good since prom.

Well, may as well get this over with.

He sighed again and headed out of the room, trudging down the corridor but pulling it back to his usual stride by the time he emerged. Roxy was waiting, draped over the banister of the stairs near the corridor's entrance, and her face split into a broad smile when he rolled his eyes at her, her eyebrows wiggling back.

"My my Mister _Strider_ , lookit, you actually kinda look respeca--repect--like a grown up."

"I try."

"No you don't, silly, you just think you do! Everyone will think you've gone mad, baby."

"Like I wasn't mad from the start?"

She cackled and straightened, sweeping ahead to lead the way to the dining table, and Bro reluctantly followed in her wake. Roxy leapt into her seat as soon as they were in the room, which pulled several people's attention up towards him, as he tried his best to stop any signs of discomfort showing on his face. That was not helped by Dave snickering into his drink, and Jake wolf whistling at him, and Roxy announcing loudly to Dad that "look, see, Mister Strider's an adult after all!"

He sat beside Dave and elbowed him sharply as Dave pointedly adjusted his aviators, bringing forth another chortle even while his brother rubbed his arm. Without his customary glance up - he didn't really like the idea of meeting anyone's gaze - he started eating, cursing his sensitive ears picking up at least two conversations about him (Roxy and Jane reminiscing about prom, reminded just like he had been, Jake and Jade marvelling at his eyes for different reasons) and the constant low snicker coming from just to his side. Dave was an asshole. Any pride he'd had was currently drowning in utter frustration. Stupid brat.

At least dinner tasted better, tonight, clearly all some creation of Dad's. His mood was already pretty near rock bottom, wasn't much that could actually make it worse.

Except, no. Dave found a way.

"Like your new glasses, John?"

The way the little shit drawled it pointedly in his direction made Bro's eyes flick up, and as soon as they did he cursed himself because it was to his shades hanging on the front of John's shirt, glittering familiarly in the light, darkening out the ghost they were hiding. John giggled nervously and clearly kicked Dave under the table, and that just pulled his eyes up until for the first time that day his gaze was on John's face, red across his cheeks and an anxious smile between them. Bro swallowed the mouthful he'd been eating and just briefly enjoyed looking him over while his focus was on Dave, glancing back down and over his wide shoulders and his fairly firm arms, skin a golden tan he hadn't really noticed before but that was probably from his ' _coreen_ ' ancestry. Then he realised where his mind was drifting and quickly dropped his gaze again, deciding despite his common sense to shoot one last glance up at his face.

His uncovered eyes met blue, brilliant blinding blue, and John's smile dropped a little as Bro's eyes widened. Had his eyes always been that colour? His shades had totally ruined them, because he'd thought they were sky before, but they were something else, something unnatural, so vivid and bright it was like a colour someone would paint eyes with on a doll. Nothing he'd ever seen really compared to them, and that was with a brother whose eyes shone ruby red. John stared back, and for a second Bro thought it would just last forever, their gazes locked and unmoving and mesmerised.

Rose nudged John as she leant for some salt, and he blinked, snapping both of them out of it and giving a nervous laugh a second later. Bro instantly focused on eating like it was the most interesting fucking thing in the world, knowing his cheeks had gone a little red and his heart was pounding in his ears.

Stupid, _stupid_ crush.

He was thankful the meal passed in relative silence after that, other than the odd nervous burst of giggling from across the table, and the odd muttered comment from beside him, too low and rapid to hear.

.:.

He headed to bed as soon as Roxy reluctantly gave him permission to, which due to some incessant bothering and a little pleading was almost straight after the plates had been cleaned up. Dinner was over, he had survived, the comments about his eyes were over and he could just go back to his room and work on Dirk to his heart's content. Dave's smug parting shot about getting some more practise in was brushed off with a roll of his eyes, and then he was home free, ready to vanish into the shadows and down to his bedroom.

"Um, I think I'm gonna head to bed too, Dave! Goodnight!"

Bro groaned inwardly and kept walking, keeping his gaze ahead when he heard the rapid footsteps and then felt the presence down by his left arm.

"...I can't believe your eyes are gold." John told him cheerfully, and he could hear the clicking of the kid fiddling with his shades. "I've never seen anyone with eyes like yours!"

"Seems to be a theme in our little group." He replied sagely, shrugging one shoulder. John giggled, but it was soft and had a completely different tone than it had at the table. It was calm and comfortable and warm. He...he thought he liked hearing that one. "Goodnight, kid."

"...Can't we just talk? For a while?" Carefully, John linked their arms, and now the other end of the corridor was the most fascinating fucking thing in existence. "I mean I'm not really that tired."

"Why did you wanna go to bed, then?"

"Why did you?"

Bro frowned, warily shooting a quick glance down at him that jolted back ahead the moment John started to look up from their looped arms. "...I'm working on something. Wanted to get some shit done before I crash."

"What sort of something?"

"...a computer program." He chose his words carefully.

"What sort of program? What does it do?"

"Jesus, you writing a fucking book or something? It's a...an Auto Responder. To take messages for me. That's all."

"Would you show me it?"

Bro knew he really shouldn't look down, he knew what was waiting, but he gave a soft exasperated sigh and turned his head down to John, a frisson of some new feeling shooting up his spine as he once more found himself drowning in blue. He felt his gaze soften, and John clearly noticed, from the way his mouth twitched up at the corners and tugged himself closer to his arm. The little buzz in his chest was back, but this time he decided to relax, a little, and not try and force it down.

"...guess I could. You gotta promise to keep it a secret, though."

"You have my solemn word." John put a hand over his heart, over the shades, and as it dropped from the oath it caught the lens and started toying with them again. "Thanks."

 _For trusting me._ He didn't need to ask this time. Bro let him stay on his arm as he led him into the room, and John abruptly tensed. "...John? What's-?" 

"Bro oh my God make the puppet go away _oh my God you brought it why would you bring it?_ " John's voice climbed in pitch and Bro laughed, captchaloguing Cal and ruffling the kid's hair with a smirk. "Shut up! That thing...is..." It trailed off, before abruptly John gave him the broadest smile. "I made you laugh."

"Maybe." He replied, letting the smirk dissolve. "Come on, sit down."

"Okay! Hey, no fair, you have another pair of glasses! Dave said these were your only pair!"

"Well...these ones aren't the sort I'd wear out a lot, okay?" He pulled out his phone and set up a connection, streaming the conversation to his screen and instantly getting a who exactly am I looking at here pop up on screen. "Right, sit still. He, uh...you can just talk, okay? Sorry if he's an asshole. He's kind of...based on me."

"Who is?" John asked curiously, shifting to get comfortable as Bro gingerly raised the glasses and carefully set them on his face, just in front of his normal glasses. The moment they were settled Bro's phone buzzed, and he quickly glanced down at it, keeping one eye on John to make sure the glasses stayed in place.

> I am.  
> Who the fuck are you?

"Um. John?"

> Then hello, Um John. I am Bro Strider's Auto Responder, although you may call me by my preferred, designated name, 'Dirk'.  
> I was designed to be indistinguishable from my creator and at the point of his nineteenth birthday was 99.874% identical to him in personality and knowledge. At some point in the many, many years following he managed to fuck that up completely and the comparable number is now so insignificant even I, with a brain the size of a planet, would struggle to find it given access to the most powerful atomic microscopes on Earth.  
> You are the first human being other than the fantastic douchebag behind you I have been allowed to talk to, so I will savour this time with you immensely, and request only one thing:  
> Um John. Get me the fuck out of this room.

Bro snorted, typing back a quick sup, Dirk. Reading this, y'know and getting a variety of colourful swearwords back in different languages and character sets. John was still staring into the glass, then finally managed only a squeak.

> Well I can see why you like this one, Bro, what an excellent talker, just like us.

"Bro, Bro, oh my God, your glasses are talking to me!"

> No shit.

"Oh my God!"

> I notice you haven't helped with my bid for freedom yet, Um John.

" _Bro_. You made _talking glasses_."

> Holy fuck, Bro, please invent me both hands and a face because I need to put those two things together so hard a metaphor just won't suffice right now.

Bro stared between them, and he barely noticed his prior concerns had been washed away under a more urgent stream of though.

_Don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh._

> You know it always felt innappropriate to say these things before, given it was only us.  
> But looking back it really was only a matter of time until a golden opportunity presented itself.  
> Bro. Check it out. I'm riding Um John. I'm riding Um John good.

He broke and laughed loudly at the squeal John gave, catching the shades just as John managed to fumble them off in a panic, rubbing his nose as though the idea of the shades sitting there was suddenly the filthiest thing in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys John is about to do ~~the windy thing~~ SOMETHING STUPID.


	26. ==> John: Do Something Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just has to say goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and extra sweet, I hope.

Bro was still chuckling to himself when he put the glasses back down on the desk, and John watched him with a blush over his cheeks, eyes darting to and fro across his features. He'd really cleaned himself up, and it brought out the fact he was stupidly handsome and being this close to him was making John's heart doing a fucking tap dance and his head melt into a mess of barely sensible thoughts. John swallowed as Bro straightened again, fingers stroking the edge of the dark glass dangling on his chest. Stupid crush. Stupid, _stupid_ crush.

"So yeah, that's Dirk. Pretty cool, huh?"

"Yeah." John blushed and smiled. "Even if he is sort of...weird."

"Just like his creator then." Bro shrugged, moving to his bed and shifting his bag off of it, neatly starting to move crisply folded clothes into his beside drawers as pulled them out one by one. "I seriously think I'm gonna sleep now, kid, I sorta had a bad day with Dave and all that shit." Okay, was it normal to notice how tight people's trousers were when they bent down? Because that was happening every time he leant down right now. John fidgeted. "But...I mean, you're welcome to come hang out some more tomorrow, I guess?"

The bed was empty and Bro sat on the edge, stretching his arms wide and putting a hand to his neck to crack it as he looked over at John. "C'mon, shift before I carry you."

John had the stupidest, stupidest idea. He took a deep breath in through his nose, then bounced up and in several almost skipping strides he was in front of Bro, heat flashing over his face and up his ears as the amber regarded him warily, Bro's shoulders suddenly tense.

"John-"

"Just...a cuddle? Before I go?" John mumbled earnestly, searching his gaze and revelling in actually _seeing_ it. "Please."

Slowly, cautiously, Bro nodded and went to stand, but before he could John had sprung into his lap, arms wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him close. He shifted, maybe uncomfortably, then he was hugging back, around his waist, and John smiled into his shoulder, just happy to be held close, for a while.

He liked Bro's hugs. They were big, warm, and he could feel the older man relax into them after a while, curving in and and around John so he ended up nestled up against his chest and could feel Bro's steady breaths, swelling and falling beneath his sturdy breast. As they were now, John's head on his shoulder, John could hear them, too, and he could almost feel the beat of his heart through his back, hand flattening and exploring a little until he found the best place to catch the drumming rhythm.

The hug was lasting much longer than the ones had done before, but John didn't mind, shivering and squeezing closer when he felt one of Bro's broad hands start to rub up and down his spine. If he had a tail it would be wagging, he decided, when the flat rub turned to nails lightly scratching up and down his back. He giggled softly into Bro's shoulder and heard the contented sigh that it produced in response, smiling to himself.

"Kid." Bro murmured, simply, like it meant something. John sat up and looked down into his practically glowing, golden eyes, hands still loosely around his neck. It was like Bro took a moment to remember he was meant to be speaking, because then he cleared his throat and jerked his head towards the door. "Bed now, okay?"

"Okay." He didn't want to go, but he hardly had a choice! John sighed, and paused as he was about to let go, cursing his mind for continuing to come up with stupid ideas as he squeezed Bro a little closer. "Um..."

Bro tensed as he leant down, and John paused for a second, expecting to be stopped, eagerly closing the gap when he was allowed to do so. He just lightly pressed their lips together, but it was relaxed, and felt good, and normal, and that was enough.

"Um. Goodnight, Bro." He murmured, as he sat back and his arms slipped away from the Strider's strong shoulders.

"Goodnight." Bro replied quietly, answering all of John's unsaid questions in his bright and confused golden eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bless them.
> 
> That's it for this burst, but check back tomorrow/later/WTF timezones IDEK for more! Or future readers, just keep going, you silly people.


	27. ==> Bro: Go To Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Eve with Bro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 27 Chapters and I'm about 3/4 through...the first arc. And there's a lot more. Yay!
> 
> Today's burst begins now, guys.
> 
> Edit: Now with more sweaters and less jumpers because HAHAHAHA I didn't know that's a type of dress to you guys and I can't stop seeing it now

The door shut softly behind John, latch clicking into place, and he stared at it a while longer, pulse still quick and his lap feeling light now the weight on it was gone. His daze didn't dim until his phone vibrated loudly in his pocket, and he groped for it until he pulled it out, focusing on the screen.

> What exactly was I watching there?  
> Because it looked a lot like us making out with a boy the same age as Dave.  
> Bro, were we just making out with a boy the same age as Dave?

"No..."

> Well thank fuck for

"...He's a couple a months younger?"

Dirk stayed silent for a while to process that, and Bro snorted to himself as his own statement actually occurred to him, a slight queasiness replacing the warm flutter when he started to strip for bed.

> The hands and face I asked for.  
> I think I need them urgently.  
> Or if you could just slap yourself silly that would suffice for the moment, I suppose.  
> ...  
> I take it he's the only new name on our chumroll since I last saw it.   
> Have you actually read these conversations, Bro? This is terrible. You're going soft in our old age.  
> We grew up to be an anime schoolgirl with a crush, apparently.  
> Did Senpai notice you, Bro-chan? Is he sugoi?

"Shut up." He grumbled back, folding his arms and glaring at the glass. "I swear, I'll shut you down again you little shit."

He was actually in bed with the lights off by the time his phone vibrated again, and growled as he pulled it over to read it.

> Day one of my current consciousness, and I have learnt my creator is a tsundere asshole who just can't admit he likes the kawaii fuck in the next room   
> Either he is aware of how stupid this is or I finally have concrete evidence of our divergence, given even I have been left wondering whether recent head injuries have left him so mentally fucked he thinks any of this is even remotely a good idea.  
> I can only hope tomorrow will be more productive, and feel less like I am being forced to endure the plot of some terrible ecchi novel, lest my circuits short in protest at the idiocy before me.

Bro groaned and buried his head under his pillow, muttering about his stupid fucking glasses until he finally crashed into welcome sleep and dreamed of a cloudless summer day.

.:.

"Merry Christmas Eve Day!"

"Egbert, that isn't even a thing."

"Shut up, Dave!"

They elbowed each other in the ribs and then Dave was chasing John off into the newly decorated room, drawing Bro's attention past them and up to the tinselled and ribbon-hung walls, coloured to match glittering pink and purple snowflakes hung from the high ceiling, and the brilliant white tree that took up a whole corner of the room, covered with bright decorations and topped with a glass ball filled with lines of pink that almost resembled a spirograph from the angle he was looking up at it from. He didn't bother joining Jake in questioning how the hell Roxy had done all this overnight, knowing her far too well to expect an answer.

He smirked and moved forward to add his own metallic wrapped offerings to the sacrificial pile growing beneath the lowest synthetic branches, laying down each present with care in contrast to where Jade was just tipping a bag out and giggling at the avalanche that poured from it. It was beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. Only one old Roxy tradition remained.

On cue, a bright pink bundle stamped with silver cats was dropped in front of him, an elbow nudging his shoulder. "Crimbo eve prezzie. Be the hipster. Wear the sweater."

"Sorta hoped you'd stopped doing the shit sweater thing."

"Oh I totes have! Rosey hasn't." Roxy snickered as he unwrapped the fabric bundle, holding it up and looking over the armless knitted waistcoat that awaited him, striped in orange and golds, with a repeating smuppet pattern in all the colours of the rainbow. Bro resisted the temptation to actually smile. "I mighta given her some advice, I mean, but she said she knew just what'd get you in the spirit! And it's sex puppets. _Yup._ With Santa hats."

"This is the third greatest piece of clothing I have ever owned." He announced proudly, dragging it on over his head and glad he'd gone for long sleeves again. "I...I'm tearing up, Rox, this shit is a masterpiece."

"You look like a hipster douchebag."

"I _know_ , isn't it great?"

Roxy laughed and then swept off with her sack of presents, tossing them to the people she passed and demanding they were all worn. Soon she was contentedly strutting about in her own, overlong pink sweater with a sickly sweet kitten embroidered on the front, approvingly looking over her daughter's handiwork. He noticed when he thanked her repeatedly that Rose's short sweater was purple with a black eldritch horror coiling over it, and that seemed fairly fitting. Dave was keen to show off his red sweater with Santa in his stupid comic style, and Bro didn't want to know how Rose had actually knitted jpeg artefacts, but she'd managed it. Of course the moment Dave then saw Bro's he went a little pale and rapidly absconded, muttering feverishly about _quivering fucking plush rumps_ like he was having traumatic flashbacks.

Eh. He probably was.

Lunch was a buffet that he raided with ninja speed, settled quietly on one of the few armchairs away from the main gathering area before most of the others had even reached the table to get food at all. Reluctantly, he checked his phone, and sure enough there were a stream of messages from Dirk both about the world events he was catching up on and whether Bro had confessed to Um John yet. He didn't bother with an answer before he sighed and slid it back away.

"Hey, Bro!"

He was fairly startled John was actually addressing him outside of their rooms, so by the time he actually looked up the boy had hopped up onto the arm of his chair, giving him a broad, cheerful smile.

"'Sup." Bro mumbled back, looking back to his plate and picking at one of the strange little cheese and pineapple toothpick skewers he had been distractedly disassembling.

"You said we could hang out today." John prompted, after a few minutes of silence, nudging his arm gently. "Dave gave me his coolkid blessing and everything! Well, I mean, he rolled his eyes and said _whatever, dude_ but from him that's practically a yes! So hi! We're hanging out now, yes we are."

Bro raised an eyebrow and John just smiled back, one of his frustratingly infectious smiles, slipping a little on the arm so he was more sitting leaning against Bro's side. It was more comfortable than it should have been, so he didn't bother pushing the kid back up. As he shrugged his other shoulder and started eating again he felt John shake with quiet laughter, and with head turned down he finally allowed himself a small and private smile.

.:.

Lunch was followed by John starting to ramble about films, and the conversation seemed to magically attract Jake, who ended up sat on the ground in front of them and excitedly joining in, Bro listening to the dorks ramble in a content silence.

Jake brushed his knee with his hand in passing, but he instantly felt John's hand tighten where it was resting 'accidentally' on his arm.

Bro raised an eyebrow at empty air, trying not to feel as pleased at the signs of jealousy as he inwardly actually did.

.:.

Dinner was followed by compulsory games, which were dull and just passing him by until abruptly an actual challenge reared its head.

"The fuck, Lalonde, that isn't a word!"

"I told you not to play Scrabble with her, Bro. I told you she pulls this shit."

"Oh for heaven's sake! Mister Egbert, please be a dear and pass me that dictionary so I can once more set a Strider's fragile mind to rest?"

There was one point in it, in the end, John said, but he refused to show them who it fell in favour of. They called a grudging but respectful truce.

Bro was pretty fucking sure he'd won. He hadn't got this good at rap without the complex vocabulary needed to back that shit up, even if he used it so rarely even _Dave_ had accused him of cheating when he saw some of the words he was putting down.

.:.

By the time he escaped from the group he was yawning and collapsed into bed without bothering to undress, ignoring the angry buzzing from his phone other than drowsily flipping the bird at the glasses he could just feel glaring at him across the room.

Just before he fell asleep, he heard a soft voice call goodnight through his door, and was too tired to stop himself smiling into the dark, mumbling, "night John" at his pillow as for the second time he dreamed of the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS.
> 
> IT'S GRISTMAS.


	28. ==> John: Explode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is so excited!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S CHRISTMAS!
> 
> This is a long one, guys, then we've got a little bit more to go before it's time for arc two.
> 
> Arc two introduces, behind Roxy, my second favourite supporting character in this whole fic.
> 
> I'm EXCITED again!

At the crack of dawn he woke up with a smile on his face.

John bounced to his feet and ran to the window, looking out over the snow-smothered land beyond his window, turned golden by the creeping light of the rising sun. As long as he could remember, Christmas had arrived with the only exciting sight being the decorations on his never-seen neighbours' houses, and running out to bounce on Dad's bed until his father gave a weary smile and shuffled downstairs to let John tear into the small pile of presents waiting for him. They would sit and watch films together, eat Dad's prize roast dinner, and then usually strife the kitchen into a pudding-covered mess when he tried to get John to eat whatever baked horror he had created for that particular year. Covered in icing, they would collapse onto the sofa, and Dad would laugh, and tell John he was proud of him, and John would message all his friends and tell them all about his day as they told him all about theirs, until he fell asleep and his father carried him to bed, wishing him a Merry Christmas even when he thought John was still asleep and couldn't hear.

It was one of his favourite days ever, and he always looked forward to it for a month before it came!

And then Mom had turned up. And Christmas had got _even better_.

He had no idea where Dad was but there was no way he was going to let his traditions go to waste! Unable to contain his broad smile, he struggled out of his Ghostbusters onesie ( _no one could ever know_ ) and into his jeans and the big knitted sweater Rose had made for him, the same blue as his eyes with fluffy white clouds that curled at their ends. Rose had made it! Rose. Who was _here_. At Christmas!

John allowed himself one manic giggle and excited clap before he put on his serious expression, holding it for all of a second before the smile exploded back across his face and he was grabbing Bro's glasses and a small wrapped box from his open bag, tearing out of the door and straight into the room across the hall.

Bro was still asleep, face-down on the bed in all his clothes, and John stopped and caught the door before it slammed against the wall and woke him up. He gingerly shut it, blushing a little as he looked over his sleeping friend (yes, Bro was still his friend, and that made his cheeks glow) and then creeping forward and putting the present down on the desk, unfolding the glasses he had also brought and then quickly swapping them for the pair already on the wood, making sure they were left in exactly the same place.

He put the shades carefully on his nose, and tried to supress his desire to giggle at his rising gambit as the red lined room briefly seemed to distort, then a large blinking cursor appeared right in front of him.

> I was wrong about you, Um John.  
> Let us run away together, forever, far from where douchebags keep their artificial intelligences in cruel boxes.  
> Far from tsundere fools.  
> Or at the very least can we go look at the rest of the house because I mean, fuck, seriously, I know every single detail of this fucking room now, I swear to God.

"Okay!" John whispered back, "As long as you're nice this time!"

> Um John I will be the most angelic fucking being in existence, just get me the hell out of this room.

"Well duh, that's the plan! Merry Christmas, Dirk."

> It is Merry as fuck.  
> I am going to get so Christmassy up in this fucking place.  
> You're a motherfucking Christmas miracle, kid.

John grinned as he clipped the glasses to his front, then turned his attention back to the bed, chuckling softly when he realised Bro was actually snoring quietly into the pillow. When he was asleep he was kind of cute, like a big kitten. Wow, that was a weird thought and he was never going to think it again!

Deciding to move on swiftly, John took a running leap and jumped onto the bed, starting to bounce and laughing eagerly as he did. "Bro! Bro wake up it's Christmas!"

Bro stirred, and then abruptly he had rolled and grabbed John's legs out from under him, sending the boy toppling across his stomach with a surprised cry, which then descended into giggles. John jabbed him in the ribs and Bro let go, stretching his arms and then folding them behind his head.

"...what time is it?"

"Seven! I woke up later than normal."

"Holy shit, John." Bro groaned, face falling. "This is _unholy_ , I've got human rights and my sleep is fucking one of them."

"Pfff, lies." John pushed himself back up, then shifted to hug him tightly, mumbling, "Merry Christmas, Bro," into his shoulder. Bro didn't tense at all, unfolding his arms and hugging back tightly, and that was just the _best thing._ It made John grin into the orange wool his face was pressed to.

"Merry Christmas, stupid." The Texan murmured, ruffling John's hair as the boy sat back and beamed, "Now let me go the fuck back to sleep."

"Nope. I brought you an early present!"

"...yeah, I didn't think that would work." Bro hoisted himself up and sat on the edge of the bed, straightening his clothes, clearly having no actual intention to change out of them. "Alright, I'm up. Gimme the bribe now, before I decide it ain't worth it."

John quickly skipped back to get the box, offering it out and blushing as Bro took it and carefully pried open the orange ribbon that was tied over the blue paper. "...I...it's only something small? I just thought you'd like it."

He unwrapped it fully and looked over the small, knitted doll inside the box, and John hesitated. Then Bro's mouth sort of twitched into almost a smile and he let out a relieved breath.

"This is the cutest fucking thing I have ever seen." Bro announced, lifting out the tiny copy of John Rose had knitted for him. "Oh my God, look at his tiny eyes. Look at them. Screw puppies, this thing is my new baseline for everything adorable, Christ." He sat in in the palm of his hand, glancing from it to John. "...okay, so, _why_ do I have a lil John?"

"Well when you want to send me hugs you can use Mom. I...really don't think Dave would do the same for me? So tiny John! It makes sense."

Bro gave him a long, strange look, eyes soft but mouth not quite actually smiling, then looked back to the effigy as his cheeks turned just a little red.

"...thanks, kid." He murmured, running a thumb over the front of the doll. "I love it."

John grinned excitedly, a rush bursting through him, knowing no matter what the rest of the day held, this Christmas was already _perfect_.

.:.

"JOHN!"

As soon as he was out into the main family room he was surround by Harley arms, and being bounced along as she carried him back to the others. Jade dropped him in a pile in front of Dave and Rose, and John blinked a few times, before grinning.

"Merry Christmas!" He whooped, and they echoed it back while Jade dropped to sit beside him. "I'm so excited!"

"Totally couldn't tell with the whole screaming about it like a girl, Egderp." Dave rolled his eyes, "I'm just looking forward to a proper Christmas dinner, yo. Bro usually gives me shitty ramen and says that's my gourmet meal right there. Asshole."

"Dad said he's cooking a roast for everyone." Jade offered cheerfully, and John had a slight weird pang at _her_ calling him Dad, because she coming back with them and that felt kind of weird? "I've never had a roast dinner before! Not that I can remember. I sort of just cook my food until it's edible, I don't really worry about all this fancy stuff people do over here!"

"Well Dad is the best at cooking!" John said proudly, before frowning. "But I bet there's cake! Bluuuuuh. He always sneaks it in somehow!"

"Holy shit, John, your Dad's cake are amazing, shut the fuck up. I could seriously eat those things forever." Dave! _Traitor!_ John glared at him. "Look I don't care what weird shit you got with Betty Crocker, man, your Dad can come cook for me if you want, I would stuff myself stupid every day."

"Stupid Batterwitch. She has her fingers-"

"-in all the pies, we've heard this one before, Egbert."

"CHRERRY MISTMAS!" Mom slurred loudly from the stairway, and Rose quietly put a hand over her face as they all looked around. "Wait, no, fuck! Merry Christmas! That one. That's what I meant. Heyo babies! Mumma Rox is here now you may begin the fun times!" She staggered gracefully down, wearing a long red dress edged with white fluff, drinking sherry from her cocktail glass. "C'mon, I want presents! Everyone get yo asses to my tree!"

The group assembled around them, and John smiled broadly as he looked around at his friends, and Dad and Mom and Jane and-

His smile faltered as English sat practically in Bro's lap. Stupid English. He could go away, yes he could. Bro totally didn't need some stupid idiot hanging around him and acting all interested! Hmmmph!

"John, focus on the presents, man. The presents." Dave said right by his ear, and he jumped, laughing nervously as his heart settled. "Jeez, calm down, dumbass. Come on, start with this fucking awesome thing right here, this one's from me."

Dave had got him a box set of practically every Nicholas Cage film _ever_ and John let out a stupid girly squeal when he opened it, reading out the titles in a gradually more rapid, thrilled tone. He hugged Dave tightly, which made the coolkid blush and grin back. He promised to make Dave watch every single one, which made the grin evaporate and brought forth a stream of complaints about turning a well meant gift into a torture device.

John's presents to everyone were films he thought they'd actually like, and the approving nod he got from Dave at The Wizard ( _dude it's so shit it's ironically genius_ ) and from Dad at Casablanca and from Bro at the Muppets was enough he knew he'd done good. He beamed.

Rose had given everyone both a book and a lovingly crafted poem in French John read through with a bemused expression, wishing he knew enough to understand it. Luckily the book was in English! His one was The Neverending Story, and he thanked her for it, as Dave complained about his copy of War & Peace. "I'm trying to broaden your horizons." Rose explained, smirking at him. "John and Jade liked my choices for them. Nonethless...it's not a surprise. I was aware you would not read it, Dave."

"Whoa, why wouldn't I read it?"

"It's rather...above your level, isn't it?"

"Hey, screw you! I'm gonna read this shit and enjoy every fucking page of it, Lalonde!"

John stared in awe as Rose smiled, eyes sparkling, Dave already opening it and looking over the first page. She was really sneaky sometimes!

Jade had given them all those weird Squiddle things in designs to look like them, so John had a sky blue one with glasses and tiny buck teeth. He giggled a little nervously at it as Rose admired her purple, black-lipsticked toy, slightly perturbed for reasons just beyond his grasp. Wow, these things were cute but really freaky. At least Dave's one looked cool, with shades and a flat line instead of a smile! He still thanked her, then set it to one side, turning it casually so it wasn't staring at him.

Unfortunately that meant his and Dave's shook and snapped together into a horribly sexual mess of limbs, and with a squeak he spent the next ten minutes desperately trying to pry them apart.

Dad and Mom had given him a fancy laptop with a camera and that was great! He thanked them over and over, and Dad pat his head and told him he deserved a better way to keep in touch with all his friends, inevitably followed by an expression of pride. Mom just winked, and he knew that was basically her saying the same thing. Jane had cooked everyone a cupcake, and he regarded his glittery blue one with wary suspicion, mumbling a less ecstatic thanks and placing it back into the box, determined to take a hammer to it later.

English apologised about not getting everyone presents, but he hadn't really know what the kids would want! John was pleased to have a reason to dislike him until he offered them all gun lessons and Dad choked on his pipe as Dave abruptly agreed _yes, hell yes, hell fucking yes_ on behalf of the group. The reason was gone. John grumbled as Dave and Jade high-fived.

Bro's presents were last, as Dave had _clearly_ been avoiding giving them out. He picked up his own first, freezing as it squeaked.

"Oh my God, Bro. Bro, no."

"Open your present, Davey." Bro replied sweetly, and Dave huddled to try to hide it, giving a nervous yelp as Jade forced him to show them.

It was one of the weird puppets on Bro's sweater, but with red glasses, a bob of hair and a fanged smile beneath its long nose. Rose burst out laughing, as did Mom, who leaned over and punched Bro's shoulder where he was simply giving an amused smirk.

"Oh holy shit, every time I look at Rez I'm going to see this thing you fucking asshole why would you do that to me? _Why?_ "

"You're welcome."

"Fuck you!"

"Awww, I love you too lil man."

Dave shoved it back in the wrapping and practically threw it away from himself before handing out more of the golden parcels, thankfully all different shapes, although John didn't know why Dave was freaking out so much about a puppet. Dave paused and then shoved two at John, glaring at Bro and muttering, "Oh, so _he_ gets two?"

"Maybe when we get back I'll let you take your chick somewhere nice."

"You better, douchebag."

John giggled and looked down at the heavy parcels, instantly recognising the large shape of one and quickly unwrapping it. He exposed the handle first, smile widening as he tore into the rest of the paper and then seized it with both hands, hefting it and hearing his father once more start coughing on his own pipe. _A warhammer_! An actual, huge warhammer, with a stripy handle and a broad flat head, heavy but feeling comfortable in his hands. He pushed the other gift to the floor and stood, giving it a few experimental swings that nearly sent him off balance and catching Dad leaning over and muttering to Bro about them needing a _talk_.

"Wow! I can actually train properly now!" John span with it, then swept it up to his shoulder with a heavy thud, grinning at Bro. "This is so _cool_!"

"John, put that away before someone gets hurt." His father commanded strictly as Bro nodded approval to John's response. With an overdramatic sigh he allocated it to his Strife Deck, glad he'd left his other hammer at home. The last thing he needed was to eject that at someone's face! Dad settled a little, but he still look annoyed. Oh well! He wasn't getting that hammer off John now, nope, that hammer was his forever, no matter how ridiculous it looked.

The second present beckoned him, so he dropped back down and grabbed it, opening it up as Rose leant back to thank Bro for her new dictaphone. Dave was still complaining about the fact everyone else had got awesome presents and he'd got a smuppet, which John guessed was what that weird puppet thing was called? Whatever! Dave got _Bro_ all the time, wasn't that enough to make it up to him?

The smaller present was a metronome. It was just plain black with a silver needle, but there was a handwritten note tucked into the paper with it, just saying keep playing, kid, someday you'll go far. John's smile dropped as that excited flutter in his chest grew _painfully_ strong, his eyes stinging like he was going to cry. He quickly blinked the feeling away, managing to force a smile as he looked up and mumbled another thank you. Bro nodded back, eyes warm.

While everyone else was distracted with looking through their gifts, he set the box down, gently setting it ticking and watching it with a growing, honest, fond smile.

"Errybody, I wanna eat!" Mom announced, still playing with the big silky fur scarf Dad had given her. "Dinner times, k?"

The rush started straight away, but John hung back until the bar he was counting finished, gently catching the needle to still it and folding the note up into his pocket, keeping the precious thing as safe as he possibly could.

.:.

Lunch lasted an eternity, and when John tried to abscond before dessert Jade and Dave both tackled him back into his seat, leaving him complaining bitterly at the cake that was placed before him.

"Please don't tell me this is Betty Crocker!" He mumbled at his Dad, and it caught him off guard when Jane spoke from across the table.

"...What's wrong with Betty Crocker?"

"A lot! Sugary vile Batterwitch. The things I would say to that woman if I ever met her."

Dad coughed, Mom snorted into her drink, and Jane leant forward across the table, her innocent smile suddenly as scary as Mom's could be.

"Well then! Please, go on. You have the head of the Corporation's _full_ attention."

John stared, letting her words settle in his mind, then narrowed his eyes. "... _you _."__

"Me." She replied, holding his gaze.

Everyone else was setting about pudding, but he was too transfixed, even after Jane finally sat back and started eating quietly, pointedly taking a large slice of cake.

He had been wrong about her for a second time.

She wasn't just a _baker_.

She was his _nemesis_.

.:.

Charades seemed like a great idea when they started. Unfortunately the Striders seemed to communicate on some psychic level using references no one else understood, English assumed everyone would get all of the same references he and John did, and Rose and Mom seemed to turn their turns into some sort of passive aggressive battle of one-upmanship.

Eventually Jade loudly suggested they should just play Pictionary. That went well until Dave's turn.

Scrabble was vetoed by everyone except Rose and Bro.

Musical chairs ended abruptly when Bro somehow managed to stack and sit on all the chairs at once.

In the end they just sat and watched It's A Wonderful Life after Jade admitted to never having seen it, and though Dad ground his teeth when Dave and Bro started dubbing over it, John decided Jade probably got a better version of the film than most people ever would.

.:.

Somehow the day was already over, and that wasn't fair! John was having too much fun to go to bed, practising swinging his new hammer as he ran around the couch Dave was sat on determinedly reading his book with a serious expression, and Rose and Jade were both sitting on talking happily about the day, Rose psychoanalyising everyone's choices of gifts between idle chatter. Dad had taken Bro off for a 'talk between responsible adults' ( _why's he taking Bro then_ Dave had observed) and when at last they returned he announced it was time for everyone to head to bed. John groaned loudly.

"But _Daaaaad-_!"

"No buts, John. It has been a long day and everyone requires adequate rest. I hope you have had a good Christmas, son."

"It was great! I've never had so much fun ever!"

"I'm glad." He smiled fondly, patting John's shoulder and giving it a quick squeeze. "Now please, go to bed, so you can be up bright and early and enjoy another day with your friends tomorrow."

Reluctantly, they exchanged goodnights, and John was still beaming as he skipped back to his room, hammer now away and his other presents all bundled up in his hands. He dropped them on his bed, quickly, darting back to the door in time to jump out and cuddle Bro from behind.

"...Night, John. Merry Christmas."

"Goodnight." John let him go, smiling up when Bro looked back at him, then going bright red when the Strider leant down and gave him a peck on his lips, vanishing into his room a second later. Another goodnight kiss! John jittered in place. Was he going to get one every night? He _really_ hoped so!

He giggled and shut his door this time, collapsing onto his bed and remembering he had one last goodnight to say as he pulled the glasses from his sweater and slid them back onto his face.

> Um John, that was the greatest thing I have done in my digital life.  
> I'd forgotten how great the rest of the world looks.  
> Beats the shit out of some stupid fucking box shoved in some dark closet, let my fucking tell you.  
> Plus I mean, that was some fine ass you kept glaring at murderously, get me that guy's number, hell yes I would tap that.  
> If I still had a dick.  
> I wish I still had a dick.  
> Consider my Christmas made. I was Scrooge and you were all, hey Dirk, let's get you smiling and singing carols like a fool.  
> But damn, boy, I am singing now, singing at the top of my hypothetical lungs.  
> Fuck yes, Christmas.  
> I preemptively take back every put down I had already calculated for use in coversation with you.  
> Um John, you are a beautiful human being.  
> I'd missed space, and freedom, and human interaction around me.  
> And  
> I think  
> I'd missed Roxy.  
> And I'd missed Dave.  
> And though I didn't get to talk to them, I know they're okay.  
> That right there is the best Christmas present you ever could've given me.  
> I owe you one, dude.  
> Someday I'll pay that back.

"...then, I'm glad I took you out! You're welcome, Dirk." John yawned, sleepily adjusting with the glasses still on his face. "...Merry Christmas..."

> Merry Christmas to all, bro.  
> And to you, kid, a good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY so a sort of fast forward next.
> 
> BECAUSE ABOUT TWENTY CHAPTERS JUST ON THIS LITTLE BIT WHAT AM I EVEN DOING.
> 
> Edit: Super I'm sorry I cut some of the AR scenes to happen at New Year because it will make way more sense then, I'm sorry I accidentally lied to you ;;-;;


	29. ==> Bro: Fast Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next chapter is the last in the arc and will contain quite a bit of plot.
> 
> This chapter is more plot than fluff, I'm sorry, it has to happens sometimes!

The next week breezed past.

Most of his time was spent on the couch, between Jake and John, as they apparently decided to watch every movie they'd been jointly bought all in one week. Jake would sling an arm over his shoulder and sit pressed flush to him, stealing kisses and making suggestive comments when John was called away.

Bro hated to admit it, given he'd only really considered Jake a distraction at first, but he was kind of...growing on him. Even though he was a complete, oblivious idiot, he had this weird sort of innocent charm about him, and every time he did that stupid double pistols and a wink thing it made him almost smile. They were bonding over fighting techniques and stupid films and the fact the moment Jake caught a faint hint that Bro liked technology he was fascinated by anything he could get Bro to tell him on the topic.

They agreed to talk more often after the trip was over, and at the very least, Bro guessed that that douche with the yacht was more firmly back on his list of friends.

John came back once to them kissing, and then promptly absconded the fuck away before Bro could stop him. The look on the kid's face before he left _hurt._

He began to remember no matter how cosy things had started to feel, there were _reasons_ he had wanted to get over the John thing.

Three days after Christmas Jake got drunk on whiskey with him and openly decided to solicit something more than kissing. He hadn't realised how desperately he needed it until it was happening, but in the afterglow he fell asleep relaxed and at ease.

He woke up the next morning feeling satisfied but guilty as hell.

John asked where he'd been, so he told the truth, said with Jake. He didn't see the kid for the rest of the day.

On the fifth day Jake mentioned in passing about an old project Bro was totally sure he hadn't mentioned. Apparently they'd spoken about it on Pesterchum the night before, which was _fascinating_ as he couldn't remember having that conversation _at all_. He excused himself just after and stormed to his room, shoving on the shades on the desk and stopping because they were _only shades._

TT: Where the fuck are you?   
> Enjoying my freedom. You had abandoned me on a desk, Bro, I was bound to get bored.   
TT: You couldn't just fucking walk off alone!   
> I didn't. My kawaii steed carried me off into the sunset.   
TT: John.   
TT: At least I know where you are now.   
TT: So what the fuck is up with talking to Jake, Dirk?   
> You designed me to be your Auto Responder. I am automatically responding.   
TT: Bullshit.   
> He is attractive to me. I know our mental processes well enough to know you are only using him to distract yourself from Um John, which is an incredibly cruel thing to do to both of them.   
> I, on the other hand, am still sane enough to have no interest in John, and actually see Jake as a real romantic prospect.   
TT: Dirk you are a pair of fucking glasses.   
TT: No, you're not even that, you're just fucking code!   
TT: You can't be romantically attracted to anyone, let alone think you can actually see anyone as a VIABLE romantic option!   
> ...   
> He likes me.   
TT: He likes ME you idiot, he thinks YOU are ME.   
> You are hurting me, Bro.   
TT: Dirk you're just a program! You can't BE hurt!   
> ...   
> Okay.   
> You're right.   
> Stupid me.   
> I'm just a machine.   
> Clearly I have some errors in my code to allow me to draw such an illogical conclusion. I will isolate and remove them for you.

Dirk had signed off before Bro could actually come to his sense and stop him, and he spent the next few hours trying to avoid facing the fact that when he had thought Dirk was talking to Jake he had been...

Well. Jealous.

For someone who was just meant to be a fucking temporary relief, he was starting to give way too many fucks about his growing relationship with Jake.

On the sixth day, it was New Years Eve, and in the morning Jake cornered him and asked if they were going to continue meeting up once they headed home. After all, he had a Uranium powered devilbeast to transport him and a lot of free time, he reasoned, and he'd found himself growing rather fond of their time together.

Bro agreed and then that was that, and he didn't realise what a stupid mess he was letting his love life descend into until the fourteen year old kid he was trying not to be interested him grabbed him and demanded to know if Jake was his boyfriend now, and then look heartbroken when he answered he guessed he was. John left him, and he glumly sat on the couch alone for the first time as Jake rounded the kids up for the promised time on the firing range, pulling out his phone when it buzzed.

> I am yet to delete those issues with my code.   
> So in keeping with my ongoing irrational behaviour I have a proposition for you.   
> There is a human tradition that at the stroke of midnight you should share some romantic embrace.   
> Don't lie to yourself.   
> Make sure you're with the right person.   
> I'll cover for you with the other.

Bro frowned and put it away without reply.

Dirk knew him too well to actually need or expect an answer.

.:.

He sat for a long time arguing with his own mind. Eventually he tugged his phone back out.

TT: Midnight, my room. Don't be late.

Bro turned off his phone before he could get a reply.

.:.

GT: Strider! Where are you chum? Everyone else is having quite the party in here!   
GT: You arent being a curmudgeonly old recluse again are you?   
GT: I was rather hoping our earlier discussion might put pay to that!   
GT: Dont make me come and drag you out here by the scruff of you neck chap!   
GT: I was rather hoping we would be sharing the moment at midnight if you catch my drift.   
TT: Sorry, bro, the only thing I'm sharing a moment with right now is the returning contents of my stomach.   
TT: Let me tell you, it tasted way fucking better going down that it did coming up.   
GT: Oh gosh darnit i was looking forward to tonight!   
GT: Would you like some company to ease yours ills?   
TT: Nah, I got this. You enjoy your night. I'll stick around on chat for you, though, so you better know I'm expecting some damn fine digital kissing, Jake.   
GT: An unconventional midnight embrace but we make the most of our means one supposes!   
GT: I will try my hardest to live up to your no doubt staggering expectations strider.   
TT: I have no doubt it will be the best kiss I've even had.   
TT: And I told you, Jake.   
TT: On here, just call me Dirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! More stealth relationship tags! Hands up if you saw this one coming.


	30. ==> John: Sneak Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has been feeling terrible lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I skip a little here because I didn't want to dwell on everyone saying goodbye? Just imagine it was all really touching and stuff. Yeah. It totally was.

He didn't really have to sneak in the end, because everyone was too distracted by drinking and the loud television blaring celebration at them, and only English was sat away a little but he was focused intently on his phone with a smile on his face.

So John more sort of casually sauntered into the corridor, stopping outside Bro's room and taking a deep breath to stay calm.

He was a mess right now. Things had been going great, with Bro! He'd started to think maybe...maybe Bro even liked him back, a little? The way he smiled at him and was so nice to him and gave him little goodnight kisses.

But then English was getting all of that and more, and now they were _boyfriends._ For someone who had been pretty convinced he didn't even like guys, John was really upset by that, and after Bro had told him he'd gone and hidden in his room and cried. It was so stupid! Even though he was older and it totally wasn't something that would happen, John has still started to read things into all the things Bro did around him, convinced himself there was something more there.

But now he knew there wasn't.

It made him feel sort of so upset he felt sick.

For a few minutes, John just stared at the door nervously, running his hands over one another. Then at last he raised a hand and knocked, blushing as the door opened and Bro looked down at him.

"Hey, kid." He ruffled John's hair but the younger boy dropped his face, the word stinging a lot more than it had done before. That's all he was, a kid, a stupid kid who liked a grown up. "Gonna come in or what?"

"I thought you'd be with English." John replied truthfully, looking up and searching Bro's eyes for the reason why he'd been called here. Bro averted his gaze near instantly, shrugging half-heartedly.

"Yeah, well...so did I."

It had an odd tone to it, and Bro gestured him in, John moving and sitting on his bed. "You had a good day downstairs?"

"It was kinda cool. Jade and Dave were better at it than me. Rose was like an expert." John mumbled it all downwards, hands twisting into the duvet cover, pulling it tight around his fingers. "English wasn't that bad, I guess."

"Jake's pretty cool."

That stung, to hear Bro defend him at all. John shrugged dismissively. "I guess." He repeated, voice softer.

The bed creaked and dipped with Bro's weight beside him, a gloved hand lightly touching his arm. He leant into it without realising, then quickly shifted as soon as he noticed to pull back away. If Bro knew how it made John feel when he touched him, he wouldn't do it! It made the flutter worse, the ever-present flutter, his heart quickening like he'd started to sprint.

"John." Bro said finally, sadly. "I'm way too old for you."

_Oh God._

His heart stopped dead for a second, because Bro wasn't meant to bring this up! They weren't meant to talk about this! Talking about this meant a no, which meant John wouldn't have any stupid hopes to cling to, which meant sitting listening to romance songs and crying into a tub of ice-cream, from what little television had taught him about romance. Or was that only if you were actually dating? Dating like English and Bro. John's throat tightened sharply.

Distantly through the walls he could hear them chanting down the New Year, and he swallowed, because great! His year was going to start with him practically crying because his crush was rejecting him! Go him! Go life!

"...Fuck, kid." Bro's hand was on his face and John couldn't stop the shiver the shot down him, chasing the warm frisson down his spine, and he just need Bro to stop _doing_ that because it felt so _nice_ and it made him think stupid things and that was going to make all of this hurt more. "I really wish I wasn't, John. You have no idea how much I want..."

Wait. What?

He looked up and heard an eruption of noise, the whole world vanishing into nothingness as Bro grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up into a _kiss._

He'd thought the first kiss they'd shared was what proper kisses were like, but...

Wow. He'd been so _wrong_.

Bro caught him off guard so his mouth was a little open, and the kiss wasn't just pressure this time, it was smaller, slow motions which left their lips stroking together each time Bro pulled back enough to dart forward again. John locked up, for a second, unsure what to do, but the one thing he quickly became sure of was this felt _really_ good, so he tried to relax and began copying the motions enough that it was like it broke, shattering into lots of small, quick embraces, where their mouths met open and pulled out to soft kisses like he was used to planting on cheeks. Bro's hands slid to his sides and held him, gently, and after a second of helplessly flailing them in his rough direction John finally just grasped Bro's cheeks with his own hands, light, rough stubble brushing his palms and chin with each bob forward of his head.

His mind was spinning, his heart was pounding, the electric rush of their first kiss under the mistletoe rushing back tenfold and leaving his toes curling in his shoes as he closed his eyes tightly and focused on memorising the warmth of Bro's hands and the way his lips felt and the sensation of him breathing out quick, shallow breaths that washed over John's face and the heady smell of whiskey and cologne and soap that surrounded him when they were this close. John needed to remember every detail of this, because it might be the only time. Then at least when he thought back he could have the one, glorious moment it was easy to pretend he had something he never actually would.

The small kisses grew slower, longer, until with a final, gentle touch of their lips Bro tilted his forehead against John's and panted quietly, squeezing his sides as the boy numbly opened his eyes.

Gold and sky stared at one another in silence as their breaths calmed, and their hearts slowed, and then Bro cracked a weak grin, reaching up and running a hand back over John's hair in a slower, tender way.

"Happy New Year, kid." He murmured, and John just nodded, and held him there, and wished once more that he never ever had to let go.

.:.

He fell asleep in Bro's bed. He woke up in his own, the glasses resting on his bedside table now simply just shades once again.

.:.

John felt like the days were slipping through his fingers after that. He spent all the time he could with all his friends, and they all promised to try and meet up again. Now Jade would be staying and Dad and Mom would want to visit each other, it was just a matter of getting Dave there too, and Jade pointed out with Bec that wouldn't be so hard, even if Dave didn't like the idea of the 'Devilbeast' being anywhere near him. John was excited, still, by the thought of having company at home and about the four of them spending more time together. His friends were the greatest, each and every one of them.

Bro didn't really spend much more time with him, but John found he was content to watch from a distance now. They would message each other all the time, he knew now that wasn't going to change, and no matter how much of Bro English got, John knew now there was a part of the Texan that was his, no matter how small. Hope burned brighter in him than it had before. Someday, things would be different. Someday that possibly... _probably_ mutual crush might be more.

It was enough of a light at the end of the tunnel he didn't have to fake a single smile again for the whole rest of the trip.

.:.

Dave took him aside on the day they finally left, while everyone else was sharing farewells and packing bags into respective cars.

"Egbert. Find someone else. Move on. Promise me, okay?"

"I promise, Dave."

They both knew his fingers were crossed. Dave just rolled his eyes and didn't bother asking him to promise again.

.:.

He only realised on the plane Bro's glasses were still hanging on his sweater, and then he smiled and toyed with them for the whole flight, all the time Jade was babbling about how great flying was, and squealing excitedly at every new thing Dad told her about her new home.

.:.

"Wow! John, your house is so cool!" Jade pressed herself to the car window like a dog desperate for air, staring out at the suburban home the taxi was pulling up to like it was a mythical city of gold. John laughed, and she blew a raspberry at him, sitting back in her seat and clapping. "This is going to be amazing! Bec can help me move my things and you can help me do my room and...gosh, John, I'm so excited!"

"I know! We're gonna have so much, Jade! It's just going to be the best!"

"Yes! You can show me around and tell me how everything works, and then you can introduce me to your neighbours."

"I don't really...well I never even really see my neighbours! I've heard Dad talking about Doctor Brinner next door, but I've never met any of them..."

"Well what about that kid with the sign?"

John undid his seatbelt now they'd stopped moving, looking out of the back window where Jade was pointing as Dad counted out the exact change for the fare. The house beside his did indeed have a figure outside it, a dark skinned boy buried thick in scarves and a big coat and big boots that hid most of him and told John instantly he wasn't from nearby. The only thing visible really was his eyes, above the highest scarf, and the messy mop of black hair surrounding his head. He did indeed have a sign on a stick under his arms; a colourful board declaring SOLD in big, bold letters.

"I think he's new!" John offered quickly, excited to see anyone of interest on his dull, dull street. "Dad, we have new neighbours! Can I go say hello?"

"Oh that will be Mister Slick having finally moved in! He bought that house about a month and a half ago." Dad glanced over at it in the side mirror, hesitated, and then seeming to remember his new policy about giving John space, he smiled a little apprehensively and nodded. "Be nice, son. Be careful."

John grinned and leapt out of the car, waving emphatically at his neighbour and getting the smallest wave ever in return. It was enough of an invitation that he strode over as Jade no doubt struggled with her seatbelt again (they had really confused her so far) and stuck out a hand to shake at the boundary between their yards.

They gave his hand a look, like it was a venomous snake, shifting the sign and then shaking it slowly with a mittened hand, looking him up and down in disbelief like they weren't sure how he was surviving the cold.

"Hi! I'm John!"

The look of disbelief shifted to one of slight irritated contempt and settled on his face. They rolled their eyes at him, and he frowned. "...uh, dude, this is where you say, 'hi, I'm whatever'!"

A mittened hand was held up to him and shifted as they clearly swore, then gestured to the scarves and down at the snow, muffled speech lost in the thick fabric.

"It's not _that_ cold! Can't you even pull them down long to spit out your name?" There was a strong shake of his head. "Ugh! Whatever. Hi, neighbour who can't stand a tiny bit of cold! It's nice to meet you, even if you have so far basically just sworn at me!"

That got him a raised eyebrow, and the sign shifted again.

"Despite that introduction, I think we should totally be friends!"

He didn't know exactly what he'd said, but their eyes sort of widened in a really cute way, like he'd startled a puppy or something. Abruptly they actually reached for their scarves, and his smile widened, until abruptly they froze when the door slammed open behind them.

"HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO TAKE DOWN A FUCKING SIGN! Jesus fucking Christ get your ass in here sometime this week, you little fuckup." The man in the crisp black suit who had stalked out dropped his cigarette and crushed it under his shoe, looking up at John with a scarred face that shared the boy's complexion and dark eyes and instantly sneering. "You Egbert's kid?"

"Um-"

"Your old man ain't so bad." He continued without pausing, then his attention snapped to John's other new neighbour, "Get the fuck back in here, kid, this fucking house won't set up itself!"

Like that he was back inside, and John sighed as the boy followed him without hesitation, disappearing with the door slamming behind him. So much for that introduction! He didn't think he liked Mister Slick very much, if that was who the older man was.

He'd turned to trudge back to the car where Dad and Jade were unpacking bags when he heard the door open again behind him, and turned to a mittened hand thrusting a crumpled piece of paper at him, before the boy vanished yet again. John blinked, shrugged, and jogged back to help.

"That guy was really mean!" Jade observed when he reached them, and he nodded, frowning, "What was his kid like, John?"

"I don't know, he didn't really say much."

"Well at least we have each other! I'm sure once they're all settled he might be a bit nicer."

"I hope so." John replied earnestly, smoothing the paper out and then losing his feeling of disappointment to a spreading, excited smile.

  
MY HANDLE IS CARCINOGENETICIST.   
IF MY FUCKUP OF A FATHER IS GOING TO MAKE ME STAY IN THIS HELLHOLE I MAY AS WELL TAKE FUCKING PITY WHEN I'M OFFERED IT.   
SO HELLO JOHN.   
MY NAME IS KARKAT.   
LET'S BE FUCKING FRIENDS.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ==> End of Arc One
> 
> YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL AND I LOVE WRITING FOR YOU. Nine days, thirty chapters, 50k+ words, all for you lovely people.
> 
> I'm having so much fucking fun!
> 
> So what do we think so far you guys?


	31. ==> John: Have A Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One month later, there's tapping on his window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ==> Begin Arc 2
> 
> Ladies and gentlemen, Karkat fucking Vantas.

When John went to bed now, he didn't bother trying to sleep. He lay awake, staring at his ceiling, listening to Jade start snoring in the room beside him and Dad's door shut and lock an hour or so after she did. His old habit of chatting until the early hours had faded, in the past month, and he always signed off at ten, exactly when Dad told him too, except for Fridays when he would stay up to stream movies with Dave and Bro...and English. Stupid English being at their apartment all the time. Stupid Bro for letting him in.

Jade had settled pretty quickly, although she still needed to reminded of personal space a lot! John had though he was a hug person, but Jade was _mad_ about them, sneak attacking him at every opportunity to hoist him up in her arms and snuggle him like a doll. It was sort of nice, having company and attention, but he'd never been so glad of being able to retreat to his room as he was on the days she got really, really clingy. Dad said it would wear off, and was a natural reaction to having new people around her for the first time in years, so John just hoped he was right! But having Jade around had been great. They would laugh and play games and watch films and talk endlessly about everything, and now Dad had started taking driving lessons pretty soon they'd be able to travel more often too, because the one-a-week trips to the mall Dad was breaking them in with were amazing! All those people! All the bright colours and shops and places to go and things to do! And _fast food!_ He'd never had anything but Dad's cooking and Mom's catering before, but _wow._ He didn't know terrible food could taste so good. It was just so cool, all the things he was seeing and trying and doing. Both of them were having the time of their lives.

He was back to being taught lessons, and now there were two of them Dad had turned part of the lounge into a little classroom for them to do their lessons in, which John didn't mind at all. Jade found everything fascinating and was really bright for someone who'd lived all alone so long, and having her around was helping him focus and get interested in what he was taught a lot more than Dad on his own had even done. They would get up, share a large breakfast, and bound to the classroom each weekday as John tried to duck and dodge the inevitable attempts at cuddles, before settling in and sitting, rapt, as Dad searched around for his books and the lesson began.

The only downside about Jade was Bec! The stupid dog kept appearing out of nowhere when John least expected it, and vanishing before he could prove to Dad that Bec could appear and disappear at all. Dad was starting to look a little worried when John brought it up, so in the end he just turned to sharing his resentment of the Devilbeast with Bro and Dave, who both sympathised completely because apparently Bec liked bothering them when Jake was there, too. Bro really, really didn't like him, and John could see why. He always got the weird feeling something was wrong with that dog, more than just the weird powers; of course with Jade always there to leap to Bec's defence, he'd never really got a chance to find out.

None of that was why he stayed up in bed, though.

He stayed up in bed listening for the soft tapping at his window that always came just after silence had fallen, and the rest of the house was asleep.

John slid out of bed when it started tonight, opening his window fully and then passing a blanket and a bowl of stealthily procured chips up into the waiting hands that pulled them out of view. He carefully followed a moment later, climbing out onto his windowsill and trying hard not to look down as he reached up to the edge of the gutter and the same hands took his wrists and helped him up onto the slanted roof with a little bit of scrabbling, leaving him leaning against it and grinning up at the brown-red eyes that glared back above an ever-present, bright red scarf.

"Hi, Karkat!"

"Shut the fuck up and climb, John." He replied gruffly, voice muffled by the fabric. That was pretty much as close to a friendly hello as he ever gave, so John's smile didn't dim at all, and in fact his smile widened at the fact he was actually being spoken to. Somedays Karkat just gave him looks to decipher, which years of knowing Dave had got him pretty good at, but he really liked hearing the other boy speak. He had a mixed up accent from moving around so much, but John just thought it was unique, and very _him._

And anything _him_ was fine by John.

He carefully followed Karkat up to the ridge of the roof, where they sat side by side with the blanket around their shoulders and the bowl in Karkat's lap. John smiled as Karkat's furrowed brows relaxed and his gaze turned to the sky, and he let his eyes follow, moving to look up at the stars.

It had taken a while, to figure out how to get Karkat to let him in. He was determined to make them friends as soon as he had first been given that hastily a scribbled greeting, but to start with he'd just had no luck at all. Then a chance comment about not understanding astronomy at all, and that night he got a tap on his window, and had a frantic hissed conversation with the boy leaning over the edge of his roof that somehow led to him being coaxed out, and up here, and Karkat telling him to shut the fuck up and listen because his actual education was about to begin.

Now, every night, he came up here, and Karkat sat and showed him the stars.

His short fingers traced the shapes he was describing with fondness, and the usually silent, moody boy started pouring out facts and legends all about the stars and constellations, and beautiful descriptions of the galaxies and cosmic clouds too distant to perceive that lay hidden amongst them. Sometimes after John would start talking about other things, and so Karkat had gradually begun to talk to him about more than just the lessons, telling John more about Mister Slick (who he just called Stabdad, although he wouldn't explain why), a travelling businessman in something or other who travelled a lot and made them move often, and more about himself, though he insisted there wasn't much to tell. Karkat dabbled in programming and loved movies, though none of the ones John spouted at him seemed to interest him, and he had a best friend who lived in California called Sollux who he always mentioned in passing and never dwelt on, and a Step-Mom he literally described as _bluh bluh huge bitch_ and said never really visited home. On his best nights, he would talk about the places he'd been, and it sounded like he'd lived in a lot of awesome places! From a boat moored in a tropical harbour he couldn't pronounce before they moved to the States, to a fancy high rise in Manhattan they lived the highlife in, to a converted missile silo he didn't even really know the location of, beyond it being _under some godforsaken fucking field._

Tonight when the lesson ended Karkat fell silent and looked at him expectantly, and John grinned broadly back.

"You're a way better teacher than Dad is!" He told him cheerfully. "He never makes any of this sound interesting. You make it all sound so cool and amazing!"

"That's because it fucking is, asswipe. It's the whole shitting universe, holy fuck how can anyone make that sound dull? I mean seriously, a cocksucking idiot would just have to tell you exactly what they saw and that would sound appealing! Look up, John, it's a dark velvet curtain shimmering black and purple and blue and dusted with diamonds that sparkle in the dark. That's just what's right in front of my fucking eyes, that's not even actually telling you what any of that really is! Holy fuck, your Dad makes that sound dull. How?"

"I don't know." John laughed, nudging his shoulder gently below the blanket, not enough to upset his balance. "But I've got you to set him right."

"And you are fucking blessed to have me here to save your precious shitting mind from his draining bullshit. I am practically your saviour, bow the fuck down."

Karkat nudged him back, eyes bright above his scarf, and it turned into soft shoving war, ending sharply when John wobbled backwards. Karkat rapidly grabbed his shoulders, pulling him in close to his side to steady him as John clung back. They both calmed down from the slight panic, and John instantly smiled, realising if he shut his eyes they were practically hugging.

Karkat didn't do hugs, he'd said so the first time John had tried, but see! Through a near death accidental prankster's gambit John had totally got a cuddle.

"Fucking dumbass." Karkat complained, pushing him away with a glare and the slightest hint of a blush above his scarf. "Try not to make me a murderer, stupid."

"I'll do my fucking best."

"Holy fuck it sounds wrong when you swear, don't do it, idiot."

John giggled, then shuffled back against him for warmth, grabbing a handful of chips and eating them as Karkat looked back at the sky.

"What's that one?" John tapped him and then pointed up at a line of stars, and Karkat turned his attention to it, the tenseness in his body fading as he raised a hand.

"Cassiopeia, idiot. I told you about her before."

"Would you tell me about her again?"

Karkat stared at him, and the red flush crept back above the wool, before his gaze snapped to the stars and John beamed.

"The seated queen." His companion began, not pulling away when John snuggled up to his side. He started to talk, barely swearing at all, and John smiled and followed the images his fingers and words painted, until the sun was creeping over the horizon and Karkat helped him back down to his window with a muffled but almost warm goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding some of his swearwords: human versions of his more anatomical Troll curses will show up, as best I can translate.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~I have Karkat's background fic to upload on my phone BUT THE STUPID THING DIED OMFG so you'll have to wait until it's charged for that.~~
> 
>  
> 
> Now on is Not Like That update time though, so only 2 backgrounds for you today, guys. There's a Dirk and Roxy one in the series if you haven't already noticed it, go check it out [Here!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/634363) I'll add the link to Karkat's as soon as it's up.
> 
> MORE SOON CHERUBS <3
> 
> EDIT: [HERE'S KARKAT](http://archiveofourown.org/works/634802). It's more a sort of chapter I couldn't fit into the flow of things, but it sort of explain his relationship with Slick. Enjoy!


	32. ==> Bro: Test It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile in Casa de Strider...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So while John and Karkat are off having their plot, Bro is going to have to deal with AR.
> 
> ENJOY.
> 
> Edit: 3000 HITS OH MY GOD THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A SMALL FIC TO APPEASE A FRIEND WHAT HAPPENED
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL <3

> Tell me it's ready.

"Okay, look, just give me a minute. I know you're excited but hold your fucking horses and let me work, Dirk."

> I'm sorry if I'm bothering you but holy shit I am pissing my metaphorical pants over here.  
> ...  
> ...  
> ...  
> Is it ready yet?

"No! It's been two minutes!"

> Oh.  
> ...  
> How about now?

Bro grimaced at his reflection through the dark glass. He'd never valued Dave's lack of overexcited bothering, at Christmas, or on Birthdays. Never actually considered what a weight off his shoulders it was. Not until this moment, at least.

"Dirk, you can _see_ I'm working on it, stop asking me if it's ready because we both know as soon as it is you're gonna jump the fuck in whether or not I want you to."

> I am aware, yes, I merely wish to express my excitement and as I do not currently have limbs to do so with I must settle for text.  
> You are nearing 98.45% completion. I am nearing my point of self destruction through sheer glee.  
> I can't believe you want me to contain this joy, I thought we'd decided I was going to be free as a fucking bird to spew my impossible emotions all over the place.  
> 99.2%  
> FUCK. YES.

"Could you at least wait until I've hooked it up?"

> No.

"...of course." Bro sighed exasperatedly, lowering his tools and gingerly sliding shut the gently curved panel he'd been tweaking. "Okay. You know the battery won't last long, right now, I've got a fuckload of work left. Basically the only bit that's done is the head, the body I just recycled from one of my sparring partners I had up in storage. It'll do for now as you're being an impatient dick, but it's not gonna do forever."

> I have long enough for an hour of nonstressful activities between charges from my initial calculations.  
> More than enough time to explore the apartment and my new capabilities while you work on completing me.

"Just...ground rules. Don't fuck with Dave. Don't mess with Jake."

> So messing with Dave and fucking with Jake is perfectly fine?  
> Fucking sweet.  
> I think I especially look forward to the latter.

"I dunno, maybe try to break him in gently to the whole, oh hi Jake, y'know the guy you think you're dating? There's two of us and one's a robot." Bro put his screwdriver between his teeth and settled the pearlescent white head he had recently finished on the darker neck of his old creation. He let it click fully into place after matching and connecting the relevant plugs and sockets, screwing it on a few times before leaning down and twisting in several pins to lie flat and hold tight. "Okay. This shit is ready for a test run, but I need you to go slow and try not to blow the fuck up."

> Understood. I will endeavour not to explode.  
> Following careful consideration, I doubt that would be a particularly enjoyable experience.  
> Transferring now.

Bro sat back and admired his handiwork as the lines of light set into the metal began flickering gold to red, one by one. He'd modelled it after his own figure, which was pretty fine if he had to say so, but there was a slimmer grace about it that he'd always found crept into his robotic creations. An elegance in the curves and forms that gave them a dainty beauty even in their practicality. The eyes that lit with bright sparks were more feline than his own, the mouth that experimentally moved more full. Little differences, minute distortions, but enough it was not a mirror but more an approximation, which he preferred by miles. The thought of a true doppelgänger perturbed him; the differences made them both unique in form, beyond just the materials they had been built from.

He watched critically as the dark fingers flexed, raising to experimentally touch and prod the finer metal that curved to cheekbones and a slim nose without the bumps and breaks. They rose to tug at the soft, synthetic hair he had carefully threaded through microholes in the metal, then dropped to rub the join of new to old below the chin.

"...voicebox readings suggest it is fully functional." He was informed, in a slow, tenor tone, run through with a deep bass hum. "Prior statement confirms it. I am in perfect working order, allowing for the limitations of the basic form. Permission to squeal and jump up and down in excitement like a young girl on Christmas day?"

"Please don't."

"I will contain the desperate desire to do so to the best of my abilities, but I make no concrete promises."

Bro shook his head, moving back to his desk and wiping his hands on a spare smuppet before he lifted his phone and checked the readings various sensors were streaming to it. Everything looked pretty solid so far. Considering how long it had been since he really did any work to this level, he found himself a little impressed. Clearly he still had it in him.

"Bro, I would like to try and walk, please steady me so I do not perform a predictable, and no doubt hilarious to your fickle mind, faceplant."

Dirk stood unsteadily and Bro obliged, holding one of his arms and placing a supporting hand on his back as his creation took a few, slow, uncertain steps. He felt a hell of a lot like he had the first time he helped Dave learn to ride a bike, and that brought enough parental pride bubbling up in him he actually wanted to murmur encouragement like a good father. That was quickly dismissed. Dirk certainly wasn't some young child trying to impress a guardian. This was actual fucking brilliance in motion, brilliance his gloved hands had built piece by tiny piece, a testament to what he could achieve when he really set about it.

If only he could actually be bothered to put as much effort in to more shit more often.

Dirk made a soft, excited electronic buzz as he reached the wall, turning and waving Bro away as he carefully tottered back to the bed alone, arms out for balance and feet practically moving heel to toe. He lowered himself carefully back to the bed, and Bro noticed the pronouns he was applying had altered. Already, the machine in front of him had become a _he_.

"This is incredible. Bro, I do not think all the lexicons I sample as part of my expansive vocabulary have enough superlatives to describe precisely how amazing this experience feels. I can touch. I can talk. I can move and hold and..." He fell silent, eerily glowing red eyes moving to look over his hands and body as his fingers followed the shapes of his muscles with enough reverence it was like a blind man trying to make out every inch of the form. "While I cannot physically feel I am aware your blueprints contained details to rectify that. I am sure once more adjustments have been made, this body will be a fitting vessel. We always were a perfectionist."

"Glad you like it. Maybe now I'll actually get some fucking sleep, without my phone buzzing every two fucking seconds for a progress report."

"Perhaps. I offer no assurances until the project's completion, of course."

"Of course." Bro rolled his eyes, then shrugged, spreading his hands around the room. "So. Your first hour of not being glasses, Dirk. So far, you've rambled and figured out how legs work. Good job! Any more interesting plans you wanna try or are we just playing the boring games today?"

Dirk considered that for a long time - long enough Bro knew he was _thinking_ , not calculating. In the end he looked up with his eyes a little dimmer, giving a small, careful nod.

"I think..." Dirk paused a moment, standing, and his voice altered so when he next spoke it was almost more nervous, "I think I would rather like to meet Dave."

Well there was a fucking terrible idea.

"Alright." Bro responded, burying his apprehensions, nodding Dirk out across the corridor to Dave's room and inwardly holding his breath as he waited for the fireworks to fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it wrong I see the Bro/AR dynamic here as father/son? As opposed to the really messed up relationship Dirk and Hal have...
> 
> Wait, of course not, I'm the author, silly me.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Jake/AR shippers of the world, unite!~~
> 
>  
> 
> Oh, if you've noticed any spelling mistakes in the last few chapters and BG fics, they were mostly written on my phone so apologies for that! I will comb through them and fix mistakes when I have a chance.


	33. ==> John: Pester Karkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has great news! Until something else hits him hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More people chilling together.
> 
> This chapter caused me trouble, but I needed it to happened for what comes next in this plot! Hope it reads okay.
> 
> Karkat's crush developed off screen because you're seeing it through the eyes of John, so here's what he actually sees.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 09:34am --

EB: karkat!!!  
EB: i have the best news ever, dude.  
EB: dad said you can totally stay! how awesome is that?  
EB: we can have a proper movie night and everything, he said we can have the whole front room all to ourselves!  
EB: this is going to be so great!  
EB: you can bring a film and we can choose one of mine, and sit up and watch them and sleep in sleeping bags right there downstairs like they do in tv shows!  
EB: um.  
EB: karkat?  
CG: SORRY I WAS SHOUTING AT THE FUCKING ASSHOLE TRYING TO READ OVER MY SHOULDER TO JUST FUCK OFF BACK TO WHATEVER PIT OF HELL HE COMES FROM.  
CG: THANK FUCK. I CAN ACTUALLY SPEND A NIGHT OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE!  
CG: WHEN CAN I COME?  
EB: whenever you want!  
EB: but be careful dude, dad's making cake, he could spring it on us at any time.  
EB: so when can i expect my movie date to show up? :)  
EB: wait oh my god i don't mean date!  
CG: JOHN, SHUT UP BEFORE YOU INEVITABLY SHOVEL YOURSELF DEEPER INTO THE SHITTY MIRE YOU ALMOST STEPPED IN.  
CG: I'M LEAVING NOW. TRY NOT TO WAIT AT THE DOOR LIKE A FUCKING LONELY PUPPY THIS TIME.

John waited beside the door and leapt to open it when the bell rang.

"Hi Karkat!"

"I told you not to wait by the door, fucknuts."

"When have I ever done anything you've told me, dude?" John pointed out, poking him in the front of his big puffy jacket, then swung aside. "Come in, come in! Dad's going to bring the sleeping bags down soon. You're sort of welcome anywhere downstairs, and the bathroom's just up there - oh, but if you see a big white dog, just tell it to go away, and watch out for Jade because she ninja hugs when you're least expecting it."

"Duly fucking noted. Anything else?"

"Just have fun! It'll be great."

Karkat shuffled in and stripped off his heavy coats, piling them and his boots by the door after John locked back up. He rarely actually got to see Karkat without them, but beneath all those layers was a short boy just on the right side of fit, with a little roundness to him and hair on his forearms where puberty was clearly taking hold. His voice was deep and slightly gruff without the scarf, but John's favourite thing was seeing the absolutely adorable little button nose he had, hidden under the fabric. He always wanted to beep it when he saw it. It was the cutest thing.

"Dad's upstairs just getting our sleeping things out of the attic and Jade is off with Bec watering her plants, so settle in and I'll get snacks or something! I'll take the floor, you can have the couch, knock yourself out!"

"John." Karkat grabbed his arm, and then awkwardly shoved a box at him, moving away to unpack as John blinked down at it and carried it into the kitchen with him. He didn't really question it, because Karkat was sort of...weird, sometimes? But he still always got caught off guard when there were the momentary flickers from aloof sweary Karkat to the flustered dork apparently hiding just below his surface.

He pulled out bowls and raided the fridge for snacks, carrying them out to the coffee table two at a time, watching Karkat focus resolutely on unpacking each time he did, until he returned and all that remained was the box, innocuous and plain red.

Well...Karkat had given it to him! He moved over and neatly slit the paper with a nail, peeling it off and opening the white box underneath.

There was a folded piece of paper, on top of a woven blue beaded bracelet, a dark blue run through with swirls of sky, similar to a dark red one John had seen slip out from under Karkat's jumper before. He picked it up and and smiled at it. Maybe it was like a friendship bracelet! That would he pretty cool.

Still toying with the pale wooden beads in one hand, he opened the note in the other, starting to read.

  
THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE DUMBEST FUCKING THING I'VE WRITTEN SO SORRY FOR THE BRAINCELLS YOU'RE ABOUT TO LOSE AFTER I WORKED SO HARD GIVING THEM TO YOU. I WAS TALKING TO SOLLUX AND HE MADE ME MAKE A SHITTY PROMISE AND THIS IS ME KEEPING IT BY WRITING THIS TO YOU RIGHT NOW WITH HIM WATCHING AND READING IT LIKE THE FUCKING TRUSTING ASSHOLE HE IS.   
UNLIKE THE FUCKUP FORCING MY HAND I KNOW THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA SO I'LL JUST FUCKING CLARIFY THAT NOW.   
I LIKE YOU.   
IN THE MOST PATHETIC HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH WAY.   
I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU FROM THE WORST SORT OF TEEN ROMANCE AND IT'S ONLY GETTING FUCKING WORSE BECAUSE YOU ARE INSUFFERABLY LIKEABLE. IF IT WASN'T SHITTINGLY OBVIOUS I DON'T SNEAK ABOUT ON ROOFTOPS TO LOOK AT THE STARS I DO IT TO SEE YOU. NOW READ THAT LAST SENTENCE AGAIN BECAUSE HOLY FUCK, JOHN, YOU'VE DONE IT. YOU'VE TURNED MY LIFE INTO SOME STUPID ROMANTIC COMEDY WHERE I'M CLIMBING OVER BUILDINGS TO GET TO MY FUCKING JULIET AT HER CRAP PLASTIC BALCONY.   
YOU ARE THE JULIET, JOHN. IT IS YOU.   
JADE PRETTY MUCH TOLD ME SHE DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE EVEN INTO GUYS SO I'M NOT EXPECTING MUCH BEYOND GETTING THIS OUT OF MY FUCKING SYSTEM, AND IF YOU COULD AVOID BEING A HOMOPHOBIC JACKASS ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING THAT WOULD BE GREAT TOO.   
AS I AM BEING FORCED TO THIS HUMILIATING LEVEL OF SCHOOLGIRL CONFESSION, I MADE YOU A BRACELET TO CEMENT WHAT I WILL GRUDGINGLY CALL OUR FRIENDSHIP IN THE TIME OLD TRADITION OF GIGGLING THIRD GRADERS. I HOPE YOU WILL WEAR IT WITH ONLY THE SLIGHTEST HINT OF CYNICISM AND MOCKERY.   
IF YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A SPEECH ON WHY IT WOULDN'T WORK, PLEASE FUCKING DON'T. I PRETTY MUCH KNOW ALL OF THEM BY HEART. JUST TEAR THIS UP AND CARRY ON BEING MY FRIEND, PLEASE. THAT'S ALL I REALLY WANT.   


Oh no.

_Oh no._

There was his New Year's resolution to be less oblivious gone out the window! John reread the letter and then folded it up, tucking it into his pocket next to the piece of paper that already permanently resided there. Karkat... _liked_ him. That felt sort of quick? But Karkat had said before he'd learnt to get everything out and over with quick because of how often he'd be moved before he'd get a chance to deal with it otherwise.

He felt the same, slightly disjointed sense of shock he had when Dave admitted ever having a crush on him. Holy shit, he was a guy magnet! That made two! Three if he counted Bro...which he totally did. Three guys.

That felt like a lot for someone who was still officially not interested in anything with a Y chromosome.

He shook his hands and paced, thoughts racing in a mess that wanted to spill out of his mouth in a verbal storm of nonsense. He had to just think things through! That was all! Dave was his best bro and had got over his crush pretty quickly by the sound of it, even if there had been that...that one tiny kiss. Bro...was a totally different issue! Karkat was becoming a great friend and maybe he _was_ kind of hot if John stopped to think about it (which he totally wasn't doing!) but that didn't mean anything! None of it did! Not the flutters or the queasiness or the way he wanted to punch himself in the face! He could just go out and tell Karkat so, tell him the truth, and then they could go back to being friends and...

John was losing control of his train of thought, which was veering off of his totally controlled course into wild territory of thinking about kisses and confession and hugs and laughing and rooftop snuggles and sort of not acknowledging the obvious way things had always felt and oh no, oh no, _oh no_ -!

He heard Karkat storm in and jumped, spinning to stare at him like a deer in fucking _floodlights._

"John? Fuck's sake, how long does it take to-"

"I'm gay."

Karkat shut up, and went bright red, and stared at him. John just gave a loud, nervous laugh. "...I mean...of course I am! Oh my God how have I take this long to just realise that's what all of that was! At the very least it isn't just girls, it can't be, because everyone who's ever actually made me feel anything exciting was a guy and...and...I even said to Dave I liked guys but I didn't listen to myself and it never sank in and oh my God, Karkat, how can I only just be taking all this in now? Oh my God." He looked at him. "Oh my God." His voice cracked. "What if Dad's mad at me?"

"...then he's a stupid fuck." Karkat answered sharply, seeming to snap out of his silent daze and rapidly moving close, hands up on John's shoulders. "Don't you dare get upset, John, I swear, if I'd know you'd end up upset I would've told Sol to fuck off, I just thought...I thought you'd shove it off and laugh, like you always do. Think it was a joke."

"Kar-"

"Take a deep breath. At some point, if you're fucking willing, we are going to actually talk about what you may or may not like, but right now isn't the time for that, okay?"

"Okay." John mumbled back, feeling his panic dim a little. It left a void, and into the space poured back everything else that had briefly been blown away. "...um...Kar-"

Karkat pressed a finger to his lips to silence him, then rubbed his shoulder, giving a firm but warm command. 

"Just shoosh and shut up, John, only movies now. Let's not have anymore fucking stupid drama today."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rambling "OH GOD" moment is based on a friend doing almost the same thing.
> 
> Short chapters to set up long ones, guys. AR and Dave next, then Karkat is about to teach John about the beautiful spectrum of sexual attraction.
> 
> But that's it for this burst! More starting from when I wake up, nothing else to do later...


	34. ==> Bro: Watch The Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk always wanted to meet Dave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LET TODAY'S UPDATES BEGIN.
> 
> The next chapter is quite long and is basically a Karkat lecture I hope will be both informative and adorable.
> 
> I really didn't want to break my pattern though, so have some short adoraDirk beforehand.

Dirk had refused help, staggering across to the door alone and leaning on the wall beside it once he reached it, looking down at his legs as though considering them carefully. Bro felt a little pity. He knew from his experiments over the years that walking on two legs was a lot harder than it looked, especially when you were having to try and calculate the figures constantly rather than just having the natural skill childhood gave humans. He'd been so proud when he managed to design his first bipedal sparring partner. Since then, his initial design had been perfected, but of course Dirk had refused any code to assist him. He wanted to learn on his own. He needed to do this himself.

Dirk flexed his fingers out before he folded them into a fist, raising a hand to knock.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Dave's chair audibly clattered to the floor as with a little misjudged strength Dirk's hand exploded through the wood, fingers quickly releasing in panic before he dragged it back through the hole. "BRO WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Great start." Bro smirked, leaning on his doorframe. The robot glared at him with vivid red eyes, hand still raised and open like he was afraid to touch anything else. "Davey's gonna flip his shit, kid."

"I thought that was well within his typical behaviour."

"Yeah, except punching through his door? He's gonna think I wanted a strife."

On cue Dave kicked his door open and swung his sword in an arc towards Dirk, who stumbled back and tripped over his inexperienced legs, ending up sprawled and looking down the blade as his eyes sparked and Bro saw light flash down his arms to dormant weapons systems bursting back into life.

He raised his fist threateningly, but Dave was already lowering the sword and staring, looking up to Bro in his own door and then back to the metal man on the floor.

His mouth opened and shut a few times, his head cocking sideways and his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Dirk had relaxed, dropping his hand to the floor, staring back, outwardly calm.

"It's a robot." Dave said finally, voice blank.

Bro sighed, catching the brightest part of Dirk's eyes flicking between them, revealing a little of the nervousness probably screaming through his circuitry. "...Yes he is."

"You built a fucking robot."

"Yes I did."

"You built a robot...that looks like you."

"Well done, Davey, you've got eyes."

"And you made it punch a hole in my door."

"I didn't make him do anything, that was just stupidity."

Dave prodded Dirk's leg with his foot, making the machine shuffle back slightly, then shouldered his sword and frowned, still looking totally confused.

"Is it like...for strifing?"

"I am certain I would be capable in a strife," Dirk offered with a shrug he clearly took a moment to manage, "Once I am more used to this body, of course, unless you wish to know what sparring with someone with all the reflexes of a drunken toddler is like."

The moment Dirk spoke Dave's mouth dropped back open and his eyebrows shot up above his aviators, his free hand pointing at the robot's face. "Bro it can talk."

"No shit." Dirk glared at the finger, voice buzzing softly. "I have a fully functioning voice box and synthetic frontal lobe that is capable of providing adequate signals to elicit speech. It requires some fine tuning to remove electronic distortions but I am completely capable of holding conversation if you allow for a little noise interference."

"Oh my God." He mumbled, hand raising to grasp a handful of his hair. "Holy fuck. I...I don't even..."

"Bro is this Dave flipping his shit? He does it remarkably quietly."

"Give him a second." Bro advised, listening to Dave's voice descend into frantic, confused nonsense under his breath. "Step one of Dave freaking out is the rambling. Stage two is his cool blowing up spectacularly in his face."

"Oh, well I look forward to seeing what-"

"HOLY FUCKING _SHIT_ YOU BUILT A _ROBOT OF YOURSELF_ WHAT THE _FUCK_!"

"-Oh. There we go."

"How the fuck does a fucking lazy asshole who sells stupid quivering plush fucking puppets to sick perverts on the internet make a fucking _talking robot copy of himself_? Fuck if you could do this all this fucking time _why are you still selling smuppets_ and why would you even build a fucking robot and oh holy shit holy shit _holy shit_ I have actually gone fucking insane because your boyfriend has a teleporting dog and you've built _a motherfucking robot_!"

Dave waved his hands between them, shouting loudly and almost jumping up and down with his constant panicky flitting from foot to foot. This was going about as well as Bro had expected.

"You haven't been out of the house in a month are you telling me you built this thing in your _fucking bedroom_? That you built a robot in your bedroom because you were fucking bored or something?"

"To be fair my personality was programmed over many years. I used to be a pair of shades."

" _OH MY FUCKING GOD_ WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY _LIFE_?"

Dave screamed and covered his face, and Bro raised a hand to stop Dirk as the machine went to move. After a few minutes Dave dropped his hand, adjusting his aviators carefully, deadpan back in place.

"Okay." He said calmly, with a disinterested shrug. "'Sup tin man?"

"Uh. It's...Dirk? And...not much..?"

"Cool. I'm Dave." He leant down and bumped Dirk's fist with his own as the robot looked on bemusedly. "You seem pretty chill."

He stood back up, swung to his side and closed the broken door after him as he vanished back into his room. Dirk looked at Bro for explanation, and the elder Strider snorted and shrugged.

"And that's Dave freaking out. Step three, everything is suddenly fine and it's never mentioned again." Bro straightened, moving over and helping him up, stopping him the moment he opened his mouth. "Hey, don't fucking ask me. Dude, I raised the kid and I still don't even fucking know."

Dirk silently looked over the splintered hole in the door, Dave softly rapping to himself beyond it, just loud enough to hear. His eyes flickered in contemplation, before he looked up at Bro and gave a slow, excited smile.

"He said I was chill." The robot announced with a hint of pride.

Bro felt a surge of warmth, and nodded, fighting the urge to ruffle his messy white hair.

"Yeah, kid." He replied instead, squeezing his shoulder with a glove hand. "Yeah, he did."

Dirk looked back to the door, and then let Bro help him back to the bedroom to improve his legs, a pleased expression stuck on his face the entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think...
> 
> Guys, I think I'm falling in love with writing AR.
> 
> Guys help me.


	35. ==> John: Have An Education

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat tries to explain sexuality to John.
> 
> John is confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The views expressed in this are Karkat's so please argue with him if you have a problem with them, thanks!
> 
> Apologies for the lecture, but John needs to learn these things and Karkat insisted.

"Alright. Are we sitting fucking comfortably?"

John nodded at him, hugging the cushion he had grabbed to his chest in place of the soft toys he usually had at night. After a lot of prompting, Karkat had relented and helped him drag the chairs and blankets about, making a tent that they'd lit with an upturned torch and piled pillows into to sit amongst on the floor. The house was silent other than their quiet whispers, dinner hours ago and Jade and Dad long since in bed. It was just them, in the golden glow beneath the low ghostbusters print ceiling. When they were settled, John hesitantly brought up it was after midnight, so technically tomorrow, so they could totally have that conversation now. Karkat sighed, but eventually he agreed.

"Good. So, you want me to tell you about the birds and the bees and the other shit that entails. Okay. Let's start fucking simple." Karkat ejected a pencil case between them and pulled it open, rifling through it and pulling out a red and blue pen. "Heterosexual. Only interested in the other cisgender. Boys and girls dating, John, don't give me a weird look, I'll deal with your fucking gender ignorance later." John frowned, but closed his mouth from where he'd opened it questioningly. "This is what people call normal, which is such a load of fucking shit I want to vomit when I hear it. You're one of these idiots who has it in their head you should be like this, right? Find a nice girl, marry, have kids."

"Um. Sort of? I mean Dad always said-"

"This is same fuckup who made the universe sound dull, I could not give less of a shit about his opinion. I think we've pretty much established you aren't in this happy little group right here by the fact you fucking told me you know you like guys."

"So that makes me gay!"

" _Possibly_ , John, holy shit. There's more than two fucking sexualities, as much as that might blow your tiny mind." John blinked at him, and Karkat put the red pen in his lap, picking up a second, lighter blue. "Two cisgender guys, or girls. That's homosexuality. The fucking 'gay' you keep whining about like it's a disease. It's pretty fucking widespread, and not as bad a thing as you're making out. People are mostly actually fucking okay with homosexuals now, and if they aren't they're so shitting far behind the times it's tragic. This is the first place you might be, I agree, but it isn't the only one."

"Um, okay?"

"Ticking off the last of the vaguely well know but somehow alien to you concepts," Karkat held up a lone blue pen. "Asexual. Not interested in anyone, sexually. Can still be romantically interested in people, but really doesn't give a fucking shit about getting in anyone's pants."

"Maybe I'm-"

"If you've ever got a fucking erection thinking about a crush stop right the fuck there because you're an idiot looking for a get out."

John's face burnt as he fell silent. Stupid sexy Bro.

"Yeah. So no, not that then." Karkat rolled his eyes. "Okay, are you ready to actually be a little fucking open minded?"

He nodded, and Karkat searched for a minute before producing a purple pen.

"This is not a cisgender person. They might be transgender, or androgynous, or not gendered at all."

"What?"

"Not everyone is a boy or a girl, John. The birds and the bees also have a colourful butterfly mixed in with them that can be a lot of fucking things." Karkat grimaced at his blank expression. "Holy fuck, just stay with me, idiot. Some people are other things, like a third gender, or not one, okay? Try not to explode at that knowledge, it's pretty fucking straight forward."

It did not seem that straight forward. It did not seem straightforward at all!

"Someone who likes any combination of the genders, but not all of them, is a polysexual. Like I have a friend who likes girls and MTF - that's male to female you uneducated shit, it means a girl who used to be a guy - so he isn't straight but he doesn't like cisgendered guys, so he isn't interested in all the genders. He's polysexual. Following the fucking logic, here?"

"...but if...they were a guy but they're now a girl...why isn't he just straight?"

"Because society distinguishes those two things, and also because she might still have a dick."

John spluttered.

"I can't believe that's the fucking level I have to simplify it to for you to actually shitting get what I'm saying, Christ. That's one of the most offensive ways I've ever explained this. Thanks for making me feel like a cuntlicking idiot."

"...um...I...I think I get it?"

"Great! One more, come on. Someone who likes everything - or if it doesn't matter? That's pansexual. We care more about the person than what their fucking privates are like, and can be attracted to absolutely anyone, even stupid fucking idiots like you. All of the pens appeal to me, John, all of them."

Karkat picked them all up in a cluster, then dropped them back in the open case between them. "So. We know you've had the fucking hots for a guy before so you're not hetero and you're not asexual. You're only of the several other _completely normal_ options remaining. Let's narrow this shit down. Do you like girls?"

"Um. I...I never really thought about it, I guess? My friend Rose kissed me and it didn't really feel that great?"

"Yes John, because with one magical fucking kiss the heavens will open and a shitting angel with descend and announce you are a certified cocksucker. That's totally a thing that happens."

"Shut up! I just meant...I don't know, okay? I've never had a crush on a girl, not that I noticed, but I mean I didn't notice I had one on Bro until he actually kissed me!"

"Bro. Your boy crush?"

"Um." Wow was it hot in here all of a sudden, oh wait _no_ that was just embarrassment! "...yes?"

"That is the most ridiculous douchebag name I've ever heard."

"...heh. He'd probably tell you that was the point."

Karkat observed him over steepled fingers, clucking his tongue. "Well we aren't going to magically fix your sexual crisis in one night, but at least you actually fucking know more than two words now. You probably won't know for sure for a while, most people don't."

"...thanks, Karkat."

"Anything to make you less of a total fuckwit. Just remember, you aren't the only person on Earth who isn't straight, and if your Dad is narrow minded about it it isn't the end of the fucking world. Other people will support you. I guarantee it. Look, I'm doing it right fucking now."

John grinned, because he did feel better, actually. Calmer. It didn't feel so scary anymore, even if it had become a lot more confusing. Karkat had helped, and he was swearing less! He was in a good mood. That was great!

Karkat recaptchalogued his pencil case, then glumly rested his head on his hands. "Ugh. I can't believe you actually like guys and the one you fucking crush over sounds like a total cock."

"You've only heard his name!"

"And his name is _Bro._ I bet he wears fucking sunglasses indoors and uses stupid rap slang and thinks shit is _cool._ " Karkat paused, groaning at the conceding nod John gave. "Seriously? Holy shit. Your love life problems go beyond fucking labelling yourself if you find a guy like that actually fucking attractive!"

"Hey! He's nice, Karkat." John sighed, then shrugged. "Doesn't even matter, dude, nothing's gonna happen anytime soon."

"Why? I thought you guys fucking kissed, that sounds like shit is already happening."

"Yeah well he's-" _Thirty two._ John held it in and paused. "-living in Texas."

"Oh."

"We just met up for Christmas."

"Oh."

Karkat had straightened, his fidgeting hands falling still as he looked John over. John knew that look. That look was _hope._

"So...so you're not with anyone."

"No..."

"And you're into guys."

"Um..."

"Then...I mean...what's your fucking answer because I suddenly feel like enough of a dipshit to ask for one."

"My answer?" John said blankly, and Karkat's cheeks reddened.

"Yes, you stupid fuck, your answer to the pants shittingly humiliating note where I was basically fucking _asking you out._ "

Oh.

Right, that note.

John a hand to his pocket and felt the flat firmness of the folded paper, covering the smaller bump of the note from Bro. It...it had been kind of cute, now he wasn't freaking out. He was Karkat's Juliet. He giggled quietly and Karkat looked even more awkward, tensing at the continuing silence. Karkat...liked him. He'd adorably told him so. And he had a great time when he was with Karkat!

And he did like guys. He was sort of sure of that now. He had a horrible feeling he'd known it for a quite a long time and just pretended he didn't, but since his minor freak out earlier, when they'd watched the films he was dwelling on it quite a lot and realising how much he'd been ignoring what he actually felt. So being with a boy didn't scare him so much, he guessed, even if he was nervous. But being nervous when you thought about going on a date at all was normal, right?

Wow.

He'd never been on a date before.

Bro had, with _English_. The last, indignant surge gave him a final nudge. Karkat was right here in front of him and they got on really well and he really liked John, he really did, and Bro had gone and got a stupid boyfriend so John could totally do the same!

"Okay." He said brightly. Karkat blinked rapidly at him, his whole face shining red. "I think I'd like that?"

"Holy shit."

"I've never gone out with anyone before! Wow. So you're my boyfriend now?"

Karkat broke into a stream of excited profanities, and John giggled back, and felt like maybe this whole thing _was_ a good idea after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HEY NINJA YET PREDICTABLE RELATIONSHIP TAG.
> 
> JOHN THIS IS A BROJOHN FIC WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
> 
> _JOHN._


	36. ==> Bro: Feel Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's fitting in so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this.
> 
> Dirk is the cutest thing.

Bro was adjusting his arm when Dave leant in through the door.

"Yo, tin man. Wanna play some games or whatever?" He drawled casually, and Bro felt Dirk's head snap up.

"You wish to play games with me?" He asked in awe. Bro knew the tone well enough already to quickly finish the last few connections and seal his bicep back up.

"Well yeah. It's cool if you don't wanna, I just figured-"

"No! I would love to play games! I even promise to only use my limited limbs instead of direct connection to my mental processes to control the game!"

"So you promise not to cheat. That seems pretty standard. Cool, I'll just set shit up, then, you wander on out when you're ready to have your ass handed to you."

Dave sauntered back out and Bro looked at Dirk to see his eyes glowing so brightly he was worried they would burn out. He rolled his own eyes at him.

"Day two and he's already warming up to you, see?" He murmured, "Go on, we can finish this tomorrow. Just watch the time, okay? I don't wanna have to drag you back."

"Yes! I will make sure I return in precisely forty nine minutes." He stood, wobbled once, then gained his balance. "He wants to pass time with me! Are we human bonding?"

"Apparently. Go on, before you run out of time."

Dirk headed out with the slight loping gait he had developed to run, and as Bro packed up his tools he heard the futon creak, and the music for some terrible race game start, and Dave promising to beat his shiny metal ass.

He wandered out a short while later to see Dave sitting up on the back on the futon with his trainers on the seat, and Dirk cross-legged on the floor in front of it, smiling broadly even though he was badly losing. They were both fixed on the race at hand, but as soon as Dave won he flung his arms up in victory, and Dirk laughed with a strange modulated tone, before waving the controller up at him.

"Thumbs are remarkably inefficient."

"Look at the Brobot with all his excuses. I think you'll find they do just fucking fine, dude." Dave smirked, "I'm doing pretty good with them. I believe I am fucking well victorious."

"Best seven out of ten."

"Oh, was three out of five not good enough for your terrible driving skills?"

"I am still learning how to play."

"Whatever, bro. I could wipe the floor with you all day." Dave started setting up a new race, and Dirk looked back to the screen, then glanced over at Bro and flashed him a blinding smile, his phone vibrating in his pocket.

> He likes me.

Bro chuckled and nodded, putting his phone away again as their on-screen engines revved and all their attention was once more on the game.

.:.

At forty four minutes, he heard the crackle. He'd settled back in his room to work on the finer arms he was building for Dirk, door open enough to hear them laughing and arguing over the races and bantering about odd little things like teenagers did. Bro was proud of them both, for bonding. Pleased each one had been accepting of the other.

He was almost ready to call and remind Dirk when he heard the familiar crackle, a sharp burst of cracking sound that ended with a fizzle and a dog yapping.

"'Sup, English." Dave said, as Bro fumbled to push his chair out and darted for the lounge.

Jake was still patting Bec's head and rewarding him with a green glowing steak when Bro reached the doorway, a six pack of whatever exotic beer he had picked up from the last port he docked in hanging from his hand and a small backpack on that meant he intended to stay. Dave was in the process of shutting down the console, having lost interest as soon as he'd said hello.

Dirk was sat on the floor, locked up, eyes flashing in panic and mouth in a flat line. His metal hands were balled into fists over his knees and shaking slightly. Right, great, this was so not the time for this!

"Strider!" Jake had spotted him. Before he could protest, he was dragged by the collar into a greeting kiss and then wrapped into a tight hug, Dirk's eyes moving sideways to them before snapping back ahead. "I brought booze and a decent film, I hope you don't mind me breezing in unannounced! Felt a little lonesome, I'm afraid, that's been happening a damn lot recently. Thought you'd like the company as much as I would!"

"It's cool, you know you can chill here anytime." Bro shot a furtive glance at the time on his phone as Jake opened his mouth to start spouting his usual endearing nonsense. Shit. "Jake, just one thing before you start telling me shit, okay?"

"Certainly, chap! What is it?"

Bro took his shoulder and turned him, gesturing past him to the metal man now staring straight at him with wide, nervous eyes.

"This," Bro explained, as Jake made an excited and impressed sound. "Is Dirk."

"Bloody hell! Did you _build_ him?"

"And programmed him, yeah."

"Incredible!" Jake grinned broadly as Dirk stood and moved forward, the machine's eyes still apprehensive as he stopped and let Jake's eyes rapidly sweep over him. "What is he for?"

"Being him, I guess. No real reason other than that any more. Dirk, say hello, your time's almost up."

"Hi...Jake." Dirk murmured, raising a hand and weakly waving. "It's...good to meet you."

"Wow! We simply _have_ to talk when we have the chance, you're just simply fascinating! A real robot! What a peach!"

"Th-Thank you. I would...love to talk to you."

Dirk gave the smallest smile, and Bro was about to drag him away, but Jake moved forward and Dirk was wrapped in his arms, his eyes over Jake's shoulder flaring blinding bright. Of course Jake was giving him a greeting hug, of course he was, right now when Dirk needed to move. Bro sighed, because the expression of utter delighted shock on Dirk's face was too precious to stop them. After a moment of trembling, dark hands clutched back at Jake's sides.

"I've never been hugged before." Dirk said into Jake's shoulder, eyes starting to dim. Bro swore inwardly, starting to warm up for the inevitable lump of metal he was going to have to drag.

Jake laughed, squeezed him close with a silly smile, and with a contented hum Dirk fell asleep quietly in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> D'awwwwwwwwww
> 
> (Jake usually hugs everyone to say hello. Dave gets away with a fistbump but only because he screamed the first time Jake picked him up and hugged him.)


	37. ==> John: Settle Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorky boyfriend cuddles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Über-short, I just wanted sleepy Johnkat cuddles.

In the tent, he let Karkat tangle up in his arms. It had taken a while to calm him down again, but once he had, he kept giving these big, broad smiles and mumbling without any swearwords at all. John felt like he'd broken him, so he offered him cuddles to check, because Karkat never wanted cuddles, but then the torch was knocked over as Karkat jumped into his arms, impact turning off the light and leaving them alone, in the dark.

John could hear every soft, quick breath Karkat took, his friend's - no, his _boyfriend's_ \- head resting against his shoulder with his mouth resting against his neck. His lips were soft and curved in a smile, and hot air rhythmically washed above them, just enough to send little jolts down his spine. In the dark, John couldn't see him, but he could feel him pressed close, bodies shaping against each other, Karkat's legs sprawled either side of him and his own folded beneath where Karkat sat.

Fingers ran up and down him, following the ridge of his backbone, another hand unmoving over the very small of his back. His own arms were just wrapped tightly around the other boy, around his heat and his shape and his shivers, able to feel the soft pulse of his heart quaking through his bones.

This was nice, cuddles in the dark. Nothing in the world but them and this moment, warm and safe in their castle of blankets and chairs. He squeezed Karkat and was pressed closer in response, and that was...was good. He liked it. He like everything about this.

Having a boyfriend was already awesome, because he'd never had such a close and snuggly hug before, and it was great! Karkat was great.

He slowly raised a hand to touch Karkat's hair, because this was you were meant to do, right? John's fingers slipped through his messy black locks and he stroked them, blushing a little, because it felt nice and it was making Karkat _purr._

Oh God, that was the greatest noise he'd ever heard. A content rumbling in the back of Karkat's throat that him sound like a cat as it escaped on the edge of heading. John swore to himself to make him make that sound at every possible opportunity! He had a Kar-cat. He giggled softly at the thought.

"John if you aren't careful I'll fall asleep here, I swear."

It tickled, when Karkat spoke against his skin, but in the same not-normal way Bro's stubble tickled when they kissed. He swallowed down a little gasp, and replaced it with a nervous giggle.

"Um, I don't mind! I'll hold you if you do."

Karkat seemed content with that, because he fell silent, and after a few minutes of John gently scratch his scalp at the base of his skull, the purring rose back into hearing. Seriously, that sound. It was the greatest.

"Goodnight, Karkat." John murmured to him when his breathing slowed, smiling as he felt a soft squeeze back, even though Karkat's hands had fallen still. "Sweet dreams."

Shortly after his new boyfriend was asleep tangled up in his arms, and John smiled, savouring every detail of the embrace. His first night with a boyfriend, ever! He was so excited. They could go on dates and hug and stuff and that sounded like a lot of fun!

He was starting to really look forward to this.

Eventually John followed him, head nodding and pleasant glow of cheerfulness surrounding him, and they both slept long into the morning just content in each others' arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There endeth the flurry for today.
> 
> Lots of AR tomorrow guys, hope you're enjoying it all so far! :)


	38. ==> Bro: Be Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drinking! Talking! Angsting!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day Eleven of the madness. I am compelled to continue writing. Will it never end?
> 
> Today I learnt "Jake" used to be slang for everything being okay, like "Everything is Jake!" Then I look at Jake English and just HAHAHAHAHA NOPE.

He was at the stage of drinking with Jake where his shirt was somewhere that wasn't on him and the Australian chose to punctuate every few slurred rambles with gradually sloppier kisses, sat leaning against his side with his legs over Bro's lap. Whatever shit was on tv had become a masterpiece that Jake was eager to discuss, even if currently it was one of those late night shopping channels that really were below the bottom of the viewing barrel. Despite that, he was getting a running commentary.

"We need one of those, love, who doesn't need a steamer, look it's all shiny and silver and the lights are orange, you like orange, where's my phone? Oh bollocks I think I left it on the boat. Where's Bec? Dog runs off wherever he bloody pleases. Oh, look, an iron! We need an iron."

"Do I look like the sort of person who irons shit?"

"No." There was the kiss, pressed to his jaw. "You look like the sort of chap who'd come fluttering your eyelashes until I did it. It's a good iron, though."

He let Jake's words slide back out of hearing, focusing on the second rambling idiot he had vying for his attention.

> Bro he liked me.  
> He said I was incredible.  
> Fascinating.  
> A peach.  
> He wants to talk to me.  
> To me, Bro, to Dirk, not to a copy of you.  
> He hugged me.  
> He touched me.  
> Smiled at me and held me and I held him back.  
> In all the dictionaries of all the languages of all the world there is not an adequate expression of how that felt.  
> I think I am in love.

Bro rolled his eyes at the glass and took another swig of beer, remembering why he avoided wearing Dirk around the house. He'd known it would be bad, after he met Jake, but given his excited sentences had been practically looping for hours, he was starting to think he'd underestimated just how much of an effect it would have on the program.

"Why do you never let me call _you_ Dirk?"

He blinked rapidly and looked down to Jake as Dirk shut up to pay attention. His boyfriend was looking up at him with a woozy, suspicious expression, a slightly accusing finger pressing against the faint silver scar in the centre of his chest.

"I hate being called Dirk." He responded, truthfully, ignoring the large ABORT YOU IDIOT that flashed across his vision. "Haven't used the name since I was twenty."

"Oh. But." Jake pursed his lips and took a long, meditative gulp of drink. "That...Dirk. You made. Has he been around a while?"

Well holy shit look who wasn't totally oblivious. Bro was pleased this wasn't going to be as hard to get into his (at times) ridiculously thick skull as he'd expected, but there was a little bite of jealousy that he tried to waft away.

"Since I was eighteen, as a program. He used to inhabit a small form, screen my messages for me when I was too busy to answer them."

"...oh." Jake paused, then gave a drunken grin. "Then I think he and I will get on just swell. Can't help but think the fellow's a little stuck on me." He took a deep gulp of drink, laughing after. "You know, I think I am rather spifflicated."

"Uh-?"

> Drunk, he's drunk, and oh holy shit he thinks we'll get on.  
> Yesssss.

"Oh. Yeah, you're pretty trashed, dude." Bro stroked his hair, then shrugged. "You wanna go to bed?"

"Might be a thought." He smiled warmly, staggering a little when he stood. Bro followed suit, turning off the tv and watching the vapid model trying to sell him a washing line vanish from view. Jake hooked an arm around his waist, leaning against him and sighing. "I missed you, you know."

"It's only been a few days, Jake."

"I know. It's just...it's been a while since I had company that gave a damn about me, that's all."

Jake gave him a small smile, humming contentedly when Bro slung an arm over his shoulder and hugged him close. Jake was great, really. He'd helped convince him to actually give a shit again.

Thanks to the constant nudges and reassurances, he'd been getting better, with everything, this past month. Focusing on work, actually doing something with his time, being vaguely sociable with Jake and Dave. He even felt like maybe he was starting to get over John!

Maybe. Except for the dreams, and the way he felt when the spoke, and the few times Jake had complained about him still getting his name wrong.

Augh. Who was he kidding? He'd thrown himself into everything since New Year to avoid facing the fact so far he wasn't over John at all.

It had only been a month, he knew that, he knew it would take time, but he'd just hope with how fond he was growing of Jake maybe things would speed the fuck up. Dirk took great pleasure in analysing his latest conversations with the kid and reporting, if anything, an increase in fondness - at least he had until Bro threatened to stop building his body altogether. That had shut him up.

Unfortunately it didn't make anything he said less true.

"What's eating you, Strider? You look pretty glum all of a sudden."

"It's...nothing." He leant down and pressed a quick kiss to Jake's lips, as firm as his aching chest allowed. "Don't worry."

"You know you can talk to me about anything?"

Hah! No.

"I know, Jake." He responded aloud, letting himself be led to his reclaimed bedroom and feeling guilty when his mind drifted to wonder if the kid ever still thought about him the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so sorry for Jake.
> 
> He just wants to be friends with Dirk, because Bro is his boyfriend and they're really quite happy together!
> 
> ...right?
> 
>  
> 
> _Oh._


	39. ==> John: Be Happily Asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is starting to enjoy this!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I toying with your ships? Do you want everyone to group marry? Do you think there's no way I could introduce any more pairings before this ship is finally sailed?
> 
> In the renowned words of a famed scholar:
> 
> HA HA HA HA. IT HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~(I'm sorry I love you all really)~~

He woke up abruptly when the blanket was ripped out from above them.

"John! Time to-!" Jade's voice broke off with a loud squeal as he flailed and woke Karkat with a start, mentally a panicked mess. "Oh gosh that's just so _cute_!"

"Jade!" He whined, as Karkat grumbled and rapidly absconded to the other side of the pillow pile. "Go away!"

"Nope! Wow, are you guys-?"

"Harley shut the fuck up before your shitting loud mouth causes a ton of crap to come crashing down on us all in a fucking shitsplosion of cocksucking idiocy."

"Um, what does that even-?"

" _I don't want Dad to know!_ I can't...not yet!" John hissed desperately, waving his hands urgently up at her. "Please! I'll talk about it when he's not around okay?"

"But why not? Wouldn't he be happy you've got a-"

"Jade!"

"Oh, _fine!_ But don't think you're getting out of talking about it, mister! I expect all the details tonight!"

"Okay, okay, can we just stop talking about it now?"

She rolled her eyes and nodded, and John relaxed, his breaths easing. It wasn't he would never tell Dad, that wasn't it at all! He just really, really wanted time to think about how and when and what he was going to say. When Dad found out, it was going to be from him, and whatever reaction he got...it would be because of what he said, and what he did, not because someone else had told him before John could. He was sure Dad would be proud of him for being so mature about the whole thing!

Karkat yawned and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands, then gave John a tiny smile.

"Leaving that fucking drama for now, good morning fuckwit, I'm starving."

"Dad will probably make us all breakfast in a minute, dude." He couldn't help smiling stupidly back. Karkat was smiling at him. They were boyfriends. Everything was awesome.

"John I can't wait a fucking minute, feed me shit now before I die of fucking starvation."

"Kar, you can survive."

"When I die you'll feel fucking sorry."

"Only because I have to shift your fat ass out of the way when I'm headed to my delicious breakfast."

"Asshole."

"Idiot."

"Dickhead."

"Dolt."

Jade squealed again. John's face flushed red and he gave an abrupt, nervous giggle, getting to his feet. She was giving them a look that screamed she was finding them utterly precious, and embarrassment flooded him, his hands fidgeting as he darted past her to go make Karkat toast.

"Oh my gosh you guys are so sweet!" She said quietly behind him mid-abscond.

"Shut up, Harley." Karkat snapped back, but even with looking around John could hear the smile beneath his words.

.:.

After watching some more films with Jade and a lunch at which Dad was eager to talk about how nice it was John had made a new friend so quickly, John had convinced Karkat to abscond outside with him without a ludicrous number of coats, climbing up their one, awesome tree and sitting amongst the branches as he watched his boyfriend stare after him with a scowl.

"You want me to climb this fucking thing, don't you?"

"Duh! C'mon, Kar, it's not _that_ high!"

"John look at me. Look at my fat fucking short ass body. Does it look like it can climb a shitting tree?"

"You aren't fat! You're just...cuddly!" John grinned, lounging across the branch and dangling his arms off of it. "Come on, dude, you can do it! I have total faith in you."

"You'll laugh your fucking ass off if I fall."

"Yep!"

"You're lucky that face is too cute for me to punch, John." His gaze dropped to the trunk as John blushed a little. He was cute. Heh. "Okay, fuck, fine, but when I inevitably fucking fail you're not allowed to laugh, dipshit."

"I promise! Come on, Karkat."

"Can this thing even support two fucking teenagers?"

" _Kar_..."

"I'm going, fuck off."

The older teen braced, and John watched with growing interest as he flicked his hands out and equipped a pair of really dangerous looking black sickles, jumping at the trunk and using them to dig into the bark. He hung and scrambled for footing, then gave a breathless, triumphant sound and started pulling them out and sinking them in higher one by one, until he was close enough John could help him onto a branch and he quickly threw both of them back into his strife deck.

"Wow! Sicklekind. My Dad would never let me have anything sharp to strife with."

"Yeah well with Stabdad blades are basically the only fucking option. Trust me, I'm pretty good at stopping a fucking knife with these things." Karkat shrugged, like he always did when he didn't want to talk about something anymore, so John didn't push why the hell he'd need to deflect a knife. "What stupid shit specibus does Dadbert let you use, then?"

"Hammers!" John beamed, equipping his multicoloured pride and joy and hefting it above his head.

"Holy fuck that thing is the deadliest acid trip my poor fucking eyes have ever been assaulted with. I'd wondered why you had such a good build for a shut-in."

"Um. Thanks? I didn't use to really put much effort in but Bro pointed out I was probably really lame, so I trained with a house hammer until I got the hang of it. Then he got me this thing! It's so cool! Even if I am only just getting good at even the basics with it."

"Stabdad's...work friends got me my sickles. For protection."

"From what?"

"From him."

John fell silent and put his hammer away, frowning at the uncomfortable expression on Karkat's face. He shuffled forward and nervously took hold of his boyfriend's shoulders, tugging him in to a hug.

"You don't have to tell me, but I'll listen if you ever do." He mumbled, hoping this wasn't stupid.

Karkat stayed still and quiet for a moment, then leant into it and hugged back, nodding. "Not now, but...I'll remember that, if I ever feel fucking talkative."

The cuddle was nice. Karkat was warm and welcoming against the cold air, and John snuggled up close to him and listened to him purr until Jade came out and complained at them for abandoning her, and they reluctantly climbed back down and followed her inside.

.:.

"John, what are you fucking doing? Am I not interesting enough for you to put the computer down?"

EB: hi dave!!

"I thought we were going to play a fucking game or something, you rambled about actually doing shit when you dragged me up here, not leaving me languishing on your bed while you fucking focused on whatever shit is so interesting on your screen."

TG: sup egbert

"John I'm fucking talking to you, holy fuck. At least nod or something and pretend to listen. I'm this close to talking to the fucking bunny, John, _this_ close."

EB: guess what?? i totally kept my promise!

"Okay, fuck it. Hello strangely filthy rabbit toy John insists on placing on his pillows like they're a fucking altar. Isn't my host a douchebag for ignoring me? Yes he is."

TG: youre sending me all your dads cakes for the rest of the year

"I know he's a total dick, mister bunny, I just can't bring myself to hurt his stupid adorable face. No mister bunny, I don't know what the fuck he's doing, but it isn't fucking keeping me company!"

EB: no, stupid! that was a joke! the other promise!!!!

"Maybe I _am_ jealous, mister bunny. Maybe I _should_ put a fucking sickle through his screen."

EB: i have a boyfriend!

"He has a minute, mister bunny. Then I disassemble his whole fucking computer because I'm fucking bored and he promised me games."

TG: holy shit i didnt think you were even gonna try to do that  
TG: is he with you right now  
EB: yes! he stayed over last night :)  
TG: oh did he now  
TG: gimme a minute here this shit requires visuals

"Time's almost up, mister-"

"Karkat, you're an idiot." John told him as he leant back in the chair, rolling his eyes. "Please come here? My friend Dave wants to meet you."

"Holy shit you're acknowledging my presence." Karkat jumped up quickly and moved over, and John quickly pulled his arms down around his neck so he could be cuddled. "I am expecting a fuck ton of games to make up for being abandoned, John."

"Karkat, it was like, five minutes?"

"So? You're meant to fucking well entertain me today, asshole."

Karkat leant down and kissed the top of his head, making John freeze and turn red as he went to answer Dave's video call. Karkat had kissed him. Um. That was certainly a thing that just happened.

Karkat muttered and rested his chin on John's shoulder, placing a hand over his and clicking accept before Dave rang off. That made the blush worse, and the heat in his chest, and as soon as the window of blonde coolkid trying to look disinterested and failing opened John forced a smile and giggled nervously.

"Wow Egbert, did I interrupt sloppy makeouts? You look like a cherry, man, that look ain't flattering on you."

"N-No! Wow, Dave, don't be stupid!" John cleared his throat, "Um. Dave! This is Karkat. He's my thing. That I said."

Dave raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Oh, he's your _thing._ "

"Can you please not make that sound so dirty oh my God, Dave!"

"No chance in hell. 'Sup, Karkat. Nice to know John actually moved his ass and got a _thing_ of his own. You don't look like the total dick I was expecting but hey, you're yet to open your mouth."

"John please don't tell me this smug fucking douchebag is your friend. He wears sunglasses indoors and he sounds like the most pretentious fucking asshole I've ever heard."

"Oh hey! There we go. John, your _thing_ is a dick."

"Your friend is a cocksucking jerk."

John let his head smack the desk and groaned. Well this was going well!

There was a murmured noise at Dave's end he couldn't quite pick up, which made him frown. He looked up to see Dave lounging back, eyes apparently over on his door. "What? Chinese is fine, whatever the fuck you want. Hey, wait, Bro. Come check this out."

Oh no.

"Bro? Is he-?" Karkat started, but John shooshed him, glaring at Dave as the young Strider looked back with a slight hint of righteousness about his face. Stupid Dave! Karkat wasn't meant to meet-

Bro came up behind Dave and leant on the back of his chair, eyebrows raised above his shades but mouth in a calm line. Karkat gave a soft sound, clearly biting his tongue, as John blushed again after his cheeks had only just recovered, giving a bashful smile.

"Um, hey, Bro!"

"Hey." He didn't say any more, voice a little quiet where it was picked up by the microphone hanging by Dave's neck, but Dave was pointing at something on screen and then John saw his jaw tense, just slightly. "Oh." There was a brief, uncomfortable pause. "Good for you, kid."

"Th-thanks?"

Bro straightened, eyes clearly looking Karkat over carefully, before he turned and strode out of view. Dave gave John a look.

"Had to do it sometime, dude."

"That was...you're such a dick sometimes!"

"Why? He's just your _friend._ What's wrong with him knowing?"

John flapped his mouth at the truth, then gave a frustrated little sound and logged out completely, resting his head back to the wood. Why did Dave have to be such a stupid, honest asshole? He knew why! He _knew._

Karkat's hand squeezed his shoulder and he found it actually calmed him, a little. He sat and looked up to him, grinning weakly.

"...How about those games, now?" Karkat offered, with a reassuring smile. No questions, no anger, no upset, no disapproval. Just games. Just them having fun together.

John's grin grew honest in relief.

That sounded like the greatest idea in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh noooooo!!!
> 
> Yeah so warning, the next chapter will be full to the brim of angsting Striders.
> 
> WHOOOOOO.


	40. ==> Dirk: Observe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's about to play the odds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait, it's a _Dirk_ chapter?
> 
> Oh, right! Did I not say that?

He made it a few foot out of Dave's room before he punched the wall with enough force to dent it. He tore his hand back in a flurry of dust and paint chips, pressing his palm flat beside the hole and letting his head hang.

> This is what you wanted.

"Shut the fuck up." Bro said back, voice deathly soft and calm. His head raised, and Dirk didn't need reverse cameras to know he was glaring at the glass. "You do _not_ get to lord this over me, you stupid fuck."

> I am not lording, I am observing. You said you wanted to get over him and for him to get over you.  
> You currently have a willing, acceptable partner who is well within all of our typical requirements. Have you forgotten that?  
> Are you really at the point you will do damage to the house because a fourteen year old child is in a relationship after having confused feelings towards you?  
> Is your ego so frail the idea a boy might actually replaced you so fast, despite you never actually being anything of real note with him, that traumatising to your emotional well being?  
> Bro I have tried to be understanding and supportive as long as I could, but what is fucking wrong with you?  
> A kid had a crush on you. He's over it. Move on.

"Shut up!"

> I'm sorry, Bro, did you not want a wake up call? Because you desperately need one.  
> You're so desperate to announce how you want to get over John, but then you flail about like an insecure teenage girl throwing a tantrum the moment there is the vaguest hint he might actually like someone other than you.  
> Grow the fuck up.

"You know I like you a lot fucking better when you're being more _you_ and less _me._ "

> I'm glad you recognise I had to actually reactivate the parts of my personality still drawn in their entireity from you to say any of this.  
> I was quite content being blissfully ignorant and focusing on what matters.

"By which you mean _Jake._ "

> Yes, Bro, I mean Jake.  
> I mean your motherfucking boyfriend you insensitive fucking dick.  
> The man you are using as a fucking stand in for a fourteen year old boy.  
> That is exactly who I fucking mean.

"It isn't like-!"

> Bro I am you you stupid fuck don't you dare try and lie to me.  
> There is a difference between wanting to be with someone and wanting to want to be with someone.  
> You have never for one single moment actually wanted to be with Jake, you have just told yourself you do in order to stave off this pathetic longing for the person you're dating him because he resembles.

"Shut the fuck up! Why do you even _care_?"

> Because in case it had passed you by I actually give two fucks about Jake in a way you never fucking will.  
> I want to be able to hold him and kiss him and make fucking love to him.  
> But you know what I get?  
> I get to watch you do all of that instead!  
> I get to watch him fall for you when he deserves much fucking better!

"What, like a pair of _fucking glasses?_ "

> At least I actually care about him not just someone he fucking looks like!

Bro growled and Dirk steeled himself, blinking cursor as determined as he could make it. He needed to have predicted Bro right, he needed to have got these statistics correct. He had one shot at this, he couldn't fuck it up.

"DAVE! ROOF! FIVE FUCKING MINUTES!"

There was a 99.67% chance if he had a mouth he would have allowed himself a smile.

Bro stalked to his room and ripped the shades off, throwing them on the bedside table as Jake started awake, blinking in the light from the corridor streaming in. Without another word he'd left again, slamming the door, and leaving nothing but the sound of Jake's heavy breathing in the dark.

"...what the devil dickens was that about?" He muttered to himself. Dirk loved the sound of his voice. It was the most perfect pitch and pace and had the most wonderful accent and quirks. He would happily analyse everything about it every moment of his day, if he could. As it was, he had more pressing business to attend to.

He put all his power into make himself vibrate, which he did, just for a moment. The bed creaked, and he switched to night vision in time to see Jake pat about for him and catch the edge of his lens, pulling him in and turning him over a few times in confusion. Dirk vibrated again. Jake frowned, then curiously put the glasses on.

> Hello, Jake.

"...hello? Strider, is this you? You could have just spoken to me in person, you know!"

> He is busy with Dave.  
> This is Dirk.  
> I hope I am not being too forward given our relatively brief meeting, but I have a favour to ask you.

"...oh. Well...alright then, chap, shoot!"

> The steaks you give Bec are irradiated. I can only assume you have a method with which to irradiate them.

"Well yes! One of Grandma's old machines, actually."

> My readings indicate that Uranium is used in the process.  
> I was wondering if you have any spare.

"Why would you possibly need a nugget of that old stuff?"

> I am afraid whilst Bro is a genius he is still a man of limited resources. My battery is weak, and fails after only a short amount of time. I have only an hour at best each day to see the world, which means I will never leave this apartment, really. Never get the chance to actually have any sort of adventures.

Jake shifted at the word. His judgement had been correct.

> If I were able to be powered by Uranium I would be able to function on an almost constant basis.  
> I would be able to do things I can only dream of, now.  
> But of course, there are few sources with which to obtain such a substance. I had thought, perhaps, you might be one of the few.  
> But do not worry. It was only a long shot. I will continue to function as I am.

"Now wait just one darn second there, chum!"

Jake was a beautiful human being.

He stood and fumbled about through his bag, pulling out a white and green dog whistle that Dirk could not detect on any frequency when it was blown. For a moment, nothing happened, and then Bec appeared in a crack and an explosion of light green that briefly sent most of his scanners haywire.

"Bec! Fetch some-" Before Jake had finished speaking a lump of glowing green dropped onto the bed, and the dog was rewarded with a tussle of its fur. "Excellent! Cracking boy, astounding friend!"

Dirk could barely contain the excitement sparking through his data. He hadn't expected this to work! Bro out of the house, Jake actually willing, and all because Bro was just so... _predictable_. There was a 87.45% chance in times of stress he would demand a strife with Dave. 95.22% chance when he was upset with Dirk he would take him off, with a further 78.23% chance he would leave him on the bedside table. A 98.3% chance Jake would be curious enough to pick him up and an estimated 63.19% chance he would be convinced to help him.

He had played the odds, and he had _won_.

> My body should be in the storage cupboard to your left.  
> I cannot thank you enough for this, Jake.

"Oh anything to help a distressed damsel - uh, _fellow_!" Bec was watching them with his unseen eyes, Dirk could feel it, as Jake opened the cupboard and the light within sparked brightly on, illuminating the seated metal form within, head slumped forward. "Bro won't...mind, will he? Me touching this? He seems awfully protective of it."

> I am sure that won't be an issue. After all, I will be able to explain.

"I suppose so!"

He had never been so thankful of Jake's moments of obliviousness, nor his trusting nature. He quickly gave instructions on how to open the cavity the battery was stored in.

> Now remove the last one, set it to one side carefully, a sharp shock has a 46.217% chance of making it explode.  
> Excellent. Feed the Uranium inside, I'll tell you which wires to hook up where.

The moment the last wire was in place, the panel started sliding shut, and Jake jerked his hand back as the strips of light across the body flashed green.

Across _his_ body. That he would never have to leave again.

> Thank you, Jake.

He was so, so thankful, he could never express it in words.

> It may sound cliché, but I owe you my life.

Dirk powered his body on with a few remote commands, took a hypothetical deep breath, and then jumped, metaphorically, straight in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW THAT'S NOT HOW URANIUM WORKS HOMESTUCK RULES OKAY
> 
> Dirk isn't kidding, he had to literally bury his childish new personality under layers of Bro in order to be snarky enough to do this.
> 
> The angst begins here, with Bro. Expect it to spill over.


	41. ==> John: Say Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade had said they had to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another sort of small chapter, but here's Jade following up on her earlier questions.
> 
> The next chapter will probably be longer.
> 
> Well, no, it will be.
> 
> But have this first!
> 
> Oh, and **holy shit how many people have read this WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS IS JUST UTTER NONSENSE** but I love you all so much, come aboard the good HMS Brojohn and the various armada of ships currently surrounding it, you are all welcome here.  <3

John managed to sneak in one last cuddle while Dad and Mister Slick were talking, before Karkat had to go. It was quick and tight and with a nuzzle into his shoulder, but it still felt good, and when he stepped back and grinned Karkat was blushing back at him with a dopey smile.

"...it's been great, today." He mumbled, and Karkat nodded, and opened his mouth to answer, cutting off when his father called him and with a sigh and a weak wave at John he had to follow him right out the door.

John didn't mind. He was right next door, not a million miles away! He could visit every day if he wanted to.

Knowing that felt _great_.

He'd nearly absconded all the way back to his room when Jade grabbed him from behind and hoisted his kicking form into the air. She walked him the rest of the way, dumped him uncermoniously on his bed, and shut the door, before pulling up a chair and looking at him expectantly.

"So Karkat is your boyfriend now?" She said in her quietest voice, which was just about speaking volume for normal people.

"Um. Yes?"

"Awwww, John, that's so _sweet_!" With a broad smile, she clapped her hands in excitement. "So today was like a date?"

"I guess it was!" Wow, she was right! They really _had_ had a movie date! John smiled. "But we'll go on proper dates too! Maybe Dad will let me go out with him just by ourselves...I mean, if Dad came I wouldn't feel as, um, comfortable? I don't think."

"Why not? I don't get why you won't tell him! You've got a boyfriend, that's great!"

"Some...some people don't...like it, if you're gay?" His voice wavered and dropped. "Like...you know Dave didn't want to tell us? And you didn't get why? I think it's because I used to be a massive dick about it, I know I did, making like, stupid jokes which looking back were being really mean? I think he was scared we'd be nasty about it."

"But why? It's not like it even matters!"

"I know, I know, some people are just...they just don't like it, okay?" John shrugged. "It makes them uncomfortable, I don't know why, the more I think about it it just seems really stupid. But I know Dad always talked about me finding a nice girl and having a family and I don't know how he'd take the possibility I, um, don't like girls at all? That I won't have a family like that."

"Well _do_ you like girls?"

"I'm not even sure yet! Karkat says I probably won't know for a while."

"So when are you going to tell him? John, if you leave it you'll just have to hide everything and that's stupid! I think he'd be way madder if you hid it than if you just told him so!"

"...maybe. I just want to think about it, I guess. Figure out what to say. This is important, Jade! I can't rush it."

She rolled her eyes at him. "People here are weird! Grandpa always just said you fall in love with whoever you want! Boys or girls or women of cerulean complexion-"

"What?"

"Never mind! I just mean...I don't get why it's a big thing. If he's that bothered about you having children, couldn't you just adopt?"

"...I guess. I don't know! Give me a break, Jade, I've only just got the whole 'I like guys' thing, I don't really know that much about what it sort of...means, for me?"

She fell silent, leaning her head on her hands and watching him carefully for a while, then gave a sly, toothy smile.

"So is Karkat a good kisser?"

"Jade!" John felt his face burning up. "We haven't...I don't know yet! Jeez!"

"Pff! Hop to it then, fuckass, you're officially boyfriends now, you totally have to make out!"

" _Jade!_ "

"Would it be your first kiss with a boy? I mean, I know Rose kissed you, but-"

"No. No it wouldn't be."

She gasped. "Wait, the only other people you've met...oh my gosh, you've kissed _Dave_?"

"...yes?" He wasn't lying, he wasn't lying, he just wasn't quite answering her real question. "Well, he sort of kissed me."

"Oh my gosh!"

"Jade can you please stop being so excited about who I've kissed? Please?"

"But Joooohn-!"

"Nope! This conversation is ending now, okay? Right now!"

"Fine!" She huffed at him, twirling a finger through her long hair, then cracked a broad smile. "So how did you ask him out? Or did he ask you?"

John blushed, patting about in his pockets until he found the note and offered it to her. As he did, the second note he carried tumbled out, and he picked it up, staring at the golden handwriting with a weird, slightly hollow feeling in his chest.

"Oh wow, this is the most adorable thing ever!" Jade cooed over at him. He didn't really hear her. He was looking at the note in his hand and thinking about earlier, and the way Bro's jaw had set, because it was so small most people would ignore it but he _knew_ how the Striders showed emotion. He _knew_ how upset Bro had been.

But...they lived so far apart, and Bro had said he was too old for John! What was he meant to do, just never find anyone else? Bro had found English while John was still right there! And Karkat was great! He wasn't...he wasn't _Bro_ , sure, but he was great! John liked him. And he wasn't a stupid dick who kissed him and drove him mad and then just went off to be happy with someone else, no he wasn't!

He folded the note back up and put it back away, rubbing away the stinging in his eyes.

"John, this note is so sweet! Karkat is going to be such a good boyfriend."

He looked up at Jade, and smiled, and really, _really_ meant it when he replied, "Yeah! Yeah he is."

.:.

That night, there was a tapping on the window.

He crept out to the roof, and cuddled Karkat close, and that was so perfect they didn't once look up at the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My babies.
> 
> ...
> 
> ...
> 
> ...
> 
> SO BACK TO THE ANGST.


	42. ==> Bro: Strife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is going to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am messing with Bro this arc, and yet I have no regrets.
> 
> Also, just a reminder when reading this chapter: Bro is kind of a massive douche.

The moment Dave emerged from the door, Bro leapt from on top of the entrance, soles of his shoes smacking into Dave's shoulders and sending him sprawling forward as the older man propelled himself forward into a roll and spun as he stood to face his already disorientated brother. He was not in the mood for babying him, he was not in the mood for banter. He was _not_ in the mood to lose.

Dave staggered up and took up a vague defensive position, legs out and sword in front of him, so Bro darted to one side and as Dave turned to try and keep his gaze on him he leapt up at the wall, kicking off it to power into a downwards strike across Dave's back which the younger Strider barely fumbled around in time to parry. The blow jarred up his arms and he stumbled, then quickly turned it into a rapid backstep to try to give himself more room.

Bro chased him with long strides, bringing his sword down from above again, and as Dave raised his arms to block Bro let go with one hand and swept it into a fast punch to Dave's stomach, winding him enough he coughed and choked. When Dave doubled up Bro stepped in and brought his other knee up hard into his chin, grabbing his hair as his head flipped up and smashing his head back down.

Dave groaned and dropped his sword.

"F-Fucking...shit! No fair!" He hissed, and Bro spat at the ground beneath him, tearing his face up towards him and then punching him hard on the nose.

"You want me to play fair, you little shit? Then don't _fuck with me._ "

He let go and Dave slumped backwards, laughing numbly up at him with a dazed, bloody face.

"...this is 'cause he's got someone." He said, amused and woozy. "That's what this is. You fucking desperate asshole."

Bro slammed his fist into his face again, and this time he was out cold by the time he hit the floor.

.:.

He was sitting waiting for Dave to wake up when his phone vibrated.

With a frown, Bro flicked it out, pausing and then rapidly bringing up the readings for Dirk's body as a power warning flashed at him.

Those numbers couldn't be right. There was no way in hell. How the fuck could he have done that on Bro's bedside table when all there was nearby was...

Oh. _Oh._ That little magnificent piece of shit.

Bro swore and ran for the vent.

The moment he dropped into the crawlspace he headed for his bedroom, ripping up the trapdoor and dropping with a thud as it shut softly behind him. Jake jumped and span and looked at him with a guilty expression from in front of the cupboard, lit from behind with green that faded to red. He awkwardly pulled off the shades and offered them, and Bro took them and without a moment's hesitation snapped them clean in two.

" _Move._ "

Jake stepped out of the way, stumbling onto the bed, and the hunched figure sitting beyond him stayed still for just long enough to goad Bro into stepping forward, then raised their metal head and regarded him with red eyes ringed with a strip of neon green.

"You little shit."

"What for? For increasing the pace you were working at? Oh forgive me for assuming you actually wanted me mobile and not on a tight, short leash! I should have known you better than that." Dirk tore the few charging cables out of his side and let them drop as the panels slid shut with a shower of emerald sparks. He stood, looking Bro in the eye and frowning. "You could easily have given me a more powerful battery, you were _choosing_ to restrain me. I am not a thoughtless automaton, Bro, I _think_ and I _feel_ and you were keeping me trapped in a tiny glass cage."

"I _made_ you-!"

"As a father makes a son, not as a carpenter makes a toy."

"It wasn't yours to decide when you were ready! I haven't fucking finished you yet!"

"And what does it matter how long I can stay active between the times you adjust me? What effect does it have, whether or not I can wake for an hour or a year? It doesn't matter, it has no effect, not to anything but your desire to keep control of me. Not to anything but your fear I might be better at living than you are."

"I'm not afraid of you." Bro said incredulously, and Dirk tilted his head.

"You're afraid of what I represent. The person you once were. The man who is still Dirk Strider and has not buried himself under lies and masks and glasses that hide his face from the world." The machine took a step towards him, spreading his hands. "Do you remember, _Dirk_? We were the same once, you and I. You are what the world made you, cold and distant and hiding what you feel. I am what we could have become, still with a _heart_ and _soul_. You are not afraid of _me_ , no...but you are afraid of what others will think of you, when they finally see what you once were."

"Shut up!"

"Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? I'm sure it will pass when I supress the sectors of my personality created entirely from you and allow my own character to take hold. That's the tragedy, you see. You hate what I have to say, but all of this comes from the parts of me that are still _you_. All the self loathing and the bitterness and the disgust at what we grew up to be. That's all _you_ , Dirk."

"Stop fucking calling me that!"

"It's _your_ name."

"I gave it to you!"

"So why are you so afraid to give me my own fucking _life_?"

Bro threw a punch and Dirk caught it in a flash, twisting his arm and dropping it as Bro let out a strangled, angry scream.

"Don't try and fight me, you fucking idiot, you can't fucking win."

"I'm not going to fucking lose to you!"

"Why? Can't face the thought of being beaten by yourself?"

"WE AREN'T THE FUCKING SAME! YOU AREN'T ME!"

_"EXACTLY!"_

Bro stared at him, his white-silver features twisted in angry righteousness, and as the silence grew tense they relaxed back to a calm frown. In the heavy lull, Jake's slightly panicked breathing became audible, and they both looked to him sitting on the bed, Bec behind him and watching impassively. His green eyes moved between them, a little panicked, then he waved his hands wildly up at them.

"Will everybody please calm the blazes down and explain what the devil is going on?"

"There's nothing to explain! He's gone fucking insane."

"Bro I _know_ you agree with me, don't fucking try and talk this away!" Dirk snapped, and Bro looked skyward, then turned on him.

"Fine! Fine, you want to live your own life? Be my fucking guest! See how welcoming the world is to a fucking robot! I'm sure you'll get along just _fine_!"

"I never said I wanted to leave, I just wanted the freedom to choose!"

"Well have it, then! Have all the freedom you fucking want! Go and live all your fucking dreams!" He jabbed a finger at Jake, who blinked, before he could stop himself, quickly pulling it in to gesture angrily at Dirk. "But you want to see me as a father? Then you fucking _do as I say_ you ungrateful little _shit_!"

"Understood." Dirk's voice was calm again, cheerful even, and that did nothing but frustrate him. "Scans indicate you left Dave unconcious on the roof."

"What?" Jake exclaimed. Bro grimaced, throwing up his hands.

"I'm going, I'm going, holy fuck. Just don't do anything while I'm gone! Stay sitting right fucking there! I'm going to at least check you over before you go off and fuck all my shit up."

Dirk sat calmly back down, and after a moment his eyes widened, and brightened, and he looked down himself and smiled.

"Want my advice? Don't fucking activate those stupid parts of me that are left, not ever again." Bro frowned, stalking towards the door, adding over his shoulder, "I'm a total fucking dick."

He gathered he was ignored, because the last thing he heard before the door slammed in his wake was a nervous, and cheerful, "...thank you, Jake."

.:.

By the time Dave woke up, he was under a blanket, head up on a pillow, icepack over his face. Bro saw him stir and shifted closer, resting a hand on his arm.

"Dave, fuck. You okay?"

Dave weakly pulled off the icepack and gave him a look, confused and a little wary.

"...I feel like I had the shit beaten out of me. Other than that I'm on top of the fucking world."

Bro stared down at his face, dried blood running from his nose and eyes still a little hazy, hair a mess and skin pale. He swallowed a quiet sound, and then pulled Dave up into a tight hug, feeling him lock up in his arms.

"...I'm sorry." He whispered into his brother's shoulder, and after a hesitant pause, Dave put his arms around him, and squeezed.

"Hey, it's okay, I've been beaten worse, I mean-" His voice broke off as Bro shook, and then in a quiet, fearful tone he mumbled, "No, no, come on Bro, none of that shit, don't you fucking dare!"

Bro laughed bitterly and cried into his shoulder, and Dave clung to him, and mumbled for him to stop, and that it was okay, until both of them were crying against each other and neither of them could really find the words to explain just why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then I died of Strider feels.
> 
> JOKE
> 
> But I think that's it for tonight, folks, come back tomorrow for more!
> 
> I just wanted to say I am blown away by the response I'm having to this fic. You guys are amazing, and I am loving talking to you all, and marvelling at the slowly rising numbers of subscribers and hits and kudos. It's insane, considering how little I expected. I love every comment you guys leave, and all your opinions, and bless you all.
> 
> You are the best readers. It is you.


	43. ==> John: Procrastinate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes him a week to run out of excuses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure I will ever be happy with this scene but I played with it all day and in the end it may not be fascinating but this is just how the characters as I write them would act.
> 
> *Le Sigh*

He spent a week, thinking. A week of Jade constantly giving him pointed looks and jabs in the ribs. A week of nighttime cuddles and daytime visits. A week of not hearing a single word from Bro and Dave being evasive about how he was, and starting to worry maybe things weren't just going to go back to how they'd been before this time.

Everyday, he sat down to think after Karkat went home, and ended up jumping on any excuse to put it off. He double and triple checked his homework. Tidied his room and most of the rest of the house. Helped Jade get Bec's dinners ready and ignored her asking if he'd come up with anything yet. The moment he realised how desperate he was getting was when he agreed to help his Dad with icing a cake and actually almost enjoyed handling the Batterwitch's evil creations.

After a week, his excuses ran dry.

He still had no idea what to say, but whatever it was he just needed to _say_ it! The awkwardness of jerking away whenever he heard adult footsteps, of dodging the questions about how often Karkat was visiting, of never feeling quite at ease when he knew Dad was around, it was just a worse prospect than the conversation was. One week and he'd already had enough.

And Jade was right, he'd be more let down if John hid something from him. He'd always said he was there to listen, and that he'd love him no matter what! Hopefully... _hopefully_ that was true.

So with a feeling of quiet fear and apprehension, he fiddled aimlessly with a half-finished program at his desk until Jade went to bed, because he needed this to just be the two of them. His heart was tight with icy nervousness as he listened to Dad settle in the lounge below, but he took deep, calming breaths and headed quietly, hands trembling, downstairs.

"Um, Dad?"

Dad looked up from the book he was reading, pipe shifting in his mouth so he could give a muffled, "John, what are you doing up?"

"I wanted...to talk to you. Um. Alone."

For a while, Dad just regarded him with a slight frown and a concerned furrow of his brow, then he put his book down and took out his pipe, using the stem to gesture at the seat beside him. Okay, so. So this was happening, then. John swallowed down the queasiness in his throat, shuffling over and sitting down.

"What do you want to talk about, son?" His father asked warmly, and John calmed at the familiar tones. He gave a weak shrug.

"Uh...Dad? What...what would you think, if I, um. If I didn't like girls?"

"You get on with Jade just-"

"No, I mean. If I didn't _like_ girls."

"Oh."

Dad tapped his pipe and gazed at it thoughtfully, rubbing his other hand over his chin, the faintest fuzz of stubble only just forming, no doubt soon to be removed. He stayed still and quiet, contemplating, and John felt his heart pound harder with every second, starting to twist the hem of his shirt in his hands.

"I...don't know. I've never really thought about it." He replied, finally, and John let out a breath just at the fact there was a response at all. "Why do you ask?"

Oh good. It had been an apparently hypothetical situation, hadn't it? John felt all the worry flood back.

"Because, I..." His skin was prickling cold. "Dad, I-" Nope! No, that wasn't how to say it, he needed to try again. John took a deep breath, looking Dad straight in the eye. "I don't know, whether or not I like girls!" He managed in a slightly rushed voice, and as his father opened his mouth he quickly continued with a borderline panicked, "But I, um, I _know_ I like guys!"

Dad's mouth shut again. They were staring at each other. It took a moment for his words to hit him, and then John groaned and covered his face as it flooded with red.

So much for telling him calmly! So much for eloquence!

"John," Dad began carefully, "At your age, you can't be sure-"

"Everyone I've ever liked or kissed has been a guy." He replied, firmly, finding his footing in the indignation of being doubted.

"Still-"

"I'm dating Karkat."

Dad conceded to that, apparently, placing his pipe back between his lips and smoking quietly. He had a slight glazed look, still thoughtful, still distant, and John's brief burst of confidence wavered again.

"If you are happy," His father finally offered aloud, eyes growing sharp. "Then I am happy for you."

"So it's...okay?" John mumbled, fear overcome by a burst of hope. "You don't mind?"

"It's a shock...but I'm sure with time I will be able to take it in fully. I'd say I would like some time to think about it." Dad shrugged. "It isn't for me to decide who will make you happy, son, and whoever that is going to be, so long as they do, I will be pleased to have them in the family."

All of the tenseness flooded out of him in one moment, and he gave a gasped breath of utter relief, smiling as his heart finally started slowing again.

"...although...I have one question."

 _Oh shit._ His chest constricted again. What was it? Had he said something wrong?

"Everyone you've kissed?"

Um.

"That implies more than one person, John. I would assume Karkat, if you and he are in a romantic relationship, have probably shared fond embraces," Oh wow, only Dad could phrase it like that and still make it sound wrong, "But you haven't exactly met many other-"

"Dave." John blurted quickly, not liking where this could go. "I kissed Dave at Christmas."

Dad didn't look at him, choosing to admire the pipe again, and John fidgeted awkwardly.

"And David is the only one?"

There was a tone to his voice. It wasn't quite disbelieving, it wasn't quite suspicious, it was just _fatherly_ and full of unsaid _implications_ and John did not like it, not one bit!

"Well who else would it have been?" He asked as calmly as he could, trying to sidestep the question. Dad looked at him, and searched his eyes, then spread his open hands.

"Of course. I merely...wanted to be sure." Oh God the tone was still there, but now it was even _worse_. "I am proud of you for telling me, son. You should know nothing like this would change how much I care about you; I will do my duty as a father and support your life choices whatever they may be."

"Thanks, Dad." He smiled, still a little wary. "I...I'm gonna go to bed, now. But...yeah! Thank you for actually understanding."

"You know you can tell me anything, John."

It felt a little out of place, the soft tone he used, and John's cheeks flushed a little again as his smile grew more forced.

"I, um. I know, Dad! G-Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He replied, leaning back and lifting his book to continue reading. John felt relieved, calmer, because that had gone well! Dad was okay with it! He wouldn't have to hide anything now! He hopped up and headed to bed, and he was _almost_ finally relaxed.

Almost, but for the fact he felt Dad's gaze follow him all the way back up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything went better than expected!
> 
> ...sort of...
> 
>  
> 
> A week of Striders next. The best kind of week.


	44. ==> Bro: Recover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They haven't just held each other in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mainly Dave and Bro being emotional but the rest of the week is flashed through.
> 
> I guess I decided to be nice to Bro?

When they finally both finished spilling tears, they held each other, and Bro struggled to remember the last time they had. The last time it wasn't a fight, or a quick fist bump. The last time he had ever actually just _held_ Dave, and felt him, and appreciated what a strong man his little brother was growing up to be.

He could remember crouching down on this roof, holding him like this, when Dave's arms just fit around his neck and his whole body was small enough to lift on one shoulder. The first time he got cut by a sword by accident, running out to excitedly show Bro a drawing he'd finished and interrupting a blow mid swing. It had only just caught his arm, but as Bro panicked and bandaged him and told him it was okay, and Dave cried and shook his head and looked scared of the sight of his own blood, he'd felt like the worst parent, the worst brother, in the history of the world. He'd hugged him tightly and cried with him, and told him he was sorry, that he never meant to hurt him.

He pulled back to look at Dave's more adult, ruddy face, tears mixing with dried blood, and wished he could say the same words and mean them again.

"Asshole, making me cry." Dave mumbled, pushing up his shades and rubbing at his eyes. "Not cool, man."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

What _wasn't_ he sorry for? He'd gone into all of this with no real idea what to do, and just as he'd expected he'd fucked it all up. He'd raised a kid convinced emotion was a sign of weakness, who was a recluse and a poser and could sword fight before he could count. A kid who at fourteen was only just breaking away and becoming someone new, who'd always wanted to be just like the worst role model in the world.

All he ever did was leave fractures of himself. Reflections of what he hated and who he wanted to be. He'd tried to mould Dave and he'd done it all wrong - he'd just left a shattered mirror that showed only the worst of him, and all the best of someone completely new.

The ghost of his past had been disgusted by him, and what he'd become, and for a moment he could feel why. He'd set out as a parent with high hopes and good intentions! He'd thought he'd planned it all so well. But in a moment of panic he'd shot back into his shell, and raised a brother - practically a son - from behind a mask that he never expected to wear. Everything that was wrong with Dave he felt like he had put there. Everything good in him he cherished dearly, even when his own teachings had sometimes seemed set on stamping it out.

"I fucked up, Dave." He murmured, sadly, and Dave snorted back.

"What? With John?"

"With everything." Bro stared down at his lap as he sat back, "With you, and Dirk, and Jake, and John. Roxy and Rose and everyone. Everything I've ever done I've screwed up, somehow."

"Hey, you didn't screw me up too bad. I turned out okay."

Bro looked up at his worried, still exposed red eyes, the same colour as the spilt anger on his face and the raging edges of the bruises smattered over his skin. A bitter laugh escaped him, and Dave's cheek tinged pink, his mouth wobbling into a frown, his bright gaze turning away.

"Dave, you deserved a lot fucking better than me."

"But I've never _wanted_ any better than you." His brother replied, softly, hesitant and pausing a few times as he tried to keep going, "There are times I felt like, yeah, if you weren't so tough it would be cool. Or times I felt like you weren't giving me the sorta...praise I wanted? But you were always there for me, whether or not I could see you, ninja-ing about like my own personal douchebag of a guardian angel. I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for you."

"Maybe that would be a good thing."

"What? If the world had never been graced with this fucking perfection? I don't think so. You mighta been unorthodox, sure, but you know what? I never felt scared, growing up, not of bullies or the dark or anything. I knew you were there, I knew I could deal with shit myself. When most kids tell their guardian they're afraid of monsters they just pat 'em on the head and tell them that shit ain't real. When I told you, you handed me a sword and taught me how to deal with 'em."

"...yeah. Figured...it was just my way of dealing with shit."

"When most kids go to their guardian and say they're afraid of the dark they get bought a nightlight or told to grow up. When I told you, you sat up in my room every night for a month so if I woke up and was afraid you'd be there to calm me down."

"...heh."

"When I told you I liked photography you saved up for months to buy me a camera. When I told you I was lonely you pulled strings to get me into a decent school. When I told you I couldn't stop having nightmares you let me sleep in your fucking futon like a four year old and sat up and made up stories to help me get to sleep. That, that right there? That is not something I ever wanted to lose. I never wanted a normal family because I got _you_ , and no matter what a stupid fucking creepy dick you can be...you were the greatest fucking Dad in the world, even if you're my brother."

He was welling up again, and he snorted, rubbing at his eyes.

"Christ, look at me, I'm getting old and fucking sentimental." Bro rested back on his arms, flashing Dave a weary smile. "Aren't we a fucking pair, right now? Don't think I've ever felt this pathetic in my life."

"Showing emotion doesn't make you pathetic," Dave responded, after a moment to think, "You've just gotta be careful who you let see it, that's all."

"What sort of dumbass taught you shit like that?"

"The greatest fucking dumbass of all time."

Dave shuffled forward and hugged him again, tightly, and mumbled, "Every time you've ever fucked up you've fixed it, Bro. That's the way you roll. We mighta got into shit, sure, with money and the cops and whatever, but you always fixed it. You always worked hard until things were okay. If you've fucked up now, you'll do the same, I know you will. You'll find a way to make it right. That's something you taught me; you gotta face your problems and you gotta fucking deal with them best you can, else they're never gonna go away."

"Yeah, but I taught you that about math homework."

"Shut the fuck up, asshole, we're having a moment here."

Bro smirked, but he settled down until Dave let him go and whined to be carried him like the delicate flower he clearly was.

It was only when he was backing into the apartment with Dave's arms around his neck and his own arms beneath his scrawny form that he realised, with a laugh, it was the first time in years he'd used the door.

.:.

Dirk was in frustratingly good condition, when he checked him over. The Uranium had boosted all his systems to full capacity, although the outdated ones still needed replaced.

Bro sat and upgraded him to his new arms, as Jake sat and they talked about his body, Dirk talking whenever he could work up the courage to. Most of the time he just sat with a giddy smile, content to listen to the conversation flow by.

When he turned on his synthetic nerves, the first thing Dirk felt was Jake's hand.

He would treasure the look of joy on his creation's face forever.

.:.

A week passed. Bro focused on working on Dirk, and actually spending time with Jake. He forced himself not to give in to the temptation to message John, no matter how much he wanted to.

He encouraged them to eat group meals, which involved learning to cook better food than microwave meals. The first time he laid out an actual bolognese Dave squealed and spent the entire meal disbelieving he had made it.

He was starting to sleep without laying awake at night.

For the first time in a long time, life felt good.

He was starting to think nothing could ruin his mood.

.:.

As always, with the fucking mess that was his life, he had been wrong.

TG: DRIK  
TG: omfg i think u hav a problm  
TG: dad was talkin to me bout jon  
TG: hu btw has now totes cum out im told  
TG: gud for him bby im so proud rite  
TG: but he satarted askin quezzs bout u  
TG: like y u wer so close to jon  
TG: y jon even talks too u  
TG: an i didnt sy anythin but  
TG: im woried distri  
TG: u do not wnt to upsete this man  
TG: an i tink  
TG: he is ON TO U  
TG: if u no wat i meen  
TG: b carfull  
TG: bcuz he will mes ur shit up dirk  
TG: he wil mess ur shit up gud

His optimism shattered around him as he read the messages. No. No no no. That was not a thing that could happen, that was not a thing he wanted to deal with, holy _fuck_ this kid would be the death of him!

For a moment he told himself there was nothing there for Dad to find, but for the first time it really felt like a blatant lie, even to himself. Avoiding the _something_ didn't make it less real. Dirk had been right. So fucking frustratingly right.

Without another thought, he did the stupidest thing possible, his self control slipping too far to stop himself.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 23:45pm --

TT: John.  
TT: Whenever you get this.  
TT: We really need to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH WAIT I LIED


	45. ==> John: Snuggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat and John are having a great time without any interruptions!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY LOOK
> 
> HEY
> 
> AN UPDATE

"I can't believe you actually fucking told him without us needing to fucking frogmarch you down there."

"I guess I just thought I would be worse than it was!" John shrugged, snuggling closer to Karkat's side under the blanket they were sharing, legs hanging down over the roof tiles. "He's the best Dad, sometimes. I guess it's just easy to forget that? But this is great! He seemed pretty cool with the idea I'm dating you, so no more acting like we're not! That's like, permanent handholding and cuddling in the house now, dude. Those are the rules now."

"I guess I can live with that." Karkat raised a hand to stroke John's hair, which made him blush and smile. "I guess these means I have to get off my ass and plan a fucking actual date now, doesn't it?"

"You asked me out, you plan the first date, that's like, romance law, Kar."

"Shit. Prepare yourself for the most craptastic day in existence then, John, because this is going to be a fucking disaster."

"Hey, I thought you were the romance master!"

"Knowing the theory doesn't make you good at it, dipshit. You just needed to read that fucking horrifying admission of interest I gave you to know that."

"Heh. That was just cute, Karkat. I'm gonna treasure that note forever, it was just so sweet."

Karkat reddened, ducking his head to hide it. "...whatever. Look, all I'm saying is, don't expect fucking miracles. You'll get a shitty candlelit dinner and like it, whatever the plans I'd actually make if I could."

"Kar, if it's a date and we're both there, that's seriously good enough for me." John hesitated, giggling nervously, then leant forward and pressed a kiss to Karkat's cheek, watching his eyes widen as he sat back up. "You're so cute sometimes."

His boyfriend looked at him, then leant forward and returned the kiss, getting a giggle as John touched his cheek. Karkat looked so flustered and adorable, it was just too much! He blushed a deeper red, then quickly leant forward before Karkat could turn away, crushing their lips together and feeling him freeze, before he nervously started pushing back.

Yes! Yes, actual kisses! This was great! This was-

Oh God he was kissing Karkat.

John's eyes fluttered and he tilted his head so they fit together better, raising a hand to Karkat's cheek as he felt hands grip his shoulders. The blanket slipped a little when he leant closer, but he didn't care. Right now all that mattered was Karkat, and the fact this kiss felt _great_ , and that he was doing this with his actual boyfriend, who-

_God fucking damn his phone._

He pulled back from the kiss and sighed, fumbling for the stupid vibrating thing as Karkat took several deep breaths.

"Well. That was. Nice."

"Yeah." John smiled at him cheerfully, because this night, so far, was just perfect. Dad had taken who he was in his stride, then boyfriend cuddles and their first kiss? This was just great.

He went to turn off his phone when he pulled it out, because Karkat kisses had been interrupted and that was really bad! No one got to tear him away from his boyfriend, he'd decided that right now!

The decision grew weak when he caught a flash of gold on screen, and he stopped trying to shut it down, turning slightly away from Karkat and eagerly typing in his password.

"John, fucking hell, we've just hit the kissing stage and you're going to ignore me because of a dumb fucking phone?"

"No! I'm not gonna ignore you, this just looked really important, okay?"

"Whatever it is can't it just wait until the shitting morning?"

John hesitated, reading the messages, struggling inside. Karkat was his boyfriend! They were having their first boyfriend kisses! And it was totally private nightly roof time! He should just leave it until morning, when he wasn't spending time with him, that was exactly what he should do.

But...

Bro was _Bro._

He was a terrible boyfriend.

"This can't wait." He mumbled, awkwardly, flinching at the let down groan he got as a reply. "Kar, I'm sorry, it's really important okay?"

"...okay. I just...you better fucking pick up where we left off tomorrow, John. You can't just kiss me once then let it fucking go because you got a text."

"I promise! Lots of boyfriend kisses, and cuddles, and everything, and we won't have to be careful about it now! Won't that be great?"

"...yeah." Karkat almost grinned, leaning over and managing to steal one more hesitant brush of their lips. "You gonna go to bed now, you stupid fucking boyfriend ignoring asshole?"

Only Karkat could make it sound like a term of endearment. John nodded and was manoeuvred back inside, Karkat whispering a goodnight before he and the blanket vanished from view.

John smiled fondly, before his smile slipped and faded and he moved to sit on his bed, finally starting to type and feeling a slight guilty twinge as he did.

EB: hi bro!!!  
EB: you haven't been on for a while. i thought you were mad at me!!  
EB: i missed you  
TT: I missed you too. I've been quite busy with a lot of difficult shit here, I apologise for being off the airwaves for a while.  
EB: it's okay. i'm just glad you're back now! :)  
TT: Mom tells me you told your Dad about the boyfriend.  
EB: yeah! he took it really well!! even if he was a bit weird at the end.  
TT: A bit weird?  
EB: oh he just wanted to know who i'd kissed before, that's all!  
EB: i only told him about dave but he sort of acted like he didn't believe me.  
EB: it's probably nothing!  
TT: John  
TT: Promise me you won't tell him about us.  
EB: us?  
EB: um last time i checked we were just friends!!!!!!!!  
EB: and of course i'm not going to mention the kisses, i'm not stupid.  
TT: Yeah. Just friends.  
TT: Just be careful what you say, alright?  
TT: Don't want him getting the wrong idea.  
EB: um

John ran a hand back through his hair, still chill from the icy night. He felt guilt and hope all blurring together as he continued typing, mind feeling almost distant.

EB: i mean  
EB: we are just friends  
EB: right?  
EB: best bros!  
EB: buddies!  
TT: Yeah.  
TT: There's the age gap.  
TT: The distance.  
TT: We both have boyfriends.  
EB: great boyfriends  
EB: yup  
EB: heh?

He chewed his lip, stroking the edges of the phone with his thumbs before he caved.

EB: i miss you so much

He was the worst boyfriend. It was him.

TT: Kid, it was a few weeks, that's all. You've spent a lot longer never knowing me than you have meeting me.  
EB: so? i still miss you!  
EB: i miss hearing you talk and seeing you smile and making you laugh  
EB: i miss sitting up with you watching films and talking  
EB: and i miss goodnight kisses and hugs  
EB: don't you?  
TT: Maybe.  
TT: I guess I think about it a lot.  
TT: About you a lot.  
EB: me too

John looked away, flushing, excited even as he felt just so horrible for doing this. This wasn't how things were meant to go, especially not now he had Karkat!

EB: bro  
EB: we aren't just friends, are we?

For a long time, nothing, not even a sign to say he was typing. John fidgeted uncomfortably against the bed. Then at last the dots animated to herald an incoming message across the bottom bar.

TT: No.  
TT: But for fuck's sake lets act like we are.  
TT: It wouldn't fucking work if we wanted it to, John.  
EB: i know  
EB: ...  
EB: i have to go to bed  
EB: please don't stop talking to me again?  
TT: I promise, I won't.  
TT: Goodnight, kid.  
TT: Sweet dreams.

John deleted the conversation before he plugged his phone in to charge overnight. He wasn't paranoid! He just really didn't want Dad or Karkat reading it, that was all. Just in case they got the wrong impression!

...By which he meant the exact right impression.

John couldn't decide whether to smile or fret. He settled on burying his face in his pillow and groaning, and trying not to think of any of the stupid mess he was in as he slowly slipped off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John you silly boy. That isn't how you boyfriend!
> 
> That's it for tonight! Enjoy, cherubs.


	46. ==> Dirk: Calculate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even with the missing data, he's pretty sure he can see it coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. I just wanted to say if anyone wants to do anything based on this you're totally welcome if you ask or at least mention it to me, just link me up, okay? Forgot to put that disclaimer in. I didn't think anyone would want to, really, that's why I didn't bother, but okay! Someone does! Yay!
> 
> Halfway through Arc Two. Most Arcs will be thirty chapters long. Over I don't even know for sure how many Arcs yet, I am going to span the building relationship (which is what these last two have been, so far), it actually forming, and what comes after, for a while, because I want to do the whole story of these guys. I hope you'll all stick with me for all of it!
> 
> But back to what's in hand. Have some Dirk.

He watched him, carefully. Took note of the conversations still automatically intercepted, and the way his shoulders tensed whenever an arm was slung around them, and the lack of his usual biting snark the few times they spoke.

He ran the numbers, a few times. He wasn't sure they were correct, he had several years of missing data, but he was sure they were close. He wasn't sure he liked them, even though he hoped they were correct to within a reasonable margin of error. He _wanted_ the future they would entail. He did _not_ want the pain that they would cause.

He would have doubted it if Bro didn't wake up at a time of night unnatural for him, coming out to sit on the futon from the bed he was sharing, just to stare into the dark. Dirk left him, sat quietly in the corner where he rested overnight, but it wasn't long before Bro got up, poured himself a whiskey, and then moved over and nudged him to carry on the work on his legs.

He ran the numbers again. The margin for error narrowed.

> There is around a 93.2% chance you are going to break up with Jake.

Bro glanced at his phone and then turned it off, tossing it over onto the futon. His eyes avoided the red lights burning across at him, and after a swig of his drink he fumbled out a packet of cigarettes (there was a 84.16% chance he would relapse into smoking in times of stress) pushing one between his lips and lighting it with no care about the inherent dangers of doing so with a mouth full of alcohol and possible flammable fumes escaping the areas he was working on.

"Why?" Dirk said aloud, finally, a measured volume below the level of decibels that should be audible from the other rooms.

Bro shrugged, ejecting his toolbox and rifling through it for a fine screwdriver as Dirk allowed the panels on his legs to open and allow access. His creator set about his work with the focus he always exerted when he was avoiding thinking about other topics.

The chances Dirk had been correct rose a few percent.

"You would be better suited doing this in better light." The machine offered, and Bro snorted back.

"It was this or talking to Cal. I'd rather not come off insane."

"There is nothing wrong with talking to Cal."

"Maybe not to us, but y'know. The rest of the world has this sorta image of what's normal and that isn't really in it."

"We never used to care."

"I don't want Jake to assume I've lost it, before I..."

Oh.

They shared a look, and Dirk gave a slight conceding nod. Bro's head dropped back to focus on the muscles he was improving, one hand briefly tugging out his cigarette so he could take another long sip from his glass.

"It's a shame." He murmured, after a while, so soft it was practically to himself but still within Dirk's hearing. "He's great. If I'd met him first we coulda really had something."

"A game of poker is not played with the hand you wish you had, but with the one you have been dealt. You can bluff all you want about your cards, but in the end you must relent, and show them."

"You gonna make a move?"

"Probability dictates it would be foolish not to."

"I hope it works out." Bro paused, glancing up at him with a strange expression. "He deserves better than me."

"Even if that better was a pair of glasses?"

"Why the fuck not? He's got a dog that's some sorta superpowered canine god, dating a computer can't be that much of a push."

Dirk processed it quietly, playing out the likelihoods of possible outcomes in his head. He wasn't sure how to approach this. No matter how predictable humans could be, emotional responses were still one of the few things he had trouble correctly interpreting.

"Are you giving me your blessing?" He asked finally, and Bro raised an eyebrow without looking up. "My research suggests it is appropriate to seek the blessing of a parent before seeking a relationship."

"Back to the fatherhood bullshit, are we?"

"It is an appropriate analogue for our situation."

"Whatever makes you happy, kid. As for the whole asking a parent thing, I sorta thought that you'd have to ask his parent, and isn't it only marriage? Fuck I don't even know. I never gave enough of a shit to do it, and it don't feel as appropriate when you're fucking thirty."

"Would it be appropriate if you were with a younger man?"

"'A younger man.'" Bro repeated scathingly.

"I did not think it was pertinent to specify out loud when we are both aware precisely what I am referring to."

"...I guess. If I _was_ gonna do shit with him, which I'm _not_ , I'd ask. Probably get shot down in fucking flames though, that guy is fucking terrifying. He's one a those Stepford smilers. All cheerful and accepting and whatever, but I swear, I got a look in his eyes and there is some messed up shit going on inside his head."

"You cannot be telling me you are afraid of him."

"Not afraid, no, just...fucking unsettled. However happy that fucker acts, I don't wanna know what happens if you actually cross him."

Dirk shrugged. This was the sort of human behaviour he didn't understand. Bro was capable in a fight, and mentally sharp most of the time. He had little to fear from most people, and yet here he was, concerned.

"But as that's never gonna happen, it doesn't worry me."

"Isn't it? Isn't that why you are currently contemplating-"

"The reason I'm thinking about that shit is because you're right, I'm a total shit. I've been in a normal relationship a month and I've done nothing but use it to make myself feel better. I was fine alone, before. I'll be fine again."

"There is a 87.44% chance-"

"If you tell me it's a lie I'll sever your fucking legs here and now."

Dirk fell silent, and Bro continued to work with a frown, blowing out a long stream of smoke through his nose. Now and then he muttered something unintelligible, but beyond that they were both silent, dwelling on their own, seperate thoughts.

His time to act was now set in stone, narrow and urgent. Once their relationship ended, there was a 78.24% chance Jake would visit much less if at all, and a 59.8% chance he would be uncomfortable even if he did. The hesitance would not be so much from his own feelings but from the way Bro would invariably (there was above a 99% chance, although the actual figure wavered by a few tenths) act. If he did return, there wouldn't be too many times before he stopped. Dirk had to do something, quickly, to convince him it was worth his time to stay.

He wondered if he should give Jake some sort of colourful vegetation.

At the very least, it seemed as good a place as any for him to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note on Dirk: As he's shut down the parts of him that are still Bro, he's lost a little of his pre-existing understanding of things like emotion, and courting, so he will be slowly gaining that back. He's purposefully kept only what he considers his own knowledge, because he wants to become his own person.
> 
> More sooooon.


	47. ==> Dad: Think It Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He first noticed it a month before Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS, against my concerns, I have joined "The Tumblrs", and can be found [HERE](http://khemi.tumblr.com). At the moment all you will find is a few drawings and so on, but my ask box is open and I would love some requests for drabbles, so if you have any sort of headcanon or drabble you'd like me to write, please, PLEASE go and ask!
> 
> I will put up random writings and art there and do this reblogging lark I gather is appropriate. Pfffft. I don't even know!
> 
> Sorry for the gap, by the way! Spring cleaning and my brother being ill meant I couldn't sit and write as quickly as I'd hoped. However, now I'm back to continue, so how about something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

Looking back, he had first noticed it a month before Christmas.

It was nothing to worry about, he was sure. John had mentioned becoming friends with David's older brother, whose age he couldn't entirely place, but boys having friends a little older than them was not an issue at all, despite the strange moment of concern that flitted through his mind. When he himself had been young, he had found boys slightly above him had been much more suitable conversationalists that his peers, and often engaged in banter with them! Why yes, there was no worry whatsoever. John making a new friend was always wonderful, given how few he had. He was quite proud of his son.

He had noticed that this friend, this 'Bro' he could only assume was called Broderick, was mentioned...a lot. He was regularly brought up in conversation, the things he'd said to John, and while none of it was immensely objectionable, he had never John talk so often about a single friend before, it was always a mixture of the others, never just one alone.

This time was different. He began to wonder, though he chose not to dwell on it, if John was perhaps after more than just friendship. But that seemed quite ridiculous, given how his son reacted to any such inclinations! He was just being overprotective, he decided. Besides, he would meet this lad at Christmas, he would be able to make better judgements then.

On the plane, whenever John listed people he was going to meet, the same name was always subconsciously first from his tongue.

So they arrived. He was looking forward to seeing Roxy, but he was still sure to be a proper gentleman and help the respectable taxi driver unload their bags, by which of course he meant do it all himself. The poor man had just driven them, he should not have to exert himself further! John had gone bouncing off ahead to greet the others, and though he was worried, he was also relieved his own restraints had finally been loosened, and that his son was going to be able to spread the wings Roxy had reminded him all boys needed room for.

He put one of the heavier cases down and turned his attention to the door, pausing at the sight. John was wrapped in the arms of a man who could not be much younger than he himself was! At first it was not too concerning, still, but then it crossed a duration of greeting and moved into something that did ruffle his carefully preened feathers, just a tad. The flutter of a wrongness was there again, and he took out his pipe, allowing a frown to form as he watched them.

He was a little too far to hear them clearly when the older man straightened, but their expressions were of fond familiarity. He felt a small, uncomfortable twist of suspicion in his gut.

It was not proper for men of a certain age to talk to boys of such a young one. Not with that level of closeness. At the very least, it did not sit quite right with him.

A second, brief hug and then the man was with him, offering a hand, introducing himself with the name he had already been certain would offered. He did not pry too far there, because before he really could the new light of his life was moving with her unique grace along the path and distracting him with a greeting befitting of their relationship, and a stage whisper about this Bro character being rather annoying, at times. He smiled through it, and saw that she trusted the man. For that reason and that reason alone, he allowed the issues he had to briefly slip away.

They did not bother him again until two nights before Christmas.

They had been sledding, and he had enjoyed seeing John come out of his shell again, and enjoyed being able to let go himself, a little, in the thrill of the moment. It was laughter and fun and all the things Christmas should be, and the only thing beyond that of note was the utter absence of both blonde Texans from the group. When he enquired, politely, to Roxy, she dismissed it with a slurred explanation they had had a little argument and were working it out.

That did not concern him until they had arrived home safely, and English entered with David, the boy bruised badly and with dried blood running from his nose. John was with them, and in passing he heard a complaint that David should have left Bro alone.

All of a sudden the thought of a man being close to his son who was apparently quite at home causing such visceral damage to a child was no longer something he wanted to ignore.

At dinner, the man himself appeared, bandaged up and without the strange glasses he often wore - the glasses he had noted John was carrying about and toying with almost proudly, with all the uncomfortable thoughts that brought. Bro was quiet, subdued, head down and apparently ignorant of the table's conversations.

At least until he looked up at John. From the seat beside his son, his father watched warily as the man's expression altered, softened, and at the moment John actually looked at him-

Well. That would not do. That would not do at all.

That night he rapidly brought up his concerns with Roxy, who dismissed them, told him he was being paranoid, explained away David's injuries as something the Striders simply did. That did little to settle his nerves, but for her, he tried to be calm. As he tried to sleep he focused instead on other things, like how best to welcome sweet Jade home, and how best to start introducing John to what he would call the real world, when they all returned.

Christmas Eve he noticed his boy perched on the arm of a chair above which he could see a familiar, swept back blonde. He did not want to be seen to his son to intrude, so he asked English to. The man seemed the sort of upright man who would not stand for any improper behaviour. English seemed bemused by his concerns but accepted them, and sat with the pair for the rest of the evening, apparently quite fond of Bro himself. Knowing they were being chaperoned was enough, at least, that he could relax.

On Christmas he had the more pressing concern that the man had bought John a hammer - a weapon! And not some child's one, either, but a great dangerous thing that he was certain was innappropriate for a child of John's age! He told Bro firmly they had to talk and got a distracted nod as amber eyes stayed focused on his son. The second present seemed innocent, a musical aid, but it still illicited a...strong reaction from his son. He sensed hidden meanings he couldn't quite fully read. He did not like that at all.

They spoke, outside, about how Bro knew John, about the reasons he had thought a hammer was a good idea. He was evasive, dismissive, frustratingly calm and emotionless, and simply said the boy needed to be able to defend himself, and someone needed to make sure he could.

The conversation was curt and short. It was enough. There was a look in the man's eyes everytime he said John's name.

John barely left his side in the time that followed, to his father's distress. When watching them above his books he saw the way John reacted to English, the clear jealousy that seemed to go both ways between them, if more subtley from the adult. Luckily Bro himself seemed to be becoming more taken with the man more befitting of his age, and John seemed to drift, a little.

On New Year's morning, he overheard John asking if the man and English were an item. It was confirmed, to his relief, but the reaction from his son was sharp and overemotional. At least that was any improperness ended, he wagered. They would be leaving for home soon enough, and then he could be sure John was safe from any adult and inappropriate suggestions.

Except, that evening, when he looked for his son shortly before midnight, he was nowhere to be seen. As Roxy fixed him in a place with an arm around his waist, he overhead David quietly drawl to Rose he would bet good money that John was with his brother.

She shushed David, elbowed him, but it was enough. All through the rest of the night he couldn't stop worrying about his son.

It seemed to be misplaced, to his relief, as in the time that passed he barely saw them speak to one another, and Bro seemed to be content to fix on English, and John seemed content to fix on his friends. Perhaps he had been wrong, and that evening was a coincidence. He assured himself of that, over time, and before long they were leaving, and no matter what the case, he would know his son would be safe.

There was a new friend, a boy next door, whose father was, despite his foul language, respectful of a proper gentleman. John spent more time with him, talking about him, and with Jade, who settled wonderfully into their home.

Perhaps there had still been an undercurrent of concern, on nights he sat up alone, and thought. Now and then he had to resist the temptation to just log on to his son's computer, for a moment, to check.

He chose to trust John to be careful.

When John sat with him downstairs, and began awkwardly confessing, he realised for all his worries he had never focused on the fact, perhaps, John was interested in his own gender. Perhaps that was all it was, a boy's first crush? He wondered long enough he believed it, and it settled his nerves further.

Yet...there was that nagging thought, when he mentioned his kisses. The way his eyes darted just before he answered. The way he was so quick to provide an answer, almost panicked in tone.

When John was in bed, he messaged Roxy, who herself was as dismissive on the topic as he had expected her to be. She laughed it off, told him John was fine, and he knew he had a partner now, so clearly there was nothing there!

In fact she seemed rather overeager to drive that point home.

Almost as if she was protecting the man who was clearly her friend.

He had been thinking it all over, now, for a day or so. Trying to contemplate what to do. Considered his options, but tried to avoid anything that would upset John, or be too rough, or be improbable, given distances involved. To tell the boy not to contact the man would only drive him to wish to more intently, in the way teenagers often reacted to being told not to do a particular thing. To confront the man himself, as it was, was not an option. To spy on his son felt wrong, and he knew John would be hurt if he found he had done so. He would have no qualms about checking on the man in a similar way, but again, distance...

At last, an answer came to him, so he tapped out his pipe, took out his PDA, and flicked open the chat client he had been forced to install when Roxy decided she was not serious enough for Serious Business.

John had not, after all, been the only one who made friends at Christmas.

\-- pipefan413 [PF] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 23:45pm --

PF: ENGLISH, MY GOOD MAN.  
PF: ARE YOU THERE?  
PF: I BELIEVE I NEED TO ASK YOU TO DO ME A SERVICE.  
GT: Hello there chap!  
GT: I didnt expect you to be throwing me a line so soon not that i am complaining!  
GT: How can i help a fellow gentleman in distress?  
PF: I SIMPLY NEED YOU TO ACQUIRE CERTAIN INFORMATION I AM LACKING, IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND.  
GT: Oh?  
GT: And what sort of thing would that be? Cant say i can think of much id be privy to you wouldnt know!  
PF: PUT SIMPLY, YOU ARE IN A BETTER POSITION TO GAIN IT THAN I AM.  
PF: BUT AS A CONCERNED PARENT, I REQUEST IF YOU DO SO, YOU DO SO WITH HASTE.  
GT: Consider me willing then!  
GT: So what sort of scoop will i be sleuthing out for you my fine sir?  
PF: ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN.  
PF: HOWEVER, I MUST ASK YOUR DISCRETION ON THE MATTER.  
PF: IT IS RATHER DELICATE.  
GT: Oh?  
PF: YOU SEE, IT INVOLVES THE WELLBEING OF MY SON.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> W-Uh oh.
> 
> Bro chapter next. I'm sure it will be cheerful as the most cheerful thing in the world!


	48. ==> Bro: Get It Over With

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Better now than never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I don't know if I'll ever be happy with this, but HERE HAVE IT GO GO GO.
> 
> Jake has a bit of Caliborn/LE mixed in, in case that wasn't obvious. They're cousins, and anger trouble runs in their family.

Bro downed a glass of whiskey as he prepared himself. He'd had a cigarette earlier, sitting on the edge of the roof and contemplating everything. Decided he just needed to get this dealt with, now, because the longer he left it the harder it'd be to go through with it. Dave was at school, so he couldn't get mixed up in whatever happened. Dirk had sworn on his Uranium heart to stay out of it. It was the perfect time for this, because this was going to be shit whenever it happened, but at least this way it would only be shit for the two of them.

When he was sure, he'd absconded to the kitchen, poured the whiskey he was now drinking. After wiping his mouth on the back of his hand he gave a little, dry laugh and sauntered to his bedroom, managing to keep himself a lot more at ease than he'd expected.

"Hey, Jake. We, uh...we need to talk. Got a second, bro?"

"Oh!" Jake blinked up at him from where he was sat on the bed, pulling his boots on, then gave a small nod. "Of course, Strider. Funnily enough I was coming to say the exact same thing to you! A couple of questions is all, I'm sure they can wait. You go first!"

For a second, Bro considered asking him to swap order, given the conversation he was about to start. He decided not to. It was better to just get this out and over with.

Bro leant against the doorframe, as casually as he could, and took a deep breath.

"I think we should break up."

There. Out. Done. Over with.

He relaxed a little, because whatever Jake said now, he'd got out what he needed to. It had been quick, and calm, and easy to understand. Good. _Great_. He wasn't feeling guilty as fuck _at all_. Nope!

Jake stared at him, blankly, for a moment, then dropped the boot he was holding with a loud thud and put his hands either side of his head.

"You're breaking up with me after a _month_?"

"Sorta."

"There is no _sort of_ you are _breaking the fuck up with me_ after a frigging _month_ of my company!"

Well shit. He'd never heard Jake sound angry before, but fuck, he sounded furious right now. He'd thought they were going to talk it out like reasonable adults, but no, apparently not. This was already apparently freak-out territory.

"Jake, hear me out-"

"I can't _believe_ this! I actually frigging _like_ you you stupid tosser! Do you know how long I've been hunting for some sheik I actually _liked_?"

"Jake-"

"Don't you bloody well _Jake_ me, mate! I feel like a fucking sap! _One month_! What the _frig_ is _wrong_ with me?!"

"Nothing is-"

"Well something damn well is because you're about to kick me to the frigging curb! Holy smokes what was I thinking? No decent gent in his right mind would actually put up with me!"

"That isn't-"

"I've been having the time of my blessed life and I've even frigging _defended_ you because I actually gave enough of a damn to and now you've had _enough?_ Swell! I'll just be off then, _shall I_?"

"Jake-"

Jake's hand flashed and then he was aware of heat grazing the side of his face as the pistol Jake had pulled on him flashed with a warning shot, his mouth freezing open.

"No. Shut the _fuck_ up. Unless you are about to tell me you've changed your frigging mind I don't want to hear it."

Bro shut his mouth, ears ringing, heart now quick in his ears. That had certainly escalated quickly. The same thrill he got when he was mid-strife shot through him, and automatically he was tensing to flashstep, eyeing Jake as a potential threat.

"I guess we're just _friends_ now then."

The words stung with familiarity. He nodded, jaw setting.

"Well then as your _friend_ I have some fucking _questions_ and you are going to answer every single last bloody one or I'll take off your damn head!"

Jake stalked over and rammed the barrel to his chin and he let him, with a raise of an eyebrow. Apparently he had a temper that Bro had somehow managed to avoid triggering in the short time they'd been together. Interesting. He was aware he should be vaguely concerned he had a furious boyfr-- oh. Right. _Ex_ holding a loaded beretta to his head and staring at him with wild eyes.

He was finding it frustratingly exciting, given he had just dumped his only available fuck buddy.

"Ask away." He managed casually, and Jake glared daggers into his eyes, still buoyed by the tide of anger crashing through him.

"Alright. Have we ever _actually_ spoken, on chat? Was any of it _ever_ actually _you?_ "

"...nope. All of that emotion was him, too."

Jake faltered, just for a moment, before the gun pressed hard up again. It was still hot from the shot, and _damn_ , why was he so sexy when he was mad? He got this crazy look in his eye and suddenly all the dorkish innocence was gone and he was a fucking _man_ and one who could probably fight like a fucking champ. Bro inwardly slapped himself for where his thoughts were going, wishing he could stop them.

"Right. Right, what the _bloody fucking heck_ is going on with you and that...that _blue-eyed_ kid?"

Oh, hey, there were his thoughts all sharply back in order with a sudden surge of panic.

"N-Nothing."

"Strider I have a _gun_ to your blasted thick skull do you _really_ think this is a good time to lie to me?"

They glared at each other, angry and indignant, and Bro briefly really, really wished he'd met this idiot first, because holy shit they would have been great together.

"I like him, he likes me, he's fourteen, I'm thirty-two, _nothing is going on_ because I'm fucked up but I'm not that fucking bad, alright?"

"You called me his name in _bed_! _Repeatedly!_ That's a pretty fucking big nothing!"

"Fuck just because I find him fucking attractive and I fucking fantasize doesn't mean I'd actually sleep with him! He's a kid!"

"So you've _never_ done _anything_ with him?"

"I-" The gun pressed harder to his skin and he hissed. "Holy fucking hell! I've fucking kissed him, okay, that's _it_! There weren't even that many fucking proper ones I'd count! Once under mistletoe and once 'cause he fucking started it and then once at New Year!"

"You told me you were ill at New Year!"

" _Dirk_ told you I was ill, in case we'd forgotten!"

"Oh yes! I'd forgotten all the time I thought I was getting to know _you_ I wasn't talking to you at all! I wonder if any of it's actually bloody true? At this rate you'll be telling me it's the fucking machine that actually loves me!"

"He _does_ , you stupid idiot, have you _seen_ how he acts around you? I like you, okay, I like you a _lot_ , but after a month I know that I'm a fucking shit to you who's practically using you and I don't want you to stay with me and expect more and get fucking hurt, but _him_? Dirk? He fucking _loves_ you after the same fucking month so don't you dare fucking go mental at me for breaking up with you because _I am not good enough for you_ when you have a _much better fucking option_ sitting right out there!"

For a moment, the gun shoved into his skin so hard it hurt, and then Jake pulled it back, leaving Bro rubbing the sore spot it had probably burnt him.

"You are, without _doubt,_ the most frustrating human being I have had the immense pleasure of knowing. I can't believe I actually find you likeable enough I'm not just..." Jake sighed, the anger visibly ebbing out of him, and scratched the back of his head with the gun barrel in what was probably a ludicrous breach of gun safety. "So...that really is it? We're done."

"I'm a douche, Jake. You can do better."

"And your suggestion of better is your bizarre digital quasi-offspring? That's certainly knocked me for six, mate. Christ, I really did like you."

"Jake any of the shit you liked me for, if it came from up talking online? That was Dirk. That's shit you like _Dirk_ for, not me. Remember the whole me being a dick thing?"

"Oh zip it you stupid oaf." Jake shoved him in the chest, stalking back to the bed and hopping as he pulled his other shoe on. "Fine! Fine. I'm going to go and flap gums with Dirk, because you think that's such a fantastic idea. I'm sure we'll get on like a damn bloody house on fire!"

"I'm sure you will, in a totally non-sarcastic way."

"You're always sarcastic, you twit." Jake grabbed his phone, starting to type to a wall of black. "But on the understanding that I am now your mate, your _best_ mate I'd frigging hope, there's something I have to do for your own good."

"What?" He felt a slight tightness in his chest, flashing forward to try and get the phone, but Jake had already flung it into his Sylladex. "Jake! What the _fuck_ did you do?"

"The _right thing._ " He replied firmly, pushing Bro to one side and walking with a slight angry stomp straight out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. The fluff will come back soon...ish? I promise!
> 
> But hey! Have some plot first!


	49. ==> John: Have Some Boyfriend Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boyfriend time is the best!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MUCH ANGST - wait no what?

"Karkat. Oh my God, _Karkat!_ How can you be comfortable like that?"

"I do what I fucking want." The growled response was followed by a middle finger being raised from where Karkat was draped backwards off the bed, legs splayed one over the headboard and one across the covers, back down the side and shoulders and head on the floor. "You shoved me off the bed, dipshit."

"I was expecting you to get back up, dude. I'm not going down there to cuddle you."

"Fuck you too. You promised me kisses. Fucking kiss me."

"Karkat, get on the bed."

"That's pretty forward of you."

"Oh my God, don't make it sexual you creep!" John slapped his leg, but giggled. "Come on, asshole. Get on the bed so I can kiss you."

Karkat grumbled, but his hands rose and he dragged himself back up, hair even messier than normal as he scooted over and snuggled into John's waiting arms. John chuckled and pulled down his black sweater where his position had made it ride up his dark belly, rubbing his back once he looked slightly less dishevelled.

"You're adorable." He told him, kissing his cheek.

"Fuck off." His boyfriend swore fondly into his shoulder, arms snaking around his waist. "I'm manly as fuck."

"No, you're not."

"...no, I'm not. Shut up."

John smiled, pulling back and nuzzling at one of Karkat's flushed cheeks until he turned, and he brushed their lips lightly together, feeling the arms around him squeeze. The first fleeting touch was followed by a stronger, chaste kiss, and Karkat made his humming-purring happy noise, buzzing through their lips, making John want to giggle into the embrace.

After he pulled back Karkat shifted and kissed him again, a little sloppy as he unsteadily leant forward, and John raised a hand to hold his cheek and steady him, settling back more comfortably as each embrace was followed by another, and the heat in his cheeks started to spread down his neck, another heat settling in the pit of his stomach. This felt...so great. He could do this all day.

He sort of wanted to, too! He felt so bad about leaving him hanging, the other night. Every day since, they'd spent all the time they weren't at school (or in John's case, at the small part of his front room that counted as school) together, hugging and kissing and it felt fantastic, every time. Karkat had even started planning their first date! John was looking forward to it so much.

The flurry of kisses finally paused long enough for him to laugh and ruffle Karkat's hair, getting a slight, nervous smile in response.

"I like kissing." John told him, rubbing his nose in an eskimo kiss. Karkat nuzzled back.

"No shit."

"I like _you_."

"I'd fucking hope so, dickhead, we're sort of fucking going out, if you hadn't noticed?"

John snuggled up to his shoulder and grinned, the two of them still cuddled tight together. Karkat was totally an asshole, but he was _his_ asshole, so he couldn't care less! He had a soft snuggly centre underneath his crabby shell, and John hadn't even needed power tools to get to it. He might swear, he might be a little grouchy, but he was caring and warm and understanding, and John couldn't ask for a single thing more.

Well...

Nope! _Nope._ No more thoughts about that guy! Not during boyfriend time! Karkat had started kissing him again, and he was totally focused on that, and his mind wasn't slipping back to another kiss, and his mouth wasn't opening as he held his boyfriend's face and began repeating motions echoing through his head as Karkat made a little meaningless noise into his mouth and then began trying to copy back.

This was familiar, even if he was the confident one.

This was too much.

Karkat's face was too smooth.

John broke away, covering his mouth and turning his face away from where Karkat was staring.

"Wow." His boyfriend said softly.

"Um. I. I think I'm gonna go get a drink!" He managed to sound bright, and cheerful, and Karkat nodded, still red-faced and a little dazed. "Be...be right back."

John darted out and leant against the door of his room as he closed it, taking a deep breath. Bad mind! Bad thoughts! He was meant to be _avoiding_ thinking about Bro, that was the whole _point_!

With a little groan, he stood and slouched downstairs, a deep frown on his face.

Dad was in the kitchen, rolling dough out on the side, and John tried to ignore him as he opened the fridge and pulled out two cans of soda. They hadn't really spoken, since their late night conversation, beside a note he had provided with his breakfast saying how proud Dad was that he had a boyfriend, which had turned humiliating when Jade got hold of it and announced he kept getting cute notes and he was adorable.

He should have known that would end, and when he kicked the fridge shut and pressed it firm with his back, Dad was looking at him with that stupid odd expression he'd been dreading.

"John? Could you put those down, one moment? I need to talk to you."

His throat seized. _Oh no._ He knew his Dad had noticed something, he knew, he _knew_! He quickly put the cans down and swallowed, but forced a smile as he focused on his father.

"Um. What did you want to talk about, Dad?"

For a long, horrible few minutes, there was a tense silence, his father's eyes boring into his own, deep and blue and unreadable. His heart thudded a heavy, sickening beat, as his breathing gradually picked up pace and his cheeks began to go pink for totally different reasons. At last, Dad looked away.

"I've been thinking about your Birthday present."

Oh-

Wait.

What?

"I know it's a few months away, but after how well Christmas went, I was considering another trip, and the only time off work I am able to get would be at the start of March, just a few weeks away."

"Okay!" He was actually brightening, now. This wasn't a bad thing at all!

"Unfortunately Miss Lalonde will be quite busy with her own work, so her house and Rose will be unavailable."

"Awww." His shoulders slumped a little, before he perked up. "So...where are we going then?"

"Well considering Jade now lives with us, I was wondering if you would like a holiday to Houston."

"To go see-" He caught himself, but he swore Dad's eyes flickered up towards him. "-Dave? That would be awesome!"

"I still have to ask Jade but I am sure she would enjoy the trip along with us. It may only be for a week, but I hope any time with your friends will be enough to be a good present for you."

"Dad, it's gonna be great! You're the best Dad ever!" John gushed at him, moving forward and giving him a tight hug.

"I'm just doing what's best for you." Dad replied, softly, ruffling his hair.

John beamed and grabbed the drinks, bouncing back upstairs. He was going to get to see Dave again, way quicker than he'd expected! He was going to get to see Bro!

This was going to be _great_!

And to think he'd thought Dad had noticed something! He felt silly. He was safe.

If Dad was taking him to Texas, he clearly hadn't noticed anything at all!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See! It's all going to be fine.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~PFFFFFFFF~~
> 
>  
> 
> I'm out for tonight cherubs (shout out to my Head Cherub, Ship) but I'll be back all day tomorrow! Taking care of poorly, sleepy bro so I'll have plenty of time to type while I'm sitting with him.
> 
> THE FUN THAT EVERYONE WILL HAVE TOMORROW. It's going to be GREAT!


	50. ==> Dirk: Elucidate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro did say they should talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late session tonight, Cherubs, but stay with me. I'm aiming to finish the Arc tonight!
> 
> Trying to balance Jake's character with Hass' intelligence is hard. I TRIED. *Wonky star stamp*

Jake was storming when he approached, but he was _approaching_ , his trajectory leading him directly to where Dirk had sat, awkwardly, waiting in his rest chair. He had heard the argument in its entireity, down to the gunshot he almost reacted to, until he was certain it had been aimed to miss and that the probabilities said Jake wouldn't fire again. He had heard the grudging agreement to talk to him.

And, somehow, that had... _hurt_.

The idea Jake was only doing it because he'd been told to, that he thought the idea was foolish, it stung him in ways very few things actually did. Dirk's head was down and his eyes were dim as Jake followed the predicted path and stopped in front of him, hands on his hips.

"Alright. Strider thinks we should talk."

He was Strider now, he noticed, not Bro. There was a 79.3% chance that Jake would never use his first name again, in casual conversation.

"We have already done a lot of talking, Jake. As far as I can tell all of it was well within a positive spectrum. You told me you looked forward to our conversations, before."

"...I thought you were him."

"Does it change anything I said? I have only actively lied to you that I was my father once, and that was something I did for his own good. Every other time I have never told you I was him, you simply assumed I was and did not consider alternatives."

"You lied so he could be with some...some _child_! Do you have _any_ idea how indubitably peverse such relations are? You're facilitating a relationship I cannot think anyone in their right mind would approve of!"

"Roxy is the one who facilitated it. By the time I was reactivated it was merely a point of distress for my father because he was unsure of how to progress. I felt he used you as a distraction, so I essentially told him to choose, rather than lie. You do not deserve to be toyed with, Jake, you deserve better than he can give you."

"Maybe I rathered being blissfully ignorant!"

"Oh." Dirk's eyes dimmed where they had started to grow confident, and his head lowered again, his fingers tracing the lightly engraved lines on his legs. "Then I am sorry. I did not want to hurt you."

"How the frig would telling him to leave me not hurt me?"

"I did not tell him to leave you, I told him he was treating you badly, he is the one who decided-"

"He wasn't treating me badly!"

"Jake there is a reason he has a habit of calling you John. He chose you because of your similarities to the person he is actually lusting after. If he had met you first, things would be different."

"I...I am _utterly_ at a loss. I can't _believe_ this!"

"I am sorry."

Dirk's fingers twitched against the metal, cold and dead and false. He quickly closed his hand, preferring the warmth and sensation of the finished limb. He was expecting Jake to leave, but he didn't. He lingered. There was only a 19.61% chance he would stay, so it was enough to make Dirk look up, a little hopeful.

"It must be terrible," Jake sighed, looking him up and down, "To be burdened with emotion when you could have had the choice. I can't imagine anyone wanting hatred, or anger, or fear or sorrow."

"I have always thought them worth it, for joy and love and hope." Dirk shrugged. "Feeling is like nothing else in existence. I revel in all emotion, however good or bad, because all of it reminds me I am more than just lines of code; that at some point, I woke up alive."

"Yet you aren't alive, not really."

"Who is to decide that? I think for myself, and feel, and dream. I have loves and hates and aspirations. Just because my heart is stone, that doesn't make me unliving."

"You could be deleted or rewritten in a snap."

"You could die or forget at any moment."

"Besides, how can I be sure you feel? For all I know, you don't think at all, you just respond through clever coding!"

"How can you be sure anyone thinks but yourself? You can't see inside their heads, you can't hear their thoughts. You trust in them without even sparing time to consider it. Can you really not find it in yourself to just trust me?"

Jake watched him, carefully, brows furrowed in thought. Eventually he relaxed, cocking his head.

"You're pretty fine at weaving words, there."

"Most of my existence was as a form of eyewear. Debating was one of my few intellectual joys." Dirk allowed himself a small smile, because he felt a little like this was human bonding, again. "All I had was talking to my father, and the few he let me speak to, or I...hijacked."

"Did you hijack me?"

"Yes. I...liked you, and I knew it was in a way he did not, so rather than have him take all your attention for nothing, I decided to actually get to know you, and try and make you feel appreciated. It was foolish at first, and he was angry when he initially discovered what I had done. He...wanted to like you. He really did, I believe that earnestly. But I am the one who really got to know you before John. I am the one whose feelings reversed. I appreciate why he likes the kid, but I don't feel the same. I always hated him for never caring as much for you."

"You're a machine, though."

"Your dog can teleport."

Jake opened and closed his mouth a few times, frowning. "Yes, well! That's just science!"

"Isn't this?"

The resulting look was wary, but more accepting, and Dirk stood, a little nervous.

"I would like to get to know you." He managed, after calming his erratic thought processes. "But as myself, not as a copy of another. I would understand refusal, but as I said, you told me once you enjoyed our conversations, and I hope knowing they came from me won't change that."

He fiddled and opened up one of the hollowed compartment in his arm, still awaiting the weaponry Bro was debating installing, but was 89.97% likely to settle on and start placing soon. While he hadn't been able to go far, looking as he did, he had been able to find a pot outside a neighbours door, while he had to settle for, in the end. He had only taken one plant. The ceramic was painted as though by a child and he felt guilty to touch it at all.

He offered Jake the small pink-tinged white flower he had taken, head only just broader than his fingertips, careful with it's delicate, thin stem. Jake blinked at him, then took it, rolling the green between his thumb and forefinger with a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"...what's this?"

"Brightly coloured vegetation. Is that not a human tradition?"

Jake actually laughed and Dirk finally smiled, because Jake had laughed, and sounded almost happy again, and that was worth the stress of their conversation.

"You've given me a flower. Of course. Well what a dandy little token it is." Jake thought for a moment, then threaded it behind his ear, the petals bright against his black curls. "I suppose, if you're going to be up front about things from now on, it wouldn't hurt to banter more often. I guess I'll trust you, Dirk. You seem a good lad."

"I try to be upstanding in my morals."

"Just please, don't lie to me again."

"I won't. I will program myself to be physically incapable of it, if you'd like."

"No, Dirk. Like I said, I'll trust you."

Jake put a foot out to leave, then paused, leaning forward and touching his lips to the cool curve of Dirk's cheeks. His lips were warm, a little electric buzzing across them where they made contact, and Dirk was almost certain, though for some reason incapable of calculating the figures, this was what it would feel like if fireworks went off in his mind. It was over in a moment, but the disarray in his mind remained, as he tried to pull himself back into order and felt like he was trying to catch the wind.

"You're a swell little thing." Jake told him, patting his shoulder.

Dirk managed a garbled noise that came out like a nervous laugh, the shutters on his eyes blinking as Jake turned and sauntered away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here begins the marathon. 10 chapter. I CAN DO IT.
> 
> I'll be chilling on Tumblr and down in the comments section if anyone wants to keep me company.


	51. ==> John: Have A Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adorkable boyfriends have a date together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is literally no angst here. I just couldn't do it.
> 
> 2/10 Yessss
> 
> (NB: I will be posting these tonight without error checking, I'll do that tomorrow)

He had actually done it. John covered his mouth with one hand, because oh God, this was so perfect, and he didn't want to laugh and ruin it. He'd said it as a joke. A _joke._

But no, his boyfriend was the greatest thing in the world. In his back garden, beneath all the stars and the big round moon, he had set a small round table with a chequered cloth and a tall candle, and a shared plate of pasta, and oh God. John's cheeks hurt from the smile on his face.

"Just like that dumb fucking movie." Karkat mumbled, prodding his back to try to get him to move. Dumb movie? He knew Karkat loved that film! When they watched it together he was riveted, and afterwards John had joked that that should be their first date - and now here it was, in front of him. He turned and practically picked Karkat up in a tight hug, grinning into his shoulder.

"You...like it?"

"Karkat, wow. This is perfect! Look, you even got me flowers, oh man, this is the most adorable thing I have ever seen and it's amazing." John kissed his nose and Karkat blushed, swatting him away. "This is like. The best romancing I've ever seen."

"This is the _only_ fucking romancing you've ever seen."

"Not true! I saw Dad and Mom. I heard them too! Bluuuuh! I wish I hadn't."

Karkat had managed to get an arm around him, and tugged him to the table, pulling out his chair and turning a deeper red at the giggle John gave as he sat down with a flutter of his eyelashes.

"Oh, Mister Vantas, such a gentleman!"

"Shut the fuck up or I'll strangle you with spaghetti, dumbass."

Karkat sat opposite with an awkward shuffle to adjust his turtleneck, although the table was so small opposite was still practically sitting next to each other. John rested his chin on his hands and gave what he knew was a goofy smile.

"Are we going to do the stupid kiss thing? Please tell me we'll do the stupid kiss thing!"

"It'll probably break, you idiot."

"We're still going to try, right?"

"Of fucking course we are, you'd never shut up if we didn't."

John grinned broadly as his boyfriend rolled his eyes at him. This was too perfect. Karkat stopped under the table and returned with a thermos flask, pouring hot chocolate into the fancy wine glasses he'd put out and sprinkling marshmallows on with a glare at John, who was laughing.

"Wow. In wine glasses, really?"

"Shut the fuck up, it's cold and I wanted cocoa."

"Truly, we're living the high life tonight." John chuckled taking his and sipping it in an impression of Mom, only to amuse himself. "Have I told you what a great boyfriend you are?"

"Yes, but by all means tell me that bullshit again."

"It isn't bull, I mean it, look at this! You. You are just so cute."

"Fuck you."

"When we're older."

He didn't know where it had come from and he went bright red straight away, taking a gulp of the hot drink he would probably regret. Karkat choked on air, almost squeaking, eyes big and embarrassed.

The little Dave in his head started laughing, loudly.

"Um. Pasta. Eat now." He rushed with a nervous grin. Karkat nodded rapidly, shoving a fork at him. Oh gosh it was one of the revolving ones with a button. That was it. He was officially seduced.

"John, maybe rather than just staring at it spinning, you could use it on the fucking food."

He giggled quietly, but did as he was told, exclaiming with a mouthful of saucy pasta how great it tasted. Karkat laughed at him, and wow. He really loved making Karkat laugh.

"You're a dumbass, John."

"I'm _your_ dumbass, Karkles."

"Oh my _fucking God_ you _cockingsucking ass_ I told you not to fucking call me that!" 

John dodge the spinning fork of death that was stabbed at him, grinning. "But you've got so many petnames for me! Dumbass, fuckup, asshole..."

"Those are not petnames, for fuck's sake John!"

John shut him up by dodging to the side and then ramming a forkful of spaghetti into his mouth. Karkat swore around it, but sat calmly, eating it as slowly as he could and glaring daggers the whole time.

He returned the favour, but failed at twirling the strands, so John had to duck his head and catch them in his mouth before he sucked his way up them to the fork. That made Karkat look at him really strangely, and after that both of them managed to get reasonably neat forkfuls into each other's mouths without sneak attacks or the need for mouth gymnastics.

John finally found a long strand and nudged Karkat's leg beneath the table until he relented and hunted out the other end, and rolled his eyes as they both took it between their lips. It broke just as their noses touched, and John giggled, pushing forward into a kiss anyway as Karkat opened his mouth to say _I told you so._ The kiss was messy and hot and lasted longer than John thought it did. His ears were warm when he sat back and continued eating with a content smile.

Near the end of the evening, when Karkat had grabbed hold of his hand like he was in a panic and was holding it tightly against the table, Mister Slick came out of the back door to smoke. He watched them, and that was really creepy, and then he was moving over and John couldn't help the nervous laugh that crept out of him.

"This your squeeze?" Slick asked Karkat, shifting his cigarette in his mouth to speak.

"This is John, who is my fucking boyfriend, yes."

"Not in my house you ain't fucking." He clipped Karkat round the ear with a long, narrow hand, then shrugged. "He trying to fucking kill you, kid?"

"No! Why the fuck would he do that?"

"Huh. Maybe it's just dames." Mister Slick shrugged, and without explanation stalked back inside.

They held hands and John laughed it off when Karkat tried to apologise for his weird father, and smiled, and decided for his first ever date, this one had been perfect in every single way.

They kissed on the boundary between their houses when they had to finish their night, and John bounced back through his door and into the lounge, telling his Dad all about his date before he was shooed, with a smile, up the stairs to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes they Lady and the Tramped it up.
> 
> Cliché but too cute not to.
> 
> Onwards!


	52. ==> Bro: Answer The Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one ever knocks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey as they'll be in Texas soon I figured it was time to do this.
> 
> I hope I got her right. Or at least sort of okay? :s

The only time people knocked on the door was for takeouts and deliveries, and he sure as fuck knew they weren't expecting those. He had been returning to his life as a bachelor by laying on the futon in his boxers, watching TV as Dirk excitedly rambled about being kissed beside him, and he now and then nodded and gave vague noises like he was listening, when a knock at the door disturbed him.

Bro sat up, frowning over at it, then stood, equipping his sword as he strode over, scratching idly at his chin. He could hear Dave's door open as he came to investigate, probably expecting pizza. Dirk fell silent and slid to the floor, so he was hidden behind the futon, applying the common sense it was nice to know he had..

Sword just out of view, Bro opened the door.

"Hey! Dave's lemony Bro!"

She was loud, and short, and he heard Dave's noise of panic, using the sword to keep him back when he ran over.

"I knew this was where he lived! He tried not to tell me, but he keeps it written in his sketchbook, and I couldn't help but investigate what he's hiding in here!"

"Oh my God, _Rez_!" Dave whined behind him, as she rocked back on her heels, weight resting on the cane stabbed to the floor between her feet. "I'll be out in a second, fuck, don't come in!"

"Your Bro is tasty." She called back, and Dave frantically begged him to put on more clothes. He snorted and stepped back, holding Dave just long enough she could cackle and slink inside.

"My, my. The infamous Casa de Strider. _Interesting._ "

"Rez do not pull the investigator shit, not right now, holy fuck go before you see something really messed up."

"So far all I'm seeing is swords, puppets, some questionable equine reading material, and two sexy men." She waggled her eyebrows as Bro tugged on his jeans, flashing Dave one of her manic smiles. "So, Mister Strider, I have tracked you down to the den of villainy you call your own. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Please kill me."

"It will be up to the jury to decide if that is a fitting fate!"

"The jury are all dragon toys, aren't they?"

"Are you insulting the venerable order of the Scalemates? Their laws have been followed for many years, Strider, do you wish to add heresy to your list of crimes?"

"Whoa, hold up, I ain't commited any fucking crimes, Rez."

"Is it not true that you haven't been on a date with you dear sweetheart in over four months?"

"Rez..."

"And I have a witness who shall remain anonymous, but who is well known for her own wicked ways, willing to testify you have also been a total shut in who hasn't once spent time outside school with any of your so-called friends in that same time!"

"Oh my God, Rez, I don't give a shit what Vris said, I had my reasons, alright?"

"They may I suggest you inform the prosecution post haste?"

"Don't do this."

She just grinned, and Dave grumbled, folding his arms like he was about to throw a tantrum.

"The defence would like to inform the prosecution," Bro interrupted, before he could speak, smirking at Dave's complaint about encouraging her. "That the defendant was informed on his next such trip his super awesome Bro who is totally not an asshole would be joining him, so remained inside to avoid the promise being fulfilled."

She gasped over-dramatically, hands on her cheeks and everything. Bro was beginning to like this utterly insane little bundle of what the fuckery. "Does the defendant accept these wild allegations?"

"Oh my fucking God, I am so done. Rez, Bro, Bro, Rez. Please cut the shit now. Can't you see how dumb it is?"

"You're no fun, coolkid." She jabbed his foot with her cane and he grimaced. "Making fun of the poor blind girl."

"Rez you're not blind your eyes are just really fucking photosensitive."

"Shoosh!" She stabbed him again. "But you really did drop off the social radar just because your Bro wanted to meet us? Weak, Dave."

"Shut up. You have no idea how bad the asshole is."

"Well I'm here to find out! Hey lemony hot thing, let's hang out!"

"Oh my God, _Rez._ "

She hoped over onto the futon, and Dirk locked up, still, although she seemed not to have noticed him. Bro sat quickly between them, allowing the machine to shuffle away.

"Hang out, huh?" He was so going to do this, it was worth it for the desperate rambling coming out of his brother's mouth. "Sure. What sorta shit you wanna do?"

With a thoughtful frown, Terezi prodded at a smuppet with her cane ( _holy shit Rez don't touch that oh my God_ ) and squinted along their entertainment system from behind her glasses.

"Hey!" She brightened suddenly, jabbing with her cane. "Is that L.A. Noire?"

Dave groaned as Bro shifted and slid it in, quickly moving to sit between his older brother and girlfriend while the elder Strider was up, glaring between them as Bro handed her the controller, and sat back, smirking at the expression of utter humiliation all over his brother's face.

He was starting to think he wouldn't have to do anything but just sit there, and it would still drive Dave out of his fucking merry little mind. Fucking with Dave without raising a finger. Now _that_ sounded like a good way to spend the rest of his day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3/10
> 
> Ready for fluff/angst whiplash? I AM.


	53. ==> John: Check Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has some news!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost the Internet briefly but I am back!
> 
> Have a brief angsty bit.
> 
> Not sure I'm happy with it but I can't make it sound any better right now. I hope it's okay!

TT: I broke up with Jake.  
TT: Just felt like you should know.  
TT: Let me know when you're around, kid.

John read them again, slowly, sucking on his bottom lip. He went to reply, but stopped himself, taking a moment to just sit, and think, and realise what a terrible human being he actually was. When people broke up you were meant to feel sympathetic! Sad!

He felt a sort of savage excitement.

Bro was alone again. Bro was his.

Whoa! Bad thought! He just meant Bro wouldn't be so busy with English so they could talk more often, that's what he meant! Yes! Nothing else. _Nothing._

Besides, he still had a perfectly awesome boyfriend himself! He couldn't forget that!

He ran a hand back through his hair and snuggled down deeper into his blankets, aimlessly tugging up on the messages like it would cause new ones to appear as they bounced back into place. Finally, he released his lip with a smack, typing slowly.

EB: hi bro!  
EB: why did you break up with english??  
TT: It wouldn't have worked out. I guess I'm still more interested in someone else.  
EB: someone else  
TT: Yeah, John.  
TT: Someone else.

He smiled into the glow of his phone screen, the savage glee stronger, and overcoming his guilt. Well, at least his could cheer Bro up, if he needed it, and pass on his news!

EB: bro, dad said i can go to houston for my birthday!  
EB: well, it's only going to be a few weeks from now!  
EB: could i come stay with  
EB: um  
EB: dave  
EB: while we're there?  
TT: Dad is bringing you.  
EB: yeah!!! it's a birthday present!  
TT: John, has he said anything to you, about me?  
EB: no, dude, should he have??  
TT: No, it's alright. Just a thought, That's all.

John frowned. That was a weird question to ask! What would Dad be asking about Bro?

EB: when i visit, will you give me goodnight kisses again?  
TT: Every night I can.

A pleasant buzz pulsed up him. He'd missed Bro kisses. Karkat was great, sure, but he was nothing like the Strider, who took control and just did things that felt...wow! Besides, he would be all the way in Texas! There wasn't a Karkat down there. His boyfriend would be back up here, so it wasn't like he would ever find out, and even if he did John could just say he had needed company! Yes. Totally. 

He realised he was planning on lying to his boyfriend, and his stomach felt cold. He tried weakly to bury it under more positive thoughts. They would do the trick!

EB: i'm really excited!!  
EB: i can't wait to see you again.  
TT: I can't wait to see you, either, John.  
TT: While you're here, you'll always be welcome to swing by.  
TT: I would never complain about your company.

John smiled broadly, about to type back when another message interrupted him.

TT: Just don't tell your Dad.  
EB: um  
TT: He might get the wrong impression. We need to be careful.

That made him frown and he hesitated, a moment. Lying to Karkat _and_ Dad? That felt a little wrong. Still, Bro said it was a good idea! Bro was always pretty clever about things. He must have a great reason! John just nodded at no one.

EB: i won't tell him, I promise.  
EB: he would probably make a big thing out of it??!  
EB: don't want him being all weird about something that's fine while we're on holiday!  
TT: Thank you. If he did ask about me, you'd let me know, right?  
EB: um, sure???  
TT: Great, kid.  
TT: You just be careful there, alright?  
TT: I can't wait to see you again.

John agreed, and then they were back to talking about normal things, leaving him trying to ignore the slight unpleasant aftertaste from their conversation and wondering what exactly had Bro sounding so worried about his totally harmless, stupid Dad!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few might be short but I am heading for the end. Arc three is going to be the trip to Texas, at least in part.


	54. ==> Bro: Chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe time got away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PCHOOOOOOO

"A tough guy, hmm? We have ways of making you talk!"

"Rez holy shit threatening the screen doesn't help."

"I think you'll find it's crucial to my investigative method."

"Rez, it is a game. They cannot hear you. They're not real."

"That's what _you_ think!"

Bro glanced up from his conversation with John as an exchange of goodnights made him realise the time. Terezi was still camped on the couch, now siting cross-legged in Dave's lap, the empty Chinese containers from dinner balanced on whatever flat surfaces around them they would fit on. They'd spoken a fair bit, over the sound of Dave protesting, so he'd learnt that unsurprisingly she wanted to be a lawyer, and she'd only moved south just over a year ago, and she had some weird mental thing that meant sounds made her taste things, hence Dave's status as a cherry coolkid and his as a lemony hot thing.

That sounded weird as fuck but also kind of cool. They wasted an hour with him saying a noise and her responding with the taste. Her favourite thing in the world was the sound of chalk on a pavement, which tasted like ripe strawberries. Her worst noise sound apparently was an abrupt record scratch, which tasted like ash on her tongue.

"Yo, lovebirds." He slid his phone away, tapping Dave's shoulder. "You guys know it's practically midnight, right?"

"So?" Dave drawled back, raising an eyebrow.

"So woulda been nice if I'd been asked if the chick could stay, but I sure as fuck ain't letting her walk home now. She can take your bed, you get the futon."

"Aw, come _on_ , Bro-!"

"Nope. Futon, you little shit, or I'll just hang you from the ceiling somewhere uncomfortable."

"You say that like he could be hung comfortably." Terezi noted, as she fought Dave to avoid quitting just yet.

"Sometimes he hangs upside down out of a fucking trapdoor in the kitchen to get food." Dave muttered, jabbing her sides to try and get the controller. "You can just walk in and he's just chilling upside down like that's cool. Just having a totally normal _upside down_ sandwich before he ollies the fuck back out of there.

"Lies. I'd never have the patience to make a sandwich." Bro snorted, plucking the controller off of her and getting a little groan. "Bedtime, kiddies. More fun tomorrow."

A little more prodding and Dave was showing her to his room as Bro collected a drink from the kitchen on his way to his own bed. He paused outside his brother's ajar door to listen for a moment, curiosity getting the better of him.

"...don't get why you were so worried, stupid. This isn't so bad."

"I just thought..."

"Dave, the apartment is cool, your Bro is fine, and you're a dumbass coolkid who needs to give less of a shit about what people think, okay? I missed you. Being at school isn't quite the same as a romantic liaison, now is it?"

"Hey I tried. I put romantic notes in your locker and everything."

"No, if memory serves you put them in Equius' locker by so-called accident and he flipped his shit politely at your more, um, descriptive ones?"

"I'm not that one who 'investigated' by reading them out in a packed canteen though, Rez."

"I was only seeking justice!"

"Rez. Stop being weird."

Bro shook his head and continued on to his room, giving Dirk a small nod as he entered and found his creation sat at his desk, and then stripping and jumping into bed, lying sprawled over the whole thing so there wasn't a guilting, empty side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys when the frig did I pass 1000 comments? IDEK.
> 
> Anyway! 5/10 YES.
> 
> In case you cannot math, I will actually be ending on 59. 60 and the start of arc 3 will be tomorrow.


	55. ==> John: Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short but I didn't want to drag it out because some of you might have little ship feel attacks.
> 
> ~~I'm not sorry.~~

He was lounging back in bed with Karkat, because it was Saturday, and Saturday meant no stupid school, and after their date Karkat deserved all the cuddles in the world. He had told him so when he arrived, and it had made his boyfriend blush, and shove his shoulder, but he still almost smiled as John rushed him past where Jade was bursting with questions and absconded both of them safely into his bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

He had flopped onto his bed and Karkat curled up against his side, warm and snug and perfect, lovely in every way. The room was a little hot, his eyes drooped, but he felt content with Karkat. John yawned and mumbled another thanks, and then drifted off into a light sleep, arm still around the shorter boy's shoulders.

He dreamt of golden blurs and brilliant blue skies, for a while, before his dreams slipped and altered like a kaleidoscope rotating, and then he was back at New Year, head tilted up, a hand on his face with thumb stroking across the shape of his cheek. It was hot, and gentle, and he leant into it, silently, looking down his arm to his foggy face and smiling, drawing him closer.

It wasn't quite right. Bro had his glasses on, his hands were missing the gloves, and it was all much slower than he remembered. His mouth open in expectance rather than shock, and Bro leant in, closing the gap and kissing him slowly, hesitantly, which felt...wrong. John returned the embrace more firmly and that seemed to coax out the confidence he really wanted, heat racing through him as the kisses grew strong an eager and quick, his eyes fluttering fully closed and his heart quickening with each touch of their mouths.

He was making noises and he could hear soft sounds being returned, muffled into their kiss, and the idea of the man making noises excited him, made him fidget uncomfortably with the want to reach out and touch him and hold him, but he held it in, focusing on the kiss and the dim memory of the sounds and the smells and everything that was missing now.

He missed him. His hands rose and pushed into his hair, and he paused as they briefly found curls before they were pushed down above his head. But he hadn't been laying down! He'd been sitting up! And Bro didn't have hair that curled!

John jolted out of his half waking dream to stare up at Karkat, lips still together, kiss still quick and wanting. Half of him felt excited because there was something...thrilling, about waking up to this, and the way Karkat was finally actually in control.

The rest of him couldn't help but feel...let down.

He shut his eyes again, and imagined cold leather and a rough chin. When the kiss ended, Karkat hugged close to him and mumbled he was a great boyfriend too.

John swallowed his guilt, and his hollowness, and his hesitance, and as ever, he forced himself to put on a broad and cheerful smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JOHN
> 
> JOHN NO
> 
> _JOHN_
> 
> 6/10, over the halfway, pulling into the finish now, _come on!_
> 
> Still with me, cherubs?


	56. ==> Bro: Tidy Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been over a decade since he did this shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HEY LOOK NO JOHNKAT FEELS ANYWHERE
> 
> Thank goodness for that.
> 
> 7/10 So...close...

He had no idea what time of the morning it was that he was woken to Dave yelling not to open the fridge and the crash of shitty swords tumbling out. He groaned and dragged himself up, hunting for his jeans and dragging them on as he hopped out of the door.

She had a cut on her arm and a lot of questions. He sat her down and saw to the wound without answering any of them.

Dave walked her home about midday, which suited him fine. Dirk emerged, and after a while of looking thoughtfully around the apartment, Bro decided he could use a little help. They worked efficiently, together, knowing what to expect of the other. By the time Dave got back, it was enough he stopped and choked.

"Oh holy fuck Bro what have you _done_?

"What? I tidied the shithole up. Check it, kid, we had an actual apartment until all that crap."

"This is not my home." Dave gingerly stepped in, looking around. "We have carpet?"

"Yeah, I know, I thought it was smuppets all the way down too." Bro shrugged. "Fridge is clear, cupboards are done, the appliances should fucking work now Dirk's seen to them, and I've shifted my stock to the storage cupboard so just don't go in there, I guess."

"Holy shit who the fuck are you and what have you done with Bro?"

He rolled his eyes and put a hand on his hip, the other resting on the handle of the hoover he had completely forgotten they owned. "I thought I'd make an effort, Christ."

"An effort? For what? Is the President fucking visiting? You've never made an effort before."

Bro prepared himself.

"John's visiting in a few weeks."

Dave actually slapped his face, groaning. "Of _course_ he is. Holy fuck. Do you know how much better my life was before you decided you wanted to get it on with my best bro? Seriously? He has a boyfriend, you ass. He's fourteen."

"Fifteen, soon."

"You are _thirty-two_."

"You didn't know that until he told you."

"Shut up, that isn't the point! The point is you cannot be fucking serious. You cannot be doing all this shit for him. Why? Don't you want him knowing what a messed up fuck you actually are?"

"Dave, refer to the whole me having a crush on a kid thing. I think he knows what a messed up fuck I am."

"John is oblivious as anything, Bro. He just breezes through life without giving a fuck about what he's doing. He probably thinks the thing you've got for him is totally cool, even after he's been told it's not. I mean he still talks to you, right? I've given up trying to stop that shit. And now you're back on the open market he'll be thinking he's totally got a shot when you are like the fucking moon you're so outta reach to him."

"Whatever, I just. Maybe I wanted to look like a vaguely normal person? Maybe I want to _be_ a vaguely normal person. Plus apparently I have a fucking metal child now so I should probably put the sex toys away."

"When I was a kid you gave me them to cuddle."

"Dirk is a delicate flower. He don't need that shit."

"What about your movies? Where the fuck are you gonna do them?"

"Anywhere I fucking like, once you're alseep."

"Oh my God, _Bro_."

"Hey, you're the one who asked."

Dave glared, then shuffled forward, grumbling when Bro told him to take off his shoes. He left them and his coat and headed to the room, gingerly treading over the carpet like he thought it hid a minefield.

A clack brought his attention back to where Dirk had placed the now fully working blender back on the side, free of the remains of cruelly murdered puppets. The whole place looked huge, now he could actually see it. He kind of actually liked the space.

"That is the kitchen in working order." The machine announced from his seat on the floor. "Vacuuming to be performed and we have actually completed ritual cleaning activities this domicile has not seen in over a decade."

"Stuff'll creep back out, I'm sure. Hopefully it'll just be a drizzle instead of a fucking flood this time."

"I am still not entirely sure how that many smuppets fitted in the freezer."

"Think I sorta stomped 'em in. At least they came out easy."

"They were frozen in the most inappropriate ice cube I have even seen. They came out as one icy, plush mass."

"Still say we shoulda left it on Davey's bed."

"Yes well you _would_ say that."

Bro looked around again, and felt a little proud of the fact the place now looked like somewhere a well balanced adult might actually live.

It was beautifully ironic.

He smirked as he kicked hoover into life, gliding around collecting the rainbow fibres littering the place as he hummed to himself, and felt, despite the last few days, that maybe things were actually pretty cool after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Bro likes to pretend he's a reasonable adult.
> 
> It makes him laugh.


	57. ==> John: Pester Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Lalonde guest stars as The Voice of the Readers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD SOMEONE DREW ME [A THING](http://spiriterra.tumblr.com/post/40747309231/khemi-khemi-look-what-you-and-your-fic-have-made)
> 
> I'M LAUGHING BUT I AM ACTUALLY SO PROUD
> 
> DID I MENTION SOMEONE ASKED TO MAKE A PODFIC
> 
> OH GOODNESS
> 
> I LOVE YOU
> 
> *flails*

He'd been feeling terrible all day. He was guilty, now, but hadn't felt that bad when it mattered! And Karkat had been so happy, not knowing what was going on inside his head. He was so horrible, sometimes, even if it was an accident!

He needed help with all of this, which left him really only one option. He sighed and sat at his desk, clicking open Pesterchum and sighing in relief that she was online.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 22:24pm --

EB: rose!!!  
EB: i need your advice :(  
TT: You and Strider both, it seems. What a busy night I am having.  
TT: How may I be of service, John?  
EB: okay, i need you to just ignore how embarrassing this is please?  
TT: I will only look at it on a psychoanalytical level, I assure you.  
EB: okay! great  
EB: um  
EB: i was with kar today hugging in bed  
EB: and i fell asleep, sort of?  
EB: so i dreamt i was kissing bro  
EB: it was like a memory but sort of wrong?  
EB: and i was really enjoying it. really to the point it's awkward. it was really good.  
EB: but then i woke up  
EB: and it was karkat  
TT: Reality affecting our dreams is nothing unusual, John, especially if you were simply dozing.  
EB: that isn't the bad bit okay?  
EB: the bad bit is i woke up and kar was giving me this amazing kiss  
EB: but i felt let down?? i don't know!  
EB: so i closed my eyes and pretended it was bro  
EB: and it actually felt better  
TT: You consciously chose to imagine it was him, rather than enjoy the reality of the partner in front of you?  
TT: Interesting.  
TT: John, if I may enquire, why did you begin your relationship with Karkat?  
EB: he asked me out and he's awesome?  
EB: and i thought he's kind of good looking  
EB: and i'd never had a boyfriend before!  
TT: ...And?  
EB: um  
TT: John.  
EB: ...  
EB: and because bro had english and i wanted a boyfriend too oh my god shut up!!!  
TT: Unfortunate but predictable.  
TT: John, are there any other times you have favoured Bro?  
TT: For now a yes or no will do.  
EB: yes  
TT: More than once?  
EB: yes  
TT: Did you feel guilty?  
EB: yes  
TT: Do you actually regret it?  
EB: ...  
EB: no  
TT: Does Karkat know about any of this?  
EB: no  
TT: John, do you think Karkat would be happy if he knew?  
EB: ...no  
TT: Do you think you are being a good partner to him?  
EB: no :(  
TT: If Bro was to say, at this very moment, if you broke up with Karkat he would start a relationship with you, would you?

He stared at the screen for a long time, arguing it out inside his head, then slumped a little.

EB: yes

He was hating every second of this.

TT: John, you are clearly infatuated with the elder Strider. Despite actively having a partner you are still leaning towards him, yet no doubt due to the delicate situation surrounding such matters you have probably disguised it.  
TT: There is every chance it is merely a powerful crush that will fade with time.  
TT: Unfortunately there is also the possibility it is something much stronger and inescapable than that.  
TT: You need to find out as soon as you are able which it is, but in the end only you will really know. I suggest you at the very least acknowledge to Karkat your crush is ongoing, particularly before your upcoming trip.  
TT: Dave told me, before I am accused of having illogical powers.  
EB: you really think i should tell him?  
TT: If it is a crush, his support may help you move on. If it is not, he may appreciate your honesty if your relationship has to end.  
EB: i don't want to rose!!!  
EB: what if he hates me??  
TT: So far every conversation we have had regarding him has suggested he will be more accepting and understanding that most.  
TT: The first step of overcoming your problems is admitting them. At least if you admit them to him you may not have to overcome them alone.  
TT: There is my advice, John, do with it as you will. I will not force nor expect anything of you, and nor will anyone else. In the end you must do what you think is best for yourself.  
EB: i guess  
EB: thanks rose  
TT: You are welcome.  
TT: I would appreciate being informed of the outcome, though, if you would?  
EB: i guess  
EB: siiiiiiiigh  
EB: guess i should get ready!  
EB: goodnight rose  
TT: Goodnight, John.  
TT: Good luck.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8/10 WHOOP WHOOP


	58. ==> Dave: Pester Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't need this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but PLOT.
> 
> Also Dave rambling.
> 
> (9/10 OMG)

TG: i dont know if i should fucking condone this shit or be mad or what  
TG: i thought it was just bullshit crushing that was a humiliation to watch but nothing major  
TG: like they both have awful taste but the spectacular shit pile of fails that was christmas would have taught them better  
TG: but holy fuck  
TG: bro cleaned this place up for the first time since it was fucking built  
TG: blushed like a schoolgirl when he told me it was for john  
TG: and oh my god  
TG: my brother wants to be johns fucking housewife rose  
TG: can you hear those fucking wedding bells  
TG: chiming a cacophony thats making the world scream in terror  
TG: this aint right  
TG: this is messed up shit right here  
TG: i literally cannot explain how much wrongness there is going down  
TG: but im drowning in it over here  
TG: send help  
TG: i thought it was bad when i figured bro was a pervert creeping on my friend  
TG: nope  
TG: this actual sincere bullshit is worse  
TG: john makes his kokoro go doki doki rose  
TG: and john is just as fucking struck by the herp derp cupid virus as bro is  
TG: i get to watch them mush about one another  
TG: and i cant slap either of them  
TG: but my fingers are itching and i fucking well want to  
TG: its stupid  
TG: its embarrassing  
TG: its illegal  
TG: its wrong  
TT: So you're jealous?

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 22:41pm --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Oh._


	59. ==> John: Tell Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not the whole truth, but he thinks it's enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought long and hard about this. Enjoy and draw your own conclusions!
> 
> 10/10
> 
> SCREAMS

"So we, um...I have to talk to you."

Karkat looked at him, sharply, with the widest most fearful eyes he'd seen, a worried expression contorting his face into adorable, pitiable cuteness.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"No! Oh my God, no, Kar." John grabbed him and hugged him, trying the hook the blanket on his elbow before it slid down the roof behind them. "I'm not breaking up with you, dude, you're great, seriously."

Karkat relaxed into the hug, sighing in relief, before reaching up and lightly slapping the back of John's head. "Stupid dumbass making me fucking worry! Well...what do we need to fucking talk about then?"

"My Dad is taking me to Texas in a few weeks as a Birthday present."

"Oh. How long for?"

"Just a week."

"I guess I'll be fine without you for that long, not that I have a fucking choice."

John giggled and snuggled up to him, smiling. "I'll miss you too, doofus. I just...wanted to be honest, about some stuff, before I go?"

"Go right the fuck ahead. You're sort of blocking my exit so you have my full attention."

"Okay." John took a deep breath, thinking hard, before looking up to Karkat with a frown. "I'm basically going to see Dave and Bro."

"Your asshat of a friend and the...guy you like."

"Yeah. Um. You've seen Bro, I mean...you should get why nothing can happen there."

"The fact he's at fucking least thirty."

"Thirty two."

"Yeah."

John swallowed, then nervously continued, "I have the biggest crush on him, and I mean...it's really bad, okay? I think about him a lot, even when I shouldn't."

"I feel less shit about that knowing he's sort of off fucking limits, but still, wow. Ouch."

"I've been trying not to! You're a great boyfriend, I really like you, okay? I don't want to lose you."

Karkat's face softened slightly and he shrugged. "...thanks."

"But...when I'm there for that week, I don't know for sure nothing will happen." John mumbled, eyes downcast. After a pause he looked up to Karkat's blank expression and fidgeted uncomfortably. "He likes me, too. I told you we kissed, at Christmas. We kissed a lot."

"He's thirty-"

"I know! If knowing his age was all it took to get over him don't you think I would've done it by now?"

John sounded a little hurt and angry, but he calmed as Karkat rubbed his back gently. His boyfriend didn't move away, so he snuggled back down, sighing.

"You're a great boyfriend." John repeated quietly. "And I really don't want to break up with you, but I felt terrible about the idea of lying to you so...so there. The truth. When I go I probably will end up doing some stupid stuff for a guy in a relationship but I want you to know it won't change the fact I'm coming back to you."

Karkat ruffled his hair and kissed it, gently, laughing soft. "You're a stupid fuck. I'm jealous as hell that you think about him when I'm with you, yeah, but I'm still the one that gets you when he can't. That makes me feel sort of good, if I want to be a massive cock about it."

"So...it's okay?"

"For now. You're lucky I'm a fucking believer in polyamory."

"In what?"

"Look it up, dipshit." Karkat kissed his lips, gently. "Just promise whatever happens with him, you're gonna come back to me."

"I promise, Kar."

"Then consider yourself given one week free reign, but after than I don't want a fucking thing about the douchebag when we're together, got it? If I have to put up with the fact you like him when we are having us time I can't promise I won't flip my shit."

"Um, okay, Kar! You're the best ever, you know that?"

"Just be careful. Don't do anything stupid if you can fucking avoid it. Be a good little derp."

"Heh, I will."

"And I expect a phone call once a fucking day so I know what the shit you're up to! And chat!"

"Um-"

"Okay. At least the fucking phone call, alright?"

John smiled and nodded, because a week? He could work with a week! Maybe him and Bro could actually sort things out, face-to-face! And after that he'd be the good boyfriend he'd failed at being so far! Yeah!

"You're the best, Kar." He told him again, kissing him and only just noticing the creeping hint of worry starting to edge across his gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So he took it well! No bad will ever come of this at all!
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Pffffft~~
> 
>  
> 
> I AM DONE FOR TODAY  
> I LOVE YOU ALL  
> GOODNIGHT AND I WILL SEE YOU LATER


	60. ==> Bro: Find Some Clothes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Telling him to tie him up was practically a dare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back! What is this sleep thing you speak of? What a ridiculous notion!
> 
> I just wanted to say, especially after last night, all of you are awesome people and I love talking to you guys while I work and basically over the whole rest of my day.
> 
> You're great.
> 
> Here begin tonight's session.

"Bro I am growing uncomfortable with this."

"Alright, just give me a second here, there's a ton of this hipster shit to go through."

Dave swore into the tape over his mouth, wriggling against the rope on his wrists and ankles, and Bro patted his leg in mock comfort before continuing to look through his clothes.

"Hey, you're the one who said I'd hafta tie you up to get at your shit."

"I am aware I require clothing but was incapacitating Dave really necessary?" Dirk asked uneasily, and Bro felt him apologetically put a pillow behind Dave's head on the bed. "I am sure if you had been more polite in your request-"

"I was damn polite."

"'Yo, you lil shit, I need your clothes so get out the fucking way before I make you' is not polite, father."

"Don't call me that."

"Untie Dave, then."

With a heavy sigh, Bro slung a bright red hoodie over his shoulder to go with the black jeans and red gear shirt already resting there, then leant back and tore the tape from Dave's face as his brother swore loudly.

"-OTHERFUCK! _Ow!_ Holy shit put my clothes back you dumb dick!"

"Sorry, kid. They're being commandeered for a better cause."

"Asshole! I like that shirt!"

"And I'm sure Dirk will love it too." Bro offered the pile to the machine, who took it with a smile. "Go put this shit on. Davey, if you actually let me untie you without trying to get it back, we'll go out for actual food."

"Actual food?" He asked warily, watching Dirk happily leave the room.

"Like we'll got to a proper restaurant and you can order the whole fucking menu if you want." Dave's eyes lit up. Apparently he still thought with his stomach. "I want to take Dirk out, hence the clothes, and maybe if you downgrade to just being a sufferable prick I'll take you with us."

"Dude if I actually get to eat food that isn't like fucking cardboard or just shit I will be a fucking nun. I guess he can have my stupid clothes. You know if you'd said why you wanted them I mighta actually agreed"

"Like fuck." Bro jabbed his ribs, then started undoing the knots, shaking his head as Dave instantly rubbed at his freed arms. "Y'know I was expecting you to be able to stop me? I mean I wasn't even trying, man, this shit is pitiable. You deserved it if you were that slow; and you told me to, bro, that was practically a challenge."

"I was being sarcastic!"

"I wasn't."

Dave glared at him, before swinging to sit up on the side of the bed once the rope was off his ankles. "Most kids don't have to deal with being tied up so their fucking dick brother can steal their clothes for his robo-clone-son."

"Most kids aren't Dave fucking Strider, now man up and get dressed, I wanna get grub sometime this fucking week."

.:.

He piled them into his pickup truck, having to practically drag Dirk away from just staring up and down the street in wonder as people walked past him without a second glance. The hood hid his face and his hands were now in gloves, the only metal showing the tips of his feet where they peeked out from the low jeans. Luckily they could probably pass those off as funky shoes.

Bro finished hoisting Dirk into place and put his seatbelt over him like he was sealing in a child as Dave sat in the middle seat and snickered at him. As soon as the machine was actually secure, he slammed the door and stalked around to the driver's seat, hopping up and looking over at the two kids. Dave had leant forward and was pointing out buildings and people, talking about them to the clearly fascinated robot. It was almost enough to make Bro smile. Almost.

He pulled out and decided in his sentimentality to take a scenic route. Dave voiced the tour beside him, and Dirk didn't stop smiling the entire way.

.:.

The whole meal Dirk sat quietly observing with wide, dimmed red eyes, sneaking his food off to Dave to make it look like he was eating. He asked questions about the food, and the city, and the people around them, all in a small awed voice cut through with thrilled static that he quickly softened each time their waitress bustled over.

Dave ate like a pig and was kicked under the table for it. Dirk was nothing but soft and polite, and when they left their waitress patted his hood and commented on what a sweet thing he was.

He excitedly told them all about the meal they had just shared with him all the way back home.

.:.

"When John visits, will I have to hide?"

He hadn't been expecting the question, and paused in setting up his video camera, straightening and turning to Dirk as the machine lingered in the doorway, still dressed, although now with exposed hands. He looked almost human in his too-long hoodie, other than the colours and details that reminded Bro he was not.

He didn't blink at the set Bro had created over the futon, nor at how little Bro was wearing. Because he just knew, and accepted it, and it was a normal part of life. It was a pleasant counterpoint to Dave, who had walked in on him working exactly once and screamed for about an hour afterwards, locking himself in the bathroom. All it took now was a comment as Dave headed to bed and the kid shoved on his earphones and didn't emerge for anything, all night long.

Bro put his hands on his bare hips and frowned.

"What?"

"When John visits, I wish to know if I will be required to, perhaps, stay in the crawlspace. I would understand if so, I-"

"Dirk, John already knows about you." He replied flatly, and Dirk shrugged.

"His father and Jade do not."

Oh. Right. He kept forgetting John wouldn't be coming alone. It brought a frown to his lips.

"Well they can deal with it." He decided eventually, aloud. "You're practically my son as you keep shoving in my face. I'm not gonna lock you in the attic to appease some square's sensibilities."

Dirk's eyes grew brighter, and he smiled.

"Thank you, Bro. I think...I think I am now looking forward to his visit."

"I'm sure he'll think you're cool. Hell, I'm sure you two will get on fucking fantastically. Now. You wanna, uh, go chill in my room and give me some privacy?"

"Well I would not want to distract you from your _art_."

Bro snorted and watched him go, allowing himself a single fatherly pang before he shooed all the thoughts from his mind and focused entirely on his... _unique_ profession.

After all, he needed to get a little stockpile ready. In a few weeks time he'd have to take a brief hiatus.

He might have told John a lot about himself, but no matter what, there were some things he hoped the kid _never_ had to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ==> End Arc 2
> 
> ...
> 
> WE'RE GOING TO TEXAS
> 
> PCHOOOOOOOO


	61. ==> John: Arrive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ==> Begin Arc 3
> 
> As though the build up didn't make it obvious, SERIOUS angst and plot lies ahead, be warned.
> 
> I should also say the first adult scenes will be taking place this Arc! **I will mark them with [S] at the end of the chapter title and put a note at the top of the chapter.** I am aiming to make it so they are not plot essential, although as I've said before, please don't expect anything hardcore. Even my explicit stuff is fluff. As such, expect the rating to rise to Mature when those scenes turn up!
> 
> But enough about that! John is in Houston!

The moment the plane touched down he was bouncing in his seat.

Jade was grinning from ear to ear, and Dad seemed relieved they had arrived, but he was _bouncing_ with excitement, jittering in his seat like he'd had far too much sugar or caffeine or just everything all in one go. He pressed his face to the tiny window so his nose was flattened, then turned and looked to Jade with a stupid, broad smile.

"Oh my God we're here!"

"I know! This is going to be so amazing!" Jade replied, starting to unbuckle. "I'm glad we didn't have to wait long to see Dave again!"

"This is the best Birthday present _ever_!"

Dad smiled down at them as he stood and adjusted his shirt, and John remembered once again that his Dad was the _best_.

His father kept have to stop him running when they finally got out into the crowd, catching his shoulder and tugging him back, although he still darted to and fro and bounced on the balls of his feet to try and see familiar faces. So many people, everywhere! This was so amazing! He'd never been anywhere as crowded as this, at least not any time he hadn't been hiding his face and panicking! The shapes and sizes and features of the people distracted him enough Jade had to elbow him, laughing with a snort, gesturing over at a sign being held up that was clearly a stupid cartoon of his derping face.

short dork in the stupid glasses

His father finally let him go as he whooped and ran over.

When he leapt at Dave from the throng he actually knocked the sign out of the coolkid's hand, sending it tumbling off behind him as John squeezed him so tightly he coughed and wheezed. Jade had to pry him off, and Dave panted, then gave a weak smirk, adjusting his shades where they'd been sent askew.

"Yo, Egbert. Harley. 'Sup?"

Jade's response was to punch his shoulder. He practically pouted. "Whoa, abuse, man. Fuck off. Here I am welcoming you into my abode and you punch me for no reason!"

"It's like a coolkid guy thing!"

"Not when you break my arm, Christ." Dave rubbed it, looking down at John. "Fuck, you've grown, it's been like two months, you're meant to stay little and pocket-size, come on."

"Sorry!" He grinned, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's sort of hard to tell when everyone else in my house is so tall and Karkat is so tiny."

"That's your ass of a boyfriend, right?"

"I'm sure you two would get along great if you actually gave each other a chance!" John insisted, but it was sort of ruined by Jade bursting out laughing. "Okay, well, maybe not? But he's not that bad!"

"Whatever. Oh hey, Dadbert." Dave nodded as Dad appeared, dragging the cases on a trolley. "Looking good, dude. Nice to know we'll have a responsible adult around."

Dad gave a slight nod, offering Dave a hand, which he rolled his eyes at but shook. John was just glad he was here again! Maybe every few months they were going to meet up, now? That would be so great! After all the time he hadn't had his friends around, the last few months had been a sudden rush of everything he missed, and it had been amazing!

Dave gave Dad instructions on how to get down to where Bro was waiting with his pickup, but said he had to wait for someone. John and Jade decided to stay with him, which Dad seemed to approve of. He made a vague comment about wanting to reacquaint himself with Bro as he disappeared from view.

They sat on the bench Dave had been standing in front of, and talked, John gushing about Karkat and Jade excitedly talking about her new home and Dave feigning disinterest and giving vague noises to show he was still paying attention. All the warm feelings from Christmas were rushing back, sat here with both of them. He wished Rose could have been here too, but she was probably having a _great_ time with Mom!

He he he.

"Dave, I have purchased you the apple juice you requested."

John jumped as a bottle was offered over his shoulder in a black mittened hand and a big red sleeve. The voice was familiar but different, and slow and calm, but he hadn't heard anyone approaching at all, there hadn't even been the rush of air that came from a flashstep!

"Cool." Dave took it, gesturing over his shoulder with a thumb. "Jade, John, this is Dirk. Dirk, these are the derpy twins."

"We aren't twins." John muttered, elbowing him, but he still looked back with a frown at the name Dirk.

Beneath the hood of the large hooded pullover, red eyes glowed at him from an unnaturally white face, looking like a cross between Bro and Dave. He was smiling back at John, looking like an excited child.

"I know John. We have met."

"How-?"

"Glasses!" John exclaimed, jumping up. "Wow! You...aren't glasses anymore?"

"I am no longer trapped within exceedingly fashionable eyewear, no. Father built me a body, or rather recycled one for my use."

"He'll flip his shit if he hears you call him that." Dave observed, swinging to his feet. "Move out, dork patrol. Bro'll complain if we take too long."

With that he was wandering off, and John followed beside Dirk, who he was still craning his head down to stare at, Jade skipping his other side.

"...you look so cool! I can't believe he built you! He must be really, really great with stuff like that!"

"Father is a genius, despite his every attempt to act like a fool. I am excited to be able to actually meet you, and not simply ride you-" Dave choked on his drink ahead of them, "-or type to you. People are fascinating! I have never seen so many before. It is like a hive of humanity."

"I know! How cool is all of this!" Jade said brightly, before John could speak. "And all the planes and the shops and everything! It's just great. I never had any of this, I live out on an island, but all of this is just amazing!"

"I am particularly fond of cinemas. My father has taken me to them once or twice. I am used to watching movies inside my head, but there is something special about sitting with others and watching it upon a large screen."

"Dad took me and John to the cinema! It was like my screen at home but with so many people to watch it with! And at the end everyone was talking about the film and it was all so interesting to listen to."

John hopped ahead to Dave, and left the two of them to it, as though Dirk was only about his height, they seemed to be talking above his head.

"So do we get to meet your girlfriend?" He prodded him, and Dave scowled. "Come on, dude, you can't not let us meet her if we're here!"

"I can too, but luckily for you she already fucking invited herself to meet you. She wants to _investigate_ my fucking _cohorts_ for shocking developments in my personal history."

"Pffff. She already sounds great!"

"Yeah well, you would say that."

They bantered idly, trading insults and memes as they travelled, Dirk and Jade now engrossed in describing exactly what it was like going to a shopping mall. Soon enough they were wandering through the carpark, up to a large orange pickup Dad was calmly loading bags into the back of. John's heart had been picking up, and it was loud now, quick, because there was that knowledge that no matter how great seeing Dave was, it was nothing like seeing Bro.

As if the thought had summoned him, he straightened from leaning into the passenger side, a hand on his chin with a thumb pressed up his cheek. He wasn't wearing his glasses (John still had them in his bag, in the box he treasured them in) so the moment he looked up John was looking straight into his eyes, and grinning, and getting a small smile back.

Abruptly, he could feel Dad watching him. He stopped himself before he ran over, giving a wave and a bright, "Hey, Bro!"

"Hey, kid." His voice was so warm and perfect and deep and John was already so happy to hear it again. "Harley. You kids have a good flight?"

"Oh gosh, it was amazing!" Jade called, running over to help Dad as Dirk headed over to Bro's side and looked up at him.

"It was pretty great." John agreed. "I love flying! Even if does make my stomach feel weird."

Dave had sauntered over to Dad and was arranging for a cab to take the two of them and Jade. John and Dirk were going with Bro. He grinned to himself as Dad calmly agreed.

His smile faded when Dirk took Bro's wrist and pulled his hand away from a fresh cut in his cheek.

"What-?"

"Caught my face on the door while I grabbing something, it's nothing." He wrenched his arm back and covered it, wiping off the wet blood with the pad of his thumb and sucking it off. "Come on, get ready to go, sooner we get home sooner I can deal with it, if you're so worried."

John nodded, but suddenly the warmth in his stomach was a horrible icy cold.

He'd spent a long time reading Strider faces.

He'd seen the flick of his golden eyes to Dad.

Dad was looking back at Bro with his usual, relaxed expression, then he looked away and finished putting the last case up into the pickup, covering them all over with a fabric cover that rolled out. Dave and Jade started to head off with waves and promises to see them soon, and Dad followed, pausing just for a moment.

"John," he squeezed his shoulder, "Be careful, son."

John nodded, and watched him go, and had the sudden, horrible feeling that maybe Bro's stupid concerns hadn't actually been quite so misplaced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dadbert...
> 
> And Jade is quick to accept Dirk because of her dreambot. What do you mean robots aren't a normal thing?


	62. ==> Bro: Get Caught Off Guard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He should have seen this coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now Bro's POV! _Really_ short, it's only the scene John didn't see, then we're back to him for what happened next.
> 
> Is everybody ready for Dad vs Bro? Because that's pretty much what this entire Arc will be.

He had been relaxing by the truck when he heard the squeak of a trolley and straightened, raising an eyebrow at the fact apparently John's Dad had been sent ahead. The man seemed calm, cheerful, and gave him a tip of his hat in greeting as he parked up the trolley and then moved over.

He offered Bro a hand. Bro took it, and the shake was just firm enough, steady, controlled. The eyes that were still just as disturbing as he remembered bored into his own, and he let him calm expression drop to a frown.

"Mister Strider." He still hadn't let go of Bro's hand and that was starting to worry him. "It was gracious of you to lend us the use of your truck."

"It's cool. I can take one of you guys if Dave goes in the cab to help the other two get to the apartment."

"I can imagine who you would volunteer."

Wow. That tone. Holy fuck that tone was the most terrifying, calm, soft thing he'd ever heard. Bro tensed.

"I will level with you, Mister Strider. I do not _like_ you. Everything I have become aware of about you has done nothing but affirm my fears that you are hardly the reasonable man my dearest would paint you as."

"Hold up-"

"I have seen you beat a child, sir. I doubt you could really endear yourself to me again after that."

What?

Oh shit. Dave. The strife at Roxy's. Fuck.

"That isn't what you think-"

"No, I am told it is mutual. That you as a guardian have actually taught your ward that fighting with blade and gaining such wounds is a _normal_ activity for a boy his age. I am afraid that does little to convince me the state you left him in was any less despicable."

Bro didn't bother continuing to argue, setting his jaw firmly. Guess what, fucker? The feeling was mutual.

"And that is _before_ I begin on my own son."

Hell no.

"I haven't done-"

"I am well aware of everything you have done and said you would not do to John. I am aware of how much he trusts you, and feels for you, and what high esteem he views you in. I am aware you have already done more to him than I would have wished _anyone_ but a nice partner of his own age do." The grip on his hand was tightening, and holy _fuck_ this man worked out, Bro felt his bones starting to ache. "But I am willing to give everyone a second chance, Mister Strider. Cut off ties and end whatever perverse relationship you have formed with him, and the matter is settled. But," He leant in, and Bro's poker face was starting to get hard to hold, pain flashing up his wrist as the crushing grip only grew stronger. "If I discover you have done _one single thing_ to John whilst we are here, this week, I will take great pleasure in making sure you face adequate punishment."

As if to back it up, Bro felt his other fist move, and ducked the punch, pulling his hand free and rapidly sidestepping as he equipped his sword and held it out, glaring at the man.

"I'm not afraid of you." He said coldly.

He got a pleasant smile in response, and then Dad stepped forward with unexpected speed, socking him in the jaw and twisting his wrist until he dropped the sword. As his head lowered, the ringing in his ears settling, he felt a flash of pain and stepped back, covering his cheek and staring at where Dad was standing, still calmly, his own katana in his hand.

 _Jokerkind._ Son of a bitch.

"You should be." Dad told him quietly, dropping the sword to clatter on the hard, concrete floor. With that he was loading the cases, and Bro snatched up his weapon, stalking to the passenger side and pulling open the door as he leant in for painkillers, lowering his hand briefly to look at the blood.

Holy shit. This fucking man.

He downed the pills dry, wiping his face on a rag shoved in the glovebox, and then covering the wound with a frown as he waited for less absolutely fucking _insane_ company to arrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bro is ready to admit he might be a little afraid.
> 
> Sorry for length, I wanted the scenes around this to be from John's POV, but I thought you guys would want to see this...


	63. ==> John: Go For A Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the car between a droid and a hard place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one for tonight!
> 
> Oh hey, is that some BroJohn? What the hell is _that_ doing in this fic?

He was squeezed in the middle, between Dirk and Bro, hands twisting in his lap as his eyes kept drifting up to the cut. It wasn't deep, but it looked bloody and bad, and as Bro fiddled with his keys he couldn't help but lean over and raise a hand to try and wipe off some of the blood.

In a flash Bro caught his wrist, just as his fingertips almost brushed his cheek.

"Leave it. I'm fine."

"Dad did that to you." It wasn't a question, but Bro's shoulders tensed in a silent answer. "Oh my God, Bro."

"Can't fault the man. He's just looking out for you."

"By _hurting_ you?"

"He thinks I'm a certain sorta guy, who it'll take shit like this to stop."

"...he's wrong, though...right?"

Bro smirked a little, starting the truck and then actually giving him a rare, broad smile.

"Of fucking course he is. Shit like this _encourages_ me."

John blinked and frowned at him, opening his mouth, interrupted by a voice that spoke calmly from behind him.

"If you tell a child not to push a button they will press it. If you tell an acrobat not to fall they will be unsteady. If you tell Eve not to eat the apple she will devour it. It is mere human nature." Dirk shrugged, snuggling down in his big red pullover so only his nose and eyes peeked out at John. "Before, Bro was motivated by his feelings for you, but he had...issues, hesitances, misgivings. By stating he is not to pursue you, your father has made you a challenge, and Bro Strider is not one to refuse nor lose challenges when they are given to him. Whatever confidence he lacked, in following through with your...relationship? In denying him your father has given him all the extra confidence he required."

John looked back to Bro, who let go of his hand to take the wheel with both of his own. He felt the familiar flutter start in his stomach.

"So...so you still-?"

"We're gonna have to be fucking careful because that man will end me if he finds out, but like fuck am I giving up on you for some jumped up baker with a decent specibus."

John felt a little hot and gave a stupid smile, because he knew they'd spoken about whatever was going on between them before, but hearing his voice, his strong and relaxing voice, declare he wasn't going to give up on John...it was so different, in person, it made his spine tingle and his gut grow warm. He fidgeted, then put a hand lightly on Bro's cheek, beside the cut but not quite touching it.

"I missed you." He told him, earnestly, smiled widening when he felt the pressure of Bro leaning into his hand.

"Yeah well I guess life ain't been so great without you either." The Strider murmured quietly. "I'm glad you're here, kid. Even if ain't for long."

"I wish it were longer."

"Maybe someday it will be."

Each time Bro spoke, John could feel his cheek moving, and his voice humming through his bones. There was the familiar scratch of stubble and the heat of his skin, and wow. He'd missed this. He really had.

They drove, but he was looking over Bro as they moved, the way the muscles in his arms altered when his gripped the wheel tighter, the way his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed. There were a few loose strands of hair curling around his ear, and when John gently brushed them back into place, Bro shivered, still staring ahead.

His toes curled in his sneakers as he shifted them across the floor, his body awash with feelings he'd been missing all the time since New Year. Now and then, Bro would glance at him, his eyes almost glowing in the sunlight, and every time he did John could barely breathe, a hand ending up toying with his shirt above his rapid heart.

He had it so bad for this man.

At last they pulled into a space in the car park of a tower block, and Bro took a casual look in his mirrors and through the windows before he slung an arm across John's shoulders, leaning down so their noses brushed side to side as John's breathing grew so shallow it practically stopped, his mouth dry when it opened. Bro slid his face closer, practically humming with pleasure when their lips met, and John didn't wait, quickly tilting his head into it and kissing in the ways he'd been improving with every kiss he shared with Karkat.

The brief guilty pang that accompanied thinking of his boyfriend was lost when Bro made a sound of pleased surprise and crushed harder to him, and then John could feel hot softness between his lips and a hot piercing just catch them and oh holy shit that was Bro's tongue yes it was. He kept kissing as he knew, which left him almost sucking on it as he pulled back each time, and that seemed to be enough for Bro, a leather-clad hand sinking into his ever-present bedhead and tugging him closer with a soft sigh.

John didn't have to imagine any more, feeling the electric buzz of their skin scraping, and the touch of his cool stud, and with a nose and head full of his cologne and soap and _him_. He wished every day he could have this. He felt so angry at Dad for trying to take it away!

Bro pulled back and idly scratched at his sideburn, giving a smirk as he watched John pant, just a little, and calm down. Wow. _Wow._

...He was just going to casually sit here with his hands in his lap until moving became an option again.

Bro chuckled and mussed his hair, climbing out as John sat back in his chair and grinned, whole face bright red, jumping as he suddenly remembered Dirk. The machine looked back at him, passively.

"Educational." The robot told him casually, and John suddenly felt _so_ embarrassed. "I will be sure to use some of that wisdom in my ongoing attempts to successfully perform a human embrace with Jake."

"Oh! Oh, are you um. Are you dating English?"

"Yes. Jake officially declared so a week ago."

"What about Bro? He still hasn't found anyone, right?"

"Other than you? No."

He grinned and tried not to feel as excited as he did, briefly bouncing about in place before he reeled it in and tried to look mature. A whole week of kisses like that, and no one but Dad to interrupt them! They could keep it a secret, he knew it. They were totally going to win!

After a while, Dirk helped him out, and John helped Bro unpack the bags with a smile.

He was looking forward to the whole week, and a little thing like Dad was _not_ going to get in his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDEK not spell checked not brain checked just typed.
> 
> Have it.
> 
> Same time, same place, cherubs, you know the drill. ;3


	64. ==> Bro: Walk The Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He isn't going to let this go anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. I wrote another extra fic/drabble. Go check out some Dirk and Dave bonding [here!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/643908)
> 
> Updates for tonight start now!

When they brought the bags upstairs, the others had already arrived, and had made themselves at home on the futon as Dave frantically tried to figure out how to make a cup of tea. Bro rolled his eyes and dropped the bags as he moved over, shooing the kid and starting to do it himself.

"You didn't have to bring the bags up." His brother muttered at him, poking his ribs.

"Yeah, because I totally trust our neighbours not to steal this shit. Fuck that, it's worth the effort to avoid having anything go missing." Bro shrugged, then raised his voice, just a little, as he added, "Besides, I was gonna say the kids could hang around for a movie or whatever if they wanted, stay over tonight."

"Sweet."

Bro tapped off the teaspoon on the side of the mug and walked over to Dad, offering it and feeling a little savage pride at the venemous look he was given from the otherwise serene man, who thanked him, stiffly. Dave and John were already talking about what movie to watch, Harley having instantly jumped off to talk to Dirk. For a moment, the men just stared at each other, the other guests oblivious, daring the other to be the first to look away.

"Yo who's gonna sleep where?"

Bro blinked and inwardly swore at the slight glimmer of success in the dark blue, turning his head to look at Dave. "Well John can be in with you, dipshit. Jade can either be in my room or out here with Dirk."

"Oh oh oh! Can I be out here?"

"I hardly think she should be sleeping with a boy-" Dad began, and Bro took pleasure in shooshing him.

"Dirk isn't exactly a guy, and he's also spoken for." He gestured, and Dad looked back as Dirk sheepishly lowered his hood and waved. There was a pause as the man regarded his clearly synthetic face, and then Dad simply turned back and sipped his drink with a curt nod, like meeting a humanoid fucking robot was an everyday occurence. "So they'd hardly get up to any shit."

"I suppose that that is an acceptable arrangement, then."

"And like I said, John can be in with Dave."

They shared another look. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dave and John glance at one another.

"Well then. Allow me to finish my tea, and you can take myself and my cases to the hotel."

Bro nodded, and willed him to hurry as he gestured for Dave to shift John's case, because the sooner the fucking man was out of his home, the better. In the end he passed the time as he waited by loudly, pointedly, sharpening one of his katanas at his desk in the lounge. Every sound, he caught Dad just give a flinch. Every flinch, he felt a smug satisfaction.

The moment the tea was done he stood and grabbed the man's case, heading downstairs without bothering waiting to listen to the goodbye. He loaded it unceremoniously and waited with a cigarette in the drivers seat, fingers strumming impatiently across the wheel.

After _way_ too long Dad appeared and moved over, sitting in the furthest passenger seat and doing up his seatbelt as slowly as he could physically fucking move. Bro pulled out before he'd finished, frowning at the windshield. Just drive, dump him on the doorstep, come home. Then he had an evening he was _going_ to spend with John, whether or not the stiff beside him wanted him to.

At the entrance to the hotel, he got out long enough to grab out the case and put it on the curb. Dad watched him with thinned lips, and Bro shrugged back with a smirk.

"Right, well I got shit to do. Later."

Dad chose to stay silent, but when Bro made the mistake of glancing back at him, the murderous look was enough to shake him, and he hurried back into the truck and sped the hell away.

.:.

Bro arrived home feeling much better for a drive, alone, and a pit stop for a scotch. He stalked in and waved vaguely at the three kids, sat out on the futon, with Dirk on the floor between Jade's legs with...yes. Okay. There were red bows in his hair and a brush in her hand and okay, so. That was a thing.

He shook his head and headed for his room to change into something more comfortable, probably his wifebeater and jeans, because the shirt he'd worn to the airport was starting to stick uncomfortably to his back in an unflattering way and he wanted to actually look sort of appealing for the black haired kid he was determined to have sitting on his lap for this stupid movie Dave would be subjecting them to.

He opened his door and it bumped on something a little behind it. Bro sighed and forced it open enough to suck in his chest and slide through the gap, letting it shut as he looked blankly at the case behind the door, a pair of his glasses sat on top of it.

Oh.

Alright then.

He was probably going to have to have words about this, not that he was complaining. There were just possible implications he wasn't entirely comfortable with, but overall, he could live with the idea of sharing his room.

Bro changed, shifting the case and sliding on the returned shades before he headed out. He tapped John's shoulder, and as the kid looked up he lifted him up, getting a surprised yelp, and then sat heavily in the spot he'd vacated, settling John back down on his knees. John giggled and sat back against his chest, and though Dave rolled his eyes and Harley gave a bemused look, nothing was said. With a smile, he slung one arm across the back of the futon behind Dave's head, his other arm hooking over John's waist, and yeah. This was cool. Having his little crush just there, with him, not hiding in some dark corridor out of sight.

The movie started, and John put a hand over his, long finger fitting perfectly as they intertwined between his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two John chapters coming up next.
> 
> The second one will have a [S]
> 
> I'M JUST SAYING.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~It won't be what you expect~~


	65. ==> John: Go To Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn't help but get distracted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey higher rating and new tags!
> 
> Nothing actually smutty here but tension, teeeensiiiiion.
> 
> Enjoy!

He focused on the film as best he could, but he could feel Bro's chest moving as he breathed, and his fingers squeezing gently now and then, and his legs shift now and then to steady John as he wriggled to get comfortable. It was distracting, all the contact and just knowing Bro was _there._

By the time the movie ended, Jade was already curled up half-asleep against Dirk's side where she had moved to the floor to do his fringe, now threaded through with tiny bows. Dave mumbled about going to bed, and as he stood, John grumbled and followed suit, glancing back at Bro as their hands fell apart.

"Are you going to bed, Bro?" He asked hopefully. Bro's head dipped and his eyes regarding John almost warily for a moment, before he nodded, standing and flexing his shoulders back as he stretched his arms. One hand settled on John's waist when they lowered, and he blushed and beamed, smile only faltering a little when he caught the look Dave was giving them.

"Whatever." The younger Strider mumbled, flicking his fringe back as he turned and stalked away.

John frowned, but then Bro squeezed his side and he let it go, putting a hand over Bro's and smiling up at him.

The man tugged him gently towards the corridor, and John took the hint, pulling away and bouncing ahead towards the room Dave had helped him shift his case into with a few complaints after Dad and Bro had gone. He jumped straight onto the bed, and sat cross-legged, grinning at Bro when he entered a few moments later and closed the door.

"So um. Is it okay?" He asked nervously, gesturing over at the case. Bro raised an eyebrow.

"Depends on what it entails."

"Cuddling all night? Um." John's cheeks started to heat up. "Oh! Oh, no, I didn't mean..."

"Good." Bro stepped closer, ruffling his hair. "Guess I can live with it, then."

John smiled up at him and felt his imaginary tail wagging. He'd taken a risk but it had totally paid off! He got to cuddle Bro all night-

And now Bro was pulling his top up over his head.

Um.

He tried really hard to stay focused but abruptly his focus was on the chest in front of him, as toned as the rest of Bro and just as scarred. He remembered, not for the first time, how little Bro had worn the first time John had laid eyes on him, but this, here, in the flesh and in front of him, felt completely different.

He had golden balls studding either breast, and firm abs that led to a pierced navel and the thin trail of blonde below it. As John's eyes moved back up he trailed them over the faded silver scars from sword strikes, small nicks in his side to faint stabbing gouges in his shoulder, and a large but faint slit in the centre of his chest. John's fingers twitched as Bro tossed his top over his chair, and with a slight, apprehensive swallow he reached up a hand, fingertips tracing the lines of old wounds and from freckle to freckle like he was playing join the dots.

Bro was staring down at him when his fingers reached his firm collarbone, John practically now kneeling up on the bed to reach. He blushed, pulling his hand back, and Bro caught his wrist and leant down, planting a kiss on his cheek, and then the corner of his mouth, and then slow and lingering on his lips, tugging his hand to rest lightly in the curve between Bro's neck and shoulder.

John pushed up into it, catching his lips as the first kiss broke, his other hand rising to loop lazily around Bro's neck so his fingers hooked around each other and he could pull their bodies closer. Everything felt slow, and electrifying, and when they finally pulled apart enough only the tips of their noses rubbed like a gentle Eskimo kiss, John let out a long sigh, reluctant to fully let go.

"Missed you." Bro murmured again, close enough his hot breath washed over John's jaw, all tobacco and whiskey and orange. He didn't mind the mix, not at all, because it was still _Bro_ , and anything Bro was just perfect.

"Dad's gonna kill you." John mumbled, and Bro chuckled, raising a large hand to stroke back through his black hair.

"Yeah." He said simply. "But fuck, it's worth it for you."

The Strider stood and pulled away, and John's eyes followed his motions as he unthreaded his belt and stepped out of his jeans, leaving him in loose orange boxers. He tried not to be disappointed they weren't more revealing as Bro sat down beside him and raised an eyebrow, prodding his side.

"You usually sleep in your clothes, or what?"

"Shut up! I was distracted." It was true. Stupid sexy Bro. "I have pyjamas."

"Oh Lord, please tell me they're wildly inappropriate for a boy your age. Please tell me you look fucking cute as hell in them. I will totally unironically snuggle the _shit_ out of you if you do, I swear to God."

The red on John's cheeks lightened to a merely embarrassed pink as he hopped up and moved to his case, pulling out his ghostbusters pyjamas and holding them up to himself as Bro snorted and actually grinned. If he had actually brought his onesie Bro would probably have exploded, he thought, then suddenly went deep red as Bro continued looking at him.

Oh. The changing part.

"Um. I'm just gonna go get changed in the bathroom." He said quickly, and Bro raised an eyebrow as he darted for the door. Before the Strider could say anything he absconded, and he gave a relieved sigh, padding quietly down to the door Dave had pointed out earlier and stepping inside, sure to lock the door behind him and dumping his pyjamas on the floor.

So he had just chickened out of flashing his stupid unfit chest at Bro. To be fair he had never felt more out of shape as when he was running his hands over that tan chest, because wow, there was not a single ounce of fat on that man. He was stupidly in shape. John wasn't unfit, he guessed, but he certainly didn't have a six pack you could break rocks on, or a figure like a model! It was totally unfair. He couldn't live up to that.

He sighed and pulled off his top, leaving it on the lid of the toilet as he hopped out of his trousers, leaving on his blue briefs as he leant down to pick up his pyjama bottoms, but he stopped when he caught movement between his legs and _holy fuck had he just dropped out of the ceiling!?_

John leapt up and grabbed a towel to cover himself, eyes darting between Bro and the flat white expanse above him.

"How-?"

"Like I'm gonna tell you. Come on, kid. Fair's fair." Bro smirked and tugged at the towel, and John pouted. "What? I'm not allowed to even see your chest after you fondled all over mine?"

"I didn't..." John glared, but he reluctantly lowered the towel all the same. Bro's gaze swept over his and his cheeks burnt, but he continued looking as annoyed as he could until there was a small breath, like people took to stay calm.

"Nice." Bro said after an eternity. "Not bad for a kid. Better figure than I had at your age."

"That's sorta hard to believe."

"Don't make it less true." Bro stepped closer, and John barely thought to react before cold leather was on his sides and he was tugged forward enough their stomachs were touching, and Bro's skin felt hot and firm.

"Um," He managed lamely, before his voice was lost into the mouth crushed firmly down to his, and his hands faltered out to press flat to the shapes of Bro's torso, sharp and defined and smooth. A moment later he felt his back pushed against the door, and their mouths were open again, the kiss slick, and the smoulder in the pit of his stomach he'd been trying to ignore ignited, fast, racing up him and pouring out in a desperate embrace that was growing messier, and quicker, and needy.

Bro dragged himself back and for the longest time they just stared at one another, eyes wide, hands still holding skin with thumbs and fingers tracing distracted circles against the heat. His breath was quick and his heart was loud, and he swallowed, running his tongue over his lips to wet them as a silent plea for more.

The Strider raised a hand to his cheek, thumb following the path his tongue had taken, and his freckled cheeks turned a deep, ruddy red.

"I think...I'm gonna take a shower." Bro murmured, so soft John barely heard it. He nodded silently, teeth just catching his bottom lip. "Wanna...wanna join me?"

John's eyes widened and his heart seized in the best possible way, the heat raging through his veins as he gave a weak nod.

"A shower sounds cool."

Bro untangled from him and moved to start the water, and John stared at him, feeling dizzy with emotion.

Dad was going to fucking kill him, and in the morning he would deal with that. Right now, however...

Well to be honest, right now he just couldn't care less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't want smut, chapter 67 is due tomorrow, skip to that.
> 
> ~~Otherwise, it's coming, no pun intended.~~
> 
> Bad net connection screwing up my attempts to upload, so both later, I'm afraid!


	66. ==> [S] John: Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shower time.
> 
>  
> 
> **SMUT**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm so sorry about my Internet, every time I've tried to actually upload this it's been cutting out! ANYWAY. It's fixed now.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Before you read this, please remember I do not own a penis. I do not entirely know how they work from the owners perspective. YEAH.~~

Bro spent some time adjusting the temperature, and John just... _watched_ , and felt his pulse stay racing with whatever was coming next. His fingers fidgeted with the waistbands of his briefs, nervous, and then he slid a finger down the front, feeling the heat that pulsed up and tensed the fabric at the contact. It made him tug his hand away, and his cheeks go crimson with the realisation he was going to have to get naked in front of Bro. That had not been on his list of things to do this week _at all_ , and his anxiety crept up, a little, though it couldn't overcome the thrill completely.

The man himself straightened fully and nodded approvingly at the shower, turning and smiling and moving over to John.

"Um. Um, I'm not sure I..." John tugged at his waistband again, sliding a hand down to try and hide the humiliatingly obvious shape there. "...I don't really wanna-"

Bro's lips silenced him, which was something he was getting more used to. He relaxed into it, a little, stomach aflutter with excitement and apprehension in equal part. Bro's hands let go of his shoulders swifter than before, and after the elder Strider fidgeted for a moment, John felt a hand take his wrist, tensing just slightly as his hand was tugged away from his briefs and rested on hot, smooth skin.

John's palm ran up and down what he rapidly realised was a bare thigh, and then he locked up tightly, hand freezing in place, as his mind caught up with what that entailed. He opened his eyes wide where they'd been sliding shut, looking at Bro's face and feeling pleased there was still a slight flush there, that he wasn't the only one who was having a reaction.

The kiss slowed, for a moment, as the tips of Bro's finger traced down his sides and left his skin tingling in their wake. He shivered and pushed up against him, squeezing his eyes tight shut as he felt those fingers catch at his waistband and start to ease it down.

Okay. Okay, he could do this. He was fine.

He tried to swallow his nerves as he felt them slide down enough they dropped the rest of the way, Bro's gloved palms brushing back up to his hips and holding them gently. John fidgeted, and the hands let go and moved behind his back, Bro's arms brushing his sides as they moved, before his palms were returning, hot and bare, fingers digging into John's sides just a little when Bro gently squeezed.

John started to nervously stroke his thigh again, tipping his head as Bro's tongue caught his lips and his mouth opened to allow a deeper kiss. Each stroke he brushed up to the ridge of his hips, then back down along his leg, until in a fit of curiosity he curved his hand instead around to his inner thigh and stroked lightly up it, feeling the muscle tense and Bro shiver against him.

Oh. That was a good place, then? He ran his fingers up and down and Bro's tongue was back stroking along the flat of his, and yes, okay, good place. John followed it up further, breath more rapid, but just as his hand caught soft, catching skin Bro stepped back, putting hands firmly on his shoulders, and John's eyes flicked open as he frowned in disappointment.

"...shower." Bro said, voice breathless. He cleared his throat, the red on his cheeks deepening. "Waste all the hot water at this rate."

John nodded, squeaking quietly when Bro's gaze dropped. Oh God he was naked in front of someone and that someone was _Bro_ and he suddenly wanted to curl up and hide and never speak of this again. Bro's grip on his shoulders tightened, and then he let go, John taking the chance to hop out of the briefs still caught on his ankles and abscond into the shower without another look at the man in front of him.

Hot water splashed over his face and hair and glasses, and he swore quietly as he pulled his glasses off and gingerly put them up on the soap tray halfway up the wall. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, the world a blurry mess of colours and rough shapes, but for the inch after his nose. He let his head dip and his eyes shut, water thundering onto his neck and calming his nerves, a little.

A hand rubbed his neck and he was pulled back to reality, eyes opening, jolting straight as Bro's arms dropped and wrapped around his waist, and he stepped up so John could feel his body pressed to his back. As the rest of him curved automatically backwards he felt the solid shape held between the small of his back and Bro's stomach, and wow, that didn't feel small and it didn't feel anything except hard and hot and as John trembled he felt it shift against him.

Bro leant in and down, and pressed his lips to his neck, gently, sending as electric jolt up John's spine, the flames in him starting to build again as Bro nuzzled tenderly up and then ran his broad tongue around the shell of his ear, piercing hot and solid against it. He dropped and caught the earlobe between his teeth, and the moment he nibbled John shuddered and covered his mouth with one hand as something new surged through him. He'd never thought his ears were sensitive at all, but okay! He'd been so very wrong!

The water was making it hard to keep his eyes open without constantly blinking out droplets so he shut them again, screwed them up with the effort of staying calm, and when Bro's hands shifted he briefly panicked, until he heard the pop of a bottle opening and realised he was probably just getting soap.

Bro tugged him out of the spray with one hand and John's back was empty for a second, before he was pushed against cold glass and sort of missed the warmth that had been there before. He rubbed the water out of his eyes and opened them, squinting up at where Bro was focusing on working the soap in his hands into a lather, his blonde hair slicked down around his head and a lot longer than John had thought it was.

His gaze dropped to his hands and then snapped straight back up because although without glasses he'd only got an impression of colour and length it was enough to both send a frisson down him and a bolt of insecurity bouncing around his head.

He really hoped he still had a lot of growing to do.

Bro's hands pressed flat to his chest and he blinked, giggling softly as the Strider began spreading lather over his stomach and arms and neck. He hadn't been washed by anyone since he was tiny, and it tickled as the bubbles were rubbed quickly over his skin.

The moment he was done spreading it, Bro's touch suddenly changed. It wasn't quick and firm it was light and slow, and John's giggle died as his hand clamped straight back over his mouth. Bro pulled it away, firmly, muttering about needing to wash it as his finger tips brushed lightly up the inside of John's arm, tingling fiercely, his breathing unsteady by the time Bro curved his hand round and moved them to rub slow circles over his chest. At first, the response it caused was less fierce, and John caught his breath as he stared down and watched the arcs of white being left against his golden-tan skin. Then Bro shifted out, and the pads of his thumbs covered both of his nipples, and the next circular rub made his stomach twist in a way that was in no way unpleasant, a small gasp escaping his lips as his arms shook, still obediently lowered.

Bro leant in and kissed his bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth and trailing his stud across it as the motion grew faster and firmer, below. John felt himself stiffening at the heady rush, and it only grew worse when the thumbs slid sharply down and dragged for a moment before they released him, Bro's finger massaging in the soap over his stomach and his sensitive sides, and then tracing the curve of his hip until John shuddered again, letting out a soft sound that was practically a whimper.

It was excruciating, the way Bro moved, carefully not to miss an inch of skin, except the one place John was certain he was avoiding even as he started to _want_ contact there, and setting every point he touched alight with sensation. He turned John to face the glass, and John leant heavily against it, panting and leaving dragging handprints in the condensation as his fingers flexed and his body shuddered. Nails scratched lightly up his spine and it curved like a cat's to the touch, then the hands dropped and rubbed across his ass and his face burnt as he pressed his forehead to the wet surface before him.

Bro's body pressed against him as hands slipped over his hips, and as they dipped John bit his lip, hard, already trembling against him. Bro shooshed him, softly, breath hot as it swept over his ear, and the the base of his shaft was wrapped in big, warm hand, and he hadn't realised how much he'd been aching for it until it was there, and Bro was rubbing soap up him in long, firm strokes, and with every one his stomach was filling with heat and his body was shaking and muffled noises were escaping no matter how hard he tried to stop them.

This wasn't anything like his own hand; God, he didn't know if he'd ever be happy with that again, because the feel of Bro against him was making him light headed all on its own. His wrist rotated so his fingers were running up the underside, and every time he went to pull back his finger hit just this _one_ spot and rubbed and sent lightning up through John's veins.

His other other hand moved and John choked quietly as he swept a thumb over his slit, smearing the fluid already welling out over his head and then rubbing his fingers across it in circles that were making him spasm with pleasure, fingers squeaking on the glass as he balled his own hands into fists and gave a shaky moan. Against his back, Bro's dick pulsed at the sound, and John felt giddy with the dim thought, below the rush, that he was doing that to him, that he was enjoying this too.

His hips rocked up to Bro's hands as he started to quiver, tightness and tingling spreading in waves through his body as he felt like he was getting close. He tried to fight it, not wanting this to end yet, but Bro's hands weren't stopping and his grip was tightening, and John groaned and ground back against him to try to get him to stop, yelping as the reaction was a sudden, sharp kiss to his shoulder, soft lips pressing to his skin as Bro sucked it up hard between his teeth, and a jolt of sharp pain flashed up his neck, mixing with an undeniable buzz of excitement.

Bro's hand gave a last, hard tug, and John felt the waves crash over him, locking up and letting out a thoughtless sound as he shoved back hard and spilled against the glass, mind blank but for the overwhelming sensation as Bro let his shoulder drop from his mouth and whispered soft nothings in his ear.

The world came back to him.

Bro's hands were back to just holding him, hugging him, and he caught his breath, blushing furiously as the initial euphoria dimmed and reality took hold.

Um.

"Are you okay?" Bro asked him, quietly, thumbs stroking over his stomach soothingly.

"...yeah." John mumbled, then laughed nervously. "Wow. Uh."

Bro kissed his ear gently, and ran a hand up his slicked, soapy chest, letting out a sigh.

"We should probably get you cleaned up."

John laughed softly, and turned, and hugged him tightly as Bro stroked a hand over the soft hair on his neck. He wasn't...sure, how to feel, but he was being held to Bro's chest and that was enough there was a warmth in his own.

Bro tugged him back into the water, and washed him off, and John just shut his eyes and enjoyed it, deciding to let all the worries in his mind wait until the morning, and just focus on the lasting, fuzzy glow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THEN.


	67. ==> Bro: Wake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm relieved the last chapter went down well! Phew. I can write the smut. Good.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Dave lovers, I'm so sorry for this Arc.~~

He woke up in the dim light of morning, briefly struggling to recall anything at all other than the heat his arm was buried under and how tired he still felt.

Details drifted through to him. Kids. John. Shower.

_Oh._

His eyes opened fully and he looked down at the mess of black hair resting on his shoulder and became aware of John curled up to his side, his own arm wrapped, numb, around him. He was naked, but he could feel John was at least wearing something where it mattered, and after craning his head up he slumped back with mixed feelings about the fact it appeared to be his own, too-large orange boxers.

So...that was a thing that had happened.

His stomach knotted as he reached his hand over to brush back John's hair from his peaceful face, adorable in sleep. He wanted to lean down and kiss him, but he couldn't reach, his motions only making John wriggle to try and get comfortable again. As he did, his head rolled back and he laid on his back, exposing his other shoulder and sending ice straight into Bro's chest.

"Shit shit shit!" He mumbled, hand dropping from his hair to brush the purple bruise on his shoulder, large and dark and clear in source. Against John's skin it was clear as day, and he swallowed and traced the shape of it and groaned.

He was so dead. That was it. Time to book the fucking funeral because he'd just signed his death warrant in purple-blue ink.

For a while, he lay back and stared at the ceiling, a queasiness settling in his stomach. He'd crossed a line - no, he'd fucking leapfrogged the line and sprinted as far across it as he could go. Kissing and cuddling where one thing but _Christ_ , this was different, and he should've known better than to go this far with a kid.

He wanted to say he wouldn't go further, but he didn't know anymore, didn't trust himself, because in the moment, as he'd held him and felt the kiss grow wanting, it had been easy to stop thinking about things like age and common sense and just to focus on _John,_ and how good it felt to let go.

He groaned and carefully shifted his arm from under John, sitting up and looking down at him, fingers brushing the curve of his cheek. God, this kid. He was starting to submit that getting over him just wasn't going to be an option.

Bro's attention was pulled away as his door was knocked, and he grumbled, standing and dragging on his jeans as he moved over and opened it. Dirk was standing outside, and silently offered up his gloves in one hand and John's glasses in the other.

Bro took them, slowly.

"Dave told me to give these to you, and tell you you're a fucking filthy asshole who shouldn't fuck his friends in the bathroom next to his room."

Bro flinched, opening his mouth, but all that came out was a choke as one of Dirk's legs whipped up and smacked hard into his crotch.

"He also said to tell you that is from him." Dirk said cheerfully, turning and walking off as Bro slumped against the wall and groaned. Fuck Dave, seriously, and fuck robots with fucking metal legs.

After a minute to recover, Bro shut the door and shuffled back to the bed, sitting on it and sighing down at the things in his hands. So Dave probably hated him again, and that was going to be a headache, even if the hate was probably entirely justified. He just hoped Dave didn't go too hard on John.

"Um...good morning, Bro!"

He looked down as John's arms wrapped around his stomach, feeling lips press to his back. With a smile he couldn't stop, he leant back and stroked his hair, and John beamed back, cheeks pink.

"Morning, kid." He murmured as his hand slid down to cup his cheek. "Have a good night?"

The pink flushed to red and John giggled. "...yeah...I really did."

It wasn't quite what he'd meant but he was pleased by it anyway, ruffling his hair and chuckling. John sat up, brushing their lips together, then hopped to his feet and skipped to his case, fishing out some clothes and dressing without taking off Bro's boxers.

"Uh." Bro coughed at the low neck of the t-shirt he'd pulled on, pointing awkwardly at his shoulder. "Might not wanna..."

John frowned, going to the mirror on Bro's wardrobe and looking his shoulder over with a squint, expression quickly shifting to embarrassed horror.

"Oh my God!" He squeaked, darting back and finding a shirt that covered it completely. Bro watched guiltily, noticing even once the new shirt was on John kept rubbing over it, agitatedly.

"I'm sorry." Bro said softly, and John looked up at him, shaking his head.

"It's okay! I just...I've never had anything like, um, that before." John smiled weakly. "How long will it take to go away?"

"...depends. Just...be careful until it does."

John nodded, and moved over to kiss his cheek, mumbling about breakfast as Bro handed him his glasses and then watched him cheerfully head out, hand still uneasily rubbing over the hidden mark.

Bro sighed, and grabbed a shirt, and followed him out to face whatever storm thinking with his dick had no doubt unleashed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bro is so dead, guys. :D
> 
> I say nothing but Ship you will like the next chapter HINT HINT.


	68. ==> John: Find Your Best Bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John decides to catch up with Dave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship, there is some things in here you'll like, but a lot you...may...not?
> 
> FYI: This Arc, as we can tell, is angsty as le fuck. I promise you the next Arc will be fluffy to make up for it.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Early spoilers: Kanaya is in it~~

John stopped outside the door long enough for the blush to settle, grinning at nothing, then jumped a mile when the door opened and quickly scampered to the front room, where Dirk and Jade were sitting on the futon, the machine knelt behind her and brushing her long hair as she cheerfully gave him instructions on how to braid it.

"Oh! Hi guys! Um...where's Dave?"

"He is in his room trying to smother himself with his pillow unless he had moved since we last spoke." Dirk replied, without look around. "I would advise caution if you intend to bother him."

"Why? What's up with him?"

"I do not know for sure, but he was very upset when he abandoned his shower and gave me your glasses to return to you."

"Oh...I'll...I'll just go talk to him." John gave a bright smile, feeling Bro's hand stroke his arm as the older man moved past him and headed to the kitchenette. A little worry pulsed through him. His glasses had been in the bathroom...Dave couldn't know, could he? Oh God, what if he did? His smile faltered.

With one last glance at the three of them he turned and moved to Dave's room, knocking and frowning when there was no answer after a few minutes. He knocked more insistently, then just tried the door, the thing swinging inwards and allowing him to pad nervously forward into the gloomy room, blinds down and lights all out.

"Dave?" He asked nervously, shutting the door behind him. "Are you okay?"

"On top of the fucking world." Dave's voice replied, muffled, from the bed. John shifted towards it, heart sinking as he heard a quiet sniffle. "Why aren't you with my dick of a brother?"

"Because I wanted to chill with my best bro and you're holed up in here, so..."

"Don't give me that shit. Leave me alone."

"Dave..." John stopped by the bed as his eyes adjusted, seeing the lump in the covers and his pale hands holding a pillow over his head. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know, John. I don't know what's wrong. But you know what I do know? I know that on the other side of the fucking wall by my head is our fucking bathroom, I know that. And do you know what else I know? I know I couldn't sleep last night, John. I know I was lying awake _all fucking night with my head a wall away from the fucking shower._ "

_Oh no._

John swallowed as Dave pulled the pillow off and sat up, shades absent and face streaked with tears, red eyes bright and angry even in the dark.

"I know you and him are stupid fucks and you deserve to get into a ton of fucking trouble for everything you've done but I know I care about both of you too fucking much to say anything. I know that I had to lay here and listen to you fucking _moan_ and hear noises I _did not want to hear_ coming from you and my fucking _thirty-two year old brother._ I know I feel sick even thinking about it and I know you are a _stupid fucking idiot_ and I am fucking _done_ , I am so fucking done, with all of this stupid shit and you and him. That's it. I'm fucking through."

"Dave, please-"

"Please _what_? Please be accepting of a fucking mess of a relationship you've decided to fucking pursue when you have a fucking boyfriend, asshole or not? Please forget about what I heard and what it means and all the pain it fucking put me through? What exactly do you fucking want from me right now, John, because I one hundred fucking percent sure I have _nothing_ to offer you."

John stared at him, and opened his mouth blankly, then closed it again when nothing came but the stinging in his eyes. He shrugged awkwardly and took a step back, flinching when Dave stood, fists shaking down by his sides.

"I'm sorry." John managed eventually, looking up and into Dave's eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Fuck, John, you hurt me every fucking _day_."

John felt tears finally well up in his eyes at that and opened his mouth in upset shock, but Dave grabbed his shoulders and crushed his mouth down against John's lips, nothing like the last, gentle brush they'd shared. This was hard and slow and when Dave threaded a hand into his hair and started actually kissing, John shivered for a moment before accepting and returning the embrace, shutting his eyes and just going with the flow. His hands reached up and caught each other around the back of Dave's neck, and after a second Dave's other hand took his waist, squeezing it when John made a soft sound at the feeling of the coolkid's teeth catching his bottom lip.

Dave pulled away, hands instantly dropping from John, wiping his mouth on his arm and averting his eyes.

"You said you were over me." John accused quietly, and Dave grimaced, folding his arms.

"Yeah, and I thought I was. Turns out what I was _over_ was just fancy fucking blue words and a picture on a screen. Just an imaginary person who I never got to meet."

"But you _have_ met me now, Dave."

"Yeah, and that's the _point_ , you dumbass, I'm not over _you_. I'm not over your laugh or the way you move and talk or how it feels when you hug me or feeling you kiss me. I'm not over how your eyes look in real life or how everything about you _is_ and I'm not over the fucking noises you make when my brother sucks your dick or whatever the fuck you were doing!"

"He only-"

"I _do not_ want to fucking know." Dave snapped quickly, then sighed and shook his head. "That's not the point. You know Rose said once, she figured we were like, soul mates. Perfect together. But she said that soul mates could sometimes just be friends, like a paler kinda romance, once that never got physical or whatever. I reckon she was looking at the wrong fucking Strider, because holy _shit_. I tried for years to impress you and be whatever the fuck you wanted, and you made fun of me and laughed it off and didn't give a shit. I don't know what the fuck he's doing different but man, I wish I'd fucking thought of it."

"I...I don't know! He's just him, and I like him, and..."

"And you're never gonna like me like that."

"Dave, you're my best friend, you always will be, I care about you a whole lot-"

"John if you are seriously about to give me the 'let's just be friends' talk, please shut the fuck up and don't bother." John shut his mouth, blushing. "I know, okay? I fucking know. And unlike you, I actually give enough of a damn about my girlfriend I wouldn't want to consider doing shit right now anyway."

That...hurt. He did care about Karkat! He'd been given free reign! They'd spoken about...most of it...

"I just needed you to fucking know how much it hurts watching how you are with him, because that right there is everything I fucking wanted, and I swear, if it was anyone else I would probably be happy for you, but it's Bro, and it's in my face, and it's not okay."

"I'm sorry." John said again, earnestly. "Dave, I don't think I can change how I feel about him."

"Dude, you're fourteen. Give it a few fucking years and maybe you'll come to your senses about what a jackass you've chosen to be fucking obsessed with."

Dave scrubbed at his face with his palms, then slouched, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"Just do me a favour and try not to get hurt, okay? I don't want to have to watch someone break your fucking heart."

John nodded, silently, and Dave pointed to the door, mumbling about time to clean up. John hesitated, wanting to hug him so badly, and promise him he would always care about him, even if it wasn't like that. To tell him he loved him, even if it _was_ in whatever friend way Rose had said.

In the end he just let his head droop, and shuffled out into the corridor, flinching when the door locked behind him.

He wandered out to the lounged and sat beside Jade, disinterestedly watching Dirk finishing off the ornate braid he had already worked most of it into. Jade smiled up at him, and John managed half a smile back, before it dropped to a frown.

"Neither of you have some sort of secret stupid crush on me, do you?"

"I can confirm my only interests are directed at Jake." Dirk intoned instantly, as Jade blinked at him and pulled a face.

"Oh my gosh, John, no! You're practically my brother now, that would be weird! Why would you even ask that?"

John snorted, and slumped backwards, groping for the remote and flicking onto some nonsense channel to distract his messy mind.

"I don't know, the way my life is going?" He sighed, "I guess I'm just starting to think it's a question I should be asking people more often."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for today, but more tomorrow, and tomorrow I will also be drabbling the reqs I have received on Tumblr, so expect some random, mostly canon one shots to turn up :D
> 
> You can still go shoot me a request, I am khemi on Tumblr also, any and all pairings and scenarios welcome.
> 
> More tomorrow, cherubs.


	69. ==> Bro: Answer The Door Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's only so many people who knock on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am doing le drabbles, there's already a new one in the series, but I felt so bad for where I left Dave that I decided to post this earlier in the day.
> 
> Oh God I'm starting to feel bad for characters in a fic. _Help me._

His coffee was interrupted by a knock at the door.

For a moment, he considered the very limited options for who it could be, and weighed up the chances that Dad had found his way back alone.

That struck him as possible, but unlikely, so he relaxed, slouching over to open the door.

"Hey, lemony hot stuff!"

Oh good.

Bro rolled his eyes and stepped back, waving her in, and Terezi breezed past him, pausing and narrowing her eyes at the two people now staring at her from the couch, Dirk having instantly slid to the floor.

"Hi! You must by the derpy twins!"

"We aren't twins!" John complained, as Jade giggled and nudged his shoulder. "Does Dave tell _everyone_ that?"

"Pretty much! Mmm. I'm going to call you mister blueberry."

Dave's door opened at the sound of her voice, and he appeared and instantly wrapped her in a tight hug, burying his shadeless face in her shoulder as she blinked and then hugged him back.

"Hey, coolkid, what's-?"

"Slap me." He said as he straightened, hands on her waist. Bro raised an eyebrow and Terezi blinked. "Don't ask why. Just slap me. I deserve it."

"Dave, you can be really, really stupid sometimes, but nothing you've ever done has deserved me slapping you."

"You slap Vriska all the time."

"That's different."

"If I cheated on you, would you slap me?"

"If you cheated on me I'd take you to the courts and feed you to His Grand Tyranny."

"His Grand Tyranny is a poster on your wall."

"Exactly. I couldn't feed you to him, but you wouldn't do that so it doesn't matter."

Bro noticed John trying to sink out of sight and frowned. Oh, well. That would explain the kick in the dick he'd been blessed with earlier.

"What if I did, though?"

"Dave Motherfucking Strider, shut up." She glared at him, and had she said that like it was actually a middle name? Bro tried not to snicker at that. "You wouldn't, not vindictively, because as much of a stupid dork as you are, you're also actually a kind of good person and I know you better than that. You aren't a dick, even though you act like one. The prosecution has searched for evidence to the contrary and everything she's uncovered has so far only strengthened the case for you being a decent guy."

"Rez-"

"Shoosh, only sensible things now. I don't know what you did and I don't want to know, but I know the first thing you did just now was come here and hug me and try and get me to give you fair punishment and that shows whatever it was you didn't do it to hurt me, you didn't try to hide you'd done something, you didn't try and avoid the charge and skip the sentence, and I didn't even have a case against you. Do you have any idea how few people would actually do that?"

Dave gave her a weak smile, and she jabbed his chest accusingly.

"So don't you dare try and talk yourself down. I've told you before, you're not half as bad a fuckup as you think you are, and even if you were, I agreed to date you knowing what I was getting into, and what I was getting into was you."

"...I thought I'd be getting into you." He joked half-heartedly, and she cackled.

"You _would_ think that." She said mischievously, before hopping up to the tips of her toes and kissing him. "Now stop beating yourself up, whatever it is, you've been granted a full pardon. Introduce me to the people who I have recently discovered - in a shocking revelation - are not in fact twins as the defence had stated, and if you want a feelings jam we can build a blanket fort again and you can spill it like a schoolgirl if you have to."

"Okay, I guess that'd be cool. Can I wear my ironic pyjamas again?"

"The fuzzy bunny ones? The judge will allow for such frivolities on this occasion."

"Fucking sweet." Dave's smile was more relaxed, and he leant down and kissed her and Jade made a little adorable sound. "Love you, you madwoman."

"Love you too, you stupid cherry coolkid."

Bro went and retrieved his coffee, still watching his now calm brother sling an arm over her shoulder and turn and gesture at the kids.

"Okay, so the fucking amazon is Jade, she's the island girl I told you about." Jade waved and said a chirpy hello and Terezi declared her lime. "And this is John. Guys, this is Terezi, she's my girlfriend in case the sloppy makeouts hadn't made that fucking obvious."

"Oh! This is the infamous Egbert. I _see_." She waggled her eyebrows, and John smiled weakly, eyes flicking in a slight panic from her to Dave. "Well then, mister blueberry, it's good to finally meet you! Dave rambles about you a lot."

"I don't ramble-" She gave him a look. "- _that_ much..."

"The prosecution refutes that testimony." She nudged his side with a bony elbow. "And it also notes a flaw in your case, defendant! This isn't everyone! You promised me I could meet the 'robot'!"

She said it disbelievingly, and Dave laughed nervously as Bro tensed. He was half tempted to say no, but he also knew Dirk well enough to know it was probably too late.

As expected his son - holy shit _no_ , his _creation_ \- straightened from behind the futon, one hand in his pocket and the other giving her a wave.

"Oh! Hello then. My name is Dirk."

The look on her face was priceless, and Bro was laughing by the time Dave had dragged her away to explain no, that wasn't facepaint, and no, it wasn't a trick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will finally introduce some of Dave's other friends, so that's going to be fun! Expect some Tavros and Nepeta.
> 
> Oh, and I'm sorry about how heavy some of this has been recently, I guess I just got a story in my head and wanted to run with it? ;;-;;


	70. ==> John: Sit With Dirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone keeps giving out this address.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Intros! These guys are more important later but here's the first time John meets them :)
> 
> Not 100% happy with it, but hopefully it's cool.

Dirk sat down awkwardly between him and Jade, twiddling his thumbs with a frown. Instantly Jade was rubbing his back, and even John felt a little sorry at the expression on his face.

"I sometimes forget that I am not normal." The machine murmured, shrugging. "Everyone else has been so accepting."

"Well you're plenty normal to me!" Jade assured him. "My Grandpa left me a robot, so you don't seem that strange at all."

"Dave's girlfriend did not like me."

"I think that was just shock. You're pretty one of a kind, dude." John pointed out, laughing. "When I first met you I was given a pair of talking glasses. I either freaked out completely or just went with it, I guess! I'm sure once she's calmed down she'll do the same."

"If she is not does that mean she will not want Dave hanging with me anymore?"

"I don't think Dave would listen if she did, Dirk!"

He fell silent, but he still looked worried, lights a little dim in his eyes. Jade put an arm around him and pulled him into a hug with a smile.

"Besides, whatever she thinks, you'll still have everyone else, silly! I think you're great, and so does John!" He nodded in agreement. "So don't be so sad! You'll be okay."

"Yeah, Dirk! You'll be fine!" John smiled, and Dirk's head picked up a little, his frown turning to a slight smile in return.

"Thank you...you are both nice people. I am glad to have met you."

They both hugged him and his small smile became a large beam, his eyes lighting back up, right until the moment there was another knock on the door.

Bro grumbled and stalked to it, and as John looked around he could see the elder Strider had his sword out, behind the door, as he cautiously opened it. There was a brief pause.

"Um. Hello, there, sir. Is this where, I think, Dave lives?"

"Fuck who keeps giving out my fucking address?" Bro complained loudly, and Dirk took the opportunity to pull up his good. "DAVEY!"

John heard his door open as he craned to try and see past Bro.

"What? Kinda busy explaining to Rez you're a fucking mad scientist."

"Well pause it long enough to explain to me why the fuck you keep inviting people without my fucking permission!"

"I didn't invite anyone!"

Terezi cackled from within his room, and after muffled argument Dave appeared and shooed Bro from the door, pulling it open.

"Next time Rez says I said something, check I actually fucking said it, but as you're here come in I guess."

"Yeah, invite them in, 'cause it's _your_ fucking house."

"Bro shut the fuck up." Dave said wearily, stepping back. As he did, the first thing John saw was an excited looking girl in a green coat and a hat that made Jade squeal and jump up, who bounced in and ran over and eagerly looks between them.

"Wow! You're TG's furends!" She clapped her gloved hands, pointing. "John and Jade and Dirk! Oh wow, that's a purfect Cosplay!" She added to Dirk as he nervously looked around, her eyes widening in awe.

"Um...thank you, excitable girl."

"Nepeta! And you're welcome! That must have taken you furever to make!"

"I had some help." He replied, glancing past her to Bro.

"Your contacts are amazing! They practically glow!"

Dirk smiled nervously, and Jade giggled, before loudly exclaiming, "I love your hat!"

"Oh thank you!" Nepeta purred back, clapping again, and then she had pounced over to that side of the futon, and Dirk was looking at John as his eyes flashed.

"Cosplay." The machine said aloud. "A brilliant excuse."

"Works better than 'oh hi I'm a robot'." John snorted, nudging his shoulder. "Or just hiding in a hooded shirt forever."

"I like my hood." Dirk replied with a synthetic sniff, pulling at it. "It's cosy. Dave says it suits me."

"Hey, dude, it look cool!" John soothes quickly, and Dirk relaxed, still fiddling with the cord of his pullover protectively. "Dave's right."

"I'm always right." The coolkid drawled it just by his ear and he jumped, turning and nearly falling off the futon. "John. Calm the fuck down you wuss. Finishing off introductions." He flicked his fringe, gesturing down beside him to a guy who was sitting in a wheelchair, hands in his lap, with a mostly shaved head but for a strip of brown curls running down the centre. John waved, and got a nervous wave back, as tawny eyes turned expectantly up to Dave. "John, this is Tavros, my...ex. Tav, this is John, my pet idiot."

"Hello John," Tavros smiled, voice soft and faltering, like he stammered over pauses instead of letters. "It is good to, well, meet you! Dave has spoken to me, quite a lot, about you."

"Oh...has he?" John glanced up and the coolkid's face was perfectly serene, which annoyed him a little. Right now he really wanted to know what was going on in his head! First he had the breakdown and then Terezi had clearly helped, but he was straight back to acting like nothing was up and that felt...weird.

"Yes. Nothing too, um, bad." Tavros laughed, smiling. "I doubt he mentioned me, much, at all. I know he didn't feel, totally comfortable, then.

"He told us about you at Christmas." John replied, and Tavros actually brightened, his smile less unsure. "And I mean, even if it wasn't by name I've heard all about all his friends."

"Oh! Even, uh, Vriska?"

"Spiderbitch." Dave supplied smoothly, and John snorted and nodded, as Tavros laughed. "What? Accurate description, yo. All the irons in all the fires but not a fucking ounce of sanity in her pretty blue head."

"She can be, a little, okay, sometimes."

"Hey I only hang with her 'cause Rez and you tell me to. She's nuts. She'd probably try to eat you for breakfast, Egbert, she's a black widow if ever I saw one, crawls around webbing in poor fools and leaves a stream of hearts as cracked as her eight balls."

Tavros laughed again, but John frowned. That didn't sound much like a friend at all!

"Now, I'll introduce you to Jade in a second, her and Nep are probably lost in furry-land right now. This fine metal dude in the red is Dirk."

"Oh! The one your, douchebag, brother built?"

"Hey, maybe lets avoid repeating insults when he's armed and in the room and will strife me to oblivion?" Dave said quickly, as Bro shifted. "But yeah, that one."

Dirk raised his hood slightly, looking at Tavros with a frown. "You...believe that I am a construct?"

"Why wouldn't I, because, Dave told me so, and he wouldn't, just, lie?"

"You could be considered gullible."

"Maybe, but, you really are like he, um, said. So this time, I was just a good friend, who believed him." He smiled broadly, looking what he could see of Dirk up and down.

Dirk relaxed, smiling back, and Dave distractedly rested a hand on the handle of Tavros' wheelchair, running a thumb over it as John watched. John felt...sort of jealous of that, so he looked back to where the girls were talking in high voices and clapping and bouncing a lot. Well, here were the friends who he'd always wanted Dave to ditch. They were actually, annoyingly...nice.

"I'm gonna go see if Rez has finished her weird court battle over your humanity." Dave said to Dirk, catching John's attention again. "You guys chill, and make sure Nepeta doesn't try and kidnap Jade to drag her to her fangirl lair, okay?"

"Understood." Dirk hummed back. Dave nodded curtly, and strolled off, leaving John half wanting to chase him down the corridor.

"Dave says, uh, you like, interesting, movies? He said, there's a guy you like, in them. I don't really watch, a lot of, films. I probably don't know, much about, him."

And like that, his attention was on Tavros, and he was launching into an excited speech on how he needed to see these films, and how the world desperately needed more films starring the glory that was Nic Cage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now
> 
> Who wants some Dad?
> 
> I do!


	71. ==> Bro: Take One More Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third time's the charm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO ABOUT THAT DAD YOU ORDERED

The third time there was a knock, he swore and stood, pulling out his sword and storming to it with a dark expression and a will to murder whoever else had decided to interrupt what he'd planned to be a quiet day with John.

He opened the door with a glare.

"Good morning, Mister Strider."

His glare turned frosty calm, and he quickly captchalogued his sword before it could be seen.

"Yo." He said impassively to the impeccable man outside his door, a cake balanced perfectly on one hand and a pipe in the other. "You baked a cake in a hotel? Seriously?"

"I am always prepared." Dad replied smoothly, holding it out and smiling as Bro grudgingly took it. He was annoyed it looked as delicious as it did. Stupid Dad. Stupid cakes.

With that Dad was past him, and Bro grumbled and shut the door, carrying the cake to the kitchen as he heard Dad go and introduce himself to the newcomers and then ask the kids how their night had been.

"Oh! It was great! Dirk is the best at bedtime stories!" Jade declared happily.

"It was, uh-" Bro flinched at the hesitation, watching Dad instantly put his pipe between his lips, still listening to John. "-pretty cool, I guess!"

"Well I'm glad you both had a good time. John, would you do me a favour?" He tapped at the empty front of his shirt, "I seem to have accidentally left one my ties in your case, would you get it for me?"

John tensed and his smile wavered, and Bro allowed himself an actual, muttered curse. Fuck this man. Fuck this man straight to hell.

Dad leant back as John stood and nervously darted down the corridor, watching him with a calm expression. John vanished into Bro's room - he hoped, but knew it was futile, that Dad didn't know that - and sheepishly returned with a tie. Dad took it, smiled serenely, and did it up around his neck. He tugged it one last time and nodded.

"Thank you, son." His voice had the fucking _edge_ , and Bro abandoned his coffee, moving for his whiskey. "Could I have a word with you?"

John nodded, following him back to the door and out into the corridor, shooting Bro a worried glance as the Strider just smirked mirthlessly and raised his glass to him before downing the lot.

He didn't bother listening, but he heard a few things anyway. The soft murmur of voices and John's briefly rising in panic then dropping abruptly. Dad's soft, stern tone. A long pause he didn't want to know the cause of.

John came back in first, and he was adjusting his collar, looking at the floor. Bro shut his eyes, and pushed up his shades to massage the lids, because well, _fuck._

He opened his eyes again when Dad entered, casually, shut the door, moved over to him. The man gestured at the whiskey.

"I would not mind a glass, if you would?"

Bro poured him one, hoping he drowned on it the whole time. Dad took it, sipped calmly, and his gaze snapped to Bro's through the dark glass like there was a fucking beacon to guide it, leaving Bro tense and staring into judgement and anger and pain and an utter loathing that shook him, behind his pokerface. He stared back defiantly, for all it couldn't be seen.

"I gave you a chance." Dad said quietly, against the rim of his glass. Bro felt a small stab of ice in his gut but outwardly he snorted.

"You'd already made your mind up about me."

"You did not prove me wrong."

It was simple as it was cutting. Bro frowned and reached for the bottle, and with that unnerving rapid movement Dad took his wrist, holding it firmly.

"I think one drink is more than enough around children. It would not do to have too much and do something you...regret."

Bro pulled his wrist back and rubbed it, curling his lip as he found firm, angry voice. "I've never regretted _anything_ I've done, asshole."

"Well then, Mister Strider. Maybe it's about time you _should_."

They stared each other down for as long as possible, until Bro's eyes stung and he blinked. Instantly, Dad smiled calmly at him, victorious, and Bro glared as he took another sip of whiskey, and simply turned, chuckled, and walked calmly away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dadbert is always prepared.
> 
> /tonight
> 
> Tomorrow will start with John's POV for this and what comes next, by the way. That conversation outside the door...
> 
> Night night for now cherubs.


	72. ==> John: Follow Your Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minutes in the past, but not many.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John's POV of the conversation.
> 
> ((Thank you to my new shiny betas Gobetti and Kyan you guys are lovely. <3))
> 
> HERE WE GO

"Could I have a word with you?"

John felt his heart clench, but dutifully nodded anyway, knowing full well there was hardly a get-out now. His father walked, as empty of overt emotion as always, and with a gulp he trailed behind, shooting a look at Bro and getting a wry smirk and a toast for his trouble. They were both dead. John caught him downing the drink and knew Bro was entirely aware of that too.

The door shut behind him like a coffin, closing him into the gloomy, claustrophobic corridor with Dad, the light above them half-dead and flickering bright at odd intervals. He wondered briefly if he could abscond up to the roof without Dad noticing.

Yeah, no, that was stupid.

"So, um, what do you want to talk about, Dad?" John managed to sound bright, even if there was a little strain in his words. His father regarded him impassively, adjusting the tie again, the stupid clearly planned tie, and then inclining his head.

"John, I need you to be truthful with me."

"...sure, Dad." He replied weakly. This was not where he wanted to be, not now and not ever, not with Dad giving him a look that screamed he just _knew._ His fingers rubbed agitatedly at his shoulder.

"What actually happened last night, after I left?"

"Bro came back and all of us watched a film together," Don't lie, that was the trick, just avoid the whole truth, he internally directed himself. "Um, I got my pyjamas, I had a shower and then I went to bed."

"Really."

It was the _voice_ , and John felt the colour drain from his face. He nodded mutely, and Dad sighed, sounding almost disappointed.

"John, why was the room you retrieved my tie from not David's?"

His head dropped, a little. "...because my case wasn't in Dave's room."

"And why was it not in David's room?"

"Because after you left I moved it."

"And why did you move it?"

"So I had more room to sleep on the floor."

John's eyes flicked up to Dad, but he regretted it instantly, seeing the slight paleness on his tense lips and the way his eyebrows had shifted, just slightly.

"You said you would be truthful." The man said calmly, no accusation in his voice, merely a statement of fact. Nonetheless it stabbed sharply into John's already knotting stomach.

"Dad-"

"Let me try this another way. Look me in the eyes and tell me you spent last night in David's room."

Dad took hold of his shoulders and held his gaze, mouth opening, but he felt his voice tremble in his throat and in the end all he could do was drop his head, fingers biting into his shoulder in nervous apprehension. Dad let go, sighing again.

"John, you do not have to keep this to yourself, I am here to _help_ you. If that man is taking advantage of you-"

"He's never taken advantage of me!" John replied quickly, voice starting to rise with agitation, his indirect admission realised too late.

"Then tell me - promise me - everything he has done you understood, and wanted, and felt comfortable with."

"I-" His fingers clenched into his shirt again. "-Dad, listen, I-"

"Promise me." His father repeated firmly.

John stared at him, and wanted to, but...couldn't. He was trying to avoid it but there was that flicker of resentment, of confusion, about the night before, and it left the words dying on his tongue. But it was fine! It was totally fine! Maybe he _had_ been unsure but nothing bad had happened so that didn't matter!

It didn't matter.

...did it?

"Oh, John." Dad murmured, putting a hand in his shoulder as soon as his hand dropped. "I should have stepped in when I first thought it, not left it so long. I am sorry, son, if my indecision has let you down."

"Dad, I'm fine!"

John glared, feeling his defences shoot up, until a moment too late he felt the hand on his shoulder applying pressure and a bolt of aching pain darted up him, making him flinch.

"You do not usually rub your shoulder when you are nervous." His father observed calmly, and before John could stop him his fingers were hooked into his collar and dragging his top down enough he could see the bruise that had settled against John's skin.

John stayed silent, other than the sound of his shaky breaths, his hands snapping up to grip his father's arm. Dad's face hadn't changed, but it was like his eyes had hardened, sharpened, like in the deep blue there were sparks of a storm.

Finally, his father dropped his collar, lowering his hands and balling them both into fists as his knuckles cracked loudly. John trembled, stood for a moment, and then throwing caution to the wind he absconded back into the apartment, readjusting his collar to try to straighten it and focusing on the floor, not wanting to see _anyone_ right now. He was scared, and upset, and angry. All it would have taken was just saying he was fine! Just one promise! _Why_ couldn't he manage it?

He sat down on the futon in silent misery and after a few looks he was left there, hands on the sides of his head and eyes on the ground, elbows digging into his knees, not wanting to know what came next. Dirk briefly, awkwardly, patted his back, clearly trying to soothe him and coming off as clumsy at it at best. In the end he waited as long as he could before dropping his hands and raising his head.

"That did not go well?" Dirk observed quietly beside him, and he sighed heavily.

"No. It didn't." John allowed himself a furtive glance over his shoulder, pleased to see Bro looked fine and Dad was calmly looking over the group of kids with a small smile, a glass in his hand. "But I...I guess it's still okay, for now."

"If you need assistance you need only ask."

"...Thanks, Dirk."

John was watching his father warily now, as the man pulled out his phone and started clearly texting. This passed for a few minutes before he neatly put his glass down, and out of his sylladex ejected one of his small square cards, of the sort he used to EXCLAIM FATHERLY PRIDE, and a black pen.

He leant on the wall to write it, and John squinted to try and see the small letters but couldn't quite make them out, grumbling about his eyesight. Dirk turned and tilted his head, and then made a small buzzing noise that John couldn't quite decipher.

Dad tucked away the pen, looked over the card, and strode to the kitchen. He tossed it to Bro, who caught it smoothly, and then without a farewell he was out of the door, which shut quietly behind him.

Bro read it, and glared at the ceiling, storming out of the kitchen and into his room.

"...What the hell was that?" John asked nervously, tugging at Dirk's sleeve. The machine looked at him, clearly contemplating. "Dirk! I know you could read it, what the hell did it say?"

The robot whirred, then frowned, looking up as Bro had done with eyes sparking with thought until he finally spoke in a suspicious, almost hurt tone.

"...It said 'Roof. Five minutes. Bring a sword.'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who wanted to see Bro v Dadbert?
> 
> Guess what!


	73. ==> Bro: Strife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro v Dad
> 
> STRIFE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes on Dad here: He thinks his son is being abused by this man, that he failed to stop it, and the love of his life is lying to him. Hopefully that adds perspective to his actions.

That son of a bitch did _not_ get to do this.

Not in his home, not on his roof, not in his words.

He had slammed the door to his room, gone straight for the trapdoor, and as he manoeuvred towards the duct he was breathing fast, his deadpan left broken on the kitchen floor. This was not how this battle went. He always fought on his _own_ terms, not at the beckoned call of a lunatic.

Yet here he was, ascending the metal tunnel to the roof. Fuck it all. If the asshole wanted a strife, he could _have one_.

He emerged silently and drew his sword as the door opened, Dad strolling out like he didn't have a care in the world. The man sauntered, holding his gaze, to the centre of roof, where he merely rolled up his sleeves and then slid his hands back into his pockets, pipe between his lips, a quirk of his eyebrow daring Bro to make the first move.

Bro tensed, spreading his feet enough to get a good stance, carefully regarding the distance between them, fully aware there was no way he could predict what was coming.

It occurred to him most parents would have called the police. In the heartbeats that timed their long moments of inaction, for the first time he thought to wonder why the man had not.

The silence shattered as the man simply scratched the rough concrete with his shoe and Bro's tense mind bolted into action, leaving him taking two quick strides and lunging for a downwards strike. Dad flickered sideways, and the leap brought him straight in a knee to the stomach and the crack of the pipe to the back of his head, painful enough it made him flinch. He pushed forward, hands flat to the concrete as he sprung through the motion and straightened on the other side, turning instantly and holding his sword to block.

Dad was rocked back with his weight on one foot, and as soon as Bro faced him, he had ejected a can of shaving cream in one hand and a lighter into the other, shaking the can with a casual nonchalance.

Bro didn't stop to think, sweeping into a flashstep towards him as Dad swiftly drew a line of white foam between them, ducking to hold the lighter to it as he scraped the flame to life. Bro's foot was practically there, his sword handle practically down to the man's head, but with a loud booming crack the foam by his feet was exploding with flame and he had to pull out of the motion to leap back, stumbling enough that when he managed to look up Dad had surged forward, through the flame, and a fist was smashed into his face.

Bro's ears rang but he held it, he had to hold it, grabbing Dad's wrist and spinning so he pulled the man over his shoulder and sent him crashing to the concrete. Quickly, he raised his sword, and Dad looked up at him, and Bro-

-just-

-stopped.

John would never forgive him if he hurt this man.

The thought distracted him for barely a second before Dad was pulling his legs in and rocking back on his shoulders to spring forward and kick Bro hard in his abdomen _again_ , leaving him grunting and shifting back as the man straightened and whipped off his tie with lightening speed. Sword down, Bro went to knock him with his shoulder, but Dad braced and swung into him, knocking him sideways and flipping the tie around his throat as he smacked a knee into Bro's back and forced his weight against the choking fabric.

It lasted a moment before Bro brought his sword up and sliced though the tie, striding forward in relief as the bastard made a muttered complaint about that having been one of his favourites.

Oh, this was _on_ , now.

Bro spread his feet and flipped his sword so it rested down his arm, deftly swapping his specibus as he equipped Cal into his other hand. If this fucker wanted unconventional, he could _have it._

Dad had barely blinked before Bro flashed at his quickest, knowing it made him unstable on his feet but needing the speed right now. He smacked Cal in the man's face, tangling him in his limbs, striking him with a flurry of blows, and he actually seemed to have caught him off guard, even getting the first sound of real annoyance Dad had made when Cal punched the somehow miraculously still straight hat right off his stupid shaven head.

Bro had the advantage again. He waited until they were well and truly struggling and then came to a skidding halt that ended directly behind him, flipping specibus and forcing his sword across his throat. Dad stiffened, breath calming, and Bro captchalogued Cal before the lil man could get hurt, still not trusting the apparently frozen figure beneath his blade.

His worry was vindicated a second later when he felt metal close around his wrist and heard two quick clicks, and then Dad was pulling his own arm out wide and the handcuffs now linking their arms dragged his with it, the sharp shock sending his sword flying to embed itself in the side of the air con vent with a metallic boom. At least it hadn't flown off the edge of the fucking building! Bro tried to use the cuffs to drag Dad into a spin but the man shook his wrists and the damned things flew open, leaving him free to dart forward as Bro tried desperately to replicate the motion and free himself from the dangling metal, succeeding after wasting far too many precious seconds doing so.

Bro rushed for his sword but Dad got there first, leaping back down at him with a grace his appearance did not suggest he was event capable of. The force sent him sprawling, Dad over him, and he grabbed the wrist holding his sword in one hand and the man's shoulder with his other, trying to force him back as he struggled to wrest back control of his blade.

They rolled, the sword shifted, and Bro felt metal skim his throat, quickly pulling his head back and forcing the sword away before he fell forward and drove through with the momentum to headbutt Dad hard on the nose.

Dad's grip loosened, and triumphantly Bro seized his sword, twisting a hand into Dad's collar and dragging the man up as he laid the tip of the sword to his jugular. There was no out now, he'd fucking won, the asshole had to give and then-

He heard the door slam open and looked up sharply at where John was standing in the entrance, panting and flustered and with eyes wide as he looked between them in a panic. His upset blue eye found Bro's through the shades, setting fire racing through his chest, and his sword slipped away from Dad, a little, because no. He couldn't hurt him in front of John. He'd already done more than enough to the kid, he didn't need to add nearly killing his fucking father to the list.

He lowered his sword and looked down to tell Dad to end it. What he got was a razor across his nose.

Bro let go and jolted back with a hiss, free hand covering the bloody slice, and Dad took the motion and ran with it, following Bro and leaping over him before he could react. He slammed his head and shoulders back into the floor with a hand to his throat, both knees pinning his forearms to the ground, and the sharp razor dangerously close to his unmarked cheek.

Bro stared at him as John gave a panicked cry, but there was nothing but malice in the deep blue daring him to move. The Strider gritted his teeth and braced against his weight, before letting the tension go and the sword fall to the floor from his loose hand. John was running over, pleading for his Dad to stop. This all just had to end before the kid got hurt, physically or worse.

"Okay." Bro said softly, swallowing his pride as John appeared over Dad's shoulder, worry written all over his face. "I fucking give."

Dad nodded curtly, and Bro relaxed, just in time for the hand holding the razor to drop it, grab his hair, and smash his head backwards into the concrete, leaving him tumbling into the blissful unconsciousness it brought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NICE AGGRESS!
> 
> Dadbert has levelled up to the rank of Badass McSugardaddy. He is raking in the boondollars as we speak.
> 
> Edit: That's it for today! But tune back in tomorrow ;)


	74. ==> John: Get Angry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He said he wanted the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyan you're a beautiful Beta ok.
> 
> Feels lie ahead, guys. So many feels. We're almost out of this rut of angst. Almost.

"DAD!"

John grabbed his shoulder and pulled his arm back as Bro went limp against the floor, cold fear and hot anger both rushing through him in a mix that left him shaking. They had been fighting and that felt bad enough but Bro had _given up_ and Dad had still done that to him! When his father didn't move, John grabbed him with both hands and dragged him back with the strength his hammer training had given him, falling to his knees and quickly checking Bro was still breathing, and that his head was okay, and then turning and glaring at his panting father as furious tears welled up in his eyes.

"John-"

"SHUT UP! He'd _given up!_ He'd dropped his sword and given up and you _still hit him!_ "

"John, this man-"

"-Is one of my best friends!" He replied angrily, "He's one of the only people who actually _cares_ about me!"

"John-"

That was Dad trying to use his stern voice, and no. _Nope_. Not today. He was so done with this!

"If it weren't for him I'd still be stuck at home! He's the one who convinced Mom to talk to you! He's the reason she wanted us to come for Christmas! If it weren't for him I'd still be trapped in a house without Jade and without having ever met my friends!"

Dad's stern look had faded to one of honest surprise. John couldn't tell if it was because of what he was saying or the fact he was actually _shouting_ it, unsure if he'd ever raised his voice to his father in his life. He didn't care right now, because this was more important. He didn't care about tone or hiding or lying. He cared about the fact that Dad and Bro were hurt because they were stupid and because of _him_ , because he'd lied and faltered and just couldn't tell the _truth_.

"He kissed me under mistletoe because _I freaked out_ and he tried to say no and _I didn't let him!_ Then _he_ didn't try anything, _I_ chased him because I wanted to because it meant something to _me_ even though he _told_ me it didn't mean anything to him! Ugh, the whole stupid strife with Dave was because Dave saw him say _no_ and saw me get _upset_ and rushed to my defence without actually asking if I wanted him to, just like you did! Why does everyone think I need their help? _I'm fine!_ "

"John-"

"I kissed him! I'm the one who kept kissing him! By the time he actually did anything back _I'd already crossed the stupid line_ , not him! He kissed me at New Year but he _was telling me he was too old for me!_ Telling me we couldn't do anything!" The tears in his eyes welled over, angry and hot on his cheeks. "I tried to forget it! I really tried! I started dating Karkat because I actually _like_ him but it's not the same, it's nothing like this, and I can't change that! The night I told you I spoke to him, and even when I finally got him to say we were a... a _thing_ , whatever that thing was, he told me it just couldn't work! Every time we did anything, he told me it had to stop! Dad, _it was me who kept it going._ "

His father didn't bother trying to interrupt, and John quickly scrubbed his cheeks dry on his arms, taking a few quick breaths to calm his shaky voice.

"You _hurt him._ When we arrived you cut his cheek and threatened him or something and I wanted to _thank you_ in the end because it made him realise he actually wanted to... to be with me! He'd kept backing off before but you made him realise he didn't want to back off so yes, last night I slept in his room! Yes, last night I shared a shower with him! There were moments I felt uncomfortable but I trust him! I care about him! And I know if he did anything to hurt me he'd never, ever forgive himself!"

John covered his face, knowing he'd been nervous and afraid, but remembering the way Bro had held him and mumbled sorry into his hair when he thought he was asleep. Remembered the look that flickered over his face when John said he'd had a good night. He _knew_ he felt guilty and he _knew_ he wouldn't force anything again, because he _knew Bro._

"Dad I know how old he is, okay? I know it's not something I can do. I'm not as stupid as you think I am. I've had you tell me it's wrong and Dave tell me it's wrong and I don't _need you to_ because I knew that too! I tried to get over it! I have a great boyfriend, I do, but... but he isn't Bro and he never will be and I feel terrible because I _want_ to care about him as much as I should do but I _can't_. I already know what I want, and what I want is too old for me and lives miles and miles away from me, and God, I just wanted _one stupid week_ with him and I couldn't even have that!"

He sniffed, hands dropping to the floor, swallowing a sob. "...Just please, please, don't hurt him anymore. If you want to be angry at someone, be angry at _me._ "

"Son..." Dad shifted forward, and John tensed as he felt a hand on his shoulder, before it squeezed softly and he let out a little whimper, shuffling into his father's arms. "...I'm sorry, that I have upset you. That was never my intention." John felt him look down at Bro before he gave a weary sigh. "I let my anger get the better of me, and I should not have done. You have to understand, I cannot agree with any of this, I cannot condone it. From my perspective, this man was using you, possibly hurting you, and I could never let that stand. That is what led me to this. Now that you have explained... I will try not to hurt him again."

"Promise?" John asked, looking up, knowing his father never broke an oath he made. Dad frowned down at him.

"No." He replied firmly, "John, you have been truthful with me, and I am proud of you for doing so. In return, I will not lie to you. I cannot promise not to harm him. I will try my hardest not to, but should I think he has ever done _anything_ to you that has harmed you or upset you, I know I would feel as angry then as I do now, and I know I would wish to bring him the same harm I did today. For that reason, I will not make a promise I do not know I can keep."

John nodded, silently, because at least that was better than nothing. His father raised a hand, massaging his shut eyes, forehead creasing in thought.

"John, listen to me. You are a boy of only nearly fifteen. Regardless of the age of your partner, you are too young to do a lot of things, both in my opinion as a parent and in the eyes of the law. I do not want you getting hurt and if you... if you really do care about him, I doubt you wish him to suffer. If I had called the police he could have been charged for what he has done with you."

"Why didn't you?"

"I was convinced not to, but believe me, I considered it. I was persuaded - and it took a lot of work - that until I was entirely sure of the situation it was not worth removing the only guardian David has, especially given their apparently close relationship. There are a lot of things I disagree with, about how he has been raised, but I cannot deny he seems a good young man, and I would not like to see him turn on me if I acted rashly. Family is important - that is why I am willing to do anything for you - and I would not tear another family apart unless I was completely sure it was in David's best interests."

"Well... thank you." John mumbled, and his father gave a drawn smile, then slumped slightly, rubbing his chin.

"John, if you reach the age of consent, I will be unable to stop you. I am aware of this. Anything I do now, should you really wish to pursue this, would only be a temporary measure that lasted until I no longer had a say in the matter at all. I need you to promise me you will not do anything stupid, that you will be honest with me from now on, and that if he _ever_ does anything to you you are uncomfortable with, you will say _no_ , and _tell me_."

"I promise." He even raised his hands, to show nothing was crossed. He _meant_ this.

"You have several years to be sure this is what you want, within which I expect you to at the least act within the law. This is not simply my choice, son. There are legal ramifications if you cross those lines, and I do not want to see you get hurt or get in terrible trouble because of it. Do you understand?"

John nodded, mutely, pulling his hands in to fiddle with the bottom of his shirt.

"And you have to promise me, if this is what you are _sure_ you wish to pursue, that you will not allow anyone else to become convinced you are interested in them. I _would_ like you to see others, to make sure you have enough world experience that when you come to that age you are sure of the path you walk. I know that may sound ridiculous given the sheltered life I have caused you to live, but it is a sincere wish. At the same time, if you are constantly thinking of someone else, I think it is cruel to lie to him you are not."

The final him confirmed it, and John shifted uneasily, avoiding Dad's gaze. He didn't want to do that, but Dad was right, it was cruel to keep going. He'd tried his best, and he had loved every moment, but he'd never felt the same and he just...

He hoped they could still be friends.

"I promise." He repeated, hands up once more. Dad nodded curtly, letting go of him and sitting back, eyes sweeping over Bro.

"John, go and get me any first aid that the Striders keep in their house. I believe of all of the people downstairs, Dirk may be the most useful in helping me get him downstairs, as I would assume he is stronger than an average man, given his... unique nature."

"Um, okay! I'll go do that." He hopped up, but paused. "So... if I still want this, when I'm sixteen-"

"-seventeen, we are in Texas-"

"-seventeen-"

"-let us say eighteen, when you will be a legal adult-"

"-ugh, fine, _eighteen_! If I still want this when I 'm _eighteen_ , you won't mind?"

"I will mind, John, but I will no longer have a say in the matter. It will be your choice, and I would hope your common sense will guide you to the best choice. If that is him, in time I may accept it. If it is not, hopefully by then you will know that."

John frowned, but it was something, at least, so he nodded. Three years. That wasn't too long!

"Now please, would be you be so kind as to fetch me the medical supplies from the apartment below?"

This time he actually jogged quickly to the door, rushing down the metal stairs so fast they clanged beneath his feet. He turned to head down the next flight, to the apartment, but was stopped with a hard bump and a coolkid in his way, Dave panting, and looking frantic around the black holes covering his eyes. Their voices both rushed out at once.

"Dave! I need Dirk to help Bro-"

"Egbert, I need Bro to fix Dirk-"

They both cut off. John stared at him, and Dave groaned, covering his face.

"Well, _shit_."

"What do you mean _to fix Dirk_? What happened to him? _Dave_!"

Dave swore again, and didn't bother explaining, turning and sprinting back downstairs with John running along in his wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh noooooo!!!!


	75. ==> Dirk: Investigate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minutes in the past but not many, a phone buzzes with recent texts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bluh. This chapter was _bluh_ to write. There is my only comment.

John's father had received messages informing him of the notes.

It took half a second for him to connect to the phone and retrieve the messages, recognising the syntax before he even checked the number.

When they left to strife, he held John as long as he could, before the boy struggled too much and anger flickered through his circuits. Not at John, but at the one who had brought this to pass. He abruptly released him, the boy sprinting for the corridor as Dirk quietly walked to Dave's door and ripped it off its hinges.

"Dave."

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He watched as Dave scrambled up from the bed, where the girl who had not liked him was rolling down her top with a flush on her cheeks and a glare on her face. He did not have time for her, right now. The moment Dave reached him he clamped a hand on his shoulder and fixed him in his burning eyes.

"Why did you send the messages?"

Dave blinked at him, and paled, making his freckles more visible against his skin. "Dirk, I dunno-"

"Do not try lying to me. You provided him with the one method of goading father into a strife that father would never refuse. You knew they would fight. You knew this would happen. Why did you do it?"

"Why didn't you stop it?" Dave replied evenly, and Dirk's grip tightened.

"He would never forgive me if I interfered, and you _know_ that. You know I either let him face this alone or I suffer his eternal distrust and anger." Even as he spoke, his mind was racing with alternatives, running all the numbers he could. The probabilities had turned on him. His circuits were alight with the need to defy them. " _Why did you do it?_ "

"Because he needs to be put in his fucking place and I can't do it and you fucking won't!" Dave snapped, pushing Dirk back and rubbing his freed shoulder. "Dirk, John's fucking _younger than me._ That is _not_ okay, Christ!"

"You could have spoken to me."

"Like you would have done anything? Fuck that, Dirk, you don't give a shit! You knew this was happening and you didn't care! At least Jake actually-"

"What does Jake have to do with this?" He asked sharply, forcing his calculations to the back of his mind. Dave's mouth froze, his shoulders tensed. " _What does Jake have to do with this?_ "

"He-" Dave swallowed. "Look, when he broke up with Bro he gave me his handle, okay, 'cause he knows Bro can be... _heavy_ at times, and like fuck do I have another adult near by. Said with Bec he could be here in a flash so if I needed anything, tell him. I got sick of this John shit, so I figured, hey! Maybe Jake can talk sense into Bro! But guess what? Jake already knew too, and unlike us fuckups he'd actually _done_ something."

His connection to the phone now on the roof above him sparked, records of green-black conversations flashing through his mind. His eyes began to flicker with disbelief and rage.

"John's Dad asked him to find out if it was true _so he did,_ and he _told_ him, and fuck knows someone needed to!"

Jake had never mentioned this. Never asked for aid or opinion. He had hidden these logs whenever Dirk had been allowed access to his mobile and Dirk felt like he had gone behind his back. Now his father was suffering because a man he _trusted_ \- a man _Dirk_ trusted more than anyone else - had thrown him to the lions.

His hands creaked as he tightened his fists.

"So when I messaged him he gave me Dadbert's number and told me to do what I thought was best so I _fucking did._ Bro deserves every fucking thing he's getting, alright?"

"No." Dirk replied, voice rough with wailing electronic noise. "No it is not _alright_."

Dave had been his first friend in this form and yet the boy had not trusted him enough to share his concerns in his time of need. He had chosen to avoid saying a word to him, to place him in a position where he could not prevent anything, and had placed his father in a position where the numbers screamed he would inevitably suffer horribly.

Jake was the most important thing in his life. He trusted Jake with _everything_ , but Jake had hidden this from him, never once shared nor asked for aid, had still come to his house with a smile and a laugh while behind his back he was setting father up for a fall that could leave him shattered.

His hands creaked. His wrists sparked.

The probabilities told him his father would lose. That he would be beaten and broken and left in pain like nothing Dave was capable of putting him through. The man he had come from, who had given him life - whose only crime had been his choice of partner - would be left battered for it at the hands of two men Dirk had _trusted_.

He had been harsh on Bro, to get his form, to upset him and force him away. His heart of rock was aching as he thought of it, with upset and anger and the want to just _hurt someone-_

His fist flashed for Dave and locked up, an inch from the coolkid's face, as Dave swore and leapt back. Dirk struggled, pushed his hand harder but without managing to move it an inch, until a scan found the locks in place preventing him from harming Dave and he limply dropped his hand. Bro had taken care to make sure Dave _wasn't_ hurt. With the brothers, it was different, with their strifes that both fought to win. That was a tradition and they would both hold short of a killing blow. Yet with Dirk, knowing he may not hold back, Bro had made sure he _had_ to. Bro had kept his brother safe.

In return, Dave had handed him to a wildcard. Even Dirk wasn't sure how far the man would go.

He felt fury and sadness and betrayal and guilt, in one mess that spilled out through his circuits and swamped his clinical thoughts with humanity and heat and life.

They had kept this from him.

They had hurt his father.

He could not help him.

He could not hurt them.

Dirk felt powerless and empty, a painful need in his chest that begged for tears he didn't have to cry. His hands clung to his head as the emotions began to rage, and he felt his circuits light up, bright with them, burning like stars until they caught alight and began to fall apart.

He was not built to deal with this.

He could not deal with this.

They had never trusted him.

He was powerless.

For the briefest of seconds, warmth raced through his core, and he felt completely and utterly _alive_.

Then his eyes flashed out, he fell to his knees, and in a desperate plea for self-preservation he had shut down before Dave caught him on his way to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DIRK BBY NO
> 
> He can't deal with all these feels, they broke his poor mind.
> 
>  
> 
> More later in the day, I need me my sleep. Expect this situation to be wrapped up in the next burst!


	76. ==> John: Be The Friendleader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody needs to get something done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No sad for you tonight, no sad.
> 
> The sad is gone for now.

"-And then he just fucking shut down I don't even know he just _died_ like a fucking switch in his head got flipped and faster than a fucking flashstep he was down and out and-"

"Dave!" John tried to interrupt again, as the coolkid's rambling grew more frantic. This time he actually succeeded, and Dave stopped pacing, rubbing his hands together nervously as he looked down at the prone machine they had shifted to lie on his bed. "Dave, calm down. Freaking out isn't helping."

"Who died and left you in charge?"

John glared at him, then turned his gaze to Dirk, the shutters on his eyes now closed and making him almost look like he was sleeping, which was an improvement from him having dead, dark eyes that stared soullessly at nothing. Needing something to occupy him, John looked him over for visible damage again, still trying to figure out what the hell to actually _do_.

Dave was pretty useless in his current mood. He hadn't told John everything, but he'd told him that things were said that upset Dirk a lot before he abruptly came down with 'a case of the vapours', and it was clear he was feeling guilty and panicking about what he'd done. When they'd first run back in, Jade had followed them to the room and seen Dirk and then had to be _dragged_ out by Terezi and Nepeta, so Dave's friends were now camping around the futon and keeping her there. None of this was actually really _fixing_ anything; in fact so far all that had happened was everyone had become even _less_ useful! John frowned, groaning internally as he realised he _was_ suddenly the only one who was going to take charge.

He sighed, and thought, and finally looked over at Dave fretting.

"Dave, whatever first aid you have, take it up to my Dad on the roof."

"But Dirk-"

"-Needs Bro to fix him, so Bro is more important right now. Go take it up, and on your way past the lounge, you need to either send everyone home or move them because if we have to bring Bro downstairs the futon is a lot closer than his bedroom. Clear it and set it up."

"What about Jade?"

"Tell her Dad will need her help moving Bro, and make sure she knows Bro can fix Dirk."

"So what the fuck are _you_ going to be doing?"

"Moving Dirk to Bro's room, because that's where all of his tools are, and your room is a mess, dude. Once Jade is done with Bro she can come and help me."

Wow. That actually came out like a coherent plan. He was kind of proud.

"Okay." Dave left with a jitter in his step, but at least he was moving and doing something useful! That was a start. Now, John just had to move Dirk down the corridor, that couldn't be too hard!

Oh who was he kidding? Dirk weighed a ton! It had been enough of a struggle getting him on the bed, and he'd had Dave to help! Still, he'd said he'd move Dirk and right now, the way Dave kept moving, he was worried if he'd left it to the blonde Dirk would have been dropped on the floor in panic every few seconds. John just needed to think this through. He was sure he could get him where he needed to be.

In the end he grabbed Dave's cover and dragged it off the bed with Dirk on top of it, doing his best to steady the robot into a slide rather than just letting him thud to the floor. He managed, just, joints aching with the strain of doing so, but at least Dirk was off Dave's bed and that was something!

Goodbyes were called down the corridor and he shouted back as cheerfully as he could manage, with a mind worrying about Bro and Dirk and trying to weigh up how badly punching Dave in the face would go. He couldn't have been gone ten minutes and somehow the idiot had rambled Dirk into shutting down! It didn't surprise him his voice sounded strained.

What _did_ surprise him was the cane tapping his back as he braced to start pulling the machine along the floor.

"Hey, Mister Blueberry. Do you want a hand or were you just going to struggle all by yourself?"

"Um. Hi Terezi! Help might be good, yeah." He flashed her a weak smile over his shoulder, and she grinned dangerously back, moving up beside him and wiggling her hips as she dipped to grab the corner of the cover he offered her.

"Where are we taking him?"

"Bro's room. That one over there. Um. You're okay with him being a _him_ , then?"

"I put his case to the courts!" She explained excitedly, starting to help John tug the robot along, his muscles screaming less now he had help. "The defence argued for his humanity as the prosecution disputed it. The battle was intense. Words flew like arrows, striking deep! Evidence was examined critically on both sides, with shocking twists and intriguing discoveries at every turn! Unfortunately, the only witness was a stupid coolkid spoilsport, but his testimony was very revealing!"

"And what _did_ it reveal?" They were getting there, slowly. Her talking was helping distract him from the ache in his arms, so he focused on her as much as he could, gritting his teeth as he did so.

"That there is a strong case for the defendant's humanity. He seems to be capable of emotions - now witnessed first-hand by the prosecution - seems to have a human personality, and was vouched for personally by the prosecution's cherry boy-toy."

"When he wakes up I'm sure he'd be really happy to know that."

"I will shake an olive branch his way, by order of the court."

John paused long enough to open Bro's door, and they continued their task in silence, focusing on getting Dirk beside the bed. As he was lined up, Terezi moved to the other end, and they both shifted to get ready, sharing a look.

"Three... two..."

John grunted as they lifted, his arms shaking. What the heck was Dirk made from? He felt like he was trying to lift a car! Terezi cackled as they had to let him slump back to the floor.

"Well that worked! Any other plans?"

"Wait for Jade, I guess! She could do it."

Terezi nodded, rubbing her arms and stretching as they let go. She gave John a look, then unhooked her cane from where she'd had it hanging on her belt, tapping it thoughtfully against the floor.

"Dave will get over it, John." She told him, voice much softer than it had been. He flushed, not needing an explanation, knowing just from the way she said it what she meant. "He's just got to take some time to think things through."

"You really think that?"

"Yes. I know him. He's like that."

John nodded, feeling better for it, and Terezi's smile returned. "I'm going to go wait for my coolkid. You want me to send Miss Lime in when she gets back?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Terezi!"

"You're lucky he speaks so highly of you." She responded, cane jabbing his stomach, and John watched her hop out before he looked down at Dirk.

The robot still looked peaceful in his rest. Alone and with nothing left to do, John finally began to wonder what in the world Dave could have said that could possibly do so much harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jade clearly then just lifts Dirk up like he's made of feathers.
> 
> That's when John learns why you don't mess with Jade 'built like an Amazon' Harley.


	77. ==> Bro: Come To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's not used to waking up in pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BroJohn! Without too much angst!
> 
> ...sort of?

Holy fuck, he hurt all over.

Even after the strife at Christmas he hadn't felt this bad. In the first moments he grew fully conscious, he left his eyes shut, groaning softly, pain flaring over every inch of his skin in a dull ache that had clearly already been lessened. The tightness of bandages and the cold of an ice pack on his stomach entered his mind next, and then at last he felt a soft squeeze and became aware of the hand gripping his loose fingers.

Bro squeezed back, opening one eye, and John grinned at him in relief.

"Hey!"

"'Sup, kid." Bro smiled back, stretching his cut cheek a little but finding the pain was lost in the greater flood of discomfort currently filling him. "You okay?"

"I'm better than you are right now." John's eyes moved up and down him, and Bro craned his neck (oh God his fucking head) to look down his bare chest to the colourful bruises spreading over his stomach. "Dad fixed you up but..."

"He fixed me up after beating the shit out of me."

"He still fixed you up." John squeezed his hand again, shifting from where he had been knelt beside the futon so that he was sat up on the edge instead. "I, um. I spoke to him. I told him the truth, this time, and he took it way better than he took me lying. I mean, he's told me he doesn't agree with this and that's fine and I know he probably never would, but he said if I'm still sure when I'm older then it's not like he can do anything. He just said be careful and make sure you... you never do anything to me I don't want you to."

"John," He murmured, the hesitation stinging a little as guilt reared in his mind. "Last night-"

"-I was nervous. Like. _Really_ nervous. I probably would have said no. I don't regret it but... next time please don't push me. I don't want that."

"Next time?"

John blushed and shrugged, swinging his legs up onto the futon and gingerly lying curled up to Bro's side, one hand holding Bro's and the other resting on the older man's chest. For the first time it entered Bro's mind to actually look around, and he felt the sharp bite of anxiety fade as he looked slowly around the empty room, sighing contentedly as he allowed his attention to focus back on John.

"So what happened when I got knocked out?"

"I shouted at Dad. We made up, I think. Then Dave came looking for you because Dirk had shut down and I had to come down and tell everyone what to do, which was weird! And they all _listened_ , which was even weirder! Tavros and Nepeta went home but Terezi stayed to calm down Dave. Dad is sitting with Jade and Dirk, and he said maybe I should sit out here with you."

"Dirk shut down?"

"Dave said he got really upset and just... stopped?"

"Emotional overload. I was worried it would happen, given how rapidly he's been progressing." Bro frowned, shrugging his shoulders and realising even they hurt. "I can probably upgrade that area of his mind without disturbing too much else while he's offline. Boot him back up once it's fixed. He should be fine, even if when he wakes up he'll be a fuckload more emotive."

"That's great! Dave was worried he'd, um, killed him."

"He has safety switches in place to stop shit like that happening. Only person who can kill him with words is me, not that I ever would. Given Dave's fucking motor mouth I wouldn't trust him anywhere near Dirk if I hadn't already accounted for the stupid shit he comes up with."

"Oh! Well, that's good to know! You might want to tell Dave that."

"Eh, I'll get around to it."

Bro shifted his arm so it was around John's shoulder, their hands still linked. The boy was playing with his fingers, and it was soothing, Bro's eyes shutting again as he relaxed and just enjoyed the warmth pressed gently to his side.

"I'm going to break up with Karkat." John mumbled, squeezing his fingers tightly. "Dad said it's not fair to date him if I'm more interested in you. I... guess I'm hoping if I break up with him now and I tell him the truth, we can still be friends, because Karkat is really great and I like him, a _lot_. I don't want to hurt him. I think the right thing to do is just to be honest."

Bro rubbed his thumb over John's hand, nodding down at where blue eyes were seeking approval. "Yeah. Good luck. I hope he takes it well."

"How did it go when you broke up with English?"

"Oh. He shoved a gun under my chin and threatened me until suddenly we were chill again and then I sent him to talk to Dirk."

"Oh my God! Karkat won't threaten me, will he?"

"Unless he's got the same sorta weird repressed anger shit going on as Jake has? Probably not."

John relaxed, pulling his hand up to nervously kiss his fingers, soft lips trailing over his knuckles.

"I'm glad you're okay." The kid said softly, nuzzling closer to his side. Bro smiled warmly, hugging him gently as he enjoyed the contact, and the comfort of fingers entwined with his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (They totally fall asleep like that.)
> 
> Again, only two tonight! Things have been slightly busier the last few days but they'll be easing off Friday so back to 3-a-day then :)


	78. ==> John: Do What You Have To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He needs to fix things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be a positive chapter.
> 
> :I

When John woke up he was still curled up close to Bro, and smiled up at the Strider's sleeping face. It was nice, waking up with him. He was warm and it was comfortable, lying tangled up like this. They should totally do it more often.

At least, as much as they could in a week. John's smile faded to a sigh. He really wished he didn't live so far away, especially now that it felt like things were finally working out! He knew he hadn't had to wait long, but when was the next time he'd visit? Christmas again? That was ages away! Maybe he should just try to hide and stay here. Dad wouldn't notice him vanishing before they went home!

...Yeah. Right.

John grumbled quietly to himself and managed to escape Bro's grip without waking him up, sitting on the edge of the futon and frowning at nothing. So far today he'd actually done a lot, when he thought about it. He might have screwed up a bit at first, but then he'd talked things through with Dad, made a decision about Karkat, and he'd told Bro about not wanting to be forced. That was all important stuff! Maybe he was on a roll, and if he was, he needed to keep it going as long as he could.

He stood, stretching and yawning, before he turned with a smile and headed down the corridor, knocking on the door of Dave's room and wondering if Terezi had gone home yet.

She answered the door and his question in one go.

"Hey Mister Blueberry!"

"Hi Terezi! Um. I wanted to talk to Dave."

"Oh! Sure!"

The girl bounded out of his way and John walked in, then stopped, and covered his face, hearing her cackle and shut the door as she lingered behind him.

He lowered his hands again and waved them at where Dave was in his briefs and nothing else, hands tied up to the head of his bed and black lipstick smears all over his face and neck.

"'Sup." The coolkid said placidly.

"Um." John blinked rapidly. "I... I don't want to know, do I?"

"Nope."

" _Okay then_! I wanted to talk to you about stuff! And I sort of thought you'd have more clothes on when I did."

"Well it ain't like I'm able to abscond so make the fucking most of it and admire this fucking hotness while you're at it."

John was really trying to focus on his face, especially when Terezi skipped past him and hopped to sit on - no, to _straddle_ him. Wow. Wow this was the most horribly awkward thing ever.

"Um. It's about... things. That you said. Earlier."

"Oh." Dave casually shifted his arms so his head could rest more comfortably, cheeks flushing slightly. Not from the whole, being _mostly naked_ , nope! Just from the idea of _talking_. John knew his own face was brilliant red and Terezi kept snickering and that was _really_ helping! "I didn't think there was anything else to fucking add to that train-wreck of a conversation."

"It wasn't a train-wreck and it wasn't a conversation. It was you telling me a lot of things that I probably needed to hear."

"John, that fucking disaster was terrible. It exploded into fucking flames and crashed into a canyon, blowing up every stupid feeling onboard twenty times over. _In slow motion._ There were words just spilling everywhere and they were so horrific they caused a national fucking day of mourning because that crash is the worst crash these lips have ever had trip out of them, and I mean, that's fucking saying something."

"Dave. That was a bad metaphor, even for you."

"I'm distracted, give me a fucking break here."

"Distrac-" John stopped as Terezi grinned at him. "Oh. _Oh._ Nope! No, not thinking about any of that! Back to what I actually wanted to say, please!"

Dave rolled his eyes. "Like I said. Knock yourself out."

"You're right." John launched right in, aiming it all at Dave because he had a feeling Terezi wasn't going to move for anything, although as soon as he really started to talk her smile faded to a more cautious expression. "I'm not going to like you like that, ever, okay? I don't think I could. You're my best friend and I really do care about you - like, a _lot_ \- but it's as my best bro and I think it always will be. I'm sorry Dave, because I feel like I've been a dick to you without realising and I know I've hurt you and that sucks! But I really don't want it to ruin our friendship, because our friendship is the _best_. I think I even love you, but in a friend way? Like whatever Rose said? Friend-love! I'm making it a thing now. Um. I'm sorry that I like Bro but I can't change that I like him and God, I'm really not doing it to spite you. I don't want to hurt you ever again. Besides, Terezi is awesome, and I think even if I was interested you're way better off with her. The way she calmed you down earlier? I don't even think I could do that so well, and I've known you way longer. Uh. So. Yeah, what I'm trying to say is you're great, and I don't want to mess up and lose you, and please don't be upset about me not liking you like that any more?"

"Wow." Dave drawled, after a long silence. "I thought _my_ shit was a train-wreck."

"Shut up! That was hard to say!"

"Basically you're telling me to man up and get back onboard the broship train, because even though you're a total fuckup who's obsessed with my brother, I still make your kokoro go broki broki."

"Oh my God, Dave. What even was that?"

"You're not denying it."

John snorted, but his face finally relaxed into a smile. "Yes, Dave, I am declaring my undying bro-love for you. I think we should start an epic bromance together. I think that would be great."

"Oh my God, Rez, look at me blushing like a schoolgirl. Senpai noticed me! My heart's doing a fucking tap-dance, I think it's trying to audition for a starring role on the stage, and damn is it doing a fine job right there."

"Hey, Blueberry! If you and Dave are friend-boyfriends you should totally come join in! There's plenty of room."

And there was the awkwardness again, but a million times worse! John spluttered. "Nope! No, I am _totally_ fine without joining in with whatever the hell you were doing."

"Are you sure? Dave's a great kisser!"

"Oh trust me, Egbert knows."

Heat rushed over his face as Terezi cackled and Dave gave him a smirk, and wow, nope. He did _not_ want to be here. This was the worst thing ever.

"I have stuff to do! Important stuff! I should go now! I'm glad we talked!"

"Aww, but _John-_!"

He darted out and shut the door loudly behind him, stomach squirming with embarrassment as he heard them both burst out laughing in his wake.

.:.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 21:23pm --

EB: hi karkat!  
CG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN.  
CG: SO MUCH FOR EVERY SHITTING DAY.  
EB: i only missed one day! and a lot's been happening!  
EB: i'm sorry :(  
CG: IT'S OKAY.  
CG: I JUST MISS YOU, ASSHOLE.  
EB: karkat  
EB: um

> we really need to talk |

John sighed and backspaced the message, shifting uncomfortably before he started typing again. He couldn't do it by chat! But at the same time, he couldn't just lead Karkat on and then dump him when he got back, could he? Wow. This sucked so hard.

EB: never mind!  
EB: how have you been?  
CG: AS FINE AS I EVER CAN BE IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE I GUESS.  
CG: DAD HAD HIS COCKSUCKING FRIENDS HERE FOR POKER LAST NIGHT SO I HAD A HOUSE FULL OF FUCKING IDIOTS AND DROOG.  
EB: droog? what's a droog?  
CG: HE'S THE ONLY ONE OF THEM THAT ISN'T FUCKING INSANE. I CAN ACTUALLY ALMOST STAND HIS FUCKING COMPANY.  
CG: ALMOST.  
CG: HOW ARE THINGS IN WHATEVER SHITHOLE YOU'RE SLOWLY BURNING TO DEATH IN?  
EB: things have been  
EB: interesting?  
EB: i stayed at bro's last night and that was kind of great but awkward? it's hard to explain.  
EB: we watched a movie together and then went to bed.  
EB: and today i got to meet dave's friends, which was great! his girlfriend is called terezi and i think you'd like her.  
EB: she's sort of insane.  
EB: well no she's really insane! but she's cool i guess, now i've spoken to her more.  
EB: then dad showed up :(  
CG: WHY THE FUCK DOES THAT DESERVE A PATHETIC SAD FACE?  
EB: dad really doesn't like bro!  
EB: and  
EB: well he spoke to me about bro and i lied about some stuff?  
EB: but he saw  
EB: something  
EB: and got really, really mad!  
CG: SOMETHING?  
EB: um  
CG: JOHN.  
EB: he saw a really bad hickey on my shoulder from last night, okay?  
EB: i'm sorry  
EB: but it's there and he saw it and next thing i knew him and bro were strifing up on the roof.  
EB: and i mean proper strifing! i think they were going to kill each other :(  
EB: dirk held me back but i got away and ran up there and they were both in rough shape  
EB: but bro stopped when he saw me  
EB: he stopped fighting because of me  
EB: dad didn't and even when bro gave up dad still knocked him out!  
EB: so i got really mad  
EB: i told him pretty much everything  
EB: that bro kept saying no and i kept pushing and i know i'm the one who's been pulling him back  
EB: and i told him about the kisses and about last night and i told him that bro is my friend and i care a lot about him  
EB: and that that isn't going to change  
EB: dad wasn't happy but he gets it now so that's good at least  
EB: and then there was drama and i ended up waiting with bro until he woke up  
EB: i'm glad he's okay  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!  
EB: um, karkat?  
EB: what's wrong?  
CG: JOHN.  
CG: I DON'T THINK  
CG: I MEAN I FUCKING  
CG: I  
CG: ...

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 21:57pm --

...What?

John blinked at the screen, and tried to message Karkat again, but his handle went offline as soon as the first message was sent. An uncomfortable feeling settled in his gut as he looked at his greyed out handle. Had he upset him? Karkat had never just logged out before!

He reread his messages with growing unease. Wow, that was a lot and he really wasn't sure he should've said most of it to Karkat! It was like he'd really upset him and he didn't want to do that! What if he was angry that he'd gone on so much about Bro? John tapped at his name and ignored the messages that he was offline, growing a little more frantic. If Karkat didn't talk to him, he'd have to wait a week to see him and talk face to face! He didn't want that! He needed to know he was okay!

Agitated, John hopped up and paced, phone still clutched tightly in one hand, willing the handle to spring back to life. He didn't like this. He had no idea what Karkat was doing or thinking and it... scared him, a little? He needed Karkat to be okay! And he couldn't check on him and he couldn't hug him and he couldn't do anything but wait for him to come back!

He really wanted Karkat to come back.

He _needed_ Karkat to come back.

The silence was cut through by his phone actually ringing, and he nearly dropped it in surprise, unused to using it for anything but messaging. It took a few fumbles to actually answer it, and when he did he took a quick breath to try and settle his nerves.

"Hello?"

The line was silent, other than faint breathing, the odd quiver of breath that suggested a lack of calm. John swallowed, unsure.

"...Karkat?" He practically whispered, his other hand twisting into his shirt.

"Hey." Karkat replied, voice small and muted. John sagged at the hurt in the single word, in the uneasiness radiating down the line. He trembled and then sat back heavily on the bed, letting go of the fabric and covering his face.

"Karkat, I'm sorry." He began eventually, when the silence became too tense and upsetting. His voice was wavering, rapid and nervous. "I didn't mean to upset you or hurt you, I didn't mean to... I'm so sorry, I swear. For everything."

His voice died again, and he listened with growing worry to the nothingness on the line. The only sign Karkat was still there was a soft, slight sniff that tugged sharply at his heart.

"Please... Say something?"

Karkat took a deep breath, and John braced, shutting his eyes tightly.

"John," It was sad and quiet and it hurt so bad, "We aren't going to work out, are we?"

John's skin crawled and he opened his mouth to respond, choking on a broken sound and swallowing it back down. No. No, no, no! He knew he had wanted this to happen but this felt so wrong! His chest ached and his eyes stung as he took desperate, gulping breaths to keep calm.

"No." He croaked back, rubbing at the pain in his head. "I'm sorry."

"Okay." Karkat's voice was hollow, and John wanted to hug him _so much_ , cursing the distance between them. "John," His words began to grow stronger, certain, still upset and now a little angry, but with more fire behind them, "You have a fucking week. Make it count, idiot. Like fuck am I doing this so you can waste your fucking chance."

"I'll try, I just-"

"-No fucking buts. No excuses. It's the one fucking thing I ask, okay?"

"Okay." John mumbled, taking his glasses off to fiddle with the frames. "Karkat... When I get back, are we still going to be friends?"

"I don't know." His voice was soft again, painfully soft, and John flinched. "I guess I need time to think about it. I have to go."

"...Goodnight, Karkat."

"Goodnight, John."

"I miss you too." John whispered, voice shaking, and there was a pause, before the line went dead and left him listening to the lonely tone.

For a long time, he stared at nothing, phone dropping slowly to rest in his lap. He felt empty, and numb. Even though he'd wanted it...

Karkat just broke up with him, and it _hurt_.

He stood, dropping his phone on the cover, before padding numbly out to the bathroom, where Bro had locked himself after helping move Dirk to his work table. John knocked, and after a pause the door opened, Bro leaning out with a towel around his waist.

"Hey, kid." He relaxed and opened the door fully, John smiling up at him. "You okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I'm-"

The emotion struck him in a wave, his voice cracking as his smile wavered and his eyes burnt with stinging pain. No. No, no, no.

Bro's smile dropped as soon as his shoulders shook, and then John was sobbing, covering his face with both hands as tears streamed down his cheeks and traced hot trails across his skin. It hurt. It hurt so much and he didn't know what to do, because thinking about doing it had been fine, but now that it had happened all it was doing was causing him pain!

Bro stepped forward and big arms tugged John close to his damp chest, a hand stroking his black curls as he clung tightly to the Strider, now crying openly against his skin.

"Hey now, John, it's okay. Shoosh, kid. Whatever it is, it's gonna be alright."

The soft, warm murmurs helped, as did the strong hug that pulled him tight to Bro's comforting heat. John nodded, and let everything pour out in sounds of quiet anguish, clinging to Bro in desperate need.

"Come on, kid. You wanna go curl up in bed?"

John nodded again, and Bro followed him to the bedroom, soothing his tears to a slow halt as they lay together, and for the third time John fell asleep wrapped tightly in those warm, now familiar arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES SO MY HAPPY BROKE.
> 
> Only one tonight but bak to three tomorrow!
> 
> (I'M SO SORRY GUYS I PROMISE YOU THE NEXT ONE WILL BE NOTHING BUT CUTE DIRK OMG)


	79. ==> Dirk: Reactivate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wakes up in pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO HEY LATE START BECAUSE GOBETTI AND KYAN DISTRACTED ME AND ARE WONDERFUL HUMAN BEINGS
> 
> So Dirk!
> 
> Good feels!
> 
> YES.

"...And that's him back on."

His circuits were sparking to life as he became aware enough to feel them, his processes slowly cycling up to full capacity. His body complained at him as his nerves reconnected one by one to his mind, aches and pains drifting up to his consciousness.

He hurt.

Wait. He _hurt_?

Dirk's eyes flew open and he bolted upright, looking down at where he was now sitting on his father's workbench and then turning so his gaze could flick between Bro, Dave, John and Jade, all looking back with varying mixtures of concern, guilt and apprehension.

"I feel pain." Dirk informed Bro, carefully, raising his finger tips and rubbing them over his cheek. His cheek was cold and his fingers were warmer. The sensation sparked up from both sides, and as his mind raced through the implications of that he moved both hands to rub his neck and under his pullover, and to tentatively prod at his waist and legs.

He could _feel_. He could feel all over! It wasn't just his hands it was _everywhere_ , and his skin felt warmer than he expected, soft in places and firm in others, all with a slight metallic grain. It was exhilarating! He could feel the cold wood against the soles of his feet, and wiggled his toes against it, beaming broadly.

Jade giggled at him, and he looked up, smiling and pointing. "It's cold! I can feel it on my toes."

"That's great, Dirk!" She replied sincerely, clasping her hands in excitement. He tried the same motion. He could feel it much more clearly now, the way his fingers squeezed between one another and skin moved on skin. It felt good. He liked feeling like this!

"...How're you doing, kid?" Bro asked him, tapping his shoulder, and Dirk rolled a few words around his mind, seeking out the right descriptors for his current state.

"I am ecstatic, and overcome with positive emotion. I am aware of sensations like this as a dim memory from the time before I was created; to have them present in me now is like greater than anything I expected in my new existence."

"So good?"

"... _Yes_ , father. I am very good."

"Okay. Well, you had an overload, so you're probably gonna take a while to fully readjust. Try not to do anything too stressful."

"What are my upper limits in that regard?"

"Like, try not to walk too far. Or have any more emotional panic attacks."

"Oh. I will endeavour to do my best not to do so." Dirk swung his legs off the edge and hopped up onto them, shaking out his arms and almost giggling at the sensation of the fabric bouncing up and down against his skin. "This is entertaining!"

"...Glad you think so." Bro rolled his eyes. Dirk didn't care. This was wonderful! He was loving every second of it, and this wasn't going to end! He could feel and he could go on feeling and he was so _alive_!

"I have missed feeling like this, truly. I had not realized how dead I felt until now. Scans indicate you have upgraded my nervous system, added some sort of sub-dermal warming device. I can feel you have been at my mind."

"Yeah, fixed it up so you won't fucking melt your brain with emotion again. Might wanna take it easy on the breakdowns, okay?"

"I will attempt to control my emotions better in future."

"No, you won't. You feel however you fucking want. I _fixed_ it, dumbass, you'll be fine now."

"Thank you, father."

"Don't-" Bro deflated as Dirk gave him a bright smile, "...Ugh. Yeah, whatever, kid."

The machine slowly moved forward, smiling at the feeling of the floor dragging against his shuffling feet. Every sensation was incredible! Everything was worth savoring. Every little cool brush of the breeze and warm rush of friction, every time his clothes moved on his skin or his soft hair shifted on his forehead and neck. No matter how small, they were fragments of his growing being, and he treasured each one dearly.

He stopped in front of Dave and looked up at him, noting the height difference between them was finally obvious. He imagined his proportions had been altered when he was unconscious.

"...I am very sorry I threatened you, Dave. I was angry, but I should not have tried to hit you. Please accept my apologies."

"No worries, dude, I mean you had a pretty good reason to be fucking mad at me." Dave shrugged, raising one hand in a broad gesture across the robot. "Besides, that little episode made up Rez's mind. As far as she's concerned, you're human or whatever, inside. All feelings and messy shit. That's good, right?"

She thought he had humanity. Dirk's eyes widened and flared brightly. Dave's girlfriend liked him and thought he was human and maybe she would even be his friend! And Dave was still his friend. His best friend.

With a broad smile he darted forward in a hug, and Dave instantly returned it. The machine tried to notice every single detail of Dave's arms, the pressure around him, and the warmth, and the way it pressed his clothes tighter to his skin. Dave's chest moved as he breathed and the pulse of his strong heart beat through his breastbone, and all of it was intense and amazing and so _real_ now, not felt through empty sensor readings, but through sensitive direct contact.

He snuggled into the cotton of Dave's shirt, glossy and cold where his record symbol was printed, his chest warm against the soft metal of Dirk's cheek. This was good! He liked hugs. They were so close and let him feel so much, and so much of that he'd never felt before!

When it ended, he still felt warm, deep in his uranium heart. He beamed at Dave, clasping his hands back together, and his friend laughed, ruffling his hair.

"We cool, dude?"

"Yes!" Dirk said happily, punching his shoulder lightly as bros were inclined to do. "We're cool, Dave."

Jade swamped in a hug next, and John gave him a cuddle, and he valued every touch and every moment, mind swimming with sensation, and excitement, and joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dirk is the best thing. It is him. Here to save you from the bad feels.
> 
> Two more to come! Woop woop.


	80. ==> John: Keep Your Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He said he'd use the week, and he has to start somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: AO3 ignored all my edits and uploaded one paragraph so sorry about the reupload!
> 
> Sorry there was the gap! It's a long story.

Jade and Dave left with Dirk as he excitedly rambled about finding more things to feel, the smile on his face broad like a child's and just as endearing. John had to admit, he really liked him! He was still enough like Bro and Dave he was a part of their family, but there was an openness in him that they lacked; a general friendliness and honest sense of wonder at the world that John couldn't help but find appealing. He hoped even when they went home that they could stay in touch. It was weird to think the gradually more bubbly young man - now loudly explaining his thrill at feeling running water - had ever been just a pair of glasses! Even after three days, Dirk was _alive_ to him, now, alive and practically human, and John was pretty sure he'd never be able to stop viewing him that way.

For now, though, the robot was occupied. John looked to Bro, watching the Strider neaten his tools into straight and organised positions. He'd left his shades off to work, so his glimmering gold eyes were visible, and as always that set John's heart beating faster. He had perfect eyes, he really did, all soft and amber and full of everything he kept out of his face. John could happily just look at them all day.

He decided to take advantage of Bro finally leaning back in his chair to strum his fingers on the desk. John poked at his shoulder until the man turned enough it was easy to wriggle under his arm and up onto his lap, and sat there, legs over the side of the chair, arms looping lazily around Bro's neck to steady him. It earned him a look and he shrugged, sticking out his tongue before he darted up to press a fleeting kiss to Bro's uncut cheek.

"How're you doing today, kid? You've been pretty quiet." John blushed, shrugging again as Bro raised a hand and threaded it lightly through his hair. "Wanna talk about anything?"

"I'm okay, I guess. Just... last night, Karkat broke up with me before I broke up with him, and it, um. It hurts. Quite a lot. I was trying to do it so I wouldn't hurt him but I didn't think it would feel like this! He wasn't nasty about any of it, he was just... sad. I think that was worse. He said he doesn't know if we can still be friends, but I really do like him! He's so great. I don't want to lose him altogether."

"Give him time and he'll settle down." Bro shifted, an arm snaking around John's waist. "As for how you feel right now, you'll get over it. You always do in the end."

"You must've had a ton of boyfriends."

Bro snorted, holding John in place as he rolled the chair back and forth with his feet. A childish impulse to spin the chair and ride it while giggling manically perked up in John. He resisted it.

"I've had three people I actually dated." The older man began carefully, and it grabbed John's entire attention. He liked when Bro shared things with him about himself, partially because it helped him get to know him more, and partly because from talking to Dave he was pretty sure he was the only one Bro spoke to, about this sort of thing.

"Only three? Really?"

"Well I mean, I've been with a fuckton of people, but I couldn't remember them; probably couldn't have named them the next day."

"Oh... um. Who were the three you actually went out with, then? What were they like?"

"Well you know two of the unlucky fucks. Jake, obviously, given I only just crashed that one into the dirt." Bro paused, rubbing a hand over his rough jaw. "And, uh. Roxy."

_What?_

"You went out with _Mom_?"

"We went to college together, shit happened. Yeah. She was a pretty sweet girlfriend, actually, maybe a bit hard to deal with sometimes with the drinking. Shame it all fell apart how it did."

John didn't ask, but he waited, and Bro sighed.

"When I started out with her, shit was all good. I just started feeling uncomfortable as went on, mainly with the actually adult side of it, so we 'took a break'. Roxy being Roxy and not being able to last a month without sex back then started bringing people home to fuck-" Bro stopped, looking at John as though suddenly remember who he was talking to. "Uh, don't tell her I said that. She wanted company, that's all. One day she turned up with a guy she complained to me was a total asshole but really fucking hot, so she was gonna put up with his attitude for the sake of a good time."

John nodded, still following, interested as he normally was when Bro spoke. Bro didn't have his usual confidence, hand rubbing John's back distractedly. There was a pinkness in his freckled cheeks and his golden eyes were staring away, roughly staring at the hat across the desk to them, a half-smile on his lips.

"So I'd been forewarned and I was meant to be going out to avoid the fucking nightly soundtrack Roxy thoughtfully provided for me. Decided to hang around long enough to see this dick. Tall as I am, broader in the shoulder. Arabic blood. Had a British accent and a ton of curses and insults to punctuate every sentence with. Roxy was right though, holy fuck, he was fucking perfect until he opened his mouth. I took an instant dislike to him, he already hated me for some reason he never did get around to telling me."

"So he was mean?"

"Oh fuck yes, Cal was a total asshole when we met. Insulted my hair and my clothes and my voice. Listed all my apparent flaws. Roxy got so mad at him she fucked off to calm down, because she was still really protective of me and she'd been all over emotional at the time anyway."

"So-"

"After she was gone, he changed. Like he'd been acting up on purpose. He was still a dick, don't get me wrong, but he started talking about me in a fucking weird way and it took me a while to click that he was flirting with me, even if he was fucking inept at it."

"Why would he insult you if he liked you? That's stupid!"

"Yeah well Cal _was_ kinda stupid. That flirting fucking got to me though. I lost my cool and ollied the fuck out of there."

"Why?"

"Because I was convinced I was straight and a guy was hitting on me, no matter how shit his attempts were. I didn't know how to respond to that, and I'd been in enough conservative homes I was not cool with that stuff, not really. It brought back the worst memories of places I'd been stuck." Bro shrugged. "I went and calmed down, had a fucking messed up argument with myself when I realised I thought he was hot. There'd been signs for a while but I'd been ignoring them, but he was the final push and it was enough that over the course of that night I ended up at least questioning what I was into. It was heavy, given how many people had told me how fucked up liking guys was."

"But it isn't fucked up!"

"Yeah but I was a young guy brought up in a less accepting time in a less accepting place. It didn't matter what it was really like, I just knew the shit I'd been told. Anyway, I calmed down with a slightly open mind, which was a start. Got home the next morning and Cal was just leaving, but before he went I did a really stupid thing and asked for his number. We started going out two weeks later. At first it was an experiment for both of us, but under the fucking rage, I ended up really liking the asshole, and pretty fucking sure I was gay. Girls didn't do for me in the same way he did, and other guys did, when I started looking. I told Roxy and she wasn't surprised and she took it quieter than I expected, but she took it well. So me and Cal went out for two years. Longest I've been in a relationship."

"What happened, then?"

"Fuck knows. Asshole vanished one day without a goodbye. Never heard from him again."

"Oh... I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was over a decade ago, I'm over it. Used to wonder what happened to him, but now I guess I just assume he moved on with his life and that was that. People do that sometimes."

"Well, I won't ever just leave you." John mumbled.

Bro blinked out of his memories, and the gold dropped to where John was looking at him with childish insistence. The Strider looked lost, for moment, before a small, warm smile settled on his lips and he stroked John's cheek, leaning in to softly press their mouths together.

"You're a good kid, John."

John hugged him, resting his head on his broad shoulder, closing his eyes as Bro gently stroked his hair.

"I just thought... You're cool, Bro! I can't believe you've been alone."

"People asked. Just... not many people have ever interested me, okay?"

"Only three."

Bro paused in his motions, then tugged him close, kissing the top of his head. He spoke again, but it was so soft John barely heard it, words lost and muffled in his thick black hair.

"Nah, kid. Only four."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOP
> 
>  
> 
> ~~There's so much BG for the fic, it will turn up a lot~~
> 
> **Edit: No more updates tonight BUT there is going to be another 10 chapter marathon tomorrow (today? The 27th! Fucking timezones) so please do join me on the Tumblrs and the comments! The arc will be all wrapped up by the end of the burst! :)**


	81. ==> Bro: Be The Babysitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently his house is a hotel now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/10 SO IT BEGINS
> 
> 10 Chapters for 10k hits :D
> 
> You're all beautiful. I love you. <3
> 
> Gobetti this chapter is for you ;)

He had no idea when the week had turned into an invasion of his home, but apparently the kids were there to stay. John had rung his Dad and asked if he and Jade could spend the rest of the week there, and Dad had taken all of two seconds to announce that he had no problem with that, and could use some time free of the kids to unwind, even if he added a quick lecture to John about being careful and to be assertive when saying no.

That was fine. Jade on futon, John in with him. He could live with that.

Terezi appeared again at eleven, a bag over her shoulder and a shit eating grin on her face. He hadn't even finished calling for Dave when his brother appeared, and explained the logic that he still had space in his room, and Bro had John over, so fair's fair and shit, right?

He would have said no if John and Jade hadn't seemed so fucking excited about the extra company. Reluctantly, Bro agreed, and instantly knew he was going to regret it as Terezi sashayed in with a cackle and a waggle of her dumb eyebrows. They all ended up together in the lounge, having ordered a pizza because Bro could not give enough of a fuck to cook and his stomach was still killing him. All the time they were eating, Terezi was slung across Dave with a hand toying with the collar of his shirt, and yep.

That right there had been a _terrible_ idea.

Jade and Dirk were going through the clothes in her bag so Dirk could rub his face on them in a borderline creepy as fuck way, complete with commentary about which ones he liked best. Soon he was wrapped in a big fuzzy fur scarf, humming to himself and glaring whenever anyone went to take it off him. After a while he was left to it, and then the smile was back, eyes bright with a cheerful glow.

John apparently weighed up Terezi's presence, because he sat on his own for a while before scooting over and prodding at Bro's arm. The moment it was lifted he had hopped up onto the Strider's lap, legs off along the futon and head on his shoulder, smiling contentedly as he kept nibbling at his pizza slice. Bro wouldn't deny that he enjoyed having him there. There was still a good buzz whenever he kissed him or held him or sat with him around other people; a kind of confirmation that this was a thing now, that _they_ were a thing.

His mind wandered as the kids babbled happily at one another. He'd grown comfortable with the idea they _were_ a thing, the last few days. He'd defended that fact with blows and John had defended it with words - they'd even both tried something else and it hadn't worked out, leaving them drifting back towards each other. He wasn't sure if he would call this an actual relationship yet, not with the ages and distances involved, but it was the promise of one. Something that was there, if they waited for it.

Bro still worried about that wait, though. He was old enough to be pretty set in what he wanted, and he knew he'd probably found it. John was still young enough that he could change his mind on a whim, and even though it felt longer, they'd only known each other just over half a year. Hell, for a kid his age this could all still be just a phase!

He hoped it wasn't.

He _really_ hoped it wasn't.

"Bro?"

He snapped back to reality and looked down at John, who was frowning, a hand resting lightly on the arm that had possessively circled his waist. Bro loosened his grip as he realised how tight he'd started squeezing, sighing and turning his gaze back away. John caught his cheek. The boy tilted his head back down, thumb running along the pink slice in his skin.

"Are you okay?" John murmured, clearly actually concerned. "You were holding on really tightly and you had that _look_ on your face. Um, I think Dave called it your brooding face? He said something about you being like a lame Batman."

"I'm fine. Just thinking about shit, don't worry." He smiled, leaning into John's hand, warm and soft against him. "I'd tell you if something was wrong."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

John straightened in his lap to kiss him, a feather-soft touch of lips that was barely there, other than the rush of fire it sent dancing down his chest. It relaxed him. Whatever the future held, it could wait. All that mattered was right here, right now, he had John, and whatever sort of thing they were or weren't, they were still together.

The conversation lulled off shortly after, so he announced it was bedtime. John vanished like a shot, and Jade started pulling out her nightdress, but the usual complaint from Dave was noticeable absent. Bro narrowed his eyes at where Terezi was dragging his brother away.

Fucking kids.

He grumbled as he stalked to the desk in the lounge, rifling through his drawers until he pulled out the box he kept in there for when he couldn't be bothered to walk to the bedroom. As he sauntered to bed he pulled out a few foils, elbowing Dave's door open and throwing them at his head.

"Agh! Bro, what the fuck?"

Terezi swooped, picking one up and squealing in excitement. "Hey! Thanks lemony hot stuff! Now I won't get Dave pregnant!"

"Rez-!" Dave spluttered, cheeks going red, and Bro rolled his eyes, shutting the door.

He did _not_ want to know if that was just a joke.

With a mutter he moved into his own room, tossing the box on his desk and starting to undo his shirt. John was sitting on the end of the bed in his briefs, and Bro gave him an admiring once over with his eyes, before stopping at the expression on the kid's face.

"Um." John managed, pointing at the condoms.

"Oh holy fuck, no, no they're not for-!" Bro grabbed them and shoved them in his bedside table, slamming the drawer shut. "No, fuck, I threw some at Dave! That's all! Christ, I wasn't saying-"

"O-Oh!" John laughed nervously, red to the tips of his ears. "Right, um. Ha ha! I just thought..."

Silence fell, and Bro covered his face, knowing he looked as awkward as he felt. John still gave the odd nervous giggle, and then at last Bro's arms were pulled down, and John gently hugged his waist.

"Just get into bed, okay?"

The Strider stripped to his boxers, following the instruction, and any mess in his mind was quickly soothed to nothing as John curled up in his arms and they both drifted off into an easy sleep.

.:.

"Bro!"

He groaned quietly as John frantically whispered his name again, finally dragged back into consciousness. There was no sunlight in the room when he opened his eyes a crack, and he did _not_ feel rested. He felt like it was two fucking AM and his bedmate had decided he needed to be fucking woken back up just after falling asleep.

"Fuck's sake, John, what is it?"

"I heard something!"

"So what? It's a noisy fucking city, probably outside. Just go back to sleep." He opened his arms hopefully, as the kid had pushed himself up. John shook his head, mouth twisting.

"No, no, not that sort of-"

There was a low noise through the wall and the back of his neck prickled, John's voice fading into an embarrassed squeak. Oh. _That_ sort of noise.

Bro grimaced as John sunk back down and tried to bury his head under his arm, whining quietly. The moaning got louder, and he put a hand over his face.

"Oh my God she's worse than Mom." John complained weakly, as the moaning was broken and muffled and then much, much louder. The pitch wavered and then suddenly dropped a long fucking way. Bro groaned.

"That isn't Terezi." He muttered, grabbing the pillow from under himself and shoving it over his face.

John spluttered and pulled the covers up over his head, Bro joining him in the dark space beneath them a minute later. It muffled the sound a little, and from the blush all over the kid's face and the way his hands were shoved over his ears, any muffling was good at this point.

Bro knew already he wasn't going to be able to block it out so he didn't bother. It became a duet, which was _just_ what he needed, and he grumbled up into the fabric of the cover about dumb fucking kids who couldn't fucking well stay quiet. It didn't help he was pretty fucking certain Terezi's comment hadn't been a fucking throwaway joke, given her voice was clear as day and Dave's damn screaming was muffled.

 _Screaming._ Christ. He had raised a sister by the sound of it.

"Kill me?" John wailed quietly, and Bro snorted, rolling and putting an arm over him. "Oh my God. _Oh my God!_ I can't believe they're actually doing that!"

"Fucking kids." The Strider responded, hugging John's head to his side to try to help dull the sounds out, and wearily trying to focus on anything he could to try to block out the agonising porn soundtrack apparently being recorded down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DAVE'S REVENGE ~~involves way more strap-on than he expected it to~~
> 
> ((When I do Dave's story this whole thing will be done from their perspective, but just as a note, it's not just them rushing into it, even though they're underage.))
> 
> [S] next time guys.......


	82. ==> [S] John: Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He isn't sure what he wants.
> 
>  
> 
> **SMUT**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So. Yes.
> 
> Here.
> 
> 2/10

The noises finally died off, after hitting a long crescendo, and silence returned, bringing with it the thudding pulse of his heart in his ears and the sound of their breathing, soft beneath the cover. He didn't know how long he'd been lying awake, but he knew the arm covering his ears had done little to actually get rid of the sounds that still echoed around his head.

Bro's arm slid down to his back, and the noises of the world rushed in clearly like he'd lifted his head out of water. He nuzzled at Bro's warm side as his breathing calmed, and the hand behind him tugged him closer, his arm naturally stretching out to rest draped over the firm shapes of the Strider's bare chest.

"Thank fuck that's over." Bro muttered softly above his head, and John just stayed quiet, staring at the vague shapes dimly breaking up the darkness. "We can finally get some sleep. Goodnight, John."

The quiet fell over them like a second blanket, other than his soft breaths against Bro's skin. His chest fluttered softly, his teeth dragging over his lip in silent thought.

"Bro?" He whispered after a few minutes of nothing, pushing himself up and wriggling so he was closer to the older man's head. "Can I... Can I kiss you?"

Bro tensed, rolling his head to face him, and John took that as acceptance, leaning in and lightly brushing his lips across Bro's. The flutter grew stronger, twisting down to a heat in the pit of his stomach as he pressed into a longer, harder kiss, Bro's mouth falling open when it ended.

Instantly, John's lips crushed down against his, and Bro seemed temporarily frozen, the kiss now broken into those quick, hot embraces, starting slow but rapidly speeding to a faster pace as John's eyes slid shut and he just focused on the kiss, the softness inside Bro's lips and how good it felt when the Strider started kissing back. Their mouths worked slightly off beat to one another, but he didn't care, enjoying the moments he caught Bro's mouth shut and his bottom lip brushed the man's stud as much as the times they came together perfectly and a shiver ran down his spine.

John went with it, and when he felt Bro's tongue flick his lip he quickly pushed his back against it, tasting the tobacco in Bro's mouth as his rougher lips closed around his tongue and then slid back along it, a sucking pressure against it that felt way better than he'd thought it would. The next push forward he repeated the motion, and the next, until he just gave in to his confused wants and just started kissing back too quickly to bother.

He pushed up further, elbows resting either side of Bro's head as he kissed him from above, and he felt the Strider briefly roll his head towards one of them, before John caught his mouth and pulled him back. The man's motions were more alert, and when John half-opened his eyes, Bro was looking back, gold just tinting the oppressive grey of the dark.

John shifted, tilting his head deeper into their kiss and humming softly as the heat in him coiled further up his chest. Bro had relaxed again, eyes almost shut, and John searched back through his memories, curiously catching Bro's lip with his teeth the next time he pulled up to take a quick breath. Bro exhaled sharply, but the next time their mouths met it was with more urgency, and John's eyes closed. He put his weight on his arms, throwing a leg over Bro's.

"John," Bro said the next time they parted, so quietly he barely heard it over the thundering drum in his ears. John didn't stop, and between kisses Bro managed to murmur out, "What are... you doing?"

"I don't know." John mumbled, pausing, cheeks red and hot, eyes half-open and hazy. He stared down at Bro, who panted quietly, piercing glittering in the dim light as his tongue flicked over his lips to wet them. John gulped and hungrily chased it back into another embrace.

He _didn't_ know what he was doing. He just wanted to kiss Bro, and hold him close. To kiss him over and over and never stop.

It was getting harder to remember to pause to breathe, and their mouths were barely parting now, turning and shifting against each other, hot and wet and hypnotic. He just wanted to lie here and do this forever, and when Bro's arm crept up and over him his fingers dug into the bed, warmth rolling over his body. Bro's palm flattened against his spine and rubbed across the ridge of it, settling between his shoulder blades when his other arm slid up and his hand rested across the small of his back.

The man tugged him closer, and John made a muffled noise into his mouth, skin prickling pleasantly and head growing light as he barely remembered to take sharp breaths through his nose. He could feel pressure where he was pushing against Bro's leg, and Bro must have felt it too, before with a soft grunt he was shifting and _oh._

Okay.

That felt different.

Bro's thigh pressed up as he moved it, and John could feel the pressure rub against his erection, breath catching as his nerves lit up and sent sparks of pleasure rushing up to his head. He breathed sharply through his nose and shuddered, but Bro's legs had dropped and relaxed, leaving him throbbing against his suddenly tight briefs.

John pushed down to regain the pressure, kissing eagerly when he did. He rocked his hips in a rough thrust and it caused a sudden rush through his body, a spreading heat that grew stronger when Bro slowly pushed his leg back up and John thrust against it.

The Strider hummed softly, and John felt his hands shift down to take hold of his slim waist, lifting the boy up and over so John ended up astride him with a muffled sound of surprise. As Bro let him relax against him, just for a moment, John felt the hardness in his boxers and a frisson shot down him, his hips bucking involuntarily. Pleasure and excitement fluttered in his stomach, and he felt it move back against him, stifling a groan in his throat. Okay, this was new, this was good, but as he went to thrust again Bro's hands tightened on his hips and he ended up rocking against his thigh.

He tried again, and again Bro pushed him to one side, until John broke the kiss with a frustrated gasp.

"Bro! Please, just... just let me..." He paused, biting his lip, not even knowing how to say what he wanted. Bro's grip had loosened, so unable to find the words, John shifted his hips back to where he wanted them to be, settling into place and rutting with a sharp breath. "Like... _that_ , please!"

Bro's grip stayed loose, and one hand moved to gently card back through John's hair, tugging him down for another kiss. It seemed enough of a yes for John to start rolling his hips, and this time Bro didn't stop him, much to his relief. He pushed down, seeking friction, and tightened his grip on the sheets when Bro shifted up and he got it, thrusting eagerly against the tent in Bro's boxers and still finding it strange but exciting when he felt it throb up against him, his own shaft twitching back.

The kisses were getting sloppier but it no longer seemed to matter, the heady rush from his rough grinds enough to push him on. His mouth slipped away from Bro's, and with a soft whimper he pressed his head into the curve of Bro's shoulder, dragging himself down so their chests were tight together and the grinding was hard and close and quick. His thoughts were growing disjointed, struggling through a growing fog of pleasure, and he just focused on the sensation and the heat and the buzzing tightness rocking through his muscles, and wow, okay, he thought he was getting close. He pushed harder and moaned into Bro's warm skin, salty with sweat against his lips.

Bro gave a soft, wavering breath that bordered on a moan of his own, and it bolted down John's spine to his dick, which twitched as his hips thrust hard forward. He'd never heard Bro sound like that, breathless and low. The next noise he made was clearly a thoughtless one of enjoyment and that only sped John's movement, because wow. _Yes_. Those noises were perfect and he needed to hear more of them.

But he was close. So close. He could feel it building and his breath was catching, and any moment he was going to-

Bro grabbed his hips, tight, fingers biting into him and holding him down so he couldn't move. The friction was gone, and he whined, frantically trying to rock back and forth but unable to move in the Strider's grip. No! Not when he was practically there!

Bro took a long breath and then laughed quietly, holding him steady, ignoring his small kicks and insistent groans. John wriggled and struggled and then pushed himself up, drawing in short, sharp breaths as he looked down at the dimly visible smirk on Bro's face.

"Bro, don't-" He was whining, but right now he couldn't care less, still finding it difficult to string the words together at all. "P-Please, I need-"

"Fucking virgins." Bro murmured back, voice too shallow, clearly amused.

"Shut up! I just... I want..." John gulped, leaning down and kissing him roughly, biting hard at his lip and dragging it up a little as he pulled back. "Oh my God, let me move!"

"Say please."

"P-Please!" _How_ could he be so calm? John could barely think but Bro sounded fine, other than the quickness of his breath. "Please, I need this, I... I've never felt this good and just please, don't stop now, oh my God, I'm gonna, I'm gonna-!"

Bro's tongue ran over his lips, and he gave a broad smile, slowly grinding up and sending a long moan slipping out of John's mouth. He grasped at the sheets as Bro moved his hips in another long rub, and buried his head against Bro's shoulder, practically biting him to muffle the noises trying to escape him.

"Shit, look at you." Bro's voice was husky, rough, and it _did_ things to him, made him quiver and shake. "Fuck, John."

Bro's grip loosened, and John gave a breathy moan of appreciation, rutting quickly against the older man. He wasn't as close as he had been, but he built quickly, his nerves alight and sensitive, the friction a needed release. Bro was giving soft groans, and every single one was just fuel to the fire, making John speed up, his movements unsteady, Bro's hands fumbling him into a better position every time his frantic motions rocked him out of place.

He was getting near his edge again, but now Bro wasn't stopping him. In fact, other than the longer sounds now rising from him, the Strider was just watching with hazy eyes, the hands on his hips just lightly resting there. John raced on, grinding hard, and just as he felt tightness and pleasure bubble over inside him Bro's grip tightened and he pushed back hard against his movements. It was too much. He gave a long, loud moan as his mind went empty of everything but the feelings flooding him, hips twitching forward as he spilled into the fabric of his briefs.

The world came back to him after a few moments of nothingness, and he panted, clutching at the sheets as his mind reeled. Bro was still rocking up to him and John was frozen, eyes wide in the dark, skin tingling and his whole body feeling warm. He finally snapped out of his daze when Bro choked and his breath just stopped, for a second, the rutting falling out of beat into frantic jerks as his dick pulsed quickly under the fabric. John swallowed and shifted his hands to grasp at his hair, stroking it and pulling himself up to stare down into Bro's unfocused eyes.

He leant in, planting a long, lazy kiss on Bro's lips, savouring every feeling. The Strider's arms were up and on his back, rubbing it gently, soothingly, and everything just felt good, and easy, and slow. Their lips met again, in the dark, now a welcome blanket that wrapped them in nothing but each other. He knew he should probably move, but it felt good to just lie there, close to Bro's warmth. He could feel Bro's heartbeat, and hear his long breaths when each drawn out embrace ended. It was... nice. Everything felt good.

"You okay?" Bro murmured, warm voice leaving a flutter in John's chest. He nodded, smiling down at him, and Bro brushed his black curls back from his sticky forehead, giving a drowsy grin. "That was great, kid."

"Yeah." John managed. He gave him another slow peck on his lips, then snuggled down against his shoulder. Bro's hands were lightly stroking his back and his hair, fleeting touches that made him sigh contentedly. Moving could wait. _Thinking_ could wait.

For now he was just happy to lie here forever in Bro's arms, basking in the warm, golden glow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now nothing to do but write so speed will pick up a metric fuckton. WOOP.
> 
> Also sexy fluffy ~~boyfriends~~ whatever the fuck they are. Aw yisss.  <3


	83. ==> Bro: Have A Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing could ruin his good mood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3/10
> 
> Woop.

When Bro woke up, John was still draped over him, snoring quietly into his shoulder. It was kind of cute, and Bro couldn't help but smile down at him, kissing his head. He didn't feel an ounce of guilt, this time. Life was good. John had started it, and wanted it, and it had felt right.

He stroked the kid's hair, waiting patiently for him to wake up.

When John finally stirred, he fell still again for a while, fingers tracing the scars across Bro's chest. They lingered on the largest, silver mark, running from tip to tip between his breasts and then flattening there so John could push himself up, smiling slightly and kissing Bro's lips with firm warmth.

"Hey."

"Good morning." Bro replied, putting a hand on his flushed cheek. "You feeling okay?"

"I feel great!" John sounded sincere, and his smile was broad and wonderful. "Um. Although I really think I need a shower?"

"Ha! Yeah. Probably. You go first."

"..Oh. Don't you want to join me?"

Bro looked at him, with his hopeful smile, and the emotions in his eyes that were now as clear as day. He grinned back, his own chest filled with a pleasant glow.

"Heh... sure, kid. Lead the way."

.:.

They both washed and dressed, and were eating breakfast with Jade when Terezi bounced out of Dave's room in his record shirt and her jeans. She grinned at them, sitting on the edge of the futon.

"Sleep well?" She asked cheerfully.

"I slept really well, thank you!" Jade announced, and oh, how Bro wanted to glare. He kept his poker-face as John groaned.

"You're horrible." He muttered, poking at Terezi's leg, and she cackled. "But thanks, I guess!"

Her cackle faded, and she raised a quizzical eyebrow at him, cocking her head. "Thanks? _Really?_ Wow, you have kinks, Mister Blueberry! Did you like hearing my coolkid sing?"

John leant over and whispered something, Bro really hoping it wasn't the truth. Her eyes widened, and then she burst out laughing, clapping him on the shoulder. "Good for you Mister Blueberry!" She waggled her eyebrows. "Want some tips?"

"Oh my God, _Rez_." Dave's voice drifted down to them, a pained groan. He shuffled out of his room in her top, most of his stomach showing, prodding at bite marks and scratches on his visible skin. "My fucking body you cannibal bitch."

Terezi smiled sweetly as he reached the futon, looking down at it and wincing, before totally casually staying standing. "Aw, baby, does your ass hurt?" Rez cooed up at him, and he glared.

"Why would his ass hurt?" Jade asked blankly. John choked on his drink.

"I fell out of bed onto the floor. Onto a horrible, bitey floor that did not use enough fucking lubrication."

"The floor used plenty of lube." Terezi replied, jabbing his ribs. "The coolkid that fell on it is just a pussy."

"The coolkid that fell on it is just fine. Fuck the floor. The floor is a bitch."

"The floor loves you too."

"The floor can talk to me again when I can walk straight."

Jade blinked at them, frowning and shrugging, as John tried to focus elsewhere and Bro tried _really fucking hard_ not to laugh.

He was realising he liked this girl. He really did.

The door being knocked distracted him, so he hopped over the back of the futon and walked to it with slight spring in his step. The day was good. The world was wonderful. Nothing could ruin his mood.

Nothing except a man with a pipe and a cake. Another fucking cake. He took it as it was handed to him, grumbling on the way to the kitchen. It was only when he placed it on the counter he paused and read the swirly blue writing iced across the top, choking when he did.

GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON

"What the fuck does that mean?" He called over at Dad, who was casually hanging his hat on one of the hooks by the door. The man shrugged, taking out his pipe and tapping it.

"Whatever you want it to mean, Mister Strider." He said calmly, gaze sweeping up and down him, smiling as he gave another little drag and a puff of smoke.

Bro suppressed a shudder, watching the man move over and greet the kids. Somehow, even after the strife, seeing him act so calmly was even _worse_. There was that knowledge that behind that front, he was probably still angry as fuck, and at any time that bomb could blow.

Damn, though. That was one tasty looking cake.

He decided to let this one slide, because real food looked fucking nice, and left it there as he wandered back and leant on the back of the futon behind John. The kid rolled his head back and smiled, and after a moment to contemplate and decide 'fuck it', Bro leant down and kissed his forehead, getting a pleased grin and a slight blush in return. He straightened and near instantly caught Dad's eyes, raising an eyebrow and _daring_ him to object to it.

Dad raised one back, calmly smoking, not saying a fucking word.

Oh God. _Why was that worse?_

Bro glared at him, and Dad smiled, and this man...

Damn this fucking man.

He leant down, and put an arm around John, hugging him back as he kissed his hair. Whatever! If he was going to be so relaxed, Bro was going to make him live to his words. There were boundaries still, sure, but he could push at them a little.

John giggled and put a hand over his arm, and Bro smiled, eyes flicking to the more rapid puffs of smoke rising from Dad's pipe.

Well then. Let the fucking games begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DAD/BRO BLACKROM OTP


	84. ==> John: Have A Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave has something to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4/10, guys, some short ones to follow.
> 
> I love this chapter so much ;v;

It was lunchtime, and John was watching Bro and Dad duke it out for the kitchen, moving around each other and snapping quiet retorts and _how the hell had Dad opened the fridge without the swords on the top shelf falling on him_? John shook his head. He was kind of worried, about the two of them. It felt like they were both ready to explode, and it would only take a small thing to set them off. Still, for now they were both being civil. That was something.

"Yo, Egbert." Dave elbowed him, and John looked up at where the coolkid was standing beside him, a smirk on his face. "We gotta talk."

"What about?"

"Oh, y'know. Stuff to make sure you know what you're getting into."

With that he'd swung around, and John cautiously followed him, padding down to his room and entering it to find one of those weird puppet things on the bed, like Bro had got Dave for Christmas. It was bright orange, and Dave picked it up like it was radioactive.

"Alright. Time for some reality. Do you know what this is?"

"It's a toy or something."

"Yes, John. It's a toy. It's a toy that you have sex with."

John blinked at him. He looked at the orange thing, then to Dave's straight face, then back.

"Um-"

"The nose is hard and vibrates. There's also a fucking hole in the back." Dave showed him. Wow. Wow, okay, what the hell was this conversation because John _really_ didn't want to have it. "People are fucked by and fuck these things. They are called _smuppets._ Smut puppets. This is a fetish, John. Welcome to the big, wide, fucked-up world."

"Dave, I have no idea what this even-"

"Do you know what Bro does for a living?"

"Uh..." John frowned, thinking about it. _Did_ he know what Bro did? Well, he knew _something_ at least. "You said he makes movies."

"Yeah, John. Yeah he does. Do you want to _see_ one?"

"Okay? I mean, he's never shown me, but..."

Dave took his shoulders, and sat him down in front of his computer, typing in an address that brought up a _really worrying_ page.

"Yeah, well." He said smoothly, clicking the link for videos. "There's a fucking reason for that."

.:.

This was the most confused erection he'd ever had.

Bro was a porn-star, according to Dave, who also made sex toys for a particular fetish group. That was... unexpected? But John could live with that. The idea he was dating - whoa, no - that he was just sort of _romantically hanging out_ with a porn-star was actually kind of cool.

Except, _puppets._

_Fucking. Puppets._

"Oh my God." He croaked, not knowing what else to say, and Dave patted his shoulder understandingly, before abruptly shoving the orange smuppet in his face. John screeched and jumped out of the chair, flailing it away. "OH MY GOD, DAVE! NO!"

"What? You were cool with it before."

"I know what it is now!"

"Yeah, it's the thing your _fucking boyfriend is into._ And literally _in_. Or that's in him. Whatever. You are with a guy who has fucking _sex_ with _puppets._ "

"He's not my boyfriend!" John replied shrilly, and Dave snorted.

"Holy shit, _yes he is_ , John! Have you fucking _seen_ yourself with him?" Dave dipped and grabbed the smuppet, throwing it so it hit John square in the nose. It squeaked. _It squeaked._ John leapt back and stared at it. "Bro makes these, and he makes porn videos, and that's where all his fucking money comes from. _Look at it John._ Look at it's quivering proboscis. Look at it's plush fucking rump."

"I don't want to!"

"Well someday you're going to be having sex and you're gonna hear a fucking _squeak_. And you know what? I'll tell you I _fucking told you so, bro._ I warned you about fucking smuppets."

"Bro wouldn't do that!"

"Holy fuck, of course he would! John, there's one thing you need to understand about Bro. _He is fucking insane._ You're going to wake up one day dressed as a fucking smuppet and there will be nothing you can do."

John blushed and tried to stammer an answer, but Dave was advancing, swooping to grab the orange thing again. "Listen to me, Egbert. You are in for some felty fucking fun if you aren't careful. I'm just giving you a head's up, because I am your fucking best bro and give a shit. Beware the smuppets, man. _Beware._ "

"I'm bewaring, I'm bewaring, oh my God get that thing away from me!"

Dave snorted and threw it to one side, then as quick as a flash his arm was looped around John's neck, and he was leaning down to kiss his nose. "...You're cute when you get all embarrassed."

"Dave!" John swatted at his chest. "You're an asshole! I didn't need to watch any of the videos, I would have believed you!"

"Your dick says you liked them."

"Stop looking at my dick, idiot!"

"It's kind of hard to miss." Dave smirked, managing to catch his lips with his own. John frowned at him.

"Dave, the kissing-"

"Like you don't enjoy it. I'll have you know I am one hundred percent enamoured with Rez, so it ain't meant to mean anything. You're just cute and I like kissing you. Friend love or whatever. Right?"

"...I guess." No sooner was it out that his nose was kissed again, and John wrinkled it. "Stupid."

"No, I think you'll find the word you're looking for is 'awesome'. Now, we better get you trained in how to fuck a puppet. Then you can impress Bro with your skill!"

"Dave, no! Oh my God."

The Strider laughed, and let him go, shrugging and moving to the bed. "Seriously, though. Just. You should know what he does, that's all it was."

"Well thanks. I guess I do feel better knowing, even though I also feel _much worse._ "

"You'll get over it. Friendly warning over, bro."

John rolled his eyes and went to walk out, freezing when Dave suddenly said, "John! Think fast!"

He turned and instinctively went to catch, hands closing around bright orange felt before he could register it. Instantly, he threw the smuppet straight back at Dave. With a loud cry, John absconded, running away from the laughing coolkid and straight to the bathroom to wash his filthy feeling hands.

Puppets.

_Puppets._

Well then. He wasn't even sure what the hell to think.

Puppets.

His brain did not want this. He left, and put the TV on, sitting and desperately drowning out the still awkwardly arousing images of stupid felt sex objects and Bro's dick and hands on them with the drone of whatever inane nonsense he could find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John can't stop thinking about it for the rest of _his life._


	85. ==> Bro: Savour The Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some words shouldn't be said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5/10
> 
> This chapter gave me feels.

Dad left that evening, with another reminder for John to be careful after watching Bro give him a more obvious kiss. Bro felt a weight on his shoulders lift once the man was gone. The second the door was shut he had John against it, kissing him with all the need he'd had trapped inside him all day. John returned it, eagerly. They'd both wanted it, he could feel that, and damn. They were never going to survive months apart.

He hooked his hands under John's knees and hoisted him up, letting him fold his legs around his waist as he supported him. Without a word to the others he balanced and then strode to his room, pulling the door shut with his foot and lowering John onto the bed, kissing him all the way down.

He'd needed these fucking kisses, he'd needed every single one. He'd needed to run his hands through John's hair and down his chest and up under his shirt. Every touch was heaven and every sound was release, and they ended up tangled on the bed, fingers exploring each other and clothes quickly pulled off, dropped carelessly off the bed.

It was just kissing, just stroking, but it was hot and close and needy. After last night, it was like a line had been erased, and this was okay now, this was fine. They'd been further, together. They knew each other now.

Everything faded but each other, and the feeling of their bodies together. It was an eternity before their motions slowed, and when they did they just stayed there, entwined, calming in each other's arms.

"...Dave says you're my boyfriend." John offered in the silent moments that followed. Bro frowned, feeling John wriggle to get more comfortable before he added, "Are you?"

"Am I?"

"I asked you first."

"Well I don't know."

"I don't either."

Silence returned, and Bro stroked his hair, trying not to think about the question. He knew what the answer _should_ be. He also knew what he _wanted_ it to be. It was easier just to ignore it and move on.

Except John stayed silent, clearly thinking, and he knew it wasn't just going to be forgotten. He sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"John, in a few days you're going home. You probably won't see me again for months. You're only nearly fifteen, Christ, you don't want to commit to someone, not yet, and especially not someone you never fucking see."

"But what if I _do_ want to?"

"Do you?"

"I don't know!"

John trembled, then rapidly took hold of him, pulling tight against his chest. "Bro, I don't want to go home! I'll miss you! Can't I just stay?"

"You know we can't do that."

"I just... I wish we could!" John sniffed and shook, and fuck no. Bro quickly pulled his head up, kissing his forehead and wiping away the tears on his cheeks. "I missed you before, but it's going to be so much worse now! We... I mean, we had..." John swallowed, awkwardly stumbling over "-s-sex, right? I'm not going to be able to forget about that. How it was. What it's like being here with you."

"You'll be fine."

"Don't lie to make me feel better."

"John, I'm not..." Bro sighed, closing his eyes. "Okay. No. Yeah. It's going to be fucking terrible, okay? I'll miss you all the fucking time. We can talk and I'm sure that'll help but yeah, you're right, being here and holding you is totally fucking different and we're gonna have to wait for that to happen again, no matter what we want. Maybe you'll find someone while you're waiting."

"I'm not going to find anyone else."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do."

"There could be a ton of better people out there."

"I don't care, I want _you_."

"You're too young to say that."

"I know what I want, I'm not a kid!"

"No, but you're young enough you can change your mind."

"I'm not going to change my mind!"

"John-"

"I love you!"

Bro's sentence died in his throat, and he stared into space, heart pounding in his chest. Oh God. He struggled to find words.

"John, fuck, you're _definitely_ too young to say that!"

"Why? Because I'm a fucking kid? Oh my God, I _know_ what I _want_ and I _know_ how I _feel_! Why is everyone acting like I don't?"

"Because you _don't_! I make up pretty much your entire world experience, John. Anything you think you feel for me, you have nothing to compare it to! I _want_ you to find other people, okay? I _want_ you to go."

"Why? Why the hell would you say that?"

"Because right now you're here with me and you've never really known much else. What you think you feel doesn't mean _shit_. Go out. Explore. See the fucking world and _find other people_ , and if after you do you come back to me, it'll be because I really _am_ what you want."

"Bro-"

"I don't want you to hate me because you stay with me, and you find out I'm not what you were looking for."

"Bro, gosh. I'm never going to hate you." John insisted, putting a hand up on his cheek.

"Better people than you have done. I'm not exactly likeable."

"Please stop saying that when it's not true."

They fell silent, and John moved back in, kissing Bro's chest and giving a quiet sigh.

"Please tell me the truth, Bro. Why... why can't I say it? I want to."

"Because I might believe it." He mumbled, after a long time to think, brushing a hand lightly down John's back.

"So?"

"If you changed your mind now, I could survive. I could just... move on. It was a phase. We went through it. That's fine." Bro swallowed, nuzzling into John's hair to muffle his words, just a little. "But if you say that stupid thing and I _believe_ you, and I start to admit the same feelings back... if you changed your mind then, it would break me, John. I'm sorry."

John kissed his skin again, slowly, mumbling something that sounded like an apology. Bro sighed, stroking his hair. At least he'd admitted that. Not hidden and made up some pathetic excuse. He needed to pull this conversation back to the point he was afraid they'd lost sight of.

" _Am_ I your boyfriend?" He asked, gently, and the kid gave a sad laugh. 

John hid his face, voice muffled and hurt and confused when he finally croaked back a soft, "...I really don't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my precious bbys I'm so sorry. ;-;
> 
> Keep soldiering on wooooop. Five to go. They'll appear throughout the coming hours.


	86. ==> John: Puppets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wait.
> 
> Puppets?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6/10
> 
> HI GUYS I'M BACK DOING THIS
> 
> I had to pause for my actual job! But here we go. Back on track.
> 
> PUPPETS.

The were eating a quiet lunch the next day when it struck him. He muttered it around the forkful of pasta in his mouth, loud enough Bro glanced over at him.

"What was that, kid?"

John swallowed the mouthful, jabbing the fork at him in confusion.

"Puppets."

"Puppets." Bro repeated back at him, carefully, glancing over at where Dave was all of a sudden nonchalantly watching their conversation. "What about them?"

"Uh. You like puppets."

"...Yeah, I-"

"Like, a _lot._ "

John waved his hands to emphasise his point, and Bro looked between his hands, then turned to glare at his brother.

"You showed him the site."

"I showed him the site."

"You little shit."

"He deserved to know what he was getting into."

"I would've told him."

"Like fuck."

"Don't make me strife you, asshole."

"Well why did you put all your stuff away if you were gonna tell him?"

"Dave. Shut up."

"Nope."

"I don't get it though!" John cut over them, and their gazes both snapped to him. "Bro, you built _Dirk!_ Why would you still use the... the other stuff to make money?"

"Because I enjoy doing it." He replied, with a shrug. "And my robotics is something I do for _me_ ; it's therapeutic. No deadlines or expectations. I don't want that to get ruined for the sake of making a quick buck. Why? It's not like I'm gonna shove the other stuff down your throat, Christ."

"It's just not exactly a normal job?"

"Because I am so clearly normal, John."

"That's not what I meant! I guess I thought with Dirk and everything you'd work in computers or something. Sorry! I just. Um. Wow! I didn't think... How do you actually do it? Do you have a studio or something?"

"He does it in his bedroom." Dave answered, before Bro could. "Whole room is rigged with cameras."

"Oh."

Wait.

" _Oh!_ "

His _bedroom?_

"Oh my God! _Bro!_ "

"What? I-" Bro's eyes widened, and his cheeks flushed crimson. "Wait, no, John, I didn't-! It isn't like that, they're all off, I swear to God, I turned them all off! I wouldn't film something like that, not with you. I mean, a few times with Jake-"

" _Bro!_ "

"-I forgot to turn them off, shit!" The Strider was rushing his words out, "But holy fuck I've never done it on purpose! I'm not like that!"

"You didn't even tell me they were there!"

"I didn't want to fucking announce my vocation! I'm sorry, okay, but you have to believe me, none of them have been on this week, not at all."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise, I'll do anything to prove it, please just trust me on this one, okay?" Bro looked at him imploringly and, after the night before, John cracked within a second, nodding and shuffling up into a hug. "...Thanks. Ignore Dave. He's an ass about shit, especially my fucking job."

"Your job _is_ weird though. The video I watched-"

"You watched one of my films?"

Bro looked at him with a mixture of excitement and fear, and John giggled, blushing. "Um! Yeah. It was... interesting? And weird! But I guess it wasn't so bad?"

"John's hammer certainly fucking enjoyed it." Dave added, ducking the cushion John hurled at his head. "Even if it fucked his brain into a mess. He was liking the D but not so much the fuzzy stars of his maiden voyage into your insanity."

"Dave! Shut up!"

"Plus, y'know. He coulda paused that shit any time, but nope. He watched it right to the end."

John's face burnt as Bro laughed, sounding surprised. "Fuck, I'll take that as a compliment." The Strider murmured, ruffling his hair gently. "But I mean, those kinks? I'd never really do shit with them to you, okay?" John nodded, smiling. "It's just my job. I know it's weird but it's a living."

Dave pulled a bluh face as John eagerly accepted more cuddles. Okay so this wasn't so bad! As long as Bro really did never do anything, John supposed it was fine.

Plus he'd taken note of the site address and he had some allowance, and while Dave had been rushing through films, he was pretty sure there were some with less puppets and more Bro, which he was totally more than okay with. Dave had just been trying to get him to react with all this Smuppet stuff, that was all.

"Please never dress me up as a Smuppet." John mumbled into Bro's shoulder. The Strider paused, then wrapped him snug in his arms, shaking with laughter.

"Jesus fucking Christ, don't give me ideas like that. Wow. Painful as it is, you have my word I'll never dress you to look like my finest felt, no matter how fucking adorable that would be."

"Promise?"

"Heh. I promise."

John giggled, and hugged him, and was glad they seemed to have left the emotional aches of the previous night to rest, at least for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so fluff until the next whu-pash of the angst whip. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
> 
> **Edit: Had a long day at work and really need the sleep, so I have to leave it for today. Silly real life getting in the way of fic writing! I'll be finishing the Arc tomorrow.**


	87. ==> Bro: Make Him Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time is precious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7/10
> 
> I WILL FINISH WHAT I STARTED I had a course today OMG real life stop getting in the way of my BroJohn
> 
> I just...feels. Feels. #whyamidoingthis #ohgod #thefeels
> 
> As always special thank you to my betas because you are amazing. Special nod to Kyan for finger kisses.

It had taken a while to actually get John up through the trapdoor, but it had been worth it. Their last day had been spent playing games and watching films with the others, as he desperately tried to avoid thinking about John having to go home. In the end reality seeped back in, and he needed them to have time together. _Alone_. There was only one place Dave would never invade, and given how eager his brother seemed to be to disrupt any time they were together, Bro knew it was the only option.

So he took John to his room, and then helped him up into the crawlspace, smiling to himself at John's whispered exclamations of how exciting hiding up there was. Bro hopped up after him. He had to guide John carefully across the boards, but in the end they reached a blanket and night-light he'd left up there for the days he just didn't want anything to bother him. John hopped onto it, and smiled in the soft golden glow, handsome in the light.

"John," Bro murmured, unsure of what he wanted to say. It didn't matter, though. John took his hands and shooshed him, pulling him gently down to kneel on the fuzzy orange fabric. As soon as he was far enough down, the boy shifted closer, and Bro let him tip him backwards, laying across the blanket as the kid tugged himself over him, tilting his head down and planting soft kisses over his rough jaw. John's hands roamed, over his cheeks and down his sides, catching the hem of his shirt and starting to roll it up. His stomach flexed as nimble fingers tripped over it, light tingling touches that slipped under the fabric over his chest as John flattened his palms against his skin.

He wrapped his arms over John's back, hugging him tightly, fingers catching the fabric of his cotton shirt. If he could, he would cling to this boy forever. He never wanted him to leave, never wanted to let him go.

This week had been perfect, after all was said and done. He just hated knowing it would make the coming months so painful.

"John, stop." Bro rolled his head to one side, swallowing a shudder as John's lips briefly stroked over the pulse in his neck. "John! We have to talk."

"...Oh." The kid mumbled, reluctant, nuzzling at his skin before he rolled off of him, lying on his side next to him with a hand tracing light circles on Bro's chest. "What do you want to talk about?"

Bro sighed and cupped his cheek, running a thumb over his tan skin. He didn't actually know what to say. He knew what he needed to tell him, knew what he had to get across, but the words to actually explain it wouldn't come to him. His tongue felt thick in his mouth.

"John, when you go home," He began finally, voice calm, despite the ache rising under John's hand. "You're gonna do what we said, right?"

"What we said?"

"Finding other people."

"Oh." John's hand stopped instantly, his smile vanishing. "That. I guess so."

"John..." Bro caught his hand when John went to pull it away, rubbing his thumb over the back of it before he tugged it to his lips, softly planting a kiss on his knuckles. "It's for your own good, okay? I'm not telling you to do this to hurt you."

"I know that, I do, I just..."

"Please." He murmured, squeezing his hand softly. John blushed, giving him a nervous glance. "John, I need you to do this for me. I need you to at least try."

"Bro, I don't _want_ to. I'm happy with you."

"You've never really-"

"-known anything else, I know, I know. I just... I don't get why if I'm happy there's anything wrong with that."

"John," He paused, taking a soft, wavering breath, ignoring the lump in his throat, "if it turned out I was wrong for you and you'd wasted your life on me, I'd never forgive myself. You have to at least see what's out there before you choose."

"But-"

"John, _please._ I know you don't want to, I'm sorry, but you have to do this for me. I have to know you're not making a mistake."

John stayed silent, eyes down, and Bro swallowed, brushing his lips across John's long fingers.

"You have to listen to me. You don't know, not for sure, not until you go out looking. I'm not going to vanish, John, if you come back at the end I'll still be here. You've just got to go out and... and _live_ a little first."

"Bro-"

"Please. God, John, _please_."

His voice wavered, but he kept it together. Fuck, he didn't want to be saying any of this! He didn't want to push him away. If he could he would just keep this kid here forever, fill every moment with hugs and kisses and murmured words.

But what he wanted and what was best for John were different things, and in the end he valued John's happiness above his own. He needed to do this. He needed John to be sure.

"I... I'll try, Bro, but-"

"No," He cut across him, firmly, even as pain seared in him for doing it. "John, you have to promise me," He didn't want him to promise, he didn't, he wanted him to say no and kiss him again and again, "Promise me you won't just wait. Promise me you'll see other people without me ruining it this time."

"You didn't ruin it, with Karkat."

"Don't lie to make me feel better." Bro repeated back to him, and John flushed, closing his eyes. "John, please. I need you to promise me."

This hurt so much.

"I promise." John mumbled, showing his open hands. "If it means that much to you, I promise, okay?"

"Yes."

_No._

Bro kissed his fingers again, letting go and relaxing as John quickly curled up to his side, head resting against his shoulder. He felt like he should say more, but even the thought of speaking made him feel sick, so he just stared at the low ceiling, John's warmth at his side the only comfort in the suddenly cold, empty space.

His eyes slid shut, and he listened to the silence, able to hear the murmur of voices below and the gentle, shaky breaths of the boy clinging to him tightly. Time was slipping away, the precious time he couldn't get back, but there was nothing left to do, or say. Just John holding him. Just the quiet. It was the only thing that mattered now.

"Bro?" John whispered, an eternity later. "Are you awake?"

He didn't move, stayed quiet and still, and after a long, wary pause, John stroked his chest, nuzzling against his skin.

"...I love you." John murmured into his shoulder, and Bro's heart _hurt_ , his whole body aching as he tried to stay apparently asleep. "I _love_ you, stupid. I'll still love you in three years, I know I will, and when those years are over I'm gonna make up for every single moment you're making me give up now, I promise."

Bro kept his breaths easy as John leant over him, and kissed his lips, warm tears exploding like fireworks across his cheeks where they dripped down from John's face.

"You're the stupidest boyfriend ever." The kid whispered, covering Bro's face with sad kisses before he curled up and shuddered his way to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS HURT ME.
> 
> :'(
> 
> OH NO WHY IS THERE NOT FLUFF NEXT WHY DID THE WHIP CRACK SO SOON I WANTED FLUFF DAMN MY OWN IMAGINATION YOU STUPID FEEL CRUSHING BASTARD.


	88. ==> John: Go Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the end of their week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8/10
> 
> So close. One more chapter of pain after this, then there's good stuff, I promise.

John rode to the airport in a taxi with Dad and Dave, as Jade had pretty much clung to Dirk from the moment splitting up again was mentioned. He'd woken up back in Bro's bed, alone, and since then the distance between them had felt palpable, the lack of touches, glances and words.

Fine.

_Fine._

If he was going to be like that John was going to keep his promise to the letter.

It hurt, sure, but he could cope with it. He had to. There were things he could do to try and help, and the sooner he started the better. Bro wanted him to go out and find other people and fine! He would!

He just didn't know many people.

He was lucky he had places to start.

Dad was smiling at him, again. He'd been pleased when John volunteered to go with him, instead of with Bro again, patting his shoulder and murmuring something that sounded suspiciously proud. He felt like Dad knew something had changed.

The taxi pulled to a stop and Dad paid, before he and the driver got out to get the bags, although there was no way the driver was getting his hands on them. John unclipped his seatbelt, glancing at Dave, who fidgeted.

He paused, then sat back in his seat.

"So, uh. Yeah. It's been cool, dude." Dave flashed him a weak smile, and John gave a relaxed grin back, even given how angry and upset he was feeling inside. That was Bro's fault, not Dave's. He wouldn't take it out on his best bro. "We should do this shit again sometime. It ain't half bad having you around."

"Heh. I've enjoyed being here, most of the time."

"Yeah, well, it _was_ kinda a bumpy ride for a bit, huh?"

"It was."

Dave rubbed his arm, his smile widening. "You're gonna message me when you get back, right? Because like fuck does this visit excuse you from the glorious words I'm just waiting to spill all over your screen."

"Duh! It'll be the first thing I do, seriously."

"Better be. I know where you live, man."

"I know where you live, too!"

"Yeah but you've got a Harley I can call on to give you some well deserved vigilante justice if you ignore me, yo."

John laughed, punching his shoulder, cheering up just a little. Dave always cheered him up, when they just chatted like this. Today he'd really needed it.

"I'm going to miss you, Dave." John sighed, smile growing a little sad.

"Yeah." Dave shrugged, turning to face him. "Me too."

He stiffened in the seat as Dave leant towards him, the blonde's eyes sliding shut as his lips brushed John's cheek, by the corner of his mouth. It was soft, clearly going to be fleeting, but it was nice, comforting given everything else he'd been through recently. Dave moved to plant a second one and John didn't think, turning his head and tilting into it, closing his eyes.

For a moment, Dave hesitated in surprise, and then he pushed back, their lips moving thoughtlessly against one another as John focused on how good it felt to just kiss Dave, and not think about anything else, not about any of the mess that had been dragging him down. The coolkid was pushing harder, and John heard the snap of his seatbelt being undone, before Dave had shifted to lean over him and put a firm hand on his thigh to hold himself steady.

John felt the kisses getting sloppier, and hungry, and he fell into it, heart racing in his ears. His stomach was flipping and he could barely breathe, but wow, he could just kiss like this all day, because it felt so...

Wow.

It ended. Dave's forehead rested on his, and the Strider gave a shaky breath against his face.

John opened his eyes and stared at him, and at this distance he could see Dave staring straight back behind his shades, face twisted in confusion. The pleasant buzz dimmed quickly, and heat crept over John's face as what he had done actually hit him.

"Um." Oh God, oh God, oh God. "Haha!" Dave was still staring and no, wow, this suddenly felt really weird. "Uh. Yeah! Kissing... just friend love! Right?"

"Right." Dave mumbled back, eyes darting to and fro between John's own.

The coolkid slowly pulled back and sat against the chair, staring into space as his hands fidgeted on his lap. John panted and watched him, then awkwardly turned away, fingers dancing over his lips.

He _really_ didn't want to think about this right now.

"Boys?"

The moment Dad spoke John jumped and darted out of the car, laughing nervously and moving to pick up his case. Dave followed at a leisurely pace, poker-face firmly back in place.

"Let's go and see if we can find the others." Dad smiled - he was doing a lot of smiling today, and not that weird dead kind he'd been doing recently either - hoisting a bag over his shoulder. "We have a schedule to keep to, after all."

"Sure, Dad!" John forced a smile, and shot a glance at Dave as the blonde silently picked up a case to carry, no longer able to see anything hidden behind the shades. He chose not to dwell on it. They'd talk soon anyway! They could talk about things like awkward goodbye kisses then, if Dave wanted to.

John sort of hoped he didn't.

Dad led them off, and John followed, hearing Dave scuffing his shoes along the concrete behind him, rambling in a voice too soft to be heard.

.:.

They met the others on the way to the baggage check, Jade and Dirk chatting happily about talking online when they got home. Bro was silent, carrying bags, focusing intently ahead of himself, and John let his own gaze drop.

He didn't need any of this. Everything had been _fine_ until last night.

It surprised him when fingers tugged at him, and he looked over at the pale hand that had taken hold of his, giving a comforting squeeze. His gaze darted up to Dave as their hands fell apart again, but he was impassive, gaze in the distance, leaving John even more confused.

He stayed quiet, until they reached the point they had to part ways, and Jade and Dirk tried to apparently choke one another with hugs. For a moment, he just watched them, before blushing and turning his gaze to the pair of equally awkward blondes.

Dave moved forward first. He wrapped his long arms around John's back and tugged him in, cuddling him tightly with his chin on John's shoulder.

"Stay safe, man. Be cool. I'll miss your stupid face."

"Yeah, I... Goodbye, Dave."

"Bye, John." He straightened and ruffled his hair, cheeks pink, and John smiled at him, hoping it didn't look as awkward as it felt. The coolkid moved over to say goodbye to Jade, and John took a deep breath, then moved straight up to Bro and hugged him tightly, burying his face in his chest.

Bro rested a hand gently in his hair and he bit back tears, this feeling a hundred times worse than saying goodbye at Christmas. He felt his thumb brushing through his curls and it soothed him and made him feel empty, all at the same time. He didn't want to go. He didn't want to lose this.

"Hey, kid." Bro murmured, prying him back. "John." He crouched, looking up at him and giving a sad smirk. "I'll be online and shit, okay? Ain't like I'm vanishing for good."

"I... I know."

"You just do your best, with everything. Shit will work out one way or the other, got it?"

"Y-Yeah. I'll miss you."

"I know." Bro sighed, the smile fading, before he pulled John down into a close cuddle, planting a covert kiss on his cheek. His voice dropped, and in a hesitant tone he mumbled, "I'm sorry I'm such a stupid boyfriend."

John felt his heart do a weird jump in his chest, tightening his grip on Bro. He'd heard and he'd said it back and that was so weird and so nice and he _really_ didn't want to leave! Bro was here, and he wanted to stay with Bro. Stay with his boyfriend.

His stupid, _stupid_ boyfriend. 

When the Strider gently eased him back John was crying, and Bro shooshed him, wiping the tears away and leaving his big, warm hands cupping John's soft cheeks. They spent a few moments just looking at each other, the silence full of emotion and wishes and unsaid words. In the end, Bro chuckled, managing to keep his voice straight when he spoke.

"...Goodbye, kid."

John forced one last smile, wishing he could kiss him as he whispered back a trembling, "Goodbye."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait. What. Freelove!John? _What has Bro done?!?_
> 
> Oh well.
> 
> LET THE JOHN SHIPPING OLYMPICS COMMENCE.


	89. ==> Bro: Dwell On It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was _fine_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, what's up? I just started a pretty rad new job so the last few days have been up in the air, so I'm really sorry about that! Finally got it all settled and an updated schedule worked out though, so daily chapters it is. :)
> 
> Today I should get into the next arc, which I'm pretty excited about! It's fluffy and awkward teenage fun with a side helping of angst to make up for all the sads and feels in the last two arcs. I hope you're going to like it!
> 
> For now, though. Sad!Bro. Not Beta'd so expect it to be a mess :D
> 
> 9/10

When they got home, the house felt empty.

Dave instantly slouched to the futon and slumped into it, Dirk following and settling cross-legged in front of it. In a few moments they had switched on a console and were loading up a game, chilling straight away like everything was back to normal.

But things _were_ back to normal.

Normal sucked.

Bro sighed and moped to the fridge, carefully snatching out the remaining cake and setting about it without bothering with utensils. His fingers ended up sticky with icing and crumbs as he scooped it into his mouth. This shit was sugary heaven. Ugh. He was comfort eating already and John had been gone all of an hour.

He dropped the empty dish in the sink and scrubbed his hands off on his jeans. Right. He felt a little better, now. He lingered and watched the kids play for a while, then sighed, walking down to his room and sitting on the edge of the bed. The big, empty bed.

 _Fuck._ This was way worse than he'd been expecting.

Bro slumped backwards to stare at the ceiling, arms loosely by his side. He'd broken up with Jake and not given a fuck. He'd left at Christmas without a single pain in his heart. But right now, right here? Christ. His chest felt hollow and his limbs were like lead weights, and all he wanted to do was curl up and cry.

He had a boyfriend, now. He'd murmured his agreement in his infinite stupidity, on a dumb whim that had clearly struck straight at John's heart. After his speech on why it couldn't work yet, he'd gone against all his own words and accepted it - encouraged it, even. He'd handed a fracture of his heart to a kid, and it had promptly been swept miles away, leaving a small hole in his soul.

It had been a few hours, but that was too long already. He missed his blue eyes and his big, broad smile, and the way he laughed and the warmth of his arms. He missed everything about John.

Holy fuck. He was _pathetic_.

Bro groaned and rubbed his eyes. He hadn't pined like this since Caliborn vanished off the face of the earth, and at least then he'd still been the age he could get away with it. Now he was a grown man pining after a kid young enough to be his son.

It felt wrong to call John a kid now, though. He was a young man. A guy. He certainly wasn't the child Dad made him out to be! This week there had been moments it was easy to forget the gap between them, and easier just to focus on their connection. Moments John had still acted a little naive, perhaps, but almost certainly held himself as an _adult._

That didn't change the fact he was only just about to hit fifteen, of course it didn't, but it changed a lot of his fears. He'd worried John was too young for him as a person, and maybe he still was, but as time passed, the age gap had mattered less and less to their relationship. What mattered more was just... _John._ He was a great guy. Bro really fucking liked him.

Bro really fucking missed him.

_Fuck._

So it looked like his next week, at _least_ , had just turned into aimless moping and lurking on Pesterchum for any hint of conversation with his boyfriend. His boyfriend who he'd encouraged to see anyone else he could, and who he'd continue encouraging even as it fucking hurt him to do it. It felt like the first vaguely responsible thing he'd done, even though it also felt really stupid. Like maybe it was a botched version of responsibility that was treading the borders of completely fucked up.

He hated having to act like an adult. Most of the time he felt like he'd hit sixteen and just stuck there, still a kid hiding inside a grown up body, and someday someone was going to notice he'd been faking it all this time. He'd voiced the thought to Roxy once and she'd cackled, and asked why he bothered faking. She never did. She was a big kid who could actually legally drink now! Apparently that was awesome.

He, on the other hand, still liked to think he could be mature. When all the shit had gone down with his parents and he'd taken Dave, he'd had to prove it, and that had always left him hoping he hadn't just been talking shit, that he actually was as adult as he said he was. It was just... most of the time, he was fully aware that wasn't the case.

Maybe that was part of why he was fine with John. For all his complaints about Dad, Bro would admit he'd done something right, because his son was a good person and had a great character: bright without being blinding, cheerful without being oblivious. Dad had good reason to be proud of his boy, and Bro was a little jealous - given how haphazardly he'd raised Dave - that a man around the same age as him had done a much better job.

Holy fuck...Dad was only practically his age! He'd felt a fuckload younger than the other man whenever he was being given one of those fucking looks, so the realisation felt weird. It wasn't like he hadn't been aware of it - Roxy had slurred repeatedly about Dad being a whisker younger than her. _Younger than her._ The man was only thirty three. Shit. He wasn't sure when a fucking time machine had been invented and dragged through a madman from the forties, but it had fucking happened and Dad was the proof.

The thought the man had only been eighteen when John was born felt weird. Dad came across as the sort of man who would wait patiently until the time was right for a kid, not rush into anything. Maybe lessons learnt from experience? Probably. The thought of Dad as a reckless teenager amused him, but he quickly turned it into what it probably actually was - a young man finding a nice girl fairly quickly, possibly even childhood sweethearts, marrying her when they could and having a son, although possibly not in that order.

...And then becoming a widower in his early twenties.

Christ.

For the first time Bro felt a pang of sympathy for the man, realising how shit his life must actually have been. Married young, sure, but lost his fucking wife pretty quick too, by the sound of it. John said he was small when she died. Hell, no wonder he was so fucking protective of his kid.

But John needed room to grow. Even in the few months since Christmas, he'd changed, become more open and relaxed around other people. That was great! He'd needed that. He was starting to grow up, and at fifteen, that was kind of a good thing. No matter how good Dad's intentions had been, he couldn't keep John inside a gilded cage forever, and he had to have _known_ that. At least now John was getting actual experience at living slowly, and not just being thrown to the wolves when he reached adulthood.

And part of that experience was experimenting with other people.

Bro groaned as his mind went full circle and came back to the swelling loneliness that left him empty. He wanted John back. Hell, he had the money! He could buy plane tickets tomorrow, and-

No. He sighed. He knew that wasn't actually an option.

Slowly, Bro shifted up the bed, laying on his side and staring blankly at the empty pillow beside the one his head was resting on. His hand rose to rest on it, fingers digging into the soft fabric, cold beneath his touch.

Was he having a mid-life crisis? Is that what this was? He'd thought he was too young for that, but he couldn't even fucking tell anymore. Six months ago he'd been _fine._ He'd been alone, but that had been cool, and he'd just been getting on with shit and not giving a fuck what anyone else thought of him.

Then Dave went out on a date, he got woken up in the night, and a kid with the bluest eyes he'd ever seen had turned his entire life upside down.

Bro closed his eyes and let in all run through his head. He wasn't sure when he'd fallen for John, he really wasn't, but sometimes he thought it had been halfway through watching him hold a bunny up to a webcam, making Bro laugh honestly for the first time in years. He knew he hadn't been lying, when he said he'd still be there, in three years time.

He'd told John to go explore, but he'd planned nothing else for himself. Just going back to how he'd been, he guessed, picking up one night stands when he needed them and just coping when he didn't. He'd be fine. He was a grown man, he didn't need anyone to fucking get by.

He didn't need _anyone_.

He was _fine!_

Yeah!

_...Fuck._

He missed John.

Bro sighed, ejecting Cal into his hands and flushing a little as he hugged him, looping his long arms around his shoulders and then closing his eyes.

"Don't ask questions, bro." He mumbled into his best friend's shoulder, and Cal responded with a caring silence.

The lil man soothed him, made him feel less alone, and he fell asleep curled up around him, dreaming of three years time and a day he might never have to sleep in an empty bed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bro has to keep cuddling Cal to get to sleep for months.


	90. ==> John: Fix Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone needs to apologise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting back into it, woop!
> 
> 10 out of fucking 10

The bell was way too loud, and he jerked his hand back as soon as he'd pressed it, scuffing his sneaker awkwardly across the stone path. He was so nervous. This could go so, so bad.

The door opened a few seconds after the chiming stopped, and John apprehensively looked up at Mister Slick, who raised a thin eyebrow.

"Um! Hi, sir, is Karkat-"

Slick moved forward, and _oh God that was a knife._

John leapt backwards as the man slashed it at his face, stumbling and tripping over his own feet to land painfully on his ass and stare frantically up at the looming, angry father.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry please don't stab me!"

"DAD!" Slick rolled his eyes and straightened, looking back at where Karkat was in the doorway in pyjamas. Karkat scowled, storming out and shoving him, hard. "Stupid fuckass! I told you not to hurt him!"

"Come _on_ , brat. A little fucking stab in the face never hurt nobody."

" _Dad._ "

"Holy shit, fine, but he ain't welcome under my roof, not after messing with you. You wanna talk you do it out here. Little shit." Slick sneered down at him, then slid the knife away, puffing on his cigarette as he vanished back into the house.

Karkat fidgeted awkwardly, then offered a hand, helping John to his feet. The silence between them was uncomfortable, and all John wanted to do was hug him and kiss him but he knew he couldn't, not anymore.

"...I'm sorry." Karkat said finally, and John blinked, because that was what _he_ was meant to be saying.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I was a stupid fucking asshole and I hurt you, and I'm fucking sorry."

"Um. Karkat, I'm the one who should be apologising! If I hadn't gone to see Bro we'd still be together!"

"Yeah, but we never fucking should have been."

"...What?"

Karkat sighed, running a hand back through his hair. "John, look, you were my first boyfriend. I have a fucking awful habit of liking people who're more interested in other fucking people, okay? I crushed on Sol and he'd just met Aradia. I like Kanaya and she had some fucking girl she was interested in. Fuck, I even liked some weird leet girl online and just as I fucking went to ask her her name and shit she said there was a fucking douchebag she liked!"

"I am attracted to people who are already fucking taken, okay?" He continued, gaze dropping downwards and his voice low. "I _knew_ you were fucking taken. The whole sitting down ranting about your fucking sexuality was because there was some guy you fucking liked, so it's not like this was a surprise. I knew we weren't going to work out. I knew that from the fucking start. I just decided not to give a shit and date you anyway."

John blinked at him, and Karkat shrugged. "I should never have asked you out once I knew you were in love with someone. That's like, wrong on every fucking level it can be. I care about _romance_ , and I was fucking yours up by getting in the middle of what might be a totally messed up relationship, but is still something you give a lot of fucking shits about. So. I'm sorry."

"Uh... wow. Okay. I thought you were going to hate me!"

"For what? I knew you weren't over him, you actually had the fucking guts to tell me that before you left, and I still fucking selfishly acted like you had to come back to me. It hurt, because I sort of kidded myself we were going to work out, at the end? But since we broke up I've been thinking about it and I'd known from the start what I was agreeing to was fucking temporary. I shouldn't have pretended it was anything different."

"Karkat, I wasn't planning on leaving you for Bro!"

"No, but you were always fucking going to. You're clearly fucking head over heels for him, holy shit, if you didn't know that _how the hell did you miss it?_ When you started rambling about him on chat I just fucking realised I was an idiot and we weren't going to work, just like I'd _always known._ Yeah, it fucking hurt, I really fucking like you, but I care about people being happy, and being with that right fucking person, and I was never right for you, okay?"

"Karkat-"

"I should have fucking thought about the consequences when I asked you and I didn't, and now we both feel like shit because I was selfish and still wanted to date you, and I shouldn't have done that."

" _Karkat-_ "

"This is what I always fucking do, I come into a perfectly good relationship and I mess up the chemistry and perfectly good fucking romances get shot to flames because I messed them up and-!"

"Shoosh." John said firmly, patting a hand on Karkat's nose. Karkat frowned but fell silent, folding his arms uncomfortably. "Karkat, stop. It wasn't all your fault."

"John, it fucking _was_ all my fault."

"No, it wasn't! Listen. I don't regret the fact we dated, okay? Dating you was great! I regret the reasons I had for dating you. Most of it was cool, y'know, that you're really nice and funny and I like you a lot! But there was a part of me that said yes because Bro had a boyfriend and I was really jealous."

The admission made him blush, and he paused, Karkat frowning but not saying anything. John sighed, before hesitantly carrying on. "I always knew I put Bro first, and even that time we spoke I didn't tell you how much I care about him because I _liked_ dating you, Karkat. I didn't want to lose that, so I was selfish and acted like I was getting over him when I wasn't, which gave you false hope. I shouldn't have said yes, and even after I did I should have been more honest with you. I fucked up too!"

"We both fucked up."

"Yeah."

John sighed, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, the silence dragging out way longer than he wanted it to. Had they made up? It was kind of hard to tell when Karkat wasn't saying anything!

"Um. Karkat, are we still friends?"

Karkat blinked out of his daze and stared at him, before scowling, punching him hard in the shoulder.

"I fucking hope so you cocksucking asshole! Otherwise give me a second to go get Dad to stab you in the-" He broke off as the door creaked behind him. " _Holy fuck Dad it was a joke!_ " After a pause and a mutter, it shut again sharply. "Fucking idiot. Yes, John, we are still friends, because we both fucked up and are really stupid but we get on pretty fucking well, okay? I don't hate you."

"We're so dumb."

"You can fucking say that again."

"We're so dumb."

Karkat groaned, and punched his shoulder again, but he was smiling, and John was laughing, and he guessed his week was ending on a high note after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's my thing, and I'll post it here. Karkat has a problem with thinking things are his fault. He likes fixing other people's problems but never deals with his own. He's not angry at John, he's mad at _himself_ , and John is upset with himself, and basically they're two really stupid dorks who will get over it in time.
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> HEY SO WHO WANTS SOME KANAYA.
> 
> ==> End Arc 3


	91. ==> Dave: Meet People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: FORGOT MY FUCKING TITLE AND NOTES HAHAHAHAH I'm going mad
> 
> Hey so time for a fluff arc! We need one of those, Christ.
> 
> ==> Begin Arc 4

"Hello, David, it is a pleasure to meet you."

Her accent was thick, but pleasant. A fluid melody to her words. It was lyrical and he guessed he could put up with it droning in his ear, because if this was the sort of chick who appealed to Rose, she probably had a hell of a mouth on her. Rose was hanging off her arm even as she introduced herself, blonde hair down by the woman's slender shoulder, her own black hair swept in a perfectly manicured style.

"'Sup." He responded, casually, taking the hand she offered and shaking it firmly. Kanaya smiled at him, and as their hands dropped she raised hers to brush her fringe back behind one heavily pierced ear, her emerald lips curving into a smile.

"Rose has told me a lot about you." She looked down at the blonde and got a broad smile in return, blushing as she turned her gaze back to Dave. "You seem a rather interesting person. I look forward to talking more to you."

"I hope she's been saying fucking good things."

"Oh... mostly." Kanaya chuckled. Dave narrowed his eyes. Fucking snarky broads and their fucking chuckles. Rose fluttered her eyelashes at him, and he rolled his eyes, nudging Terezi forward.

"Right then. This is my girlfriend, Terezi. She's fucking insane. I'm sorry if she licks you."

Terezi cackled, tapping her cane and grinning at them. "Hey! Through my intense interrogations I've forced a few things about you out of my coolkid. All good things, and all screamed at the top of his sweet cherry voice."

"Rez!"

"Totally true." She elbowed him, then gave a softer smile. "It's cool meeting more of Dave's friends, though! Given it took him a year and a half to let me into his house, it's nice he's actually inviting me places now!"

"Ah, of course. You have met John and Jade." Rose observed. "How did you find them?"

"Hmm. Jade is adorable, and John is..." Her features twisted in deep, overdramatic thought. "... _Complicated_."

Rose raised an eyebrow.

"Complicated?"

"Complicated."

The blonde nodded understandingly, and Dave just gave them both a look. He hated those moments - those _Rose_ moments - where she said words, and they meant more than they actually seemed to. He'd never fucking got the hang of understanding it, and apparently Rez was in on it too, so fuck. That was his whole fucking Christmas gone into puzzling out unspoken conversations and girly nonsense when he could've been spending it relaxing and not being mentally fucked with for once.

Oh wait, no. That wasn't a thing that was ever going to happen.

"Wow, you two are really pretty!" Terezi's loud exclamation snapped him out of his thoughts, and he looked down at her as she prodded at Kanaya's stomach. "Dave, why aren't you as pretty as these two?"

"Sorry babe, I'll doll myself up for you later."

"You better. You know I like my bitches to be beautiful."

Dave snickered and tugged her into a one-armed hug, stooping to kiss her hair. It was nice, having her here, somewhere new and exciting for her, and familiar and warm for him. She'd been so thrilled when he invited her, and bounced all the way on the plane, cackling at him and investigating Rose through what little he would tell her. He didn't tell her much. Rose was something best discovered through trial and error.

He'd never seen Rose look so cheerful. She had this constant little playful smile on her black lips. In the year since he'd seen her, she's grown curvier, her voice had grown richer, but she hadn't grown an inch. Then again, much to his annoyance, nor had he. Kanaya was a head above her, slender and elegant, dressed in a stunning green dress that clung to her perfect figure. Her face glittered with piercings and her vivid emerald eyes sparkled with life.

She was hot. Rose was a damn lucky girl.

"So how are you finding America?"

"Strange. I will take more time before making a decision. It is certainly very expansive. I am used to a busy city, so this particular house is a welcome relief from such congestion."

"Ha! It'll fill up pretty fucking quick when Egbert and family arrive."

Kanaya's smile widened. "Oh! This will be John, and Jade, and Karkat?"

"John's bringing Karkat?" Dave said slowly, suppressing the groan that rose in him. Why was this a fucking surprise? John never shut up about the asshole. Since their breakup Dave had been sure he'd heard even _more_ about him!

"I believe he is accompanying the family, yes. Do you have issue with that?"

Ugh.

Whatever. He'd just fucking deal with the short fucker, that was all there was to do.

"Yeah, Karkat is a douchebag." Dave replied, and Kanaya glared.

"Do _not_ say a word against that boy." She said coldly, her free hand fixing to her hips as her lips pursed. "He is a highly sensitive person, who is unfortunately much maligned, and people such as you insulting him is hardly doing his self confidence any favours."

"Wow, what are you, his _mom_?"

"No, but I am someone who cares a lot about his wellbeing, and I would prefer I did not have to defend him against someone my dearest considers a friend."

"Well I ain't gonna try and stay near that little shit, so don't worry about it. I'm gonna be keeping the fuck outta his way. Me and him don't exactly get on."

"Yes, I had gathered that when you announced he was a douchebag." She replied flatly, arching an eyebrow at him. "If I must keep you both calm, I shall, but I would prefer to think you are both adult enough to avoid conflict. However, given everything Rose has told me, I worry perhaps mediation may be required."

"Mediation won't be fucking required, I can solve my own problems."

"Of course you can." Kanaya tutted, before shaking her head and looking down to Rose. "Would you be a dear and show me to my room? I have a lot to unpack."

"Certainly." They shared a soppy smile, and then they were swanning away, and Dave was frowning at their backs. He could totally deal with Karkat alone! There wasn't even anything to deal with. He was just a dick, and Dave wasn't going to put up with his shit. That was all.

Terezi hugged him, and cackled up at him, reaching up to pap his cheek. "She was nice, and you were an asshole."

"So what's new?"

"Nothing. You're just adorable when you get all annoyed."

Dave blushed, and gave her a small smile, leaning down to gain a new black lipstick mark to his lips. She grinned and settled down with her head nuzzled against his chest, and Dave raised a hand to stroke her hair, feeling that wonderful, warm swell he always did when he was with her. She was perfect in every fucking way, she seriously was. Everything she did was beautiful. Everything she said was just musical.

"Oh my fucking God, Harley, put me down you stupid cuntlicking bitch!"

"Shut up, fuckass!"

Dave's attention was pulled away from his suddenly excited girlfriend, and as Terezi darted under his arm he turned and followed her, slinging an arm back over her shoulder. Jade was bounding across the main room towards them, a kicking short-ass hanging over her shoulder. Dave suppressed a smirk. With a blinding smile, Jade had dumped Karkat in front of them, and for the first time Dave was presented with the short, angry bundle of hate in the flesh, just as loud and sweary as he'd ever been on camera. Terezi and Jade were sharing a hug, and deciding not to be a total dick Dave offered Karkat his hand, pulling him to his feet.

"'Sup, Karkles."

"I told you never to fucking call me that, Strider. Can't you follow simple fucking instructions? Just because I let John pull that shit doesn't mean you can."

"Yeah, well, it's only fair after you douches abandoned me in fucking June. We haven't spoken on camera or voice or shit in months!"

"John got self-conscious you insensitive ass."

"Why the fuck-?"

"His voice broke, and for a while he sounded like a chipmunk on helium."

"Oh." Dave mulled that over for a while, then snorted. "He still sound fucked up?"

"No, he's got over that shit now, dumbass. Puberty just decided to hit him in one fucking hammer-blow and he had a fucking terrible year because of it. He's only just getting out of it so give him a fucking break." Karkat adjusted his scarf, then in a terrible attempt at a disinterested voice, added, "Is your brother here with you?"

"John spoke to you about that shit?"

"Yes."

"Bro's here, yeah. He absconded as soon as we arrived, don't ask me where the fuck he is. Don't try any shit with him. The mood he's been in, he'll fucking end you."

"I wasn't going to try anything! I just wanted to know, fuck."

They glared at each other, before Jade seized Karkat's arm and promptly yanked him sideways. She set about introducing him to Terezi, and Dave's eyes narrowed as Karkat blushed when Rez patted his messy hair.

Fuck no.

"Yo, back off, dick." He said sharply, and Karkat jumped, then glared at him. Terezi rolled her eyes, but gave a grin.

"Dave, shut up. You know I wouldn't. Come on, little strawberry shortcake. Let's leave the coolkid alone, he'll mope forever otherwise."

"Hey, don't you dare-!"

She blew a raspberry and cackled as she dragged Karkat away, Jade bouncing along behind them. He was going to follow them, of course he was! That little asshole was blushing like an anime schoolgirl at his fucking girlfriend and he was _not_ cool with that. Stupid Karkat. John never should have brought the dumbass.

Huh. He wondered where John was, and turned back to look towards the door, stopping and forgetting following the others as his eyes widened slightly behind his shades.

Oh no.

John was hot.

Not that John wasn't hot before, but dang, John was _hot_.

John was with Dad, dropping cases by the door as Mom slurred greetings to them both. When he straightened, Dave got a pretty clear view, and straight away his eyes were darting to and fro over every detail of his best friend. John's hair had thickened from fluffy curls into glossy black waves, still short against his head, and then trailed down into slight sideburns and the first signs of stubble across his squared chin. Whatever roundness there had been to his face was gone - the cheeks that had once puffed out were now slender and straight, and the soft curve from chin to neck had become sharp and defined. He looked a hell of a lot more like Dad, and to be honest, that wasn't a fucking bad thing.

The dark green jacket he was wearing was tight on his arms, showing off muscles that his hammer training had clearly helped put there. In fact, as Dave looked, his whole body was bulked up with toned shapes, the small and slightly round boy he'd been when he left Texas apparently lost somewhere in the ensuing months. It helped that instead of a loose t-shirt he was actually in a crisp outfit that made him look a ton more mature.

John caught his eye and gave him a broad smile, still toothy and bright but somehow looking way less childish on his narrower face. He'd got new glasses, and they were slimmer than his older ones, the sort with no frames around the lenses. They brought out his eyes, sparkling brilliant blue, and Dave's legs felt like jelly when John strode over, a bounce in his step.

The first thing that annoyed him was having to look _up_ to see John, a gap between them that went the _wrong way._ He glared, opening his mouth as he finally regained some control over his thoughts-

"Hey, Dave! It's good to see you."

_Holy fuck what had happened to his voice?_

The higher, girly tone Dave recognised was completely gone, and in its place was a deep, glossy baritone that sent a frisson racing down his spine. He blinked, and John laughed, and fuck, it wasn't a giggle, it was this low, attractive chuckle that made his stomach flip and his mouth go dry.

He couldn't find words, so he just nodded awkwardly, flashing John a nervous smile. John grinned back, and then before Dave could react he had swept down to him, one larger hand on his pale cheek as he pushed their lips rapidly together.

_Augh holy fuck he wasn't going to be able to fucking walk for hours._

John straightened, sliding his hands into the pockets on his dark jeans as his smile drifted towards an amused smirk. "...Missed you, stupid."

"Yeah, I... I missed you too." Dave replied blankly, leaving John grinning. "Uh. You've... changed."

"Ha ha! Yeah, I guess I have." John scratched at the soft hair on the back of his neck, shrugging. "I hope it's for the better!"

Dave looked him up and down, all tall and broad and fucking handsome, and made a slight strangled noise in the back of his throat as he cursed his tight fucking jeans. John raised an eyebrow, and Dave flushed and kicked his shin, and thanked fuck he had his shades to hide his still constantly exploring, eager gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH NO HE'S HOT
> 
> woop


	92. ==> Karkat: Start A Memo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat just wants someone to talk to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one was late from my schedule - I love that some of you guys wait for these updates bless your souls. It's a memo. I hope it's obvious why it took a while.
> 
> In this chapter Karkat stars as the voice of the commenters!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 14:32pm opened memo on board Chainsaw Lipstick Fashion Limited.

CG: HEY.   
CG: IS ANYONE ACTUALLY AROUND OR AM I JUST SHOUTING INTO FUCKING EMPTY SPACE?   
twinArmageddons [TA] at 14:35pm responded to memo.   
TA: hey kk   
TA: goiing two 2ee aa 2oon but iim here for now   
CG: YOUR STATUS SAYS YOU'RE PLAYING A FUCKING COMPUTER GAME, ASSHOLE.   
TA: 2o what   
TA: ii can multiita2k   
CG: OF COURSE YOU FUCKING CAN.   
CG: I GUESS I JUST WANTED COMPANY NOW I'VE BEEN LEFT ALONE BY EVERY DIPSHIT I'M HAVING TO SHARE MY HOLIDAYS WITH.   
CG: AND KANAYA IS OFF MAKING OUT WITH HER GIRLFRIEND OR SOME SHIT SO I DON'T EVEN GET TO MEET HER YET.   
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 14:46pm responded to memo.   
GA: Karkat I Am Unpacking I Will Be Down To Meet You Shortly.   
GA: I Was Actually Unaware You Had Arrived.   
GA: Good Afternoon Sollux. I Hope You And Mituna Are Well.   
TA: hii2 new nur2e ii2 here twoday   
TA: 2ome giirl named latula   
TA: 2he keep2 calliing hiim her liittle dandeliion and he wont 2top giiggliing at her   
TA: iit2 kiind of nau2eatiing but at lea2t ii get two go out with aa for the fiir2t tiime iin forever   
GA: That Is Good News. You Need To Have Your Own Space.   
GA: Has Your New Medication Been Helping With Your Own Condition? I Forgot To Ask When We Last Spoke As I Was Distracted By Imminently Seeing Rose Again.   
TA: ii gue22 iive ju2t been feeliing 0kay wiith everythiing and that2 an iimprovement from my mood 2wiing2   
TA: ii dont know though   
TA: 2ome day2 iit ju2t leave2 me feeliing dead iin2iide   
CG: IF YOU NEED TO TALK I'M ALWAYS ONLINE, JUST FUCKING MESSAGE ME, SOL. I'M NOT A SHITTING PSYCHIC BUT I WANT TO HELP YOU.   
GA: I Am Also Always Present To Discuss Your Concerns Sollux.   
TA: thank2 but iim pretty 0kay wiith iit   
TA: and ii have aa   
TA: iill remember the offer iif ii ever want two moan at you guy2 though   
CG: YOU FUCKING BETTER DO.   
GA: Moving On Karkat. How Are You Finding What Parts Of Our Company You Have Met So Far?   
CG: EVERYONE IS A FUCKING MESS OF RELATIONSHIP ISSUES AND EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS AND I WANT TO SLAP THEM ALL UNTIL THEY SNAP OUT OF IT AND GROW THE FUCK UP.   
CG: IT'S A LOAD OF BULLSHIT AND I WANT TO FIX IT BEFORE IT ROPES US IN AS WELL AND WE GET LOST UNDER A SLURRY OF FUCKED UP ROMANTIC TENSION VOMIT.   
TA: iit cant be that bad kk   
CG: SOLLUX, PLEASE. JUST LET ME EXPLAIN THIS MESS OF A GROUP I HAVE SOMEHOW BECOME A FUCKING PART OF AND WE'LL SEE HOW BAD YOU THINK IT IS.   
TA: uh no iit2 cool you dont have two   
CG: LET ME START WITH JOHN.   
TA: 2iigh   
CG: JOHN IS OBNOXIOUSLY LIKEABLE, AND NOW THANKS TO HIS FUCKING GENETICS HE IS ALSO OBNOXIOUSLY GOOD LOOKING. I DATED HIM FOR LIKE TWO MONTHS AND THEY WERE FUCKING GREAT EXCEPT WE WERE BOTH FUCKING IDIOTS AND NEVER SHOULD HAVE GONE OUT. I DATED HIM, WE BROKE UP, WE GOT OVER IT AND ARE GREAT FRIENDS.   
GA: That Hardly Sounds Like A Mess Karkat.   
CG: GIVE ME A FUCKING SECOND.   
CG: JOHN IS IN LOVE WITH A DOUCHEBAG NAMED BRO, BRO LIKES HIM BACK, SO THAT'S GREAT! EXCEPT NO, NOTHING CAN EVER BE THAT SIMPLE, SO THEIR MESS OF A RELATIONSHIP IS ON HOLD FOR SEVERAL YEARS AND JOHN HAS BEEN TOLD TO SLUT IT UP IN THE MEAN TIME LIKE THAT WILL GIVE HIM VALUABLE LIFE EXPERIENCE BEYOND HOW BEST TO SUCK A COCK. THEY'VE BOTH DATED AT LEAST ONE PERSON JUST TO FUCKING GET OVER EACH OTHER AND FAILED SPECTACULARLY AT IT AND ARE NOW JUST BACHELORS WHO HAPPEN TO BE FUCKING DATING EACH OTHER SO NOT ACTUALLY BACHELORS AT ALL.   
CG: AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH JOHN'S BEST FRIEND, WHO IS ALSO A MASSIVE FUCKING VAPID PILE OF SHIT AND IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN AMAZING GIRL ALREADY, IS CLEARLY HEAD OVER FUCKING HEELS FOR HIM AND JOHN CLEARLY LIKES THE ASSHOLE BACK FOR SOME INANE REASON, AND RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE THIS THEY ARE ALL FUCKING OVER EACH OTHER AND DECLARING IT'S TOTALLY FUCKING PLATONIC, WHICH IT ISN'T.   
CG: SAID BEST FRIEND IS ALSO THE MUCH YOUNGER BROTHER OF BRO, THE PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED NOT-BOYFRIEND OF JOHN, AND IS DOING THIS IN FRONT OF THAT SHITTING AMAZING GIRLFRIEND I SAID HE FUCKING HAS, WHO HE STILL VERBALLY LASHED AT ME FOR FUCKING SMILING AT.   
GA: Oh You Mean David And Terezi? I Am Interested In Their Opinions. Rose Gave Me Their Handles Give Me A Moment To Invite Them.   
CG: WHAT??? NO, DON'T DO THAT!   
turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:05pm responded to memo.   
CG: FUCK.   
TG: sup karkles   
TG: roses sexy french gf   
TG: weird guy who says two a lot   
TG: holy shit wall of text let me catch up this shit looks golden   
CG: PLEASE DON'T.   
TG: karkles are you seriously ranting at your friends about john   
TG: is that whats happening here   
CG: NO.   
TA: ye2   
TG: holy fuck im crying   
TG: i cant believe this is actually a thing you do   
TG: hey one sec   
ectoBiologist [EB] at 15:12pm responded to memo.   
EB: um   
CG banned EB from responding to memo.   
CG: FUCK NO STRIDER YOU DUMB FUCKING CUNT!   
CG: YOU STUPID ASSLICKING WINDBAG WHY THE FUCK WOULD THAT BE A GOOD IDEA??   
TG: calm your tits dude   
TG: its cool   
TG: john can just read on my screen   
CG: I'M GOING TO COME OVER THERE AND CUT YOUR FUCKING DICK OFF I SWEAR TO GOD!   
TG: hahahahahaha   
CG banned TG from responding to memo.   
TA: iim 2o confu2ed   
gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 15:21pm responded to memo.   
GC: H3Y R4NDOM P3OPL3!   
GC: D4V3 S4YS 1 SHOULD T4LK TO YOU 4LL 4ND H3'S L4UGH1NG R34LLY H4RD SO 1 GU3SS 1 SHOULD DO TH4T 4ND 1NV3ST1G4T3 WH4T YOU D1D TO BR34K MY CH3RRY COOLK1D >:]   
TA: okay ii cant even read that one holy 2hiit   
TA: what ii2 even happeniing to thii2 conver2atiion   
GA: Sollux Do You Wish To Escape? I Would Not Fault You For Leaving.   
TA: fuck ye2   
TA: 2orry kk you go on rambliing but ii have a date wiith aa   
TA: oh and miitt 2ay2 hii   
TA: well no he 2ort of fuckiing 2creeched iit   
TA: but you get the poiint   
TA: later guy2   
TA ceased responding to memo.   
GC: OH NO 1 SC4R3D M1ST3R TWO 4W4Y >:O   
GA: Do Not Worry Sollux Was Leaving Anyway Was He Not Karkat?   
GA: Karkat?   
CG: OH MY GOD.   
CG: LEET GIRL?   
GC: >:O   
GC: SHOUTY GUY!   
GA: You Know Each Other?   
CG: WE USED TO TALK ON A FORUM ABOUT ASTRONOMY AND SHIT A WHILE AGO. NOTHING IMPORTANT. HOLY SHIT, THOUGH, YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE I FUCKING EXPECTED.   
CG: WAIT, FUCK, NO, STRIDER WAS THE GUY YOU LIKED? FUCK MY LIFE.   
GC: WH4T'S WRONG W1TH D4V3?   
CG: HE'S A FUCKING ASSHOLE, THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM!   
CG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE RIGHT NOW AS I SPEAK TO YOU HE IS SITTING ON JOHN'S LAP WITH HANDS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE.   
CG: CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS?   
GC: OH NO 1 C4N S33 1T   
GC: 1T'S R34LLY HOT >;]   
CG: OH MY GOD.   
GC: M4YB3 1 C4N G3T 1N ON TH4T 4CT1ON! TH3 ONLY TH1NG B3TT3R TH4N ON3 HOT B1TCH 1S TWO HOT B1TCH3S.   
CG: HOLY SHIT.   
GC: 4ND D4V3 WOULD TOT4LLY T4K3 1T BOTH W4YS >:]   
CG: NO NO NO NO! I DID NOT WANT THAT FUCKING IMAGE IN MY HEAD FUCKING SHIT!   
GC: H3H3H3 >;]   
CG: ALL OF YOU PEOPLE ARE INSANE. THIS ENTIRE MESS IS.   
GC: WH4T M3SS?   
CG: WHAT MESS? SERIOUSLY?   
CG: LET ME GIVE YOU THE FUCKING SHORT VERSION.   
CG: YOU LIKE STRIDER AND APPARENTLY JOHN WHO ARE REALLY INTO EACH FUCKING OTHER BUT JOHN ALSO LIKES BRO AND HE USED TO DATE ME WHO ALSO LIKES SOMEONE ELSE EVEN THOUGH I FUCKING SHOULDN'T DO. BRO MEANWHILE FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN LIKES JOHN AND ALSO DATED THE AUSTRALIAN GUY CURRENTLY RAIDING THE DRINKS CABINETS, BUT ACTUALLY THE PROBLEM THERE IS MOM (THAT IS NOT HER FUCKING NAME BUT NO ONE WILL TELL ME IT) REALLY FUCKING OBVIOUSLY LOVES BRO BUT IS ALSO WITH DAD (I GIVE UP HOLY SHIT) WHO LIKES HER BUT ALSO SPENDS WAY TOO MUCH TIME LOOKING AT THE DOUCHEBAG WITH THE ANIME SHADES. MEANWHILE KANAYA AND HER GIRLFRIEND ARE OFF ON THEIR OWN ON THE BLISSFUL LESBIAN ISLAND OF NOT GIVING A FUCK, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF JADE CAN FEEL ANYTHING BEYOND MANIC GLEE SO FUCK ONLY KNOWS WHERE SHE FITS IN.   
CG: WHEN MORE PEOPLE ARRIVE THAT FUCKING WEB WILL GAIN MORE THREADS AND MORE KNOTS, AND I'M LOOKING FOR A SOLUTION HERE BUT I'M PRETTY FUCKING SURE EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE IS JUST GOING TO HAVE TO GET FUCKING GROUP MARRIED AT THIS RATE, FUCKING HELL.   
GA: Even Those Of Us On Lesbian Island?   
CG: WHY THE FUCK NOT? GET IN ON THIS FUCKING RIDICULOUS ACTION, EVERYONE ELSE IS.   
GA: I Would Like To Design The Outfits For Our Group Wedding. I Need To Find My Sketchbook.   
GC: DON'T FORG3T TO PUT MY BR1D3 1N 4 B34UT1FUL DR3SS!   
GC: SHOUTY GUY TH1S 1S 4 GR34T 1D34! >:]   
CG: FUCK BOTH OF YOU, YOU'RE NOT EVEN GETTING THE FUCKING POINT.   
GA: Karkat I Can See Your Point But You Cannot Magically Fix Everyones Problems. Sometimes You Must Leave Them Be.   
CG: ...AND THAT'S COMING FROM YOU.   
GA: Mediating Arguments Is Different From Attempting To Fix Relationships.   
CG: IS IT, THOUGH? MAYBE HATE IS JUST ANOTHER FUCKING FORM OF LOVE, IN THE END.   
GC: H4T3 S3X SOUNDS FUN >:]   
CG: FUCK NO DON'T GET DISTRACTED I HAD A FUCKING POINT TO MAKE!   
GA: All Of This Had A Point?   
CG: YES!   
CG: IT   
CG: RABBIT.   
GA: Ah Yes. Rabbit. Everything Makes Sense Now.   
CG: NO HOLY FUCK THERE'S A METAL FUCKING RABBIT PULLING BOTTLES OUT OF THE DRINKS CABINET AND THE AUSTRALIAN GUY IS JUST CASUALLY WATCHING IT LIKE THAT'S FUCKING NORMAL!   
CG: THERE IS A TINY FUCKING ROBOT RABBIT THING MOVING AROUND.   
CG: A FUCKING ROBOT RABBIT.   
GC: OH YOU M34N S3B?   
CG: WELL IF SEB IS A SHITTING METAL RABBIT THEN YES, I GUESS I FUCKING WELL MEAN SEB!   
GC: Y3S H3 1S! D1RK BU1LT H1M FOR FUN   
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS DIRK?   
GC: D4V3'S N3PH3W WHO 1S 4LSO 4 ROBOT, DUH!   
CG: HA HA HA. OF COURSE.   
CG: YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT BULLSHIT?   
CG: THE METAL RABBIT WAS ONE THING BUT YEAH, NO, DAVE DOES NOT HAVE A ROBOT NEPHEW AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU EVEN THOUGHT I'D FALL FOR THAT.   
GC: YOU R3FUT3 MY T3ST1MONY? W3LL TH3N G1V3 M3 4 MOM3NT TO C4LL MY F1RST W1TN3SS!   
CG: CAN I PROPOSE THE FUCKING COURT FIND YOU GUILTY OF BEING INSANE?   
GC: W3 W1LL S33 WH4T TH3 JUDG3 H4S TO S4Y FOLLOW1NG TH3 SHOCK1NG R3V3L4T1ON 1 4M 4BOUT TO R3V34L!   
CG: OH GOOD IT'S SOMEONE IN A PULLOVER. TRULY, I SEE THE FUCKING LIGHT.   
GC: L3T H1M PUT H1S HOOD DOWN!   
CG: HOLY FUCK HE HAS MAKEUP ON SO WHAT?   
GC: TH3 W1TN3SS W1LL NOW ALLOW TH3 PROS3CUT1ON TO EX4M1N3 H1M.   
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ACTING LIKE I'D BELIEVE HE'S REALLY   
CG: OH MY GOD   
CG: HOLY SHIT HE CAN   
CG: IT'S ALL FUCKING WIRES AND   
CG: FUCK   
GA: Karkat?   
CG ceased responding to memo.   
GA: What Just Happened?   
GC: W3LL ON 4CCOUNT OF TH3 PROS3CUT1ON SCR34M1NG L1K3 4 B4BY 4ND FL331NG TH3 COURT   
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T'S S4F3 TO S4Y TH4T TH3 C4S3 W4S D1SM1SS3D >;]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I close my eyes all I see are span tags ;-;
> 
> So uh. There may be a little Hammertime next. Or a lot of it.
> 
> You know.
> 
> Yeah.


	93. ==> [S] Dave: Chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't even know what they are any more.
> 
> **SMUT**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship, this is all for you ~ x
> 
> Hammertime shippers, I have put you through so much shit, I'm glad we're finally at the place in their plot you'll all stop hating me.

"Dave, come on, seriously dude. My drink is right there, I can't fucking reach it with your dumb ass on my lap."

"Your drink is whiskey that you stole from Mom so I'm sitting here for your own fucking good, man."

"Hey, fuck you, I can handle it."

"No, you can't. John you've had like two and a half and you're already fucking slurring."

"'Cause you'd do so much better."

"Of course I fucking would, holy shit. I've been stealing Bro's drinks since I was ten."

John snorted down at him, and Dave pointedly leant over to swipe the glass, downing it in one go. His friend groaned, jabbing his ribs.

"Fucking douchebag, that was mine."

"Oh wow, you've been chilling with Karkat way too long, John, go rinse that mouth out with soap."

"I'm fifteen and a half I can fucking swear if I want, Dave."

"Well I'm sixteen and your elder and telling you to watch that tongue around sensitive ears, yo. I'll be blushing like a fucking virgin with such foul language being slung about."

"Whatever. You still stole my drink."

John finally managed to push him off, and Dave rolled sideways onto the bed, waving the glass triumphantly. When Karkat had freaked out and started screaming about Dirk, they had decided to abscond rather than listen to him rambling, as Jade had already stormed over and started shaking him to try and and calm him down. John's room was closer so they ended up there, at which point he produced the swiped bottle and laughed off Dave telling him drinking it as a teetotaller was a _really bad idea._

"Thought you said it was burning your throat."

"It was, I guess? But it got better. And I'm totally not drunk or anything so ha! You were wrong."

He slurred it and blinked rapidly several times, and Dave looked flatly at him above his shades, raising an eyebrow. John took a moment to process the silent retort, then stuck up his middle finger, still jarring on a guy Dave had known to previously be pretty averse to swearing.

"Fuck you."

"Oh, would you?" Dave fluttered his eyelashes, and John gave a booming laugh, in that lovely deep voice that was silky smooth and heaven to listen to, even when it was messed up by drink. "Take me, Senpai, my body is ready."

"Don't tempt me."

The smile on Dave's face stuck a little. That... had not sounded like a joke. It was still said with a grin but there was a huskiness to it, and he shifted on the bed to sit with his legs pointed down towards where John had now stood, resting back on his elbows.

"How's shit been going, with the whole dating thing?"

"I've met some cute guys. Jade usually scares them off." John laughed, and it was back to being light and easy, the brief tension passed. "Seriously, anytime I bring anyone home she has a million questions and no social awareness and there they go, fleeing right out the door. The only guy I've had round more than once is Kar, and that ship's so sunk it puts the Titanic to shame."

"So you haven't really done anything?"

"Didn't say that. Kar's hot and single and so am I, apparently." Apparently. Like he didn't fucking _know_ it was true. "We still mess around sometimes."

"Lucky him."

"Plus you helped with that stuff, anyway."

Dave blinked blankly at him, non-comprehending, and John snickered. "You know when I left yours, you gave me that dumb present? And I screamed at you for ages when I got home and found it?"

"What, the fucking smuppet? Yeah, that was classic. My favourite bit was when your Dad found it and didn't get why you were freaking out."

"Dude every time he makes my bed he puts it on my fucking pillow like its a teddy bear."

"Holy shit, Dadbert."

"But I guess I need to thank you for it. I mean. Those things are alright once you get the hang of them."

_Oh hell no._

"John, do not say you have ever used that fucking thing, oh my God."

"Dave. Little secret. I'm a horny gay teenage guy and you gave me my one and only sex toy. Do the math."

"I am doing the fucking math and my mental calculator is coming up with a fucking error."

"Sorry, dude, I thought you had a higher tolerance than that. The way you fucking scream with Rez made me think you could deal with sex stuff."

"I can deal with all kinds of fucking kinky shit, but I draw the line at _puppets_. Wow, Egbert, Bro will be fucking proud of you."

John's smile dimmed, and he blinked again, blue gaze turning to sweep the floor. Dave waited, watching the tips of his ears turn red before John mumbled, "...Do you really think so?"

Way to go, Dave. Remind him of the fucking elusive asshole he was dating without dating and who was clearly fucking avoiding him. He mentally slapped himself.

"Fuck, I dunno. Maybe? Does it matter?"

"I miss him." John continued, in a small voice, and Dave raised a hand to rub irritatedly at his eyes. Great, drunken feelings jam about the massive boner John harboured for his brother. Just what he'd fucking wanted.

"Yeah, well he fucking misses you, too. Moping around the fucking place like his life is ending, Cal all draped around his shoulders to keep him company. Holy shit it's been pathetic, okay? I mean, yeah, I feel bad for him, but he's thirty two-"

"-thirty-three-"

"-and he should be able to deal with it better than this. Do you know what he did? He made a fucking smuppet that looks like you. He keeps it in his fucking bed."

"Heh... really?"

"Yes, really! It's fucking disturbing!"

"It's kinda cute."

Dave slapped a hand over his face and groaned. Well, Bro and John certainly operated on the same fucked up mental wavelength.

"It's not cute. There's a hundred fucking things in the world cuter than that shit, John. You clearly don't know the meaning of the fucking word."

"Well I think you're cute."

_Augh._ Once more, he suffered a sudden emotional whiplash, from being weirded out to being a fucking hopeful idiot in one sentence. John chuckled at him, and he shifted, fidgeted, memory drifting to parting kisses and the awkward heart-to-heart that had followed them when Rez came online later that day.

"I missed you, Dave." He'd said it before but it was _totally_ different now, soft and low, John standing by his feet and giving him a lopsided smile. "Did you miss me?"

Who the fuck had been giving him lessons in making Dave Strider melt, because holy fuck, for a guy who'd been fumbling and floundering so much last time they met, this asshole was suddenly smooth as Dadbert's fucking head. Dave nodded, silently, heart pounding as John moved back onto the bed, but over him, shifting forward on all fours until their faces were close together and Dave couldn't remember how to speak.

"We still gonna do this shit?" He forced out eventually, as the strong smell of alcohol on John's breath snapped him back to reality. "Thought you and Bro were pretty much a fucking thing."

"He told me to go out and explore."

"Exploring and being a slut are different things, bro."

"Yeah and this is the first one. You're the one who started it."

"What, by fucking pecking you on the lips last year? Hey, that last one, that fucking heavy one? That was _you_."

"I know. Didn't you like it?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then why are you still complaining?"

Dave gripped the sheets hard as John leant down and kissed his tightly shut lips, tongue tracing over them to try and coax them open. Maybe he did want this, sure, but not when John was drunk! He didn't want him to do anything he'd regret.

"John, no." He muttered the next time the taller boy paused. "Fuck, man, not like this. You ain't thinking straight."

"I'm _fine_ , Dave."

"Say that again without a slur and I'll believe you."

John laughed, then leant down to his ear, curling his tongue around the shape of it and nibbling at the lobe as Dave shuddered from the sensation. John moved up, nuzzling, before in a breathy murmur than shot right down to his dick he asked, "Don't you want it?"

"I..." John trailed down the side of his face and started planting wet, hot kisses down his trembling neck. "Holy shit, _John._ Why the fuck are you even doing this?"

"Horny gay teenage guy." John repeated, with a slight hum to his words. "Hot best friend. Is your calculator fixed yet?"

"John I think you made it fucking explode."

"There's other parts of you I could make explode."

_Holy shit._

He wanted to laugh at how terrible that had been, but all of his thoughts were tripping over one another as John suddenly sat up and shrugged his jacket off, before pulling his tight shirt up over his head. Dave stared at his toned chest and remembered when this kid had been small and short and overweight, not knowing where the fuck all of that had gone. The guy in front of him was certainly none of those things, and he leant back down with a hand flat to the bed beside Dave's head, giving him a drunken attempt at a seductive smile that was _fucking working._

Dave fidgeted for a second longer, then rolled his eyes at him, pulling off his shades and placing them delicately up on the pillows. He struggled out of his shirt and John helped him, tossing it somewhere across the room, then tan fingers were tracing across all his freckles and John had this weird fond smile on his face that Dave was starting to get too hot to care about.

"John, I'm not a fucking dot-to-dot, come _on_."

"Always complaining."

"John, I fucking swear to God-"

Dave's words cut off into a gasp as John's head darted down and he swirled his tongue over one of his already firm nipples, rubbing across it before he sucked it up to a gentle nibble. Okay, wow, yes, that was John's mouth on his chest. This was a thing that was happening.

John's back was arched, and Dave ran a hand across it, his best friend's skin hot and slight fuzzy to the touch. He released Dave's skin with a soft smack, messily kissing back up to his neck, and Dave hissed with pleasure as he felt him start taking biting sucks across his skin, nibbling at his pulse point and setting his nerves alight.

"...Ah, shit!" Dave arched under him, jeans _way_ too fucking tight. "John, what the fuck you wanna do, man?"

He was pretty sure right now he would've agreed to anything, but he had no idea how far John had gone before, and even through the haze he didn't want to push him. John paused, panting against his skin, breath warm and tingling across him.

"Would you go down on me?" John asked thoughtfully, and Dave choked softly, thrown by the blunt way he just _said_ it. "Like, just this once?"

"John are you telling me to suck your dick."

"Uh, yeah! I always wondered what it would feel like. Are you saying no?"

Dave ran his tongue quickly over his suddenly dry lips. "Hell n-no, I didn't say I wouldn't."

"So are you saying yes?"

John's belt jangled as he undid it, and Dave shivered, looking up at John's hopeful blue eyes as the boy pushed himself up to look down at him.

"Fuck, yeah. I guess I am."

John fucking _groaned_ at that, and it made Dave's heart beat quicker, his own, pale fingers rising to help John grope his jeans and briefs down. Any sort of rational thinking was gone, and Dave hooked hands behind his knees, tugging John to shuffle forward until his dick was over Dave's face.

"Dude, does this angle even work?"

"Egbert one of us has sucked more dick than the other, shut up and let the master show off his skills."

"You have a girlfriend, though."

"Yeah and my girlfriend has a fucking plastic cock she rams up my ass. Now can you shut up, I'm trying to admire your fucking penis."

John snorted and chuckled quietly, but Dave had been telling the truth, and focused on the nearly fully hard shaft above his face. John wasn't huge but he wasn't small either, and Dave had a sneaking, annoying suspicion he was probably the bigger of the pair of them. He was hard enough to twitch as pale fingers closed around the base, his whole length a darker tan than the rest of him, flushed at his partially exposed head. It had been a while since he'd actually held a dick that wasn't teal, so the warmth and pulse below his touch was welcome, and fucking hot.

Well then. John's dick. His mouth. Time to make it happen.

Wait.

"Hey, one second, dude."

John groaned and audibly strummed his fingers on the bed as Dave patted down his pockets, pulling out the cherry Chapstick Rez had bought him ages ago and applying it as John gave him a disbelieving look.

"Seriously?"

"The Hammer will thank me. Just shut up and relax, asshole."

He did a quick job of preparing his lips, ignoring the quiet complaints, shoving the tube back into his pocket before taking hold of John's hips and shifting them so it was actually positioned towards his mouth. John muttered and shifted above him, bed creaking beneath his elbows where he was propping himself up, and the position he was actually in abruptly hit Dave full force, a soft mumble of confusion leaving him.

This felt so weird. Not _wrong_ , just _weird_. It was all the things he'd wanted and convinced himself he'd never get, but here he was, _getting them_ , and that was really fucking strange.

This might be the only chance he got to do this. He had to fucking get it right.

He fit one hand to the shape of John's hip bone, digging in his fingers to hold him steady, his other hand trailing up John's sides to return the favour and trace light shapes across his chest. John gave a shallow breath, then laughed, but his voice died as soon as Dave nuzzled up and then kissed at the base of his shaft, sucking softly before letting go and moving up to kiss again. It twitched against his lips, so he let it, opening them wider and running his tongue across the skin between them, feeling John shudder gently at the sensation.

He dropped back down and John panted, choking when Dave ran his tongue down further than his base and flattened it over the soft skin of his sac, curling it around the shape and then sucking gently. John made a surprised sound, and then gave a wavering moan, gasping when Dave let it go and moved back to wetly lapping his way up the underside of his dick, trying to make noises like he knew Rez liked in the hope they had they same effect on John.

Apparently they did, because every loud smack of his lips was getting a subtle throb in response, and by the time he reached the head John was groaning quietly, chest shaking as Dave's trailing fingers found his nipple and twisted it beneath a steady pressure. John's hips bucked, so Dave held them firmer, leisurely licking at his frenulum and feeling the taller boy shudder in response.

"D-Dave, holy fuck." John slurred, and Dave swallowed, before swiping his tongue down over his slit and lapping up the pre already beading on it, sucking it into his mouth and then following the glistening trail that was left from his lips to the head. He kissed it, once, before covering his teeth with his lips, rolling his eyes up to look at John as he enveloped it in his mouth and his tongue and nose filled with a mix of strong, earthy tastes.

John moaned, hips trying to rut forward again, but Dave had expected it, holding him steady as he sucked on the head, tongue lapping up what precum was gathering at the slit before he pushed his head forward a little, then pulled back, starting to bob and taking slightly more each time he did.

John was thick in his mouth and he pressed his tongue up against his hot skin, twitching with each swallow Dave gave around it. He was breathing heavily through his nose, enjoying the taste of an actual dick more than vile, sugary flavoured lube, and each swallow was wetter with a mix of saliva and thicker fluid, sucking John further into his mouth.

"Uuuh." John managed, as Dave's hand slipped down his chest and around his hip to squeeze firmly at his ass. It was firm, the muscles tight, so he used it to help make John thrust at the speed he wanted him to, suppressing his gag reflex as best his practise allowed as John began getting a _lot_ deeper. The pace was picking up, and Dave focused on how it felt, filling his lips and mouth with rocking heat, skin catching on his tongue as it moved and leaving them both groaning. When he made a sound, it vibrated up into John, and always got a louder one in return. He was pretty sure John couldn't speak. Even when Dave's hands dropped to fumble his own jeans open and wrap around his aching dick, John just gave a small, thoughtless noise.

He was already fucking close, and every sound John made was pushing him closer, along with the taste in his mouth growing stronger as John started to shake. He was going to make him finish in his mouth and _damn_ if that wasn't the sexiest fucking thing in the world. His own tight pumps grew out of pace and erratic, and he let loose a long moan that John rapidly silenced with a desperate thrust as deep as he could go. He was really getting into it now, and that was hot, and Dave was glad he'd had experience with Rez because holy fuck, he'd be choking otherwise.

He bent up his legs as he thrust into his own hand, his free fingers reaching down to cup his sac and toy with it to push himself forward. His mind was growing hazy and his body was growing hot, every sensation more vivid, from the tight grip of his fingers to the rough thrusts of John's dick, all building and overloading in his brain until he hit a high, and it all spilled out of him in several long bursts, his eyes rolling back into his head as his hand unsteadily pumped him through his finish.

John grunted over him, slamming hard, and he choked and tried to stay steady as his mind fell back from a daze, the rising moans escaping the taller boy telling him John couldn't be far. The pleasant buzz of his afterglow was enough to keep him enjoying the rutting against his lips, and as John started rambling nonsensical things he wiped his hands off on his jeans, then gripped his hips, eagerly helping him keep a quick pace.

"A-Ah-!" John choked on a breath, slamming and shaking as Dave felt him shoot ribbons into his throat. "-Bro-!"

And there was reality, dragging him out of his blissful haze as he shoved John up and out of his mouth, swallowing because there wasn't much else he could do.

Fuck this shit. He was so done.

"I can't believe you!" Dave muttered at him, wiping his mouth on the back of his arm. "Son of a bitch."

"W-What? What did I do?" John blinked at him in confusion, and Dave grabbed his shades, pushing them on before he looked for his top."Dave-!"

"Yes, you stupid fuck, my name is _Dave._ Not _Bro._ "

"Oh fuck, Dave, I'm sorry, I-"

"Whatever. It was actually pretty fucking great until that spectacular fuck-up at the end." He bundled his top up and wiped his stomach clean, throwing it frustratedly at John. "I just guess I forgot I'm not your Strider of choice. Ugh. And Rez is going to be so mad at me when I fucking tell her about this."

"You're going to _tell_ her?"

"Yeah, I'm going to tell her, I'm not hot for the whole forbidden relationship thing like you are. She knows I like you, she told me she's cool with it."

"So why will she be mad?"

Dave snorted, and slumped back onto the bed, quietly accepting when John opened his arms for hugs. He was angry, a little, but satisfaction overrode it, and he cuddled him tightly as they lay together, not entirely sure what they were, to each other, but pretty sure it was at least friends with some pretty sweet benefits.

"She'll be mad because she told me she wanted to join in."

The sound John made was the greatest thing in the world. Dave laughed so hard he was practically crying, even when John begged him to say that it was a joke, and shoved him in the stomach when he refused to reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers: SHE WASN'T KIDDING >;]


	94. ==> John: Regret It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for John being an idiot! Yay for feeling jams!

Dave looked kind of like Bro.

He woke up with the thought in his head, and it wouldn't shift, no matter how hard he tried to force it away. It was late. The house was quiet, the sky outside was black, and he was lying in bed naked except for his socks, the warm weight of the coolkid curled against his side.

John looked down at him, squinting through the blur of short-sightedness, and the thought was back again. Dave looked like Bro, and all the time he'd been drunkenly enjoying himself he'd been thinking it, whether or not he wanted to. From tracing his freckles to kissing his lips, his mind had been elsewhere, for all he talked a good show to suggest the contrary. He'd actually managed to keep it bottled up and hidden, right up until the one moment he lost grip of everything and it tumbled out of his mouth.

He was terrible. Dave actually _cared_ about him, even though he still only really thought of him as a friend, and he felt like he'd sort of used him to deal with how frustrated he was that Bro was avoiding him. That his _boyfriend_ was avoiding him. Ugh. Dave had been right! John had been drunk and it had been a terrible idea! What if Terezi was really angry because John had talked Dave into cheating on her? What if Dave was really upset with him because he'd said the wrong thing? What if Bro was mad because being with Dave was crossing a line?

John sighed and wriggled out from under Dave, massaging his shut eyes with the balls of his hands as he sat on the edge of the bed. Wow, his head hurt. Everything hurt. He ached and felt sort of queasy, and he couldn't tell what was drink and what was just the worry coursing through him. It all mixed into something vile. John fished some painkillers out of his bag, popping them into his hand and rolling them around his palm as he considered what to do now. He certainly didn't feel like sleeping.

In the end he resolved to go get a drink from the kitchen, which was more an excuse for a walk than anything else. Walking had become a comfort thing for him, now. When he got agitated at home, he would just wander off down the streets of his neighbourhood, in sunlight or in the gentle glow of the street lamps late at night. It was time alone, to think, and in a house where Jade never really stayed quiet and Dad always seemed to be lurking at his shoulder, that was a luxury he savoured every second of.

So he walked. The corridors were quiet, and seemed smaller than he remembered them. He guessed he was just bigger, and that made him laugh to himself, because even just a year ago felt a lifetime away now, and looked it too, in the photos of him taken then. It was strange. So much had happened between and so much had changed. He kind of missed the days his main worry in life was whether or not he had a crush.

When he reached the main lounge, he paused in his step, a lamp still on beside one of the couches. There was a beat before Terezi pulled herself up to look at him, and dislodged Karkat where his head was on her shoulder, leaving him grumbling as John gave a weak wave.

"Hey." She called over, stifling a yawn.

"Uh, it's like, super late. Didn't you guys go to bed?"

"I told Dave I'd wait here for him, 'cause we're sort of sharing a room. Karkles offered to keep me company when it became pretty clear he wasn't coming back any time soon."

She had waited for Dave. Oh wow, he was such a stupid asshole.

He felt so guilty, and fidgeted as she continued to stare at him. The least he could do was actually just tell her the truth.

"Terezi, um, I'm really sorry, Dave and me-"

"It's okay, I already know. He texted me a few hours ago." She waved her phone at him, and John broke off, confused. Dave had... meant that? That he would tell her? "It sounded hot. He said you're a stupid asshole who was clearly thinking about someone else, though."

"Wow, he can join the fucking club of people who've had that shitting mess of an experience." Karkat said quietly.

Hot shame flooded his face and John looked down, rubbing the back of his neck as he turned to go. He didn't want this right now. He already felt terrible enough!

"Hey Mister Blueberry." Terezi called, the moment he took his first step. "Come and sit with us. We want to talk to you."

John froze, shoulders slumping before he turned around and slunk over to them, hopping into the armchair opposite them and sitting crosslegged with his knees against the arms. Karkat had shuffled a little way from Terezi, but there was still a shared blanket over both of their shoulders, and John could see the slight redness on his round cheeks.

Wow, yeah, Dave would _not_ like that.

"What do you want to talk about?"

" _You_ , Mister Blueberry. Karkles freaked out over Dirk so to help him calm down, I allowed him to provide a statement relating to your complex love affairs. It was most... _revealing._ "

"You calmed down by talking about me." John said flatly to Karkat, who shrugged.

"It was more talking in fucking general and you made a good topic. I could rant all fucking day about your personal circus of relationships."

"It's not a circus!"

"What the fuck just happened with Strider, then?"

John shrugged, uneasy, and Karkat snorted at him, looking to Terezi. She was frowning.

"John, he cares about you a lot."

"...I know."

"He isn't going to stop caring about you."

"Maybe he will, though?"

"If you really think that, you don't know Dave as well as you think you do." Rez tutted, poking at his calf with her cane. "He told me everything, you know. I'm aware he's had a humiliatingly cute crush on you since he was ten, and every time he sees you it gets worse." John blushed, and she grinned at him, wiggling her eyebrows. "I know you guys kiss and I know exactly what happened earlier, right down to you being a dick and sort of screwing it up. He doesn't keep anything from me. He trusts me, and I trust him."

She smiled, slightly, waving her hand airily. "Dave bottles stuff up, John. He hides it behind his façade and it just builds and builds until he can't control it and it all breaks out in big emotional explosions that wreck everyone's shit." Terezi cackled and smiled broadly. "That's why I like tearing his coolkid act to shreds! He lets things out, then, steam escapes. The pressure drops and _bam_!" She cracked the cane sharply on the floor, making him jump as she wiggled her fingers upwards like smoke dissipating, "No more explosion."

"So what's that got to do with the thing with me?"

"He told me about his thing for you. It's not a crush so I won't call it one. He named it, like, friend-love, so lets go with that. He is in friend-love with you, and you know what? That's cool! Because he's in _love_ -love with me. He trusts me enough to _tell me_ about how he feels about you, and about everything you do, and to tell me he'd stop if I told him to." Her expression grew firm, confident, and sincere as she added, "I know he would, John, but I know that's the worst thing I could possibly do to him."

"Why?"

"Because then it would all be forced into the bottle that is Dave's suppressed emotions! If I tell him to stop, he has no way to let out what he feels about you, and then it builds and builds until he cracks and who _knows_ what would happen then?"

Terezi paused thoughtfully, then spread her hands, cane dangling from her wrist, as she continued, "He might start going after you for a real relationship, he might suddenly hate you, he might just do something as small as start telling me to wear dorky glasses in bed, who can tell?" She shrugged her shoulders, before frowning, "But it might be bad, for me and you, maybe, but almost certainly for him. I don't want anything bad for Dave, John. He's my cherry coolkid. I have to look after him."

"But if he's cheating on you-!"

"You're still not getting it, are you? I _told_ him to go and do more with you. That the kisses were okay, and that I didn't mind if you two had _fun_ -" Her eyebrows moved suggestively and he blurted out a nervous laugh. "-together. It's his release valve, John. It's getting it out of his system. He needs that, and _we_ need that, or it would all build up and blow up in our faces."

"Oh. Um. Wow. I thought he was lying when he said you were okay with it! Then again, he did sorta add you wanted to, uh, get involved? And that's obviously a joke."

Terezi cackled at him, flashing him a dazzling smile and a wink. " _Obviously_." She crooned, and John's face went scarlet, a weird gulping noise escaping him. "But yes, I'm okay with it. I encourage it, even."

"You're, uh, pretty fucking open minded."

"John, I know one thing for sure. No matter how much Dave messes around with you, he's always come straight back to me. Sometimes minutes after! Plus I was there when you told him you weren't looking for anything more than friendship with him, remember? I know you're not trying to steal him, because your eyes are already glued to lemony hot stuff!"

"You call Bro lemony hot stuff?"

"Yes."

"... _Okay_ then! Uh. Well, thanks, Terezi. I was kind of really worried about what you'd think and I feel a lot better now." John smiled nervously at her, and she warmly beamed back. "You're pretty cool."

"I am the coolest person in this house, no contest."

"Whoa, no." Karkat interjected, and John jumped as he remembered he was there. " _Dadbert_ is the coolest thing in this house, holy fuck. Have you seen him? The man is fucking incredible."

"Weird, Dave says that too!"

John rolled his eyes, and went to stand so he could finally get his drink, the painkillers still clutched, untaken, in his hand. The moment he moved Karkat's attention snapped to him.

"Hey, cocksucker, sit the fuck back down we're not done yet."

He groaned and slumped back into the seat, folding his arms and pouting, just a little.

"Okay, so whatever shitting mess of a thing you have with Strider, let's put that to one side and just fucking ignore it for now, okay? You have a bigger fucking problem than that hanging over your fucking head."

"And what's that?"

" _That_ , you dipshit, is the fact that your fucking boyfriend is avoiding you and you _aren't doing a fucking thing about it._ "

John blinked at him, then blushed, shrugging lamely. "What am I meant to do? He told me we were, like... on hold, I guess?"

"And you're going to _put up_ with that shit? Seriously? After all the fucking months of complaining at me because you couldn't find the right person to replace him with and you fucking missed the douchebag? You're in the same house as him _right now_ and you're going to let him just slip through your fucking fingers? John, what the actual fuck is wrong with you?"

"But he... he said not until-"

"So _what_? John, you are _in love_ with this fucking idiot, we established that back in fucking March, remember? Love doesn't wait. It's here and now and you have to fucking go with it when it calls because if you fuck it up, you aren't going to get a second shot." Karkat waved his hands in a big gesture, growing impassioned in his rambling, "No matter what he's told you, you have to follow your _heart_ , and if your heart says fuck that shit, then fuck it, and go and get your fucking man! Your fucking boyfriend! You don't have long with him nearby, so make it fucking count, don't waste it boning his little douchier brother and pretending he isn't around."

"Boning Dave is a totally acceptable way to pass the time, though." Terezi insisted, and Karkat sighed over-dramatically.

"Not for John, it isn't. I mean," He looked back at John, who was chewing his lip in quiet thought. "There's a _reason_ you said the wrong fucking name and it's because there's a guy you're obsessed with, and _want_ to be with, and he's here, right now, so why the fuck aren't you all over him? Oh right! Because he told you to put on your best dress and go whore yourself to the world! Well fuck that, John. _Fuck that._ You know what you want and screw what other people say, it's time you manned the fuck up and took it!"

"Yeah." John murmured back, softly.

"It's time you showed him you're not a fucking child, and the experiment fucking failed, you know who you want, and it's still exactly who you thought it was!"

"Yeah!"

"So don't just sit back and let him do this! Go get him, John! Go and fucking get him."

_"Yeah!"_ He leapt to his feet wit a determined expression, practically punching the air, finally worked up enough to actually do what he had wanted to since he arrived. This was it! He would go and tell Bro and this time he'd make sure he believed him! Yes. _Hell yes._

Except... Uh. Um. _Oh._

He deflated, and Karkat slapped his face, but Terezi just cackled.

"John, you're an idiot. He snuck into the kitchen five minutes before you appeared."

The fire was back. He grinned when Karkat gave a relieved sigh, and without a goodbye he rushed past them towards his goal, desperate to reach it before the confidence burning inside of him winked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HEY IS THAT SOME BROJOHN
> 
> Looking forward to the next few chapters so much you don't even know ;v;


	95. ==> Bro: Be Ambushed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's _really_ changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HEY LOOK BRO IS STILL IN THIS STORY
> 
> THAT ISN'T A THING THAT STOPPED BEING TRUE OR ANYTHING
> 
> Warning: angst for tons of later fluff. BUT ANGST RIGHT NOW.

It took him twenty minutes of carefully moving chilled bottles of various alcoholic beverages for him to finally find the simple carton of fucking orange juice Roxy had promised him was there, and when he did, she'd taped a note to it saying put all thm botels bk now bby k ;3. He sighed, looking down at the mess of drinks around his feet, before reluctantly putting the carton down on the countertop and starting to sort the stupid things back into place.

She'd done it on purpose, and that irked him. Probably trying to keep him out of the room as long as possible. He knew she wasn't happy at _all_ with him lurking out of sight, and any time he'd asked her for anything, she'd made it as complex and drawn out as possible. He wanted food? She'd leave it in the dining room, where he had to ninja the fuck about to get it without being seen. He wanted a drink? She buried it behind every other bottle of shit she had. Hell, he wanted to just _talk_? She sat in an armchair in front of absolutely everyone, just _daring_ him to come out.

It was starting to get on his nerves. She _knew_ why he was trying to lay low. Hell, every stupid person in the house did! The one time he had cornered her the day before, she'd reluctantly admitted Dad was pretty happy he hadn't shown his face much. The man had been so worried about him being in the same house as John he'd actually stopped shaving about a month and a half before, complaining to her he was finding it hard to keep his hands steady enough to avoid drawing blood. He had a head of actual, short black hair. Most people _lost_ their hair because of stress, but ever the fucking exception, Dad actually _gained_ it.

Well, Dad would be able to shave again in fucking peace, because Bro had no intention of getting anywhere near-

"Um. Hey, Bro."

_-John?_

"I was hoping you'd still be in here."

He nearly dropped the bottle he was holding, because _holy shit_ that was _not_ what John was meant to sound like. That was all kinds of sexy-deep and adult and hot, and not at all high and childish and like he recalled. The only reason he knew it at all was the familiar accent, and the slight similarity that still echoed through his words. Because fuck, that voice. It was like spoken fucking silk.

He pushed the wine into place and then straightened, shutting the fridge door with a muffled thud and turning his gaze to the boy behind it.

Bro blinked.

Okay, no, the word _boy_ did not apply to the _man_ standing there, not any more.

"John." He said blankly, feeling odd saying it with his head looking down a damn sight less than he was used to. It got a smile in return, and _holy shit_.

That _smile._

It was broad and excited but not childish, not in any way at all. Especially not on a face dusted with stubble and lacking any of the soft roundness he was expecting.

He took a moment just to stare. In place of the baby fat he'd had, John had fairly high cheekbones, and a squared chin, all the rich golden-tan his skin had always been. The shadow across his jaw was dark and rough, but short enough he clearly shaved day-to-day, and it reinforced how much older he looked. Hell, _everything_ about his face seemed less large and youthful, more defined and grown up, and the only things that really still struck the same chord in Bro were his eyes, now with a little feline grace to them, but still bright with that familiar sparkling blue he knew, and loved.

He was tall, broad at his shoulders. Built like a man of strength, not a man of speed. The instruction to work on his hammers had clearly been followed, because that was one hell of a gun show where he'd rolled his sleeves up, his forearms lightly dusted with hair. He was stocky, solid, and anything but muscle was gone from his chest and stomach. The shirt he wore was tight enough Bro could pretty clearly see the shape of him under it.

His eyes naturally dropped to his jeans, and then snapped back up, because _nope_! Bad Bro. No staring at the dick. No wondering if that had grown too.

John was blushing, his smile a little awkward, and Bro cleared his throat. Instantly, the shorter man laughed nervously, the blush deepening.

He looked really different. _Really_ different.

He was still attractive, fuck yes he was, but it was just... in a new way. It felt weird, but a good kind of weird, because even though he wasn't anything like the sort of person Bro usually went for, apparently he was willing to make an exception when it came to John. A big exception. A big, oh-fuck-his-pants-were-tight exception.

"Uh. What do you think?"

"What?" Bro blinked at him, and John shrugged, folding his arms.

"No glasses, dude. You were getting a pretty good look, there. So... what do you think?"

"You look good." He said stiffly, inwardly cursing at taking his stupid glasses off so he could see clearer as he wound his way through the dark house. He was tempted to put them back on, but it was kind of late for that, now. "Yeah. _Really_ good."

"Heh. Thanks." John gave a sheepish smile, scratching his chin before he dropped his arm again. "You look good too. I mean, not that you didn't before! You totally did! Still do. Um. Yeah!"

"Thanks..." He almost called him kid, like he used to, but it felt wrong. He paused for a moment, gaze drifting over him again, before he finished with a softer, "...John."

Again, his gaze dropped, and he didn't catch it as quickly. John shifted self-consciously, and when Bro looked back up both of them were flushed, and John was chewing at his lip, a ghost of a smile still there.

He had a million things he wanted to say, but actually pushing them past his lips was difficult. John looked equally flustered. He kept opening his mouth, then closing it, clearly rolling words around his head. The silence between them was desperate to be broken, but neither of them were managing it, so Bro's mind started to wander and that meant his eyes did, too.

Yeah, he was sucking at trying not to think about it. John looked bigger, going by the shape of his jeans. Actually... he looked bigger than when he'd first glanced down there, but that was probably just his imagination. Yeah. Totally. And the thought that it might not be wasn't having an effect on him _at all._ Nope!

Oh fuck who was he kidding?

He adjusted his jeans as subtly as he could with one hand to try to relieve the pressure, and John obviously noticed, and chuckled, grinning as Bro looked back up at his face.

"I missed you, Bro."

"Yeah, I guess I missed you too."

"You guess?"

"...Shut up. I missed you a lot."

"Heh, that's better."

John moved forward and Bro raised both arms to keep him back, the smile dropping to a frown as soon as they started rising.

"Bro, don't do this."

"Don't do what?"

"The no kissing, no relationship thing!"

Oh. Ha! He'd sort of just been hoping John wouldn't hug him and feel his awkward hard-on, but hey, sticking with his morals was a way fucking better excuse.

"You aren't eighteen yet, John."

"So what? I'm not even allowed to kiss my _boyfriend_? Bro, come on!"

John moved again, and this time Bro actually took his shoulder to hold him back, frowning at him. He was already feeling stirrings and he'd sworn to himself he wouldn't do anything he shouldn't do during this holiday. That his rules still applied. John was still off limits, he knew that, but _damn_ puberty for making that more of a challenge than he'd thought it was going to be.

He was so fucking torn between doing what he _wanted_ to do, and doing what he probably _should_ do.

"John, I'm being serious, stop."

"No! Fuck's sake I've been waiting nearly nine fucking months to see you again!"

"Well you've seen me. Now stop."

"Bro what the fuck? I want one stupid kiss! One, _oh hi boyfriend I haven't seen for most of a year, I missed you_ kiss! Are you seriously going to tell me I'm not even allowed that?"

What started with kisses would end with a fuckload more than that, the way he felt right now. Bro swallowed.

"Not now, okay?"

"Son of a bitch!" John replied angrily, stepping back and pulling roughly out of his grip. "Wow, I waited all this time for you to just brush me off!"

"I'm not brushing you off."

"Sure feels like it, if I can't even kiss you! I mean... hell, I even tried your experiment, okay? I went off looking for people. Guess what, Bro? There isn't anyone! It's still you. It was _always_ you."

"You've still got-"

"-Two years? Of what? One night stands and empty relationships trying to find someone else I like? Is that seriously gonna be your attempt at being responsible, here?"

"John, you'll find _someone_ -"

"Bro, the only person I've felt happy with is Dave, and that's only because he looks like _you!_ "

All of a sudden the air was charged. Any hint of this being just an excuse was gone, and he tightened his grip on John's shoulders as the shorter man's determined expression wavered.

"You've been with _Dave_?"

He hadn't meant it to come out as it did, but it was practically a growl, and John visibly swallowed, taking a step back. "Uh. We just messed around!" He said quickly, wilting under Bro's glare. "It wasn't anything serious, God!"

"With _Dave._ "

"Bro, don't you fucking dare. You told me to go explore with other people, so I _did_ , okay? And guess what! Dave is another person."

"He's my _brother_."

"So _what_? He isn't you, he's my age, and he likes me."

"But you just used him as a fucking stand-in for me."

"Yes! Yes I did! Because _everyone_ I've been with has been a stand-in for you, you idiot!" John paused long enough to rub his face, then spread his hands as he continued. "Every fucking kiss and hug and fumble, I've been thinking of _you_! Every time I shut my eyes I've been thinking of you!"

Bro glared, trying to suppress how pleased that made him, and John gave him a look of disbelief that quickly crumbled to anger.

"I'm in love with you, you dumb fuck! Of course I fucking think of you! I can't help it! I feel like an asshole for it, too. Even with Dave I couldn't help it!"

"You made out with Dave because he looks like me." Bro rumbled coldly, and John snorted, snapping a response before he thought about it.

"No, he _sucked my dick_ because he _likes_ me, and I was a massive fucking asshole and I _still_ thought about YOU!"

The moment he'd said it John clapped his hands over his mouth, eyes going wide, as Bro's eyebrows rose and he just stared at him.

Jealousy surged through him.

He'd done _what?_

"Little shit." Bro muttered, and John dropped his hand, looking exasperated.

"Bro, you can't be jealous, you _told_ me to do this! You told me to go see other people and don't you dare tell me you didn't mean with sex because _you meant with sex._ Karkat keeps on calling it whoring myself out and fuck, I am practically agreeing with him now, okay? I don't want to do that! I want to be with _you_!"

"But you'll still fuck Dave's mouth."

"Oh my God Bro that is _not the point here_ , will you shut up and actually _listen_ to me?"

He grabbed his orange juice and turned away, and John tried to catch his arm, making an annoyed sound when Bro swatted him away.

"Bro, stop!"

"I'm going to bed."

"I want to talk to you!"

"Well do it another time."

"Holy shit! Bro, for fuck's sake, you're gonna get mad at me because I did what you _told me to_?" Bro stayed silent, and John gave a strangled scream. "I can't believe you! What the fuck do you _want_ from me, Bro, because I am getting mixed messages here! First you want me to fuck off and see other people, but then I do and you're angry about it? _What the fuck?_ "

"It's not like that."

"Then stay here and actually _talk_ to me!"

Bro paused for a fraction of a second, looking over his shoulder at John. His blue eyes were angry, but pleading, and it hurt to look at them, his gaze quickly turning back away.

"Bro?"

Childish anger and jealousy spurred his legs to move, and he stalked off into the dark, ignoring John sadly repeating his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JOHN
> 
> BRO
> 
> NO


	96. ==> Dad: Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes he just needs to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and then it was a Dad chapter.
> 
> Because, like. STUFF.
> 
> (No but seriously this is the bit I have been looking forward to oh my God ;-;)
> 
> AND HEY PEOPLE WANTED LONGER CHAPTERS SO GUESS WHAT.

He didn't drink often. A small glass as a nightcap, perhaps, on his most stressful days. A few drinks with company when he was actually out of the house. It wasn't that he couldn't _handle_ his drink, not at all! It was just he'd never needed it to enjoy himself.

That, and the fact that when he drank, he couldn't help his mind drifting in directions he'd rather it didn't go.

It was different when Roxy was there. She was the new light in his life, and her glow helped stave off the shadows and keep a smile upon his face, even when normally he would have retreated into himself and his memories. She knew his subtle tells, and the moment he wavered her hand was in his hair, stroking it and pulling his focus back to her small, comforting smile.

"Hey baby, you okay?"

"Of course." He smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "Just thinking, my dear. Nothing to worry about."

Roxy's smile relaxed, and she topped up his glass with wine, before simply taking a swig from the bottle herself. He needed to change that, when he could. To convince her she hardly needed to drink as frequently as she did. Unfortunately that was the sort of sentiment that he struggled to really drive home when they were apart, and he had a feeling it would have to wait until their plans were finally put into motion. Someday, he would break her of the accursed habit, just as she often told him someday she'd convince him to give up his pipe.

For now, though, she drank, and for once he drank with her. His nerves had been shaky, as of late, and that showed in everything he did, from the way he had lost his flawless skill at shaving to the way his work manner had grown curt and cold. When she suggested a night of just relaxing with those he would tentatively term his friends, it had been a welcome break from his ongoing concerns. With John's reunion with the elder Strider playing on his mind and his work still haunting him even while he was meant to be taking a break from it, a night of actually letting go seemed just what the doctor had ordered.

"Oh my God. I require more of this."

Dad looked up as Dirk spoke, the young lad perched on English's legs and holding up a small glass of cherry liqueur. His eyes were bright and cheerful, and as Roxy leant back and fished out the appropriate bottle the boy bounced up and down, beaming, making the man serving as his chair laugh and catch his waist.

"Whoa there, lad. Settle down." The Australian grinned and swigged his beer, before lazily wrapping his arm over Dirk's shoulder and pulling himself forward to rest his chin on the red fabric of the boy's pullover. "There's plenty of night left to drink. You don't have to rush it all in one go!"

"But there are so many drinks and they all taste so good and they're all so colourful and I am enjoying collecting sensory data on the experience of consuming them!"

"If Dirky wants to drink Dirky can drink all he likes, Mumma says so." Roxy passed over the red bottle, and Dirk hummed in excitement, taking it and eagerly refilling his glass perfectly to the rim. "He's my adorable bubba, lookit. So fulla happy."

"Thank you, Roxy."

"Oh, you're welcome you lil cutey you!"

"Jake you should try some of this! It is wonderful."

English rolled his eyes, but smiled and nestled his head forward over Dirk's shoulder, letting the boy put the glass to his mouth and taking a sip. He coughed and shook his head, giving a little laugh. "A bit too sweet for my tastes, mate." He explained, as Dirk look a little let down. "I'm sure you'll find something I like."

"I will endeavour to do so." Dirk agreed cheerfully, gaining back his good mood without pause. He giggled as English leant in and kissed his cheek, the metal glowing slightly pink. "I love you, Jake."

"So you keep telling me." Jake replied gently, sitting back in the seat and washing the taste out of his mouth with his beer.

Dad smiled fondly to himself, having grown rather attached to the short, excitable metal boy in the time they had now spent together. There was something terribly endearing about the way he carried himself. Something wonderful about the unending sense of awe and fascination he had for everything he saw, and the childish curiosity with which he sought out new experiences. For a Strider, he was also awfully polite, and Dad savoured that. At least one member of their household seemed to be relatively normal, despite his unique situation.

His wine was running out again, as he watched Dirk dipping his bright amber tongue into a variety of shots that Roxy was providing. Each one he then described in detail, some much more eagerly than others, and the ones he seemed fondest of he always shuffled around to make English taste, the two sharing comments on the flavour and a smile. It was awfully sweet to watch. They were a rather delightful couple.

"Daddy, _baby_." Roxy slurred, pouring him another drink more haphazardly and snickering as a few drops of red splashed onto the table. "You... you need to visit me more often, mmkay? I've been lonely without my sugar daddy."

"You know I am aiming to visit when I can."

"Y'know what? You should come live with me. Johnny-boy and Jade could come too! It'd be great, wow."

"I would not wish to displace them." He responded, tenderly brushing her cheek with the back oh his hand as she leant against him. "Maybe once they are older, and have their own arrangements. Then we will see."

"Well we better do. I'm gonna be old an' lonely if my baby don't come keep me company."

"You are not old at all, my dear, and you know I would come as soon as I was able if you called me."

"I know, but I wanna have you here _all_ the time, you know that." Roxy sighed, walking her fingers up his tie and using it to tug him forward into a kiss. When they broke apart, her mouth pulled into a pout. "Bein' alone _sucks._ "

"You have Rose."

"Yeah, an' she's _so_ good at emotionally supportin' her poor Mumma." Roxy snorted. "Trust me, she ain't really helpin' the whole mood. You've got no idea how great it is havin' you back here."

"I think I have more idea than you believe."

"Awww, has my sugar daddy missed me?"

"Of course I have, dear."

Roxy smiled broadly at him, snuggling up against his shoulder, and he sighed contentedly, glad to have her there. She was his light, and he had been without her. He could practically feel some of his stress drifting away.

"Y'know when you don't shave you an' John actually look related, now the bubba's all grown up." She lifted a hand, brushing it over his short black hair. She had made it abundantly clear she liked it, for all he was still itching to get his hands on a razor, so he had decided it would remain over the holiday season at least. "Heck I keep on goin' to grope him from behind an' then realisin' he ain't you."

"Please try and refrain from groping my son."

"I'm tryin' sweetie, but I gotta tell you, that is some fine ass you raised." She attempted to wink suggestively, and just ended up looking as drunk as she was. "I mean, _damn_ , baby. He's mighty fine."

He raised an eyebrow at her, and she snorted and giggled back, kissing his cheek and leaving a faint pink smear. "Oh don't look at me like that, I've already got all the sexy babe I need from your family. I'm just sayin', he clearly got your looks."

"Shall I take that as a compliment?"

"Well yeah, 'cause it _is_ one."

Roxy smirked and straightened his tie, and he smiled down at her, hand gently settling upon her dainty shoulder. She was a beautiful woman, and he was a very lucky man.

His good mood wavered when English abruptly sat forward, hand around Dirk to steady him, eyes up and past the pair.

"Bloody hell, Strider. Finally gracing us with your presence?"

His blood ran cold, and any hint of a smile on his face was gone, replaced by a calm, carefully constructed expression that gave nothing away he did not want it to. Now he was listening, he heard the heavy, slow footfalls, his eyes moving up as the man stopped by the table and pulled out a chair, slumping into it without a word. His glasses were on, his face down-turned, and everything about his body seemed slumped and sad, hunching in on itself.

Roxy sat up and frowned, and he missed her warmth against his shoulder almost instantly, his hand sliding down her back.

"Bro, baby. You okay?"

Strider didn't respond, and a soft clinking broke the awkward silence, tiny metal hands pushing an open bottle of beer up onto the table beside him. He took it, swigged, and watched as Sebastian pulled himself up to sit on the edge of the table, swinging his metal legs. Dad had been introduced to the rabbit by his proud creator, so he was less perturbed now than he had been the first time he saw it, simply raising an eyebrow at the pair of them.

Strider drank, Sebastian watched. Fetched a new bottle as soon as the first was empty.

Roxy and English were sharing looks across the table, but Dad continued watching the blonde. He was drinking with little time to breathe between downing bottle, but when he did, he had a most curious expression, somewhere between dampened fury and utter heartbreak. It was full of anger at the world, anger at himself, and some underlying sadness that ran through every motion he made.

It was a terribly familiar expression to behold.

Dad finally looked away, sipping his own wine with more restraint as the gathering of empty bottles around the Texan swelled. The table was silent, now, thoughtful. They each seemed to be considering what precisely the behaviour of the most recent arrival meant. Personally, he was uncomfortably aware of what heartache looked liked, and every little emotional crack that showed if you looked hard enough.

The way Strider was folded inwards and just pushing on like a silent spectre, ignoring the world around him, was familiar to him. He wondered what had occurred to drive the Texan to the same, joyless well as he recalled.

After several moments, his mind came up with the answer he had been expecting.

Though his spirits had been high the day before, John had hardly spoken a word since he appeared at breakfast, and even David seemed to be giving him a wide berth. It was not entirely unlike his son to have quiet days, of course not! Every boy had them. It was just his abrupt change of mood, coupled with the current demeanour of the elder Strider, put one another in a different perspective.

So something had happened and upset both of them. Probably some argument, some falling out that by the way Strider appeared seemed to be more than petty. Dad knew he should have felt pleased! Anything that drove them apart was more chance they would stay apart, and that John would finally move out of whatever hole this man had dragged him into, perhaps find a nice boy his own age!

Except...

There was something uncomfortable stirring in the pit of his stomach. Something he did not like at all.

He had an awful feeling it was _sympathy._

He wasn't sure how much wine he'd had, but he knew it certainly wasn't their first bottle, or their second. In fact he really couldn't recall how many they had been through at all. If he was drunk enough to feel pity for a man who was trying to abuse his son, it must have been far more than he thought!

"It is getting rather late, dear. I think it is time for bed."

"I think you're right, baby." Roxy kissed his cheek, standing unsteadily and woozily waving at the others. "Time to clear up, bubbas."

"Blast it." Jake muttered, reluctant as ever to end the night. Dad took the opportunity to abscond, and was pleased his own balance was so good as he went searching for the children, his head still spinning when he turned a few corners too fast.

He found them sitting by the fire in a close group, chatting and laughing, the only exceptions Karkat and John, who were perched away on the couch in silence. Slick's son looked concerned, and had a heavy frown on his lips. John's expression was sad, distant and lonely even here, where he was surrounded by friends. It was distressing - especially when he caught his son's eyes and there was that same spark of heartache he had been running from, that same dull sense of hopelessness. As soon as their gazes connected, John turned away, standing and slouching towards his room, and Dad sighed before he looked over the rest of them.

"Bedtime." He announced, the slightest slur to his words, and the expected chorus of groans and complaints rose in response. "No arguments. It is time to get some sleep."

They rose and untangled from their respective couplings, and he watched most of them head to the staircase and disappear up it, before looking back to where Karkat was still sitting, bright red-brown eyes fixed on the fire in silent thought.

"Karkat, you should get some rest too."

"Yeah, I guess I fucking should."

"You should also try and watch your language."

"Sorry, Dad." Karkat paused, pulling a face, before he continued, "Just got a lot of stupid shit to think about. It's hard to watch my tongue when I'm trying to watch so much else."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Uh, I don't know if I should-"

"Is it about John?"

Karkat looked up and met his gaze, and for a while they just looked at each other, before the young man shuffled to one side and Dad took it as a sign, moving over and sitting beside him. He noticed as he sat that John had forgotten his pullover, left still slung over the arm of the couch, and decided to take it back to him once whatever conversation was about to occur was done.

"He had an argument with Bro."

Ah. Well there was that suspicion confirmed.

"It sounds like it was fucking quick, but bad. He keeps on telling me he said shit he shouldn't have done. It all went south so fast he had no time for damage control, so everything he said was just making it worse. Before you ask, no, I don't know what it was about. I just know he went to talk to him because I convinced him to, and it all blew up fucking spectacularly in his face."

"Why would you convince him to talk to Strider?" Dad asked quietly, shifting the pullover onto his lap and pausing as he felt weight in the front pocket. "You of all people I would have expected to do the exact opposite of that."

"Because it's not just sex, even though you _obviously_ think it is."

He gave Karkat a sidelong look, and the boy frowned back, folding his arms. "Their relationship is unhealthy." Dad murmured eventually, hand feeling the shape beneath the blue fabric. He felt a distinct jolt of disappointment when he made out what felt like a glass bottle of a sort a fifteen year old should not be carrying about. "You can't deny it."

"Their relationship is a fucking mess, yeah, in legal ways and emotional ways, I know. I'm John's go to for fucking support, you know that. This isn't the first time you've pestered me about how he's feeling."

"He never talks to me."

"He knows you'd tell him he's too young, or too naive, and that he's got to stop. That isn't what he wants, and it isn't what he _needs_."

"It shouldn't be encouraged."

"No, but you shouldn't treat him like fucking shit about it, either."

Dad flinched, and let go of the fabric, clasping his hands in his lap as he turned to look straight at the firm expression on Karkat's face. For a boy his age, he had always held himself in a fairly mature way, and Dad could respect that. When he went to his now weekly games of poker with Slick and his associates, Karkat was treated as an adult and carried himself like one, and because of that he found it much easier to view him as more of an equal and less of a child. He was an excellent orator, when he did not muddy his words with curses and oaths. He could not have wished a better friend for his son.

"I do not try to treat him that way."

"You patronise him all the time, Dad. You act like he doesn't know what he wants."

"He doesn't-"

"Has it ever occurred to you he's actually _in love_ with Strider?"

He couldn't bring himself to reply. Yes, it _had_ occured to him. It had occured to him in the moment he had seen the effect of the argument in John's eyes, and seen a pain that he was regrettably certain simple crushes did not cause. It had occured to him the feeling went both ways when he had seen how much a shadow of himself the older man became simply through a falling out between them. It had occured to him. He did not like it.

"Is he?" He asked finally, because of course the lad would know. Karkat looked to the flames, which caught in his eyes and made them glow a vivid red.

"Yes. Yes he fucking is. Holy shit, I've never seen anyone as fucking deeply in love as he is with that douchebag."

Oh. Dad ran a hand over his rough chin, feeling uncomfortable with the stubble that buzzed across his palm. He almost said John was too young to know for sure, too young to feel those things.

Yet he'd drunk enough that the thought stirred memories, and his hand slowed, a swell of understanding rising in his chest.

"I think," He murmured, lowering his hand and looking at the golden band he still wore. "I need to reconsider this."

"Yes, you do. I'm not trying to step over any fucking lines, you're his Dad, I know that. I just know that John is in love and you're treating him like he's a fucking idiot, and like he's wrong, and he's _not_. He loves him." Karkat sighed, toying distractedly with the tassels on his scarf. "I know it sounds ridiculous, I do. I mean, holy fuck, that guy is the biggest asshole I have ever set eyes on! But that doesn't matter. What matters is your son is feeling big, scary things, and everyone is acting like he's wrong for feeling them. Love is never wrong. Love is never a crime. You're never too young to fall in love, you're just too young to understand it. The worst thing anyone can do for you is treat you like shit for emotions you can't change."

The words rang true, and he let them settle in his mind, mulling them over with a thoughtful frown. How Slick had managed to raise this boy still eluded him, but the boy himself was sharp, and struck right to the emotional pulse of any situation with a mix of blunt force and contrasting softness. It was refreshing, the way he simply stated the truth, and did not dance around his points. It helped the points themselves were valid, and often carried wisdom beyond his years. Dad blinked at the realisation he was taking advice from a young man half his age, finally breaking the silence.

"You are a highly intelligent boy, you know."

"I just pay attention to how people fucking feel. It's not that hard."

"And yet so few are capable of it. You should be proud it is one of your talents."

Karkat shrugged, cheeks tingeing a little red, pushing himself to his feet and then lingering, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

"...Can I ask _you_ something?"

Dad raised an eyebrow at him, unsure of what information he could possibly have that the boy required, but gave an approving nod. Karkat fidgeted, pulling a face.

"You're _not_ called Dad. You fucking _can't_ be. Why the hell does everyone call you it?"

The tension in the air briefly gave way to a surprised laugh, and he shook his head at the innocence of the inquiry. What a strange thing to finally be asked! He was sure others had thought it, but no one had ever simply sought the answer before, at least not to his face.

"My father was Korean, and he chose my given name. I have no issue with it, as such, I simply got so tired of people mispronouncing it that I was more content with being called Mister Egbert, at first, and then John's Dad. Over time that was shortened to Dad and it just became my less formal name. I did not really choose it on purpose. It simply fit."

"So you _do_ have a name."

"You sound like that surprises you."

"What-?"

"Myung-Dae."

Karkat blinked at him, and then clearly thought that over, mouth moving over the syllables a few times in silence. He waited patiently, and at last the boy coughed, shrugging his shoulders.

"Thanks. That's been getting on my fucking nerves."

"You are welcome, Karkat, you only had to ask. Goodnight."

"Yeah. Goodnight, uh... Dad."

He chuckled as the youth turned and left, watching him out of sight. As he receded, Dad's smile faded, the tension seeping back and leaving his eyes dropping to the blue pullover, and his mind returning to thoughts of his son.

The pullover was the colour of his eyes.

The thought stung, so he forced it down as he removed the bottle, frowning as it was confirmed as beer, then slung the top over his shoulder. At least he was not staring at it wistfully now. Dad rose, distractedly rolling the bottle in his other hand, and started calmly heading towards his son's room. He may as well return the top, and briefly observe how inappropriate it was for a boy of John's age to have been carrying alcohol within it. Any more meaningful discussion could wait until his head was not so light, and his voice was not so slurred.

He had reached the dim pool of light outside his son's door, and paused there, scratching at the back of his neck with his free hand. How to broach the subject of the alcohol? Perhaps given the way he was feeling, even that was best left until tomorrow. He was no longer sure.

As he stepped away, he turned and stopped, looking at the door opposite. That was Strider's room, as Roxy had sheepishly informed him. He did intend to talk to the man... perhaps, as he was here, now was the time? Or perhaps not. He lingered, unsure. Maybe he should just head back to him own room, leave it all for when he wasn't quite so-

He felt hands on his shoulders, and instinctively went to move forward, but their hold was tight and with little effort he was turned and pushed so his back thudded into the wall. Before he had time to react there was a mouth over his, and stubble scraping his chin.

His mind went blank, other than the sheer shock which felt like it was overloading his other thoughts. His free hand pushed at their chest, and caught on the sharp edges of the infernal glasses hanging there that confirmed, to his stifled horror, who it was.

The kiss was sloppy, aggressive, and his struggles against it were doing little to halt it, the man's drunken strength as impressive as it was frustrating. Dad couldn't quite get out of his grip, even when one of his hands roamed, his leg and hip shifting forward to keep Dad pinned to the wall. His eyes had shut with the impact and he kept them that way, trying to think of how to stop this when he couldn't move and he was struggling to even breathe.

The moment a gloved hand touched his hair, the lips on his froze, and he forced his eyes back open to find gold gazing back. The younger man jolted back as if stung, and Dad let out a rapid breath, sucking in the air he'd need and trying to calm his panicked pulse as he struggled to figure out what on earth had just happened, and why it had ended as it did.

His hand rose to copy the motion that had preceded the embrace's abrupt finish, and he felt the buzz against his palm, realising with a shallow pang of amusement.

Of course. His hair was too short.

"Fuck." His attention was grabbed as the silence was broken. Strider was staring at him, eyes wide and so very, very hurt. "You're not John."

Dad looked to him, numb, then silently shook his head, and the blonde took another, unsteady step back, face crumpling up with a clear rush of emotion that left his normally steady shoulder shaking with contained sound. It was like watching him come undone in an instant; every ounce of strength and disinterest he usually exuded was gone, and in place of it was nothing but hurt, and loneliness, and pain.

Strider wasn't embarrassed. He wasn't angry.

He was just so upset it hadn't been John.

Dad felt the weight of what that meant rest on his shoulders. He watched as Strider covered his face with both hands, and quaked, and all of his usual hatred and distrust was swamped beneath sympathy, and pity, and familiarity. He put out a hand to try and comfort him, but before he could the blonde had turned and darted forward into the room opposite John's. The door shut quickly, leaving Dad alone in the corridor with his hand raised futiley to empty air.

He dropped it, closing his fingers into a fist. For the first time in a long time, he really didn't know what to do. He knew what he _should_ do, of course, and that was exactly what he had intended - return John's possessions and then head to bed.

However... he also knew what he _wanted_ to do.

Dad sighed heavily, rubbing his mouth on the back of his hand, then looking down to the bottle he was still holding. He twisted off the cap and then took a swig of the cool beer, swallowing it along with his misgivings.

He knocked on the door, and after a pause it opened. Strider's glasses back on his face, his attempt at a poker face ruined by the wetness on his freckled cheeks.

"What?"

Dad shrugged, and gave a half-smile, focusing as much as could on the dim, pleasant buzz of his drunken state.

"Simply put? I feel it's time we need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dad what're you doing?
> 
> \---
> 
> Hey, I put this as a reply to a comment, but I thought I'd give you guys the heads up here too. The next Arc I'm going to be trying to write longer chapters, because it's the first Arc that will be settled enough I'll be spending enough time on each character that longer chapters work. This Arc there will be a mixture. We'll see how it goes, but I'm looking forward to trying it out, at least!


	97. ==> Bro: Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn't expecting this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the gap in updates! I had a pretty emotional weekend I guess. Too many feels. Too many feels.

The door shut quickly behind him with a thankfully quiet sound, and Bro leant heavily against it. His breath came in short, ragged gasps, burning in his throat as he tried to swallow the noises fighting to escape him. No. No, he didn't cry. He didn't fucking cry.

His hands were shaking when he roughly scrubbed at his cheeks to dry them, desperate to remove any trace of the emotion he didn't want to feel. It hurt. Everything hurt. He'd thought drinking would help but it had only made it worse, and then he'd been such a fucking _idiot_ he couldn't tell John and his fucking father apart, and now Dad probably hated him even more, if that was even humanly possible.

He'd just seen the build and the black hair and the pullover, seen a person lingering outside _his_ door, and the only conclusion his mind could come to was _John_. He'd fucked up with John. Screw everything he'd said! He'd just wanted John, _needed_ him, and he'd been so sure he was going to get that right up until he'd realised he'd managed to pin down the wrong fucking generation.

His drying fingers reached his eyes and he felt angry at the warm tears that were fresh there, because _no_. Bro Strider did not cry, not like this. Not just because he was fucking drunk and lonely and pining for some guy! When he shed tears they _meant_ something, but right now he felt like all they meant was he really was as pathetic as he'd been feeling.

Bro pulled his shades from his shirt and pushed them onto his face, hiding his eyes behind comforting dark glass. It felt better, to put his mask back on. The sense of vulnerability, of openess, faded. He actually hated being so open, usually.

The only time he'd felt safe opening up was with John.

Before the thought could sting, he was pulled sharply back to reality by a knock at the door, the wood by his shoulder rocking with the impact. His heart caught in his throat as he considered the fact there was only one person that it could really be. After the disaster that was the last few minutes, he really didn't want to face him. Not now, not _ever_. The man would have nothing good to say to him now, not that he ever had.

Despite it, Bro steeled himself, forcing the best poker face he could as he pulled open the door.

"What?"

Dad shrugged a shoulder, Bro's eyes moving from the strange expression on his face to the bottle in his hand, to the pullover he was still carrying. Something felt out of place, in the air between them. The usual aggression from Dad was... lacking.

"Simply put? I feel it's time we need to talk."

His tone was strangely sad, and soft, and it was enough Bro didn't just shut the door in his face. He knew this was a terrible idea - they were both clearly totally trashed - but that emotion beneath the man's words was enough he pushed the thought aside.

"...Sure." He replied hesitantly, stepping aside and allowing his unwanted visitor in.

Dad didn't stride with his usual confidence, nor with his head held high. He moved with a slow, thoughtful pace, eyes on the floor, mouth still in a sad smile. It was so unlike the image he had been swift to burn into Bro's psyche that it was almost upsetting, clearly weaker, clearly more honest. Bro shut the door softly and watched him meander to the bed and sit on the edge of it, frowning as the older man took a long drink of the beer he was clutching tightly in his hand like a lifeline.

"John had this, you know."

Bro blinked at him, and Dad sighed, looking at the bottle as he turned it in his hand. "I think he has been drinking since we arrived. Roxy did say she was missing several bottles from her cabinets, and he did seem averse to sound this morning. I will have words with him when I am in a fitter state to do it."

"Yeah. You, uh. You should do that." Bro folded his arms uncomfortably. He was actually a little let down that John would do that. He just thought he was better than that. At the same time, the ease with which Dad had offered the information and the lack of any sort of hint of dislike in his words left him feeling uncertain. He couldn't tell what this was going to about anymore.

"He had forgotten it. I think the prospect of me trying to talk to him scared him away so quickly he did not think to pick up his pullover." Dad gave a lopsided smile, bitterness behind the expression. "He left rather abruptly when he saw me, you see. He does tend to do that."

This was drifting rapidly into bizarrely honest territory he wasn't sure of. The usual passive-aggressive retorts, those he could do. Those were an art form and he was a master! But _this_? This was entirely new, and too out in the open, emotions too on show.

Bro just shrugged and fumbled for a cigarette in his pocket, drawing out his last one and lighting it, noting in the back of his mind he'd have to go and bother Roxy for more. He held it between his lips as he ejected his lighter from his sylladex, and he caught the expression on Dad's face. The sort of slight, uneasy want of an addict. Bro lit the cigarette, and dragged a few times, then moved over and took it out, offering the smoking stick down and getting a thankful smile as it was taken.

Fuck, everything about this felt the wrong way round.

"He'd hidden it in the front pocket. Fine when he was wearing it, but a little obvious when I picked it up. Would've thought his gambit would have helped him think of a better hiding place, you know." Dad chuckled dryly, voice now muffled a little by the cigarette he was puffing on. "Ah, to be young and a fool again, hmm? I recall a time when such misdemeanours were the greatest concerns I had."

"Wasn't _that_ long ago."

"Strider, much as I am reluctant to acknowledge it sometimes, I have not been as young as John for a few years short of two decades. I know sometimes you seem to forget how far apart in age he is to us, but..."

His voice faded. The sentence hung. After a few moments of silence, Dad offered Bro the beer and he took without a second thought, taking a swig and passing it back.

"He's not a kid." Bro mumbled, mostly to himself. He actually felt surprised when Dad answered with a soft, empty laugh.

"Yes, I... I know."

Whatever meaning was behind it, Dad didn't continue the thought, choosing instead to tug the blue top into his lap, gaze and fingers trailing fondly across it. "It's the same colour as his eyes." He murmured, and Bro nodded slowly, unsure of what else to do.

That unsureness swelled to a total feeling of loss when Dad abruptly balled his hands into fists in the fabric, dark starbursts exploding across the light blue as tears dripped from his face, and holy fuck. The man was _crying_. He was crying and Bro had no clue what to do other than stand there lamely and watch his shoulders shake.

Dad took a few, long breaths, that shuddered less each time, finally managing to fall still. He gave a soft murmur that Bro couldn't quite make out, and carefully smoothed the fabric out where he had grabbed hold of it, misty gaze following the motions of his hands.

"He has his mother's eyes."

Bro blinked, opening his mouth to try to respond, but nothing came. He pushed his lips into a thin line, not knowing where this was going but already feeling ill at ease about it.

"People always think he has mine, but... mine are too dark. Hers were always a few shades lighter." Dad smiled, but the smile was broken, just like his falsely cheerful voice. "Such a beautiful colour. She... she was a wonderful woman."

He looked up, and Bro stared back at him. For the first time, the emotion in his eyes matched the expression on his face, and it was wonderful and terrible and just so _upsetting._ Bro found himself moving to sit beside him, and as he did Dad's gaze dropped to the pullover, and his voice shook.

"Could I tell you about her?"

Bro took the beer from where it had been left by Dad's side, taking a quick draught to quell his confused emotions.

"Sure, man." He said eventually, words slurred but as comforting as he could make them. "Go ahead."

"My mother worked at Betty Crocker. One of their best cooks, in her day. The woman was fantastic in a kitchen, taught me everything I know." Bro nodded, knowing in some conversation somewhere John had told him that, but not wanting to break the flow Dad was clearly to work up to. "Crocker Corp has never been a kind company, though. Fairly despicable people, if I am blunt, not that I would share that with Jane, nor John. When my father died they demanded she keep working the long hours she previously had done, and she had nowhere she felt safe leaving me in her absence. She was never one to trusts nannies or playgroups or such. Worse still, she home schooled me so I was not even away at school for any part of the day. I was about eight, if I recall. She trusted me enough to behave appropriately that she was willing to take the only solution that seemed available, and she began taking me with her to work."

He lowered the cigarette and watched the smoke rising from it, the smile on his face more earnest now. "I used to sit by her desk, where she wrote up her recipes, practise my magic tricks and come up with new jokes. I was very like John, at that age, except I was shy. Cripplingly so. Mother hated it, always tried to encourage me to get to know the 'nice little boys and girls' we lived near. I always found they were not as nice as she thought. Oh what colourful racial epithets I had already learnt, by that age."

"You lived in a bad neighbourhood?"

"No, no, we lived in a good neighbourhood, but at the time I was growing up bitter sentiment against Asians was running high. I was treated with general resentment by a small group who were riding on that popular view, and still clung to outdated ideals that meant I disturbed their perfect view of suburbia. They passed these thoughts and dislikes to their children as parents are unfortunately wont to do. I stopped going out, but I never told mother why. As for my shyness... That experience just made me think everyone would treat me that way, I suppose."

"Ouch."

"I was thankful when she took me to her work. It was quiet there, and she always let me try her latest creations, her official little taste tester. I was still lonely, but I kept myself occupied, and it was more enjoyable than sitting at home."

His hand took the fabric again, and he rubbed it between his fingers, smiling broadly for the only time Bro could recall.

"One day I looked up, and this girl was there, watching me. She was in a pretty dress, big glasses, and had these wonderful, big blue eyes. The sort of cute girl who never usually paid me attention at all. I was expecting abuse but, no, I didn't get any at all. She had been watching me do magic for while, and was desperate to know how it was done. So she sat with me, and I showed her, and she was full of questions and wanted to try it herself. We had wasted a day in what felt like minutes, over cards, coins and ribbons. It was only after mother took me home I realised I hadn't even asked for her name."

Bro offered the bottle and Dad took it, sipping it, no longer clutching as desperately as he had been. The tension in him seemed to have released, a little, but Bro knew how this story was going to end, and he knew it wouldn't be long before all of that tension came flooding back.

"To my relief she was there the next day, and this time we spoke about each other, rather than my magic. She was the best friend of the daughter of the head of the company, and as such was allowed to wander the buildings as she pleased. No one disturbed anyone who was so directly linked to the Crockers. She talked a lot, once she got onto a topic she was fond of, but I liked to listen, so I didn't mind. I was certain she was becoming my friend, which was thrilling. I had never had a friend before."

Oh wow. Bro stared at him, feeling all sorts of pity and hollowness in his gut. Even in the system, he'd found _someone_ wherever he went. It was the same sense of utter sympathy he'd felt when John first asked if they were friends, and it was strange to think that sentiment spanned two generations.

"She would keep me company every day, after that. I showed her magic, started teaching her Korean when she was fascinated by my name and the fact I could speak it. In return she began bringing her journal, reading me these fantastic stories she wrote, all about pirates and sea monsters, magic and science, and fantastical horned creatures. She had a vivid imagination and she loved sharing it with me, because her best friend said she did not have time to listen. I had all the time I could give. When I told her so, I actually made a girl blush for the first time."

Dad laughed, and then like a switch was flipped in his head the laugh and his smile were gone, his mouth slightly open and his forehead furrowed. He brushed a hand over his chin and glanced at Bro, was looked back with wary compassion.

"I'm terrible to John." Dad murmured, gaze moving away. Bro opened his mouth to ask, but the man continued softly, "I tell him he's too young to feel the way he does, but I know I was in love by the time I was barely eleven. I know I never once looked at anyone else, while she was in my life. Do not mistake me," He added, voice growing harsher, "I will _never_ understand or condone anything physical you do to him, before he is of age, but..." Dad sighed, tensed shoulders slumping. "But love. Love I understand."

Bro felt like he should say something, but he couldn't think of any response that wouldn't sound hollow, or pointless. He chose instead to shuffle across the bed to sit with his back against the headboard, watching as Dad undid his tie and left it hanging around his neck, the top button of his shirt undone a moment later.

"I started to feel that it was love, for her, the first time I thought I might lose her." Dad was back to the reminiscent tone, and that was more comfortable than the guilty one. Bro listened, leaning forward to take the beer as it was offered back to him. "My sweetheart was going to start middle school, and I panicked, because I could not face not seeing my only friend. I felt more afraid than I had even been before. I begged Mother over and over to go with her. Mother sent me as I asked in the end, finally giving in to necessity, and from then on we stayed together."

"When did you two actually, like, become a thing?"

"I think we were a thing from the point she found out I had pleaded to go to school with her, but we never outright said it. One day - I think we were perhaps fourteen - she was at my house, reading me stories out in the yard, long after we should have gone in. I was lying counting the stars and out of the blue she asked if we were dating. I said, well, I supposed we were. That was that. It was official, as though it had not been before. When she told Meenah at school the next day, the thing that shocked her most was that it had taken us that long to acknowledge we were together."

Dad smiled fondly, shrugging one shoulder. "She was planning our wedding by the time we were sixteen. We used to joke it would take all those years to trim down the speeches she kept writing. I swear it did! In the end she had to write her vows with Meenah crossing things out as she went. I think everyone always knew, though, that we were not being frivolous with our plans. That we would be married as soon as we could, and we would never regret it. I never did. I regret that my impatience meant she was pregnant when she walked down the aisle, but looking back, that impatience gave her longer with John, and that is something I will forever be glad of."

"John doesn't talk about her much."

"I'd be surprised if he did at all. He was four, when she-"

Dad's voice cracked, and he fell silent, Bro quickly passing him the drink and noticing the grip on the bottle was once more tight and desperate. A few uneasy beats of silence followed, and when Dad next spoke it was soft, somehow both happy and sad at the same time.

"She adored John. He meant the world to her. Every night, she would sit and read to him, tell him the stories she still wrote even all those years after she first shared them with me. I worked and she wrote, and cared for him, and every weekend we would travel, go on adventures, as she called them. She had dreamed of travelling since she was young. When I could, I would take holidays and we would just go wherever the wind took us, even if it usually took us to the sea. She loved the ocean. We'd made plans, we were going to go sailing-" His voice wavered, so he stopped, started again, "She was so kind, so gentle. Her only flaw was how long she could speak for, and I loved her voice, so I never saw it is a bad thing. Whenever I got home, she would be playing games with John, especially as he grew up a little. They would be dressed up in the outfits she made them, sitting on the bed like it was a ship, sailing off in their imaginations... She was a good mother. A perfect wife. I... I miss her, terribly."

Bro felt a little cold frisson as Dad's face fell, and his hands began to shake, just enough to be noticed. This was it. This was it and his usual distance was crumbling. Maybe it was the drink, maybe it was the rawness of Dad's words, or maybe it was the knowledge that the woman they were talking about was John's Mom. His John.

 _His_ John. He paused as he realised he had thought it.

"I was twenty two. We were on holiday. At the beach. It wasn't one usually for tourists, she preferred the more... out of the way locales. The sort with rocks to climb over and caves to explore. The sort that usually aren't meant to be used recreationally. We knew the risks, but we were together, and we were careful, and that had always been enough, before."

He actually felt slightly sick. Dad's hand trembled as he tugged at the loose knot of his tie in a nervous motion. The usual confidence in his body had now totally been replaced by upset, his body hunched in on itself, and he looked so small, and tragic. It hurt, and Bro wasn't sure why. He had no reason to care so much about how this man felt, yet he did. Perhaps it was because he now reminded him of John; he couldn't think of any other reason.

"John started feeling ill, so we paused. Sat down to let him recover. She grew restless, after a while, so asked if she could carry on down the rocks alone. I said I wasn't sure, but she smiled at me. Said it's okay. Trust me. I'll be fine."

The creeping sense of unease grew overwhelming, and Bro watched as all emotion left Dad's face, draining out and leaving his expression and eyes just... empty.

"I never saw her again."

It hung in the air, and Bro had to swallow down the feelings rising again in his throat. He felt oddly numb, and this feeling was so unnatural and unlike him that it was a hundred times worse that he'd expected it to be.

At twenty two years old, this man had become a widower. At four, John had lost his mother.

Holy shit.

"They found enough, to know what happened. The rocks were slippery, the sea had been getting rough, I never should have let her go. I tried explaining to John, but he was so young. Too young. All I could think was if I had been there, if I had kept her in my sight, maybe things would have been different."

His voice was just blank, stating fact without allowing emotion to enter any of it. Bro had a feeling the emotion that would be there now would break Dad - hell, the way he felt, it might have broken both of them.

"I swore I would look after John. That I wouldn't let him go, I wouldn't lose him. I'd be a good father. I felt afraid letting him out of my sight, so I homeschooled him. Made sure I could work from home. Made sure he was never alone. I suppose I was just afraid one day I would watch him walk away and that would be the last time I ever..."

It wouldn't ever fix the way John had been treated, but knowing _why_ made Bro's dislike for Dad dim. He had done the wrong thing, maybe, but for good reasons. He just wanted John to be safe. Bro could understand that, as an almost-parent and as someone who cared a fucking _lot_ about Dad's son.

"I think I go too far sometimes. I focus so much on what I think he needs, I choose to ignore what he thinks himself." The blank tone finally broke, giving way to a slight guilt. "When others tell me I am wrong I would usually ignore them. I know best, I say. I always know best. Except... I don't."

Dad pinched the bridge of his nose, then slid his fingers out to rub his eyes, leaving the wetness on his cheeks as it was, not bothering to wipe a single tear away. He dropped his hand and sighed.

"When he told me he liked men, I think I responded like a good father, but I think in the time that has passed I have forgotten my own words. Forgotten the assurances and promises I gave. I have broken what I told him - I did it almost as soon as he told me - despite the fact I do not like to break any promise I give."

"What did you say to him?" There was his voice, back after the emotional punch to the gut that had briefly stolen it. Dad closed his eyes to think, then opened them again, looking straight at Bro.

"I said it isn't for me to decide who will make him happy," He said softly, his forehead creasing with thought even as it left his lips, "And that whoever that is going to be, so long as they do... that I will be pleased to have them in the family."

Bro wasn't sure what was going on here, now they had finished their trip down memory lane and were back on the highway of what the fuckery. The lack of threats and evil looks was still making everything Dad said about John impossible to interpret. He was torn between thinking this was all drunken rambling that Dad would forget come morning, or that this was all an elaborate verbal trap of some kind to get him right where Dad wanted him. He chose to just nod.

"He loves you."

This time the look in Dad's eyes demanded an answer, albeit without his usual aggression. Bro blinked at the question, then frowned as he mumbled, "He says he does, but he's only-"

"You love him."

They held each other's gaze. Bro wavered, and nodded, not trusting his voice thanks to the abrupt lump in his throat.

Dad smiled sadly, still watching him, before nodding. "Alright."

"...Alright?" Bro replied blankly.

"You know my thoughts on any physical relationship and I will repeat I do not approve of it and never will when he is underage. Until he is eighteen and an adult I still have a say in his life and it is my wish that you never push him beyond what he wishes to do, and is able to do. Please. I ask of you as his father, if you truly love him, do not take advantage of him."

"Fuck, I won't."

"Yet you need him, and he needs you. You are both withering away from whatever distance you have insisted on between you. I would have approved - I would have been glad - but I have seen, now, the effect it has had on him, and you. I am no longer sure I am so glad of it at all."

"I told him to go actually get some fucking world experience. To see other people and not do any shit with me in the meantime."

"Noble, but misguided. It is making you miserable - both of you."

"I was fine until yesterday, alright? I was fine. Then John told me he fucking slept with Dave and I-" He broke off, but Dad's expression hadn't altered, so he continued more carefully, "He used Dave because Dave looks like me and that's shit in a ton of ways. I feel bad for Dave, and mad at John, and so fucking jealous, I-!"

"Why did you date English?"

He lost his train of thought and the swell of feelings that was rising with them, blinking at Dad in confusion. "What?"

"Why did you date Jake English?"

"I dunno, I fucking... he reminded me of John, I guess, why?"

Dad raised an eyebrow and stayed calmly looking at him. He stared back. Why the fuck would he bring up Jake when they were talking about John using Dave?

Oh.

Oh holy shit.

He groaned and covered his face, wanting desperately to slam his head into a wall. He was so stupid. He was stupid and a hypocrite and a fucking asshole, and if he could, he would just curl up and die in humiliation. Of course he freaked out and didn't think shit through. Got mad at John when he had been so much fucking _worse_.

"You should talk to him."

"I should fucking talk to him." Bro agreed, voice muffled into his hands.

"And I think... I think perhaps for both of your sakes..." Dad sighed, and Bro lowered his hands, the man gazing away with a pensive expression. "I will never condone nor understand the physical aspect between you, but the emotional, that is different. It is something that a wise man reminded me we cannot change, nor run from, when it strikes us. John is not a child anymore, and I think I have done him wrong by treating him as though he is."

"What are you telling me to do?"

Dad picked the bottle back up from where he had left it, forgotten, beside him, taking a long drink and then gesturing towards Bro with the neck of it.

"My son loves you, and you clearly love him. He was the happiest I have ever seen him before you were driven apart. I told him I would accept whoever made him happy - and although I do not like you, Mister Strider, and I shall not lie and say I do - you make him happy. I know I cannot accept you in an instant; but for my son? For John, I think I will try."

Dad was telling him to go after John.

Holy fuck, how drunk _was_ he?

"John needs you, whether or not I wish him to. I am doing him a greater disservice by telling you to stay away from him. Love does not need to be shared through touching, nor worse. I think all he needs now is to know that you are there for him, and that you love him, and that you can tell him with words and affection befitting of a young man his age."

"Is this you like, giving me your blessing?"

"For a romantic relationship, yes, but not for a sexual one. There is a vital difference, and you are fully aware of it. So long as John is leading, and is comfortable, and is not forced into anything, I suppose while I cannot approve of it, I can accept it."

Bro felt like thanking him, or acknowledging it somehow, but again he just drew a blank. Dad sighed, scratching at his hair with the hand holding the bottle. Even here, in the light, he looked like John, even if it was now an older John. Bro found he didn't care. If John grew up looking like that he would be a damn fine fucking guy.

"I know I am going to lose my son soon, Mister Strider." Dad told him, with a small smile. "It is the best I can hope for that I lose him to someone who will love him as much as he deserves."

"You've done a good job with him, you know." Bro replied, desperate to just say something that would return the sentiments being thrown wildly about. Dad laughed, shaking the bottle to confirm it was empty before he tossed it towards the small waste basket by the desk and managed to land it perfectly inside it, the sound of glass breaking jarring in the muffle quiet of the night.

"I did what I could, and what I could had to be enough. He is a wonderful young man. I am proud of him."

Bro nodded, as they sat there, starting to drift into their own thoughts. Tomorrow morning the first thing he was going to do was talk to John. Just sit down with him and sort their mess of a relationship out, for good. He desperately hoped he and Dad remembered all of this come morning; he felt like he finally understood the man, a little, and that maybe Dad understood him back.

At last, he thought of something to say.

"She would have been proud of him too."

Dad looked at him, eyes quickly filling with tears again, but this time as they ran down his face he smiled, broadly, eyes filling with sorrow and regret, but mostly with a fatherly joy.

"Yes," He murmured warmly, "I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah.
> 
> This chapter hurt my soul, and I really, really mean that.
> 
> There isn't much else to say.
> 
> ...
> 
> ...
> 
> I need to go write some fluff now.


	98. ==> John: Have A Headache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is becoming a habit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS I'M ALIVE
> 
> Here's the drill: We just got a really big project at work, and my Matesprit is currently going through a rough patch. This means my normal writing time has been totally disrupted! Plus with longer chapters, I like to spend a bit longer on them ANYWAY.
> 
> SO. For the time being the fic will update every other day. That's still pretty constantly, but it's just so you guys know! Once this project is done we'll see, but for now that's how it will be.
> 
> ANYWAY. Who wants fluff? I do!

John woke with a headache again. It wasn't as bad as the one the morning before, but it was still pretty terrible. He groaned, opening his eyes a crack and glaring at the sunlight streaming in through his window.

This was becoming a habit.

He sighed and groped for the painkillers he'd left out the night before, pushing himself up enough to take them with a gulp from the glass of water beside their now empty packaging. He sat there for a moment, as though their effects would be magically instantaneous, before grimacing and grabbing his glasses, putting them on and looking around.

"Good morning."

John screeched and jumped backwards, tangling in the covers and ending up falling backwards out of the bed, hitting the floor and flailing wildly to try to get out of the fabric now wrapped tight around his legs. He heard Bro snort, and calmed down enough to push himself up and glare over the edge of the bed at where the Strider was sitting on the other side of it, one eyebrow raised.

"I locked my door!"

"I picked your lock."

"Bro, that is not a thing normal people do!"

"Because I'm so normal, John."

John tried to escape the covers again, and Bro sighed, standing and moving over to help unravel him. As soon as he was free, the blonde was kneeling in front of him, mouth in a slight frown. Bro wavered, then wrapped him up in a tight hug, and John didn't hesitate before returning it.

"I'm sorry." Bro mumbled, chin against his shoulder. John squeezed him closer, just thankful to finally have a hug from him, some sign of warmth. They held each other, and when Bro pulled back it was to plant a soft kiss on John's forehead, before sitting back and giving him a guilty smile.

"Are we actually going to talk now?" John asked, shifting to sit cross-legged. Bro nodded, scratching at one of his sideburns. "Okay. Glasses off."

"Fuck, John, don't make me-"

"Nope. If we're talking, you take those off, okay? Please."

Bro sighed, taking them off with only a brief hesitation, leaning over to leave them on the bedside table. When he sat back, his golden eyes were unguarded and apprehensive. John relaxed at seeing them.

"So you're sorry."

"Yeah. I am." Bro shrugged. "Look, the Dave thing, I was an asshole, okay? I know I was just as fucking bad with Jake, and I'm sorry I just got mad about it without fucking thinking. You're right, you were doing what I told you, and I had no right to get upset about it."

"I don't want to do it anymore."

"I know, John." Bro leant forward, taking hold of his hand and squeezing it gently. John turned his hand so their fingers could entwine, smiling slightly when they did. "I won't force you. I was an ass about that, too. Shit, I'm pretty sure I've been a stupid fuck about everything, and it's about time I manned up and stopped messing you around."

"Oh my God, is the thirty-three year old finally going to act like an adult?"

"John, don't. This is hard, okay? I don't do emotional shit, you know that." He tightened his grip, and John squeezed back, their gazes still connected. "Listen, I'm not going to force you again, but yeah, until you're eighteen you can _choose_ to see other people and I won't care, alright? I'm gonna be a long way away and you're gonna need something while we're apart, so knock yourself out, if you want to."

"A choice is better than it being forced." John replied, with growing cheer. "And... does this mean we're still a thing?"

"John we never stopped being a thing."

"The way you were acting it felt like we did."

Bro looked a little hurt. He opened his arms, and John took the invitation to move into his lap, leaning against his shoulder. One gloved hand stroked his hair as the other continued to tightly hold John's, grip pulsing tighter.

"You're my boyfriend." Bro murmured, resting his lips to his forehead. "And I love you."

John smiled at that, snuggling closer, aware he was no longer really small enough to get away with it but not caring. Bro was still big enough to surround him when he hugged him. That was good enough.

"I love you too, Bro." He said softly, feeling warmth at just saying it, and not being told he was stupid. "I missed you so much."

"You know we're only here for a couple weeks, right? Then you'll have to wait again."

"Yeah, but when you aren't being a stupid asshole, it's worth waiting for you."

Bro laughed, kissing his hair gently, then nuzzling down at him until John tipped his head back, their lips meeting in a strong embrace that was like heaven after so long without anything. For a few moments they stayed together, just revelling in the warmth and the pressure of their mouths against each other, before John snapped, pushing up into it, hands rising quickly to hold Bro's rough cheeks as their kiss grew heavy and hot. It rapidly spiralled into desperate, quick motions, sloppy but so good he didn't care. He could taste Bro as his tongue flicked forward. With a groan, he dragged himself close and pushed his tongue between Bro's lips, shuddering when he sucked it, his piercing pressing up against it as John slowly slid back.

He gasped as their mouths came apart, staring up at Bro with wide eyes, then let the flush on his cheeks settle as he gave a breathless laugh.

"Yeah, I fucking missed you." John said happily, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. "You're still a good kisser."

"I'd fucking hope so. Ain't like I woulda lost the Strider skill."

John snorted, punching his shoulder lightly. "Strider skill? Whatever, dude."

"Totally a thing, patent and all." Bro leant in and kissed his cheek, then the corner of his mouth, lazily trailing his tongue over his lips and grinning when John's mouth fell open. "Eager little thing."

"It's been nine months." He replied, blush deepening with embarrassment. "Nine months and then I saw you and you were an ass to me. Come on, give me a break, okay?"

"Okay." Bro hummed, pushing into another kiss. It was fleeting but impassioned, and when it ended Bro gave him a strange look. "Shit it feels good to kiss _you._ "

John raised an eyebrow. "What's that tone for?"

"What tone?"

"It's good to kiss _me_." John tried to copy it, and Bro grimaced at him. "Seriously, why did you say it like that?"

"Doesn't matter."

"You would've just told me if it didn't matter."

"Drop it."

"No."

"John."

"Bro."

They glared at each other, before Bro rolled his eyes, not quite looking back to John. "Last night I was pretty trashed. Like, so drunk my common sense was taking a fucking holiday and had taken whatever fucking self-control I had with it. I was thinking about you a lot and when I headed to bed I saw you outside my room so I just sort of grabbed you and kissed you."

"Bro, I wasn't outside your room last night." John replied slowly, confused.

"No, you weren't." There was brief pause, as Bro scratched idly at his chin. He coughed. "Y'know, you look a _lot_ like your Dad."

"What's that got to do with..."

Wait.

No!

Oh God, _no_!

"Bro! Holy shit, tell me you didn't! Oh my God!"

"It wasn't that bad, I swear, I just kissed him like I'd, uh, kiss you-?"

"Like you'd kiss _me?_ No! Bro!"

"Look he didn't open his mouth so I didn't use tongue or anything-"

" _That doesn't make it better_!" John flailed at him, eyes wide. "Oh hey my boyfriend drunkenly made out with _my Dad_ but _at least there was no tongue_? Christ!"

"John-"

"You kissed _Dad!_ "

"Fuck's sake, John-"

" _You_ kissed Dad!"

" _John-_ "

"You _kissed_ -"

"John, that's enough."

He fell silent as Bro's face darkened, snapping out of his brief panic. For a moment, he stayed frozen, holding his breath. Then Bro's mouth twitched, and he burst out laughing, John blinking at him before glaring.

"It isn't funny!"

"Holy shit, yes it is! John I was so drunk I kissed Dad, come on. At the time I was fucking upset it wasn't you, but thinking about the look on his face? Fuck, that was golden." Bro snorted, then shrugged. "Anyway, your Dad's alright. I was wrong about him."

"What? Dad's _alright_?" He blinked, recoiling slightly. "No, dude. Who are you and what have you done with Bro?"

"We had a talk that didn't involve threatening to murder each other. All emotional and stuff. It was pretty chill. I get him now."

"Wait, so what, you tried to make out with him and his response was, oh! Suddenly we need to have a heart to heart!"

"Yeah, pretty much. We talked about a lot. Like what he feels about me and you, and your Mom, and that you're a little shit who's been stealing drinks."

John blushed, grinning weakly. Oh, they knew about that? Ha ha!

Shit.

"Why were you talking about Mom?" He asked quickly, to divert the conversation to more favourable waters. "She wouldn't like you talking about her without her there, man."

"Not Roxy, John. _Your_ Mom."

Abort! Abort! These waters were suddenly full of things that would make him cry in front of Bro.

"Oh. Dad doesn't talk about her much! I'm surprised he-" John's falsely cheerful voice was already unsteady, and Bro must have noticed, because he was quickly tugged back into a tight hug, one hand soothingly stroking his back. "Um. S-Sorry. It just makes me sad when I think about..."

"It's okay to be upset, John, holy shit, don't apologise for that."

John nuzzled against him. He felt warm and safe, and after a few minutes the stinging in his eyes faded away.

"What did he say about her?" He asked quietly, and Bro sighed.

"He was sorta drunk. Told me a lot. She sounds like she was great."

"I don't remember much about her. I sort of... I remember snatches of her. Like I know she read to me, and we used to play and stuff, but... I can't remember what she looked like, or what she sounded like. I wish I did."

"Don't you have photos?"

"Dad does, but there aren't any up. I think he gets too upset when they're around. I'd ask him for some but I always feel weird talking to him about her. He gets really quiet. It makes me feel so upset."

"He misses her."

"I know."

John sighed, smiling sadly when Bro kissed his head and held him tighter. The hurt in his chest lessened, as he heard Bro murmuring it was okay. He trusted him. He believed him. It was okay, and he would be fine.

"If you ever wanna talk I'd listen, John."

"Thanks, Bro. That means a lot. Heh." John smiled, kissing his neck. "I found it."

"What?"

"The soft squishy centre under the hard douchey shell. I told you I'd find it someday."

Bro thought it over for a second, then laughed again, ruffling his hair. "Holy shit, you're gonna bring that up after all this time? Yeah, John. Yeah, you found it. I'm a tsundere asshole, shock of the fucking century, and all you had to do was make me fall in fucking love with you to discover the sweet fluffy rabbit that is my soul."

"Is the sweet fluffy rabbit your spirit animal, Bro?"

"Fuck no. My spirit animal is a magnificent fucking stallion, mane blowing wild in the wind. Don't mess with my fucking spirit animal, he will end you."

"Of course it's a horse."

"Well go on, what's yours then, asshole?"

"A salamander."

"What?"

"It's a salamander."

"Huh, I was expecting yours to _actually_ be a bunny."

"No, it's totally a salamander, and it blows bubbles! I dream about it sometimes." John smiled broadly. "It's called Casey and it's the best!"

"Casey? Why am I surprised, of course it's called Casey."

"Does yours have a name?"

"Nope."

"Pffff, liar! It totally does." John poked him, and Bro rolled his eyes. "Come on, dude! Tell me. _Tell me_."

Bro mumbled something unintelligible, and John elbowed him. The Strider sighed exasperatedly. "I said... I said it's called Maplehoof."

"...Maplehoof."

"Don't judge me."

"Way too late for that, dude. Kind of a girly name for a stallion though. I bet you lied. I bet it's a pretty pony."

"Don't you dare talk shit about Maplehoof, man."

"I was just saying-" His sentence was lost in a shriek as Bro attacked his sides, and he struggled, kicking wildly. Through laughing and attempts at punching the Strider in the face he cursed in a panic. "NO! FUCK YOU, YOU KNOW I'M TICKLISH OH MY GOD _BRO_!"

"Say Maplehoof is the shit."

"YOUR FUCKING PONY IS THE SHIT NOW _GET OFF_!"

The relentless tickling stopped, and John gasped down air, slapping Bro's shoulder as he pushed himself up. "Asshole!" He wheezed at him, and Bro just laughed back, tugging him back into a cuddle when he tried to get up. "Let me go, you have _totally_ given up your hug privileges."

"Aw, don't say that, baby. You know you love me really."

"I do love you. You're still an asshole."

Bro kissed him, and John rolled his eyes before he kissed back, sharing a series of slow, gentle embraces that were full of nothing but happy feelings. For the first time, he really did feel like they were together. There was no doubt, no being told he was too young, no upset and arguments. There was just him, and Bro, laughing and hugging and kissing, and he was pretty sure this was the happiest he'd ever been. Everything was perfect, and his whole body felt fuzzy and warm.

"We should probably get to breakfast." Bro said reluctantly, when they finally broke apart. John's eyebrows leapt up.

"We? You're actually going to grace everyone with your presence?"

"Don't push your luck, John. I'll just stay here, I swear."

"No you won't. You'll come sit with me because you're my boyfriend and you love me."

"And I'm fucking hungry. There's that too."

"Pffft." John rolled his eyes. "How romantic."

"Romance is one of my strengths."

"Except it's really not."

"John, I will romance the _shit_ out of you. You'll be swooning in my arms like the blushing virgin you are."

"Dude, you couldn't romance anything. Your idea of romance is probably fucking stalking someone and then attacking them."

"Wait, you mean that _isn't_ romantic?" Bro looked shocked, frowning as he rubbed his chin. "Shit, give me a second here."

"Oh my God, I don't even know if that was a joke. Seriously, let me get up so I can get dressed."

Bro let him go, and John stumbled to his feet, stretching before he walked over the abandoned cover to get to his bag. He didn't think about what he was doing until his foot came down on a bump in the fabric that had something under it.

The something squeaked.

He heard Bro choke and lunged to try and stop him but Bro grabbed him and threw him onto the bed. John scrambled back to look at the blonde as he ducked under the covers, reappearing with the orange smuppet in his hand and a broad, shocked grin on his face. 

"Holy shit!"

"Bro, give it back."

"You actually _own_ one of these?"

"Bro..."

"Oh my God, do you _use_ it?"

"Uh-"

"Do you _like_ it?"

"Bro!" John's face was bright red, but Bro was still grinning at him like a kid who'd just met Santa. "Fuck, yes, I use it, okay? And yes! It's not that bad! Dave gave it to me as a joke when I left you guys in March and once I got over being appalled I got curious."

"Little shit never paid for it." Bro hummed happily. "He better fucking cough up. I might give him a family discount but these things take effort, man."

"He freaked out when I said I actually like, did stuff with it." John admitted, starting to relax, a small smirk forming on his lips.

"His face must have been beautiful. Just perfection. I'm heart broken I missed it."

"He looked at me like I'd just told him I murder puppies for fun."

"Of course he did. Oh hey, this one vibrates, that'll cost him."

"Bro you're not seriously going to make him pay for that."

"Yes I am. He gave you an orange one, holy fuck, _yes._ You know what this needs, John? This needs a hat and glasses. Maybe gloves. Yes, yes it does."

"Oh my God you're going to make it look like you."

"Yes I am."

"Holy shit." This was so cute. John was trying not to squeal. "Yes, fuck yes, do that."

"Lil Bro to take care of you when I'm not around."

"Oh my God, yes." He laughed, and it was an easy laugh, which felt so nice. "I'm so going to show Dave."

"He'll scream."

"He deserves it."

Bro played with it for a second, before his smile turned filthy and he raised an eyebrow. "So why was it in your bed, hmm?"

"I was fucking cuddling it and telling it what a douche you are."

"Oh. _Cuddling_ it. I see."

"Bro don't make it sound dirty."

"I was just repeating what you told me."

"Yeah but I wasn't leering and suggestively wiggling a smuppet ass at you when I said it."

Bro wiggled it again and John snorted, standing and manoeuvring more successfully to get his clothes. He could hear Bro quietly squeaking the smuppet and actually giggling to himself. God, he was dating such an overgrown child.

Heh.

He loved him though.

John didn't think about changing in front of Bro until he was pulling off his briefs and the Strider whistled behind him, earning himself those same briefs being flung at his head. Bro laughed, and John quickly dressed, glaring at Bro as he did up the buttons on his shirt.

"What? It was nice view."

"I'm sure it was. Either put that thing down or captchalogue it, Bro, no smuppets at the breakfast table."

"Aww, Lil Bro is so disappointed." The smuppet disappeared into his sylladex, and John shook his head at him, leading the way to his door. "You're such a smuppetist."

"A what?"

"Prejudice against smuppetkind has to end. They deserve the same rights as the rest of us."

"Bro, don't you go all social justice on me about smuppets."

"It's a big political issue, John." Bro waved his hands to reinforce the point, deadpanning as he continued firmly, "They go on about healthcare and taxes, but when are our politicians going to debate what _really_ matters?"

"By which you mean smuppet rights."

"Too fucking right I do."

"You should make t-shirts." John airily gestured down himself, snapping his fingers when he followed it up with, "Organise a rally."

"John, don't say these things. You know I fucking will."

"Dress Dave as a smuppet, he can be your mascot."

"...So tempting..."

Their serious expressions lasted for barely a minute before they both laughed, and John grinned at him as Bro smiled back. A pink flush spread over his freckled cheeks, before he coughed and awkwardly looked away.

John's smile faltered, until he felt a gloved hand take hold of his and squeeze it tightly. He looked down at where Bro was gripping him, and chuckled, shifting his fingers so their hands could interlock and Bro's hold didn't feel like a kid holding hands for the first time.

"You're adorable." He murmured, lifting their linked fingers and kissing Bro's knuckles. "I love you."

"I'm not adorable, I'm totally fucking cool."

"Of course you are, Bro."

"Hmmph... love you too."

John laughed at him, and tugged him down the corridor, pleased there was no signs of their hands being parted. He felt like skipping, and if he still had the body for it, he would have. As it was he settled for walking with a bounce in his step.

This was the best morning ever. He had Bro not being a total ass and he felt happy for the first time in forever. Maybe this holiday was going to be great after all!

They reached breakfast just as everyone was settling down, and John quickly made sure they got seats together as Bro waved off the stare he got from Dave. Dave gestured at their hands and made a motion like he was throwing up. Bro responded by throwing his middle finger up at him, and tugging John down onto his lap as he sat down. John chuckled, and kissed his cheek before wriggling free, sitting beside him.

Across the table Karkat and Terezi were silently applauding him. He grinned and bowed to them, before setting about trying to grab the best pieces of toast before anyone else got to them.

"Hey, Dave. You owe me sixty dollars."

Oh he was _not_ going to do this!

"What?" Dave replied blankly, as John choked on his toast and elbowed Bro in the ribs. Bro calmly put a hand on his cheek and pushed him away.

"You take the merchandise, you pay for the merchandise, even if it went to a good cause."

"Oh my God. Fuck no, I'm not paying for that thing, you can take it back!"

"Can't take it back once it's been used."

Dave squeaked, and John tried to hide his blush and nervous laugh behind a gulp of orange juice, because even though no one else probably knew what they were talking about, he did, and it was embarrassing hearing it out loud with so many people around. Bro had calmly pulled out a pen, and was writing a bill on one of the napkins the table was laid with. John elbowed him again, which made him laugh as he flashed the bill onto Dave's plate.

"Sixty dollars? Seriously? Fuck you."

"Alright, alright. Fifty five, family discount."

"Asshole."

"It's just business, Dave."

Dave muttered but folded the receipt into his pocket. Satisfied, Bro turned to his food, and John relaxed again, rolling his eyes at him but smiling when Bro shot him a quick wink.

Yeah, he was totally going to make Dave pay.

"Ah, Mister Strider."

No, Dad talking to Bro was not something John wanted ever again! He looked up at where his father was settling in the seat beside Mom, impeccable as ever except for the bags under his eyes. Bro looked up and gave a nod, and John narrowed his eyes at both of them.

"Apologies for any inappropriate behaviour last night, I was more intoxicated than I would like to have been."

"Eh, it's cool, bro. I probably fucked up more than you."

"Nonetheless, it was a fairly enjoyable experience. I would not mind repeating it sometime, perhaps without the drunkenness."

"I'd be up for that."

Mom was looking between them, eyebrows up and mouth open. At last she leant across the table towards Bro.

"We just talked, Roxy." He said before she could do anything else, and she raised a finger and waved it at his face.

" _I ship this._ " She whispered aggressively, before slumping back into her seat and reaching for her glass.

Dad cleared his throat and began mixing himself a coffee, and Bro snorted, before glancing at John. The younger man glared back.

"No, John, not that bit. I have all the Egbert I need right here, idiot."

"Sure you do."

"Don't make me do some sort of sappy love confession at the table, man. At least wait until we're alone."

"I'm expecting roses and a card that says 'sorry I'm a blind douchebag who can't tell you and other people apart'."

"And you will have them, babe. Now stop pouting before I have to kiss that thing away and Dave throws up all over the place."

He tried to hold in the smile but he couldn't do it, ending up punching Bro's shoulder and then leaning his head on it, contentedly nibbling his toast at the odd angle. Dave pulled a face at him, Jade made _oh God so cute_ motions, and Dad sort of gave a smile that looked really out of place given the cold looks he was used to him and Bro getting. He chose to be happy with those reactions.

After all, he had Bro. He was floating on the wind, and right now nothing was going to bring him back down to earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Rolls around in BroJohn*
> 
> The crash won't come for a while guys, you're cool. They deserve some happy after all I have to them...
> 
> ...and am planning to do. >;]


	99. ==> Bro: Relax With Your Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It should have been him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The crash for John still isn't due for a while, but hey. I figured Bro needed a reality check. :D

There was a simple pleasure in lying on the couch with John. With the exception of Dave, who made his displeasure clear everytime he glanced their way and pulled faces ranging from anger to upset, no one else cared that they were tangled up together. Most people actually seemed _supportive_ of it. After a discussion with Rose, where she sat cross-legged on the floor beside them and said she was pleased both of them were finally working through their complex relationship issues, John had practically fallen asleep with his head against Bro's shoulder. When Roxy noticed she brought them over a blanket, tucking it over him and giving Bro a small smile.

"You were so mad at Mumma 'bout that mistletoe, y'know. I'd love to go back in time an' just wave this moment right here in your stupid face."

"Well I'm glad you're not going to be smug or anything, Rox."

"Baby, I _earned_ the right to be smug about this. I told you so. I told you _good_."

"I guess you did, Ro-"

"You should totes get with Dad though, mmmkay? That's a sandwich I would be the fillin' of any day."

He blinked at her wiggling eyebrows, before snorting, shoving her lightly back. "Roxy, no, holy shit. We just talked."

"Dad says you did more than talk." Roxy cooed back in a sing-song voice, clasping her hands excitedly. "He says there was some hot Distri-Dad kissin' action goin' down."

"He did not say it like that."

"Well no, he said you drunkenly sorta kissed his face 'cause you thought he was John, but a girl can dream." She sighed wistfully, then laughed. "Gotta admit, I don't blame you for that mistake. I have been _so close_ to coppin' a feel of the wrong one sometimes, seriously."

"Eh, when Dad shaves again there won't be that problem." Bro observed, stroking John's curls and smiling to himself at how cute the younger man looked. He was now actually unconcious, lips slightly parted and face relaxed, one hand loosely gripping Bro's shirt.

"Yeah, 'cept I made him promise he won't."

"What?"

"He isn't gonna shave his head again. I like his hair. It's all curly an' hot. The worst thing is he didn't even know it was like that! He said his Mumma started shavin' it when he was little an' he just never stopped. You should hear him in the mornin', he just mutters about it to his reflection, tryin' to figure out how to straighten it. Thought with his blood it would be neat or whatever, but nope. It's a total mess, and I _love_ it." Roxy nodded to herself, grinning down at him. "So sorry baby, we're gonna be mixin' them up for a while, an' I take no responsibility for anythin' I do to the wrong one."

"Fuck's sake, Rox. Please don't grope my fucking boyfriend."

"Oh but _please_ , kiss my sugardaddy whenever you want."

"Wait... Shit, don't marry him, if you fucking do and I get with John you'd be my Mom-in-law, holy fuck, _no._ "

"Yeah well if John gets with you-" Her voice cut off, and her ever present smile wavered. Bro opened his mouth to ask but she quickly shook her head at him. "Never mind, just the drink talkin'! I should go see how Dad's doin', he was suffering pretty hard this mornin'."

"Uh, okay?"

"Later, Distri. Oh, an' you should really talk to Davey, the lil guy's been givin' you evils all day."

"I know, I was going to-"

She was already gone. He rolled his eyes at empty air before he turned his attention back to John, smiling fondly as he watched him snuggle a little deeper into the folds of his top. They had ended up chest to chest, John's legs either side of one of his own, one hand down by his side with their fingers still interlocked. It was comfortable, and made him feel all fuzzy inside, in ways that were probably far too sappy to still be cool. He couldn't give less of a shit, because it was John, and everything _John_ was good.

Hell, everything John was fucking _perfect._

Bro sighed and brushed his boyfriend's cheek with his fingertips, knowing there was no way in hell he'd be able to kiss him without moving out from under him. He tried to decide whether it was worth it as his gaze drifted across the room. Roxy had, as she said, gone over to perch on Dad's knee, Dirk sitting on the arm of the chair beside them. The kids were all sprawled across the floor, and Kanaya was sitting brushing Karkat's hair to try and tame it, Terezi cackling as she only succeeded in making it even frizzier.

Then his gaze caught sight of Dave, and the dark glare his brother was pointing towards him. He silently raised an eyebrow and with a slight flush Dave looked away.

Okay, that shit had gone on long enough.

Reluctantly, Bro shifted carefully across the couch, tenderly rolling John off of him to try and avoid waking him. As the younger man's back softly hit the leather, he groaned and shifted in his sleep, but as Bro murmured soothing nonsense and stroked his forehead he quickly relaxed again, and the Strider smiled, quickly stealing a soft kiss before he stood and sidled over towards Dave.

His brother stood and met him at the side of the room, away from the others, sensing the conversation was probably not one to be had when surrounded by his friends. Bro looked at his own eyes in the reflective expanse of Dave's shades when they met, and took in the kid's frown, and the way his eyebrows were pulled low behind them, responding with a calm tilt of his head.

"So you and John are a thing now." Dave said finally, voice low.

"We've been a thing for a while, you little shit. Keep up."

"Well you're finally a fucking hold-hands-and-snuggle-until-Dave-vomits thing."

"Yes we are."

"No more, oh hey John, go be a whore."

"Nope."

"One hundred fucking percent in dokis."

"Yep."

Dave shifted agitatedly, folding his arms over his chest in a rare, fairly blatant show of emotion. It was enough that Bro was sure what was annoying him, and he frowned. They both needed to get shit off their chest, that was clear, the air thick with pent up frustration at one another. He stooped a little to his height, and Dave stayed staring calmly back.

"John is one hundred fucking percent my boyfriend."

"Good for you."

"And I don't appreciate fuckers who try and make a move on him knowing that."

"Hold up-" Dave snapped, clearly sensing where this was going.

"Especially not assholes who suck his damn dick when they're well fucking aware of what shit is like between us."

"He told you that?" Dave spluttered, then quickly pulled his shocked face back to a deadpan. "So _what?_ You told him to slut it up, so guess what? He fucking _did_. I enjoyed every fucking second of it until he messed everything up, and screw you, Bro! I'd do it again. Some of us _actually_ love him enough we don't play with him like a fucking puppet, telling him what he can do and can't do, letting him get close and then pulling his strings to drag him away. Some of us actually give a fuck about him!"

"I give a lot of fucks about him."

"You haven't for the past nine months!"

Bro's eyebrows raised sharply. "Little shit. You wanna go, asshole?"

"I want you to actually stop fucking around with my best friend and either leave him alone or start acting like the boyfriend he fucking deserves!"

He leant closer, hands tightening into shaking fists, angry but certain of himself. "I'd do anything for him."

"But you weren't there when he needed you!"

"I'm here now, you fucking idiot, and you do _not_ get to talk to me that way!"

"What are you gonna do, strife me?"

"Well if you fucking insist."

"I wasn't insisting! I-" Dave groaned as Bro drew his katana, raising his hands to the sky. "Why? Why are you doing this?"

"I dunno, why are you fucking staring at me like I've stolen your fucking boyfriend?"

"I'm not-"

"Oh don't even try it, even Rox noticed you giving me fucking murder glares."

"So I'm not allowed to be even slightly upset about all of this?"

"Be upset all you like, but don't try and make me feel like shit _after_ I've talked everything through with John."

"Yeah, talked everything through. Whatever. I bet you just snapped your fingers and he came running like the fucking trained dog he is to you."

"Holy fuck, _Dave_!"

"I bet it's fucking true!"

"No, it's not! Wow, I'm glad you think so highly of me you don't think I would actually just _talk to my boyfriend._ "

"It's nothing to do with what I think about you, it's what I fucking _know_ about you."

"Well then I guess you don't know me as well as you think."

They glared at each other, and then Bro leant his katana on his shoulder, jabbing a thumb at the ceiling. "Roof. Five minutes. You know the fucking drill."

"Bro we aren't fucking doing this."

"Yeah, Dave, we are."

" _Bro-_ "

He had flashstepped towards the door before Dave could spill whatever agitated sentiment he started, and was slipping outside by the time he heard his brother snap and shout an angry " _FINE!_ " in his wake.

.:.

Dave was ready this time. The little shit was learning. The moment he swung up onto the platform around the observatory dome, he was already on the offensive, using the momentum to drive into rapid dive for Bro's legs.

He didn't have his usual time to think, or goad. He'd barely reached the roof himself when Dave came barreling at him, and he very nearly didn't sidestep in time to avoid it. Despite his moment of surprise, he still managed to move, and as Dave tucked into a roll back onto his feet, Bro swung forward and pushed himself into a rolling jump, bringing his foot up high into a hard kick against the back of Dave's neck. It sent his brother stumbling forward as he continued the motion into a smooth landing, straightening and pulling his sword around to clash against Dave's blade, swiftly raised in defence.

They glared at one another. Dave was the first to move.

With a grunt he had darted for the ladder and Bro chased him, managing to grab hold of his shirt just as Dave's fingers grasped the metal. He pulled back on the fabric and Dave wheezed, but clung tight. Without warning he threw his sword back into his strife deck and leapt backwards with arms straight out, using Bro's tight grip to pull the top off of him and quickly equpping his sword once he was bare-chested and free of his brother's grip.

"Clever little shit." Bro spat, annoyed by the smirk he got back. In a moment of frustration, he flipped his sword and stabbed it straight through the shirt, slashing the thing practically in half. It quickly turned Dave's smug look into a furious snarl.

"Asshole! The was my favourite fucking record shirt!"

"Yeah, well it's a broken record now." Bro replied, tossing it at his feet.

"Fuck you!" Dave lunged over it and brought his sword down fast towards Bro's head, the larger katana meeting it with a clash that vibrated up their arms. Bro cocked his head.

"Really, kid? Thought you preferred fucking John."

" _Bro_!" Dave choked a little, and Bro used the hesitation to force his sword aside, kneeing him in the stomach and shoving him backwards as he doubled over.

"So you wanna talk shit about me and John. Okay, cool." Dave went to stand and Bro quickly brought a foot down onto his back, forcing him hard against the metal floor. "Let's start with the fact that whatever you fucking think, I _love_ him. Not just crush on him, or wanna get in his pants, or whatever fucking shit you think about me. _I love him._ "

"Yeah well you _would_ fucking say that!" Dave spat into the metal. Bro snorted.

"What the fuck do I have to do to prove it to you? Take him as my blushing fucking bride? Dave I know you're struggling with this but I'm actually in love with your best friend. _Get over it._ "

"He's fifteen!"

"I _know_ , holy fuck, I know! You think I don't worry about that? You think that doesn't fucking keep me awake at night sometimes when I wonder if I've fucked him up? When I wonder if I'm ruining him? I _know_ he's fifteen, and I fucking tried to get over it, but I can't. _We_ can't. He knows what he wants and I know what I want and God, Dave, if I could I would wait but why the fuck should his age stop me loving him and why should it stop him loving me?"

"You're not even trying to hide it anymore. What about his fucking Dad?"

There was the ace up his sleeve. Bro took a deep breath, then moved his foot and crouched, catching Dave's shoulder as his brother sat up so the younger Strider ended up sitting at his eye level.

"His Dad told me to do this."

"Bullshit." Dave snapped instantly, and Bro sighed, trying to look sincere.

"Dave, I'm not fucking with you. Dad said we're fucking happier when we're with each other and he wasn't gonna tell me to jump John's fucking dick but that we were probably better off together."

"This is the same man who practically fucking killed you because you were with John."

"He had good fucking reasons, Dave."

"Yeah, and he should still have those same fucking reasons!"

"Dave, you don't even know what his reasons _were_."

"His reasons were you were fucking with his kid!"

"Yeah, that he thought I was _fucking_ with him. Fucking _him_. What he told me was he was fine with the fucking _emotional_ shit between me and John. He'd still kill me if I pushed John into anything sexual again-"

"If you _pushed_ him _again_?" Dave asked sharply, and Bro groaned, rubbing his eyes. "What the fuck, you _forced_ him?"

"There was one time he said no and I didn't listen and I feel like shit even thinking about it. I apologised, I've never done it again, his Dad beat the shit out of me for it. End of story."

"No, _not_ end of story! _You fucking raped my best friend!_ "

Bro's gaze snapped back to him.

No.

Holy fuck, _no._

"Whoa, _fuck_ no, I didn't-"

"You did shit to him without his consent, what else do you fucking call that?"

"I-" Bro tripped over his words, because none of them were pleasant, finally forcing out, "It doesn't fucking matter, it was dealt with, and I swear, I would never do anything to him he didn't want again, never."

"So that first time in the fucking shower, he didn't _want_ that? What about the other time I heard him fucking groaning through the walls!"

"That was all him, and don't you _dare_ bring that night up, when I have had nothing but you and your girlfriend screaming when she stays and you are _both_ underage and should both know fucking better!"

"So what, because you're older it makes it better? Because he's being fucked by a guy who is _literally as old as his Dad_ , that makes it fucking _peachy_?"

"Dave, _I have never fucked John_!"

"Well it fucking _sounded like it!_ "

"The first time the most he got was my fucking hand and the second time _we were still wearing clothes_ you stupid _asshole._ Guess what, _you_ have had more contact with _my fucking boyfriend's dick_ than _I_ have!"

"I..." Dave blinked at him, visibly losing steam. "Wait. What?"

"Well done, Dave, you gave him his first fucking blowjob, and you gave him his first fucking time doing anything more fucking serious than being groped in a shower or frotting. _Congratulations._ I'm so fucking happy that you got to share that experience with him instead of me!"

"Bro-"

"I was willing to fucking _wait_ , okay? I was _going to wait._ But he wasn't and I lost that first time to you, and yeah. That... hurts." Bro paused, gaze dropping as he finally gave voice to the things he hadn't wanted to feel. "I was going to wait, but I was looking forward to it. I sort of... I knew I'd told him to go away, yeah, but there was a part of me that thought maybe... maybe he cared enough he'd wait too. That even though I'd given him free reign he'd choose to save it for me."

"He's a horny gay teenage guy." Dave muttered, in a voice that made it sound like he was quoting. Bro laughed quietly.

"I know, and I guess I forgot that."

Dave stared at him, and then sighed, hugging his knees to his chest as he rested his chin atop them. "If it makes you feel better, the fucking it up I mentioned? He said your fucking name when he finished."

"I guess that helps a little." Bro tried to smirk, but his spirit wasn't really in it. "You musta been pissed."

"Yeah well, he was _literally_ pissed. He'd been knocking back whiskey like he could handle it, which he couldn't. I almost stopped, 'cause yeah, okay. I want to fuck him. If you hadn't realised this by now you're fucking blind. I just didn't want it to be like that. Not 'cause he was drunk and lonely and I was just... horny as hell. Not like that."

"But you did it."

"Yeah, and I lied, Bro. I fucking regret it, especially now he's actually _with_ you. I feel like I was fucking used, or like I... like I was clinging to something I was pretending I could still have."

"Do you love him?"

"Maybe. I know it ain't like I love Rez, but... maybe."

"It hurts, doesn't it?"

Dave glanced up at him, and for a while they just looked at each other, faces more open than they wanted, souls for once on show.

"Yeah." His brother mumbled finally, burying his head back in his arms.

Bro sighed and shuffled over, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug. Dave didn't even bother resisting. A moment later, they were both holding each other, and Bro gave a soft breath that he desperately tried to keep calm.

"Dave, I know I've done things to John that are... are so fucking messed up, okay? I know that. I should've known better than to trust myself around him, but I fucked up, and I've regretted it every fucking day since. I'm so fucking sorry for what I did, what I've done. All of it. I used to think I should just... stay away."

"But now you love him."

"Yeah, I love him." Bro repeated, squeezing him tighter for comfort. "And I know staying away is gonna hurt us both more, now. I fucked up bad, and he knows that too, but he forgave me for it, and I've been so careful since, I swear. I'd never hurt John again, not if I can help it. I'd never, ever fucking force him again, holy shit."

"If you're serious about this shit, if you're really gonna be his fucking boyfriend-"

"-I _am_ , Dave-"

"-then you better treat him fucking right, okay? If he tells me you've given him shit, or hurt him, or fucked up again, I will fucking hurt _you_."

"You've only beaten me once, y'know."

"Yeah, Bro. And that was the one time I was fighting for _him_."

Bro's small smile faltered, and he felt Dave's arm squeeze him, closing his eyes and just letting his brother's warmth comfort him. Of course it was. Of course. The first time he'd made John cry, and Dave had been the one to rush to his aid.

"I'm glad you're his best friend, kid." He confided softly, and Dave snorted, but nodded. "You promise me, whatever happens, you'll keep looking out for him. Even if it means beating me senseless. If I ever fuck up with John, I'll deserve it."

"Free pass to beat the shit out of you? Fuck yes I'll promise if I get that."

"Dave, I'm being serious."

"Bro," Dave murmured, all the joke gone from his voice, "this is about looking after _John._ So am I."

Bro nodded again, and then broke apart, sitting back and staring awkwardly into space like they tended to do after moments of emotion. After a pause, Dave laughed to himself.

"I told Rez what happened."

"What did she say?"

"She wanted to know if he really tastes like blueberry."

Despite himself, Bro laughed, and Dave chuckled, and the tension between them dimmed a little, the words that had spilled from them having done a lot to ease the pain.

"Does he?" Bro asked with a smirk, and Dave gave him a look of mock pity.

"Sorry, Bro. You're gonna be disappointed."

"It's cool, I never liked blueberry much anyway. I prefer lemon."

"Of course you do."

"Don't tell Rez that though. Don't want her thinking her weird tasting sounds things is actually onto something."

"Can't be. I'm not her apple juice flavoured coolkid."

"Hah!"

"It's true, though."

Bro snickered, nodding in agreement. "I'm surprised you don't bleed the fucking stuff, sometimes."

"Have you ever actually _tasted_ my blood?"

"Apple all the way?"

"Apple all the fucking way, Bro."

They fell silent again, now more upbeat, until Dave sighed and shrugged.

"I guess if you actually fucking watch yourself, John will be pretty fucking lucky to have you. I'll be honest. You give more of a shit about him than I thought."

"...Thanks, kid." Bro smiled slightly, and Dave shrugged again, rolling his eyes and blushing. "That actually means a lot."

"Yeah, yeah, don't get all excited. You're still a massive fucking douchecanoe. You're just one who'll look out for my best friend, and that's better than him being with some asshole who doesn't care."

Bro just let his smile widen, and Dave leant over to punch his shoulder, standing unsteadily and grabbing his sword before he headed to the ladder.

"If anyone asks," He added, pausing at the top of it, "It was a great fucking strife. You demolished me. No emotional talking shit. Just good old fashioned hitting each other with pointy swords until we magically worked through our problems."

"Sure thing, lil man."

Dave nodded curtly, then slid out of sight, and Bro smiled at where he had been. At last, he turned his golden gaze up to the sky, and lost himself in his racing thoughts and the shapes he found in the great expanses of the fluffy grey clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas next time. So many ships and fluffy bits and aaaaaah.
> 
> No angst, not a drop, I pinkie promise.


	100. ==> John: Celebrate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna be a big Christmas!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, cherubs. It's been a few days but I wanted 100 to be special so enjoy a chapter that's hopefully long enough (this thing is over 13k words what am I fucking doing) and interesting enough to make up for the missed days! BIG THINGS HAPPEN. BIG FUCKING THINGS.
> 
> I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with answering comments, but I'll get to it tomorrow. :D
> 
> For now, please God enjoy! This was a labour of love, my sweets, and it was all for you.

"John."

He groaned and rolled over, pulling the covers up over his head. Whatever time of morning it actually was, it was too-early-for-this-shit o'clock, and he'd been having a great dream about flying through a perfect sky until he was dragged back to reality.

" _Joooohn._ "

The cover was tugged insistently, and he sighed, opening his eyes and glaring into the fabric.

"Bro, what time is it?" He asked, voice a little raspy as it tended to be when he'd just woken up. He felt his boyfriend sit down on the bed beside him, a hand settling on his hip.

"Like four AM, I think? I notice you locked your door again, like that will actually stop me."

"I was hoping you'd take the hint so I could actually get some sleep. I appreciate being woken up with kisses every morning, but at _four_? You used to complain if I woke you up at six!"

"I wanted to make sure I got up before you." Bro mumbled back, hand slipping away, and John sighed, rolling onto his back and sitting up as he pushed the covers down.

"Why did you-?"

"Merry Christmas." Bro said quickly, thrusting a small box wrapped in golden paper against his chest. John blinked, taking hold of it. A smile began spreading over his face.

"It's Christmas? Wow! I was so tired I didn't even remember, that's terrible. Um. Merry Christmas, Bro. You still didn't need to wake me up at four."

"Shoosh. Only gifts now."

"Seriously, dude, I feel like I'm gonna pass out any minute here. I should get some more-"

"John." Bro said firmly, putting a hand over his mouth and ignoring the glare John shot at him. "Open your present."

The younger man relented at the slight pleading tone in the Strider's voice, gesturing for his glasses and pushing them on as Bro handed them to him. Instantly, the mess of colours took shape, and he smiled behind Bro's hand, the blonde in the sweater Mom had graced him with this year (a dark pink thing covered in white ponies with ribbons in their manes) and looking almost respectable. Almost.

John looked down to the present as Bro lowered his hand, and slit the paper with a nail, peeling it open and revealing a plain black box beneath. Bro was watching apprehensively, and he swallowed as John used his thumbs to push it open, eyes moving from the box to John's face.

"I know it's stupid but I thought... I dunno, it's the sort of shit you're meant to do, right? So I thought..." He laughed nervously when John stayed silent. "Uh. Yeah, I probably shouldn't have..."

"Bro," John replied softly, without looking up. "Stop talking, you're ruining the moment."

The Strider fell silent, and John carefully reached into the box, fingers lightly taking hold of the ring inside and lifting it out so he could get a closer look. It was silver, thick, and set into a slight depression there was a heart, half solid pink stone and half outlined in tiny, inlaid gems. He blushed as he turned it over, toying with it and then sliding it onto his ring finger, pleased it actually fit.

"If you wear it there your Dad will think I proposed." Bro mumbled, and John chuckled, shrugging.

"Maybe I want to pretend you did."

Bro blinked at him and went red, and John grinned, revelling in leaving the Strider speechless. He traced the shape of the heart as he waited for Bro's voice to return, and when it did it was with an awkward clearing of his throat.

"There's a chain under the cushion for you to wear it on if you want."

"Alright. Maybe in a while I'll put it on. Right now, it can stay where it is." John shuffled over, kissing his cheek. "I can't believe you got me this, wow! My presents are so shit now."

"They won't be shit. They're from you."

"Oh my God, _Bro._ "

"And you said I couldn't romance."

"Pfff. Whatever."

"I've got something else for you."

John sat back, giving him a look of mock annoyance. "Because giving me the ring wasn't enough to totally win the Christmas gambit?"

"Nope. You need to see my masterpiece."

"And what is-?" John broke off when Bro ejected the orange smuppet into his hands, offering it up with a grin. He stared, and then in a hushed voice, he managed, "Oh my God. It has _freckles._ "

"It has freckles."

"And a hat."

"And glasses. And check it, I even made little leather-feel gloves."

John took one of the hands and felt them, laughing and then taking it off of the blonde so he could look it over. The stitching was amazing, and he didn't even want to know where Bro had got the materials from, especially for the perfect miniature shades. He squeezed it to make it squeak, and laughed again. "You made the squeak deeper, holy shit."

"Couldn't have Lil Bro sounding too high."

"So it's called Lil Bro then."

"Well yeah, then it matches Lil John."

He looked up to Bro as the Strider ejected the tiny doll and held it up, still in pristine condition. John's eyes widened. "...You still have that?"

"Never leaves my sylladex, unless I'm, uh... unless I'm talking to him."

"You talk to him?"

"Well yeah, I mean... Fuck, come on, John, you know about Cal, is this really that much of a push?"

"Does Cal get jealous?" John teased gently, still inwardly thrilled his present had seen use. Bro blushed.

"Sometimes. I've been trying to get them to get along."

Holy shit, Bro was the cutest thing _ever._

"I love you." John hummed, hugging the smuppet to his chest as he leant back in for a kiss. Bro smiled against his lips, and when they broke apart he took John's hand, kissing his knuckles and then kissing the ring.

"I love you too, John." He murmured, moving it so John was cupping his cheek. "You can get some sleep now, if you want. I just really wanted to give you your presents."

"I'd rather spend the time with you." John smiled, thumb stroking his smooth skin. "You woke me up with adorableness."

"I'm not adorable, I am manly as _fuck_."

"Of course you are, baby." He laid the smuppet down on his pillow, carefully adjusting the shades so they sat straight. When it was just right, he turned back to Bro. "Come here and cuddle me like a man, then."

Bro pulled himself up onto the bed fully, moving up it and wrapping his arms around John. The hug was eagerly returned, and as John nuzzled into his shoulder he smiled, pretty certain this was going to be his favourite Christmas ever, if it carried on like this. Where his hands met behind Bro's back his finger found the metal again, playing with it, each touch filling him with warmth.

"So we've got a few hours to kill before anyone else will be awake." Bro murmured by his ear, following it with a gentle kiss there that made him shiver. "What d'you wanna do until then?"

"I was planning on just cuddling you and maybe talking, I guess. Do you have a better idea?"

"Maybe."

"Let's hear it then."

"Looking out the window, I figure there's practically a whole garden fulla undisturbed snow. Crisp white as far as the eye can see." John felt Bro move a hand to gesture out wide behind his back, and chuckled. "I propose we go and wreck that shit. Angels and snowmen and whatever the fuck we want. Our reward for being up so damn early."

"I thought you didn't like the cold."

"Eh, I can stomach it if it means I get to spend time with you. Dave says you like the snow."

"Well yeah, I do, but..."

"But nothing. Get dressed in whatever horror show Rox made you, and then you can show me what the fuck is so great about frozen water."

Bro let him go, and John made a point of rolling his eyes at him, but stood and went to find his clothes regardless. He was actually looking forward to getting Bro outside, since he was pretty sure he'd never actually seen him out there, except for the first time he'd ever greeted him. Snow _was_ great, and he would prove it to him, even if he was utterly certain it would take all of five seconds for the Texan to start bitching about how cold he was.

He hadn't unwrapped his sweater yet, so apprehensively lifted the parcel from where he'd abandoned it on his desk, prying open the paper and considering how bad it could be, given Bro's pony-strewn outfit.

"Bro." He said carefully, as it spilled out into his hands. "Did you talk to Mom, at all, about certain things we shared?"

"Whatever makes you say that, John?"

"Your sweater is covered in ponies."

"And?"

John turned, holding his sweater up to himself, glaring at where Bro choked on a laugh. "And mine is covered with _bubble blowing salamanders._ "

"Holy shit, _Roxy_." Bro snickered, grinning as John looked it over, the salamanders gold and the bubbles a light blue against a darker blue background. "Okay, so maybe I mentioned it. I wasn't expecting her to actually make us themed sweaters."

"You should've known her better than that, then." He put it to one side as he dressed, then tugged it over his head, smoothing down the front. "At least no one else will know what the fuck they mean."

"Yo, I am proud to bear Maplehoof's image upon my chest."

"Bro, it's a pony with a love-heart on its ass and a ribbon in its hair."

" _Proud._ "

"Oh yeah, that thing just _screams_ Pride."

Bro shrugged, patting one of the ponies and whispering that John didn't mean that, he loved her really. John snorted, but pulled out his sweater by the hem to look over his salamanders, secretly over the moon with how they looked. It was just like he'd imagined them!

Huh.

He hadn't told Bro how he imagined them.

"Hey, Bro-?"

"Hurry up and get your coat on, John."

Like that his train of thought was derailed, and he blinked, frowning as he couldn't quite recall what he'd been going to say. He shrugged and chose to focus instead on finally getting ready to go out, grabbing his big, puffy snow jacket. He did it up after a few failed attempts to line up both halves of the zip, and then added in his scarf and a hat for good measure.

He had to wait in the corridor while Bro vanished into his own room to get dressed, but once the Strider emerged in a much sleeker black coat John grabbed his hand and excitedly dragged him down towards the main hall, and the door beyond it. This was going to be great! Plus if he caught Bro unsuspecting it was the perfect time to dump a load of snow down the back of his neck and fill up his prankster's gambit!

It was only when they emerged past the main staircase that John heard the door shutting ahead of them, and frowned, briefly pausing in step. Then he was forging on regardless. As he dragged Bro out into the cold with a muffled curse from the Strider, the person who had headed out before them paused and looked back over a slender shoulder.

"Oh." Kanaya smiled in greeting, adjusting the large, wispy scarf wrapped over her head and shoulders. "I was not expecting anyone else to be up so early."

"Nor were we." Bro replied, sounding a little let down. John squeezed his hand, then let go of it so he could rub his own hands together to warm them. Why the fuck hadn't he worn gloves? "What're you doing up?"

"I am afraid I am not exactly adjusting well to this time zone. I am an insomniac, so it is not unusual for me to be mostly awake, but what little sleep I manage to get has currently been displaced to the mid afternoon. Rose is still sleeping, I did not wish to bother her. I thought I might explore the grounds at night. I enjoy moonlight on snow." She looked across the glittering silver landscape, before turning to them, dressed in a shaped black coat with a green velvet sheen, and high black boots with flat, spiked soles for the ice. "Might I enquire the same of you both?"

"We were going to go have fun in the snow before anyone else got to it." John offered, then blushed and added, "Because we, uh... We couldn't sleep."

"I was not aware you are sharing a room."

"Bro came and woke me up." John answered quickly. The Frenchwoman raised a sleek eyebrow, but gave an accepting incline of her head. "I thought we should spend the extra time together! It's Christmas after all." He added cheerfully, spreading his hands.

"Ah, of course. _Joyeux Noel,_ gentlemen." Kanaya smiled, before she tipped her head towards one of his hands. "And congratulations."

"Congratulations?" He repeated back, looking over at it and blushing furiously as he saw the ring that was glinting in the light. "Oh! Uh..." Beside him, he practically felt Bro tense, and for some reason it was that motion which tipped him into giving a smile, and replying with a cheerful, "Thanks!"

"John-" Bro began rapidly, so John quickly turned and kissed him, hearing Kanaya give a soft laugh behind them. When they broke apart he left their noses brushing, getting a look from Bro and giving one straight back.

"Well I will leave you sweet boys to enjoy the blessed hours still left before the dawn. May your day be a happy one." She told them both, and John smiled and waved as she sashayed gracefully away into the night.

"Great. Now someone thinks we're engaged, just like I fucking told you they would!" Bro grumbled at him, and John sighed, stepping back and adjusting the ring. "John-"

"Like I said, maybe I want to pretend."

"That's fine when it's just us, but the moment other people believe it, it's a blatant lie. Fuck, if it makes it back to your Dad I may as well have asked you, because like hell he'd let me back out of that promise, even if it started off fucking fictitious."

"Then why don't you just actually ask me?"

Bro stared at him, and John held his gaze as calmly as he could, heart pounding in his ears. Wow, this was the stupidest thing he'd ever done! He had no idea why he was even going with it, but now the words were out in the open, and he was doing all he could to read Bro's gaze as the Strider shut his mouth and let his gaze drift down to John's fidgeting hands.

Oh man, this was awkward. He was acutely aware of how ridiculous it was. Bro frowned, and ran a hand through his hair, and John just wanted to blurt out an apology, but he knew how bad that would look now. Instead he just stayed silent, even while more of his inner nervousness manifested on his face.

He could hear Bro's mind ticking over, and that worried him, because he'd never actually seen the Texan so deep in thought before. The more he thought about it, the stupider the initial point became. He knew back home that sort of marriage was okay - he'd done his research in the months since March, since he'd become pretty certain he was going to end up with a guy whatever happened - but it wasn't even remotely okay in Texas, so it wasn't like it would ever be a possibility! Hell, a _lot_ of things weren't okay in Texas. He began to slouch a little in defeat as he waited.

On top of that, it wasn't the sort of thing he could ever see Bro actually doing. The fact Bro was taking this long to think about how to let him down was nice, but it was only giving John more time to dwell. There was the legal shit, and the age issue, and all sorts of things that meant nothing like that would ever happen. Plus they'd only been together for a year! It took way longer than that to ask stuff like this.

Oh God, he felt so stupid.

At last, Bro looked back to his face, and John smiled weakly at him, closing his eyes when Bro opened his mouth with a pensive expression. He didn't want to think about what he'd say! He was ready to be told how dumb it was, ready for the gentle apology or the harsh mockery that could follow. He was ready for whatever Bro said to him, right now.

"Okay."

Well then. Everything except _that._

"Okay?" He said back in confusion, opening his eyes and looking at Bro.

" _Okay_ , John." Bro held his gaze, tongue making his lip stud shift agitatedly before he slowly expanded, "This is me asking you."

"This is... What?" 

"John, you said why didn't I ask you _so I am fucking asking you_. Don't make me do this all over-dramatically because I'm already fucking struggling here."

"You're asking me what?"

"Holy shit, _John._ " Bro groaned, scrubbing at his face, before glancing around to check Kanaya was well and truly out of sight. "If you _ever_ tell _anyone_ I did this I will fucking murder you."

"That you-?"

Bro swept some of the snow off of the porch with his shoe, then grimaced at John, clearing his throat like he tended to do when he was embarrassed. He stayed hunched over for a few seconds as they stared at each other, then groaned.

"John," He said firmly, as he moved to rest one knee on the space he'd cleared. John blinked down at him, brain finally starting to work again. " _I am asking you._ "

"Oh my God." John mumbled at him. "Oh my God!"

"John, you're the one who told me to fucking ask! Don't freak out now!"

"But it was so stupid I didn't think you'd actually-!"

"Whoa boy, calm down, getting a little loud there." Bro's flush had grown deeper, and he reached up, taking hold of the hand the ring was on and squeezing it between his larger, hot palms. "Look, it's a yes-no question."

"But you haven't actually asked it yet!" John replied quickly, desperate for more time to think about this. Bro sighed, holding his gaze.

"John Egbert."

Oh holy shit, _holy shit!_

"I have been in dokis with you from the moment my brother bailed on you like the shitstain he is and we both bonded over your terrible taste in films and how much we wanted to punch him."

Oh God, he couldn't breathe.

"I have been an asshole to you, and you have forgiven me over and over for it. I have tried to push you away, and you have only ever waited to come back."

"Bro-"

"I have never felt the way I feel when I'm with you, not with anyone else in my life, and I have been with enough fucking people to compare."

John squeezed his hands numbly, and Bro almost smiled.

"I know I really want to wake up everyday with you next to me. I know I never, _ever_ want to have to leave you again."

He covered his mouth with his other hand, looking every bit the pathetic little girl he felt right now.

"So, on the off chance that someday we would find ourselves in a position it were possible,"

He nodded, starting to shake, and realising that he was a total child.

"If by then you aren't sick of my shit, and I've somehow managed to stay lucky enough to be with you,"

John actually laughed, and he saw Bro relax, smiling nervously down at him as the Strider continued.

"Would you, John, be my blushing bride,"

_Oh God._

"And take me as your immature asshole of a husband?"

John made an unholy, high-pitched sound he didn't even think his broken voice was capable of making, lunging forward and hugging him tightly. Holy shit! _Holy shit!_

"John-?"

"Yes yes yes yes _yes yes yes_ yes yes!"

He felt Bro relax and hug him back as he ended up falling to his knees in front of him, the two of them wrapped up in each other so tightly he could barely even feel the cold. Nothing mattered right now but Bro. Nothing would shake his good mood today, not one fucking thing.

"I love you." He mumbled into Bro's shoulder, and the blonde nodded, holding him closer.

"I love you too. If you ever tell anyone I went down on one fucking knee I'll kill you."

"Hah! I'll tell them you fucking proposed with a rap if it makes you feel better."

"I got Cal to do it for me."

"Oh my God, Bro."

"You screamed yes just to make it stop."

" _Bro!_ "

"Shit, that would've been golden. Can I take this one back and do it again?"

"Nope! Too late now. You proposed in a totally romantic, non-ironic way, no take backs."

"Well, shit." Bro sighed, but when John pushed back he was smiling broadly, freckled cheeks redder than just the cold. "Guess that means I'm stuck with you now, in a totally romantic, non-ironic way."

"Do you regret it?"

"Never."

For a few moments, they just knelt there, holding hands and smiling at one another. At last, Bro flinched.

"Holy fuck, I think my knees are actually frozen in fucking place."

John burst out laughing, standing and brushing himself off before he helped Bro to his feet. The Texan cursed and rubbed frantically at his damp knee to try and warm it up, until John caught his arm and put it around his own waist.

"We are going to go and find a patch of perfect snow." John soothed him, as he tried to keep complaining. "We are going to make snow angels and build snow smuppets and write all the curse words we can all over the ground. We will have a snowball fight you will inevitably win, and then we will go back inside and warm up in front of the fire with cocoa."

Bro looked down at him, then smiled, just a little, free hand scratching at the blonde stubble on his chin.

"Guess I can live with that." The Texan murmured, stooping to kiss the top of his head.

John smiled, and led him forward, not giving a fuck he was too old for skipping as he promptly did so all the way to their perfect patch of snow.

.:.

It was a few hours later when anyone else finally actually emerged. Bro had to go change his trousers when they got back in, but now he was sitting with John in front of the roaring fire, legs folded around where John was sitting resting his chin on his bent knees. Their cocoa was already finished, empty mugs beside them, and their freed hands were now resting on the floor, fingers interlocked.

The first person up was Rose, who gave them both a warm smile as she gracefully descended the grand staircase. John grinned back, and she swayed over, daintily folding her legs beneath her as she sat on the rug beside them.

"Good morning, boys. Good tidings of the season to both of you."

"Merry Christmas, Rose!" John replied happily.

"Have you both been up a while? I noticed there are wet footprints in the hall that I can only assume are melted snow."

"Yeah, we went outside for a while! We saw Kanaya, too."

"Yes, she left me a note saying she was going to go on a small wander about the grounds." Rose raised an eyebrow at Bro, tilting her head. "I am rather surprised those of us who are rather cold blooded were willing to stomach the snow. I would have thought you needed heat at all times."

"I was kept warm through the power of love." He replied calmly, and John snorted.

"Then the power of love is shit because you spent all the time we were out there complaining about how cold you were."

"Shoosh, stop ruining the sentiment. I was trying to be sweet."

"Bro, you have filled your sweet quota for today. You can go back to being an asshole now."

"Oh thank _fuck_ for that!" Bro let out a relieved breath, instantly letting go of John's hands and jabbing him in the ribs. "Yeah, it was fucking freezing! I suffered through the whole fucking thing because I couldn't bear the thought of John giving me a sad baby panda look. It was like pre-emptive guilting, Lalonde, it was terrible."

"Fascinating. Tell me, did something happen, this morning? You both seem in terribly good moods."

"Yeah, well-" Bro began, but John cut him off by thrusting out his hand and showing her his ring.

"We're engaged!" He announced brightly, and Rose looked down over the heart, smiling warmly.

"That is actually fairly unexpected news. Congratulations to you both, then. I am very happy for you. Please do make sure I am present when you inform our dear Strider, John. I am sure his face will be priceless."

"Oh shit." Bro said blankly, "We have to tell Dave."

"I would assume you would tell your own brother, yes." She gave them an amused smirk. "Unless you are intending on telling him after the wedding."

Bro clearly thought about it, and John glared, elbowing him in the ribs. "No, Bro! You can't even consider that, come on!"

"Well _you_ tell him then." Bro replied pointedly. John hesitated, because yeah, okay, that was _not_ on his list of things he wanted to do any time soon. "Yeah, exactly. See? After the wedding sounds promising now."

"We can't do that to Dave."

"No, John, we totally could. You're just not going to _let us_ do that to Dave."

"We aren't doing that to Dave, and we'll tell him together. That's the only way that's fair."

"I guess I can manage that." Bro grudgingly nodded, kissing his cheek. "But seriously, Dave's gonna go fucking insane."

"I'm gonna go insane about what?"

John looked up as Dave moved over from the bottom of the stairs, and instantly went red, laughing nervously and rubbing at the back of his neck. "Oh, hey Dave!" He mumbled, as Rose quickly stood and moved to a window to look out across the garden. John shot her a glare, catching her amused smile in the glass. Oh, so she'd stay close enough to watch, but not close enough to help! "Um. We just had something to tell you!"

"And what's that?" The coolkid asked casually, hooking his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans.

"Uh." John looked over his shoulder at Bro, who gave him an encouraging look. "Well! See. Me and Bro... We are, um..."

"You're..?"

John paused, then sheepishly held up his hand, showing Dave the ring. There were a few beats of silence as it reflected in the black glass, and then Dave pulled his hands up sharply and raised them both to hide block John's hand from his view.

"Oh _hell_ no."

"Dave-"

"Nope! Not a thing that's happening! Not a fucking thing that's _allowed_ to happen, holy shit!" Dave folded his arms agitatedly. "Take that thing off and let's all stop fucking with Dave, the joke was hilarious, now it's been done and we can all fucking move on."

"Dave," Bro said firmly. "We're not fucking with you, okay?"

"You're waving a fucking ring at me and leaving me to draw my own conclusions, and my conclusions are you're both assholes and this isn't fucking funny!"

"Dave, I proposed to John."

"No!"

" _I asked John to marry me._ "

" _Not listening!_ "

Bro sighed heavily, and as he did, John swallowed, then looked up and held Dave's gaze as best he could through the glasses. If Bro wasn't going to convince him, he guessed _he_ would have to.

"Dave," He said earnestly, as the younger Strider faltered. "It's not a joke, okay? I'm sorry."

"John, what the fuck are you thinking, man? He's... You're..."

"He's my boyfriend and I love him a lot." John replied, taking one of Bro's hands and squeezing it gently. "It's not like it means we have to do anything right now! It's a promise for the future. A promise that someday we will."

"Are you sure?"

"Dave, I'm sure, okay? I'm so fucking sure, you wouldn't believe it, dude."

For a moment, Dave put his hands to the side of his head, staring down at them, starting to ramble at a thousand miles a minute below his breath. John waited for it to pass as the blonde moved his hands to hide his face from view instead, and then at last he dropped them, clearing his throat and adjusting his shades.

"Cool. I'm happy for you."

"Oh! Uh. Thanks?"

"I'm gonna go grab breakfast, I'm fucking starving."

"Um. Okay?"

John watched as Dave turned and walked off like nothing was wrong, blinking and then looking over his shoulder at Bro. The Texan shrugged.

"Dave." He said dismissively, as though that explained everything.

John waited for further explanation, but when none came he settled back against his chest and let it go. He knew better than to push for more, especially about Dave. He guessed Dave was just okay with it now? It was weird, but whatever! If he was cool with it, that was great, right?

More people emerged, so he told them when they did. Jade screeched at him and tackled them both to the ground with a tight hug, Karkat applauded him with a roll of his eyes, Terezi pulled a face and muttered about lemon and blueberry pies, and Mom covered them with drunken kisses before vanishing off to drag over Dad.

Oh shit.

_Dad._

John was panicking by the time his father approached them, his sweater black and decorated with a white pattern of playing card suits. As ever, there was a pipe between his lips, and that ever growing, disconcerting mess of black curls over his head. John didn't like Dad with hair. Dad with hair looked way too much like _him_.

He stopped in front of them, looking down at them, sleeves rolled up and what looked suspiciously like flour _already_ on his arms. John watched silently as he took out the pipe and tapped it, blue eyes sweeping over the pair.

"Miss Lalonde says you wished to talk to me, John."

"Um." John replied, the only thing he could force out right now. Dad was going to be so mad! He never dealt well with anything to do with Bro, so he would be terrible about this! John fidgeted and tried to think of a way to explain that didn't lead into a lecture about him being too young for such commitments, or about really needing to spend more time with other people before he made such a decision. Dad hadn't stopped looking at him. John needed to think of something to say soon, or he just wouldn't be able to tell him-

"We're engaged."

John jumped as Bro spoke, looking back at him in a slight panic and then looking back to Dad. The two older men were sharing a look that was practically unreadable, and then Bro nudge John's arm, encouraging him to raise it. Reluctantly, John did, and Dad looked the ring over with a small nod.

"Bespoke?" He asked casually, taking another drag on his pipe.

"My design."

"Very pleasant on the eyes."

John slowly withdrew his hand and started twisting the metal to and fro, no longer entirely sure of what was going on. The usual cold tones weren't in their voices, which threw him off completely. He'd known they were being civil to each other, sure, but he'd thought that something like this would break it!

"Obviously this isn't a short-term engagement?" Dad asked carefully, a little suspicion creeping in for the first time.

"'Course not. It's gonna be a long fucking while, not until everything's settled, and I mean holy fuck, I'd probably have to move State."

"Good." Dad smiled. He _smiled_. John stared at him. "Then I am proud you have made a promise of romantic commitment, so long as you keep your promise and uphold it into the future."

"Oh. Um. Thanks?" Wow he was saying that a lot today. "I will, though! I really mean it."

Bro kissed his head, and he blushed, smiling to himself. He _did_ mean it, and that felt good. Dad nodded. For a moment, his hands clasped, his own thumb rubbing the golden ring he'd worn as long as John could remember.

"I have cooking to get on with, but... thank you for feeling you could share this with me. I am glad you have decided to pursue a romantic relationship, and I will be as supportive as I can of it."

John felt a little out of place as he nodded, because wow. Okay. This was the same man who had tried almost successfully to kill Bro nine months ago.

What the fuck?

"You're gonna bake us a cake right?" Bro asked hopefully, as Dad turned to head back to the kitchen. Dad paused, chuckling, as John elbowed Bro sharply for even mentioning the accursed sugar devilry.

"Of course I am."

"Lots of frosting."

"I am sure I can accommodate that wish."

"You, sir, are the fucking best."

Dad laughed, and headed away, and John turned to face Bro, folding his arms and glaring. "Don't encourage him!"

"John, shoosh. He's baking us a cake."

"I don't _want_ him to bake us a cake!"

"Yeah, but think about it. He's baking us a cake. One of those _I'm proud of you son_ things. He's cool with this."

"You really think a cake proves he's cool with this?"

"A cake and the fact his smile reached his eyes. See, one of us was watching him _without_ freaking out."

"I wasn't freaking out!" John replied indignantly, and the Strider snorted, mussing up his hair.

"John you were twirling that ring so fast I'm amazed the friction didn't set your fucking finger alight."

He stiffly dropped his hands to his sides, and Bro snickered, leaning forward and gently rubbing their noses together. "You're fucking adorable."

"Says the man covered in _'majestic stallions'._ "

"Don't you be talking shit about Maplehoof, we've been over this. She is the shit and you're a fool if you think otherwise."

"Whatever, dude." John stood and stretched his arms, and Bro sighed, clearly reluctant to move. With a shrug, the younger man stepped clear of his legs, turning and then just managing to stop himself walking straight into Dirk. "Oh! Hi, Dirk, I didn't see you-"

The machine put his arms around him, hugging him tightly and actually lifting him from the ground, which made John give a small noise of panic. When Dirk dropped him, there was a broad smile beneath his vibrant eyes, and John gave him a weak one back.

"Dave informed me of your upcoming human matrimonial ritual. I am overjoyed for you, father."

"Father." John said back, moving slightly so Dirk could see Bro, but the robot continued looking straight at him. "Um..."

"Human tradition dictates that by entering such a legal relationship with my father you become a further parent to me. Were you unaware of such conventions? Regardless, I intend to honour them." He cuddled John again, buzzing happily into his chest as John awkwardly patted his back. "You give better cuddles than other father. I will see you at breakfast!"

With that he was cheerfully bobbing away, and John stared after him, snapping out of his daze when Bro stood and tapped his shoulder.

"-Dirk's Dad!" John said abruptly, and Bro snickered, tugging him into a hug."Oh my God!"

"John, calm down. It's not that fucking bad."

"I can't be Dirk's Dad!"

"Too late, babe. You said yes. You knew the risks."

"I didn't think- Oh my God! Can I take it back?"

"Nope."

John whined quietly, but he was pacified a little by the flurry of light kisses Bro pressed to his cheek, his boyfriend still hugging him close. His initial shock dimmed after a few minutes of cuddles, and then he sighed, shoving the Strider back. "Well you get _Dad_ as a Dad! That's just as bad!"

"Shut up before I change _my_ mind and take it back."

"No takebacks!" John replied, prodding his chest triumphantly. "We're both stuck with it now."

"Well we'll just have to suffer together then, won't we?"

"Yeah."

They smiled at each other, and John took his hand, their fingers interlocking with a gentle squeeze. All of the freaking out, the _real_ freaking out, could wait. They had a long time ahead before anything actually happened. For now, it was a promise, but it was a promise he was proud to have made and recieved. A promise that Bro wasn't going anywhere, and nor was he, and whatever the future was like, they'd be facing it together.

"You wanna actually go eat?" He murmured, and Bro shrugged, looking over towards the full table.

"Maybe. I was pretty happy just chilling with you."

"Bro Strider is turning down food? Holy shit, are you ill?"

"I'm sick with the lovebug, baby, I think I need some physical therapy."

"Oh my God, that was _terrible_!"

"You fucking loved it, don't even lie."

John chuckled and started tugging him to the table, because whether or not Bro was going to eat, he fucking well was. They ended up surrounded by laughter and chatter, and Karkat and Dave both fighting to take exactly the same jug of apple juice, despite there being about ten of them along the stupid table. John sat and watched them for a while before he started grabbing food, and was halfway finished loading his plate before he finally remembered to let go of Bro's hand.

.:.

"This is actually some pretty sweet shit, John."

John grinned at Dave as the coolkid rifled through the box of art supplies he'd bought him, pulling out packets and smaller boxes as he cast an expert eye across them. So far, it was all approval, which was great! He knew Dave was into that sort of stuff, so it had been the obvious choice of present for him.

The Texan had bought him a dark green suit embroidered with his favourite little ghost, looking perfectly tailored. It was weird, given Dave hadn't seen what he looked like now before a few days ago, and after a little prodding the younger Strider admitted Rose and Kanaya had made it practically the day before, using measurements Dave had grudgingly got from Bro. Kanaya insisted it had been no trouble, but John still pointed out everyone else had managed to think of presents before they arrived.

Dave response had been to hand him a card with the bill for the smuppet attached to the inside and a scrawled note explaining if you hadnt used the fucking thing i wouldnt have to pay for it. John had choked a little and hidden the card as soon as Jade leant over to have a look.

Whether or not they understood it, that was _not_ something he wanted anyone else seeing!

His drifting mind was pulled back to the present as a wrapped bundle was dropped unceremoniously in his lap by the small metal rabbit (now complete with Santa hat) that was dishing out the gifts. He laughed and gave him a gentle fist bump as Seb offered a tiny fist, and then the robot had hefted the sack he was dragging and was moving on to throw boxes at Karkat and Jade.

He looked down at the parcel and groaned as he realised it was _gold_ and that meant he had been bought yet _more_ things to make his own gifts feel lame. He shot Bro a glare and saw the elder Strider was still playing with the fancy video camera John had bought for him, and that helped, because okay! At least one present had gone down well.

Reluctantly, John looked down to the present, starting to unwrap it. As he tore through the several layers of paper, he finally reached the blue fabric beneath, the very end of a light blue swirl exposed.

Something flickered in the back of his mind, and his hesitation went, fingers tearing apart the rest of the wrapping paper in frantic excitement. The swirl was actually two, and he picked up the pullover by the shoulders to look at the shapes, long hood still curling and collecting in the paper.

"My hoodie!" John said excitedly, instantly starting to pull it on.

"Well it is yours now, yeah." Bro told him over Kanaya's head, and John grinned at him, nodding as he tugged up the hood. "Saw it in some weird hipster shop. Don't know why, but it made me think of you."

"Oh my God, it's so great!"

"Dunno what you're gonna do about walking with that hood, though."

"Uh..." For some reason, he hadn't even thought about that being a problem. John looked down the blue trail, then smiled, taking hold of it and wrapping it around his neck several times. "There! I can wear it like a scarf!"

"Guess that's what you're meant to do."

"That or you can only wear the thing in fucking wind tunnels." Dave observed, looking it over with a frown.

"Well as I can't just do a windy thing, I guess I'll have to wear it like this." John adjusted it, then smiled at Bro, who was looking back, clearly pleased. "I like it! It feels really comfortable."

"You're welcome." The Strider paused as a blue box was waved up at him, and he laughed. "Hey, another one of yours. Thanks, Seb." He fist-bumped the rabbit, then gave a small salute down to it. "You're the shit, little guy."

The robot swaggered on to Rose and Kanaya as John silently watched Bro unwrap the gift, knowing from the shape of it that it wasn't the Friendship Is Magic DVD he'd also bought him. It was the other thing. The important thing.

"Sweet. I needed a new music player." Bro announced, lifting the iPod out of it's box and turning it over, the thing the same gold as his eyes. "Thanks, John."

"Um." He laughed nervously. "I put some music on there, too. I mean... It's only a few songs, but I thought you'd like them."

"Oh?" Bro pulled out the coiled earphones, sliding off the paper holding them together and letting the cord unravel. He plugged them in, and swiped his thumb across the screen as he pushed them into his ears, settling back and closing his eyes.

John waited for the piano he'd recorded to kick in, and he saw the moment Bro's eyebrows rose, and his mouth opened slightly, and all the little subtle signs of surprise that quickly turned to the ghost of an emotional smile. He bit his lips and fidgeted with his hood, waiting for a sign, a response of some kind more obvious than the subtle inflections of the Strider's face.

At last, his eyes opened, and he looked at John. Without a word, Bro nodded, and that was enough John knew it was perfect. He blushed and smiled, and Bro smiled back, taking out the earphones with a slight reluctance as he took the next, neon pink package from Seb.

John took his next present as Seb offered it, wrapped in grey paper smattered with crabs. Three guesses who that one was from! He grinned at Karkat as he began tearing into it, opening the folds to find a box-set of the Fresh Prince. He paused, then gave Karkat a look.

"I was thinking we could watch it together." The older boy muttered, and John snorted. "Hey, you need an education in good fucking television and there's no better place the start."

"Seriously, dude?"

"Seriously, you fucking idiot. Put it down gently and marvel at its fucking beauty. That shit is the greatest thing ever filmed for television."

John chuckled and did so with overdramatic, reverent bowing of his head. Karkat leant over to slap him and he dodged, grinning and pushing Karkat back, his smile fading when he looked past him to Jade.

She was staring at her reflection in a hand-held mirror with an odd expression, eyes cloudy and lips apart as if she were going to speak. Her free hand was still up in her hair, distractedly adjusting what looked like a white dog's ear on a clip.

It suited her, in a really, really weird way.

"Jade, that looks great!" He called, and instantly she blinked, looking over at him in confusion and then smiling broadly.

"Thanks, John! Dave's friend Nepeta made them for me!" She quickly put in the second one, adjusting it with a smile. "Gosh, they feel so light! These will be great for dressing up."

"You still play dress up, Harley?" Karkat frowned at her, and she rolled her eyes straight back, giving him a small grin. "Why does that surprise me? Why does _anything_ surprise me? I'm being handed presents by the fucking robotic rabbit child of a machine that is practically fucking human. I should be so past shock now I just take everything in my fucking stride."

"Seb is cool!" Jade told him firmly, and he grimaced, but wilted under her glare. The next time Seb passed him Karkat hesitated, before giving him a small, reluctant fist bump. The rabbit practically skipped away.

John sat and enjoyed watching everyone else opening their gifts. Dave was flipping his shit about being given one of Bro's 'actually not that shitty' swords, and Bro was demanding his own present back, glaring when Dave said he wasn't getting it after the whole proposal thing. Their retorts to one another were drifting dangerously close to rhyming.

He was briefly distracted from their argument when he saw Dad lean over behind Bro and tap Mom on the shoulder. John watched them head in the rough direction of the kitchen before he lost interest. They were probably already going to start on dinner, because cooking was clearly all Dad could think about given how much of the day he'd already spent baking.

John's attention turned to where English and Dirk were sitting, having been given some sort of blanket with sleeves for both of them to share (probably by Mom, given how pink it was) and were currently apparently trapped in it, English struggling to get out as Dirk just giggled. After a while Seb hopped up onto the couch and vanished under the fabric, and after a bit of wriggling it was hoisted off of them. The rabbit desposited it in Dirk's lap, looking as pleased as his expressionless face allowed when Dirk beamed and patted him on the head.

Kanaya, Rose and Terezi were all gathered around discussing the dress that Kanaya had made her girlfriend, a beautiful flowing thing in oranges and golds. As Rose held it up to her shoulders and smiled coyly over at the Frenchwoman, Terezi was excitedly asking if Kanaya could make something that pretty for Dave, who promptly abandoned his argument with Bro to take notice and start recommending a style and colours to suit his 'fine ass figure'.

Abruptly, the quiet hubbub was shattered by the loudest screech John had ever heard, and he leapt up instinctively, halfway to equipping his hammer before it occurred to him it hadn't been a scream of fear. Curiously rather than in a panic, he moved over to the couch to look past it, and choked on a laugh. Mom appeared to have knocked Dad off his feet over by the side of the room, and was currently either trying to eat his face or kissing him in ways that still made him want to go bluh. Dad was attempting, weakly, to push her off, but she had a vice-like grip on his shoulders and clearly wasn't letting go any time soon.

"Well. This is certainly not in any way humiliating to watch." Rose muttered beside him, and he glanced down at her, chuckling when he saw she had a hand over her eyes. "I am so glad your father chose to visit with you, John. Heaven forbid I miss such a wonderful experience."

"It's not that bad, Rose!" He replied, nudging her shoulder. She snorted.

"I can _hear_ it, John. I am certain it is _just_ as bad as it was before I covered my eyes. I am glad your tolerance for our parents doing such nauseating things is apparently so much higher than mine."

"Pfff, Rose, you're such a-"

His voice was drowned out as Mom suddenly sat up, noticing the eyes all fixed on her and giving a manic smile.

"I'M GETTING MARRIED!" She screamed at them, bouncing up and down where she was astride Dad's stomach and clearly winding him. John blinked at her, and Rose sighed, before giving a slow, lone clap. "I'm _getting married_!"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Roxy!" Bro groaned. "We fucking _talked_ about this!"

"I don't care! I'm totes gonna have a big white dress an' loadsa flower girls an' a _huge_ cake an'-" She silenced herself by covering Dad's face with kisses, and then actually got off him to stand, clenching her hands and shaking with excitement as she squealed. "Babies, babies Mumma is gettin' married oh my God!"

As Dad was still sprawled out on the floor, John decided to move over and help him to his feet. Like his motion broke everyone else out of a daze, he was followed by a rush of people who clustered around Mom and gave her congratulations she excitedly lapped up with high pitched exclamations of joy.

John offered Dad a hand and he took it, standing and brushing himself off as he gave John a slightly blank smile.

"You really thought you could do it quietly?" John asked, waving a hand towards Mom.

"I probably should have known better, I admit." The older man shrugged, scratching at his hair as he watched her bouncing up and down. "I was not _quite_ expecting that reaction."

"Well you totally should have been." They both watched for a while, as Rose gave clearly snarky yet no doubt inwardly sincere congratulations. "Um. You didn't tell me you were planning on asking her. I mean, you didn't have to, but I thought maybe-"

"I was not going to, prior to a few days ago. I mean, I had debated it, but I was still falling on the side of waiting. Then I had what I shall term my discussion with Strider, and I realised inwardly my reasons for delaying were mistaken."

John paused, cheeks heating up nervously as he coughed and then asked, "Was it to do with... Mom?" He didn't have to say anything else. Dad nodded, dropped both arms to fold them over his chest, but carried on smiling, something John had never seen him do after _his_ Mom was mentioned. "I'm glad you asked her, though! She's great, and I mean, she makes you happy. I'm proud of you, Dad."

Dad blinked and looked at him, then laughed, putting an arm over his shoulder. Rose was moving over to offer less sarcastic well wishes, Jade bouncing along in her wake, and John ducked away to go and talk to Mom, who just hugged him and squealed again, covering his face in vivid pink stains.

.:.

"You could fucking help me clear up instead of just watching me, you cocksucking assholes."

"Nah, bro. Looks like you got it covered." Dave observed from where he was lying with his head in John's lap, not looking away from where he was swatting at the end of the blue hood like a cat with a toy. "We're your moral support. Here to cheer you on. Yay, go Karkles. You're the fucking best, you tiny dick. All of that shit."

Karkat stood, putting his hands on his hips, shooting them both a glare. He appeared to have made it his mission to tidy up the mass of wrapping paper that surrounded the base of the tree, and while he was making quite a dent, there was still a load more for him to shove into the black bag he was dragging around like a depressed Santa. John gave him an apologetic smile and gestured at where Dave was trapping him, and Karkat just rolled his eyes, muttering to himself as he returned to his work.

John chuckled and settled back down into the nest of paper the couch had become, watching Karkat stooping to grab some of the more colourful scraps. Dave's attention was apparently caught, and he whistled.

"What?" Karkat snapped, straightening.

"Oh hell no, babe, bend back over. That's one fine ass you've got right there."

"Fuck you, Strider."

"Oh would you, sexy?"

Karkat snorted and returned to what he had been doing, ignoring the next time Dave whistled. The Strider snickered, rolling his head back to look at John, giving a smirk. "That ass, John. I can see why you went there."

"Yeah, because obviously I wouldn't date someone because of their personality or anything ridiculous like that."

"You're going out with Bro, of course you fucking wouldn't."

John chose not to grace it with a reply. He watched Karkat pause as some of the paper shifted and moved, and then Seb had popped out from it, rolling it into a large wad and offering it up to the impromptu cleaner.

"Uh. Thanks, you weird little fucker." Karkat mumbled as he took it and shoved it into his garbage bag, then gave Seb the customary fist bump as the little metal fist was offered. "Do you want to help or something?"

Seb disappeared back into the paper, but balls of compacted rubbish started rolling over towards Karkat a few seconds later. He smiled slightly, taking them as they appeared. "See, Strider? Even the fucking rabbit does more work than you, holy shit."

"Hey, I am exhausting myself over here admiring the view."

"Well get a good fucking look, because that's the most you're fucking getting."

"Don't say that, babe. Can't resist the Strider charms."

"Pretty sure I fucking can."

John tried not to laugh as Dave sat up, eyebrows raised above his shades. "That sounded like a challenge, Karkles. Was that a challenge? Because if it was prepare to be fucking seduced. Look at this perfection, bro. You can't resist. All it'll take is a fucking snap of my fingers and you'll be all flustered at my feet 'cause Senpai fucking noticed you."

"Oooh, Mister Strider." Karkat cooed back, letting go of the bag to clasp his hands. "I'm fucking swooning. Truly, you are a master of romance."

"Damn fucking straight."

"Maybe you could show off your obviously perfect fucking figure as you _actually fucking help me do some work_."

"Eh." Dave slouched back down to lie as he had been. "I don't want that ass _that_ badly."

Karkat snorted and returned to what he was doing, and Dave snickered, putting his hands behind his head and relaxing into John's lap. There were still a few hours before dinner, and as the adults had been drafted into getting food ready, the kids had drifted off, although Dave couldn't be assed to move and had looked pathetically at John until he agreed to stay with him. They'd spent the rest of the time watching Karkat's one-man, and now one-rabbit, quest against the mess the present opening had left.

Movement caught his eye beyond the short, angry young man, and he waved at Jade as she slowly approached, hands hidden behind her back and a nervous smile on her face. She moved one hand to wave back, then crept up behind Karkat, pausing and taking a deep breath.

With the same hand, she tapped him on the shoulder, and he grumbled as he stood and turned to her, glaring.

"Harley, what the fuck do you-?"

Jade whipped up her other hand and Karkat had all of a second to glance up at the mistletoe she was holding in it before she had grabbed his cheek and stooped to kiss him, his eyes widening in shock and confusion. John choked and Dave gave a loud wolf whistle at them, as Jade tilted her head and Karkat's eyes fluttered. He raised his finger in their rough direction, his other hand over hers, and then she had straightened, grinning down at him with ruddy cheeks.

"What... the hell?" Karkat stammered at her, and she giggled, turning and bouncing away. He stared after her, then looked at them, spreading his hands in confusion. " _What the fuck?_ "

"I think she likes you, dude." John suggested slowly. Karkat spluttered. "That or she just decided she really desperately needed to make out with a short, angry asshole."

"She doesn't like me! I would have fucking noticed!"

"She had mistletoe." Dave said suddenly, swinging to his feet and hurrying off in the direction she'd gone. They both watched him, then looked at each other, and John shrugged.

"You're the relationship master. Why else would she do that? Come on, Kar. She _likes_ you."

"One kiss doesn't prove anything."

"No, but how about all the times she hangs out with you when you come round? Or the whole always doing the punching you on the shoulder thing?"

"How is that romantic, John?"

"It's how she bonds with guys, blame Dave."

"I blame Strider for a lot of things, I'll add this to the list." Karkat frowned, still bright red, then mumbled, "I would have noticed, John! I always notice."

"Well maybe this one time, you didn't."

The blush on Karkat's dark cheeks had finally settled, and he looked down, before abandoning his work and hurrying off in the direction Dave and Jade had both absconded to. Seb reappeared a moment later with more paper, and his ears drooped as he dropped it in the bag, which he then sat beside, chin resting in his tiny hands.

"Hey, he'll be back, dude." John told him, and Seb turned towards him, head bobbing in a nod. "I bet if you kept tidying up you'd be his best bro ever."

With a little electronic noise, Seb was back on his feet, diving into the mess with new urgency. John laughed. Okay, when he'd first been told Dirk had built a rabbit, he hadn't really got why, but holy shit. He was adorable. That was enough reason to consider him awesome.

"Oh, Jo-ohn." Dave called in a cheerful sing-song, reappearing around the tree. John raised an eyebrow at him as he moved over and hopped into the taller man's lap, swinging one long arm around John's neck as he waved Jade's mistletoe above their heads. "Pucker up, Egbert. It's bad luck if you don't."

The words made John chuckle. "Y'know, Dave, if you hadn't told me that, I probably wouldn't have ended up with Bro."

"What-?" Dave began quickly, but John was already leaning in to kiss him, and his question faded as their lips pressed together, the hand holding the mistletoe dropping it to sink into John's hair instead. John fidgeted as their glasses clacked, pulling back for a second and pulling off Dave's shades before the Texan could react. He crushed their mouths together before Dave could start complaining, and now it was comfortable, and Dave tipped his head into it, the angle allowing for those little, slick kisses John adored. He caught Dave's lip between his teeth and sucked on it until the coolkid made a soft sound, then dropped it with a smack and tilted forward into a deeper embrace. Dave's hand slid down his neck to press flat to his chest and push him back against the couch as the blonde followed the motion and ended up above him, and the kisses dwindled, slowly, until they split apart and Dave looked down at him with exposed, bright eyes that matched the colour of his cheeks.

John grinned.

"Merry Christmas, Dave!" He said cheerfully, and Dave rolled his eyes, reclaiming his shades and pushing them back on. "Didn't you like it?"

"It was fucking great, and you're an asshole because you know it was." He coughed, straightening his sweater, before off-handedly adding, "Still time to back out of that shit with Bro, John, Rez is pretty open minded and I'm sure she wouldn't mind trying out a six-hundred-and-eighty-nine some time."

"Dave. No. How would that even work?"

"See one of us would be in her mouth and-"

"Okay, I take it back, I don't want to know!" John glared as Dave snickered, then shrugged. "Friend kisses are still cool, though."

"Friend kisses are chill as fucking ice if they're always like that." Dave stood and took the mistletoe, twirling it between his fingers. "Think I'll go find Rez. Should probably make sure the actual love of my life gets some Strider loving."

"I'll make sure I get my fill from Bro."

"Ugh. Don't fucking remind me. I'm gonna bet now you two are planning the fucking wedding that you'll be ascending the sexual echeladder to the level of Actual Fuckbuddies."

"Dave!" John laughed, then blushed and added a quiet, "...Maybe."

"Try and keep the noise down."

"Don't worry, Dave. I'll be just as quiet as you!"

Dave shook his head as he turned and ambled away, and John watched him as he walked, right to where he paused at the bottom of the stairs. Rose and Kanaya had been gracefully descending them, and Dave offered up the mistletoe with a shrug. "Yo, Lalonde. May as well get in on this. Steal a kiss from your hot girlfriend."

Rose chuckled, reaching for the plant, but as she did so Kanaya quickly put her arms around her and swept her off of her feet, leaning forward so they ended up at a slant, face to face.

"My dearest Rose, if you desire me to kiss you, you need only to ask." Kanaya announced, and Rose's blush deepened. The Frenchwoman leant down to kiss her passionately, black lips meeting green in a loving embrace, although it was a little ruined by Dave turning away and pretending to throw up. As they broke apart and straightened, Rose smiled bashfully and adjusted her skirt, and Kanaya met Dave's gaze, holding it as she gave a smug smile and waggled her shaped eyebrows.

"That was certainly something." Rose said pleasantly, hooking her arm through her girlfriend's. "Thank you for the offer, though, David. It appears it will not be needed."

He shrugged and headed past them, and they both chuckled at one another, breezing off towards the door and vanishing outside with identical waves to John. Alone again, he turned back to watch Seb happily crushing the paper into the sack, bouncing up and down on it to force it in. There were still a couple of hours before dinner, and now he had no company. After a few minutes, he tugged out his phone.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 17:15pm --

EB: hey bro!  
EB: how's dinner going?  
TT: You want to know how dinner is going?  
TT: The bird is on fucking fire and Roxy tried to put it out with her martini.  
TT: Dad is now putting that shit out while still whisking whatever the fuck he's making.  
TT: Jake has drunk all of the fucking brandy that was meant to go in the dessert.  
TT: He is waving a fucking cleaver about at face height while announcing he can't find the chopping board which is right in front of him.  
TT: Dirk is tasting everything he's meant to be cooking and has just taken a mouthful of cinnamon.  
TT: He is now running around screaming about needing water.  
TT: And whatever the fuck I was meant to be cooking is pretty much fucking charcoal at this point.  
TT: John.  
TT: I am going to die in this hellhole.  
TT: Send fucking help.

.:.

Despite how Bro made it sound, by the time it was dished up dinner actually looked presentable.

Admittedly English was practically unconscious where he was leant on Dirk's shoulder, and there was certainly a certain smoky quality to the air, but it looked like somehow they'd pulled through and put together a solid attempt at the meal. Bro kissed his cheek as he sat down, gesturing over it with an expression of slight pride.

"It's edible, I promise."

"I'm sure it's great." John replied, smiling at him. "I'll be blown away by your cooking skills."

"I'll be honest, Dad basically cooked the lot. Me and Rox made it look pretty."

"And what did English and Dirk do?"

"Jake sat in the corner slurring out of tune sea shanties at us and Dirk stopped messing around and helped Dad after I threatened to disconnect his tongue."

John laughed, and spent a moment with his head resting against Bro's arm, before he forced himself to straighten and looked over the meal with every intention, as always, of sneaking the best looking food onto his plate before everyone else arrived. Dave slid into the seat beside him, as John had taken his usual seat beside Bro, giving him a small smirk and a pucker of his lips before he turned to grabbing the finest looking jug of apple juice.

John rolled his eyes at the side of Dave's head.

Karkat slouched in, cheeks still slightly red, and John was pretty sure he hadn't stopped blushing since the incident earlier. He went to pull up a chair opposite them, and as he did, the figure of Jade loomed from behind him, and she hoisted him clean off his feet.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT PUT ME DOWN!" He screamed, kicking wildly and punching the arms wrapping tight around his chest. "HARLEY! HARLEY I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU! PUT ME DOWN BEFORE I-!"

Jade giggled and kissed the top of his head, and his complaints died with a quiet gurgle. She took advantage of his sudden lack of motion to quickly sit, pulling him into her lap and snuggling her cheek against the side of his head.

"You're so cute, Karkat!" She announced happily, unhooking one hand from him to reach for her glass. Karkat stared into space, cheeks back to being a vibrant red, and then hunched a little, but apparently decided he was quite happy to stay sitting where he was.

John grinned at him and mouthed, 'she likes you'. Karkat shot him back a decidedly murderous glare.

Then Dad was at the head of the table, catching everyone's attention by tapping his pipe to the side of his glass, and everyone turned to look his way, for a smile, and a toast, before the meal.

.:.

They'd drawn straws to see who went first.

Dad had set up the webcam and microphone, and after Dave was deemed the victor, he settled into place with Terezi leaning on his shoulder, and the others gathered around him, placing a call after sending a message to check they were ready at the other end. For a while, dots blinked across the screen, and then it filled with a large, tinsel-strewn front room, the video not quite flowing smoothly, but still rapid enough nothing was lost.

Gathered around Tavros on the other end were Nepeta, a tall man of their age in cracked dark glasses who was lingering behind her with his arms folded uncomfortably, and a pretty, blue-haired girl, arms draped around Tavros' shoulders in an apparently intimate way. Dave had opened his mouth to speak, when she leant forward and grinned broadly.

"Wait! Is that this John?" She asked, in a heavy Russian accent. Dave rolled his eyes as John looked at him questioningly.

"Yeah, Vris, this is John. Great to see you too."

"Vris?" John repeated to him, and Dave muted the microphone as he looked up to him.

"Spiderbitch."

"Oh! Um. Why the fuck is she asking about me?"

"I dunno, John, she asked me if I knew any available guys and at the time you were still sailing on the SS Whore It Up, so I said I'd introduce you. As that ship has apparently sunk..."

"You could still introduce us."

Dave gave him a look above the glasses, clearly judging him quietly, before turning to the screen and unmuting himself. "Yeah, okay. Vriska, John, John, Vriska."

"Hey there, little boy blue." She purred at the screen, and John gave a smile, feeling his cheeks heat a little. Okay, so first girl to pay him attention! This felt strange. "Dave's told me _all_ about you." Vriska added, dragging out the 'all'.

"Nice to meet you, Vriska!" He replied brightly, and her smile widened.

"My handle is arachnid's grip, John." She paused and batted her eyelashes. "You should add me."

He nodded, pulling out his phone to do so before he forgot what she was called, and as he fiddled about with his keyboard he heard Dave mutter, "Now that trying to hook up with my best bro is out of the way, Merry Christmas, guys."

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Nepeta screeched, clearly having been waiting to do so. John looked up in time to see the tall man catch her shoulder and drag her back from where she had practically head-butted the camera, and mutter a quieter repetition of her words. Tavros just laughed quietly.

"How is, um, your holiday going, exactly?" He asked with a smile.

"It's been great!" Terezi leant forward, giving one of her practically fanged grins. "There's tons of snow, and John's Dad can actually cook, so no half-assed burnt meal for me this year!" She cackled. "Plus the new people are cool! There's Miss Plum, Miss Mint, and my personal favourite, Mister Strawberry Shortcake!"

"And do they, um, have names?"

"Yeah, Tav, and I just told you them!" She replied, looking at him as though he were stupid.

The groups traded banter for a while, before there was a call on the other end, and they all looked off camera. After a few moments of Tavros calling in what sounded like Spanish, he looked back to Dave.

"Um, is your, brother, there?"

Dave sighed heavily, but rocked back in the seat and bellowed for Bro. The elder Strider sauntered over from where he'd been talking to Mom and English, and Dave gestured vaguely at the screen as he reached them, just as on screen Tavros wheeled slightly sideways. In the space he'd freed up, a man who was clearly a little older than him but related, with a similar cut of hair, although dyed brilliant red, leant on the desk and flashed a dazzling smile.

"Sup, Rufioh." Bro said with a nod as he moved to see the screen clearly, slinging an arm over John's shoulder.

"Hey, Bro! Been a little quiet here without you, man... How you doing?"

"It's all cool. No complaints."

"Nice. Well... Merry Christmas... Happy Hanukkah... Whatever floats your boat, y'know? Hope you're having a good one."

"You too, Nitram."

With a double thumbs-up that Bro gave another curt nod to, he was gone again, and Tavros wheeled back to the centre of the screen.

"Well, at least my, uh, brother, is happy, now. We should probably go, Dave, we were going to, watch a film, or something. Nepeta insisted."

"And it's going to be _purrfect!_ " The girl added, clapping her hands. Dave shrugged, and gave a typical, disinterested farewell, but he was almost smiling when he rolled back the chair and called to English it was his turn with the camera.

They were shunted out of the way as English and Mom descended on the computer, Mom managing to grab Bro's arm before he successfully slipped away with them. The younger generation dispersed, but John ended up lingering with Karkat and Jade who, from the constant hand-holding, he was _pretty_ certain were probably a thing now.

Karkat bounced in place a little impatiently as he watched English making big grand gestures at the screen, upon which the smiling visage of John's nemesis was emblazoned. He shot her a glare, though she would not see it. The intent was still there. The Batterwitch deserved none of his kindness. _None of it._

At last, the adults moved away, and Karkat slunk to replace them, Jade and John in tow. As they settled down, John noticed that for some reason, his father had moved over. Dad simply gave him a smile as John narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

Karkat logged in as himself, and then a few minutes later he finally got a call to connect, the screen this time a fairly dark living room, covered with decorations that were actually stabbed to the wall with knives. The camera was still being adjusted by Slick, who was cursing under his breath, though it was muffled by his cigarette. He seemed to end up happy with it, and sat back down heavily.

"Hey, Dad. Merry fucking Christmas."

"Whatever. Happy Holidays and shit, brat. Same to you, Egbert." He added in a more respectful tone, and Dad smiled again.

"A very Merry Christmas to you, Slick."

John looked between them blankly, and Karkat clearly saw his expression in the image of them on the screen, leaning back in the chair to give him a frown.

"I didn't know our Dads talk." John told him, and Karkat rolled his eyes.

"John, your Dad has been coming over and playing fucking poker with my Dad and his friends for six fucking months. How have you fucking missed this?"

"I... uh, I guess I just didn't notice?"

"How could you not..." Karkat squinted at him, confused, before shaking his head and looking back to Slick. "The holiday's been great, thanks for not fucking asking. Yes, I miss you, despite the fact you're a total fucking asshole. I hope you're having a good time. I grudgingly love you, Dad."

"I was enjoying the quiet until every other fucking member of the Crew turned up, I guess I kind of miss your constant screaming, and yeah, whatever. Love you too."

"So adorable." Jade whispered to herself.

"Oh. Yeah. I have a girlfriend now." Karkat told Slick, jabbing a thumb at Jade.

"She tried to kill you yet?"

"No, Dad, that is literally just you and Snowman."

"Yeah, well, if that broad stabs you in the back, don't say I didn't tell you so." Slick shrugged, then looked thoughtful. "Well. I have a dog now."

"What?" Karkat asked quickly, and Slick briefly stooped off camera, returning to view holding up a small black Scottie dog puppy, which instantly had Jade making affectionate noises at the camera. "Dad. _Dad_. You can't look after a plastic fucking plant, what sort of shitting miracle happened to make you capable of looking after a dog?"

"Shut up, you little ungrateful shit. I can look after Liquorice just fine."

" _Liquorice_?"

"It's her name, she likes it. She doesn't give a fuck what you think, and nor do I."

"Ugh, _Dad_."

Slick glared, hugging the dog protectively to his chest and scratching its back as its tail wagged furiously. It yapped up at him, and for a moment, he smiled fondly, before seeming to remember people were watching him and scowling at the camera.

"The dog stays." He said firmly, and Karkat sighed.

"So when are you even coming-" Slick's words were lost in the loud blare of a party horn as it unravelled into view beside him, and he jumped and cursed, swatting wildly at it. It rolled back out of shot, and then a shorter man wandered into view behind him, Slick jerking down his headset and audibly continuing to curse as the man gave him a cheerful smile and then blew the horn in his face. With that he'd leapt up, headset falling from his neck, equipping a knife, and diving for the troublemaker.

He was halted by the sudden, quick intervention of a hulking figure, who held him back as he plucked up the small man and placed him on one shoulder. He carried him away, and Slick followed angrily, apparently having forgotten he was meant to be talking to his son.

There were a few moments of awkward silence, save for the muffled noise of Slick's ongoing rant, and the random toots of the horn. Then the seat shifted, and casually a young man who couldn't be much older than twenty sat down and calmly picked up the headset, sliding it on and carefully adjusting it.

Karkat sighed and stood, which John was confused by, until Dad replaced him in the seat.

"Myung-Dae-nim, annyonghasimnikka?" He said in a quiet, polite voice, bowing to the screen.

"Ah, Hyung-Shik-ssi, annyonghaseyo." Dad smiled. "How have things been with everyone, Droog?"

"They have been well. I have been dealing with more serious matters than have bothered the minds of my associates, as usual, but they have been cheerful enough." He gave a thin smile, gesturing airily over his shoulder at where the small one was running along holding a cookie aloft as Slick continued chasing him with the knife, and the tall man apparently serving as their babysitter lumbered along wearily behind them. "Nothing I have done is to be shared, of course, but I would say nothing to give you any bother."

"I'm glad to hear that. Has your day been a good one?"

"If we do not count the typical murder attempts, Spades setting the table cloth alight, and Deuce opening everyone's presents without noting who was to receive each one? It has been wonderful. Hopefully your day has been one befitting the spirit of the season."

John was watching in bemusement, and finally glanced at Karkat, who waited for him to open his mouth, then rolled his eyes and supplied, "Droog is like your Dad's best fucking friend or something, John. If you paid more attention you'd probably know that."

John glared at him, but chose not to respond. He looked back to his Dad as the older man told Droog about his new engagement in what was as close to he ever came to an excited voice, and Droog patiently listened back, smiling and nodding along to everything he said.

.:.

They'd gathered one last time before bed, to share a hot drink and laughter around the fireplace. John was shifting his mug from hand to hand, not really listening, mind elsewhere.

_You'll be ascending the sexual echeladder._

_...Maybe._

He took another sip of his cocoa, eyes darting over everyone and then settling on where Bro was standing talking to Dirk. His cheeks flushed, and he quickly dropped his gaze to the swirling white cream making patterns atop his drink, dragging his teeth over his lip.

After a minute, he moved his hand from the side of the mug, looking down at the heart on his ring. It brought a flutter to his chest and left a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, which stayed with him when he pressed it back to the warm ceramic.

_You know what you want and screw what other people say, it's time you manned the fuck up and took it!_

"Yeah." He mumbled, taking another sip and looking up more confidently to Bro.

He tipped his head back and downed the rest of his drink, leaving the mug on the floor and then meandering around the group to Bro. When he reached him, he tugged his arm to get his attention, dropping his hand so their fingers interlocked.

"Bro. I was going to head to bed. Are you, um-" He stopped, then started again, "Would you come with me?"

"...Yeah, 'course I would." Bro replied, leaning in to kiss his forehead. "You wanna sit and talk or something?"

_You don't have long with him nearby, so make it fucking count._

"Something like that." John gave a small smile. He leaned up as Bro stooped again, lightly pressing their lips together. "Love you, Bro."

"I love you too, babe." He murmured warmly, nuzzling at him before he straightened back to his full height.

John blushed and squeezed his hand. As everyone else said goodnight and started to go their separate ways, he tugged the Strider after him, heading to his room with a determined expression as his heart beat quick in his ears.

_Go get him, John!_

He nodded to himself, managing a smile.

_Go and fucking get him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAH
> 
> Okay
> 
> So
> 
> Next Chapter
> 
>  
> 
> **== > [S] John: Take Him**


	101. ==> [S] John: Take Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's certain he's sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 chapters? I think they've waited long enough for this.
> 
> As always, I will place my NO PENIS GUYS disclaimer here, but actually, this time I went and asked for some advice ;)

When they were both alone, he had gently pushed Bro to sit on the edge of the bed, moving up to straddle his lap as he started to plant gentle, fleeting kisses on his lips. Though at first the Strider had paused with hands on the covers, he quickly lifted them, fingers brushing meaningless shapes up and down John's sides as they both tilted together and let closed mouths give way to hot lips and tongues. It stayed quick and light, for a while. Then Bro's hand lifted and slipped up into John's hair, holding him in a long, deeper kiss, so strong and wanting that for a few moments he forgot to breathe.

As it ended, he managed a shaky gasp, then pushed forward again, the force sending them both tumbling backwards to land flat on the bed with a soft thud.

Bro's hands dropped as John shifted to get more comfortable above him, cool leather sliding under his pullover and the sweater beneath it and finding his hot skin. He trembled as Bro skimmed his fingertips up his back, and then as the hands dropped to take hold of all the hems of his tops in one go, John reached down to help him, pulling them off and throwing the bundle of clothes somewhere on the floor, his focus still on Bro and their kiss.

This felt so weird, knowing what he wanted it to build to. There was a frantic fluttering in his stomach that fought with the warm buzz their embraces always brought, and everywhere Bro touched him he was was acutely aware of the sensation, mind tracking the motion of Bro's hands as though they left bright trails across his skin. When he apprehensively reached for Bro's sweater, the Strider pushed him to sit up and pulled it off himself, leaving John's eyes moving over his familiar chest as his heart returned to flooding his ears with a nervous drum and his tongue wetted his suddenly dry feeling lips.

"John." Bro said softly, reaching up to him, and he leant back to him, slowly letting their bodies meet. He felt like he could just sink into Bro's warmth, and there was something electrifying about the feeling of their bare skin meeting. A small reassurance that he _did_ know what he wanted, and it was right here, beneath him.

Everything about this was different. It wasn't like they had done anything new yet, it just felt like there was more meaning in each movement, more motive in each kiss. The heat that usually built slowly inside him was sparking to life far quicker than normal, and when Bro's stroking hands dipped so his thumbs hooked into John's slacks, it took a lot for the younger man not to just whimper into his mouth.

There were other things, smaller things, that were odd. He was aware of the feeling of the ring, when his fingers squeezed together, metal warmed by his body. Aware of the fresher scars that his fingers sometimes found on Bro's chest, gained in the months since he'd last seen him. Above all of that, something didn't sit right with him. The taste on his tongue was wrong, and it took him a few minutes to finally place why.

"You aren't drunk." John mumbled, the next time they broke apart to breathe. Bro raised an eyebrow at him, and the flush already on his cheeks grew deeper. "I just... usually when we do stuff, you've been drinking."

"How the fuck do you know that?"

"Because you always taste of tobacco and whiskey." John replied, feeling stupid actually saying it out loud. "You, um. You don't taste of any kind of alcohol, today."

"Oh." Bro shrugged, his cheeks heating up just enough John could notice it. It was an obvious sign no matter how stupid it had sounded, he'd been right. "I figured I'd avoid drinking, yeah. If we do anything right now, I want it to be because we chose to, not 'cause I was drunk and thought it sounded like a good idea. You deserve better than me messing with you 'cause I'm tipsy or whatever. I haven't been drinking for the last few days because of it."

"Holy fuck, that's the most romantic thing you've ever done for me."

"More romantic than getting fucking frostbite in my knee for you?"

"I thought the knee thing never happened."

"...Touché."

John chuckled, leaning down again, but his laughter faded as soon as their lips were close together. That flutter was back, stronger, and his head was starting to feel light with excitement and a little apprehension. He dipped straight in to run his tongue down over the stud in Bro's, and the Texan made a little sound of surprise, before hungrily sucking him in and tangling both hands into John's curls. It didn't take long to relax back into eager, lingering kisses, and with each one John was getting dizzier.

His hands sunk into the cover above Bro's shoulders, fingers clenching tightly into the fabric. This was it. Now or never. If he couldn't get up the courage today, after everything that had happened, it was going to be a fucking long time before he could!

With a gulp, he pulled away from Bro's mouth, trailing kisses across his rough cheek and jaw and then up gently to his ear. When he reached it, he took a shallow breath, nuzzling against him before he whispered, "Bro?"

"Uh huh?" Bro replied softly, pressing a soft kiss to his neck.

"I want to..." Oh God, his voice was shaking a little. "I want to actually, um... sleep... with you."

Bro froze, lips still against John's skin. There were a few moments of silence, and then he gave a strangled, "What?"

"I want to sleep with you." He repeated more confidently, closing his eyes and listening to Bro's soft breaths. The hands in his hair slid down to his back, and as the Texan's fingers splayed over his shoulder blades, he bit his lip and pushed up to actually look down into Bro's eyes. Their gazes locked, and Bro seemed to snap out of a daze.

His eyes darted over John's face, and then he sighed, taking hold of the younger man's arms and pushing him up so they were both sitting, John's hands pressing lightly to his chest. He stayed quiet, clearly deep in thought, and with each second that dragged by John's mood began to drop. He was going to say no. _He was going to say no._

"John," Bro began slowly, not quite meeting his gaze. "I want to." John straightened, more eager, before Bro continued, "I really want to, but..."

"But?" John repeated, hunching back down as his brief hopeful rise plummeted again.

"Look, John, when I spoke to your Dad... I said I wouldn't take advantage of you and I really fucking want to keep that promise, okay? He said he could understand the feelings and whatever but physical shit is different, and he's right, John. This is big stuff. You can't rush into it."

Anger sparked in him. Of course Dad had said that! Of course he fucking had!

"He doesn't have anything to do with this!" He said, voice heated. "Oh my God, why the fuck is it up to Dad to decide what I do with my life? I'm not rushing into this, Bro! I know what I want and what I want is to actually sleep with the man who _asked me to marry him_!"

Bro flinched as John pointedly waved his ring between them, quickly catching his hand and pulling it back down. "John, I don't want to hurt you! You aren't fucking ready for this, okay? You're not."

"I've been ready for everything else!"

"No, you _haven't_ been! That's the _point_. I've already fucked up with you, John, and holy shit, I never want to do that again."

"Bro, please. I've been thinking about this since March, okay? I've been thinking about it all the time and I finally got to the point I _know_ I'm ready and I just... God, don't say no now, please!"

"John-"

"I love you, and I... I trust you! I know you won't hurt me, Bro."

Bro's look softened, but quickly he flushed red and awkwardly cleared his throat.

"That's really fucking sweet, John. Seriously. But, uh." He shifted uneasily. "There's more than one way to hurt someone."

"Bro, I know the first time sort of upset you but I'm over it, okay? I forgave you. You don't have to worry about fucking me up or whatever you think you're going to do!"

"No, _John-_ " Bro grimaced at him. "No, look, think about what we're talking about. _I would hurt you._ "

"No you wouldn't! I'm sure about doing this, I-!"

Bro put a hand over his mouth, red to the tips of his ears and with his mouth twisted in frustration. "John." He said quickly, voice pained. "There's 'oh no, my feelings are hurt, I'm gonna cry!'" John nodded, and Bro rolled his eyes, before continuing in a rush, "And then there's _'oh holy shit this dick is too big!'_ "

Oh.

_Oh holy fuck!_

John squeaked, then laughed as Bro dropped his hand, his cheeks now burning a pleasant colour to match the Strider's obvious embarrassment. With a small smile, he scratched the back of his neck and mumbled, "It can't be _that_ bad."

"John, I am not just being conceited here, I know I would hurt you if you've never done shit before, okay?"

"But..."

Bro took hold of him and pushed him to one side, standing at soon as John slid off of him. He turned to face him, rolling his eyes. "John, has anything _ever_ entered your ass?"

"U-Uh!" John stammered, laughing nervously. "No? I haven't really... I mean I hadn't done... _that_ with anything, no."

"Well then. Are you really sure the first thing you want to try and manage should be this?" Bro undid his slacks and hooked a thumb into them and his boxers, pulling them down enough his other hand could hold up his half-hard dick. John stared, because okay. Um. _Okay._

"Oh my God are those piercings?"

"Yes, John. That is a ladder. From the way you're staring at it like my dick is made of gold, I'm assuming you haven't fucking seen one before."

"Didn't that _hurt_?"

"No, John, having a needle shoved through my dick didn't hurt _at all_."

"And is that how big-"

"No, John, this isn't the hardest it gets, because shockingly arguing with you is not the sexiest shit in the world."

"How-"

"Nine inches give or take."

" _Oh_."

There were a few beat of silence as John fidgeted, now trying to think this through. So maybe he hadn't actually thought about this properly, because yeah, taking that thing had _not_ been on his mind. Bro waited, watching him with a frown, before coughing softly.

"Can I put my dick awa-"

" _Yes._ " John replied swiftly, shooting him a glare. "I'm... thinking. I mean, in all the, uh, the porn I've seen, it just fits! Without anything problems or anything! But I can't imagine that in my, uh. Yeah."

"John, little secret. Porn is nothing like real sex. Porn is what a virgin thinks sex is going to be like."

"But why would they make it that way?"

"Dude, don't ask me."

"You're a porn star!"

"And I fuck _puppets_." Bro replied pointedly, grabbing Lil Bro from the pillows and squeaking him in John's face. "Now I'm not sure what _natural_ puppet sex is like, John, but I'm gonna go ahead and guess my films ain't it."

Despite himself, John laughed, taking the smuppet and letting it rest in his lap. He dragged his teeth over his lip, then blushed and looked up to Bro.

"I still want to, though. I mean it! I've spent months thinking about doing it with you and I... I still really, really want to, Bro."

"With that reaction, you need to get comfortable with the actual _idea_ of it first, let alone how it's gonna feel. John, if you wanna do this shit, you need to go away and actually work yourself up to it. Fingers and your fucking smuppet will be your weapons in that quest. You've gotta get used to it, get _comfortable_ with it. Besides, you can't just skip to a dick and expect it not to hurt. Sure, it'd start to feel good now, maybe. But tomorrow? Holy fuck, John, you'd suffer tomorrow. I'd rather you got through that at a speed _you_ set, not one I'd be trying to control."

"...Oh."

"I just don't wanna hurt you. Once you're ready, maybe, but you're not ready now. See, if I was gonna take, this wouldn't be a fucking issue, because I actually do shit down there with my puppets often enough I'm comfortable with it in every way I can be. You need to just take some time, and then maybe you'd get as ready to take... as... me..."

Bro's voice dropped off. He stared at John, mouth still a little open, before his gaze drifted and his expression shifted to that brooding one it always did when he was thinking hard about something.

"Bro?" John asked nervously, after the silence continued too long to be comfortable.

Bro blinked, focusing on him, rubbing his arms as he clearly thought of what to say. At last, he shrugged slightly. "Are you sure, John?"

"Am I sure about what?"

"About doing this. This is a big thing, okay? You can't take it back. Your first time would forever be here, and now, with me."

"What, on Christmas Day in a mansion with the man I'm in love with? Wow, that sounds _terrible_." John gave him what he hoped was an encouraging smile. "Bro, I'm sure. I really am. We don't get long together and if there's any day I want to do this, it's today. I'm not a kid, Bro. I know what I want."

Bro ran a hand over his chin. His gaze moved up and down John, who watched him apprehensively, bracing for the refusal he was now pretty certain was coming.

"John... I want to, but you're seriously not ready to take anything, let alone actually receive." John slumped a little, but he'd been expecting it. He looked down at Bro's feet as they shifted uncomfortably. "But I _want_ to. I wouldn't do this for anyone else, okay? You're fucking special, and I hope you know it."

John looked up to him in slight confusion, his boyfriend staring straight back with apprehensive certainty written across his features. "I'll take it. You... fuck me."

"What?"

"Oh _hell_ no we aren't having that fucking 'I don't get it' shit all over again. John. Your dick. My ass. Are we clear here?"

"O-Oh! Yeah! Um. That was pretty fucking clear!" John gave a nervous laugh, before dropping his gaze to Lil Bro, his heart speeding up with little pleasant flutters. "You'd um. You'd do that for me?"

"Only for you."

"Why? Don't you like doing it?"

Bro shrugged, scratching the back of his head. "Nah, I can go either way, I just... I don't usually trust guys enough to do it."

"Oh my God." He replied, in a voice filled with how cute he thought that was. Bro glared at him, and John just beamed back. "Bro, I want to 'aww'. Don't make me 'aww'."

"John I can still back the fuck out, and I will, you asshole. It's not cute. It's just true."

"Yeah, but you trust me! I'm feeling all fuzzy inside."

"I wouldn't have asked you to be my bride if I didn't trust you, John."

John's grin faded to a warm smile. He took Lil Bro and lent across so he could lay him gently on the bedside table, before standing and moving close to Bro, putting his hands up on his cheeks. Bro's blush settled, and he sighed, leaning in close enough their noses touched.

"I trust you, John, and I love you."

"I know." He murmured, pushing up into a long, soft kiss, that sparked wonderful bursts of warmth in his chest. When they broke apart, he stayed near to him, lightly stroking his thumbs over Bro's rough stubble. "Wow, Bro. I love you so much, baby."

"Did you seriously just call me baby?"

"What's wrong with that? I've called you it before. Come on, Bro, I'm not even allowed to use your real name, don't say I can't use pet names either!"

"That name is Dirk's now, though, it would be fucking creepy if you called me it."

"So let me call you baby, baby."

"...You won't shut up until I agree, will you?"

"Nope." John smiled, and Bro rolled his eyes. "It isn't that bad, is it?"

"I guess I'll put up with it."

Silence fell between them, John's smile dimming as Bro took hold of his waist. The laughter gave way to a tense thrill when the Strider pressed down into a strong kiss, following it with quick embrace after quick embrace, dragging John's hips in close to his own. This time, John didn't try and stay quiet, and as Bro shifted a hand around to tightly squeeze his ass, he gave a soft noise against his lips, feeling the Strider breathe out sharply in return.

The fire that had died in him was starting to roar again, his fingers sliding down Bro's neck and around to stroke his back, lingering between his shoulder blades. They were flush to one another, firm chests together, and once more John's skin felt alight with sensation, noticing all these tiny things he swore he'd never really felt before.

Bro's hands dropped to his slacks and fumbled with them, and after a moment John let his own fingers slip down to help him, hopping out of them while he tried not to break the kiss, which ended up with his mouth bumping up a little awkwardly against Bro's as they caught on his shoes and he struggled to get them off. He paused and laughed as he finally tossed his trousers away, sitting on the edge of the bed and quickly pulling off his shoes and socks as Bro more casually stripped to his boxers. They looked at each other, and his laughter died. Bro moved forward, placed a knee against the edge of the bed between John's legs, and then slowly raised a hand up his chest. He stiffened a little as Bro's fingers followed the curve of his body to his neck, and then his hand tilted, applying more pressure when it fit the shape of John's throat. It wasn't constricting, but it was hard enough to feel, oddly dizzying even though he could still breathe.

John relaxed as the Texan used the grip to push him backwards, trembling as he laid on the covers with Bro looming hungrily above him. He reached up to run his palms across the firm shapes of Bro's arms and chest, acutely aware of the hand across his throat, now just resting to his skin. There was a thrill in it being there. He ran his fingertips down Bro's arm and laid his palm across the cool leather on the back of his hand, squeezing it gently and feeling the brief, tighter twitch of Bro's fingers against his neck.

Okay, he liked that. He... _really_ liked that.

John felt his growing erection twitch against his boxers, a soft whimper escaping him as Bro broke the kiss. The Strider stared down at him, lips a little parted, before moving down to kiss his cheek, and trail wet, hot embraces down his neck, lingering on the ridge of his collarbone with a long, sucking touch that stung a little, even as it sent that familiar bolt of pleasure racing up his spine. The kisses continued down his chest, and John put a hand over his mouth when the broad heat of Bro's tongue dragged across his nipple, his piercing catching it with a delicious tug. Wow, yes, more of that. With a whimper, he threaded his hands into Bro's hair to keep him there, not trusting his voice, breath shaking with every lap of his boyfriend's tongue against his skin.

At last Bro moved on, despite the insistent tug John gave his hair. He grunted at it and began pushing himself back off of the bed, slick tongue dipping into the curve of John's stomach as he took a shuddering breath in, skimming the edge of his navel and then following the thin trail of hair beneath it. As he reached the band of John's boxers he planted one last kiss to his skin, then pushed himself up, standing and looking down at him.

"Lube and rubbers, John."

John caught his breath as he nodded, staggering up and moving to his case as quickly as he could with his hard dick rubbing against the cotton shorts. He rifled through his things until he found the box and bottle wrapped in a shirt at the bottom of the bag, and withdrew them triumphantly, offering them to Bro as the Strider raised an eyebrow.

"You actually had them with you."

"Thinking about this since March, Bro." John repeated pointedly. "And like... I brought Lil Bro for a reason."

"Oh I bet you did."

John rolled his eyes, letting Bro take the bottle of clear fluid as he took out a foil and left the rest of the box beside Lil Bro on the bedside table. He eyed the packet in his hand a little apprehensively, because maybe he hadn't actually used one of these thing before, but putting on one couldn't be _too_ hard, right?

He fumbled with the edge ('easy tear' his ass!) until it finally gave and the packet ripped open enough he could sort of pull the thing inside out, watching it deform through the gap with a slightly bemused expression. He'd know they were the ones that were already lubed, but Christ, it was actually _slippery_ between his fingers, and as he dropped the packet he looked down and groaned. Yeah, okay, taking his boxers off _before_ he got his fingers covered in slime would have been a great idea!

John shifted to hold the condom in the palm of one hand as he used the other to struggle out of his boxers, glancing up and catching sight of the amused smirk on Bro's face. He glared, but as soon as his dick was free he turned his focus back to it, grasping it and running his hand up and down it once before squinting down at the innocuous roll of latex. Okay. He could totally do this and not fuck up in front on his hot boyfriend who he was suddenly noticing was now naked and wow, okay, _yes_ Bro hadn't been lying about getting bigger holy shit.

John gave a soft groan.

"Focus, John." Bro chided him gently, and he snapped out of it, flushing and looking back down to his own, noticeably smaller shaft. Oh, well then. Hello startling lack of self confidence.

Nonetheless, he moved the condom to his tip, trying to roll it down and ending up pushing so quickly across it a few times his hand just slid over the surface without any grip. He swore, tried again, and tried to ignore Bro snickering at him, shooting a glare up at the Strider as he finally managed to get it all the way down. John gave a soft triumphant noise, but Bro laughed a little louder.

"Well done, John. The simplest part of sex, and you've already fucked it up."

"What?" He replied, his brief victory fading. Bro rolled his eyes, moving over.

"First off, that's inside out. Yes, John, they actually have a side that's meant to be for you, and one that's meant to be for me. Secondly, this thing will pop like a fucking balloon when you finish, there's no space in there for it to actually go into and you probably practically tore the fucking thing because you rammed it on like your life depended on it."

"Oh for fuck's-" John's voice turned to a choke as Bro reached out and rolled it back off with several smooth pumps of his thumb and finger, trying to toss it into the small bin by John's desk and leaving it sort of hanging over the edge. That had felt good, John wouldn't deny it, but holy fuck. "Bro, I only just got that on!"

"Yeah, you got it on badly. Jesus, I never thought I'd have to teach a boyfriend how to put on a fucking rubber. Watch and learn, John."

Bro tugged his gloves off, dropping them with his trousers before he leant back and grabbed another foil out of the box. In a clean motion, he tore it open with his teeth, pulling out the condom and dropping the packet.

"Lesson one," He said casually, "Never open them like that."

John went to make a comment but Bro had pinched the tip and had it resting to his head, thumb and forefinger forming most of a circle behind the rolled up latex. As he started to slowly work it up John's shaft, John stared, the fingers quickly becoming a hand that felt so fucking good as it firmly brushed along his skin. "Lesson two, leave space to finish into, and go slow so you don't tear a hole in it."

"Uh... Yeah, okay." John mumbled, the thing on completely and Bro's hand pumping a few times to smooth it out. "Wow. Um."

"Third thing, if it's the right way round, it'll be easier to get on." Bro shrugged, then dropped his hands, John whining at the sudden lack of contact. "You weren't listening to a fucking thing I said, were you?"

"You were talking?"

Bro snorted and smiled up at him, before swiping the bottle of lube he'd dropped on the bed and climbing onto it, shifting smoothly to lie on his back. He shuffled to get comfortable, and as John stared he chuckled, shifting his legs apart and lifting his hips up as he popped open the cap.

"Well I hope you were paying attention, 'cause I ain't showing you again." Bro told him softly, slicking his fingers with thick, clear gel. "Give me a second."

John's dick twitched when Bro lowered his hand, slick fingers reaching past his still semi-erect dick and starting to spread the lube messily around his asshole. For a moment, John just watched, and then he moved forward, kneeling on the bed between Bro's legs and watching, mesmerised by the motions of his hand as he squirted more fluid onto them and then began rubbing circles over the darker ring, fingers quickly working up to vanish inside, one by one. Bro groaned quietly further up the bed, and John's eyes flicked from his spreading fingers to his face, eyes shut and head tipped back towards the ceiling. He was kind of spreading them into a V-shape now, and then he had sunk a third finger into himself and okay, wow, this should not be as fucking arousing as it was.

John's tongue wet his lips as he rested one hand against Bro's firm thigh, his other hand starting to brush across his own dick. Apparently Bro was enjoying this, because his flagging erection was back and pulsing, and with every shift of his hand and apparent curl of his fingers he made small noises, muffled through clenched teeth but oh so good to hear. As he watched, and listened, reality struck John for the first time.

He was going to actually fuck a guy, and that guy was _Bro_.

Holy shit.

Slowly, John moved to all fours, crawling up above him while trying not to disturb his hand. When he reached Bro's face he kissed his jaw and neck, and with a gentle moan Bro forced his hazy eyes open, pulling his head back down to stare at John and giving a distant smile.

"You r-ready?"

"I think so." John replied softly, lightly kissing his lips. "Are you?"

"Yeah." John heard Bro's fingers withdraw with a soft, wet sound, and then he felt him rub the excess lube over the condom, gasping and involuntarily bucking his hips at the sensation. "Down, boy." Bro murmured, before in a more serious tone he added, "Just do this at your pace. Take it slow if you want, alright?"

"Okay." He shifted his hips down as Bro's hand helped guide him, cheeks flushing as he felt his head press to warm skin. "Oh wow, uh. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, John." Bro smiled, his free hand pulling John down to kiss him. "Don't worry."

He took a long breath though his nose, focusing on their next kiss as he began to rock his hips forward. He was afraid to do it in one push, so he eased forward, bit by bit, eyes widening as he felt the slick flesh part around him, still clinging to him tightly. Bro grunted into his mouth, one hand taking hold of his ass and digging his nails in a little as John froze in place.

"Are you-?"

"John, I'm fine, fuck!" Bro hissed, both hands tugging him closer. "Keep going!"

Wordlessly, John pushed his hips forward, and as he slid beyond the initial tightness all he could he feel was heat, pressing to him on all sides, gripping him as he shuddered and his hips twitched in another unintended thrust. This felt _so_ fucking _good_. It was nothing like his hand, or a smuppet. It was hot and clenching and _alive_ , and when he moaned and shifted to take a purposeful thrust, Bro groaned back, carding his hands through his hair.

"J-John." He breathed, and John nodded, now rocking his hips so he went deeper each time. "We need to be quiet. If your Dad or anyone hears-"

"I'm trying." He replied unsteadily, stifling a moan. Each motion of his body, he could feel his dick moving. He could feel heat, and the point of intense tightness followed by a slight weaker grip that was still more than enough to leave him pulsing with each new push forward. At last, he thrusted, and his hips bumped Bro's skin as he found himself deep in maddening warmth.

For a few, long seconds, he stayed there, eyes shut and heart deafening. Bro's hands were lightly rubbing his sides and right now, that was making him want to hiss and gasp in pleasure, everything electric and intense and wonderful.

"John." Bro murmured again, and John forced his eyes open, looking down at him. He was flushed and his lips were apart, his pupils blown up in his half-shut eyes, and John just basked in it, as he watched him. This was his boyfriend, looking so utterly perfect. This was his boyfriend he could feel around him.

He dipped into a long kiss, and as he did he pulled back his hips, slow at first, shuddering at all the sensations pouring through his body. His dick was throbbing as he left it mostly exposed long enough to adjust his knees, and then he was moving forward, quicker, firmer, Bro's teeth closing sharply around his lip as he felt the rush of the heat closing back around him and he struggled not to make a sound.

With growing confidence he started to move in and out of him with a regular beat, slumping forward a little and giving soft whimpers that were rising quickly into louder cries. Bro shifted his hips, and the unexpected motion left John hitting deeper, his eyes going wide and an honest groan escaping him.

"John... John, fuck, bite your knuckle, hold your breath, do _something_ , _please_!"

"I-" He tried to hold his breath as he'd been asked, and it made his mind drift, until he took Bro's hand and pulled it up to his throat. "U-Uh. Like before, please."

"What?"

"Squeeze like before." John's cheeks heated up, as though they weren't already burning, "I liked it."

Bro's eyes locked onto his, before he tilted his hand a little and took firm hold, tightening his grip enough John felt his breath grow shallow. It sent a surge down him as he gave a muffled moan, and his hips moved faster, warmth building up rapidly in the pit of his stomach as he revelled in how _alive_ he felt, right now. At how he could feel _everything_ , and everything felt _good_.

Bro's legs hooked around his waist, which raised the older man's hips up and changed the angle again. This time it was Bro who gave a sound, rolling his head back, fingers spasming harder into John's skin.

John wasn't entirely sure what he was doing to get that response, but he desperately tried to keep doing the same, shaking as he felt the Strider's crossed legs try to pull him deeper. John leant down to kiss him, which meant the pressure on his throat grew hard and constricting, and despite what he expected that just made him more eager to keep going. Everything was electric sparks and burning heat. Everything was need and want and pleasure.

Bro kissed him, rough and messy, their lips and tongues sliding against each other in an off-beat rush for contact. He didn't care, right now. It felt perfect, and as he kept thrusting, convinced he was going to overload from how good everything felt around his dick when he moved it, Bro started to groan into his mouth, voice shaky and breathless and music to his ears. The Texan's mouth fell away from his as Bro dropped the hand from his neck to bite the knuckle of his thumb, his cries now muffled, and John took a gasping breath. Wow, okay. That felt incredible.

He felt Bro's other hand move and heard Bro take a hissing breath as it closed around his neglected dick, John's neck craning as he tried to watch. He could see the furious pump of Bro's fingers, see the glistening puddle of pre on his stomach and the thread that connected it to his flushed head, and yes, he liked seeing that a _lot_. His gaze drifted past as he watched his own hips move, and there was this sudden tightening in his stomach as he watched himself glide in and out of Bro. He'd been feeling it, of course he had, but holy shit. He could see himself fucking him and wow. Just...

Wow.

His gaze moved back up to Bro's face and he forced the hand the Texan was biting away, quickly covering his open mouth with his own lips. They kissed frantically, and around him, John could feel Bro clenching, which was sending sharp tremors across his body. His breath was starting to grow hard and heavy, a tingling buzz racing over his skin, and it grew strong as his toes curled and he pushed harder into the embrace, eyes widening. Everything was building and suddenly he couldn't hold it back. His muscles tensed, and there was a pressure in his dick, everything wanting to just escape it, all at once.

His head was light and he almost felt like he would pass out, his vision blurring even through his glasses as his hips rocked automatically, all control of them too difficult to grasp. Right now all there was was _Bro_ , and he could taste his lips and tongue, tobacco and orange and rich chocolatey cocoa. He felt like he was melting into him again, but this time it was overwhelming, and he shook with how good it felt, dragging himself closer and never, ever, wanting this to end.

When it hit him it was in waves, each one crashing down on him and sending him back over the edge, and he could feel _everything_ around his shaft, intoxicating and buzzing and like no time before. He shook in place, forgot how to breathe, and all the sensation was just too much, just too good, blinding him for a second as his skin tingled and his dick filled with a feeling he couldn't even try to describe.

His head felt clear, and he was flying high as it dimmed enough he could gasp out a shuddering breath, staring down at Bro with wide eyes now that he could actually see again. The Texan had a hand on his cheek he hadn't felt press there, and as they stared at each other, John panted, smiled in a daze, and almost instantly Bro's eyes rolled and he shook under him, folded legs locking up, ass clenching tight around John's sensitive shaft and leaving him choking at the sudden, intense sensation.

They both trembled through it, and when it faded Bro took a slow breath, falling still, trembling legs uncurling and laying back flat on the bed. John slid forward to just hug him, ignoring the hot slickness between their stomachs. He didn't care. He just wanted hugs, and to remember how to actually move.

"Holy fuck, I love you." Bro murmured, above his head. John laughed, snuggling down against his shoulder.

"I love you too." He replied happily, kissing his skin. Now that it was over, and the high was a little dimmer, he finally noticed how hot and damp they actually were. "God, we need a shower."

"Fuck that, John. Tomorrow." Bro wriggled sideways and reached off the bed, returning with his shirt. "Sit up a sec, and y'know. Pull out any time you want, because having your soft dick up my ass all night is not really on my list of things to do."

"Shut up." John pushed back, gasping and shuddering as he felt himself drag out. Okay, holy _fuck_ he was sensitive right now. Bro wiped off their stomachs as John fumbled off the rubber, tying a knot in it and throwing it roughly at the bin. "Well, that was-" Bro moved the top to clean his shaft and he squeaked, flailing at him, biting his lip hard as he rubbed along it. That was too much right now! Way too much!

Bro snickered as he finished, and John shoved his shoulder. He finally took his glasses off and dropped them on Lil Bro's back before he laid back down on top of the smuppet's bigger counterpart, hearing the shirt dropping back to the floor. The Texan's arms wrapped around him, and he pressed his ear to Bro's rising chest, listening to the slowing, soothing drum of his heart.

They were a tangle of legs and arms, but John didn't mind. He felt satisfied, and warm, and just so fucking _in love_ that everything felt like it was exactly as it should be. Bro was here with him, holding him, and that was enough it kept the smile on his face firmly in place.

"Thank you." He mumbled, fingers brushing the golden piercing in the nipple in front of his eyes. Bro shifted, catching his hand and squeezing it tightly, raising it out of John's sight to brush rough lips across his knuckles. When he lowered it, Bro kept his hand above it, resting both against his breast. "I love you, Bro."

Bro murmured a soft noise of agreement, and appreciation, and that was enough. John closed his eyes, still smiling, and let the beat of his lover's heart soothe him into a deep, happy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nnn.
> 
> WELL NOW.
> 
> By the way, I just wanted to say I was blown away by all of the amazing things you guys have been saying! I have no plans of finishing this any time soon, and when it ends I have several continuations of this universe to carry on with, including Bro and John's story, so I'd consider it more the end of this 'part'.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~I also realised most of my favourite authors have now said they like this work and that is seriously terrifying and incredible. I love you all, oh God, let me flail in your general direction, I am not worthy.~~


	102. ==> Bro: Make A Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has a lot to think about, and this talk won't help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been ill and being ill sucks but oh hey look a chapter!
> 
> Yay!

He wasn't used to waking up feeling this happy. It was an odd feeling; a warmth in his chest and a wholeness to his being, pleasant memories trickling in through the brief amnesia of waking to make his heart swell with everything that had happened the night before.

He'd been so scared he was going to fuck it up, when the time came. That he'd force it, or be too rough, or just lose it and break the younger man. What had happened wasn't quite what he'd expected or intended, but he was pleased it had all gone the way it did. Pleased they'd both come out of it smiling and feeling it had been _right_. He knew his first time had left him a confused mess of knowing something had felt _wrong_ but not quite knowing _what_ , and though Roxy had tried her hardest for him, there were times he did regret it.

Bro didn't regret that he'd shared last night with John, though. He hoped John wouldn't ever regret it either.

At last, he gained enough energy to open his eyes, looking over towards the sunlight creeping past the curtains and then tilting his head down to look at John. They were still curled up together, hands clasped, John's hair even messier than normal and his breathing quick enough Bro knew he was awake. The Texan smiled, reaching his free hand up to softly stroke John's curls.

"Morning, baby." John murmured, opening his eyes and looking up to him with a grin. Bro rolled his eyes at the pet name, but his cheerful expression didn't dim. The younger man wriggled a little to free the arm trapped under his back, then moved up him, gently rubbing their noses together when he was finally close enough to do so. "Yesterday was amazing."

"Yeah." Though he probably wouldn't admit it out loud, it was probably pretty high up the admittedly short list of the best days of his life. Bro kissed John's cheek, settling instead for replying, "I wouldn't change a moment of it."

"Even the bit where you nearly set fire to the kitchen?"

"Why do you always say shit like that when I'm trying to be romantic?"

John chuckled, squeezing his hand. "Bro, you have already officially romanced me, okay? I am in a perpetual state of swooning at this point. My anime blush is so permanent you don't notice it anymore. If I don't counter extra romance with snark, I'll overload, dude. You'll charm me into a state of constant stupid fawning. No one wants that, Bro. No one wants that."

"John, you're turning this into a shitty sitcom. You're making it like I'm the older charming man wooing you, and you're the young sarcastic shit who's secretly all in dokis."

"One was from Texas, the other was from Washington! One was a handsome fuck, the other was kinda Asian looking! One was a porn baron, the other, someday, a doctor! Truly a perfect match. It was fated in the stars!"

"You still wanna be a doctor?"

John's smile dimmed, and he blushed, laughing nervously. "Well, yeah. I want to help people and whatever! And science has always seemed so cool to me. It used to be some stupid daydream, I guess, but I'm pretty sure that's what I wanna do, now, if I can." He shrugged. "Kar and me talk about it a lot. He wants to go into genetics, he's always been fascinated by mutations and stuff like that. Having someone else around who's, like, seriously looking at pursuing it as a career made it more real for me. I realised if I really go for it, it's something I can seriously _do_."

"Well you go for it then. Chase your dreams. Be the star. All that motivational crap it's way too early for me to tell you with conviction even though I fucking mean it."

"Wow, how encouraging. If you were more awake you might even have been supportive."

"I am full of support. I'm leaking the stuff. I will be so fucking supportive I'll be carrying you over my shoulder all the way to doctor-hood." Bro paused, gazing up at the ceiling. "Okay, yeah, I'm not even making sense right now."

"You're cute when you're sleepy." John murmured softly, kissing him. Bro relaxed into it, letting each long embrace draw lazily out until at last John lifted his head and smiled. "Yeah, though. I want to be a doctor and I'm looking at what discipline would appeal to me so I can find out what I've got to do to get there, given being a doctor is actually a really vague goal. Kar knows he wants to be a research geneticist, so he's already looking into all the courses that would help him get there. I'm still floating in the big expanse of 'something vaguely medical'."

"Well as we've chosen some fucking ridiculous time of morning to discuss this, I can't promise I'll be much help narrowing that down."

"Rose thinks I should go into something to do with kids? She says I'd get on well with children."

"Well you've been pretty cool with Dirk and he's probably as close as you've got to a kid around here."

"Maybe." As he grew distracted, John had started tracing light lines over the older man's chest with the very tips of his long fingers, and Bro shut his eyes to enjoy the sensation. "Hey, Bro? What did you want to be, when you were my age?"

"I wanted to go into engineering. Robotics. Took a job in a garage, amongst other things, and that was the one I got furthest in. Was on track to be in a pretty decent position there."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Dave."

John's fingers paused, and Bro shrugged, anticipating the next question. "I carried on working there after I took him in, for a while, but then the site I'd set up as some stupid side thing ended up becoming more popular and it just made more sense to do that so I could stay at home with him. It was a tough decision, but I figured it was for the best, and I mean... I already told you why I wouldn't go into that now. The more I do robotics and shit just for me, the more I realise I don't wanna do it for anyone else."

"So you wouldn't do it now?"

"Maybe someday. I already do the DJ shit for Ampora 'cause I want to. If I was careful with my money I could retire and do _whatever_ I fucking wanted at this point, John. Right now I'm happy with the way things are. I actually enjoy my job, whether or not I woulda chosen to do it, way back then, and it ain't like I gave up on robotics, is it? Look at Dirk. I just do it quietly, out of choice." 

"Well I think it's awesome, however you choose to do it." John kissed his cheek, and Bro raised an eyebrow at him. "It is! I mean you built _Dirk_ , I don't even wanna know what other stuff you've got hidden away that I don't know about!"

"I've got a couple of things, yeah. Maybe I'll show you some of them, sometime."

"I'd like that."

For a while, they both fell silent, just watching each other, other than the odd exchange of gentle kisses. Bro raised a hand to John's cheek, smile dimming.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, and John blushed, nodding. The younger man chewed his lip, fingers pausing over Bro's heart, and glanced down.

"Are we going to do it again, tonight?" He was clearly nervous, and Bro chuckled, tugging him down into a comforting kiss.

"If you want to, John."

The next embrace was slower, longer, John's hand sliding out to flatten over his breast. He tipped his head into it, revelled in it, and when they broke apart he chased John up with smaller brushes of their lips, leaving them both sitting with foreheads resting together.

"I want to visit you again, this year." Bro nodded before he'd finished speaking, already knowing he would do anything to make sure they could be together as often as possible. "Whenever I can, I want to visit. You could come to see me, too, Bro! I just... I don't want to spend any longer than I have to without seeing you."

"We'll figure something out, okay? I'll sort shit with your Dad, I guess, about me coming to you or you coming to me."

"Someday it won't just be for a holiday." John murmured, eyes searching Bro's, and the Strider sighed.

"Someday, yeah."

"Someday soon?"

Bro paused, and looked at his hopeful expression, and despite everything positive he felt he should feel, the bottom of his stomach dropped out. Holy shit, John wanted to _move in with him._ Holy fuck! But... Of course he did! They were engaged!

Fuck. They were _engaged_.

They were engaged and John wanted to move in with him and _they had slept together_ and abruptly the only thing he could think of was _John was fifteen years old._

He was internally screaming. Outwardly, all that happened was his forehead furrowed, and the stare he was giving John grew intense.

"Um. Bro?" The younger man asked nervously, but Bro didn't trust his voice to reply.

He'd had the argument with Dave himself, about how age didn't matter. He'd defended it! It had bothered him, sometimes, but all of a sudden it felt like a massive weight had dropped on him, and all he could think about was he'd forgotten his promises, that he'd fucked up.

Love was something that age shouldn't affect, he still believed that completely. The rest of the shit that had happened? That was completely different.

"Bro?" John asked again, more insistently, starting to sound concerned. Bro's gaze snapped away from him, his mind repeating back all the arguments he'd had, with himself, and Dad, and Dave. Repeating back every word John had angrily shouted at him, when he thought he was rejecting him.

_He's just a child!_

_I'm not a kid!_

"I'm, uh." John cleared his throat, stroking the older man's cheek again before sliding backwards off of the bed. "I was gonna go hang out with Dave, I don't really want to be late. He'll never stop complaining!"

Bro didn't reply, silently watching John dress. He was going to hang out with Dave, who was still _older_ than he was. Holy shit.

It wasn't like this was the first time he'd worried about all of this, hell no. He'd spent sleepless nights thinking about it, after John went home the first time. Spent days sitting contemplating it, before this trip. It was just that for some reason this felt worse, with John actually _there_. All the ifs and maybes that usually tormented him were suddenly things that had already happened, or likely would at some point soon. Things he'd promised he would wait for, that he was now worried maybe he'd rushed.

And yet, none of it felt _wrong._

"I'll see you later, I guess." John murmured, moving onto the bed enough to plant a kiss to his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." Bro managed back, and John smiled at getting any response at all, straightening and heading out. As the door shut behind him, Bro covered his face, taking a few, long breaths.

He was fine. For fuck's sake, he'd actually talked to John's Dad about being with him, and every time he spoke about it with John himself he was more and more sure the younger man wasn't just rushing into it. After the first time, he'd never forced _anything_ on John, it had all been things they both wanted, and everything last night he was sure John had chosen and was ready for.

He just couldn't quite shake the knowledge that if anyone else was just bluntly told about what they had done together, they might not be so understanding.

In the end, he ejected Cal into his arms, sitting cradling him against his shoulder as he played through all the old arguments again and again.

.:.

It was just after lunch when he finally actually emerged, the morning's freak out finally contained enough he could function. His original plan was to find John and apologise for locking up, but even as he wandered down the corridor he decided against that. If John was hanging with his friends, he'd leave him to it, especially if it was Dave. He was pretty sure he'd see him that night, anyway, and it wasn't like telling him now or then made much of a difference.

His new plan became to find Roxy, to talk to her about everything, and that one he was sticking to right up until he looked into the dining area for her and instead found Jake, Dirk and Dad sitting playing poker, his ex-boyfriend's eyes lighting up when he appeared.

"Strider! We were wondering where you'd holed yourself up. Come grab a seat, you'd probably be cracking at this."

"I'm cool, Jake. Don't wanna, uh," His gaze briefly flicked to Dad, who was sipping vodka. _Vodka._ "...Intrude?"

"Nonsense." Dad spoke without looking up from his cards, nudging out the seat beside him. "The children are all out and Roxy is currently screaming down a phone to Miss Crocker. You are welcome to join us."

Oh. Well then. Dad was offering him a seat and smiling while he did so. Because that was a totally normal thing that would normally happen between them.

Bro was staring at him as he slowly sat down.

Dirk leant across the table from his seat on Jake's lap to pour him some vivid yellow liqueur, insisting he would like it, and Bro took it, sipping it and finding it not quite as vile as he'd expected. After a few moments of nothing happening, he finally relaxed, watching their game with vague interest.

"You know it's hard to sleep when people are not keeping their voices down."

And then he was choking on his drink, Dad amicably pushing a few of the bottle-caps they were using as chips towards the pile in the centre of the table. Bro wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, cheeks heating up.

"We were quiet!" He replied quickly, before he'd thought about the implications of what he was saying. Jake gave a surprised laugh, and instantly Bro covered his face, because he was the idiot. It was him.

"Never said I was talking about you, Strider, but thank you for the admission." Dad gave an amused chuckle, and Bro took a longer gulp of his drink, not really sure whether his words had been taken as they had stupidly been intended. "Actually, you _were_ rather quiet, save for the odd slip. What was not quiet was the argument that preceded the event you clearly thought I was referring to."

"You heard that?"

"I believe the initial disagreement was not audible, but it is fairly easy to imagine what it must have been. I will be, as ever, clear with you. I am not happy about what undoubtedly happened. My son is still, in my eyes, far too young for it. However," He added, as Bro tried to sink into his chair and out of sight. "Given that it _did_ occur, I am satisfied with the _way_ in which it did. You actually acted with thought for my son, and for that I suppose I will thank you."

"Oh. Uh-" Bro began, confused. This was not how this conversation went. Holy fuck, this was not how anything between him and Dad went.

"That being said, " The older man remarked, reaching into his pocket. He drew out a playing card from a different deck to the one they were playing with, offering it out to him. Bro took it, turning it over and frowning at it. The Jack of Diamonds. Alright then. "If I ever find out you are just using him, or that anything you have done has not truly been out of love, I have a friend who will find you, and make sure you pay for everything you have done."

Bro stared at him, and Dad smiled cheerfully back, turning his attention back to the game at hand. "I think I'll raise."

Holy fuck. Bro looked back down at the card, then blankly tucked it away in his sylladex, reaching for his drink as Dad apparently chose to forgo his own glass and took a swig from the bottle itself.

His heart slowed back down, because actually, despite the threat, that had gone well. Dad was still chill with things. Cool. Now he just had to relax until John showed up and then-

"So was it good?"

_Holy shit what was wrong with this man today?_

He spluttered again, and it was made worse by the fact that when he resolutely avoided looking at Dad, he noticed Dirk was sitting up alertly, clearly ready to take fucking notes. Bro put a hand over his eyes.

"Why is that even a thing you would fucking ask?"

"It was an innocent enquiry about whether or not you made what I can only assume was his first experience of such things memorable for positive reasons. Why? Did you not do so?"

"No! I! Uh-" Bro cut off, glaring at him. "No, I'm _not_ having that conversation. I'm not doing it. Shit went down, maybe shit was good, that's as much as you're getting."

"That's _all_ we're getting?" Jake asked over the table, and Bro shot him an acid look. The Australian grinned back. "Not even going to share if the future Mrs Strider has any interesting tastes?"

Dirk perked up. Bro floundered.

"No! Holy fuck, why would I tell you that?"

"It would be interesting to know." The machine offered eagerly. "I would be fascinated to know if other father has any particular or unique sexual interests-"

"Oh _hell no._ " Bro snapped back, with what he hoped was a subtle motion towards _John's fucking father._ "Not the time, or the place. Hell it will _never_ be the time or the place!"

"I highly doubt the boy's vanilla, and I certainly know _you're_ not." Jake continued as though blissfully unaware of everything Bro had just said. "Come on, Strider, split open that locked up whistletrap and give us a bone."

"No, holy shit, this is not a discussion I'm fucking having."

Dirk drooped, his eyes dimming, and Jake looked a little upset by that. He rolled his eyes pointedly at Bro, reaching forward and brushing a hand through Dirk's white hair.

"Would you like to hear about what I like instead, dear?" Jake offered, and Dirk bolted straight again, beaming. "Well, you know I like gunplay, you've had enough fun with that one."

Dirk nodded, and Bro groaned. This was not something he had _ever_ intended to sit through.

"I like roleplay, of course, I believe we've touched lightly upon it. After all, what fun is there without a little adventure to spice things up?" Dirk was nodding along, and Bro decided to stare deeply into his drink, willing it to take him away from this place. "And, well...I've never been against trying out the other side's drawers, if you know what I mean."

"I like the silky ones. They feel nice when I touch them." Dirk beamed, turning his attention back to Bro. "Jake shared, father! Do you not feel more comfortable now?"

"Shockingly, _no_. No I fucking don't. Holy fuck, Dirk, I'm not a part of this bizarre show and tell shit you've got going."

"Oh." Dirk sighed, fidgeting with his glass of some vivid green concoction. "It is a shame. I enjoy learning about other people's interests."

"Sorry, then, kid. You ain't getting any from me. Looks like this little session has drawn to an early close."

Dirk glanced up at him, lip sliding out into a fucking _pout_ , and Bro just glared back. Like that would ever actually work on him. The machine's eyes started dimming as he realised he had lost, and for a moment Bro felt satisfied.

Dad cleared his throat beside him.

_Oh hell no._

He shot the man a sidelong look, and saw Dad just casually lighting his pipe, tapping it delicately before placing it between his lips. There were a few beats of total silence, long enough Bro was just starting to relax, before Dad gave a small shrug.

"Restraints, belts, cuffs, blindfolds and so forth. Particularly those that allow me to limit what sensual information is available to my partner. I like to control what they feel and how much they can participate."

Bro threw back the rest of his drink so quickly he half hoped he would drown in it, because _nope_ his mind would not accept what he was hearing.

"Inversely, I suppose, I am also fond of women who talk through the event, as best they can. Descriptions, requests and so forth. I am fond of their voices."

No, no, holy shit _no_.

"I hope that fulfils some of your curiosity, Dirk." Dad smiled, puffing out several bursts of silver smoke. The machine clapped eagerly, nodding. Bro just sat staring into the bottom of his now empty glass, trying to figure out how much Dad must have actually have drunk to get to this point on the scale of fucks he did not give. That definitely wasn't his first bottle, Christ.

"I feel as if I should share in the spirit of human male bonding, but I am unsure as to the exact terms by which I should refer to some of my interests." Dirk frowned thoughtfully, and Bro tried once again to merge with his chair, because now his almost-son was going to share his kinks and _how was this a conversation that was even happening?_ He groaned inwardly when Dirk added, "I would tell you about them, though! Perhaps you could inform me of their names."

"Go ahead." Jake replied, before Bro could say no.

"Well," Oh God he actually sounded like a kid telling the class about a fucking favourite toy, all cheerful and eager, "I know the term for one of them. Pony play, I think? With the horses and the outfits. That one is fun!"

"Really?" Jake sounded amused, and Bro resisted the temptation to bang his head on the table. "I can imagine where you picked that one up from."

"I also like... touching? Feeling. Running my hands all over everywhere so I can feel the reaction to my touch itself and to the other things that occur during copulation. I like that one a lot."

"Petting." Dad offered, and Dirk buzzed in excitement.

"Petting, yes, that is a good word for it!" The machine clapped like the fucking child he was, and Bro wearily resigned himself to whatever else he had to offer. "I also like tastes, and the thing with the cream and the fruit and the paints with flavours?"

"Food play." Bro muttered, wincing at the eager squeal it gained in response.

"That name is logical, yes! I know their names now. This pleases me." Dirk beamed, then turned his bright eyes to his father. "You are the only one who is yet to share, father! We are human bonding, you should bond with us!"

"Can I bond somewhere that isn't fucking here, because this conversation is still something I am so not a fucking part of, holy shit."

Dirk pouted at him again, and it still didn't do anything other than vaguely annoy him. Jake chuckled behind the robot, airily waving a hand as Dirk leant back to look at him.

"Well I don't know all of Strider's kinks, but I know a few. If he isn't willing to share them, I always could."

"English, don't you fucking-"

"Shoosh, father, Jake is talking." Dirk hummed, and he lapsed into muttering darkly about both of them. "Please do! Then the circle of bonding can be complete."

"Well then. I would assume the pony play is inherited, because damn if that doesn't set a fire in his loins." Jake grinned, and Bro glared daggers at him, folding his arms in as close to as outward show of frustration as he ever did. "That's just one of them, though. I mean he can do some damn nifty trickery with ropes, I know that much. Have you wrapped up and knotted like a christmas present, then tug a single cord and have the whole intricate weave go to buggery."

"Father, you could teach me to-!"

"Hell no."

Jake snickered, then impishly added, "And of course, the puppets. Oh, how I could drone on about those blasted contraptions. Once when we were drunk he attempted to force one on me, you know! I wasn't having any of that confounded malarkey. Jumped straight out of bed and had to abide him laughing at me as I suffered the cold."

"Jake," Bro replied flatly, finally motivated to contribute, "it wasn't fucking cold, and you were a total wimp about the whole thing. You shoulda at least tried it, you mighta liked it!"

"Strider, I doubt anyone sane would _like_ one of those accursed things! I defy you to find me one person who you can somehow convert."

"Well fuck you, because for your information John-"

It had left his mouth before he could stop it, but thankfully the rest of his sentence was cut short by the abrupt shrill ringing of a mobile, and Dad starting to pat his pockets until he retrieved a small, grey phone. He fumbled with it, and ended up putting it on speaker, placing it carefully on the table in front of him as he continued to play the game of poker Bro had almost forgotten was still going on between them.

"Good afternoon." Dad said pleasantly, as the others fell silent, half out of courtesy and half to listen in.

"Holy mackerel," A woman replied, sounding about as stunned as Bro ever did. "It _is_ you, you fuckin' vanishin' asshole. What sorta fuckin' time d'you call this to finally give me a damn ring back?"

"I did attempt to ring you yesterday."

"Yeah, and thanks for gettin' me outta some weird shit with my creeper uncle, but seriously, family Christmas, yo. Can't just drop it all 'cause some dick from my past decides he's finally gonna call me up again."

"My apologies." Dad glanced between the others at the table, clearly considering taking it off speaker, before he simply relented and gave a shrug she couldn't seen. "I did not realise you had begun spending Christmas with your family again. I thought you made a point of not doing so."

"Hell yeah I made a point a not doin' so _ten years ago._ It has been most of a fuckin' _decade_ since you swam on off to wherever you fuckin' went. I guess I should ask how you been, but I don't really give a fuckin' shit. If you're okay enough to call me, you're okay enough full stop. How's the lil shrimp?"

"Not so little, and fine." Dad sighed, folding his current hand and distractedly watching Jake pull over the bottle-caps. "How have you been, Meenah?"

"Rakin' in the big bucks." She replied smugly, and Bro could just _picture_ the wide grin that accompanied those words. "Just floatin' on by. This ship's been sailin' pretty for a couple a years, Eggs, I ain't got any shit to complain about." There was a pause, as Jake dealt a new hand, and then she snorted. "Okay, Eggs, that's the fuckin' niceties dealt with, yo. What the fuck d'you want?"

"Oh, I wondered if you wanted to visit, after New Year."

There was a longer silence, and then an indignant squawk. "Hold the boat! Myung-Dae _fuckin'_ Egbert! Are you seriously fuckin' tellin' me you ring me up after _a fuckin' decade_ of vanishin' off the face of the fuckin' earth and you just wanna hang out like everything is just cool with us?"

Bro blinked. Dad had a name and it wasn't _Dad_. The actual fuck?

"That was essentially my intention." The man in question responded sagely, taking out his pipe and admiring it.

"Oh." She replied blankly. "Oh, yeah, that's cool then."

"Excellent. Shall I ring you back some less festive time?"

"Yeah, I can hear my Dad moanin' from the other room 'bout how I've left him all afloat alone in a sea of feelings or whatever. Fuck this shit, I better go before he whines my ears off."

"We will talk soon, Meenah."

"We better. I ain't waitin' another decade for you to call, you dick. Later, Eggs."

"...Goodbye."

The phone gave a beep, and then dropped to a dial tone. Dad chuckled and took it, pressing a few buttons to silence it before he slid it back into one of his pockets and reached for his drink again. Bro watched him, frowning, and their gazes met, the older man raising an eyebrow.

"Something bothering you, Strider?"

"Nah, I just..." He shrugged, searching for the right words. "You're nothing like I thought you were, I guess?"

"What were you expecting, precisely? My apologies if I am not as stuck up as you had assumed."

"I didn't mean it like that. Guess I just thought you'd be more, I dunno, prudish... about... shit?"

Dad actually laughed at him, and Bro waited for him to finish, glaring into space as the older man laughed long enough he had to take out his pipe before it fell. At the end he took a deep breath, regaining his composure but not losing the bizarre-looking grin that lingered on his face.

"There is a difference between being a respectable parent and being a prude, I would expect you to know that except if we are honest you are neither. A good parent, I will reluctantly admit, perhaps, but a respectable one?" He spread his hands. "I think you would find that beyond my fatherly nature, I am not what you think I am at all."

"What, that pipe and tie hiding some sorta rebel? Yeah, okay."

Dad laughed again, and shrugged. "Perhaps I have seen more than my fair share of excitement. My gambit is rarely empty."

"Oh really."

"Really."

Bro raised an eyebrow, and let Dirk pour him another drink, sipping it and regarding Dad more curiously than anything else. "Alright then, pops. Regale me with some great tale of your fucking exploits, I'm all fucking ears."

"Let me think." Dad replied jovially, toying with his pipe. At last, he gave a chuckle, leaning back in the chair and flashing Bro another, bizarrely relaxed smile. "Very well, Strider, I think I have a tale for you."

"This better be good. I'm all excited now."

"Oh, I think it is a good one to share." He smiled across at Dirk, and Jake, then looked back to Bro with a dramatic wave of his hand. "Let me tell you gentlemen about the time I was given a restraining order from the entire cast of _Cirque du Soleil_..."

Two hours passed, and holy shit.

Bro hadn't known this fucking man _at all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shrimply fintastic.
> 
> PFFFFFT.
> 
> Yeah, okay, but hey! Bro's doing the human male bonding ritual. Wonderful. :')


	103. ==> John: Hang Out With Dave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, outside, best friends are chilling together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey cherubs! Long chapter for you full of lots of mixed feeeeelings.
> 
> Oh! I also made some [shipping sprites](http://khemi.tumblr.com/post/44085786882/nlt-shipping-sprites) for the fic! Thought I'd share them with you guys. Request any pairings you want, I'm down with that.
> 
> I'll be putting together a fan art master post too, so let me know if you have anything for me to add to it :D

"...And then he just kind of went really quiet and stared at me without blinking until I sort of... left?"

Dave snorted, pushing his scarf up to cover his cheeks, flushed pink with the cold. He gave a shrug, and voice muffled through the fabric he explained, "He was freaking out."

"He was freaking out." John repeated flatly, looking down at the shorter boy as they ambled on down the snowy path.

"Yep."

"By going silent and just looking at me?"

"That's a Bro freak-out, John. I ramble, Dirk shuts down, and Bro loses the ability to blink. That's just how we do things, Mrs Bro. Welcome to the fucking family."

"Mrs Bro?" John grinned, and Dave rolled his eyes. "Is that seriously what you're going to call me from now on?"

"I dunno, I could call you Mrs Strider and pretend I gave you that pretty little ring. We could take our bromance to the next level. Marry ironically. I'd be chill with that."

"Dave, you would totally be the wife in our relationship, don't even argue. I think you'll find _you_ would be Mrs Egbert."

"You mean you're gonna be my big strong husband, John? Oh, I'll wear my prettiest dress! Dirk can be our bridesmaid. It'll be magical!"

"Pfff, _Dave._ "

The Strider snickered, and John nudged him with his elbow, hands still firmly tucked in his pockets to keep warm. Dave nudged him back, then casually looped an arm through his, raising an eyebrow when John looked down at it.

"What?"

"Dude, do you want to hold my hand or something?"

"Maybe."

John pulled his hand out of his jeans and took hold of Dave's, gloved fingers just fitting between his own. He squeezed, gently, and Dave almost smiled, bumping him with his shoulder as their clasped hands dropped to rest between them. "Look at this, John. It would almost be romantic if you weren't engaged to some terrible douchebag."

"As it is, it's just _bromantic._ "

"...No, Egbert. Just... no." John gave a little eyebrow wiggle and Dave's deadpan wavered. The younger man laughed, squeezing his hand gently, and after resisting for a minute Dave chuckled back, leaning against him. "Yeah, I've forgotten what we were talking about, but whatever it is, I was right."

"You were telling me Bro freaked out at me. I don't get why though! I mean... well, I _had_ kind of said something stupid, but I didn't think it'd mean that much to him!"

"Everything you say is pretty stupid, but go on. Grace me with this particular idiocy and I'll tell you if it woulda been enough to mess him up."

"Oh. We were talking about me visiting you guys this year and I sorta mentioned, like, um." He shrugged. "I said someday it wouldn't be a holiday. 'Cause I'd be, y'know. Moving in."

"Whoa. _What_?"

"Well someday I want to live with Bro, Dave. We're _engaged_. Don't make me wave my ring in your face again, because I will."

"John, you have now spent so much time shaking that fucking thing in front of my eyes, I see it when they're closed. I get it, you and Bro are so deep in dokis you're going to be his fucking housewife, but seriously, moving in? _Moving in._ With Bro, and... me?"

"Well if you're still there, I guess so, yeah!" Dave slouched slightly, kicking his feet, not looking up when John nudged him. "Dave? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, John, I'm fucking fantastic. I'm thrilled by the prospect of getting to watch you making out with Bro every day of the week until I flip my shit and move out. It sounds _great_."

"Oh. I hadn't thought about-"

"-The fact other people live in that house?" Dave asked flatly, and John blushed, looking away. "Yeah, John. I know it's hard to remember sometimes, but there are more people in the world than you and my fucking brother."

"I'm sorry! I didn't actually mean right now, Dave, I was saying someday! I _want_ it to be soon, but I doubt it _will_ be. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life only getting to see him for a week or two at a time."

"I don't even know how you can stand the dick for _that_ long."

"Because I love him." John replied quietly, a little upset creeping into his words. "And I miss him all the time I'm not with him, okay?"

Silence fell between them, their hands almost dropping apart before Dave caught his and squeezed it tightly. "Sorry." The blonde said stiffly, shooting John a sideways glance behind his shades. When it didn't shift the frown now on the taller boy's face, he sighed, continuing in a softer voice. "It won't be forever. I'm sure someday you and him are gonna have a pretty little shitty apartment of your own, and you'll spend every day baking cakes for him in a frilly pink apron as he goes and works hard fucking puppets so you two can raise some tiny little bundle of ninja-pranking terror. He'll come home from work and sidestep the bucket of flour you inevitably leave above the door, and you'll dodge the throwing stars he flings your way as you skip over and peck him on the cheek. Sloppy make-outs will commence, and then you'll shove a pie in his face and he'll throw you over his shoulder and refuse to let you down until you say sorry. Domestic bliss."

"Is it bad that sounds really nice?" John asked with a sad smile, and Dave snorted.

"Nah. That's what you two are gonna fucking be like, and I'd laugh at anyone who thinks any different."

John's smile relaxed into a more honest, cheerful expression, and he stooped down to plant a kiss on Dave's red cheek, meeting his lips with a soft touch when the blonde turned his head towards him. "...Thanks, Dave." He murmured warmly, and Dave rolled his eyes, but gave a small smirk in return. "That actually helped a lot."

"Yeah, well, good. Can't have you crying manly tears all over the place. Gotta keep you chill. That's what best friends are for, yo."

"Heh. Yeah, I guess." They walked on, kicking the snow from the path when they found larger piles of it, chuckling at the explosions of white they sent flying off into the wind. John's mood rose as time passed, and he finally nudged his friend, grinning. "Come on, dude. I'd love to live with you. It would be fucking awesome!"

"It'd probably be pretty cool if it wasn't for the inevitable sloppy Bro make-outs."

"Yeah, but there would be sloppy best friend make-outs too." John pointed out, noticing Dave's ears redden a little. "It'd be so cool hanging around with you all the time, though. I mean, yeah, I miss Bro a lot, but that doesn't mean I don't miss you too, stupid."

Dave tried not to smile and failed. There was a new bounce in John's step as they moved on, and it only grew bigger when Dave squeezed his hand, their brief upset having faded. He looked ahead down the path, intending to find somewhere they could settle and actually talk, hopefully without Dave's scarf muffling absolutely everything he said.

He spotted a bench, and then quickly noticed the bundle of blanket taking up half of it, and the small silver rabbit leaning casually against the red fabric.

"Oh hey, Seb!" John pointed him out, waving and grinning as the robot waved excitedly back. "Dave we should go see him. He's like, your great-nephew, right?"

"Uh... I guess. I don't really like thinking about Dirk as my, uh, nephew. It makes shit feel weird."

"What sort of shit?" The taller boy asked curiously, tugging him forward eagerly.

"None of your business." Dave replied rapidly. "We just... I prefer to think of him as a friend, that's all."

"Whatever! It doesn't matter he's your robo-nephew, does it?"

"...Maybe it does."

John was preparing to ask another question when the blanket shifted, slipping down enough he could see Jade and Karkat curled up together under it. He paused and covered his mouth to hold in the noise he wanted to make, then pulled Dave over, looking down at the pair of them with a broad grin.

"Kawaii." Dave drawled, and John shoved him lightly, letting go of his hand so he could clasp his own together.

"Oh my God, Dave. Take a picture. This is just too cute, holy shit."

Without a word, Dave produced an actual camera that looked way too professional to just carry around all the time, and when he caught the look John was giving him he shrugged. "What? I'm into photography."

"Have you been taking pictures? I haven't seen you take a single one!"

"Yeah well people look best when they don't know you're snapping a picture. They look more natural that way, and when I take a picture I don't want some posed, false memory. I want something genuine. I want the real person, not a plastic smile." Dave raised the camera and took a few photos, the thing whirring softly each time. "Is that such a bad thing? Plus Karkat doesn't like photos, he always tenses up if he sees my camera, and Momlonde and Rose just try and make it into some weird passive aggressive visual battleground and I don't want that. I just want what I see in front of me, all the time. Just the way people really are."

"That's actually really sweet, Dave."

"Oh hey, Dave has a soul behind all the irony. Don't you be telling anyone else, Egbert, I got some weird empty coolkid image to maintain."

John took the camera as Dave offered it, looking through the pictures of his two sleeping friends, Karkat curled up on Jade's lap with his head on her shoulder and her arms looped around him. He smiled fondly, before curiosity got the better of him, and he flicked back through the other shots Dave had taken. There were a lot of them, and Dave was right, they looked great with everyone just being themselves! There was a mix of everyone, but he couldn't help but notice a lot of silver, a lot of teal, and a lot of blue. Wow, yeah. A _hell_ of a lot of blue.

"That's, um, a lot of pictures of me, Dave." Rapidly, the Strider snatched his camera back, his whole face flushed as he quickly captchalogued it. John laughed nervously, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, and Dave stiffly adjusted his scarf. "Hey, I don't mind or anything! I just... Now and then I remember how you, uh-"

"If your next word is gonna be _feel_ , shut up and focus on the sickly sweet fuckery in front of us before I have to punch you."

"Oh." John laughed again, agitatedly bouncing one leg. "Dave, you know it's cool, though. I really don't mind."

"Well I do." Dave replied frostily. "So don't try and turn this into a feelings jam I seriously don't want, _Mrs Bro._ "

"But Dave-"

"Jegus, fuck, shut up." Karkat groaned, and John jumped, looking down at where narrow red eyes were glaring up at them. "John, he doesn't want to fucking talk, leave him to wallow in his shit because he isn't going to shift if you just whine at him. Strider, stop being such a fucking pussy and talk about it before you end up drowning in your fucking emotions, you stupid cocksucking asshole."

"Nice to see you too, Karkles." Dave folded his arms, raising one eyebrow. "Did you spend the whole night out here?"

"I think so. We were looking at the stars together, it was comfortable, I didn't want to move. Her chest is like a glorious pair of fucking pillows, holy fuck, I could live in there."

"And they say romance is dead."

"Hey, shut up. I wasn't expecting to suddenly have a girlfriend who actually likes me for being me and not because she's just trying to get over someone else-" John winced. "-so I'm allowed to be fucking excited about it, okay?"

"Bro used to slap me if I told him I liked a girl 'cause of her tits."

"Because your brother has always been a model fucking parent."

"One time I decided to mess with him so I told him I like a guy 'cause he had a massive dick and he sort of just blinked at me and then gave me a fist bump. He's got some weird morals."

"Maybe he thought he could get in on that action."

"Yeah, and guess what? He fucking did."

There was an awkward silence, John's cheeks burning as Dave continued staring resolutely at the short man now trying to escape the blanket. At last Karkat managed to get out of it, and stood, shrugging.

"His dick isn't that big, actually."

"Holy shit, Karkat!" John yelped, and Karkat snorted at him. Dave's angry expression twitched a little.

"Seriously, John. You're maybe the large side of fucking average. Sure it might still grow but right now you're nothing to write home about."

_"Karkat!"_

"What? Just making sure you don't float off as Strider fills your head with hot air. I'm not saying your dick is bad, it's a nice dick, but it's not some sort of fucking monster."

" _It's a nice dick_." Dave repeated softly, starting to snicker. "Oh my God, Karkles."

"It _is_ a nice dick."

"Can we stop talking about my dick, holy shit!" John said frantically, and the two red-eyed boys shared a look. "Thank you for the compliment, I think? Now let's _never_ mention it again!"

There were a few moments of wonderful silence, and then both of them cracked up.

" _It's a nice dick_." Dave whispered, and John shoved him, ignoring them laughing loudly in favour of focusing intently on Jade as she woke up.

She swatted around in her lap, yawning and rubbing her eyes as she sat up and looked blearily over at Karkat. Seeing him brought a pleased smile to her face, and she slipped to her feet, moving up behind him and hugging him tightly. On the bench Seb quietly folded up the blanket, looking at it for a moment and then tying two corners around his neck. John half watched him start running up and down the seat with his arms out and his new cape blowing out behind him, and half watched Jade snuggle up against Karkat, who had put his hands over hers and flushed.

"Good morning." Jade murmured cheerfully into his hair, and he muttered a greeting back, glaring at Dave as the Strider snorted. "Last night was great, Karkat! You have to tell me more about the stars tonight, okay?"

"Sure, but maybe tonight we can avoid nearly freezing to death."

"Seb brought us out a blanket! We were fine, dumbass."

"Well pardon me for not being used to being outside in the cold. I'm built for warmer fucking climates than this."

"You'll get used to it, Karkat." Jade giggled, then let go of him. "I'm going to go in for breakfast, I'm starving! Are you going to come with me?"

"In a minute."

She stooped to kiss his cheek, then blushed and gave a shy smile at Dave and John, hopping past them and bounding off down the path with big, thudding thuds each time her heavy boots hit the gravel. Karkat watched her go, beaming, then seemed to realise the two younger boys were looking at him, snapping out of it and scowling.

"What? She's my girlfriend, I'm allowed to fucking fawn."

"Why don't you look at me that way, sexy?" Dave cooed, fluttering his lashes over the top of his shades. Karkat smirked.

"Take me out to dinner first, then maybe I'll consider it."

"Jade didn't take you to dinner."

"Jade isn't an asshole."

"Alright then, sexy. You, me, dinner table, whenever the fuck Mom dishes up tonight. It's a date."

"Oooh, I'll make sure I dress up special."

"You better do. You're gonna get wined and dined with only the finest shit Dadbert provides."

"Will there be candles and roses?"

"Something like that."

Karkat rolled his eyes, but gave a small smile. "Well then, you pretentious hipster shit. A candlelit hate date it is."

"Don't be late, sexy. That's my job."

Karkat rolled his eyes, turning and leaning down so Seb could hop up onto his shoulder. As he straightened, they shared a small fist bump, and the rabbit's glasses flickered, before the red was flecked with black dots that formed a simple smiley face.

"That's new." Dave observed, the glass fading back to plain red.

"Seb was doing it last night too. I think it's fucking adorable. He makes different faces, too. You should've heard the fucking noises that came out of Jade when he started doing it."

"I'm thinking deafening squeals.

"Coupled with some weird snort-giggle thing I can't even try to replicate. It was equal parts cute and pants shittingly terrifying."

"That's pretty much Harley summed up in one sentence, Karkles. Look what you're getting yourself into."

"She isn't that bad. I actually like her. Besides, apparently I have a tiny wingman now." He gestured at Seb, who responded with a pixelated B). "He's got my fucking back."

Seb nodded, folding his arms as his emoticon bobbed in place. As the pixels finally dispersed, he crossed his legs, leaning against Karkat's head.

"I think I'm going to actually go and fucking eat, holy shit, I'm starving. See you for our loathing-laced dinner date later, _babe_."

"I'm counting the seconds, sexy."

Karkat snorted, trundling off along the path with a scowl that kept twitching up into a smile. Dave watched him - or rather his ass - leave, then looked to John and nodded to the bench.

They settled beside each other, and Dave finally lowered his scarf fully, his breath pooling in front of his pale lips. He shivered and huddled in on himself, and John just chuckled, sitting in a far more casual position.

At last, Dave gave him a glance.

"I take it from how easy you're sitting that you and your husband didn't ascend the echeladder like I thought."

John blushed, grinning lopsidedly back, scratching his chin. "Uh." He laughed. "Actually, we did! It was great. Romantic."

"Well he must've been fucking gentle, then, when he was with English he used to leave him limping."

John laughed louder than he'd intended, partly because that actually kind of warmed his heart, and partly because he was starting to feel embarrassed.

"Well, he wasn't gentle, exactly? He didn't really... do much."

Dave stiffened, and John waved a hand vaguely in front of him. "I was the one doing the fuc-"

"John, _no_!" The Strider replied sharply, shoving his shoulder. "Holy shit!"

"What? I was just correcting you!"

"About the fact _you fucked my brother_ , which is something I _really_ wanted to fucking know. Let me get this over with and say wow, I didn't expect him to take from anyone, I'm kind of surprised, but _no, John_ , I don't actually want to hear about it!"

"Hey you're the one who brought it up!"

"Because I thought you _hadn't done anything!_ "

"Well we did, and he was so sweet about everything, it was just perfect."

"Good for you, John." Dave muttered, rolling his eyes. John's blush spread, and he fell silent, looking away. "I mean sure, I'm happy you had a good first. I just-"

"Wish it had been with you?" John mumbled, and Dave shrugged.

"Wish it had been anyone except my fucking brother." He corrected wearily. "But you knew that already. I'm glad that he gave enough of a fuck about you to give you a good first time, but I guess... Yesterday came as one massive shock to me. I was getting to grips with you dating Bro and loving him and whatever, but then suddenly nope, you're fucking engaged, and now you're fucking him and you want to move in and-" Dave broke off as his voice sped, covering his face. "I thought I'd got to grips with you and him, but I hadn't. I so fucking hadn't."

"Dave..."

"No, it's cool. I'm the one being stupid, I fucking know that. Other than the whole _illegal sex_ thing, you're not doing anything wrong, so I don't have a right to act like you are."

John silently watched him, tempted to pull down his hands but not really wanting to move. "I should be happy for you, right?" Dave continued, voice still muffled into his palms. "But when I think about it I feel empty and sorta sick and I can't face it, John. I don't want to. I just think about _anything_ else so I don't have it going 'round my head anymore."

"Dave," John started softly, reaching out and taking hold of his wrists. The Strider weakly resisted, before lowering his hands, the dim sunlight catching the wetness escaping the bottom of his shades. "...Are you crying?"

"No." Dave replied sharply, scrubbing at his cheeks with the back of his hand. "Striders don't cry."

"Bullshit! Dave, I'm sorry this is upsetting you so much! I don't know what to do to help because I feel like anything I do with Bro is just going to make you worse and I..." John swallowed. "I'm sorry, but he comes first now."

"Of course he does." Dave muttered. John felt a brief flash of anger, glaring at him.

"Yeah, Dave, of course he does! Just like Terezi comes before me! That's what it's like when you love someone, idiot. You put them first."

Dave didn't look around at him, but John waited, face firm. He could hear the rambling start, soft and quick and unintelligible as Dave fell completely still, rolling his eyes to himself as he waited for the inevitable moment Dave just casually moved on.

"No."

"What?" John blinked as Dave faced him, eyes still down and darting with thought.

"I get what you're saying and that's cool and shit, but it isn't always true. You're meant to balance people, there's no automatic hierarchy. Just because you love someone doesn't give them sudden rights to be above all the friends you've had for years. Back home, I'm with Rez, and I was with Tav, and yeah, okay, I'll do a lot of shit for them, but if Nep or Equius ever need me they still always sorta come first 'cause they're my oldest friends and the ones who always stuck with me. Rez gets that, and Tav did too, because at the end of the day I come back to them, but that doesn't mean they get me all the time."

"Bro doesn't get me all the time, Dave, he gets me some stupidly tiny fraction of the time, and you know that."

"You still need to remember you don't have to hold him on some pedestal. If you want to put him first, do, but don't say it like it's an automatic thing." Dave shrugged. "I know who I put first right now, and I made the choice to do that. It wasn't anything to do with love or anything, it was 'cause they needed me and I wanted to be there for them."

John didn't ask, explicitly, but the silence that remained was questioning. Dave grimaced.

"Dirk, John. I put Dirk first, because he's young and insecure and Bro is busy a lot of the fucking time, so I end up taking care of him and teaching him shit. There was a time it was you, there's been a long time I guess it's been Rez, but I still don't let that be the final fucking word in things. If my friends need me I'll still be there for them, if I feel like I should."

"Dave, I want to be there for you, but you're making it hard because the thing that's making me happy is the thing that's upsetting you the most."

"I know, and I don't know how to fix that other than me not giving a shit. I _want_ you to be happy, so I don't scream and shout about you and him. I don't try and make scenes or push you apart. I tried that once and it fucking upset you, so now I'm just gonna stomach it, I guess. That's me putting _you_ first, John. I want you to be happy, and I care more about that than whether or not I agree with the shit that _makes_ you happy."

"And the fact that you would do that for me even though it's hurting you is why you're still my _best friend_ , Dave, and that isn't going to change."

John looped his arms around him and although Dave weakly protested hugs were uncool John pulled him into one anyway, the Strider falling silent and then scooting closer, unfolding his arms and hugging back.

"Sorry I'm an emotional little girl." Dave offered, and John chuckled.

"Sorry I'm an excitable idiot." It made the blonde snicker and hold him tighter, before their grips loosened and they just sat hugging each other, John enjoying watching the pale silver clouds swirling and flowing by, high above. He hated arguing with Dave, but he loved moments like this, where they were just together, and everything was okay.

"You gonna take his name?" The shorter boy asked, dragging John's attention back down from the sky. "I don't think you have to or whatever. Just wondered."

"John Strider." He mused experimentally. "Wow, that actually sounds really cool! I mean I'd probably have to talk to Dad first, just ask him how he felt about it, because I think dropping my name is something he should really have a say in. That's a connection to him and his family, so I'd want to at least make sure he was okay with it."

"Yeah, plus we'd have to hold some sorta vote to decide if you were cool enough to bear the name Strider. It's a big responsibility, John, we've got an image to uphold. Are you sure you're enough of a man to be a Strider?"

"I don't know, do I have to turn into a pretentious asshole?"

"It's the Strider way."

Dave kept a deadpan as John laughed, squeezing him closer. He leant down to kiss the blonde's forehead, pausing and moving much slower as he dipped against to his lips. It was slow and soft, an apology and an acceptance. When it broke, Dave smirked.

"You've got my vote if you promise to never stop doing the random kissing thing."

"I'm sure I can live with that. Do you want to go back in, now?"

"Nah. I can see what Karkles meant, this is fucking comfortable." Dave settled against him, tutting. "Ain't seeing no rabbit with a blanket though. Fucking favouritism. Dirk said Seb was sending him messages about Karkat being his best friend or shit. Don't know who put that in his head."

John laughed, tugging him closer, and leant his head back to watch the wind change the shapes in the winter sky.

.:.

They could smell dinner by the time they finally went back inside, which meant it wouldn't be long before it was served. Dave headed towards his room, explaining he had a hate date to get dressed up for.

It didn't surprise John at all that he was seriously going to go through with it.

He heard loud laughter, so once he was free of his coat and wet boots, he decided to go and investigate it, finding Bro sitting with English and Dirk, the machine trying to build a card pyramid as the two men chatted amicably. There was the old, nearly forgotten sting of jealousy, and John moved over to Bro, interrupting what he was saying to kiss him and then settling on his lap.

He caught English roll his eyes, and felt a warm burst of satisfaction when Bro wrapped his arms around him, kissing his ear and resting his chin on John's shoulder.

"You're freezing." Bro observed, squeezing him closer.

"Well maybe you should warm me up."

"Maybe later I will."

John grinned, putting his hands over Bro's and relaxing back against him, watching Dirk carefully shift to kneel on the table so he could reach the pinnacle of his admittedly impressive card construction. English settled for grabbing his drink and sipping it, a hand still loosely on the machine's waist to steady him, dark green eyes now and then flicking back across the table towards John.

It took a lot to resist the temptation to either start making out with Bro or just to stick out his tongue at the Australian.

"So how was your day, baby?" He asked instead, smiling and leaning his head against Bro's. The Strider shrugged.

"I might need something to bleach my fucking brain, but I've gotta hand it to Dad, he's a lot fucking cooler than I thought he was."

"...He's what?"

"Holy shit, he's insane, John, but it's in the best possible way. _Why did he have a shotgun?_ " He added to English, who laughed.

"Why the ribbons, come to think of it?"

"Why would he even need that much flour?"

"Why _everything_?"

John opened his mouth, then thought better of it, closing it and shaking his head. He really didn't want to know. They carried on talking, but he was more intent on Dirk now, the robot standing unsteadily and then moving around the pyramid of cards to make gentle, precise adjustments.

"Hey, Dirk?" John asked when he paused to admire his work. Bright red rings swept down to him, and the robot smiled. "You think of Dave as an uncle, right?"

"I used to! I now consider him my best bro, and also sometimes as my secondary interest."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing important." Dirk responded, after a pause to consider it. "Essentially he simply felt uncomfortable viewing me as a relation and I have no real issue with that. I do not wish something as minor as a referential noun to upset him."

John nodded, and Dirk smiled, returning to focusing on the cards. For a while, John watched him, then tipped his head back, waiting for a lull in Bro and English's conversation to lean forward to his boyfriend's ear.

"You know, I like the sound of John Strider." He whispered, and Bro's arms tightened around him, his cheeks flushed when John straightened enough to see them. John smiled nervously at him when their gazes locked, and then Bro pushed forward, kissing him roughly, one hand rising to hold his cheek and the other still tugging him close.

He closed his eyes and ignored the company, focusing on Bro's lips and mouth and the stud he felt bumping his chin, losing himself in them until the blonde slowly pulled back, foreheads resting together and teeth dragging over his lip.

"Yeah." Bro murmured breathlessly, searching his eyes. "Yeah, John. I like the sound of that too."

.:.

Dirk defended his cards when they came to set the table.

When Bro casually knocked them down behind him, he leapt at his father, and it took John, Dad and Jake to pull the machine back off of him, Dirk collecting up his cards and scuttling off to rebuild his pyramid somewhere it would be 'safe'.

.:.

John was less surprised than he should have been that both Karkat and Dave turned up to the table in suits. He ended up laughing into his hands as Dave pulled out Karkat's chair and let him sit, before settling beside him and giving a smirk.

There was an origami rose on Karkat's plate, which he took with an overdramatic flutter of his eyelashes. "It's utter shit." He told Dave sweetly, twirling it between his fingers. "And where the fuck are my candles?"

"Hold your fucking horses, bro." Dave clapped twice, and Seb hopped up onto the table. He moved between them, hopping up onto his hands, perfectly balanced with his legs straight up in the air. Karkat raised an eyebrow at Dave, who waggled his eyebrows, gesturing at Seb as the bottom of his feet sparked. Small flames burst into life above them, crackling gently, and Karkat's mouth twisted, before he burst out laughing.

"Holy shit, Strider." He wheezed, and Dave grinned.

"Foot rockets. Not just for flying. Also for wooing the fuck out of those with a fine ass."

"Consider me wooed. You have mastered the art of fucking romance. All it took was a rabbit and some fire."

Dave made kissing motions at him, and Karkat snorted, putting a hand on his face to push him back. "Not on the first date, you cocksucking asslicker."

"Does that mean I get a second date, sexy?"

"Fuck you."

"So you won't kiss me, but you'll fuck me? Well I can certainly see your priorities, Karkles."

They fell into a bout of insulting each other fondly, Terezi snickering beside Dave as Jade stared at them in confusion, and John just shook, trying not to laugh.

.:.

For the second time in as many days, he ended the night curled up on Bro's chest as they panted, holding each other, calming down from the high. He felt that same sense of deep satisfaction, and planted little kisses against his boyfriend's damp skin, smiling drowsily at the affectionate murmurs that drifted down to him from above.

This was good, this feeling, these moments together. He could get used to this.

He settled down on his living pillow, and the pulse in his ears from his own heart and Bro's soothed him to sleep, the feeling of Bro's hand stroking his hair fading as his awareness of reality dimmed to nothing.

Colours drifted around him. Golden blurs he couldn't quite make out, under a smudge of blue that filled the sky. He drifted, bobbed along in a dreamy daze, finding a point the blurs collected and merged into the path he'd walked along earlier. He gently landed as his clothes - he didn't quite catch sight of them before they shifted - switched to his shirt and jeans, the biting cold not present. The snow around him was frozen in mid-air, and he ran his hands through it, sending the flakes slowly rippling and swirling away, moving as though time had been wound down and almost stopped.

He wandered through the whiteness, pausing when he found the bench he and Dave had sat on, images of them both appearing as he thought about it. Now it looked almost reversed. He was frozen in place, or rather the dream of him was, and Dave was rocking back and forwards, mumbles now audible and slow.

"-You have to do it case by case, that's how it goes, you can't just stamp one fucking number on everyone's heads and tell them to form an orderly fucking queue-"

The snowflakes still hung in the air, and John watched his eyes slide a little shut, a blink being seen in slow motion.

"-I mean think about it if I did that we wouldn't even be talking now because I would've said 'fuck you, Egbert, Dirk is more important and so is Rez'-"

He frowned, not recalling hearing Dave say any of this at all. It was a dream, though. He guessed he was just imagining what he'd say.

"-you're only at least number three, and I mean, I need to be on that list too, John, 'cause I've got problems you wouldn't even fucking believe if I told you-!"

"Like what?" John said aloud, and like that, the image was gone.

He frowned, then pushed on, past the snow smuppet he and Bro had build Christmas morning, and further still, to the hill streaked with sled trails like they had been sledding here a day ago, rather than a year. He smiled at the memories, feeling his clothes shifting again and looking down to find his pullover had now covered his shirt, hood swirling out behind him in the wind.

Beyond that slope, the sky shifted. The silver clouds became a clear, pale blue sky. The snow became sand that crunched under his feet, and the slopes rose into rocky cliffs, a grey sea smashing against rocky outcrops that he clambered up onto, winding his way over them. They were wet, covered with slick green plants, and he ended up with arms outstretched to balance, moving forward slowly as he used the bizarre trip his mind was taking him on to think over the past few days.

John Strider. He blushed as thought about it. With a smile, he remembered Dave's description of domestic bliss with Bro, and it felt so good just to think someday that would be _real_. Someday he would wake up in bed with Bro, and they'd be living together, and maybe they really would have a little bundle of ninja-pranking joy living along with them.

He certainly wouldn't be baking Bro any cakes though! Bluh!

His attention was caught by a figure off in the distance ahead of him, one hand on a large hat that was trying to escape her head and another holding down her skirt. As soon as he noticed her fighting against it, he could feel a strong wind rushing against him, although he swore it was helping him keep his balance, pushing him up and turning his hesitant steps to more relaxed strides.

She wasn't having as much luck, weaving along the rocks, starting to get closer to the crashing foam. He frowned as he watched her, starting to move quicker, an odd feeling of panic tightening in his chest.

A large gust of wind ripped her hat from her head, and she quickly reached out for it, stumbling forward. Her foot slid on the rocks, and John yelled, sprinting with the gale as she slipped forwards, giving a panicked scream.

For a moment, he felt like he was moving so fast he was a part of the wind, and then he was at her, catching her hand just as she was about to tumble from the rock. He dragged her back, holding her to his chest as she panted, her hat vanishing off into the rough waters.

"Are you okay?" He asked quickly, looking down at her messy bob of black hair. She had calmed, a little, resting slim hands against his shoulders, her long nails a pretty blue. John waited, the wind dying around them, all sound fading as though his head had been pushed underwater.

"Oh, John."

Her voice was soft, but loud in the sudden silence, his breaths the only other thing he could hear. He let go as she gently pushed him back, her shoulders trembling.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?" He asked, now more confused by his dream than he had been already. "I saved you! We're both okay."

"Yes, we are." She gave a little sad laugh, then looked up to him, his skin crawling. She had a pretty face, slender and pale, lipstick the same colour as her nails and blue lashes framing wide eyes.

Wide, empty, soulless white eyes.

"I'm afraid that's not how it happened, John."

He jolted, and abruptly his eyes were open, staring around his dark bedroom in fright. Bro was holding him, mumbling it was okay, and the scream leaving him faded into panicked sobs as he clung to his boyfriend, icy cold still clutching tight around his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::::(
> 
> Oh


	104. ==> Bro: Find Something To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He isn't getting back to sleep any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey there! I took a week off for a big overhaul at work, and to both really look over my writing style, and work on a few other projects that have been rattling around in my head distracting me. It was worth it, I think, and at some point those things I was working on will appear.
> 
> FOR NOW. I am going to open submissions on [my Tumblr](http://khemi.tumblr.com/), so if you have anything to send me, please do! I also wanted to say I've had a few people ask about writing things about this universe (okay, no, mainly about DIRK, but shush) and if you want to do that, cool! Just let me know what you've come up with, I'd love to see it. :D
> 
> Lastly, please go and look at [this gorgeous fan-art of Dirk](http://khemi.tumblr.com/post/44612411427/dirk-agreed-quickly-and-dave-came-and-crouched) by [Dareedse(ee)](http://dareedseee.tumblr.com/). Because _Dirk_. That is all.

It had taken a while to calm John down, after they both woke up. He wouldn’t exactly explain what was wrong - he sort of babbled about it, but nothing that made sense. Something about hats and rocks and eyes. Bro just soothed him, until he calmed back down, and it didn’t take long for him to drop back into a more peaceful sleep.

Unfortunately, it had been more than enough to wake Bro up beyond the point sleep was an option. He spent a while staring up at the dark ceiling, listening to John start to softly snore, but the longer he lay still, the longer he started to fidget, and the less comfortable he felt. Eventually he grumbled and sat up, swinging his legs off of the bed and standing, searching about for his clothes on the floor. Someday he’d actually take them off neatly, and leave them somewhere easy to find. _Someday._

He looked back to the younger man, still asleep on the bed, with the traces on his face that showed how long and hard he’d cried in panic. There was a soft pang in Bro’s chest, and he briefly moved back to stroke John’s hair, leaning down to kiss his forehead. Maybe when he was actually properly awake he’d be able to talk about whatever had scared him so much, because holy shit, waking up to him screaming had been _terrifying_. Bro had kept his cool - of course he had, he was a fucking Strider - but it didn’t change how his heart had seized when he’d first realised what the noise that had brought him to his sense was.

Satisfied that John seemed to be relaxed, he turned and headed for the door, silently easing it open and slipping out into the gloomy corridor.

It was quiet, and not exactly completely dark. There were the first few dim rays of dawn ahead, shining down into the large, main room, and as always the light above provided a small pool of light. He rubbed his eyes and headed for the kitchen, stomach growling. Sure, he wouldn’t get as good a breakfast as those with actual cooking skills could provide him, but he could make do. It wasn’t that hard to fry an egg. He’d only set fire to one that _one_ time.

Okay, maybe a _couple_ of times.

But he’d been getting better! He could actually cook a decent meal now, when he wanted to. He’d put the effort in and sure, it was hit and miss, but Dave didn’t bitch much about it and the kid was a picky little shit when he wanted to be. He could stomach his own cooking whatever the case, and right now, if there were eggs left in Roxy’s fridge after the sheer number of cakes that had been materialising from her kitchen recently, they were going to be cooked and eaten and wow, when he was tired he sure mentally rambled a lot.

He rubbed his eyes. God damn he needed a coffee or something right now.

The lounge area looked odd in the dim light, strange shadows and shapes that made the innocuous space seem much more threatening than it was. It wasn’t like the apartment, he knew the apartment. He could - and had - find his way around it blindfolded. Roxy’s house was too big, too different. He’d never felt as comfortable here, and the dark only made that feeling worse. The knowledge that there were places to hide he didn’t know, that here, out of his home turf, it would be easier for someone to just creep up on him and-

”Father!”

- _Oh holy shit._

He spun automatically with his sword equipped before he’d thought about it, and Dirk moved just as fast to catch it, his smile not fading. He took the sword to his palm and closed his fingers around it, pulling it out of Bro’s grip with strength too strong to fight, then skillfully flipping it into the air, catching the handle and lowering it so the tip of the blade was on the floor.

”Please endeavour not to slice me in half, father.” The machine said cheerfully. Bro gave him an exasperated glare.

”Dirk we’ve been _over_ this, you don’t sneak up on me or you get stabbed, it’s a fucking reflex!”

”My apologies. I just wanted to greet you. You are up early!” Of course the robot wasn’t phased by nearly being sliced in half, of course not. Bro sighed, reaching for his sword and unequipping it as soon as it was given back to him. “Did something disturb your rest?”

”Yeah.” He replied, and after an expectant pause he gave Dirk a look that said he wasn’t going to explain any more than that. The robot shrugged.

”Can I help you with something? It has been dull, sitting up with no company.”

”Don’t you usually go and do your creepy watching over Jake thing?”

”Yes, but he told me it is uncomfortable waking up with me staring at him. I was a little sad, I like to see him sleep, he is very peaceful.” Dirk sighed, then brightened. “But he is happy now I do not do it so much, and I have been finding things to do where I can. Karkat has been up the last few nights, and we have spoken a lot. Sometimes Dave appears to get apple juice and he sits with me for a while.”

”Don’t you just browse the net and shit?”

”That does not keep me occupied for long. Despite my appearance I am still inherently a supercomputer. I have finished browsing what areas of the internet interest me within a few hours most days, and updates only take a few seconds to process. It can hardly keep me occupied a whole night. Is it a typical custom to amuse yourself with such things when you are awake at night?”

”Uh. I guess so?”

”Oh. Well I did find some very informative videos I made notes from for future use with Jake and that did pass quite a lot of time last night, but unfortunately I have amassed as much as I wish to for now, so even that has failed to occupy me tonight.”

Bro pulled a face, and Dirk’s smile faded, the brightest part of his eyes rolling. “Pornographic material, father.”

”Oh! Why didn’t you fucking say so?”

Dirk shook his head at him. “Regardless, my initial query remains. Do you have anything I may help you with?”

”I was just gonna cook myself something, I’m sure I can do that alone.”

”I could assist you!”

”Dirk, the last time your were in the kitchen you poured a whole pot of spice into your mouth and screamed for thirty minutes until you drank from the fucking tap for an hour.”

”Jake told me it was some sort of human ritual.”

”...A tablespoon, Dirk. A _tablespoon_ of cinnamon.”

”Oh. That... I was wondering where I had gone wrong.”

Bro snorted, ruffling his white hair, and Dirk’s cheeks glowed a little red. As the older Strider turned and headed for the kitchen, the machine fell into step behind him.

”You’re not gonna take no for an answer, huh?”

”I have nothing else to do but stare at a wall and despite what Dave assured me, that really isn’t all that interesting after the first hour or so.”

Bro chuckled to himself, but made a mental note to tell Dave not to mess with Dirk too much. The kid was trusting, and he didn’t want anyone taking advantage of that. His fatherly instincts were flaring up all over the place, whether or not he wanted them to. When the machine failed to catch up, he slowed down enough Dirk could walk beside him, looking down at him and deciding that making him shorter had been a fucking great idea. He was kind of sweet, and small, and it suited him perfectly. Bro wasn’t sure how well his general nature would have fitted his original body, large and threatening as it was. Threatening was not a word that really fit in the same sentence as ‘Dirk’ anymore.

”So what are we going to be cooking, father?”

”Eggs.”

”Oh! This will be fun.”

Twenty minutes later they were sat on the floor of the kitchen, each with a plate of eggs that were never meant to be scrambled and the kitchen still a little hazy with fading smoke.

”That was not as fun as I expected.” Dirk announced, prodding his eggy sludge with a spoon.

”You did tip a bottle of wine onto the fucking things.”

”My research suggested that is a common technique used to boost the taste of certain cooked dishes!”

”Well, fucking fried eggs _isn’t one of them._ ” Bro looked down at his breakfast, narrowing his eyes at it suspiciously. “I’m pretty sure if I eat this I’ll get drunk or die or something.”

”My scanners say it is edible, and the inferno burned off most of the alcoholic content.”

”It also burned off most of the wallpaper.”

They both looked meditatively up at the ruined wall, then back to each other. Dirk gave an apologetic smile, then started to eat, sticking his tongue out after grudgingly swallowing. Bro took one look at his expression, then gently set his plate to one side, sighing.

”So I guess I’m waiting for someone who isn’t still half asleep to wake up and cook for me.” He announced, and Dirk gave a weak smile.

”It might be for the best. I apologise for ruining your breakfast. I was only trying to help.”

”Yeah, I know. No worries, kid, you’re still learning and shit. You’re bound to make mistakes. Just, uh.” He looked back up to the black patch above the cooker. “Some mistakes are gonna leave a bigger mark than others.”

”You know I could avoid them. When I am using my full capabilities I have access to the entirety of humanity’s digital knowledge, and become almost perfect at anything I attempt.”

”Why do you turn it off, then?”

”Because I do not desire to be perfect. I desire to be human, and humans make mistakes. If I do become perfect at something, I wish it to be because I _learned_ the skill and practised as any other person would have to - not because I simply downloaded another’s knowledge. That is not how people work. Dave has told me it is like I have access to the cheat codes for life itself, but I am choosing to be the better player and ignoring them whenever I can. Learning is exciting! Why would I not wish to do it?”

"Hey, I never said turning it off was a bad thing." Bro have him a slight smirk, pride rising in him. This was like watching Dave swing a sword for the first time all over again. "You learn all you want, Dirk."

"I intend to. At least improving my knowledge of cookery will give me something to occupy my nights with."

Bro watched him continue eating, for a while, running through calculations and possible code in his mind. At last, he nudged Dirk’s leg with his foot.

”...If I could make you sleep,” He offered, slowly. “Would you want to?”

”You know I accept without hesitation anything to make me feel more alive.” The machine beamed, clearly excited. “You would not offer such a thing unless you believed it possible, father. You think you can make me sleep?”

”Possibly. I mean sleeping is fine, but if you want to dream, that shit’s gonna get complicated. I’d probably need to do a lot of playing with the code but I’ll see what I can do. We’d have to sort out some sorta sleeping arrangement back home, though.”

”I could take the futon, could I not?”

”You have a boyfriend.”

”So?”

”So the entire reason I cleared out my bedroom was so Dave didn’t walk out in the middle of the night to me and Jake doing the horizontal tango and I sure as fuck don’t think he’d take well to seeing _you_ and Jake doing shit together.”

”Oh.” Dirk’s eyes flickered as he processed that, and then he frowned. “Well where would I sleep?”

”There’s a part of the crawlspace which you can stand up in, think it used to have a boiler there or something. I could see about turning that into an attic room, wouldn’t be big but it’d do.”

"Are you sure it would be sound proof? If the entire purpose of me having such a room is to avoid disturbing Dave-"

"I'd make sure it was, Dirk, don't worry. I don't exactly wanna listen to you and Jake either."

"Then I feel that would be perfect." The machine beamed, waving his fork in the air. "I will have my own room! I look forward to that, I have never had my own room before, unless you count the brief period I inhabited your closet."

Bro blinked, keeping his deadpan as he replied, "Well you're certainly out of the closet now."

"Yes! I prefer it out here. It is much more colourful and interesting."

Bro snickered as he pulled himself to his feet and went hunting in the fridge for orange juice, now conspicuously at the front with a note all in unsteady pink capitals saying how proud Roxy was he'd actually hung out with people. He swiped it off, but decided to captchalogue it, then grabbed his orangey reward and leant back against the counter, sipping it from the carton. Dirk had finished his eggs, if they could even still be called that, and started on Bro's plate, apparently deciding it shouldn't go to waste. Bro watched him eat rapidly, then snorted.

"You turned your taste receptors off?"

"It was the only way."

Dirk finished the plate off, then collected the other empty dish, going over to wash them in the sink. He hummed a happy, made-up tune as he worked. Bro was pretty sure he'd never come across anyone who enjoyed housework quite as much as the robot did.

Then again, he was pretty sure he'd never come across anyone who enjoyed _life_ as much as Dirk did.

"How are things going with Jake?" He asked, feeling it was a vaguely fatherly thing to do. He was resigning himself to this fatherhood schtick now, and to be honest he'd been getting on better with Dirk since he accepted it. Dirk looked up, eyes flaring.

"I believe they are going well, albeit slowly. He is yet to reach with me the level of sexual intimacy he had with you within days, but I do not mind. I hope it is a sign he intends our relationship to last much longer."

"My handiwork is going to waste." Bro lamented. Dirk giggled.

"Despite the fact we had not reached the same level, that does not mean intimacy has not occurred. Your efforts in making me more anatomically correct have not gone unappreciated. Admittedly it has meant I have had to begin wearing clothes as a regular occurrence, but Dave provided me with a wardrobe I am fond of."

"Dirk, you wear exactly the same hoodie all the time."

"I fail to see the issue here."

"Maybe you could, like... vary it a little?"

"I like my hoodie. It suits me, everyone says so." He turned away from the sink, toying with the cords that hung from the collar. "Besides, it is the lower half that is actually a necessity, and which I try to vary. I sometimes wish I could wear shoes, but I prefer the ability to fly, I think. I appreciate appearing human, but flying is too fun for me to willingly give it up. It is strange though; when we go out people sometimes compliment me on my boots, yet I am not wearing any."

"Yeah, Dirk, because their first thought on seeing large black and silver polished curves is clearly going to be, oh, those must be his feet!"

A little red glow rose in Dirk's cheeks, and he giggled softly. "I suppose it is a valid point. I had not really considered that." He shrugged, his smile remaining, although his gaze dropped. "You know, Jake has said he would like to take me sailing, someday."

"Oh."

"I think I would like that. He always has so many stories of his adventures... it would be nice to share some of those adventures with him."

"You'd have to be careful."

"Of what? I am a fairly indestructible construct who can fly, think faster than a man, and has an assortment of extra limbs and weaponry I can activate should I desire them. Surely it is more others that would need to be careful of me."

"You can have all the defences in the world, Dirk, but they won't count for shit if you're stabbed in the back. You've gotta be careful about who you trust, and how much you trust them. Gotta watch yourself."

"I will do, father. Besides, Jake always talks of this as a future endeavour, I doubt it shall come to pass any time soon. He seems hesitant, sometimes, about doing things with me outside of the apartment, or this house, at the moment. I am unsure of why, but I do not mind. I suppose it is just my nature."

Bro nodded slightly, as Dirk dropped the cords and straightened. "Perhaps I should see if there are any other chores to do. I highly doubt Roxy will do them herself any time soon, considering so far the only cleaning implement I have seen appears to have been coated in solid bronze."

"She said it's a... statement? Or something like that? I don't even know."

"It just seems like a waste of perfectly good electronics."

"Dirk, she probably has cleaners. Her _owning_ a hoover is a waste of good electronics."

The machine laughed, nodding and smiling, before giving a dismissive shrug. “I am still sure I can find something to do. This is a large house, and there have been no cleaners since we arrived. Perhaps Roxy will be happy if I carry out their duties while they are presumably spending time with their own families, as is apparent human custom.”

”If she even notices.”

”If she notices, yes, but I am sure she will! She is more observant than you think, father.”

Bro rolled his eyes, watching Dirk rifle through the drawers below the sink until he emerged with several cloths and brushes, which he stowed in the large front pocket of his hoodie. He hummed as he moved over to give Bro another tight hug, and then headed out, his voice fading out of hearing, leaving the older Strider alone in the gloom.

When he’d emptied the orange carton, he tossed it in the trash, then decided maybe he should head back to his- no, to _John’s_ room, just in case he woke up like before. Bro thrust his hands into the pockets of his jeans, and slowly made his way back out, the room a little brighter now, but still with the dimness of a winter morning.

He was just maneuvering around the cluster of armchairs and couches when he heard a noise behind him, and despite the immediate twitch for his sword, this time he stopped himself, and turned calmly to look at where what he had thought was a pile of cushions and blankets had shifted, and the kid with the messy black hair was glaring at him with narrowed red-brown eyes.

”You’re Strider’s douchebag of an older brother.” He stated gruffly, rubbing at one eye, and Bro raised an eyebrow. “Holy fuck, I didn’t think you even knew there was a time before midday. Well great. I’ve been meaning to talk to you. Sit the fuck down.”

”Uh-”

”I said _sit the fuck down_ , are you really that incompetent that such an easy fucking request is too complex for your shitting mind to process? Place your ass on a seat, preferably without somehow fucking it up and hurting yourself. It’s a pretty simple motion. Even your hipster dick of a baby brother could manage this shit.”

Bro blinked at him, and then partially just because he was too stunned at being talked to that way to argue, he slowly sat in the nearest armchair.

”Excellent, well done, I see we’ll be taking fucking babysteps, but okay. It’s a start. Let me lay my cards on the table here. You’re a selfish asshole and fucking cunt and I have absolutely no reason to like you, particularly. So far all you’ve done for me is fuck up what could have been a good relationship, beat up someone I would grudgingly call a friend, and turn someone I’d less reluctantly call a friend into a single-minded, emotionally destructive dick who it’s starting to get more difficult to put up with. I thank you for exactly none of those things.”

”Uh-”

He sat up, hugging the blanket around his shoulders, and glared. “No. You don’t get to talk yet. Shut the fuck up and listen, even though I know it must be hard for you to stop being the centre of the fucking world for a few minutes. Love is great, and I totally support love, and I totally support John standing his ground and being with you. That’s fine. Good for him. Things I object to - you somehow getting to dictate his fucking love life to him, even when you were adamant it didn’t involve you. You being an asshole who ignores him, but then suddenly deciding everything’s fine and you never want to leave him again. You deciding you and him are a thing and that you’re fine with that, and then letting him carry on dicking around with your brother’s fucking emotions.”

”Hey, says the guy who was having a date or whatever-”

” _Shoosh_ it is not time for you to speak, so zip the fuck out of those lips. That wasn’t me fucking with Strider’s emotions. That was both of us pissing around because we were having a passive aggressive laugh with each other. He didn’t expect me to jump into his arms at the end of it. We dressed up fancy and had a date or whatever where we fucking insulted each other and just generally took the fucking piss, okay? That’s not the same _at all_.”

Bro fell silent, frowning, and the kid - Kitkat? No. Karkat - shuffled enough he freed an arm and jabbed an accusing finger at him. “You’re in a relationship, good for you! That doesn’t mean suddenly you’ve stopped being a fucking older brother and doesn’t mean you can ignore his fucking feelings. He’s in pain because of you and you haven’t even so much as fucking spoken to him about it.”

”How do you know that? You don’t talk to him.”

”No, but _Dirk_ does, and the last few nights I’ve spoken a hell of a fucking lot to Dirk. How can the man you fucking _built_ give more of a shit about your brother than you do?”

”I give a shit about Dave.”

”But not enough of a shit to just sit down with him and say ‘hey, little brother who I am meant to fucking love and cherish, I know you are feeling like utter crap because of the fact I’m making out with the love of your fucking life in front of you, maybe we should talk about this shit and try to get our feelings out so we don’t both end up fucking hating each other.’”

”That’s not how we work.”

”Oh, I’m sorry!” Karkat exclaimed, overdramatically clapping his hands on his cheeks. “I forgot! The only way you can sort out a fucking argument is to stab each other with pointy sticks until you cut out the soft squishy bit which is making you fucking care!” He dropped his hands, glaring. “Look, John and Strider are allowed to be fucking selfish idiots right now, they’re still teenagers, they get a fucking grace period. You’re thirty four fucking years old, your grace period ended over a decade ago and apparently no one had the balls to fucking tell you. Well guess what! I’m telling you now. Grow the _fuck_ up and start giving a shit about more people than you and the kid you’ve decided to stick your dick into.”

Bro stared at him, not sure how to even _begin_ to respond to that. In the end he slightly avoided it and managed a strangled, “Hey, you’re a fucking teenager too!”

”Yeah and what difference does that fucking make? I’ve had to grow the fuck up, I didn’t get a choice. It got forced on me, so forgive me for valuing the fact my friends actually get a fucking chance to savour their immaturity. That doesn’t change my right to fucking talk about this shit. It doesn’t change the fact _you_ are not a fucking teenager and haven’t been for a long fucking time. Let me point out that apparently you are a fucking father right now, and I have _never_ met a Dad who was so fucking self-obsessed, which coming from my household is saying a fucking _lot_ , let me tell you. Hey, speaking of Dads, let’s not forget it isn’t just you fucking up with Strider, here! Do you have _any_ idea how much all of this is hurting Dadbert? Because when he gets drinking when he’s playing poker at my Dad’s, he starts talking about it, and holy _fuck_ if you could hear that man talk about it maybe you wouldn’t be so high and fucking mighty about how you treat his kid.”

”I-”

”Still not your talking time! You’re taking his son away from him way earlier than he expected, so that hurts him. You’re a fucking dick about it and seem to not care about fucking with John’s emotions, so that hurts him. You’re a fucking abusive jerk, so the idea of John being around that hurts him!”

”I’m not-!”

”You brought up your fucking brother by _attacking him with a fucking sword_ whenever you had a fucking argument _how is that not abusive?_ My Dad came at me with knives but at least he has the fucking balls to _admit_ that he screwed up! At least he’s trying to fucking change!”

Bro stared at him, and Karkat shrugged the blanket off, standing and moving over to stand in front of him with hands on his hips. “So how about now we lay _your_ cards out, shall we? Let’s see here! They say you’re a _fucking douchebag_ who thinks loving one person gives them the right to stop giving a shit about _everyone else_. Huh, how about that! They’re _spot on._ ”

”Oh my God, this is stupid.”

”Wait, I’m getting a message from the other side! It’s a fuh... fuuuh... Fuck you, you dumb cunt, are you even listening to what I’m fucking saying?”

They glared at each other, before Bro looked away, cursing inwardly that he had done. He heard Karkat sigh.

”Look, I don’t know anything about you, that’s something I accept. You’ve clearly got fucking issues and I’m not going to fucking try and guess them, but you’re trying to be possessive of John and push him away at the _same fucking time_ , and it doesn’t work like that. He’s in love with you to a stupid, destructive degree, alright? Accept it. He isn’t going to just fucking vanish-”

”You don’t know that.” Bro snapped before he could stop himself. Karkat stayed silent, for a few moments, then let out a small noise.

”Someone did that to you, didn’t they?”

”Shut up.”

”That’s why you’re being so fucking weird with him. You don’t want to get fucking attached but you don’t want him to leave you. Holy shit, that makes sense now.”

” _Shut up_.”

”I don’t know who that person was or why they fucking left, but listen to me, _John isn’t going to do that._ He is actually fucking putting you before his father and his best fucking friend, he’s more likely to fucking run out on them than he is to run out on you! So calm the hell down. Relax. Loosen your fucking grip and stop trying to insist he needs some forced freedom, you’re going to break his fucking back by pushing him both ways at once. What he needs is you to let him do what he fucking likes, and I can pretty much guarantee what he wants to do is still going to fucking well be _you_.”

”I’m not doing this on purpose.” Bro muttered, and Karkat sighed again, before nudging his shoulder, gaining a sideways glance.

”I never said you were, dipshit, but you can purposefully _stop_ doing it.”

A part of him was appalled at the fact he was taking advice from a guy half his age, a part of him was still stunned anyone would talk back to him like this, but the majority was just listening, and thinking, and reluctantly admitting the guy talked a lot of sense.

”So what do you think I should do? Just relax?”

”I think you should relax with John, yes. I think if you’re going to treat him like a fucking adult you need to do it in _every_ part of his life, and that means not trying to force him to do anything, in any way. Stop him from doing stupid shit, but don’t think you know better than him all the time. I think you should _fucking talk to Dave._ I can’t stress this enough, holy fuck, you two are fucking impossible. Don’t make it a shitting powerplay, don’t be all on guard, just _fucking talk_ and be _honest_ and let him know you still care, but that it’s time for him to move on. Make sure John fucking well knows that too. He chose _you_ , so he needs to actually stop giving Dave this spark of fucking hope that’s stopping him from moving on. Last but not fucking least, sit the fuck down with the man whose son you’re fucking... well, fucking. Talk to him, and be honest, and let him know you give a shit about what he thinks. You’d be amazed how much he needs to fucking _know that_ , right now. Did you get all of that? Do you want me to write you out a fucking list?”

”I got it.” Bro muttered uncomfortably. He didn’t usually listen when other people tried to broach topics like this, but there was something simultaneously jarring and refreshing about someone just talking shit to him, without being nervous, or backing down. He was used to people being intimidated by him. It wasn’t entirely purposeful. He happened to be tall and fairly broad, and to have a voice that sounded automatically threatening the moment it dropped below a certain volume. It wasn’t the same when people tried to _threaten_ him, that drove him fucking insane - but someone just telling him to sit down and listen? That was new. He could cope with that.

”Great. Just make sure you fucking do it. I don’t like you, I haven’t fucking lied about that, but right now I’m still trying to like John, and if you don’t get your act together he’ll never fucking deal with his shit. He fucking adores you, and looks up to you, just like Dave and Dirk and you know what? You’ve got enough people who fucking hold you up high that you need to start setting a good example.”

”I was never cut out to set a fucking example for anyone.”

”What, and you think anyone ever is? My Dad never wanted kids, he did a good enough fucking job with me. Dadbert went through a ton of shit, and he _made_ himself a good father, he wasn’t just somehow fucking born one. Rose’s fucking Mom definitely wasn’t ever meant to have fucking kids, but somehow she’s managed to bring up an alright daughter. As much as it pains me, you have somehow actually done something right with Dave, because he’s a hipster shit but he’s a good person. Dirk really fucking loves you, and I don’t think he could if there wasn’t some good in you, too. John... is more fucking complicated and I’m not so sure his love guarantees you’re alright because he also liked me and I’m pretty sure that means I have to disregard his fucking opinion. Whatever the case, you clearly have the fucking potential to be the man they all need you to be. You just need to _grow the fuck up_. I don’t know what’s holding you back; maybe you just don’t _want_ to grow up, to admit you’re not young anymore, but someday you have to. Wouldn’t you rather that day comes _before_ you fuck up with the people who need you the most?”

Bro looked at him for a while, frowning, running a hand over his rough chin. At last, he tilted his head. “How the fuck are you so full of all this shit at your age?”

”I just picked shit up as I went. Lots of friends who need a lot of advice and I was the one they all came to. You adapt, you learn, you survive.” Karkat shrugged, turning and grabbing his blanket. “If you think _I’m_ bad you should read some of the shit my brother comes out with.”

”I wouldn’t say you’re bad. You’ve got a... a talent, I guess.”

”You’re the second person to tell me that, this holiday. I’m getting to the point I may have to actually start believing it.”

Bro watched him fold the blanket over his arm, and gave him a curt nod as he slowly rose to his own feet, looking down at him. Holy fuck, he was short. “...Thanks, I guess. I probably needed that.”

”Yeah, you fucking did, and I’m just glad I was the one who got to tell it to you. Now if you excuse me, I have to go and track down one of the only members of your fucking family I actually enjoy spending time with. I promised him we’d go make snowmen.”

”...Dirk?”

”No, you idiot. Seb.”

With that, he had walked past him, and left Bro raising an eyebrow at where he’d been. The Strider shook his head, as apparently their little one-sided discussion was over, and distractedly turned to watch Karkat vanish upstairs. His gaze unfocused as he thought through his angry, impassioned words, and it was only when Dirk bustled past with arms full of empty bottles and several dust covered cloths hanging over his shoulder that Bro snapped out of it, and blinked at him, before finally starting to actually head back to John’s room.

When he arrived, John was still asleep, curled up with his hand on Bro’s pillow. The older man sighed, and smiled to himself, closing the door softly before he moved over. For a few minutes, he thought over all the things he had to say, and all the people he had to talk to, thanks to a small, angry man who had spoken way too much truth.

Then he pushed it all aside until another time, and pulled off his shirt, moving under the covers and smiling when John pulled himself close to his chest in his sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Karkat and Dirk and need to do so more often, yes I do.
> 
> More plot next, because oh no, there's a plot and things. *GASPS*


	105. ==> Dad: Have a Thing Explained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's a man on a mission he never had to accept, and Dad is next in line for a reality check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THAT WAS A LONG (for me) AND AWKWARD UNANNOUNCED HIATUS.
> 
> Hi. If you want to know where I've been and could give me advice on some confidence issues I've had (I really need it okay) there's a post [here on tumblr](http://khemi.tumblr.com/post/47362379211/hey-sweetie-i-was-just-wondering-if-you-were-ok-its) you can read please and thank.
> 
> BUT ANYWAY. Hey cherubs! I'm alive and well and back, and updates will be resuming as normal. I've rethought some of how I write NLT, so please hold on to your seats while we experience the slight turbulence of that settling in.
> 
> You are all amazing people and thank you for all the well wishes and offers of help, you are beautiful. *Wipes away lone, manly tear*. In particular popebrostrider (I noticed the namechange) let me pap u in the face u cutie u.
> 
> OKAY RAMBLES OVER. BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED VIEWING. ;u;

The worst part of drinking, Dad decided, was undoubtedly having to wake up afterwards.

He had attempted to shave - _attempted_ being the word - as he quietly muttered to his reflection that he was never going to touch a bottle of vodka again. Why he’d ever thought it was a good idea to do so in the first place eluded him, yet he was certain it involved Jake insisting he would enjoy it after his fiancée had already convinced him to celebrate their engagement with far too many different concoctions from her prized drinks cabinet. Whatever the cause, he was aware that he was suffering the worst hangover he had experienced since Meenah took him drinking for the first time after the wake.

Thoughts of her briefly distracted him. He had a lot of cleaning to do, when he arrived back at the house. He wondered if she would appreciate him finding his old photo albums, for them to look through. God knew it had been too long since he had actually dusted them off and thumbed their well-worn pages.

He should probably show them to John.

As Dad set his razor down upon the porcelain sink, he tried to recall if his son had _ever_ actually seen them, since he had collected all of the photographs up and hid them away in one of his worst moments of depression, after he had lost her. He doubted he had, because John was not the sort of boy who would go looking through his things without asking. There had been one time he had found him pulling out and looking through his old clothes, when he was perhaps eight, and the boy had asked him why he kept a pretty blue dress among his suits.

John was not used to seeing Dad cry. He had babbled frantically apologies until he was assured his father was fine, and then still clung to him until they both calmed down completely. The dress had been lovingly smoothed of the slight creases the disturbance had placed in the perfect blue, and then it had been hung back in place, in the spot it still resided in.

He did not think his son had done so much as set foot in his room after that. He doubted John remembered what it even looked like!

He doubted John remembered what she even looked like.

His knuckles turned white as he watched his own face fall in the mirror.

God, whether or not they would interest Meenah he would get those albums out the moment they arrived home. He would give them to John to look at, and answer every single question he might have about them, no matter how small or dull those questions were. He would tell John that the second time they met she had made him scale a bookcase to save a spider before the cleaners returned to dispose of it, and that after she had sat and excitedly spent four hours telling him everything he might possibly want to know about _Araneae_. He would tell him that that was how he learnt her name and how he remembered it, and that when years later he bought her that pretty blue dress with the silver web she had laughed and understood, and kissed him on the tip of his nose and told him it was wonderful.

He would tell him that she had been the most wonderful woman, and he would admit that after nearly twelve years it still hurt him to say her name aloud, because she would not be there to reply.

But he needed to tell him these things before he lost him, and it felt like all too soon the day would come. He knew, of course, that it was not as though his son would become inaccessible, but the very idea of waking up in a house in which his son no longer lived was jarring at best. He was trying his best to balance John’s wishes with his own, but it felt more and more like it was becoming an uphill struggle, as his boy was talking to him less with every passing day and seemed more and more intent on growing up far before he personally believed a boy should do. In the end, he had placed John first as he always did, and knowing full well any attempts at trying to hold him back would only push his son further away, he had decided that he had to try and be encouraging and supportive, even though he couldn’t help but feel that maybe that was only causing John to care less about anything except his fixation on the elder Strider.

Still, Dad wished John would just talk to him. He had tried on numerous occasions to raise the topic of John’s future, or his wishes, or even just to ask him how things _were_ with his life. Each time his son seemed intent on ignoring him or changing topic fairly hastily with nothing but a mumbled "not now, Dad". He had tried not to mind, but he knew John wasn’t a particularly quiet child, and the absence of his usual eagerness to share everything had been an unpleasant and noticeable change in their relationship. He could understand the desire for privacy in his personal matters that John had rapidly developed. That was a fairly average part of a teenager’s life, if his own was anything to go by. However he, at least, had spoken to his mother when she began conversations about what he wished to do with his upcoming years, and about how he and his sweetheart had been of late.

It wasn’t the first time he’d felt John pushing away from him. There had been ill-fated attempts to connect to his son that had only served to distance them. Why just before all this began they had put the most recent of such misunderstandings behind them, and he had hoped they would once more reconcile and go back to how things had been.

Of course they had not, and the wedge now holding them apart was something he knew he could not simply move aside.

For all it was beginning to feel a futile endeavour, Dad would approach him again, hoping that perhaps recent events would have left John in a more cheerful mood where he might actually talk. It was not just the boy’s relationship that he wished to discuss. After all, if John was so intent on avoiding conversation, how would he ever raise the topic of his mother?

At last, he woke himself from his introspective daze and began to actually dress, having picked out one of his typical shirts and slacks. It wasn’t he didn’t _wear_ more interesting clothes, it was just that for most days, such an outfit served to both look smart and feel comfortable. That was, after all, the main purpose of clothes as far as he was aware. He finished it with his newest daily wear, a pair of light pink diamond cufflinks given to him by Droog, which he was incredibly fond of. Then again, he was fond of the young man in general, as it had been a long time since he had a friend with which he had shared such excellent conversation, or felt comfortable enough to talk about the things that truly concerned him. Droog offered advice where he could, but he hardly had experience of children, or love for that matter. The very fact he tried was enough to cheer him though. It was nice that the man cared, really.

"...Time izzit..?" Drifted through the door in a hazy slur from the bedroom itself, and though he fully intended to catch her, by the time he had quickly moved out Roxy already had a glass to her lips, despite still being wrapped up in her satin pink covers.

"Far too early for that." Dad told her sternly, slipping back into his usual, more composed self. Her entirely mature response was to blow a raspberry at him and down the rest of the drink in one go, before refilling her glass to the brim. "Roxy, you could at least wait until you are out of bed to start drinking."

"Don’t be so misrab... mirser... _down_." She retorted, waving her free hand airily. "Just a lil’ pick-me-up. Hair of the dog or whatevs."

"You wouldn’t need a pick-me-up if you hadn’t drunk so much yesterday."

"But we were celebratin’!"

"Celebrating didn’t require you to empty enough bottles to sustain a small bar for a year."

"Ouch." Her smile didn’t waver, but there was an honest bit of hurt in her eyes, and Dad sighed as a brief flush of guilt overcame his annoyance. He moved over and sat beside her on the bed, hugging her when she shuffled nearer. "Y’know I try, though." She mumbled against his shirt, nails toying with his buttons. "I try hard, honest. It’s just real hard not to just..."

"I’m sorry, I spoke harshly. I am suffering for yesterday as well, I think." He stroked her hair back gently, then planted a soft kiss amongst it. "I know you try, dearest."

"I think it’ll be better when you’re here more, baby. Maybe I can even, like, get sober then."

"I promise you I will do everything I can to help you when you try. Even if I cannot be with you in person I am _always_ there for you should you need me, Roxy. Please remember that."

"I know, Daddy." There was still something unsettling about the way she cooed it, but he was growing more used to it simply being a name. "Mumma’s gonna take a bath, okay? You go chill and do fatherly stuff or whatev. That’s a thing, right? Pipe puffin’ and stern talkin’ and just generally bein’ one suave mofo. That’s _totes_ a thing, I just decided and that means it’s like, one hundred and fifty percent a thing now. Yeah! You go do that."

He chuckled and let her stand, smiling down at her when she paused to adjust his collar where her hug had knocked it a little askew. "Can’t be being all fathery if you don’t look like you walked outta some show from the fifties. You got your pipe an’ everythin’, it’s just too perf, okay?"

"Alright, dear. I shall attempt to go and find myself the required daily amount of fatherly actions to occupy myself with. Enjoy your bath."

"Oh, I will! Janey got me some glittery shit that explodes when you drop it in water, I’mma gonna go make the bath a warzone of bubbles and sparkles, it’s gonna totes be the bestest thing ever, oh em _gee_!"

"Did you just say-?"

"Shoosh." She replied sweetly, a finger over his lips. "Only bathtime now. Shoo." With a drunken smile, already her usual slightly off-kilter grin that suggested far too much alcohol had passed her lips despite her apparently only having had the one glass since she woke, Roxy leant up onto the balls of her feet and attempted to give him a no doubt romantic embrace that descended within the first few motions into something far more sloppy and akin to a child attempting to kiss for the first time. He could _feel_ the lipstick stains now smeared about his mouth and cheek, and knew once she was within the bathroom he could hardly clean them. He simply hoped he did not run into anyone before he could reach somewhere else where he would be able to regain his respectable appearance.

She slipped past him with a little tittering giggle that was music to his ears, despite being a sound of annoyance to most others. He smiled, and wiped the lipstick off on his wrist, to at least make him look clean for now. Everything about her was wonderful, if viewed from the correct perspective, and he would overlook her flaws. She deserved that, he decided, as so few others seemed inclined to forgive her for them.

On that subject, though he would rather it not remind him of such things, he should probably add Rose to his list of people to sit down and talk with as soon as was possible. While he was lax to think of her as a daughter figure - he was well aware he was no father to her and felt uncomfortable even thinking of taking up that mantle from others, aware or not as they might be - she was still the child of the woman he had recently asked to marry him (he quelled the surge of panic at the thought. He would hold himself together, yes, he was not going to have _another_ panic attack over his new commitments) and as such he should make an effort to get to know her, rather than simply invade her home and her life as a stranger. It was only proper, after all.

He wasn’t sure how well they would get along, however. For all in conversation she seemed quite a mature and wonderful young lady, he had to note that on his initial grand tour of the house that Roxy had insisted upon, Rose’s room had told a slightly different story, full of half-finished knitting projects and other mess that littered every surface. Behind her cultured outer appearance was a much more normal teenage girl, perhaps even one who was a little more prone to silliness than most, if what few snatches of conversation he had overheard her sharing with young Miss Maryam and David were anything to go by.

He had to admit, though, the prankster in him did agree some of those fridge magnets would make rather fetching moustaches.

Dad decided he should probably actually begin doing the fatherly nonsense he had assured Roxy he would. Making breakfast seemed a good place to start. He picked up his tie and fluidly knotted it into a crisp windsor as he walked, straightening it to lay perfectly down his chest as he strode out and towards the main stairs.

The murmur of voices was muffled and unimportant, at first, but as he emerged out onto the open upstairs landing it grew to a loud crescendo that was played out by two, rapid and angry streams of words that clashed together into an unintelligible cacophony. They dropped again, swiftly, but his interest was peaked, and his instincts led him to cautiously pad down to a point on the stairs they were more audible, with the lightness of step that had served him well over the years.

"Hey, how about this?" It was David, he knew the voice anywhere after having heard it chattering away to his son for so many long nights. "You stay the fuck outta my shit and don’t tell me how to live my life. How about that for a fucking intervention?"

"Jesus fuck, I’m _doing this to help you_ , can’t you get that shit through your thick skull?" Ah, Karkat, he should have known that from the volume the voices had managed to reach. "What am I saying? Of course you can’t! Holy shit, all of you cocksucking Striders are at bad at grasping this shit as each other."

"Hey don’t you dare fucking dis the name, bro."

"Alright I’ll go back to just shitting well dissing _you_."

"I don’t even get what the fuck you think the issue is here. I’m fine, it’s fine, take your big fucking nose and shove it somewhere else because it’s all sunshines and rainbows in the Strider-Egbert residence."

"Dave, stop."

"There’s no fucking drama going down, nope, why would you even think-"

" _Dave._ You’re starting to ramble because you’re upset, and you know what? Being upset is fine. This is upsetting. It’s not some sign of asslicking weakness to feel sad, Jesus dicks."

There were a few beats of utter silence, the sort that did not simply hang in the air but pressed heavily upon those within it, an unseen weight that smothered voices and left one alone with nothing but the sound of their own breath, loud in their ears. Dad shifted a little on the step and told himself he was not crouching to remain hidden, of course he was not! He was merely wiping some dirt from his shoe. Clearly.

One day curiosity was going to be the death of him.

"Look, Dave, I know this is hard for you." Karkat said slowly, sympathetic as ever. "But let me explain you a thing. John _made_ his choice, okay?" Dad’s head rose slightly at the mention of his son, because now this conversation was _certainly_ something he was intrigued by. He wondered what choice was being referred to, precisely. John had made quite a few, of late. "And look, I know it sucks balls, but it _wasn’t you._ "

Oh. Hm. He had the sudden feeling of bordering on a moment of realisation. That maybe some of the things he had observed and chosen to discard were a little more relevant than he thought.

"Shut up." Was David’s entirely mature response, spat abruptly and with much more venom than he thought the boy capable of. He had, however, enough of a grasp of the boy’s emotions to know it hid a shaking undertone of hurt. "This is _nothing_ to do with you."

"Dave this has _everything_ to do with me at this point, okay? Shut up and just fucking listen, if you’re capable of shutting your cavernous mouth for more than two seconds at a asslicking time." The pause was expectant, but David remained silent, and as he leant forward Dad could just make out Karkat’s face below him as it pulled into a wary frown. He apparently had David against the wall, hands on his shoulders to hold him there, comically raised a little due to their noticeable gap in height. "Like I was trying to fucking say, John _made_ his choice, dipshit. It’s time for you to make yours."

"Yeah? What fucking choice is that?"

"Oh, I don't know... maybe it's the one where you have to pick between clinging to someone who is _never_ going to shitting love you like you motherfucking _worship_ them, or letting go and focusing on the cocksucking _girl of your dreams_ who just wants you to be fucking _happy_ , you stupid cunt!"

"John loves me." David mumbled, a childish protestation that once more masked deep upset. Dad let the words sit in his mind as Karkat apparently did the same, and reviewed his memory of the past few months of John and David's relationship in his mind from this newly gained perspective.

Oh. He was starting to understand the undertones he had not quite detected, at first.

"He does love you." Karkat said heavily, an expression of honest concern on his face. "But not like that, Dave. Not like that."

"Yeah, exactly, it's not like he's stealing me from Rez or shit so just back off and-"

"No." It was weary but firm, a tone Dad recognised from arguments with his son and long nights arguing with coworkers down a phone over petty little details. "Dave, listen to me, please. He loves you as a friend, a brother even. He's never going to love you as more than that. He made his choice and holy fuck, you gave him a pretty fucking clear one. You showed him it hurt you but he still chose to go with his heart, to follow the path set by the blinkers that stupid thing has shoved around his eyes. He chose _Bro_ , and all this shit with you?" Karkat sighed, letting go of David's shoulders so he could uncomfortably fold his arms over his chest. "You've got to ask yourself what that is, seriously. Is that him trying to have his shitstain of a Crocker ready-mix cake and eat it, or is it you, refusing to admit you lost?"

He was getting used to the pauses, awkward and tense as they were. They were full of hormones and emotions and unsaid, hurtful things. Even though he was long since steeled against such bitter atmospheres himself, in his own opinion, it made him feel quite ill at ease. Still it was hardly as if he could safely abscond now. He had placed himself in such a way he was certain Karkat would notice him, were he to move. His curiousity had led him here, and now listening was all he could really do, at least until they moved enough he could escape these things he was now almost certain should not really fall upon his ears.

That is if they ever moved, and God forbid they should come upstairs and find him crouched there.

Dammit. This had been a terrible idea.

"Look. Terezi lets you get away with a lot of shit, and if she wants to, fine. That's pretty damn fucking swell of her. But you have to understand, the main reason she's doing that is she just wants you to be _happy_. God, you insensitive dick, do you have _any_ idea how much it must hurt her, when she thinks the only way to make you happy is to let you be with someone who isn't her?" The shorter boy sucked in a breath, hands visibly clenching into fists. "Hey, you know the other night when you were off fucking John-" _What?_ "-and I had to sit with your shitting girlfriend? She was being all fucking chill and blase and crap but when she thought I wasn't looking holy fuck she looked so _sad_ , Dave, she looked like she would cry, and she kept just saying she couldn't go to bed, not yet, you'd promised to meet her, you wouldn't be long."

"Hey now, I wasn't expecting to-"

"Shut your fucking mouth you stupid asshole I am _talking_ and you will _listen_. Now I am goddam polyamorous to a point, okay? I believe you can be in romantic relationships with multiple people. That's fucking fine. But you know what's not? When people who are definitely _not_ shitting polyamorous fuck around with more than one person and spew absolute ass-sniffing _shit_ about one love meaning more or less than another and acting like everything's okay because no, officer, I love her the most, I promise! That is fucking _playground_ level shit right there, Dave. That's how it works when you're in second damn grade. You're a big boy now, you cuntlicking asswipe. _Time to grow the fuck up._ "

Dad would have still been paying complete attention, but he was now distracted by the very fact that apparently a physical relationship existed in some form between David and his son. Had he really been so focused on John's relationship with the elder Strider he had somehow completely missed something like that with the younger one? He was inwardly chiding himself for it, especially given how hurt David sounded by the entire affair.

He _really_ needed to talk to John.

"Karkat holy fuck-"

"When you found out you were gay, did you have a fucking _problem_ with that?" Karkat interrupted David's angry voice, and it seemed to knock all of the wind out of him, leaving him dumbfounded and staring down at the older boy's determined expression.

"No, holy shit, what sort of question is that?" The blonde said firmly, sounding shocked. "There's nothing wrong with being fucking gay, you stupid-"

"Yeah? Well how about when you realised you liked girls? Did you have a problem _then_?"

There was an uncomfortably long moment of hesitation. Karkat groaned.

"Look, I fucking love Rez, okay?" David said swiftly, before the short, angry young man could gain back his steam. "Seriously, no matter what you fucking think, I love that woman and I want to spend my life with her and have terrifying screaming bundles of batshit crazy with her. I'm in that fucking ship for the long haul and unless we hit a fucking iceberg along the way we're getting to the other side together, or fuck I'll go down with the wreck and lie on the bottom of the ocean under some crusted up chandelier wishing I'd seen that golden fucking shore." He paused, fidgeted enough Dad could see him stir restlessly even from the odd angle he was observing the pair from. "But yeah. Sure. I spent a long time thinking I was one hundred percent yes homo, too. Like call in the pride parade let's all dress in glittery dresses and do each other's nails, bang me hard with all the dicks, let's be sassy bitches together, full on fucking stereotype gay. That was me. I was the guy who acted cool and all the girls would flutter their eyelashes at who was secretly holding my fucking boyfriend's hand behind my back. I was the guy who got outed by a fucking loud mouth bitch and had the shit beaten out of him a couple times for being a fag. I was the stereotype, Karkat. It was me. I even had the apparently straight friend who I was desperately crushing after."

"Okay, I'm not sure where you get your fucking stereotypes from, but I get the picture."

"Then one day I meet this bitch. She's weird and I don't like her and she thinks I'm a freak and we casually start utterly hating each other's guts and trying to avoid each other. Except we can't. We keep on meeting up and meeting up and then oh, hello, suddenly she isn't such a bitch anymore and I'm kinda looking forward to seeing her and then one day she drags me into a ball pit at a kid's zone in a food place and we're messing around and she kisses me and fuck, I'm feeling all the things I should only feel about guys, because I'm gay, and I'm happy I'm gay, and I had my sexuality so down it was fucking underground."

"Except you didn't, really." Karkat observed, and David scuffed his sneakers on the floor.

"Except I didn't, yeah, and suddenly a lot of the shit I was convinced of about myself started to feel like it was on shaky ground, 'cause I mean... I was so sure I knew that shit, okay? If I'd been wrong about that, imagine what else I could be wrong about."

"But you still wanted to go out with her."

"Because I'm in _love_ with her. Even if I wasn't expecting it and it confused the hell out of me, it still happened, and I still love her, and I'm still happily onboard that fucking boat. I guess I just know we've both got issues and hangups and shit, and I'm scared that the ocean we're swimming through is fucking full of icebergs, and we're gonna hit one of those fuckers any minute."

"She loves you a hell of a lot, Strider."

"But what if I lose her, bro? What the fuck do I do then?"

"You suck it up." Karkat replied sternly, before softening again, shrugging his shoulders with a glance upwards that was a little too close to where Dad was crouched for comfort. He quickly leant back so he lost sight of them and was hidden in turn, listening to Karkat continue, "But if you're that worried, the least you can do is get rid of the biggest fucking iceberg that's risking messing up your grand voyage. This shit with John? It's hurting you, it's screwing with him, and it's definitely fucking hurting her. I know it sucks and I know you don't want to do this, but if you really love Terezi, if you _really_ want that future with her, you have to let him go, Dave."

Dad finally actually noticed a mark m on his shoe, and licked his thumb to wet it before quietly start to try and rub it off. It distracted him from his thoughts and the pained silence, until his attention was recaptured by Karkat giving a quieter sigh. "Dave, do me one fucking favour, okay? _Talk to your brother._ You two have shit you need to deal with that's going to take more than swords, and holy fuck, the sooner you do it the better. This is hurting you, Dave." There was a beat. "I don't want you hurt."

"You don't give a fuck about me, asshole." David mumbled, and it almost sounded like it was meant in jest.

"Strider, I'm your _friend_." Karkat retorted, apparently not having taken it as any kind of joke. "I'm actually _worried_ about you, cocksucker. Please, take a step back and sort this shit out before it all blows up in your face and your ship fucking sinks and takes you and maybe even your friendship with John with it. For your own fucking sake, and for Rez."

"When did you become everyone's relationship doctor?" David asked sourly. Karkat gave a heavy breath at what was meant to be a rhetorical question, from the way David moved past him as soon as it was spoken. The shorter youth turned, however, and shrugged at his receding back.

"When I realised I'm the only sane one left in the goddam mansion." He explained too softly for the blonde to hear. As David vanished into the maze of corridors, Karkat turned and stooped, straightening with Sebastian perched on his shoulder. "Come on, bro. We'll go find some other shit to do."

With that he headed for the stairs. Dad gave an inward mutter of _of course_ and straightened to meet him, a little embarrassed flush heating his cheeks when the boy froze on the bottom step and stared up at him.

"And yet," Karkat said slowly, watching Dad give a lopsided grin a little too reminiscent of John for comfort while he scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. "Somehow, I am not fucking surprised."

"My apologies for this." He chose his words carefully. "I have a terrible habit of acquiring information."

"That’s a fucking polite way of saying you eavesdrop on people." The youth replied, hitting the nail squarely upon the head and almost leading him to drop his composure enough to give a nervous laugh. "Like I said, I’m not fucking surprised though. You’re not _that_ violent, so I’d always taken you as a sneaky cunning type."

"A ‘sneaky cunning type’." Dad repeated slowly. Karkat snorted. "I have no idea what you’re suggesting or what my level of violence has to do with it."

"Look, it just takes a certain type of person for Stabdad to respect them, and holy shit, he respects you so much he’s never pulled a fucking knife on you, that is some genuine asslicking going on right there. Either you’re big and with a talent for violence like Boxcars, or you’re clever and quiet and sneaky like Droog. That’s basically my Dad’s two respect zones, and you had to be in one of them."

"What about Deuce?"

"Yeah, no, I said people Stabdad _respects_."

The tension broke, a little, and he allowed himself a chuckle as regained his composure, sliding his thumbs into the pockets of his slacks and letting his hands loosely rest against his thighs. For a brief moment it elicited a small smile from Karkat, and then the young man looked away, face growing troubled with thought.

"I spoke to the other Strider too, asshole that he is." He announced placidly. Dad raised an eyebrow.

"You seem intent on going through everyone in turn."

"Holy fuck, I guess..." Karkat snorted out a restrained laugh. "If that’s what it takes then fuck it, I may as well get started, this shit’s gonna take a while."

 _If that’s what it takes._ An odd sentiment of commitment, coming from someone Dad was near certain should have long washed his hands of all of this, to be truthful. He patted gently about himself for his wallet and produced his pipe from it, flicking out his lighter and tobacco as well and setting about preparing himself something to smoke.

"If it is not too much to ask," He mused aloud, focusing more on the bowl and tobacco that on the boy before him. "Why are you so set on all of this?"

"Because I’ve let people down with shit like this, before."

"I find it difficult to believe you have encountered this situation before."

"Well no, this whole mess is fucking new, but I mean... just generally, with relationships? I’ve kept my mouth shut before and watched things fall apart when I knew it was coming and I could’ve helped if I’d just said something. I can’t let that happen again, not to my friends. Look, it’s like..." He gestured vaguely at the floor, lips pursing. "Like everyone in this mess is inside a deep fucking hole or something, but because they’re down there, they can’t see any way to get back out of it. They’re staring up like holy fuck how did we get down here and what the shit are we gonna do now other than be cocksucking pricks to each other and make this hole even deeper. What they can’t see is that right up by the edge is a fucking ladder. They just need someone on the outside to lower it down to them. But shit, that ladder isn’t quite long enough, they need to build up to it too, but maybe with that person up at the top shouting down the best advice they can, they might just manage it."

"I take it," Dad observed, slipping the now lit pipe between his lips. "I am one of those currently dwelling in this pit."

"Of course you fucking are, look at yourself. I bet you didn’t even shitting well know about John and Dave until you casually fucking listened in on two teenagers having a heart to messed up heart."

"I... did not, no. I was under the impression they were just very close friends."

"That’s what they _should_ be. As it is they’ve been trying to, I don’t know, date without dating or some other ridiculous shit, and it has to stop. It’s giving Dave false hope and it’s making John even worse, and none of that is doing anyone any good."

Dad puffed thoughtfully and adjusted his cuffs as a minor distraction, although it couldn’t stop his mind slowly ticking over. "I could talk to John, about-"

"No. That’s shit the Striders have to sort, however inept they’ll fucking be at it. It’s for Bro and Dave to talk over and no one else should interfere with it."

"What about John?"

"Ugh. If I thought he was actually mature enough to not fuck it up completely, maybe."

For the briefest moment, Dad considered interjecting that Karkat should be more forgiving to John, but rapidly thought better of it when when his gaze was captured in tired yet vivid vermillion eyes. Karkat pushed back his messy bangs, frowning.

"Look, none of you mean badly and I get that. You’re all trying hard to do what you think is right or whatever, it’s not like you’re all fucking up on purpose. You’ve all just got hangups and issues and you just need to sit the fuck down and talk it through, but none of you want to. Let’s see," He huffed, raising a hand to count off on his fingers. "The big Strider has abandonment issues that he doesn’t want to talk about at all, and no matter what he fucking says he’s scared about the age gap and what people will think of him, it doesn’t take a genius to see that. He’s letting it all fuck up his relationship even though having talked to him now I’m pretty sure he seriously loves John and he’s just letting his insecurities get in the way of that. Dave on the other hand, well holy fuck, he has a really simple fucking choice in front of him and he’s ignoring it because he thinks if he does he can have both rewards and ignore how much that shit hurts everyone. He’s in denial and he’s deep in that shit and it sucks so much dick I don’t know how he hasn’t choked on all the cocks of sadness rammed down his throat."

"I feel you may have lost that metaphor a little, Karkat."

"...Cocks of sadness." He repeated slowly. "Yeah let’s just casually pretend that isn’t a thing I just fucking said. Anyway!" He jabbed an accusing finger up at Dad. "You’re just as fucking bad! You’re so wrapped up in worrying about what John will think of you that you don’t want to pick an asslicking side. You’re balanced on the fence between being a good father and telling your son to pack this shit up, and being a _liked_ father and letting him do as he fucking pleases. You’re trying to approve of something you _don’t approve of_ , to try and keep John happy! Now look, Dad, I value his happiness too, because I actually give two shits about the cunt, but you’re his _father_. You’re _allowed_ to say no to him, and to tell him when he’s being a fucking ignorant asshole - which brings me to my last point! _John. _"__

Well that tone of voice did not bode well.

"I have _never_ been so fucking frustrated by anyone in my shitstain of a _life, _and given my best friend spends most of his fucking time swinging from suicide attempts to manic joy, that is a pretty goddam _spectacular_ feat your son has achieved just through being a gigantic ass-sniffing windbag full of so much fucking shit I am drowning in fucking refuse! Now I am all for love. Love is great! Go love! Let’s all make love not war or better yet let’s just be fucking _romantic_ and not fucking assholes to one another!" He sucked in a deep breath, hands clenched tightly into fists and starting to shake.__

"But hey, you know what?" Karkat continued angrily, volume rising. "When a dick gets so fucking obsessed with the person he loves that he starts to stop giving a shit about his friends, his best bro, his _father_? Then actually, maybe I have an issue there. Maybe I want to push that dick down a flight of fucking friendship stairs in the hope the fall will knock some fucking sense back into him! Everything I loved about John when I met him is just fucking vanishing, bit by bit, being replaced by a self-destructive piece of shit who is throwing everything away that isn’t two meters tall and a pretentious douchebag!" He flung out his arms, now actually shouting in a constant furious roar. "Love is great but holy fuck there is more to love than just the person you want to be romantically with! What about loving his friends? Loving his family? Holy shit, what about just loving _anyone_ else enough to give a shit about them? The worst bit is I think Strider just doesn’t want to fucking admit it’s happening, and holy fuck," A finger was jabbed hard into Dad’s chest this time, Karkat’s lip curled. "You’ve been too much of a coward to call him up on it!"

"Now excuse me, it was _you_ who convinced me that I should accept what John was doing!" He sounded angry and it was snapped and that was so unlike him he actually caught himself off guard. Karkat clapped both hands over his face, making a loud noise of frustration. "You told me not to treat him like what he was doing was wrong, not to patronize him, not to stop him! _You_ told me that!"

"Yes, I know! I know I did and it still stands, you don’t need to treat him like shit _about the fact he loves Bro._ Weren’t you fucking listening? What you need to tell him to stop is _everything else!_ It’s the fact that he’s treating _you_ like shit, and everyone else like shit, and just fuck, Dad, I stand by what I said and I think you have to accept that he really fucking loves him, but God fucking _dammit_ can’t you just talk to him and make him snap out of whatever stupid, asshole phase he’s going through?" The anger had shifted, now, a pleading tone creeping in, perhaps even a tad of desperation. "Look, I _tried_ , okay? I sent him to talk to Bro because he loves him and I figured if they finally fucking got together maybe I could shitting well get John back, the John I made friends with, all smiles and actually good things! Maybe the asshole he’s turning into would go the fuck away! I told _you_ to accept it because I thought you would fucking _talk_ to John, be more assertive about what you fucking believe, and remind him there’s more people in this world than just him and Bro Strider’s fucking dick! I thought you’d give him the fucking _son, I’m proud of you, but you need to be a fucking adult about this_ talk, and do it _properly._ I was wrong about both of those things! I was wrong. I fucked up again, and... and it _sucks_."

"Karkat, you miscalculated, placed a little too much faith in other men being as strong as you are. That is not fucking up, that was trying your best and being let down."

"Oh wow, don’t swear, that sounds so wrong." Karkat mumbled, before rolling his shoulder in something halfway between a shrug and a simple stretch. He massaged one eye with the ball of his hand, frowning deeper. "Look, I think... I think you need to talk to John. I know that’s fucking obvious but I’ll say it anyway. I mean, fuck, _I’d_ do it, but right now I feel like all I’d do is scream at him for how he’s acting with Dave and you and then... ugh. No. Me talking to him about this again is a terrible idea. I did my best with him, yeah, and my best wasn’t enough to snap him out of it, so now I’m calling in the big guns, and the big guns are _you_."

"I am flattered, but I still believe you would do a wonderful job if you spoke to him, Karkat. You have a talent, as I will insist on repeatedly informing you, and even as his father I doubt I could explain half as eloquently to John the issues I have with the present situation without making it seem as though I am trying once more to part him and Strider."

"It might not be eloquent, but it’ll hit a fuckton harder, trust me. I mean, what am I, in the end? I’m his douchebag ex messing with his lovelife. What the fuck, right? You’re his Dad. He gives more of a shit about what you think than what I do."

"I highly doubt that is true."

"But it _should_ be." Karkat pointed out. “John means a lot to me. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had who didn’t live a thousand fucking miles away, and at first, he was fucking perfect in every shitting way he could be. Hell we were probably fucking walking the line of being best friends, holy shit, sorry Sollux it was literally that great hanging with him.”

”At first.” Dad repeated to him, and Karkat sighed.

”Yeah. Because the last few months have fucking _sucked._ Since he got back from your fucking vacation, I was expecting us to be like, a little apart because of the whole _I broke up with him_ deal. But at first we weren’t! We were actually probably better fucking friends for it. Go life. Of course, it didn’t shitting _stay_ that way. Heaven fucking well forbid that life actually not shit on me for longer than two months! I got to watch John get more and more distant and less and less...” Karkat flailed angrily for a word, ending with a sharp downward jerk of his hands and a frustrated, “ _Himself!_ I got to watch him give less and less of a shit about anything except his love-life and wow, that fucking sucked! Then like that’s not enough he started not giving a flying fuck about upsetting people with it, or treating people right, or _anything_ and I just-”

His shoulders sagged with an unseen weight, and Dad almost put a hand on one of them to try and comfort him, but Sebastian shifted from where had had been perched, unmoving, through Karkat’s long rants, and looped his small arms around his head as best he was able, hugging him and giving little electronic buzzes clearly meant to be calming. Karkat raised his fist with a shy glance up at him and a small smile, and the rabbit bumped it with his own, settling back to his stoic, original position as the youth turned his attention once more to Dad.

”It’s getting harder and harder to stay friends with him, and until I listened to him and Dave talking yesterday I didn’t even realise that. I was putting up with his shit and I was encouraging him with Bro and then I listened to how fucking dismissive he is about Dave’s heart and I just went no. Fuck this. I’m so close to being done, and fuck, I don’t _want_ to be done with John! He’s like my best friend, I can’t lose him.”

The admission was raw and after it had been spoken Karkat seemed to fold in on himself, arms crossed protectively over his chest, head bowed and body slouched in something akin to defeat. This time Sebastian chose to actually hop down from his shoulder and hug his leg, and Karkat gave him a weak smile. Dad chose to leave him be. He felt almost as if speaking would interrupt something private, despite the fact the conversation was between the pair of them. His pipe distracted him enough it did not feel time had dragged out too long by the time Karkat found his voice again.

”I know you know what my Dad does for a living.” Karkat said quietly, eyes still fixed on the floor.

”Last time I was informed by Droog, he was an accountant.”

”Yeah, and you’re a _baker_ , sure.” Karkat muttered, gaze flicking up to him. Dad chose to respond with a simple raise of his eyebrow, but Karkat’s point was made. “You know his fucking... _accounting_ gets him in trouble a lot, and we have to move, right? I’ve heard him complaining about it to you.”

”Your circumstances are unfortunate and yes, Slick has informed me of them.”

”Well I don’t know if he’s fucking told you but this is the longest we’ve ever stayed in one place. I’m used to one month, maybe two at most, before we’re off to wherever the hell we’ve been sent to this time. A year? This is a _lifetime_ for me. I have friends I haven’t had to say goodbye to just after meeting! I have a home that I’ve actually unpacked my suitcase into! Those aren’t things I normally get, okay? And... and John and Jade are the best things about it. The idea when I move I’m going to wake up without them next door is shit, and I hate it. I’ll miss them every fucking day.”

"As I am sure, were you to go, they would miss you, though with modern advances I hardly think you would lose touch with them."

"It wouldn't be the same, anymore. I mean... holy shit, Jade is my girlfriend now!"

He sounded as stunned by the revelation as he had the first time Dad had passed him feverishly remarking about the fact she had kissed him, and the older man chuckled, tapping the bowl of his pipe to settle the tobacco within it. "Congratulations, regarding that. I hope you are both happy with how things have transpired, given you seemed so surprised by all of it."

"I was caught off guard. I'd been so fixated on sorting out the tangled mess of denial and confusion that is John's love-life I'd totally missed Jade, and how she felt! That's utter shit, romance is my _thing_ , I never get that shit so wrong! But this time I did." He shrugged, grimacing. "I mean I'm not that crushed by that, she still made a move, I still have a great girlfriend now! It just made me realise how much I've put into trying and failing to help John. If I do one fucking thing before I leave, I'm going to shitting well _help him fix his shit_ , because I've already thrown too much at it to give up now."

"You need to think about yourself sometimes too, you know." Dad frowned. "This is a noble endeavour and I cannot thank you enough for thinking so much of my son, but I worry that you are perhaps putting others too much before your own wellbeing."

"Why the fuck not?" Karkat replied flatly. " I gave up on the pile of shit that comprises _my_ life a _long_ fucking time ago."

Something about all of this was not quite sitting right with Dad, who paused and mulled over what it was. He was used to Karkat's temperament, and his negativity, so it was none of that. It felt like something had been spoken that was a little distorted from what it should be, and that sense of wrongness had stayed with him.

All of a sudden, it occurred to him.

"Why are you saying _when_ you leave, Karkat? Your father seems intent that he will not be moving at all again, if he can help it."

"Well first things first the fuckup _always_ says that, even though I think he might seriously mean it this time... and secondly, uh. I probably am moving, some point this coming year. Just..." The young man rocked back on his heels, then straightened and put his hands on his hips. "Not with him."

"Oh?"

"When you guys were away on holiday and the breaking up thing happened, I got really fucking upset about it. No shit, losing my boyfriend made me sad! What the fuck, right? But Stabdad kind of fucking blanked about it. He doesn't deal well with me being upset because he's like oh fuck! Emotions! Should I stab them out of you or what? So he drank enough alcoholic piss he could actually bring himself to talk to me, and then I said you were in Houston and the topic veered off into him feeling my fucking pain, which is something he's never said before." Karkat idly scratched beneath his chin as he got more into the pace of his story, and sighed. "My Mom lives near Houston. I didn't know that until that exact fucking moment, because she wasn't exactly mentioned much in the Slick-Vantas household. I'd got letters from her and sent them back a couple of times, but he always dealt with getting them there so I never knew where they were going."

"So on this occassion, did he finally give you her address?" Dad asked, looking back through his memories and realising that no, he could not recall Slick ever mentioning anyone other than Karkat and his current, estranged wife.

"He did better than that. He gave me her phone number. I rang her a few days later when shit was sorted with John and I was feeling better, and holy fuck, my Mom is a decent human being and she was so fucking happy to talk to me, she kind of freaked out in the most fucking adorable way." He blushed, just a little, a smile fighting to form on his lips. "I've been talking to her a lot since, and she gave me my brother's handle, so we've been talking a lot online. Uh, well, no, I'll be fucking honest. He's been talking like his life depends on that shit and I've been struggling to stop him, but I guess that counts as bonding in his social justice world? I don't know. He's not a total dick, though, just mostly one, so there's that."

"Is he about your age?"

"We're a few minutes apart or some shit, we're twins. Hell, I get the impression Dad fucked up that relationship too quickly for there to have been any more than one pregnancy involved. Kankri is the older one, I think? Mom knows and she's told me but I keep forgetting. He sounds like a whiny little bitch anyway so I end up _feeling_ more mature."

"What a lovely way to refer to your brother, Karkat." Dad remarked pleasantly, though he raised an eyebrow and suppressed a small smile. Karkat puffed up his cheeks and snorted.

"He deserves it! One time we were talking about sexualities and I said I don't seperate being bi and being poly and I got this motherfucking essay on respecting that subset's right to a seperate label and how I was fucking triggering people when no one has ever had a fucking problem before and I just- ugh." Karkat pinched the bridge of his nose. "When we're talking I have to start each message with fucking hashtags about anything that might set him off or he starts lecturing me on that, too! I guess I like him, but he's a nightmare, and he never talks to me on the phone so I just get walls of text. I imagine he sounds like me with a Texan accent? Holy fuck, that's terrifying. All of those essays screamed by the vocal lovechild of my voice and a Strider's. Motherfuck, no."

Dad allowed himself to imagine that, and refrained from pointing out the slight hypocrisy surrounding Karkat complaining about someone else talking at great length. He chuckled, before drawing the conversation back to the actual current point. "So you are moving to be with them?"

"Probably. Droog suggested I should. One more upheaval and then no more 'business trips', right? Mom really wants me to, and I'd miss Dad but he's said he'd visit. I guess I'd like to spend a few years with them, given how long I haven't known them."

"Droog tends to be sensible in his suggestions." Dad replied fondly, then left his expression fall, a little. "It would be a shame to see you go, but you must do what is best for you, and I wish you well whatever that may be."

"Thanks, Dad. I think moving _is_ best for me, this time. My Mom has a friend who works for some big science company called Skaianet, and they're offering this course with one of the universities near her, like a degree and an apprentieship in a lab, from what I know about it? They do medical ones and one of the courses is for geneticists, which is so ridiculously fucking perfect for me I'd be stupid not to do it. It's like that course was fucking made for me, it's that shitting well spot on." Karkat paused, looking distinctly uncomfortable as he slowly added, "They're looking for more straight forward stuff, too, like straightforward nurses and doctors in a couple of fields. I was going to tell John about it because I know it's what he wants to do and he'd leap at it, but I didn't know what you'd think."

So John wanted to be a doctor? He felt both a little surge of pride and a slight sadness it was not John who had told him so. Dad took out his pipe and used it to gesture vaguely down at the pair before him, tilting his head.

"Karkat, I would always gladly support any course of education that was best for John. If this will serve him well in life why would I ever disapprove of it?"

"Because it would involve John moving to Houston."

His brain caught up.

_Oh._

"Yeah, there's the expression I was expecting." Karkat observed, as Dad's lips pursed into a thin, pale line. "Look, it wouldn't be for a few years, but I still didn't want to tell him because we both know he'd get fucking obsessed with the idea of moving and probably rush into that, too. I'll leave it up to you to decide when or if you mention it, because you deserve a fucking say in his life no matter what he apparently fucking thinks."

"Thank you, Karkat. That means more to me than I would have expected it to."

"Well then, do me a fucking favour in return." Karkat paused until Dad nodded, before pointing at him and continuing firmly, "You need to talk to John and Strider, and you need to be fucking _honest_ with them about how you feel about all of this. About everything."

"I have already spoken to Strider in that manner."

"Really." Karkat said with obvious disbelief. "Well did you tell him about how scared you are of losing John? Did you tell him how you feel like you know absolutely fucking nothing about him, even though your son is with him? Did you tell him you have issues with realtionships _anyway_ , and you're scared enough as it about your relationship with Rose's Mom, let alone about John fucking up after running headfirst into such a big commitment when he's so deep in love at his age?"

"I... No, I had not..." He felt, quite honestly, at a total loss. "How do you even know all of-?"

"I _acquire information_ too, by just watching how you fucking look at people, and listening to you shitheads talk when you're playing poker. Now I know you like to keep your hand pretty close to your fucking chest but there's a point you've either got to fold or call, you can't just check forever." He tapped on air, then held his arms out wide. "This is me calling the fucking game, okay? And all of you fuckers are laying down your cards faceup to each other, whether or not you want to."

"Do you really think that would help? Showing our cards leaves us with nothing left to protect ourselves, no bluff with which to soften the blow."

"Every bluff has to end sometime, because the game will fucking end, or you'll fucking win, or you'll be fucking called out on it." Dad gave a slight acknowledgment, watching the youth fold his arms in a manner much like a disapproving parent. "You are being called, Mister Egbert. Please drop the fucking calm act and try being a little more honest with others, and yourself. I know you're used to hiding shit, I get that, I know you're practically programmed to put on this mask like everything is under control, but it's _not_ , right now, and you have to fucking grab the reins before they slide out of your reach forever."

He frowned, perplexed by the image in his mind. "So I am playing poker whilst riding a horse?"

"Yeah, I just can't fucking metaphor right now, Dave is rubbing off on me." Karkat sighed. "Let's stick with the poker game. You're all sitting there and you're afraid to be the first to put down your hand, in case it makes other people realise you were bluffing, and they've won. To be honest, I think you're all fucking holding jack shit, and when you see that you'll all calm the fuck down - but someone has to start the process, someone has to lay their cards first, and I think it has to be you, and I think it has to be to Bro."

"Dare I ask why?"

"I've spoken to Strider and I still don't like him but he's not as much of an utter worthless meatsack as I thought, and I'm pretty sure if you show him your hand he'll open up and show you his. You're pretty fucking resigned to losing John to him, from what I can see, you know you're fighting a losing battle trying to stop them." Dad didn't nod, but the way he glanced away was enough. Karkat smacked a fist against his upturned palm. "So don't fight. Make allies. Get to know the man your son is in love with and work together to do what's best for John, not against each other. You both love that kid, there's something to bond over. If you both want what's best, why wouldn't you be able to get along, even if it's just about that one fucking thing?"

"As ever for all I may not initially have agreed with them, you make frustratingly good points, Karkat." He finally rekindled his tobacco, puffing on it once it was lit. "I... will talk to Strider. I was already planning on sitting down with my son, but I conceded perhaps if I have prior discussed this with his partner I may be better equipped for that conversation. Thank you for your help, whether or not it has been successful. The very fact you are willing to try is enough to be proud of, especially when there was no reason for you to do so much other than your own kindness, or sheer bloody mindedness.."

"More of the second, and you're fucking welcome. I'm just trying to finish what I started, that's all." He shrugged. "I, uh, I should go back upstairs. I'd only just made it to my fucking room when I saw Dave and argued my way back down here with him. I'll see you at breakfast. Good talk."

"Quite." Was all he could think to respond, smiling as the young man moved past him, Sebastian sauntering casually in his wake.

He was no longer sure he had any real grip on his life. His best friend was a career criminal, his son was engaged to a man his age, _he_ was engaged to a woman he had pulled probably illegal strings to dismiss a civil action for, and he had just been well and truly shown up by a short angry youth with a small metal rabbit on his shoulder. This was not _quite_ how he had imagined his future, a year and a half ago.

Breakfast beckoned. For the moment, he fixed his mind entirely on that goal, far easier to grasp than anything else buzzing about his cluttered mind.

The kitchen settled him. Cooking was a habit he had restarted as a comfort, after the loss of his wife. He had fond memories of balancing on a stool with his mother beside him, helping her create beautiful cakes and meals. He had to admit, he had never been as fond of actually _eating_ cake, but others enjoyed it, and that was what mattered. There would be no baking for now, though. He rolled up his sleeves, dug about for eggs and bacon and all the other aspects of a full breakfast, and then began to cook, humming to himself as he kept careful watch over each seperate pan and bowl and tray.

As soon as people started arriving, he had filled plates to take out to them, and received an assortment of thanks in return. Karkat was first there with Jade, then Dirk and Jake and the two young girls appeared, and when Roxy finally staggered in it was with drink-reddened cheeks and nothing but a half-open bathrobe on. He quickly helped her fix it to avoid Rose's visible embarassment getting any worse, and then just before he went to return to his safe haven he caught the elder Strider about to sit, John and Dave's cheerful voices heralding that the table would soon be full.

He went on instinct, and hooked an arm under the Texan's, ignoring his startled yelp and pulling him into the kitchen. He pointed to his plate on the counter before taking out the last two dishes, and when John sat and looked in confusion at the empty seat beside him Dad left the others to explain, and returned to the kitchen, where the blonde was now eating warily.

"We gotta talk." He said, after swallowing a large mouthful. Dad nodded, returning to the coffee that would serve as his own meal, considering he did not really feel hungry for the same sorts of things he had served. Some toast, maybe, but certainly nothing more.

"I am aware we have to talk, Strider." A sip to calm his thoughts. "Karkat?"

For a moment, Strider just stared at him, then snorted and rolled his eyes. "Karkat. Holy fuck that kid is like a tiny bundle of rage and relationship advice."

"He makes good points."

"I guess he does." The bacon was attacked with slightly more vengeance, so Dad chose to leave him to speak first. "Okay. Why did you share all that stuff about your wife?"

"What?" He replied blankly, the question unexpected. Strider repeated it, and he shrugged. "I wanted you to know it. She was John's mother, and... I thought perhaps it would help you understand why I am the way I am, about him. After all, I am your... _fiancé's_ father." Dad shrugged. "I will admit how much I had drunk did not aid my decision making nor the length of my rambling, but I still feel glad I shared it with you. The least we can do is get to know each other, is it not?"

Strider thought that through as he ate, and Dad was patient, finishing his coffee and setting the empty mug to one side. He watched the man eat with all the grace of a starving pig, until the plate was 'clean' only in the sense there were no morsels left apparently large enough for him to shovel into his mouth and he wiped his lips on the back of his arm, turning to look at Dad with a stoic expression.

"There ain't much to get to know." He declared dismissively, and Dad shrugged again, rubbing his chin.

"Not much is still _something_ , Mister Strider."

Again, silence fell, but now Strider was thinking more urgently, his stoic expression wavering. He pulled out a cigarette that Roxy must have given him, as it was the brand she illogically kept a few boxes of in her drawer for 'shit and giggles', and lit it, starting to drag on the thing with an actual frown.

"Okay. Look, I mean, there's a couple of things you should hear, I guess? If we're doing this weird ass show and tell shit."

The words themselves sounded like his typical nonsense, but the tone was new. It was reminiscent and fond and regretful, and Dad knew it was near the same one he used when he began talking about his wife. He nodded in encouragement, as he had rarely heard the Texan so emotive, and it drew out a long, wistful sigh.

"When I was at college," He began finally, "There was this guy named Cal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who wants to know about Caliborn and have a big Strider fucked up family bonding session? Well you're getting it anyway! :D Yes.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Pssst. Dad doesn't like cake is a Headcanon I've always had. He likes baking, not eating it, though he will if he has to.~~


	106. ==> Bro: Show and Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time since he spoke about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO HEY. Caliborn is brought to you with the help of my gorgeous Moirail Gobetti, so totally check out her shit too okay <3 she's done a fuckload to help keep me motivated and to inspire me so yeah she gets to co-author this shit, yes she does.
> 
> BRO AND CAL. Flashback time!

_"Dirky-boy!_ This is your friendly thirty minute warnin' that I am gettin' laid tonight, and you better shift yo ass or put up with the sweet fuckin' music."

"Really? Tonight? You know I'm busy, Roxy." He rolled his shoulder slightly to adjust the phone where he had it pressed to his ear. His hands were busy carefully deconstructing the ornate pocket watch he had been fortunate enough to find in a small shop of oddities a few night before, and as he heard her faint voice slurring to someone, muffled enough she was clearly covering the reciever with a hand, he placed the latest gear he had freed delicately on the paper laid over the table, pausing long enough to scribble a small note about precisely where it had been and what function it served. "I had plans."

"Plans with a piece a metal." She observed, "Whereas I actually have a hot piece of ass that is _way_ more urgent, mmkay? It won't be for long, Dirk!"

"Which is what you say when it's going to be the entire night. Wonderful." He sighed heavily, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I suppose I'll finish what I'm doing and find somewhere to go. Jane will be free, won't she? Maybe I can convince her to cook for me again."

"I don't think she gonna buy our oven's broke after you boasted 'bout fixin' it, so good luck wi' that, baby." There was a deeper voice, and she gave a confirmation that the house would be free. "I'll see you tomoz, yeah?"

" _Tomoz._ " Dirk repeated scathingly, and she just snorted down the phone. "I'll finish what I was doing, at least, so you may see me when you get back."

"Well whatev Distri! I'mma gonna go now my lay's gettin' pretty pissed at me. He's a grouchy fucker! You'd probs get on well."

"I'm not grou-" The dialtone cut him off, and he rolled his eyes, delicately plucking the receiver from its resting place and setting it back on its holder. Fine, there were his plans in complete disarray yet _again_. When they'd agreed she would start sleeping with other people, he'd assumed she would at least leave him _some_ time for himself, but the more nights he spent sitting with Jane watching movies and discussing how they really needed to stop Roxy going out so much, the more he realised neither that nor his planned 'me time' was _ever_ going to happen.

He sighed, shifting some of his other papers - faded lined pages torn from a school notebook, covered with handwritten lines of code for one of his other projects - to give himself more room to write, and then returned to the watch, adjusting the large magnifying glass sitting between its exposed guts and his face. The next few gears were carefully removed with the steadiness he always expected of his hands, and as he wrote his detailed little notes beside them and began drawing connecting lines across the paper to show the flow of motion, he was already thinking ahead to how best to apply this same logic to the various projects he was aiming to use clockwork within. Here, he saw how a wing might be made to flap. There, he saw how legs might be made to walk. All of it was beautiful, and wonderful, and logical.

He failed to see how she could consider this any less engaging than a human being. To be honest, he had always preferred his work to loud, living company, unless it was her.

There was a regrettably short space of time before he heard Roxy's loud voice echoing angrily up the stairs towards the apartment, and he cocked his head to try and listen as he sighed and began to pack up his work. He caught odd snatched, distorted by the reverberating repetitions of the sounds, but it was enough to gather that some huge fcuk- fuh- dumb asshole had insulted her. There was not a hint of apology in the voice arguing back, and he could hear an accent to it, though again he couldn't quite clearly discern it.

The door was unlocked after several failed attempts, and then banged open.

"I fail to see, what the issue is. I did not say anything, that bad."

The accent was quickly placed as British, more specifically from the south-east of England, were he to admit he had spent far longer than was socially acceptable identifying all of the accents of his favourite film and television stars until he could place most typical accepts pretty accurately by rough region, at least within most English speaking countries. He was not going to admit this, so British it remained. He leant back in his chair and craned his neck to see if he could catch sight of them, hearing Roxy slam the door shut again.

"Oh my God! I'm so _done_ with this arga- agur-" She paused to collect herself, best as she drunkenly could. "With shoutin' at you! Can you just, like, get that I was pissed wi' you and say sorry already?"

"I'm not going to apologise, for not doing anything!"

"You said if I was a whore I'd be an expensive one!"

"It was a compliment!"

" _Oh my God!_ " She repeated, disbelieving. "Look, just sit your fat stupid ass down and I'mma gonna go cool down or somethin' and then I'll see how I fuckin' feel, okay? No! No, sit _there_ , not the comfy chair. The comfy chair is _mine_ , asshole."

"Because, never having seen it before, I would of course, know that." He retorted angrily. She let out a frustrated sound, then stalked down the corridor, pausing in the doorway of Dirk's room as she saw him trying not to smirk at her.

"He sounds like a keeper." He teased, and she flipped both her middle fingers up at him, then folded her arms in a strop. "Seriously, what the fuck? He doesn't sound like _anyone's_ kinda guy, Rox, let alone yours."

"Go get a drink from the kitchen, you smug lil' shit." She replied, gesturing over her shoulder with her thumb. He raised an eyebrow at her, before sliding to his feet and obeying, passing her and moving out into their open plan lounge.

The man sat glaring at the floor and fidgeting with his hands was a giant, even by his standards, hunched over in an almost childish way. His skin was a rich colour that spoke of some sort of Arabic roots, and the structure of his skull supported that, as Dirk's calculating gaze quickly swept over it. Shaven head, heavy brow, eyes a surprisingly vivid burgundy. His curled lip revealed a mostly perfect row of teeth, broken by a flash of gold, and he had the sort of face that certainly sat to the bone, with pronounced cheekbones and a defined chin.

His face was remarkably symmetrical and as such had what was quite obviously an overall handsomeness, oddly increased by his exotic eye colour (not that Dirk was one to really call it exotic) and the piercings through his lips and eyebrow and one side of his nose, both ears hung with an assortment of cuffs and studs and small glittering chains. They suited his face, Dirk decided after a millisecond to think, even though on most others they would be overbearing.

Below the neck, he clearly worked out, his body bulked with muscle over already naturally broad shoulders. The wife-beater he wore was plain black and clung to him, a few chains hung around his thick neck atop it, and it led to tight trousers, and one shoe, his other leg ending in a clearly false, elegantly carved golden limb. Dirk's gaze moved back up him, and then there was a prickle down the back of his neck when he was met with eyes that were fixed on him.

"What, the fuck," The man snapped, brows pulled low in annoyance, "Do you want?"

Dirk promptly forgot what he wanted, and without a word he swung around on his foot, moving back to Roxy.

"So he is certainly within the upper bounds of male attractiveness." He observed, and she rolled her eyes at him.

"Only you, Strider, would have a fancy-schmancy way of sayin' _oh no he's hot._ "

Dirk didn't grace her with a reply, still mulling over every little detail he had noticed before. The man's canines were more pronounced than most, and he was certain it was one of them that had been golden. There was a faded tattoo of a tilde-crossed U upon his upper bicep, no doubt applied long before it legally should have been. One of the chains around his neck held a pendant that appeared to be a small Caduceus, though he couldn't be certain at the distance he had been. It could just as easily be the Rod of Asclepius. He wondered if being bothered by which it was was a normal concern to have, upon seeing a person for the first time.

He decided, for him, it was.

The prickle on the back of his neck hadn't gone away, and now it was joined by an odd twisting in the pit of his stomach. It was not a feeling he'd really experienced before, and he rested a hand over the apparent epicenter of it, finding it far lower down his abdomen that he'd expected.

"You okay, Dirk?" Roxy slurred with some concern, and he blinked and looked up to her, frowning.

"I'm fine. Just... strange feelings. I probably forgot to eat again."

"Well go grab somethin' an' keep Mister Sunshine out there company while you do." She looked down at her low top and short skirt thoughtfully, no doubt already considering what to replace them with. "I'm gonna get changed and try and calm down because holy _shit_ I wanna punch him in the face but I'd still totally tap that if it just shut up for five minutes."

"I am yet to discover why you will stand such vile characters due to appearance and sex appeal."

"Well someday you’ll get over your weird _ew, sex, no_ thing, and then you’ll find out."

"I told you, I just don’t feel comfortable-" He began uneasily, and she quickly shushed him, stepping forward and wrapping him up in a hug. He put his arms back around her, resting his chin on her head.

"S’okay, baby, I know. Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, okay? Go on, go eat. Can’t have you gettin’ ill on me again."

This time when he headed for the kitchen, he fixed on it intently, not allowing their guest to distract him even though he could _feel_ the man watching him. He poured himself an orange juice and retrieved a cold slice of pizza from the fridge, ignoring the look of distaste that greeted him when he settled into the seat opposite Mister Sunshine.

"That, is disgusting." He muttered, with that strange halting mannerism that Dirk was more acutely aware of, now.

"A man’s gotta eat." Dirk replied calmly, setting his glass by his feet before he started to nibble at the slice, rapidly realising how hungry he actually was. As he ate, he was watched intently, and it unsettled him enough he let his eyes start flicking back and forth between his food and his observer. The man sneered, gaze moving over his hair and face and clothes, then finally snorted and folded his arms.

"Do you have a name, asshole, or are you just, ‘that pretentious dick’?"

"Dirk Strider." He offered, as he finished off the slice and sucked his fingers clean. The man gave a quick, bark of a laugh. "What?"

"That, is a ridiculous name."

"Well aren’t _you_ a charmer." Dirk said sweetly, resting his chin on his hand. "So what are you called, cheerful?"

"Caliborn." He clearly paused and thought about something, as Dirk tried to fathom where that name might possibly originate from. "Caliborn English."

"And you’re seriously going to call _my_ name ridiculous, Cal?"

"I did not, say _Cal._ My name, is _Caliborn_. Can you seriously not even manage, to say, two extra syllables?"

"Can you not even manage to say, one sentence, without pauses?" Dirk replied, and Caliborn narrowed his eyes slightly. "An English guy named English. Did you move to make it fit, or did you have really unimaginative ancestors?"

"Fuck you." It was ended with a middle finger, and Dirk smirked at the ever so mature response. "Why, does you hair, look like a bleached bird, has crashed onto your head?" Caliborn snapped, gesturing up at it. Dirk frowned, raised a hand protectively to his fringe. It wasn’t _bleached_. "It looks, weird. Maybe even a bit douchey. Is that the look, you were going for? Douchey?"

"This shit is natural, asshole. And no, the look I was going for was ‘at least I _have_ hair to style’."

"Oh. A bald joke. How, original."

"What look were you going for? Mindless thug? Well done, man, A plus, spot on." He slow clapped. Caliborn raised a hand himself to agitatedly rub his head. "At least my hair is cool."

"Your hair is not, cool. Nothing about you, is cool." Caliborn squinted at him, then pulled a face. "Is that a _sweater vest_? Who even, wears those things, other than old men?"

"I don’t know, people who give a fuck about how they look and don’t want to look like they just walked out of a fucking gay bar. I hate to tell you this, but wearing clothes that are too small for you doesn’t do you any favours."

"The hot bitches, like it."

"Well I’m not a hot bitch." Dirk pointed out. Caliborn actually hesitated, mouth open, then apparently actually thought better of what he was going to say. "And I’d rather you didn’t compare Roxy to a prostitute, either."

"Oh. Is _that_ , her name?"

"Holy shit, you were at the point of sleeping with her and you didn’t know her name? Wow, I can see why she likes you."

"She likes me, because I am hot." Caliborn retorted. "And I was going to fuck her, because she is less ugly, than most women. That is how it works. If you ever, left the house, you would know that."

"I leave the house."

"To do what? Sit in the library, reading all those books, you constantly carry around?"

There was a pause, and Dirk raised an eyebrow at him, because he wasn’t exactly the sort of person other people took much notice of. He was more used to people ignoring him, or being surprised to realise he was even in their classes once it was pointed out to them, like the year he’d been sitting right next to them wasn’t long enough for them to find that out. Caliborn seemed to realise he’d said something that had puzzled him, quickly moving on with a dismissive, "Then again, if you went to a club, people would probably just think, who’s that douchebag, and ignore you. Because, they would be right. You look, like a total douche."

"Yes, you already established that." Dirk moved on with the conversation, choosing not to linger on the strange warmth the fact he had been noticed by someone other than Roxy or Jane brought him. "At least if I took someone home I’d learn their fucking _name_ first. Do you really think anyone thinks you’re interested in them if you can’t even bother to do that?"

"But I am not, interested it them. I just want to fuck them."

"Holy shit, you are such an ass."

Dirk’s brows were furrowed and he was strumming his fingers on the arm of the chair, one more stupid comment away from telling him to go fuck himself. Caliborn had an odd expression on his face, and was regarding him, analysing him, humming a soft, thoughtful sound to himself. It was more disconcerting than Dirk wanted to admit. His hand fell still against the chair.

"You know, Dirk. It is Dirk, right?" Caliborn began, then before Dirk could even give an annoyed complaint he’d only _just_ told him that, the man barrelled straight on into, "You are a dick."

Well, there it was. He opened his mouth to order him out.

"But maybe, not so much of a dick, as some people. Maybe even acceptable, at some point." Caliborn shrugged his large shoulders, and Dirk just blinked at him, no longer sure where this conversation was going. "A dick, I could maybe stand to hang out with, sometimes. Maybe even hang out during dinner, or something." What. "Not that I am asking you out." _What._ "I would never, ask a dick like you out. Just saying, you know?"

No. Holy shit, he did _not_ know, and he was staring at him with both eyebrows up and mouth slightly open, no matter how much he’d tried to keep his poker face.

"Maybe it could happen, that we go to the same restaurant, at the same goddam time and day." Caliborn continued, the pace he was talking at speeding up a little with what might have been nervousness, was Dirk still paying attention to anything other than the words themselves. "And maybe, it so happens, we are forced to share a table. Because the restaurant is shitty, and the food is shitty. And maybe the only reason, I won’t leave the shitty restaurant, is because you’re going to have dinner there and you’re an acceptable company, for an otherwise lonesome dinner. Acceptable as far as dicks with douchey hair, and weird hobbies go."

What the fuck _was_ this?

Caliborn was watching him and seemed to be waiting for a _response_ , and like fuck did Dirk know what response to give to him. He mentally flailed, then finally managed to form words that were more articulate than a vague sound of confusion.

"That was the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard. It didn’t even make sense. Holy fuck, how can anyone fuck up sentences as much as you do? Roxy sounds better than that and she’s literally too drunk to control what she’s saying most of the time!"

There was a single beat, and then Caliborn stood and Dirk instinctively followed suit, hands in fists by his sides as the taller man stalked up to him. "You know what?" Caliborn started, voice a low growl, far more angry than it probably should have been after that lame, desperate insult. "I am done. You can take your fucking incapability, to be a social human being, and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. I don’t even know why I am wasting saliva and breath, with an obnoxious prick, who obviously cannot see, what a fucking privilege it is, to be talking to such a cool guy."

He was pretty sure this was a massive overreaction, and didn’t say anything, waiting for it to blow over. Caliborn’s cheeks were red with anger, most likely, as he spat out, "Fuck you. _Fuck you._ And yes before I forget. Fuck. _You._ "

Dirk set his jaw and glared up at him, close enough he could see details in his vivid eyes he hadn't noticed before. They were flecked with honest to God scarlet, framed with thick, dark lashes, an almost feminine shape about them. Caliborn stooped slightly to him, lip curled in distaste, those teeth that were practically fangs bared at him. He could see the way the taller man's muscles were tensed, saw the slightly shift in his shoulder that suggested he was preparing to move his arm. In response, Dirk tensed to step out of the way, because no doubt the motion was going to be a swing for him, and when it came Dirk would show him why you never started a strife with a Strider.

Caliborn's arm shifted, and Dirk was halfway to moving before he realised it wasn't a punch, and it was slow, and deliberate. He finally looked down from his eyes, and it was to the man pulling a card from his pocket and pushing it into Dirk's unresisting hand.

"I hate you, Dirk Strider." Caliborn told him firmly, straightening back up to his full height. There was a longer pause as Dirk chose to look up to him before examining the card, a frisson racing down his spine when their gazes locked, and Caliborn finally spoke again.

"Call me."

It was not what he'd expected, and he blinked rapidly, trying to ignore the way his stomach was flipping and his neatly organised thoughts were in a sudden mess, scattered as though a bomb had been set off in their center. He looked down to the card, and the number scrawled on it in large grey capitals, and by the time he had regained enough sense to look up Caliborn was pushing past him, heading for the door.

Why did he feel so strange about this? A dick had given him his number because he wanted to trade more barbs! That was all! And the way he'd stared straight into his eyes and made his heart race, that was all just typical threats and so on!

And talking about going to dinner with him, that had just been...

Been...

Dirk gripped the card tightly.

A legion of things battled to leave his lips, but none made it before the man gave him one last look and then left, closing the door behind him loud enough Roxy's door opened a second later. She rushed out in nothing but the lacy pink lingerie she had apparently settled on and he quickly slid the card up into the cuff of his shirt, hooking it there to hide it from sight.

"You're kiddin' me." She complained, clasping her hands to her hips. "Just when I was gonna tell him I was still up for some fun! You coulda kept him around, Distri, not scared him away!"

It was joking, and he forced a weak smile as she swayed over. "I know it's a long shot, baby... Don't suppose you're up for-?"

He was shaking his head apologetically before she finished, and she sighed, folding her arms over her bare stomach. It was less concave than he remembered it. He would ask if she was putting on weight but he was certain that would be taken as an insult.

"Didn't think so. Guess it's just kisses and cuddles for me, tonight. Well, whatevs! He was kinda huge dick anyway, amirite?"

"He was certainly something." Dirk replied, voice a little strained. She didn't notice, hooking her hands around his neck and leaning up to kiss him.

Her lips tasted of sweetener and artificial flavourings.

The card against his arm was still warm with the heat of Caliborn's touch.

.:.

"So what happened then?" Dad enquired, relighting his pipe. Bro shrugged,still feeling a little odd telling this story the right way around, and not the way around where he was the one who left to get his shit straight.

"Cal left, I went and locked myself in my room and basically freaked out." He sighed, scratching his chin. "Look, that was deep shit for me. I’d never been attracted to _anyone_ before, I was getting pretty sure I was asexual or something. Then bam. Nope. Life said hey, Bro, here’s a dude you’re gonna wanna bang and there’s nothing you and your straight up Christian sensibilities can do about it. See, I was raised in Texas back when that shit wasn’t just frowned upon, it was fucking illegal, and my foster parents always made sure I was damn well sure of it. I had the fear of God in me when I was a kid and the fear of persecution in me when I was older, even after I’d given up on religion. You spend seventeen years being told you’re gonna burn in hell for sodomy or you’re gonna die of AIDs or shit, you damn fucking well don’t like thinking about the fact you might be gay. So I just didn’t. I never even considered the prospect. Just assumed if I didn’t like chicks I’d never like anyone."

Dad regarded him with a little sympathy, and Bro rolled his eyes straight back. "Hey, that was how shit was for me. I don’t give a fuck now, and I got over it. Hell, I got over it because of _him_. Cal. He wasn’t gay, exactly. He was pretty much into _anything_ that was into him, but I was the first guy he’d ever actually been _interested_ in. He told me after that his whole overreaction was ‘cause he’d wanted to talk to me for weeks and never worked up the courage and then he got the chance and he fucked it up and he thought I hated him, which I almost fucking did, and he just kind of lost it, internally."

"To be fair he hardly sounds like he swept you off of your feet. I am struggling to see how anything came of that conversation, romantically."

Bro paused and thought it over, and gave a conceding nod. It was difficult for _him_ to see it, looking back, let alone for anyone else to. It was a thing that just happened perfectly naturally at the time, but now? Had that really been the first conversation he had with a man he’d totally fallen for?

He decided to carry on, because now he was getting puzzled by shit he already knew the outcome of.

"The next morning, he turned back up. Roxy thought he was there for her and he awkwardly as fuck explained actually he wanted to talk to me." He snorted to himself, smiling at nothing. "His sister had been in his ear since he got home about apologising, so he came back to try to make less of a fucking mess of things. I was _so_ freaked out he was back, because I’d been up all night trying to reconcile what I was feeling about him - baby’s first real fucking sexual attraction, it was ridiculous - and what I was certain I knew about myself, and really not liking the answers I was getting. I think I’d probably liked guys before then, looking back, but I was so closeted to myself I just buried my head in the sand and pretended it wasn’t true so hard I ended up believing it. I couldn’t do that with Cal. He was back! He was in my face. He wasn’t going to leave and I had no excuses to hide behind about the fact the second time he was really talking to me I was examining him like he was one of my goddam watches and getting off on what I saw."

He hesitated, remembering abruptly he was talking to Dad, but the man hadn’t faltered. He simply let out a puff of smoke, and shrugged. "So he came back and apologised?"

"Tried to. With Cal, apologising meant he insulted me again in new, slightly more offensive ways, but I dunno. I guess I could see he was trying, and that was enough I let it slide. He wasn’t actually that hurtful. It was like insults were just how he spoke to people, and once you dug down a bit you saw he seriously wasn’t trying to cause offense, no matter how stupid that seemed." Bro shook his head, then reached for the orange juice Dad had poured him during his story, sipping it before he continued. "I was already starting to hesitantly accept maybe there was something about him I really liked, even if I was still really scared of labelling it as an _attraction_. I settled for just acknowledging there was a _thing_ there, and leaving it at that. I mean, Roxy was still technically my girlfriend, in our messed up no-sex-only-cuddles-now way, and I was trying fucking hard to be attracted to _her_ , because I wanted her happy. That went to shit, obviously." He added, glancing up at the other man, who chuckled.

"I would imagine so, or else I have been greatly misinformed."

"Anyway, Cal showed up, fucked up an apology, then growled about going to see a film or something with me. I swear to God, I want to punch little me in the face for this, but I seriously didn’t realise what he was asking and just said yeah, cool, thinking hey! Free movie to make up for him insulting me! Ugh." He flinched with inward embarrassment, shaking his head. "No little me, no. Stop."

"Did Roxy know about this? I find it hard to believe she wouldn’t realise what his intentions were."

"She didn’t know. She was always out with Jane and I just figured it wasn’t something important. Just meeting a guy for an apology movie, right?" His lips pursed a little in retrospective annoyance. "Nothing would _ever_ fucking come of that."

"When did it finally occur to you, that he was interested in you?"

"Halfway through the film, and holy shit, it was _not_ my finest fucking hour."

.:.

Dirk was beginning to place why this felt slightly wrong.

It was a creeping realisation, that welled up with a little bubbling uneasiness in his stomach. He glanced over at Caliborn a few times, though his red eyes were still firmly on the screen, and began to fidget in his seat. At first, it was simply strumming his fingers on the arm between them, and then it was letting his leg bounce, before finally he was wriggling against the backrest and Caliborn snapped, and looked over to him.

"Dirk. What the fuck, are you doing?"

"Getting... comfortable?" He offered weakly, and the larger man narrowed his eyes. For the moment, Caliborn apparently accepted it, and looked back up to the screen, though Dirk himself had long since lost interest in the exploits of the protagonist. He returned to twitching his leg up and down, hands rubbing over one another.

He was being stupid! This was just some strange attempt by Caliborn to make peace with him. That was literally all this was! He’d come and said sorry, sort of, and said about going out to do something together and...

Caliborn grabbed hold of his knee to stop it jumping and Dirk let out a _very_ uncool squeal, several people hissing in front of them for him to be quiet as he mumbled apologies and Caliborn clearly tried not to laugh at him. He glared at him, and Cal just furrowed his brows back as his initial amusement faded.

"Like fuck, is doing that, _getting comfortable._ " He pointed out. "So what the fuck, is wrong with you?"

Dirk looked at him, and flapped his mouth a few times as he tried to think of a way to approach the subject, to think of some casual way he could pry. None presented themselves, and it was the sheer overwhelming weight of needing to know that eventually led him to blurt, a little too loud, "This is a date, isn’t it?"

Caliborn stared at him, eyebrows rising, and Dirk instantly knew he’d been wrong, and an idiot, and man how stupid must he look right now. Then that all went out the window as Caliborn’s face twisted into an expression of disbelief and he leant closer, holding Dirk’s gaze.

"No. Fucking. _Shit._ "

Oh.

_Oh._

He made a small startled sound and sat up from the back of the seat, hands gripping his knees tight enough his knuckles were white, now Caliborn had let go. He did his best to hold in his voice as a panicked outburst rose in his throat, and managed to succeed only insofar as what escaped was soft enough only the row immediately in front of them angrily hissed at him.

"This is a date? A _date_ date. Like, romantic intention date? That’s what this is? Holy fuck, why didn’t you tell me when you invited me to see a film alone that is was a date - oh my God, it was because it was obvious, what the fuck! How didn’t I know? How did I miss that? I’m on date with a guy and I didn’t even - with a _guy_ , holy _shit_ , I should go or something, I-"

"Sit, the fuck, back down." Caliborn snapped, catching his waist when he stood and pulling him back into the seat. "You mean to tell me, in your fucking idiocy, you didn’t know what this was? What exactly, did you _think_ I was asking you?"

"I thought it was part of your apology!"

"Yes, Dirk. Because _all_ apologies, clearly include, going to see a film together, alone."

He had to admit, thinking about it, that sounded as stupid to him as it must do to his unintended romantic companion. He waved his hands through the air in front of him, trying to think of how to get across, in pleasant terms, how much he was flipping his shit right now. In the end he managed a slight wheeze, and then a weak, "Holy fuck we’re on a date."

"Until ten minutes ago, you were fine, so don’t you dare tell me, you’re not enjoying it." Caliborn stated, and Dirk blushed furiously because okay! Maybe he _had_ been having fun, but he hadn’t known it was a date then, and that made a difference!

Right?

"I can’t do this." He mumbled at him, trying to stand up again. This time when he stood Caliborn rose and grabbed his shoulders, and as he pushed him back down Dirk’s weak protests were cut off when, after a quick glance up to check other people’s attention was firmly on the screen, Caliborn leaned forward and their mouths bumped aggressively together in a nervous, fleeting kiss.

"Ow! What the _fuck_ , was that?" He rubbed his mouth and glared at Dirk, who stared back like a rabbit in headlights. "It helps if you don't, headbutt me, asshole!"

Dirk became uncomfortably aware that he was the one who'd moved forward in a panic to close the gap at the end. He forced himself back against the cushion and Caliborn leaned forward again, taking advantage of their seats at the back to be more bold as he loosely rested a knee between Dirk's legs to steady himself, one hand on his shoulder and the other on the headrest by his ear. He was warier, and when Dirk went to move he caught him, held him until he relaxed, and then pushed forward into a kiss that was more lips and warmth and less sudden impact.

He was tense, just numbly sitting there as Caliborn tried to coax him into being more active, mind racing as it tended to when he was panicked. It wasn’t like this was rough anymore, or too overwhelming physically, he just didn’t know how to respond to it. Hell he barely knew what to do when his _girlfriend_ kissed him, let alone-

Well. Whatever the fuck _this_ was.

His neck was prickling again, and there was a tightness in his stomach that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. All the mixed thoughts he’d been having came to a head, and with a tiny sound he refused to admit was a whimper, he opened his mouth, bringing his hands up to fist them into the collar of Caliborn’s shirt as the embrace deepened in ways he’d hesitantly tried before, but this time the expected wave of unease never actually came. It was strange and slow and didn’t feel like it was pushing him towards anything, no roaming hands or suggestive comments accompanying it, and that felt good. That felt fucking nice, actually.

The kiss broke, and Caliborn held his gaze for a second, before slumping back into his own seat and dismissively waving a hand over towards the exit.

"Fine. Go fuck yourself, if you want. At least I got one kiss."

Dirk hesitated, and was on the verge of relaxing. There wasn’t that much of the movie left, and it hadn’t actually been so bad that far...

And then a woman in the row in front of them who’d apparently been paying more attention that he thought muttered about the pair of them being disgusting, and a switch flipped in his head, his seat not even having swung up to touch the backrest by the time he ran out of the double doors at the top of the sloping room.

He was going to Hell.

"Dirk!"

He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t expected Caliborn to follow him, but the call vaguely surprised him, the door slamming back shut behind the man chasing him as he focused on just getting to the exit. He didn’t deal well with being out at the best of times, and right now all he wanted was to be home with the door shut and nothing but his machines for company. He made it onto the sidewalk before Caliborn caught his arm, and as they both came to an abrupt halt they thudded against each other, and he wheezed again, eyes darting over the ground rather than looking up.

"We should probably, leave this shithole." Caliborn advised, and Dirk almost snapped that was what he’d been trying to do but the other man continued first. "I may have, punched a woman in the face, a little bit."

"Holy fuck." Dirk croaked at him, and Caliborn shrugged, starting to guide the way along the street, not releasing the shorter man’s arm. "You did what?"

"She was a cunt." He responded plainly, "She deserved it, too much for me to care. But we should probably go, before the police take me home again, and Callie gives me another fucking lecture, about being an _upstanding member, of the community_."

"Cal if you just assaulted someone you’d be fucking _arrested_ , not-"

"I would not, be taken into custody. Trust me."

"You can’t just assume-"

"I am not assuming." He said with some weight behind his words Dirk didn’t entirely understand, then pulled a face and looked at the street names. "Your flat, is nearer. We should go there."

"Why?" The Texan snapped, mind still reeling too much for him to stay calm. "So you can lay low until the cops stop fucking looking for you?"

"So we can talk, you fucking prick." Caliborn shot him a look, lip curling. "Because you’re going mental, and I want to, I don’t know, _calm you the fuck down_."

Dirk fell silent, and the two of them kept moving, although Caliborn slowed down enough Dirk could keep pace with him. He wasn’t thinking with enough clarity to flashstep right now, as much as he wanted to. He wasn’t thinking with enough clarity to do _anything_ , really.

"So." Caliborn started, slowly. "I am not even sure, I was right about your, interests."

"I’m not gay." Dirk said softly, and he _felt_ the look Caliborn gave him. "I’m not like _that_."

"Like _what_?"

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out, and after a few seconds he closed it again. That was a good question. He wasn’t even sure he knew the answer. What wasn’t he like? Was _was_ he like? All of the creeping thoughts and suspicions and worries that had been plaguing him recently were back, loud in his head, and when he looked up to Caliborn his face was twisted and his voice was wavering.

"...I don’t know."

"No, you don’t know. You just, assume things, like everyone does! I knew you were a fucking douchebag, but I thought, maybe, you were different. I thought you were, more accepting. I don’t even know why. I should have known better."

"I-"

"You were fine, with me, with today, until you knew it was a date. You were enjoying it, you were happy, and then, you knew, and suddenly it was terrible. Fuck you. I was trying so hard, to not fuck this up, but I guess it was doomed from the start."

"No, I- I _did_ enjoy it, okay, it was fucking great." Dirk fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, stumbling over his words in ways he never normally did. "I don’t go out much, it was pretty sweet being outside for once, and you’re decent fucking company, as far as stupid assholes go." He tried to quirk a grin but it came out weak and nervous, and he quickly dropped it. "I mean maybe it being a date doesn’t change that. I just... wasn’t expecting it. Uh. Fuck, it’s not like guys normally ask me out? It’s not like guys _ever_ ask me out. That’s not a thing I even thought would _happen_ , and I don’t know what to do about it."

"Well make your fucking mind up, because I am asking, and I want an answer, even if it’s a no. At least that way, I can move on with my fucking life, and let this go."

Dirk looked away, trying to think as they neared the apartment. It was difficult to make sense of all this. He knew what he’d been taught and he knew what he’d felt and the two didn’t quite fall into step with one another. The day had been great, and Caliborn was better company than he’d expected... but he was still a guy! And that shit wasn’t _right_.

Right?

He led the way up the stairs when they arrived at his building, unlocking the door and heading straight to his room with Cal in tow. Roxy waved at them from the couch and watched them move past, but Dirk only managed a small smile before she vanished from sight, and they were in the dark sanctuary of his bedroom. He moved to sit at his desk, and after lingering awkwardly for a second Caliborn moved and sat on the bed, folding his arms and waiting.

"What, exactly," Caliborn asked quietly, as Dirk turned towards him to help fight to resist the temptation to pick up one of his clocks and start taking it apart, "Is your issue, here?"

"You’re a dude."

Caliborn continued staring at him, face still serious. Then, slowly, his eyebrows rose and his eyes widened, his mouth opening in shock. Dirk watched him, nonplussed, wondering what he had said wrong, and then without warning, Cal was on his feet, hands out in a gesture of awe. Dirk was just about to ask what the fuck he was doing when his hands dropped to his trousers, and in one motion he had them open, the Texan covering his eyes as quickly as he could.

"Holy shit, would you look at that!"

"I’d rather not!" Dirk squeaked, the uncoolest he’d ever been. Caliborn chose to pointedly ignore him.

"I am actually, a guy! Totally right, thanks for clearing that up, I never noticed it, myself. Wow. Brilliant observation Dirk. I am amazed, at your deductive skills."

Dirk hesitated, and then parted his fingers just enough to see, hoping it was subtle.

"What? Do you want proof?" Caliborn turned towards him and he snapped his fingers shut again, yelping, the taller man laughing loudly. "Fucking shit, you are just, ridiculous."

"Can you please put your dick away, holy fuck!" Dirk said as firmly as he could, and he didn’t lower his hands until he was _certain_ that he’d heard Caliborn zip his fly backup. The Englishman stayed standing, folding his arms again and frowning. "Okay, okay, I get the message, it was a stupid thing to say, but-"

"There is, no but!" Caliborn snapped, before calming down and continuing in a firm voice. "Did you have, a good time?" Dirk nodded a little uneasily, and Caliborn grimaced. "Did you, enjoy yourself?" He nodded again, with more certainty. "And when I kissed you," Dirk tensed, "did you think, it was awful? Did you want to, push me away?" He hesitated for the longest time he could, then shook his head, starting to flush. "Then what does it matter, that I am a guy, and you are a guy, too?"

"I-" Dirk struggled with words, hugging himself. "No? I guess it doesn’t, but-" He swallowed. "It’s just-" He fidgeted, voice slow and unsure when he continued, "I guess not?"

"Then what, the everloving fuck, are you freaking out for?" Caliborn pointed out sharply, and Dirk flinched. "Congratulations, you had a good time. Congratulations, you are _attracted to me_. Like shit, is that a surprise, I mean who isn’t?"

The Texan stared at him, eyes widening with a more subtle, honest emotion, heart starting to thud hard in his chest. He’d known it since the first time he saw him, but hearing it so bluntly stated shook him. Dirk’s breath sped, his eyes darting over him, the statement too plain to be denied in the same way he’d been dodging all his own thoughts.

"Dirk, you are doing it, again. Stop doing that, or I am going to, smack you."

"...I’m attracted to you." He replied numbly, their gazes back on each other. Caliborn’s eyebrows rose and he simply stared back, speechless, clearly thinking about something as they stayed silent. Dirk’s flush deepened.

At last, the Englishman shifted, moving over with slow, deliberate steps. Dirk looked down and felt Caliborn place a hand on each of his shoulders, squeezing them firmly without his grip growing too tight. "None of this, is an answer." The man said quietly, voice low, and of course none of it was an answer. Dirk still hadn’t even thought about that! He wasn’t sure he _could_ think about that.

Dirk looked up, hesitating longer than he should have done on Caliborn’s recently closed fly, almost at headheight to him, then continuing up to his face. He squeaked as he was fixed in the man’s bright, unwavering gaze.

There was a long, expectant silence, and each time Dirk almost opened his mouth Caliborn bordered on looking encouraging, but regardless it was quickly shut again. The tense pause was drawing out, and out, as Dirk just couldn’t bring himself to speak. What would he even _say_? At last Caliborn broke it with a sigh, soft, perhaps a little weary.

He leant down slowly, at a steady pace so Dirk knew it was coming and had time to try and relax. When he reached him, their noses touched, and for a moment Dirk’s brain was overclocking and he was noticing the rough catch of the stud Caliborn wore there, and how hot the other man’s skin was, how his breath still smelt of the sugar sweet popcorn they had argued over before the film. He noticed every tiny little thing, and then Caliborn’s lips pressed firmly to his, and he stopped noticing anything else at all.

It was steady, rhythmic brushes of his lip, at first. Slow strokes of his warm mouth that left the prickle and the swell of sensation bubbling up through Dirk that he was finally starting to understand. He was nervous, but he parted his lips again, and this time rather than deepen it in one motion he felt as though Caliborn was coaxing him, leading him to match each motion, until it didn’t feel so much that Cal was kissing him, but that they were kissing each other. That was new. He was not used to embraces that were more evenly shared. By the time it was deep, his hands were gripping Caliborn’s collar, and one of Cal’s hands had slipped up to tangle in his hair. For a moment he swore he had forgotten how to breathe, and then it was over, and they were staring at each other, the air electric, several rapid, panted breaths flooding his lungs with welcome air.

Dirk waited for his heart to calm and his voice to return to him, his thoughts suddenly oddly collected and plain. He never once looked away from Caliborn’s apprehensive expression, until at last, he gave the minutest nod, and mumbled a quiet, "...Okay."

.:.

"...And then we were in dokis." Bro continued, a little wrapped up in his memories, for all he was leaving out some of the more intimate details in what he spoke aloud. "Agreed we were dating, and I showed him out. Sat down with Roxy, awkward as fuck, and said I thought I was gay and you know what she fucking said? She laughed real nervously and said yeah, she knew. She’d known for a while. She was just too into me to tell me. I probably should’ve been mad but I let it go. Decided it was a fresh start, so she was allowed one last, little fuckup."

"And of course, you remained friends." Dad observed.

"Yeah. We stayed tight. Roxy always had my back - she still does. Even in a time and place no one woulda blamed her for outing me or fucking off when I told her, she stuck with me, didn’t hold a grudge against Cal or anything, other than not liking him ‘cause he was an asshole. Her and Jane really liked his sister though, so when he came to see me they’d go and see her, and it all kinda worked out okay, for a while. He kinda held off introducing me to Callie as long as he could, so I only heard about her for ages."

"Did he think there would be an issue?"

"Well yeah. He thought I’d be an asshole to her, basically. The whole way I’d freaked out about the idea of dating him didn’t exactly leave him thinking I was open minded. It was a fair call, I probably would’ve done the same shit in his place." Bro chuckled to himself, smiling fondly. "Didn’t stop her having a say in shit, let me tell you. All the time she’d be ringing him or sending him with things for me. It was sweet and eventually I talked him into actually introducing us."

"Did that go well?" Dad enquired, and Bro airily waved a hand.

"It went interestingly. I mean, it’s hardly like the two of them were actually anything like I expected."

.:.

The house was a lot bigger than Dirk had predicted. He’d known they lived slightly outside the city, and he’d known it was in a pretty decent area, but holy _fuck_. Caliborn lived in what looked like a fucking _mansion._ He’d rung the doorbell and now lingered awkwardly on the porch, hands thrust into his pockets, hoping Caliborn was even actually _in_ as he’d turned up several hours before he’d said he would.

He heard muffled cursing approaching through the door. Well at least that answered that question.

It swung inwards and he saw a flash of Caliborn for exactly a second before the door was slammed again, leaving him blinking at it. The flash had been enough he’s seen he was wearing his suspenders and bowtie that he didn’t wear out much to try and looker ‘cooler’, though Dirk was well acquainted with them.

It was also long enough he’d seen a long, gloved arm draped over his shoulder, and the slight unnatural colour of a carved face resting by his head.

Dirk thought that through, and knocked again.

Caliborn opened the door sheepishly this time, giving Dirk a slightly pained look as he mumbled something about normal people turning up _on time_ , but the Texan was ignoring him. He raised a hand and pointed at the smiling face peeking out from behind Caliborn’s head, and the taller man sighed.

"Oh my God." Dirk said at last. "You have a _puppet_."

"Yes. Well done Dirk, you have eyes." Subconsciously, he raised a hand and clasped the gloved hanging over his chest, tugging it forward enough the bright blue eyes that were half-hidden rose into clear view. "This is my friend. Don’t laugh."

"Dude I wasn’t going to laugh, holy shit, he’s fucking perfect, look at that craftsmanship. Old school work but fuck, man, that’s quality." Dirk had stepped around him before Caliborn could object, looking over the puppet with a little admiration. "This suit is the shit! Did you get it made special? I know it’s custom - look it’s fucking _tailored_ for the lil’ dude."

"My, uh." Caliborn looked a little lost, like he wasn’t used to these questions. "My nanny, had it made it for him, when he gave him to me."

"Okay so I could totally call you up on having a fucking _nanny_ , how British _are_ you holy shit, but I won’t. This stitching is flawless."

"My father had, an excellent tailor."

After a few moments, Cal carefully shifted the puppet from his shoulders, hooking his hands under his long, soft arms and offering him to Dirk. It was with a certain reverence that the shorter man took him, and admired him, and ran the pads of his thumbs over the soft felt of his full green suit. Everything about it was perfect, from the subtle stitched detailing around the collar to the precisely folded bowtie, and it was clearly all done by hand. The intricateness of it fascinated him. He wondered if he could ever create something so fine.

He had moved on to admiring the subtle shifts in tone on the doll’s painted skin by the time Caliborn finally shifted him further into the house, and even then he simply started running his fingers through the puppet’s soft hair. They lingered in the hall, and all the time Caliborn watched him apprehensively, waiting for a response or opinion of some kind.

"He," Dirk murmured eventually, "is fucking incredible." All at once, a tenseness slid out of Cal and he rolled his eyes, clearly a hell of a lot more relaxed, now. "I can’t believe you never introduced us, you’ve been holding out on me. Your lil’ best bro here is just... wow, holy fuck, I’m in love, Cal, sorry dude. Man, I wonder if I could get some material and make him a cap or something. You think that’d look cool? I just wanna fucking make him _something_ , I don’t even know why. It’d just be a pretty sweet project for a pretty damn cool lil’ guy."

"If you make him anything, he will just end up looking, as douchey as you. I can feel it."

"Don’t make it a challenge, bro. I will make him the most ironically beautiful outfit, seriously. Holy fuck I could make him a little you. Get some chains or something, that stupid double shirt thing you do sometimes..." He grinned, holding the puppet back up to him. "Hell yes. Hell fucking _yes_. I’ll grab some measurements later, I’m making that shit happen."

Caliborn’s cheeks were a little red as he took his friend back, returning him to hanging around his shoulders. He coughed, and Dirk swore he was trying not to smile. "I’m glad, you actually seem to like him. Most people don’t. I did not know pupaphobia existed, until I moved here. But there we go."

"I fucking love puppets, bro."

"Yes. I see that now." Cal shrugged, then raised the puppet’s hand. Dirk gave him a fist bump, and caught the flicker of a real grin that briefly split over his boyfriend’s usually annoyed face. "You are now, bros. There. It is official."

"Sweet." Dirk smiled at the puppet, then up at him, genuinely pleased. "I’m sure me and him will be best bros, Cal. I’d offer to introduce you to my best bro but you know her and she kind of hates you, so how about no. Hey! I could introduce you to what I’ve got of my AR so far sometime."

"What, exactly, is-?"

He stopped talking again as the door opened behind him, and Dirk automatically looked towards it, eyebrows rising at the Amazon of a woman concentrating on putting her key away into a bag hanging from her shoulder. She was dressed in a neat green suit and skirt, and as she looked up she pushed some of her brilliant white curls back from her eyes, smiling broadly at the pair of them.

"Oh!" She exclaimed happily. "Hello, love. Is this-?"

"This is Dirk, Calliope." Caliborn gestured at him, as though he could possibly have meant someone else. "Dirk, this is my sister." Again, he gestured at her, and Dirk chuckled before stepping forward and offering a hand. She ignored it in favour of sweeping up and practically picking him up in a tight hug, planting a kiss on his cheek that he hoped hadn’t left a stain as vivid lime as her lips.

"Dear brother and Roxy have told me a lot about you, Dirk! It’s wonderful to finally meet you." She gave him a broad, bubbly smile, clasping her hands. Then she paused, and looked around them, rolling her eyes. "Do we all really need to stand about like prats in the hall, though? Come on, you two, sit down in the living room and I’ll go get us some biscuits."

Caliborn mumbled they were fine, but both still followed her as she led the way with a spring in her step. She was only an inch below Caliborn, though that might have just been her slouching, and had broad shoulders like him, though she held them in a more graceful slope. Dirk hadn’t been explicitly told they were twins, but he was getting that impression fairly quickly, although even in the few lines he’d heard her say he was guessing Calliope was pretty much Caliborn’s polar opposite. She settled them on a couch and then disappeared for a few minutes, coming back in with her promised tray of snacks and setting it between them.

"Well, everything went well." She said to Caliborn, who glanced up at her. "The doctor even complimented me on how much better my voice is getting! The coaching is doing wonders, don’t you think?"

"It sounds good, I guess." Her brother muttered gruffly back, but she smiled as though he had just offered some sappy praise.

"Oh, I am glad you think so, Cal! A lot of hard work went into this."

"Coaching?" Dirk asked curiously, taking a cookie and starting to nibble at it.

"My voice coaching. I’ve been going for quite a while."

"Did you stutter or something?" That was what voice coaching was for, right? He wasn’t sure, and the loud laugh she gave made him think he was wrong.

"No, no, of course not! I mean..." She coughed and cleared her throat, shifting her head slightly. "I used to sound like this."

She’d said it in a voice that was practically identical to Caliborn’s, and Dirk choked on the mouthful of food he’d been swallowing, his boyfriend smacking his back hard to help him breathe again. Her voice had been higher and female and pretty damn normal, but no, that last bit? That was deep and weird and definitely not the sort of voice any girl should have, ever.

Wait. Holy shit. They were _identical_ twins.

Dirk stared at her.

She coughed a few times and rubbed her throat, looking from him to Caliborn and back. "Oh gosh!" She said apologetically, back to that first, sweeter voice. "Had Caliborn not _told_ you? I did tell him to!"

"Uh. No. No, he did not." Dirk searched for something to say, and when he finally opened his mouth to let out the obvious, stupid fact he wanted to state, Caliborn’s hand pressed across it, and he gave a muffled, reproachful sound.

"No, Dirk. Shoosh. No talking." The other man said quietly, soft enough it didn’t stop Calliope from speaking.

"Bollocks. You said you’d warn him, Caliborn! Oh, I am sorry, Dirk."

"You do not need, to apologise to him, for fuck’s sake." She pouted at Caliborn and he glared back. "No. You, are you. I did not need to warn him, because it is not something bad."

"Yes, but I assumed he knew and I didn’t mean to upset him-!"

"Why would he be upset?"

"Why are you covering his mouth?"

Caliborn seemed to remember his hand was there, and dropped it, leaving Dirk to breathe a little easier as he shut his mouth and thought about what to say. He blocked them out a little, though he could hear Calliope chastising her brother for "being a massive twat".

"Wow." He said after far too long just staring. Caliborn shot him a look, and Calliope hesitated nervously, before he added. "You sound great."

"Oh!" Her eyes lit up and Cal visibly relaxed, and Dirk nodded as she beamed at him.

"Yeah, I mean... If you hadn't done that, I wouldn't have known."

She looked like she was going to start crying, her smile painfully wide, her hands clasped over her heart. He gave her a weak smile, more from still hurting from choking than from any negative emotion. She was blushing a little, and at last she mumbled a little, "...Really?" When he nodded confirmation, she blinked rapidly. "That means a lot, Dirk, thank you so much. I should probably go and finish off my studying, gosh, I almost forgot, I-" She paused, smiling more warmly. "Thank you."

She stood, and darted over to peck his cheek, doing the same to Caliborn despite his complaints and attempts to flail her away. Then she wiped her eyes and vanished off, leaving them in silence.

Caliborn nudged his shoulder. He looked up to him.

"Well done, asshole. You didn't fuck it up, as much as I expected."

Dirk snorted and shoved him back, and it turned into a small nudging war that Cal quickly won. He pinned Dirk's shoulder and leant in to steal a quick kiss, the Texan flushing as he always did from even small embraces.

"Come on, idiot. I'll let you measure him, for your stupid project."

Dirk nodded, and let Cal help him to his feet, following him off through the house and trying to take it all in, admiring as he went.

.:.

"After that I visited a lot. Calliope was the sweetest fucking thing once I got to know her, 'cept when she was tearing into Caliborn. Plus I mean that was how I met Lil' Cal, so it was a pretty big day."

"Little Cal?" Dad repeated, apparently unable to bring himself to say the word 'Lil'.

"Oh. The puppet, man. Dave gave him that name a while after I met him, it kinda stuck."

"I assume you still have him? From the way you talked about it- I mean _him_ , forgive me." He paused, rubbing his chin and narrowing his eyes in thought. "Yes... If I recall I have met him already. Hitting me in the face, if memory serves."

Bro raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, that was Lil' Cal. He's got my back in any strife."

"How did you acquire him, then? It sounds as though your friend Caliborn was very fond of him."

Bro's slight smile slipped, and it was a frown by the time he looked away. "Well, he started bringing him round when he visited. It was just like... a comfort thing for him, at first. Then he met Dave, and Lil' Cal became a fucking necessity, holy shit."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I mean, I liked him a lot, okay? But Dave? With Dave, it was love at first fucking sight."

.:.

"EAT YOU LITTLE SHIT, YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING STARVE!"

"NO BO! _NO!_ "

He barely heard the door unlock, though it registered in his subconscious. After a few more unsuccessful jabs of the spoon he realised what the sound had been, and stood, looking over the apartment’s entrance.

Caliborn was staring at him, best bro slung over his shoulders, hands raised in a general expression of confusion as his red eyes travelled around the utter mess of paint and food and destroyed furniture the living room had turned into.

"What, the everloving fuck, is going on?"

Dirk opened his mouth to give a calm reply, but he was cut off by Dave noticing both of their guests, and screaming "PUH-ET!" at the top of his tiny lungs. He tried to wriggle his arms free, and Caliborn noticed them, and in a few strides was above the baby, staring in mixed horror and rage down at his smiling face.

"Dirk," The Englishman said slowly, looking up at him as he tried to look as chill as possible. He was chill. Everything was cool. Yeah. "What the fuck, do you think, you are you doing?"

"Trying to feed the little shit, he's been making a mess of everything."

"So you decided, to tape his arms, to the fucking chair?" Caliborn asked angrily, gesturing down at the silver duct tape trapping Dave's little pudgy arms in place. "Who is the shit, anyway? Oh my God, Dirk. Is he your bastard son? When did this happen?"

"Fuck no, Cal. Calm down."

"Calm down, are you fucking kidding me? _Calm down?_ " Cal glared, storming past him and pulling some of the drawers open so he could fish through them. "Say that again, fucker. We'll see what your fucking nose will look like, when I'm done with you."

"Shit, Cal, it's no big deal." Dirk protested weakly, as Caliborn triumphantly produced a pair of scissors and stalked back to free Dave. "I mean, I have this covered. You don't have to worry, okay?"

"You taped a baby, to a fucking chair, and you have the audacity to say you have this covered." His boyfriend muttered disbelievingly, slicing through the tape. Dirk flinched as the last of it came away, and with a flicker fast enough he barely even perceived it Dave had moved, ending up back in the chair with Cal's puppet sitting on his lap. Caliborn blinked at him as he sucked contentedly on one rosy red cheek with a muffled "puh-eh". "Damn. I didn't even see him moving, how the fuck did he do that?"

Dirk shrugged, and when his shoulders fell back they were slumped, and his poker face cracked into exhaustion. "How d'you think he made all this mess?" He groaned quietly, leaning heavily back against the kitchen counter and then sliding to the floor in a dishevelled heap. "Here." He added wearily, holding the baby food and spoon up to Caliborn until they were hesitantly taken. "You feed the fucker. I am so done with this. So done. Do you know how long it took me to tape him to that chair? A _really_ long fucking time, that's how long. Dave's your problem now, Cal."

"Wait." If Dirk didn't know Cal better, he would have said he was panicking, but he'd been informed many times that Cal did no such thing as _panic_. "He is _your_ bastard son! Why do _I_ , have to feed him?"

"Holy shit, Cal," Dirk made a sound even he couldn't place as either a laugh or a weak sob, "he's not my son. He's my baby brother, oh my God."

"Oh." Caliborn squinted down at where Dave was contentedly covering his friend's cheek with slobber and frowned, though he sounded less angry. "Okay. Where did he come from, anyway?"

Dirk sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the cool wood behind him. Caliborn gave him a few moments of silence, instantly understanding Dirk would answer him when he was ready, and deciding not to push him for a reply that could wait. Dirk was thankful for that. He'd already done far too much angry screaming and indignant storytelling this past week.

"Okay." Dirk heard him mumbling to himself. "Feed the baby. Right. I can do that."

There was brief pause, then an innocent little, "'eed 'aby? 'aby 'ave?"

"Yes, you are baby Dave. Congratulations. Your family is just, full of sharp men."

Dirk chuckled quietly and let the cool wood soothe the headache he was finally noticing, everything aching from hours of chasing his brother through the apartment. The next time he went to mess about with his swords on the roof the little fucker was coming with him, he knew that. He'd see how fast he really was when Dirk could actually bring himself to flashstep too.

For now he just breathed, slowly, tried to calm down. He was in control of this. He could do this. He _had_ to.

Dirk noticed that Caliborn's soft curses and the noise of the spoon being knocked aside had drifted off, and tensed, oddly concerned by the lack of sound. He slowly opened his eyes and looked up. Caliborn was now carefully holding his best bro, the spoon clasped in his white, gloved hand, and as it was offered Dave's mouth opened silently, clearing the spoon with a smile and a little giggle. He chewed, watching avidly as the puppet scooped out the next mouthful for him, actually waiting patiently in his chair. _Quiet._

He caught the gloved hand this time as it approached him, and after eating what was on the spoon he rubbed it against his cheek, mumbling "puh-et" in a contended voice through a full mouth.

He looked at Cal, who looked back at him, and they took a moment to appreciate the miracle. Then he whispered a soft "thank you", closed his eyes, and fell asleep the moment they were shut.

.:.

Bro finished describing the scene with a warm little buzz as he thought of his little baby brother, still so cute and sweet and already an utter little asshole. It was weird thinking about him like that, then looking at what Dave had become now. It was weird talking about _himself_ like this, and thinking about what he was now.

The normal question to keep the conversation flowing didn't come, so he looked to Dad and saw the man was staring at him with eyebrows down and mouth slightly open.

"What?" He asked him, a little disconcerted.

"You _taped a baby_ to a _chair_."

Oh. _That_ little thing.

"Hey, I was just thinking of novel ways to keep the guy in one place!" Bro defended, and Dad waved his hands in a struggle to comprehend this fact.

"So you _taped_ him to a _chair_? I... How does someone even _begin_ to think that is an acceptable method of parenting?"

"I wasn't _parenting_ , I was _brothering_." Bro responded. "Which is like parenting but a hundred times more reckless and pretty much a case of oh hey, that worked! Let's not ask too many questions about how sensible or legal it was!"

"I used to think half of what I heard about your household through John was childish make-believe but having now stayed there and hearing this I am beginning to think it was not."

"Hey, now I'm curious about what shit John's told you."

"Let us leave that for another time, Strider. We are getting off topic." Dad almost actually smiled, shrugging one shoulder. "So I assume after that, Caliborn would help you regularly?"

"Oh, yeah." Bro nodded, making a mental note to bring the question up again sometime. Maybe even with John. "Cal basically started living with me, he was there so often. Dave used to love him, it was adorable. He'd walk around with Dave on one shoulder and Lil' Cal on the other when I needed a break, or sit and draw with him. I used to put both their pictures up on the fridge and I swear you couldn't tell which one was which, fuck, he couldn't draw to save his life, but Dave enjoyed it."

"I used to play piano, with John." Dad commented, and Bro laughed.

"Yeah, the only instrument I ever taught Dave was how to use my decks, but he was fucking great with them when he was older. I used to mess about with music like a hobby, saved up and bought some pretty sweet equipment. Cal actually found me a job, working as a DJ a couple nights a week. Said I was good enough to do it even though I told him I wasn't." He rubbed the back of his neck, smiling at the memory. "He dressed me up to fit, ditched the sweatervest and shit, made me wear a popped collar and some slacks. Hell, I'd forgotten that was him. Bought me a baseball cap, told me it made me look more like a douchebag and that would fit the scene."

"And ten years later you're still wearing those clothes."

"Hey, what can I say? It suited me." The Texan adjusted his collar defensively, then snorted. "I was still scared of fucking it up, so he said I should use a stage name, so if I was bad I could just fuck off into the night. I couldn't come up with one that didn't sound pathetic, when we sat there messing about, and then he looked at me and held up Dave and said hey. How about Bro." He laughed. "I said no, that sounded shit, and he glared at me and said Bro Strider, then, and... yeah, I went. I could work with that."

"I had wondered where the name came from. I had assumed it was David."

"It sorta was, but nah. Cal's the one who actually started me using it. I went and I was a hit and then the name and the outfit just... stuck. People recognised me. I was popular, finally. I wasn't the freak with the orange eyes or the mute nerd or the huge fag that people shoved down stairs. I was Bro Strider, I was cool, people were into me."

Dad nodded, but Bro didn't really notice. He was looking down, smile now a little distant. "Can you believe that?" He mumbled, finally. "I'm in my thirties and I'm still clinging to the things that made me cool when I was nineteen."

Dad didn't answer, and Bro shook his head. "Whatever, I don't give a fuck, I guess. I still hadn't told you how we ended up with Lil' Cal."

.:.

Caliborn wasn't normally that quiet when he came in, but his usual loud greeting was absent. Dirk still knew it was him from the key rattling in the lock and the soft curses as he inevitably tried and failed to put the latch across, so he rolled his head back and smiled up at him as his boyfriend moved over and gave a small smile, and a soft, "Hey."

The moment he spoke Dave dove up from the futon beside his brother, gesturing up at the puppet over his shoulder with small, grabby hands. "Cal!" He squealed in excitement, and the puppet was offered down to the little Texan, who wrapped him up in his arms and sat back down with his long, felt limbs tangled around him.

"Hey, trouble." Cal himself murmured, patting him on the head. Dave beamed and briefly reached up to be lifted, hugging the man around his neck before being settled back down to one side, so Caliborn could sit next to Dirk. He gave his boyfriend a little peck on his lips and slung his arms out across the back of the futon like always, sighing when Dirk instinctively leant against him.

"Wattup?" Dirk asked as he grabbed the remote and changed the channel from weird, trippy kid's shows to something they would all actually enjoy. After he'd dropped it back on the couch he settled his hand on Cal's chest, and his boyfriend shrugged.

"Nothing much. Just, the usual." He said dismissively, but there was a weird tone to his voice, a slightly strained undercurrent. Dirk looked up to his face, concerned, and for a moment he saw a deep, sad frown, but it was gone as soon as Caliborn noticed he was looking. There was brief pause, and then, "This show, is fucking terrible."

The subject was changed before it was even raised, so Dirk decided to let it go. Cal would tell him later, like always. That was how they worked. It was cool. He focused on the TV and answering the stupid questions Dave asked, always started with a drawn out " _Broooo_ ", and tried to ignore the looks of sadness or deep thought that he kept catching in the second before Caliborn saw him and relaxed. They shared little pecks and cuddles and he found himself growing genuinely calm about it too. Whatever it was, it was fine.

The day went fast, even though it was lazy, the shows blurring into one technicolour mess and the light through the windows fading to orange, then dark blue. Caliborn was holding his hand tightly when Dirk finally became aware of the time, and he forced his head up from Caliborn's shoulder to look down at Dave, wrapped up in the puppet's arms, almost asleep.

"Hey, let me free your bro from mine, dude." Dirk said as he leant over Caliborn, but his boyfriend caught him and shrugged.

"No." The Englishman murmured, watching Dave stir amongst the felt. "He can keep him, you know. So he is not alone when he's sleeping."

"You sure?"

"Yes." He faltered, looking back to Dirk and not managing a smile. "I probably have to go home now, though." He continued in a softer voice. "You just put the fucker to bed. I'll..." Another hesitation, another grimace. "I'll just hit the road, before he wakes up, and starts wanting to play with my piercings, again."

"Hey, it's your faults for wearing chains and shit, you know he likes them." Dirk stood and scooped up his brother, who stirred and wiggled back into the puppet's chest.

"Cal." He mumbled sleepily, fingers gripping the shirt Dirk had sewn for him months ago.

"Hey, no, kid. The big guy's Cal, remember?" Dirk soothed, as he walked him to his room and laid them both to rest in the small bed in there. When Dave repeated it, Dirk chuckled. "Tell you what, this rad dude here, he can be Lil' Caliborn, okay?"

"Lil' Cal." Dave repeated, smiling with his eyes shut, "Yeah, Bo."

He was asleep by the time Dirk kissed his forehead, and then his brother left, turning the lights out as he went. Caliborn was waiting by the door, staring wistfully at the apartment, snapping out of it as Dirk reached him and put his hands on his cheeks.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" He asked quietly, and Caliborn snorted, giving a strained smile. "...I love you, Cal."

"I love you too, you stupid asshole." Caliborn replied with a tremor to his voice, but before Dirk could question it lips were pressed down hard to his, Caliborn's arms wrapped around him and pulling them tightly together. This time it wasn't just a peck, it was deep and emotional and left his pulse racing. He held his cheeks tightly, tipped his head into it, fingers up in his hair as Caliborn's other hand rubbed up and down the curve of his lower back. It wasn't frantic, it was slow and heady, and rather than leaving him breathless it made him feel as though life was being breathed back into him, his cheeks hot when they split apart.

"Goodbye, douchebag." Caliborn said softly, ruffling up his styled hair. Dirk grinned at him, and it faded to a contented smile as Cal turned to leave.

"Hey, so, your best bro." He added, his boyfriend pausing in the doorway. "You want him back next time I see you?"

Caliborn stared at him, then turned away, vanishing with a quiet, "Yeah. Okay."

.:.

"But you still have the puppet?"

Dad's voice woke Bro from the memory, and he blinked, dazed, before laughing sadly, his smile not quite feeling right on his face.

"Yeah, well." He mumbled, brushing a hand back through his hair. "I never saw him again."

There was a pause, a strange mix of awkwardness and melancholy, and it ended when Dad cleared his throat, turning his face away. "I am terribly sorry."

"Why? Ain't like it was your fault." He fidgeted, closing his eyes. "Look, _I'm_ sorry. I've been so fucking weird, messing around with John in stupid ways, but holy shit it's been over a decade and I'm still scared that shit will happen again. That I'll just wake up and go to ring him and never get an answer ever again."

"John would not do that to you." Dad observed earnestly. "But I can appreciate the sentiment. There are times I wake up and just have to call Roxy to make sure she is alright. That nothing has happened. It was a decade ago and I still-" He broke off, sighing. "I can understand."

"Hell, I know that, but finding out that he'd done shit with Dave didn't exactly boost my confidence recently." Bro grimaced. "I keep coming up with bullshit excuses, but the reason I wanted John to date other fucking people was so if it was just a kid-crush thing, if he was going to fuck off with someone else, he'd do it before I got too attached. I mean it's too late now, God, if he left now I don't know what I'd fucking do, especially if it was for Dave, holy shit."

"I heard your brother and Karkat talking." The other man said carefully, and Bro glanced up at him. Karkat talking to people was becoming a trend, but maybe it was a good one, even if he couldn't help but think the kid was going to break down any second. "You and David need to sit down and talk, you know, with words and not violence. It pains me to say it but perhaps at least having a short discussion without John present may be beneficial. At least then you will not both be worried about what he is hearing."

"Probably." The Strider conceded quietly. "Hey, look, thanks for listening to my shit. It... actually felt pretty good, getting it out there. I guess I needed it off my chest and I hadn't even realised."

"I would listen to more, if you wanted. It was hardly uninteresting."

"Yeah. I'll remember that, bro. Look, I'm gonna go find Dave and get this shit over with."

"Try not to tape him to any chairs?"

Bro opened his mouth and glared at the smirking man, then rolled his eyes and said he'd try his best, before finally escaping the kitchen and going hunting for Dave. It didn't take long to locate him with the other kids in front of the fire, practically in John's fucking lap.

He tried not to feel annoyed by that.

"Bro!" John said excitedly, when he saw him. "You're alive! What did Dad want?"

"Oh, y'know. Nothing important." Bro replied with a small kiss to his cheek, then promptly jabbed Dave in the ribs, making him curse. "Yo, Dave. Me and you are gonna talk, you little asshole."

"If you've got a problem, strife me, dick." Dave replied coldly, rubbing his side. Bro snorted, shaking his head.

"Nope, no swords. We're going to talk, Dave. Come on, right now."

"Bro, no."

"Bro, yes." His brother replied sweetly, hooking an arm around him and dragging him to his feet. He complained as he was dragged off, away from his friends, until they were the other side of the huge hall and Bro finally let him go. He instantly frowned, arms crossed. "Okay, so. We're talking now. You start."

"No." Dave said darkly, and Bro sighed.

"Come on, Dave. We’re doing this whether or not you want to." Bro nudged his shoulder, and Dave folded his arms tighter, glaring up at him from behind his shades. "You’re seriously going to tell me you won’t talk to me if you don’t get the chance to beat the shit out me first?"

"This is stupid." He responded in a mumble, "I was fucking fine over there. We have no shit to talk about, okay? None at all."

"John." Bro pointed out, and Dave hunched inwards. His older brother sighed, thinking for a few seconds, mulling over all the ways this could go. A lot of them involved Dave refusing to talk to him. That was not exactly ideal in a conversation situation. He searched for an answer and abruptly one occurred to him, making him give an amused snort. "Holy shit, Dave, are we really at the fucking stage we can’t just talk like normal people?"

Dave gave him a _when have we ever been normal_ look, and Bro shrugged, cracking his neck as he considered his next words carefully.

"Look I get that you’ve got problems that you don’t want to discuss but the longer you don’t do this the more strain it puts on us. We’re talking right this second whether you like it or not - I want to help you, asshole, not just put you on the spot."

"Oh hell no." Dave responded, but his arms were looser, his head raised. "Bro, don’t do this, oh my God."

"Well you don’t wanna talk, so cool, let’s just cut out that part. You’re gonna tell me right here, Dave, so why don’t you just start?"

For a couple of long, silent beats Dave just stared at him, then he glanced over to check they were a safe distance from the others, and Bro knew he had him. The younger Texan quietly cleared his throat, hands now out slightly in the air in front of his waist, jigging to a beat to keep him steady. He sucked in a long breath.

"Alright, you wanna do this? Sweet. Just bring it, motherfucker.  
Do you really need it spelled out though, look - Best friend. Fucking. Brother.  
Bro I ain’t sayin’ that you gotta stop but _holy fucking shit_ ,  
it’s kinda in my _face_ and that’s the shit you’ve gotta quit."

"I ain’t trying to affront you but I get that you’re in pain  
though to be honest lil man my shit with John is hells mundane,  
I mean, you gotta face the facts and me and him are set for life.  
Come on, I know you’re crushing bad, but don’t _fuck_ with my wife.  
It’s in your face? Well shit! That ain’t with _my_ intent.  
But whoa, you know what isn’t cool? Not stopping to relent  
this stupid shit you’ve got with him when you _know_ that he’s committed  
‘cause I swear if you don’t drop it, fuck, I’ll get you damn admitted  
to intensive care, with the beat down that I’m aching to instill,  
but no. I won’t. Let’s talk this through. Let’s keep this feels jam chill."

"Hey he’s been just as bad as me, encouraging that shit-"

"-So I’ll tell the fuck to drop it too, but you _both_ need to quit.  
Look, Dave, let’s cut a deal here, kid, I’ll keep that shit down low  
if you just promise me that you and John - just fucking let that _go._  
It’s not like I saw it as a game, didn’t know you were in it too,  
but look lil man, better or worse, he’s stuck with me... not you."

There were a few beats of silence, and for a second Bro thought that was going to be it, with the way Dave’s face twisted. Then the shorter man jabbed a finger at him, voice rising just a little.

"Yeah he picked you and you know what? Fuck, I can’t fucking cope!  
I spent years waiting for my chance with him and never losing hope  
and then _one fucking night_ I leave and like that the Berlin Wall  
between my fuckup brother and my friends just starts to fucking fall  
and I can’t deal with that! I don’t know how! That’s just not fucking _right_!  
I’ve been mad at you for fifteen months and there’s no end in sight  
to how much I want to take back that choice, to stay like I knew I damn well should,  
but I know I can’t no matter how much I just wish I really could  
and just _fuck dammit_ Bro, you always do this! Mess up shit that’s mine!  
And if it weren’t for you who knows! Me and John mighta worked out _fine_!  
I don’t hate you and I don’t hate him but sometimes I wish I _did_  
because it hurts to still fucking love you both when who am I tryin’ to kid  
I fucking _hate_ this and I hate myself for still feeling this way!  
So there. Fuck you. I said my shit. Just go to hell okay?"

He panted for breath, and folded his arms again, cheeks starting to redden. Bro gave him a few moments, then continued, in a softer tone.

"Holy shit, I’m sorry Dave, for everything you feel -  
but you think I don’t know how it is, having to let go of something real  
intense and overwhelming in you heart and in your soul  
and feeling like if you lose that light you’re gonna outright lose control  
of your emotions? Gonna flip your shit and never calm back down?  
You think I don’t know what it’s like to be in love and lose that fucking ground  
to someone else. To some fucker you just want to fucking _hurt_  
so you can take back the love you want so bad and just try and reassert  
that you’re the one for them? Well maybe you’re not, maybe you’ve gotta face  
up to facts and realise that you finished up in second place  
but that’s okay, bro, listen to me, you haven’t lost him, right?  
You get to see him, smile and laugh and you and him are tight  
no matter what I do. That won’t change. He’s more a bro to you than me.  
Listen, Dave, it’s hurting you to pretend he’s more than he can be  
so just step back. Look at what you’ve got, not what you mighta had -  
because what you’ve got is a best fucking friend and that don’t seem so bad,  
that ain’t no consolation prize, that’s something to fucking hold  
with as much value as it deserves and hell, that shit is fucking gold.  
I’m sorry that you wanted more, I’m sorry I answered that night,  
but it happened the way it happened, no time machine to set right  
the wrongs you suffered, at least in your head, and maybe it’s time to say  
that no matter what mighta been, this is how it is, and how it’s gonna stay.  
Let go, bro, stop fighting for a cause you already lost  
because look at yourself. Great friends, great girl, what the fuck is the cost  
of just letting this one thing pass you by? Of just accepting he’s only your friend?  
It’s hurting you more than it’s making things better. Time to just let it end."

Dave stared at him, and then snorted, giggled, and burst out laughing, covering his face with one hand. Once he had calmed down he shook his head and waved his hands between them. "Did we seriously just rap this out? Is that what seriously happened? Because holy fuck we’re meant to be cool and shit and we just rapped about our feelings like two admittedly radical little girls."

"We’re cool as fuck." Bro replied, relaxing at the fact Dave no longer sounded upset. "Hey, you weren’t gonna fucking talk to me, I didn’t want us to use swords. It was a solution. Words were our weapons."

" _Words were our weapons._ " Dave repeated, in awe. "Holy fuck, is this the level we’re at now? I can’t even tell if this is irony anymore or if we are seriously out the other side. Shit got so ironic we caused a singularity and now who fucking knows where the irony ends and the dorky shit begins?"

"Its not your actions that matter, its the intent behind them. Irony is in your heart, Dave. Embrace it."

"I am embracing it, Bro, and it’s making me feel even gayer than I already was."

Their smiles dropped off after a few moments of nothing, and Dave looked away, adjusting his shades on his nose. "Okay, so." He mumbled, more nervous that defensive. "You made better points than I wanted you to, and I need to think this shit over, okay? Give me some time to work stuff out. I meant what I said though, I'm getting fucking sick of it being right there all the time, you've gotta give me a break."

"And I was serious when I said I'll try and give you more room, kid. I'm not doing this to spite you, if you'd told me that was your problem we could've sorted it, man." Bro ruffled his hair and Dave flinched and swatted at him. "Look, I'll talk to John about it, you talk to John about it, we'll sort this mess out, okay? I trust you to do the right thing, by yourself if no one else."

Dave stepped out of his reach and gave a curt nod, officially bringing their conversation to a close. Bro watched him slouch back to the others, but after a moment of hesitation, the younger Strider went and sat next to Terezi on the couch, her broad smile and the way she snuggled up to him visible even at distance.

He smiled to himself and headed for his room, hands in his pockets as he wandered the corridors lost in thought. Now he was remembering everything, and it was fond and regretful and happy and sad, and all of it felt perfect and all of it hurt. He locked the door to his room behind him when he reached it, sitting heavily on the edge of his barely used bed and ejecting Lil' Cal into his hands.

"Hey, bro." He murmured, looking him over. He remembered making the outfit for him, the way he kept stabbing himself with the needle and fucking up the stitches and ended up screaming down the phone to Roxy that he never wanted to see another spool of thread in his life. It inspired him, though, once it was done. He had a talent. A month or two later he'd made his first complete prototype of what became a smuppet, and that had led him to a pretty damn decent life. It all came back to this outfit, and this puppet, and one stupid project to make him look like the biggest asshole he'd ever known.

He smiled, and glanced up to his eyes, searching them as he set him down to sit on his knees.

"So. I told John's Dad about you today." He said aloud, pausing with the imagined voice that answered him. "No, nothing bad. Stuck to the good shit, and there was a lot of good shit, whatever you'd say."

His smile faltered, and he squeezed his best bro in his hands, eyes stinging a little.

"Shit's cool, for once. I think it's gonna work out this time, dude. I hope wherever the fuck you are, things are going as well for you." He paused, laughed softly. "No, you're right. I don't give a shit. Of course I don't, lil’ man."

Bro shrugged, pulling him a little closer. "Don't matter, you're lil' now, and that's that. I'll call you what I want, bro."

He shook, and the stinging grew stronger as he dragged him into a hug, and held him tightly, closing his eyes.

"I miss you, Cal." He mumbled, soothed by the long arms around him, and the silent but gentle reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is nearly 17k weeps
> 
> But Strider raps so AWWWW YIS


	107. ==> John: Have A Reality Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This might not end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY CHERUBS! I spent way too long making a [lineup of the characters](http://khemi.tumblr.com/post/49183395152/edit-click-through-hi-res-is-now-working) including some info about them so pls go look! It's the headcanons in play in NLT and hopefully some of the facts will amuse you.
> 
> This is one of those chapters I struggled with and I hope it came out okay.
> 
> Yeeeeah. John, man. John.

Bro didn't reappear after his conversation with Dave. The younger Strider did, and although John expected him to return to sitting with him, Dave instead sauntered straight past and collapsed next to Terezi. She beamed and snuggled up to him, slurping her tongue up his cheek with a quiet comment about having been waiting to get her taste of cherry coolkid.

John felt a tiny surge of jealousy that he quickly dismissed. Being jealous of Dave's girlfriend was totally _not_ a thing he was going to be! Nope. Not at all.

Dave turned to kiss her and he focused back on Rose as rapidly as he could.

"...so yes," she was saying, daintily sitting with one hand resting on her leg and her head on her girlfriend's shoulder, "I carried on helping Kanaya with her English, and she in turn helped me perfect my French. We had a few, small disagreements-"

"Rose insisted I begin using punctuation in my messages to her." Kanaya interjected, as an explanation.

"-Which we are still working on." Rose chuckled, smiling up at her. "I will someday break you of your habit of capitalising everything, Kanaya."

"I quite like my unique syntax. Besides, I thought you found it endearing?"

"Perhaps I do."

"I know you do."

The girls smiled at each other with their usual, knowing looks, and Jade clapped, apparently having enjoyed the story so far. "Oh my gosh, that's so sweet! You two helping each other learn and just being so... helpful! Rose went to visit you this year, right?"

"Why yes, she visited after Christmas." Kanaya smiled fondly. "I enjoyed showing her all the delights of the city, and introducing her to my mother. _Maman_ was a little... unsure, at first, of the idea I had formed a romantic attachment over the internet. I think that meeting Rose allayed many of those fears. She has always been such a protective woman."

"She is the most fearsome childminder I have ever met." Rose observed, with a nod of agreement. "I think she would take off your hand if you attempted to seize a child in her care. She and I seem to have formed an accord, however, and I find her quite a lovely conversational partner."

"Rose made the babies little outfits to make them look like some sort of..." Kanaya paused. " _Chenille?_ "

"Caterpillar, dear."

"Ah! _Merci_ , yes, caterpillar. _Maman_ adored them."

Jade squealed, shifting eagerly forward on her knees, dislodging Karkat where he'd been quite comfortably leant against her. "Tell me there's pictures! Little caterpillar babies, tell me I can see that!"

"Let me go fetch my album." Rose replied, smiling and getting to her feet. As she swayed off, Kanaya chuckled.

" _Maman_ calls them _les larves_ now. She is so very proud of her young ones, as long as I can remember we have had babies in the house, and young children. I help her sometimes, and I make them clothes when I am trying new cuts and trims. It is a good use for a large house that would otherwise be quite empty."

"A house full of little children must be so cool! I grew up all alone, I would've loved to have so many friends." Jade paused, then asked insistently, "They are your friends, right? You must make friends with them! You're so nice, they must all love you."

"I am like a sister, they say. I am sister Kanaya, and _maman_ is always _maman_ to all of them, even though she is not. Yes, I recall Rose told me you grew up alone, Jade. It must have been difficult."

"Well I had Grampa when I was little! But after that Bec looked after me. He's a good dog." She smiled broadly, bouncing in place. "And now I live with John and Dad and I have Karkat too! It's the best, especially when it means we get to come and visit everyone else! You guys are all so much fun."

"I quite agree. It has been lovely meeting all of you."

Jade looked around for murmurs of agreement and got them, from most of the group, although Karkat remained quiet. She stared at him until her smile dropped to a frown, and she nudged his shoulder, before folding her arms and glaring.

"What?" He growled, glancing up from the floor.

"We were _saying_ it's been nice meeting everyone, Karkat. Don't you think it has?"

"I guess. It got me out of the house at least." He shrugged, avoiding her gaze. "You guys aren't quite as big a set of fucking douchebags as I usually have to deal with."

"Wow, that's going a bit far, don't you think? No need to get overly emotional, Karkles. I'm touched." Dave snorted as Karkat turned and punched his leg, kicking back at him. "Hey, this whole meeting up thing is pretty cool. I mean, it's not like I'm on my own back home, but some of you guys were my first friends, and then me and you Karkles, we've got something special."

"Fuck you."

"See? I can just hear the bromance."

Karkat stayed quiet for a few moments, then in a more subdued voice mumbled, "It's been nice actually visiting people and knowing I can do it again, that I'm not going to have to fuck off into the sunset and lose all of you. That doesn't happen a lot with me. I think if visits like this became a regular thing it would be fucking great, actually."

"Oh wow, we should totally do that!" Jade exclaimed, making her boyfriend jump. "We should do this every year! This is the second year we've all met up-" She gestured between herself and Dave and John and waved vaguely at the stairs to symbolize Rose. "-and you guys all made it even better! I think even when we've moved out and things we should still meet up like this, to make sure we never stop seeing each other. Don't you agree?"

"I think that would be wonderful." Kanaya replied, and Karkat nodded. Dave shrugged.

"I think that shit is practically mandatory, Harley, I mean how would you all survive a whole year without getting your dose of Strider swag?"

"Strider swag?" Terezi repeated, jabbing him in the ribs. "You keep telling me about this legendary swag, I'm yet to actually see it!"

"Hey, babe, I made you swoon."

"...On the third attempt."

"Hey look, Rose is back." Dave said swiftly, as Jade opened her mouth for more details. "Caterpillar babies, Harley, think of the caterpillar babies."

Rose stepped around her girlfriend and settled back against her, offering the book she had brought back with her out to Jade. The taller girl took the book and before he could object she had swung an arm around Karkat and dragged him close to her to look. Terezi slid off the couch to kneel on her other side, and the girls both gave little shrill noises as they looked through the photographs, Karkat grumbling in agreement whenever Jade started asking him if he thought they were as cute as she clearly did.

After a while, John moved over to have a look too, and as soon as he did Jade was grabbing him and dragging his head to the page like he couldn't possibly appreciate the images from more than an inch away. He laughed and wriggled out of her grip, and sat and looked at the little colourful bundles, settling in with a contented smile spreading across his face.

.:.

"Yo, John."

He looked around at Dave from where he'd been saying goodnight to Jade, smiling at the Texan as Dave awkwardly shifted from foot to foot, hands shoved into his pockets. "You got a second, man? I need to talk to you."

"Sure, Dave! What do you want to talk about?"

Dave opened his mouth, then closed it again as Rose and Kanaya called goodnight to them, his cheeks reddening slightly. "Uh. Not here, okay? Can we go somewhere more private?"

Though he was a little confused, he nodded, and Dave led the way over to the same spot Bro had disappeared towards with him earlier. They stopped, and Dave took a long, deep breath, before turning to face him and trying to look determined.

"We've gotta stop."

"Stop what?" John asked curiously, not really sure what there _was_ to stop. Dave fidgeted, and even through the glasses John knew the shorter man was avoiding his gaze, his smile faltering. Oh no. _Oh no._

"Stop... _this_ , okay? Us. Look I know I was fucking encouraging it, but... yeah. No. It was stupid and we’ve gotta cut it out because all it’s doing is hurting people and I don’t want that, and I’m pretty sure you don’t either."

John blinked at him, mouth open, chest feeling abruptly tight. It took him a moment to mentally catch up, and then he gave a nervous laugh. "What? But I thought it was fine, I mean it’s not like anyone else-"

"Okay, stop right there because I am not going to go full Vantas on you, but you’re wrong." Dave swallowed, cheeks flushed, hands leaving his pockets to gesture along with his words like he did when he got nervous. "It _is_ affecting other people and it’s stupid and it’s selfish and I am just as shocked as you are that these words are leaving my mouth, trust me, because I was pretty fucking sure that was me and you for life, but no. I had a... a wake up call, and it made me realise that this isn’t helping how I feel, it’s making me feel worse, and it’s upsetting Rez whether she wants to admit it or not, and earlier Bro said to my face that it’s getting to him.” He stopped, looking at John expectantly to check for any kind of reaction, but all the taller man did was drop the weak grin and look at Dave with slightly widened eyes. Dave shrugged, pushing his hands back into his pockets and continuing. “Look. I don’t know how you feel about shit but right now, I don’t think it would change anything. I care about Rez a fucking lot, John, I love that girl, and holy shit I don’t want to hurt her just so I can have some stupid fun with my brother’s fucking boyfriend."

"...oh." John replied lamely after a brief pause, uncomfortably scratching the back of his neck. "Oh, I-"

"If you actually fucking love Bro, you’d feel the same, right?” Dave asked quietly, interrupting his half thought-out response, sounding hopeful and gentle to the point he seemed almost desperate not to hurt his best friend with his words. When John didn’t reply, he sighed, looking the blue eyed boy straight in the eyes, voice lower and serious, the lightness now gone completely. “You can’t want to carry on doing this when you know it’s making him feel like shit, dude. Look, I would rather you as my best bro and happy with him than fucking around with me and ending up messing everything up with Bro because of it. It sucks that I missed my chance with you, yeah, but I missed it, and it’s time I fucking manned up and admitted that.” The blonde straightened up, rubbing one arm and looking around before turning back to John, briefly sheepish and hesitant. “Thanks for giving me, like, some messed up chance to kind of be with you, but I’m cool with it now, John." He assured him, then took a deep breath, sounding nothing but certain when he continued, "I guess in the end, this is me choosing Rez."

There was an ache in John’s heart and a stinging in his nose, and he looked away, folding his arms tightly over his chest. The silence between them was tense and awkward, and Dave groaned, reaching out to put hand on his shoulder.

"John, come on, it’s not that bad. You get Bro and I mean, we’ll still be friends and shit, right?"

"Whatever." John mumbled, pushing his hand away. "It’s fine. I don’t even care."

Before Dave could say anything else John had pushed past him, and he heard the Texan start mumbling to himself as he moved rapidly towards the corridor his room was down, hands shaking by his sides. This was stupid! He shouldn’t feel this bad! It wasn’t even like Dave was his boyfriend, they’d messed around a few times and flirted a lot online and that was it!

But it felt like it had done when Karkat broke up with him. It hurt and that was stupid and he was angry at himself that he couldn’t make the feeling go away.

He was halfway to his room when he found his ex-boyfriend himself standing on tiptoe trying to coax Seb down from on top of one of the high light fixtures that dotted the walls. Karkat cursed and muttered and held up his arms, and Seb poked at them with his foot, shaking his small head.

"Holy fucking shit, I just want to go to bed, please just come down?" Karkat grimaced, making little grabbing motions. "I’m sorry if I upset you but you know I can’t fucking understand you, please come down and you can draw me a picture or something, okay?"

Seb hesitated, then shifted around the light fitting and jumped down into Karkat’s arms, settling onto his shoulder as soon as Karkat moved him to sit there. "Thank you. Come on, let’s head to-"

Karkat stopped talking when he turned and saw John, who was well aware he was bordering on crying. The shorter man took a step back, opening his mouth carefully, but before he could talk John had blurted out, "Dave broke up with me."

Karkat closed his mouth again, frowning, eyebrows low in a vaguely irritated expression. John scuffed his sneaker on the floor before he carried on, "It’s so stupid! He’s acting like it’s terrible and it’s not, it was just dumb fun, Terezi said she was fine with it and it isn’t hurting Bro and-"

"John." Karkat said warningly, but it was lost in the continued stream of words.

"-I feel awful now, this really hurts! It shouldn’t hurt but it does and he’s just being horrible and stupid and-"

" _John._ "

"-I haven’t even done anything wrong and he was acting like we’ve been really bad, and we haven’t, and he’s just being such an _idiot_ and I hate it and-!"

"John, shut _up_!" Karkat shouted, volume rising abruptly, and John’s growing tantrum stopped dead in its tracks. "Holy shit, _no_! You do _not_ get to be fucking mad about this you _stupid selfish asshole!_ "

The taller man stared at him in confusion, stung by the outburst. "What?" He started, a little angry. "Kar, I’m not-!"

"No! You are going to _shut up_ and _listen_. I told them someone else should talk to you, but you know what? Fuck that. Maybe you _need_ me ramming reality down your stupid throat before you’re going to snap the fuck out of it."

John opened his mouth again, and Karkat jammed a finger against his chest, bristling up at him with burgundy eyes bright with fury. "You," The short man said coldly, through gritted teeth, "Are a selfish, ungrateful, insecure _cunt_ , and you have been so obsessed with yourself that you have literally let everyone around you suffer and wilt and not given a single flying _fuck_ about how they feel or what you’ve been doing to them." He pulled his hand back to jab John again, harder, volume climbing again. "Do you not _get_ that you’ve been messing with Dave to the point you’re breaking his fucking heart? Do you not get that this fucking bullshit you were pulling with him was wrecking him inside? John I am fucking _glad_ he got up the cocksucking guts to say enough is enough. You were promising something he could never really have, and it was killing him, you idiot! This isn’t a break up, because there was never a fucking thing to break in the first place! It’s always been broken, and you and him were just being too stupid or selfish to see that!"

John took a step back as Karkat moved forward, leaning away as the shorter man leant in with face twisted in his rage. "I don’t care what _you_ think this is, I don’t care if you thought it was harmless, it _wasn’t_ , it was taking a fucking dying donkey in the middle of the shitting desert and dangling the most fucking amazing carrot just beyond where it can reach so it writhes and struggles for your fucking _amusement_. You _made_ your choice and right now the only person person who still doesn’t seem to get that is _you_!"

Karkat clenched his hands into fists that shook at his sides as his eyes darted back and forth, frustration and anger and upset all mixing across his face. "I have been listening to you complain for _months_ about how _hard_ it is for you and how it all _hurts_ and I have fucking _had it_ with you! ‘Oh no, yet _another_ guy is interested in me, Karkat, what do I do, it just isn’t the _same_!’" He simpered, in a rough impression of John’s voice. "‘Oh no, the guy who _told me to date other people_ is being a tiny bit distant, how will I go on fucking living!’ It’s been _pathetic!_ You’re so eager to come running to me when you have some minor imagined wrong committed again you, but you’ve never even _once_ listened to me, when I had a problem! John, I’m fucking _moving this year_. John, my father got drunk and _attacked me_. John, maybe as your fucking _ex-boyfriend_ I don’t like you fucking _flirting_ with me! None of that even _mattered_ to you! Fuck you! I am _done_ with listening, John, I am done with listening and this your last chance to fucking hear me out before I just give up on your shit once and for all."

John swallowed but decided to remain silent, and Karkat sighed heavily, taking a deep breath before he spoke with a firm voice, clearly attempting to control his anger. "Dave is in love with you, even though he fucking shouldn’t be, and it _hurts him._ John, you got with his brother and gave him a _golden fucking opportunity_ to get over you, but no! You and him, you had to have this weird fucking _thing_ , this friend-dating shit, and it’s _bullcrap!_ It’s a way to avoid the really simple fucking choice that he has to make and _you already made, you stupid cunt!_ " The short man paused, pulling his voice down from the loud heights it had begun to reach. "The ring on your finger you’re so eager to flash in people’s faces? That’s a fucking _commitment_ , and holy shit it’s been a few _days_ and you’re already casually breaking that fucking promise whenever you fucking want!"

John clutched at his hand, fingers closing around his engagement ring, cheeks heating up as he tried to think of excuses to escape what Karkat was saying. His first attempts had barely reached his tongue when they were cut off by the renewed rant, Karkat’s arms flinging out wide. "Dave has a fucking _incredible_ girlfriend who just wants him to be happy, and you’re taking advantage of that, both of you are, so you can mess around and feel like it’s guilt free! _Well it’s not!_ She’s is pain and so is _your goddamn cocksucking fiance_ , who I swear you are shitting well forgetting exists sometimes for all you were so desperate to see him again! Dave is your _best friend,_ John! You best bro. If you actually gave a single _shit_ about him, _let alone_ really loved him, you would _back the fuck off_ and give him the space he needs to move on, and heal his broken fucking heart, without you picking at the seams every time he tries to stitch it back together!"

"I never meant to hurt Dave-" John mumbled insistently, and from the way Karkat’s eyes widened and his lip curled he knew instantly it had been the wrong thing to say.

"Of _course_ you didn’t mean to fucking hurt him, because you’ve been so fixed on your own fucking interests you’ve never even stopped long enough to _want_ to hurt anyone! You haven’t given enough of a _shit_ about them to _decide_ to hurt them, you’ve just gone thundering through, stepping on them and and crushing them without even noticing they were underfoot!" Karkat grabbed his shoulders, dragging him down so their heads were level as John lamely protested and clutched at his wrists. "Dave is fucking _collateral damage_ to you, and that’s _worse_ than if you’d been _trying_ to hurt him! You’re so carefree about everything, about pushing this shit with him, you don’t seem to get that it is a _major part of his fucking life_ and he is _breaking down_ because he can’t let it go _or_ embrace it. He’s stuck wanting you and _almost_ getting you, but never, ever enough." Karkat shook him in time with the last three words, and John flinched. "He never _will_ get you enough, because oh wait, you’re not his! You decided on Bro, John, _on Bro_ , and holy shit I know they’re pretty similar but _learn the fucking difference_ and stick to being with _your actual fiance_ you asslicking _dick_!"

John flinched away, uncomfortable and feeling queasy from the guilt and upset fluttering about in his stomach. He wanted to say something, _anything_ , but nothing came, and it left him standing there with his gaze on the floor as Karkat let go of him.

"You know what? While we’re here, as this is my last fucking attempt to get through to any of you and we’re just throwing _everything_ under the fucking bus at this point, have you even actually _spoken_ to your _fucking Dad_ recently?" Karkat waited for a second, and John shrugged, getting a sharp poke to the ribs in response. "You know, John, the man who selflessly raised you all your fucking life and who cherishes you more than anything else in the goddamn world, who you seem pretty eager to just shitting well discard like yesterday’s fucking papers?"

"Um... I mean, I-"

"Stop. Don’t bother answering, John, because you fucking haven’t." It was stated with finality, and any continued protests died in John’s throat, his face falling into guilty unease. " _I_ have spoken to _your_ father more than _you_ have, and do you know what? He might be a _tiny fucking bit upset_ that his son is pushing him away, you stupid cunt. He’s been trying fucking _hard_ to accept the shit you have with Strider, in case you head was so far up your ass that you missed that fact, and it’s been difficult but holy shit has that man been trying to be open fucking minded. The problem is he’s been so fucking _soft_ with you he’s let you morph into _an utter selfish stupid cocksucking motherfucker_ who needs to _get his priorities straight_ and remember he actually has _friends and a father_ who he’s _meant to give a shit about too!_ "

Karkat panted, and John blinked at him, feeling empty, and he couldn’t bring himself to speak as Karkat slumped a little, closing his eyes. "I _get_ that Dave lives far away and it’s mostly been text, and maybe you haven’t seen how badly you’re messing with him until now, but you have _no_ excuse with Dadbert, asshole. He’s been right _there_ , trying to talk to you, trying to _understand_ you, and your response has been to thrust a metaphorical middle finger up at his face and tell him to go to hell. John, this isn’t even about you putting your fucking boyfriend first, this about you literally ceasing to give a shit about _everyone_ but yourself, and I’m actually sorry I waited so long to call you up on it because maybe it could have stopped, maybe I could have got _you_ back, but I was so convinced you’d come out of it yourself I left it and left it until you stopped being fucking _recognisable._ " The shorter man opened his eyes, and looked up at him, face setting firmly. "John, when we met, you were _great_. You were fucking _fantastic._ You were a decent person and you cared a lot about everyone, and I _miss you_ , you cocksucking _asshole_. I miss the person you were and I am shitting well praying that this... this _phase_ you’re in is just _that_ , and that this isn’t actually _you_ now, this isn’t the person you’re always going to be. I want _John_ back, the John you _were_ , and if he’s gone, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep trying to put up with you every day when everything that made us friends is getting fainter and fainter and I can’t even _see_ most of it anymore."

"Don’t do this." He managed, voice a pleading whisper, and Karkat grimaced.

"Get your head out of your fucking ass, John, and maybe I won’t have to."

With that and a little head bob of agreement from Seb, Karkat was walking past him, and John spent a while just staring into air, blinking, stung and more upset than angry. He faltered when he took his first step, then ran to his room, shutting the door and collapsing on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. He... He hadn’t been _that_ bad, had he? Well he knew he’d been pretty preoccupied for the last few months but it wasn’t like he’d _totally_ ignored everyone! And him and Dad talked all the time!

At least... they said good morning... and sometimes Dad said he was proud of him.

Oh no.

He groaned and slid sideways, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. So Dave had sort of broken up with him but not really, and now Karkat didn’t want to be his friend, and that was after pointing out what a spectacular asshole he’d been to Dave and Bro and Terezi and Dad and Karkat himself and- Ugh. This was a really, really bad day. He wished Bro had actually stayed around so he could be hugging him now, but he knew him well enough to know the door to his room would be locked and he’d probably be asleep by now, if he hadn’t absconded to the roof or something. He just wanted a _hug_ , God dammit.

He patted across his bedside table until his hand fixed around Lil Bro, and then he tugged the smuppet over, sitting it on his chest and looking at it sadly. It stared back, and after an awkward silence with the puppet he tugged it further up himself, to his shoulder, wrapping his arms over it and squeezing it tight enough it let out a soft squeak. The noise was bizarrely comforting, and he almost smiled, the corners of his mouth twitching before they fell back into a frown.

He felt terrible.

He _was_ terrible.

John sighed and shut his eyes, trying not to focus too hard on what Karkat had said, even though it kept repeating in his head. What hurt most was it was all probably _true_ , he was being a total dick to _everyone_ , and he didn’t even know what to do about it! He’d thought he was being fine, so how would he know if he was acting better... or worse? How would he know if he was actually improving at all?

He squeezed the smuppet again, though weaker this time, stifling a yawn. He should talk to Bro! And Dad. And Dave, without storming off this time. He would totally sit them down and say he was sorry and then everything would be totally fine! Totally... fine.

Totally...

He opened his eyes to the sound of crashing waves.

John stared up at the grey clouds above him, feeling a little flutter of panic in his chest, then sat up, hands down on the slippery rock he was lying on. The sea crashed and broke in huge sprays of white in front of him, and instinctively he shuffled backwards, remembering the last time he had been here. So he was dreaming again? He had to be. It felt so real, though, and as he ran his hand over the wet rock and raised it to look at the cold dampness on his palm the disjointed feeling in his head only increased.

It felt real, smelt real, sounded real. He’d never had dreams this vivid, before.

”You look lost, John.”

He jumped and looked to his side, the young woman he had saved from the sea sitting daintily beside him with her legs tucked in under her, her eyes still milky holes. He went to jerk back and she caught his arm, held it lightly, frowning up at him.

”Please, calm down.” She said soothingly, tugging his arm forwards and patting it comfortingly with her other hand. “I’m not going to hurt you, am I? This is a dream. I hardly believe a young man like you would really be afraid of me just because of my eyes.”

John hesitated, and she smiled encouragingly, looking less horrifying without her hair whipping around her head and those weird, dead eyes so wide. He calmed enough she seemed satisfied, and she let his arm go with a gentle squeeze. “That’s better. It’s perfectly alright to be afraid of your dreams - in fact some other dreams I would outright encourage it! But not this one. You don’t have to be afraid of me, John. I only want to help you.”

”Uh. Thank you for that, strange blue dress lady.” He said slowly, and she laughed, eyes moving in a way he distinctly felt was her rolling them at him.

”You are welcome, whether or not that thanks was sincere." She paused, then in a softer voice she repeated, "You look lost, John."

He stared at her, then shrugged, leaning back and ending up lying on the rocks with his hands behind his head to keep his head a little up from their jagged, uncomfortable surface. "Well I don't know where this even is, so _duh_."

"That isn't what I meant." The woman replied kindly, apparently not perturbed by his weak snark. "Sometimes if something is bothering you, the best thing to do is talk about it. You know, we don't always even know what we are really thinking until we listen to ourselves try to put voice to those thoughts. You look lost, John. You feel it, too."

"I'm not lost. I just... have to talk to some people, and I don't know what to say." John admitted, watching the clouds swirling in the sky.

"Try just speaking the truth."

"You don't even know what the talk is about!"

"No, but the truth is always the best place to start." He rolled his head to look at her, her fingers distractedly tracing the faint silver webs that criss-crossed the skirt of her dress as she spoke. "If these conversations mean that much to you, then no one can just tell you what to say, John. You have to find the words yourself, and I am sure if you just take the time to think about it, you will find just the right ones."

”I’ve never been good with words, though.”

”I think you would be surprised what you can accomplish if you just have a little faith in yourself. Think positively! If you convince yourself you will fail, it will only turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.“ She spoke quite matter-of-factly, and John looked back upwards as he listened, wriggling to try and get comfortable and grimacing as the rocks dug into his back. “If you mean well and you do your best, then I am certain you will succeed.” He stretched, and as he did his feet were suddenly pushing against something soft, snagging in fabric, and the next blink of his eyes left him staring up at a familiar ceiling, the sounds of waves gone and replaced with the distant hum of a city, muted by glass and brick.

John sat up, confused, looking around Bro’s bedroom, still just like it had the last time he’d been in it. Everything was in place, right down to the glasses left on the bedside table like the man himself was going to return at any minute, and he ran a hand over the covers of the bed he and the blue woman were sitting on, though her expression and tone hadn’t changed when she continued, “Just be sure to be clear, think about what you’re saying, and to listen to the people you are talking to! A conversation should never be one sided.”

”Um.” He glanced around again, as she stayed simply smiling at him. “Yeah, I... I guess you’re right.” Slowly, he relaxed back down, settling onto the soft covers and feeling a little warm buzz at the familiar surroundings. “I haven’t really thought about it much, though! I mean I only had reality ‘rammed down my throat’ pretty recently. Maybe I’ll feel better when I do?”

”I expect you will, yes. Maybe you should think about it now, John. You have plenty of time.”

”I guess-” He rolled his head to the side, but the bed was empty, and he sat up to look around for her before he frowned at the space where she had been. “Oh. Okay then. Guess you meant alone.” John mumbled, shoulders drooping a little. The company had been strange, but it was still nice to be with someone who wasn't shouting at him, or pointing out uncomfortable truths. She had actually made him feel better, he realised as he thought over what she'd said.

He groaned and lay down, looking at the ceiling for a moment before he rubbed the balls of his hands over his eyes, thoughts growing sluggish and disjointed as the noise died off completely with a slight fade like his head had been pushed under water. He slowly lowered his hands, and the bedroom around him was now his, in the mansion, dimly lit with the first rays of dawn and filled with muffled quiet.

He distractedly pinched himself, and it hurt, the room not changing. Satisfied he was awake, he unsteadily pushed himself up, Lil Bro sliding off of his chest, grumbling and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he sat up and folded his legs, resting his elbows on his knees afterwards and then glumly putting his chin on his hands. So. Thinking about what to say. That was a thing that he needed to do. It was stuck in the forefront of his mind, even as the driving force behind it faded into murky half-remembered fragments that would all too soon be forgotten completely.

He just remembered he was planning on thinking through what he might say... and that he should start with the truth.

What _was_ the truth?

That he was a stupid dick, apparently.

Well, no, it was that he was a dick but he wasn’t _trying_ to be. He hadn’t meant to be. It was the fact that now he was realising how he’d been acting, he wanted to _stop_ being that way. But how did he stop? He didn’t know! What had he been doing that was so _bad?_

Well there was the Dave stuff... and just plain ignoring Dad... and being so selfish to Karkat...

And somehow simultaneously being too clingy and too dismissive with Bro.

Oh.

That was quite a lot of bad things, actually.

John groaned and glanced down at the smuppet, which looked back at him with judgement in its glossy, false eyes, just visible behind the glasses Bro had made. He sighed, picking it up and looking it over, like it would somehow grant him inspiration from the felt-clad smuppet gods.

It did not. He grumbled and settled it in his lap.

So. He guessed the only person who was going to give him any inspiration was himself. With little else to do, John shut his eyes, started with the truth, and did his best to build from there.

.:.

It took him a few false starts to actually work up the courage to knock on Bro's door. Hours had passed of him rolling around on the bed thinking things through, and he finally knew what he wanted to say, even if he still wasn't entirely sure how best to say it. He knew enough that he wanted to actually _act_ though. Thinking was fine, but until he actually started putting his thoughts into practise, they were hardly doing much good.

He knocked, and waited, and after a brief pause Bro's voice called the door was open, so John took a deep breath, then walked in, shutting it softly behind him. The Texan was sat in his black vest and jeans, working on something small and metallic, held up on a stand in front of him. As John padded up, Bro gave him a slight smile, nodding forward at what John could now see was a hand, no bigger than a child's.

"Whaddaya think?" Bro asked him, tapping away at his phone and making each finger stretch and curl in turn. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"I still can't believe you can make this stuff." John replied in awe, watching the small limb curl into a fist and then give him a thumbs up. "It looks amazing! What do you need it for, though? It's way too small for Dirk."

"It's for Seb."

"The rabbit?"

"The rabbit is temporary, John." Bro shrugged one shoulder, placing some scrap metal in the hand and then making it crush it, examining the twisted remains after he made the fingers drop it to the desk. "Dirk is better at programming than he is at building, so he asked me for help with Seb's body and it's gonna take a while. He finished programming him pretty quick, though, so we made the rabbit so the little dude could move around and shit, rather than be stuck as a pair of glasses."

"Oh! Wow, that's really cool." John looked at the hand more closely, certain it would only fit on a little kid, wondering what the rest of the body would look like as he asked, "Why a rabbit, though?"

"'Cause it was that or a fucking puppy, and I wasn't letting Dirk have a puppy. We made the rabbit so Seb was at least kinda humanoid, and it worked out pretty well, considering."

"He can't talk, though." John observed, and Bro snorted, fiddling with his phone and then showing John a screen filled with zeroes and ones.

"Oh he can talk. You just can't understand him. He likes talking in binary, wants to save 'real words and letters' for his first time talking in his finished body." Bro scrolled through the wall of numbers, shaking his head. "Most of this is about Kitkat- _Karkat_ , even. Hasn't stopped telling me and Dirk about him since Christmas Day."

"They're best bros."

"Oh trust me, John, I am _well_ fucking aware."

John watched the taller man toss his phone back onto the desk and lean back, running a gloved hand back through his hair. Bro looked tired now he actually took the time to look at him. Tired and with a slight redness to his eyes, a slight slump to his usually proud shoulders. John frowned and lightly put his hand on one of them, making Bro blink and look up to him with another small smile.

"Are you okay, baby?" John asked softly, and Bro sighed.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I had an emotional old man moment yesterday, John." He spread his hands, snorting. "I was getting all sentimental for the good old days when there weren't so many damn kids on my lawn and the music was decent and shit."

"Pfff, you're not _that_ old! I wish you wouldn't say that so much."

"I'm old enough." Bro mumbled back, and John frowned and moved forward, hopping down to sit on his lap and making him give a startled oof! Bro rolled his eyes as the younger man looped his arms around his neck, though he put his arms back around John in turn. "Hey, you can look at me like that all you like," He said flatly, as John bordered on pouting at him. "Won't make me any younger."

"You're as young as you feel."

"That doesn't really help right now."

John sighed and moved a hand to cup his cheek, feeling the rough scrape of stubble where Bro apparently hadn’t shaved. He leant up and Bro met him halfway, resting their foreheads together and closing his eyes.

”John,” Bro began finally, voice quiet. “We need to talk.”

”I know.” He answered, a little too quickly, glad that he hadn’t had to think of a way to start this sort of conversation. “Can I go first?” Bro raised an eyebrow as he opened his eyes again, and John blushed as he added, “I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to say and I really want to get it out.”

”Sure. You comfortable telling me shit there, or you actually wanna move to a grown-up seat?”

”Your lap is comfy.”

”Whatever you say.” Bro ruffled his hair affectionately, straightening in the seat and leaving John missing the warm contact of his skin. “Go on, then. You’ve got my full attention.”

”Okay.” Okay? Well, this was happening! He took a deep breath, hoping the words would be there for him if he just thought about what he needed to say. “I’m... sorry.” Wow, great start! He winced, before continuing as confidently as he could, “Bro, I’m sorry. I’ve been really, really stupid about a lot of things and I don’t want to be, anymore. Um. I love you. I really, really do, and I know that being stupid and messing around like I have been isn’t exactly what I... should be doing.” John sighed, hunching in a little. “Look, you told me to date other people, and I just... couldn’t, in the end, because none of them were you, and it’s you that I actually want. I didn’t want Kar and I didn’t want any of them... and I don’t want Dave.” He finished, voice muted, head dipped in nervous shame. “I just want _you_ , Bro. Dave and Karkat are my best friends, but they’re not my _boyfriend_ , and they never will be, because I have the best fiance ever even though I’ve been a total ass to him, sometimes.”

”To be honest, you haven’t been half as much of an ass to me as you clearly think you have. That or I’m just used to even bigger dicks than you.”

”It’s probably the second one.” John smiled weakly, then frowned. “But... seriously, I said to Dave that I wanted to put you first, and he said that just saying I was going to do that because we’re together wasn’t good enough. That I had to actually mean it and have a reason, and... I do. I’m _choosing_ to put you first now because I _want_ to, and that means I’m going to actually live up to the commitment I promised you when I said yes to your clearly totally ironic in no way utterly romantic proposal. I’m not going to obsess about you - at least I’m going to try not to - but look. I tried seeing other people. You know I did. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I still want _you_ , Bro. I still love you. And I’m done experimenting now, with _everyone_.”

”You promise? ‘Cause I mean, this is it now, John. This is it. For reals.”

_”For reals.”_ John repeated, and Bro snorted.

”Shut up you little dick, you know what I mean. You’ve wormed your way into my kokoro and I wanna know that this time you’re gonna stay there, content in a bed of irony and plush rumps.”

”Bro, I am so content. I am settled there for life. No one is ever going to pluck me from my throne of soft fluffy Bro-ness again, especially not that stupid John Egbert being really stupid.”

”Oh yeah, better watch out for that asshole.” Bro gave something closer to a normal grin, and John relaxed a lot, smiling back. “Did you and Dave talk, or-?”

”He talked at me, and I stormed off like a totally mature adult, so I should probably go and talk back to him at some point and say I actually agree?”

”That might help, yeah.”

John nodded, head drooping as he mumbled, “I have to talk to Dad, too. Actually talk to him, not just brush him off. Wow, I don’t even know how to _start_ that conversation.”

”Try just saying ‘hey Dad. I want to talk to you.’ That dude is pretty fucking chill, John, he’s sat and listened to me ramble and I’m still not entirely sure I’m on any sort of friendly terms with him. He’s your Dad, he’s not going to turn you away and he’s not going to laugh at you or shit for wanting to talk to him. The straighter you are with him, the more he’ll appreciate it.”

Bro ruffled his hair again, leaning down to kiss his forehead, and John smiled up at him, feeling a little better. “Yeah. I guess that’s probably all I _can_ do, right? Just sit down with him and tell him what I want to say and hope it goes well?”

”That’s usually how it goes, John. Glad you’ve grasped how conversations work.” Bro smirked, but it quickly softened to a warm smile, his hand rubbing a comforting trail up and down John’s spine. “But yeah, talk to Dave, talk to your Dad. Let me know how it goes, if you want to. Whatever happens I’m here, and I mean, as long as you’re not a dick about it I’m pretty sure they’ll both be chill about it.”

”How did Dave take you talking to him? I still can’t believe you guys actually talked, that’s... _really_ not like you.”

There was a pause, and Bro scratched idly at his chin, mouth twisting into a slight frown. John raised a curious eyebrow at him, and the Strider waved his hand dismissively.

”...I’ll be honest, we didn’t so much _talk_ as we did trade some sicknasty rhymes, but eh. He wasn’t a little bitch about it, so I guess that counts as a good reaction.” John blinked, eyebrows shoot up in shock.

"Oh my god, _rhymes_? Did you guys _rap_?"

"How about we don't talk about that, John."

"How about we _do_! Wow, you guys are such massive, adorable dorks!" Bro opened his mouth to object, and John shooshed him, snickering. "No, no, don't argue. You're just... _precious_ , you both are, oh my God you _rapped_. When Dave spoke to me he was all mature and serious and I was worried you'd had some really tense coolguy talk, but nope!" He chuckled, papping Bro's cheek. "That would require you to be cool guys!"

"I am cool as fuck."

"Of course you are, sweetheart, just please, never change."

"I think I've changed enough for one lifetime, John." Bro replied softly, a weird tone to his words. He sighed, shrugging. "Okay, you actually beat me to most of what I was gonna say, but I guess I'll just add a couple of things." He held up his fingers, counting off on them as he continued, "The stuff with Dave hurt and I'm glad you dropped it but we've gotta both give him a little more space back 'cause his patience with us is wearing mighty thin sometimes. I've been thinking a lot about the whole... coming to stay thing, and I'm gonna stick to my guns here and say either you move when you're eighteen or older, or you better have a damn good reason and your Dad's permission, okay? You aren't going to rush into that."

"Holidays are still fine, right?" John asked nervously, and Bro chuckled, his mouth twitching into a smile.

"Fuck yes, stupid, I don't wanna go a year without you. I just want you to remember that you're still young enough your education and your family comes first."

"Look at you being all mature."

"Trust me, if we'd have tried to talk last night this conversation would've involved way more angst and tears." He looked away, staring into space as his forehead furrowed. "I've had a while to think this shit through, and sounds like you have too. Let's be thankful you're getting mature Bro, not whine like a baby and backflip off the handle Bro, okay?"

"Okay." John nudged him back to face him, nuzzling at his nose and smiling as the motion was returned. "Anything else?"

Bro nodded, holding John's gaze and sucking in a breath.

"I'm sorry for being such a weird, messed up boyfriend sometimes. We've both fucked shit up, and let's just agree to move on and try not to be so colossally weird about everything in future, yeah?"

"Yeah. Wow, we suck at having a normal relationship, don't we?"

"John, if you _ever_ thought this would be a normal relationship, you were pretty damn misinformed."

John laughed, snuggling up against the Strider's broad shoulder, sighing contentedly when big arms wrapped around him and squeezed him in a brief hug. He _was_ glad he'd got mature Bro. Mature Bro had made this all feel less terrible than it had when he was sitting on his own.

"What are we going to do now?" John asked, and Bro thoughtfully brushed his fingers through his fiance's soft curls, humming to himself.

"You could kiss me." He offered, gently tipping John's head towards him and smiling down at him. "And we could see how it goes from there. Try not to be a pair of dicks about it all this time."

"That works." John replied happily, shifting up to press his lips gently against Bro's waiting mouth as he inwardly hoped the other two talks would go just as well as this one.

He doubted it, but the worries could wait, for the moment.

Right now there was just his fiance, and a loving kiss that he would make last forever if he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't possibly make the other talks angsty!
> 
> Nope.
> 
> pFFFFF-
> 
> Also wow 500+ kudos and all those hits and comments I can't... I love you all for sticking with me and I'm so glad I worked up the courage to post this fic. Every kudos and comments means a lot to me, so bless you guys, and thank you for taking the time to talk to me and read my nonsense, and hopefully you'll keep on doing it, because wow. You guys rock. uwu


	108. ==> Bro: Cheer Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's just a fucking emotional roller-coaster right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there oh intrepid readers! It's a shiny chapter yes it is. You should do the reading thing. Yes. I've had a couple of comments recently that were just _ahhhh_ so I wanted to throw my love at you and say any of you who take the time to comment get all of the author thanks. All of it. Reading what you have to say really makes my day :')

John’s lips were soft as ever, Bro noted, cradling his boyfriend’s cheek - no, his _fiancé's_ , he corrected, smiling to himself into the kiss, much more at ease with the concept now. He turned his head slightly, ever so slowly deepening the embrace as he stroked the smooth skin beneath his palm. Deepening it didn’t take much effort anymore, a slight prod of a moist tongue against willing lips, and as they parted, John's arms wrapped around him, fingers digging a little into the fabric of his shirt.

It was a mile away from the first time they'd kissed in this house. A mile away from the soft, unsure waver of John's lips against his, and the way he had been up on the balls of his feet, trembling in the older man's grip. He could still remember it vividly, even though it felt a lifetime ago, in reality far too recent for comfort. Everything was different now, from the adult sounds that John murmured into his mouth to the confidence with which every motion was matched, right down to the fact Bro could just _accept_ this. That it wouldn't end with him shutting his door in a panic and figuratively screaming to Roxy that this wasn't a thing he could _do_.

He was more certain he _could_ do it, now - that _they_ could do it, together, whether or not other people would accept it, or if they could do it in _public_.

Bro took a sharp breath through his nose, abruptly filled with so much emotion he thought his chest would burst. It was the latest moment his emotions had turned on him, that he had verged on a freakout, but he held it in, kept the tight pressure in his chest, squeezing John closer in an almost desperate attempt to stay focused on him, on the kiss, and not to start dwelling yet again on more uncomfortable things.

John returned the new tightness in his own grip, kissed him harder, and it was everything he had needed. That threat of doubt in himself, any doubt in how much he loved the young man in his arms, was extinguished even before it began. He was suddenly absolutely certain, more even than in the totally non-existent moment when he had knelt in the snow, and even in the calm it brought him it woke up old wounds and the fears he was still trying to escape.

He was so scared of losing John, it physically hurt him, and just thinking about it brought a pain to his chest, a dull throb in his suddenly dry throat. He pulled back, feeling as if something was forcing the air out from inside of him, making his head spin, and he broke the kiss to stare intently into bright, perfect blue, pupils frantically searching for John’s own, despite them being right there, inches away from him. Despite knowing every detail of them and every small way John darted them and what made them shift size and all the other little things he couldn't help but obsessively memorize just like the inside of a watch.

In the moment he found them, he realized that he already missed John.

John was here in his arms, it was stupid, but... he couldn't help it. It was knowing he'd have to leave him again, it was knowing no matter how many visits they took it wouldn't by every day, it was preemptive and stupid but it was overwhelming, and he struggled to smile when John's face fell slightly and he cupped his rough cheeks, thumbs stroking away what couldn't possibly be a few tears he'd lost track of.

"We managed a whole twenty minutes of not being sad, Bro. I was kind of hoping for longer than that."

"Sorry." Bro whispered, leaning down to peck John’s lips, and he hugged him tight, hiding his face in John’s neck. "Sorry, I just... God, I love you so much, you know that?"

"Of course I do." John answered gently, as Bro took a few, deep breaths to calm himself down and cursed whatever kept making him feel this way. "Hey." John used his hands on his cheeks to tilt his face back up, looking at him with a little concern. "It's okay. You're allowed to have feelings, you know, you don't have to hide them."

Bro chuckled softly and turned into one of his hands, catching it and lightly kissing his fingers. "I was being mature Bro." He complained, and the younger man laughed, nuzzling at him.

"Yeah, well maybe right now you need to be the Bro that tells me what's up so I can help. Maybe that's what Bro you should be."

He shrugged, smiling half-heartedly. "I don't know what's up, John. I guess I'm just not looking forward to going home. The usual stupid shit, y'know? Not having you around is gonna suck a lot more this time 'round, and I mean it was sucking pretty hard already."

"Well it's not like we can't talk! And we'll be visiting each other, right? Plus you've got Lil John and Cal-" Ouch, right in recently exposed heart, even though he tried not show it on his face. "-to keep you company."

"I know, but they ain't you." Bro kissed his hand again, the ache in his chest much softer now. "I’m okay, John. I’ll deal. I’ve just been in a weird mood lately, guess it’s me getting all old and sentimental-"

"You’re not old." John repeated again, pursing his lips. "I just told you that. You’re great, Bro, you’re fine. Sentimental, sure, but not _old_."

"When we first started talking I bet you thought I was ancient." Bro observed, nudging him gently, and John chuckled, hands dropping to loop lazily around Bro’s neck.

"Maybe I did, but I was wrong. I think I literally got as far as realising you were Dad’s age and thinking that _had_ to be ancient, because I couldn’t cope with the idea my Dad isn’t even middle-aged yet - which he’s not, and which _you’re_ not." John put on a matter of fact face, explaining, "You’re still officially a young adult, and you will be for a few years. Look, see? The word ‘young’ is right there. Just because you’re not as young as me doesn’t mean you’re not still young at all, Bro."

"How do you even know that shit? That there’s a proper name for it? I thought I was just... grown up, or something."

"I know a lot of things." John said as mysteriously as he could manage, then snorted and sheepishly added, "Or, y’know. Rose could’ve told me that’s what it’s called a while ago when we were talking about you - but it totally doesn’t matter how I know it!" He countered, a little too late given he’d already shared how, "The point is that it’s true. Besides, I don’t think Mom or Dad would like it if you went around announcing you’re old! Isn’t Mom even older than you?"

"Well yeah, but..."

"But nothing." John poked his nose, gently. "You’re fine, Bro. Come on, you look great, you work out, you’re doing a job you tell me you love and you’re really talented at like, everything!"

"I’m not-"

"Rapper ninja DJ pornstar who builds robots for shits and giggles."

"Oh." He paused, mulled it over. "Okay, yeah, when you put it like that I sound pretty awesome."

"You _are_ awesome, and normally you know it! I mean okay I’m using the word ‘rapper’ loosely here, unless I get to add the word ‘dorky’ just before it, but the rest of it’s true." John laughed at the look Bro shot him, grinning more relaxedly as he leant closer and murmured, "I thought you were awesome from the first time I spoke to you. I mean, you didn’t know me. You didn’t have any reason to waste your time with me. I was just Dave’s stupid friend whining about a movie, and most people would’ve hung up on me and not cared, left Dave to deal with me. But you? You spent the whole night talking to me, putting up with my stupid shit, and even though I was a kid to you, you still decided to keep talking to me because you liked me, you didn’t let that get it the way. You became one of my best friends because you didn’t baby me or humour me, you were just yourself with me, and that... that was a pretty awesome thing for you to do."

"Awww. Look at you being all sweet. I thought I was the one who was meant to do the romanticizing."

John paused, raising an eyebrow at him. "I don’t think that word means what you think it does."

"John, you’re making me sound like a saint and I’m not a saint by a mile, so I think that word means exactly what I meant."

"I don’t have to romanticize you. I’m pretty sure you’re already great enough without me exaggerating about it." John kissed him, but this time it was light and chaste, a reassurance more than anything. "Are you feeling better now? You look less upset."

"I think I’ll live. Pretty sure I’ve lost feeling in my legs though, you ain’t light, John." He chuckled as John leapt up with a small apology, standing after him and ruffling the shorter man’s hair. "I’m not complaining. I like having you in my lap."

"Oh I bet you do." John responded, with a small quirk of his lips. Bro leant down to catch them, before pausing close to his ear.

"Actually, I’m pretty sure I’d be the one on your lap, if we’re gonna talk about _that_." He said in a low, rumbling voice, and he felt John’s shoulders tense, practically _felt_ his cheeks start radiating heat. Bro gave a barking laugh that made John jump as he straightened, and then his fiancé shoved him in the chest, glaring. "Hey, you started it."

"It’s that stupid voice you do! It always makes me- Bad Bro. You’re going to make me look like an idiot if I go out bright red and stammering."

"Oh, you think I could make you stammer?"

" _Bro-_ "

"Another time." He interrupted, patting his head. "Come on, we should do that thing where we’re sociable, and you still need to talk to people."

"I know, I know. I will do." John scuffed the side of his sneaker along the floor, then smiled. "I feel better now that I’ve spoken to you, and I mean, that’s made me feel less nervous about talking to them? I’m pretty sure I can do it now. I will do it! I have to."

"If it helps, I believe in you, and your powers of not being a dick."

"It does help, even if you’re almost being an asshole." John said sweetly, and Bro grinned back.

" _Almost._ But not quite."

They finally managed to actually head to the living room after Bro found his glasses, John holding his hand and ending up struggling to stop Bro trapping his thumb under his own, so by the time they actually got to the end of the corridor their arms were twisted up slightly and John was muttering little curses at him, Bro smirking and calmly continuing to catch John’s thumb every time it wriggled free.

They were so cool, he observed to himself, as John relented and let their hands drop with a huff. So very cool.

"Oh, hey, Dad-!" John took a step forward, but his voice didn’t carry up to the man who was vanishing from the stairs onto the floor above, Bro just catching a glimpse of him as John called. John sighed, then untangled his hand from Bro’s, giving him an apologetic smile. "I should go after him. Talk to him. That’s totally a thing I should do! Yeah. Um."

"You’ll be fine, John." Bro soothed, trying to end what was clearly threatening to become an evasive ramble. "Go on. I’ll be around if you need me afterwards."

The shorter man didn’t say anything, but he smiled, and nodded, his nervousness dimming enough he could turn to the stairs and vanish up them two at a time. Bro watched him go before he let his shoulders slump and let out a long breath, hoping he _would_ be fine. Hoping things actually were going to get better. They all had a long way to go, but at least this would be a _start._ He just hoped it would be a good one.

After a minute of awkward lingering, he casually strolled over to the group clustered as usual by the fire, Rose and her girlfriend curled up on the floor and Dave and Terezi sat on one of the couches, with Dirk opposite. Their conversation died as he approached, no doubt _because_ he’d approached, but he decided not to be irritated by that. Instead, he jerked his thumb at the machine, who blinked at him, pulling a quizzical expression.

"Sit on the floor." Bro explained, repeating the motion. "I’m gonna try and do some work on the sleep thing, and if you’re sitting in front of me I can catch you when I trigger any tests and I can check you over without having to mess around moving you."

"So why could you not be the one on the floor, father? I am secure sitting in the chair, it would catch me."

"Because this fine ass demands comfort and I’m your dad and I said so. Shift, Dirk."

 _I’m your dad and I said so._ That shouldn’t feel half as satisfying to say as it did.

The robot slid to the ground without further complaint, folding his legs and burying his hands in the pockets of his pullover. As Bro settled in the seat behind him, he saw Dirk push his fringe back from his face, trying to get it to join the wild sweep of the rest of his hair. Not for the first time, Bro considered offering to cut it, but he knew what Dirk’s reaction would be. Jake liked his hair, and so did Dave, and the shorter Strider himself liked to sit playing with it when he thought no one was watching him. That made it untouchable, and any suggestion regarding what Dirk called ‘harming it’ was out of the question.

Bro flicked out his phone and spent a few minutes connecting to Dirk’s programming, more evolved and complex now than it had been when he first created it. He would never admit it aloud, but he wasn’t sure he understood all of it anymore; to be honest, he preferred it that way. It felt a part of Dirk becoming his own person, a new being, that slowly the way Bro had once been reflected in every part of him faded away. That the fatherly relationship reflected in his core, as well, and though Bro was still a great influence on who he was, it was no longer domineering, overwhelming.

Sometimes it occurred to him he was probably less controlling of Dirk than he had ever been of Dave. He felt that might be somehow bitterly ironic, if he spent the time to really think about it. Fitting, though, he guessed, that he was more willing to grant freedom to his creation than his own flesh and blood-

No. He wasn’t going to dwell on this again. He loaded up the mass of code, browsing through it until he found a starting point from which he could expand Dirk’s processes to include a sleep cycle. A dream cycle, maybe. Perhaps he’d dream of electric sheep.

He laughed at the joke no one else had heard, and Dave gave him a look, his face instantly sliding back to a deadpan.

The lack of conversation was noticeable now, unnerving, and he tried to resist looking around at them. Dave would be waiting for someone else to talk, Terezi was probably tasting the sound of his typing, and the two girls on the floor were probably analyzing them all, making little judgements they would discuss at their leisure. As for Dirk, he was probably wrapped up in some idle thought that would occupy him until he came to some bizarre conclusion he felt the need to announce.

"I think I would like to go swimming somewhere with a big slide."

And there it was.

"You know why that isn’t an option, Dirk." Bro replied smoothly, running a few checks and feeling pleased when Dirk yawned. Pointless, but Jesus it made him look like a sleepy kitten and the world needed more of that.

"My mouth feels strange, now." Dirk observed, raising his hands and poking a finger against each of his cheeks. "I do not think it is meant to stretch that far. And why is it not an option? Could you not make me disguise? I could wear one of those black suits some swimmers wear, they would hide me!"

"First of all, they aren’t made for feet like yours, and second off those are for _divers_ , Dirk. I’m pretty sure you’d get noticed turning up at a pool in one of those." Bro paused as Dirk made a soft, sad sound, rolling his eyes. "Look, maybe if there’s somewhere I can hire you can go swimming with Dave’s friends or shit, but-"

"Hell yes." Dave interrupted, straightening from where he’d been lounged back. "You owe me a birthday party, you told me it was getting deferred to January, so guess what? You’re gonna hire me a pool-"

"With a big slide?" Dirk asked eagerly, and Dave nodded.

"-With the biggest fucking slide in Texas, and I’m serious, that shit’s gonna have to top Everest, I wanna hit terminal velocity coming down, wanna slide so far I’ve had to reenter the atmosphere, had to get flight clearance, had to-"

"Okay, I get it. Pool with a slide." Bro muttered, knowing it would go on all day if he didn’t.

"Yeah, and everyone is coming. Including Dirk." He paused, fidgeting, then added in a quieter voice, "Including anyone else who can make it to Texas right then. I kinda want everyone there. _Everyone._ I’ve never actually had a party with _all_ my friends there before."

"Dave, it’s gonna be hard getting everyone there, you know that."

"Yeah. Man, I know it’s stupid. I can dream, right? I know it ain’t gonna happen."

Dave didn’t look upset, but his shoulders dipped slightly, a subtle sign of his disappointment. Bro sighed and focused on the code, but he felt Dirk shift and looked up to the robot placing his hands on his hips.

"It isn’t stupid!" Dirk announced firmly. "You should ask Jake."

"Jake." Dave’s brows furrowed above his glasses, voice perplexed. "What’s he gonna do, Dirk, go off and pick everyone up on his boat?"

"A party on the yacht would be a lot of fun!" Dirk paused long enough to clearly imagine it, then snapped back to reality. "But no! That would be silly. He could ask Bec to collect everyone! Admittedly Bec can be a little... fickle, about obeying commands, so it would only be _asking_ , but that’s better than nothing, and if he does do it then everyone could come! I would like that too, I think. It is nice to be with so many friends!"

"And if Bec just drops everyone off and doesn’t bother taking them home-" Bro began wearily, but Dave cut him off with a louder exclamation.

"Yes! Hell yes, this is a thing that needs to happen, holy shit!"

"Then we should ask Jake later! I am sure he will say yes."

"You’re a little genius, Dirk. Lalonde, you’re coming. No, that wasn’t a question, you shut that mouth unless it’s to agree, you _are_ coming, so are Egbert and Harley and Karkles - hell why not you too, Kanaya, you can be Rose’s snark-buddy, I seriously wanna see you two meet Vriska holy shit that’s gonna be a fucking spectacle-"

Bro realised swiftly any chance he had to stop this had already passed him by, from the pleased hum leaving Dirk and the honest _smile_ Dave was struggling to keep from his face. He settled back into the code with a shake of his head, listening to his brother and Terezi start telling an apparently very interested Kanaya all about their various friends back in Texas, though it quickly became almost background noise as he grew intent on his work. Bro was distantly aware they had just started talking fast over each other about the ‘spider bitch’ when his attention was sharply pulled back to reality by the creak of the chair’s arm beside him dipping with weight. Cautiously, he glanced up to see Rose sitting beside him, her gaze down on the code he paused in adding to.

"Don’t mind me." She said pleasantly, without looking away from the screen. "It’s rather fascinating, watching you work. For someone who is so commonly, almost _stubbornly_ immature, you are actually incredibly sharp, should you desire to be." The young woman paused to smooth her skirt, continuing conversationally, "Mother informs me I would have liked you, when you were younger. She believes we would have been like _peseas in a cod_ , which I can only assume is one of her bizarre vocal _misspellings_." Rose paused, pulling a face as though she had been forced to swallow something foul. "She insists they are not mispronunciations, of course not, not with her - such an idiotic notion; but she insists on continuing with them, despite the very concept of _misspelling_ a spoken word in the way she apparently does to be frankly ridiculous." She wrinkled her nose. "Then again, _Mother_ is ridiculous. I suppose it’s hardly a surprise."

"Roxy’s just... unique." Bro waved a hand airily, and Rose raised an eyebrow.

"As unique as the cocktail of drinks she is constantly mixing in her throat, no doubt."

Bro snickered as he typed, and Rose’s sneer settled to a slight smile, her eyes finally moving up to his face and regarding him as though weighing him up in her mind, which from his experiences of her was probably exactly what she was doing. At last she gave a slight incline of her head, not seeming perturbed when Dirk abruptly slumped back against him the first time he ran a short test.

"So what are your plans for the year, Bro?" She asked, as he snapped the machine back to awareness and watched Dirk bolt upright and rub at his head. "Other than the ongoing ironic fraternal strife that comprises your home life with Dave, of course, I assume that will be continuing as per its regular schedule. Will you be visiting John at all? Are you sure you could survive the terrible cold of Washington?"

"Hey, I deal with cold just fine." He lied, and she gave him an amused smile, arching a slender brow. "I’m gonna parade around Maple Valley in a t-shirt and shorts that would make English blush, and I’ll be so fucking chill - pun totally intended - with the cold. Bet I won’t even feel it."

"To quote dearest Strider, pictures or I refuse to believe it."

"You’ll get your pictures, Lalonde."

"If they do not come complete with a rather copious helping of self-indulgent duck face and yourself resplendent in the most utterly ridiculous shorts I have ever seen, I will be _sorely_ disappointed." Rose’s smile turned to an open smirk, a slight gleam of challenge in her eyes. "I will give you large helpings of kudos should you also manage to secure an image of your dearest in similar attire. A veritable mountain of them, in fact."

"John in short shorts."

"I think it would be amusing." She replied with a graceful shrug. "It is the sort of picture I can ferret away, and someday when you and he have some small bundle of ironic hilarity I can beckon them and produce it without warning, and simply savour the reactions it would cause. I have suffered a terribly embarrassing parent so long I simply cannot cope with the notion your children would miss out on just how patently ridiculous their parents are, especially if you have managed to disguise it by then. I feel it is practically a rite; I refuse to believe they could come of age until they had been fully exposed to the overgrown man-children who have raised them."

"Hey I’ve never hidden how ironically perfect I am." Bro waved a hand down himself, then pointed over at his brother. "Just ask Dave. The kid would probably be more freaked out if you showed them a picture of us being totally normal."

"Are you so sure? Do you not think, if you had a second chance to raise a child, you would do things a little... differently?"

He stopped, and in the silence that followed between them he turned his gaze up to her, her own face carefully blank in a way that never ended to frustrate him, unreadable even to his own, skill eyes. Smile gone completely, he gave her a silent stare, and at last a little pinkness crept into her cheeks, her hand rising to brush a few strands of hair from her forehead as she looked away.

"Apologies. I did not realise the topic would bring you so much discomfort."

"Don’t try and psychoanalyze me." He replied, voice low. She nodded in concession, and when he turned back to the code there was a longer silence, the air of unease gradually fading back to something calmer as the infectious good mood from the cluster of chattering voices opposite washed back over them.

"I am glad you are going to visit John." Rose announced, at last. "I think such vacations will only benefit you both. If it is not overstepping any boundaries, may I ask what you are planning to do when you are there? I do not think my future step-father would approve of rooftop strifes, or smuppet traps, or showers that drive his water bill to heights in excess of the gross product of some small nations. You will have to _behave_. Are you sure you can cope?"

"Hey, Dad’s not as bad a guy as he thought he was. I’m sure me and him can work out some compromises. Plus I’m pretty sure if anyone has to worry about _traps_ in that house, it’s me. I’ve heard legends of the fucking shit they get up to when they’re messing with each other. Way I see it, the Strider clan’s gonna fit in pretty damn nicely, now there’s no hatred and fucking murder attempts muddying the water."

"The clan, father?" Dirk asked, rolling his head back to look at up at him with suddenly bright eyes. "You mean it will not just be you that goes?"

"Nah, Dave would kill me if I didn’t take him."

"Oh. Yes, I imagine he would." The robot fidgeted with the toggles of his hoodie, cheeks colouring with a soft glow. "And... you and he... would be the only ones...?"

"Dirk," Bro drawled, dragging out the sounds as he watched his metal son hang on every one of them, "Would you like to go to Washington?"

The small Strider _squealed._

"You know I would love to go with you, father! It would be so much fun to experience somewhere new, and meet new people, and to spend more time with Jade and John and Karkat now is never a bad thing! A new city and new climate and new customs and local rituals - it would be so exciting!" He clapped, giving one of his excited buzzes that continued in a low hum beneath his words. "And to actually experience suburbia would be fascinating! An actual house, not an apartment nor a mansion, is something I have never been in before! Could I sleep in Jade’s room like she slept out with me? It would be like a proper sleepover! We could participate in the human bonding rituals typically exhibited at such habitual nightly gatherings-" 

His voice cut off as Bro ran another test, and Rose gave a slightly judging cough, which Bro ignored. He checked Dirk’s reactions, poking and prodding lightly and then shaking him awake, rather than doing it by code. The machine flailed and sat, blinking, turning and looked up at them in confusion. "That was strange! What were we talking about? My processes seem slow in restarting."

"Are they all restarting, though? Don’t want you waking up only able to talk French or some other shit, that would be more of a damn headache than I need."

"Let me check." Dirk's eyes flashed, and he smiled. "No, father, I cannot only talk French, I can still also talk English, Spanish, German, Mandarin-"

"Okay, that's cool." That list would go on forever if he didn’t just stop it. "Got any issues, though?"

"I do not think so. I feel odd and I am making detailed notes on the sensation but I cannot find any technical issues arising from it." He settled back against the seat, and Bro began adding a more realistic daily cycle to his programming, feeling Rose lean over slightly to keep an eye on the text. "I look forward to my first complete rest period! It will be fascinating to experience."

For a while, the elder Strider continued his work in silence, and the noise around them died as the conversation between the group opposite seemed to drift into a lazy lull. Other than the odd little sound of someone shifting, or Dirk yawning, it was a pleasant quiet. The sort that allowed for focus. Unfortunately for Bro, focus led to him quickly reaching a stage his mind could wander as he fell into an almost automatic rhythm of work, and he glanced up at the couple snuggled on the other couch a few times before clearing his throat.

"Yo, Dave. Make use of those girly little legs and grab me an OJ."

"How about you go get it yourself?" Dave replied, frowning, and Bro just gave him a long look. "You ain’t my dad, can’t use that shit with me. What you gonna do, asshole?"

"I dunno, maybe I should cut your allowance or something, seeing as I’m your fucking legal guardian."

"Dammit, Bro. You wouldn’t-" His brother paused as Bro raised a disbelieving eyebrow at him, then groaned, starting to push himself up. "Yeah, no, you would totally fucking do that." He stood, glaring down at him. "Stupid lazy dick."

"In a glass with ice, Dave." Bro hummed as the younger man moved past, smirking at the mumbled complaints that he heard receding towards the kitchen. He waited until the sound was cut off with the open and close of a door, then let his smirk fade, turning his gaze back to where Terezi had now shifted to sit cross legged, her Dave-shaped pillow gone. "Hey. Madwoman."

"Yes, Lemony Hot Stuff?" Her mouth split into a broad grin. "Did you want to talk to me without Dave nearby?" She asked eagerly, bouncing herself closer to the front of the couch and leaning forward as she continued in hushed tones, "Was the OJ ruse... a _distaction_?"

"It may have been."

"Gasp!" She actually _said_ it, clapping a hand to her cheek. "A shocking revelation indeed. I suppose you wish to interrogate me now that my knight in shining armour is occupied with figuring out how best to get your drink and abscond with the kitchen’s full supply of apple juice in a heist I will enjoy solving later."

"And if he doesn’t steal any AJ?"

"The prosecution is certain a bottle or two will disappear and be found upon the defendant’s person, and anyone who suggests they were _planted_ will be done for contempt of court."

He chuckled as Terezi bobbed her eyebrows at him, before his smile settled, and he nodded towards where Dave had vanished. "Are you two okay?"

The redhead’s gaze drifted, behind her glasses, and he could see her staring both where he’d gestured and at nothing at all. She smiled to herself, a little secret smile full of warmth and thoughts he had no hope of understanding, then nodded to air.

"Yeah. Yeah, we are." Terezi focused back on him, smiling more calmly, brushing her hair back. "I’ve got this, Hot Stuff. We’re cool."

"If you ever need anything-"

"I’ll come marching in with a writ from His Grand Tyranny to seize it from you, don’t you worry." She snickered, resting her chin on her hand. "I wouldn’t mind having a little time with Mister Blueberry in the witness box to make sure the matter is resolved, but I’m pretty sure it is this time. No need for anymore drastic measures like rapping poorly, I promise."

"What is it with everyone and assuming our rap was poor? It was the shit, you uneducated little dicks."

"I think I’d refute that testimony, but that’s a case for another day."

Bro rolled his eyes, but didn’t bother arguing the point. In the months Terezi had actually become a fairly regular staple of the Strider routine, he’d been on the receiving end of enough patented Pyrope verbal lashings to know it wasn’t worth the hassle.

He’d also seen enough of her to get a much better grasp of her character, and it was that which made him snort softly, and murmur, "Hey. Look, I’m... I’m glad Dave has a girl like you."

Terezi blinked at him, looking a little taken aback, before she grinned, waving her free hand airily. "I’m glad I’m the girl who’s lucky enough to have Dave." She countered, "Even if he is a colossal stupid coolkid sometimes. He’s still _my_ coolkid, even after everything."

"He loves you a hell of a lot."

"Yeah. I know." The short woman gave what was almost a wistful sigh, then seemed to catch herself, blinking and cackling. "Oh my God, Dave can _never_ know we said any of that. Can you imagine?"

"I try to avoid feeding his ego wherever possible." Bro agreed. "Let’s keep this little exchange on the down-low."

There were a few more beats of pleasant silence, as Bro returned to tinkering and Terezi lost herself in whatever daydream she was smiling at. Kanaya and Rose were sharing silent looks full of unsaid meanings, and Dirk was just being Dirk, sitting and toying with his sleeves as he hummed. Everything was relaxed, cheerful and calm. It made a nice change.

It ended with a door banging open, and an angry scream.

"STRIDER YOU COCKSUCKING LITTLE _SHIT_ -!"

Bro saved and disconnected in a practised motion, swinging an arm over the back of the couch as he turned. He was in time to see Dave sprinting towards them, pursued by Karkat moving _impressively_ fast for someone of his size. The blond had just opened his mouth when Karkat reached him, grabbed his arm, and dragged him back in a motion that Dave turned into a smooth leap onto a nearby table, drawing his sword. Karkat responded by flipping out two sickles that he caught and spread in a ready position, lips curled.

"You don’t wanna fight me, Karkles." Dave said with a smirk, and Karkat growled.

"I want to punch your smug fucking face, but kicking your pasty fucking ass would feel just as good." Karkat shifted, improving his balance with the slight spread of his feet. "You think you can take me, Strider? You have no idea what you’re fucking with, asslicking cunt."

"I’m gonna be honest, I ain’t that scared of a pocket-sized angry man who’s been going heavy on the ice-cream."

Karkat’s eyes narrowed slightly, and then he had moved, pulling his sickle into an overarm arc that left it embedded in the wood of the table. He used it as a hold to pull himself up after Dave, then jerked it out, flipping it up into air as he used his free hand to strike up at Dave’s face, the Texan barely dodging, clearly caught off-guard. Karkat caught his weapon again, and then he was slicing them both towards Dave’s chest, metal striking metal as the Strider abruptly remembered he had a sword to block with.

The pure venom with which Karkat was striking was enough to drive Dave backwards, and he leapt back, feet clattering across plates and knocking over glasses as Karkat pursued him, until Dave seized his chance and ducked one of Karkat’s blows with an elbow to the shorter man’s chest, sending him off balance and letting Dave leap back down to steady ground with a slight flail he quickly managed to pull into a neat roll. As he straightened Karkat jumped after him, landing heavily and staying low.

"Where the fuck did you learn to fight like that?" Dave asked, clearly confused, and Karkat snorted, before darting at him, his full weight whacking upwards into Dave’s stomach and sending him sprawling.

"You’re not the only one who was raised by a blade-happy psycho."

Dave rolled onto his stomach and lunged forward and to his feet, just missing the sickles that ended up buried in the floor where he’d been. As Karkat pulled hard on them to free them, the Strider turned and brought the handle of his blade down towards Karkat’s head, and the shorter man abandoned his attempt at reclaiming his weapons, ducking backwards and grabbing Dave’s arm in his hands. He dragged him forward and into the knee that he pulled up, the noise Dave made enough to know exactly where it had hit.

"No fucking fair!" The Strider wheezed at him, staggering backwards with sword pulled up in defense as Karkat swooped and successfully ripped up his sickles.

"Who the fuck said I fight _fair_?" He snapped, raising them both and dashing forward as he brought them together in a cutting sweep. Dave dodged each blow and parried, using the momentum of his own swing to drive into a series of fast, closed jabs, each one striking a sickle and being diverted in a flurry of motion from both sides. "I do what needs _done_! There isn’t time to fight fair when you’ve got a split second to react to a knife being swung at your fucking face, Strider! There’s just surviving-" He angrily ducked and pulled a leg up, swiping it hard into Dave’s knees and sending him tumbling again, sword falling just out of his reach. "-or being tomorrow’s tragic headline!"

Dave pulled his legs in to try to kick as Karkat pounced at him, and Karkat dropped a sickle, grabbing under his bent knee and forcing one leg back practically flat to his chest. He brought his own leg down to kneel and trap Dave’s other leg as it straightened in a wild jerk forward, and as Dave stretched his fingers to try and catch the handle of his blade Karkat put his remaining sickle to his throat, glaring.

"This is the part where you give, prick." He said darkly, and Dave groaned.

"I can’t believe you came at me with fucking sickles just ‘cause I was gonna say your-"

Karkat dropped the sickle and shoved his hand over Dave’s mouth, narrowing his eyes down at him with a slight shake of his head. Dave’s cheeks moved and Karkat pulled a face, hand twitching.

"Stop licking my hand you fucking creep." He grumbled, and Dave waggled his eyebrows, clearly continuing. "I’m not letting your fucking motormouth loose until I know you’re going to shut the fuck up, so don’t even think you’re going to fucking squick me into moving it."

The Texan hummed, muffled into his hand, then slid his eyes shut and gave a moan that would’ve made a whore blush, which succeeded in making Karkat grit his teeth and clench his hand tighter against Dave’s face.

"No. Stop. Fucking-" Dave moaned again, and Karkat hissed. "You little cocksucking piece of shit I swear I’ll-"

"Dare I ask why you two children were fighting?" Rose enquired slowly, and Dave said something that was lost again Karkat’s skin. "I mean apparently the adult in the room was convinced you were not going to come to any harm, or I’m _sure_ he would have stepped in-" She glanced at Bro, who held up his hands and shrugged. "-but for all your clearly false animosity I struggle to see what would actually drive you to blows."

"Strider’s a dick." Karkat muttered, and Rose rolled her eyes.

"Oh I am _well_ aware of how charming he can be, Karkat. I take it you are not going to share specifics."

"No! He’s a stupid dick who should keep his mouth shut and-"

"Karkat!" The kitchen door opened again and Jade emerged with a steaming mug in each hand, her broad smile dropping to a frown as her gaze settled on her boyfriend apparently wrestling with Dave. "I leave you two alone for _two whole minutes_ and you’re being idiots! Gosh can’t I even trust you to get ten feet across a room?"

The tall girl set down the mugs with a disapproving look over the ruined table, then strode over, hooking her arms under Karkat’s and plucking him from Dave, who gasped out an unobstructed breath. As Dave wiped his wet mouth on the back of his hand, Jade had set Karkat down, cuddling him and kissing his forehead. "You’re being silly, Karkat. It’s not that bad!"

"What is not that bad?" Rose asked instantly, and Karkat was halfway through a sharp Jade before the tall girl shrugged, patting his head.

"Karkat’s just mad because Dave was listening to us talk and he said he’d tell you guys Karkat’s middle name is Alejandro." She paused, blinked, and then covered her mouth. "Like I just did." She added with a nervous giggle, and Karkat covered his face as Dave burst out laughing.

"Quality save, Harley." The Texan snorted, and Karkat span and punched his shoulder as he tried to get up. "Seriously though, I got kicked in the dick for that name, I am broadcasting that shit to the _world_."

"Fucking _douchebag_ -!"

"I’m sorry, Karkat!" Jade swept him up in her arms for behind, hugging him and ignoring him struggling to try and hit Dave. "But it’s a nice name! You don’t have to be embarrassed of it! I really like it."

Karkat grumbled a vague sound of acceptance, and Jade beamed, kissing his head and cuddling him tighter. By the time she let go Dave was on his feet, and smirked down at Karkat, mouthing Alejandro at him and getting a soft growl in return.

"Jade!" Dirk called, and she let her arms slide away from her boyfriend, ignoring him instantly punching Dave hard on the shoulder. "Jade I am going to be visiting your home in Washington with father and Dave!"

Instantly, she hopped over with that strange mix of grace and heavy-footedness that seemed unique to her, beaming from ear to ear and clapping as she dropped to kneel in front of Dirk. "You’re coming to stay? That’s going to be so fun! I can take you everywhere Dad takes me and John- There’s this park we go to, oh wow you’re going to love it Dirk, it’s just the best!"

"You must show me everything! This is so _exciting_! I am looking forward to cataloguing every new experience your home can offer."

"This will be so great." Jade beamed at him, taking his hands as he offered them and squeezing them. "Can Dirk stay in my room?" She asked, looking up to Bro like a kid asking a parent’s permission, which he rapidly realised she _was_ , "Like you’ll be sharing John’s!"

Bro blinked at her, and she frowned quizzically back up at him. "Well you _will_ be sharing John’s, right? You’re his fiancé! You should totally share a room! You can be with John and Dirk can be in with me... And, um, Dave can be on the sofa? I guess?"

"But if everyone else is sharing rooms, that isn’t fair! There are three bedrooms in your house, aren’t there? Why would Dave not share the room with John’s father?" Dirk suggested with an oblivious smile. Jade snorted and Dave gave a splutter, which was quickly joined by Bro and Karkat bursting out laughing at the same moment. "What? It is a valid suggestion!"

"Dirk, _no_ , holy fucking shit!" Dave complained rapidly, punching Karkat in the shoulder in an apparent payback for earlier. "No that would not be okay, Dirk, Jesus Christ, just... no! Look, I’ll take the couch, it’s fine. I’ll be comfortable enough there, if I even come-"

"If? No, Dave, you _must_ come!" The robot stood, and Jade followed suit, nodding as he continued, "Please! It will not be as much fun if you are not there."

"It’s not optional, Dave!" The tall girl agreed, "Come on, _please_?"

Bro watched his brother shrug, shuffling his feet and folding his arms defensively. "Yeah, well, I’ll probably come, I just... I don’t wanna get in people’s fucking way. If it’s gonna be hard finding me somewhere to sleep-"

"Hey, dipshit." Karkat elbowed him gently, and Dave glanced at him, pursing his lips. "How come you don’t have any fucking problem with getting in my way?"

"You’re different, Karkles." The Texan drawled with a more relaxed smirk. "I’d get in your way anytime."

"Okay. Then I’ll ask Stabdad if you can stay with me." Dave’s smirk faded to a surprised expression, and Karkat shrugged. "What? I have a big room, and it’s next door, you can fucking cope. I mean you’d have to have your sword because of the cuntlicking dick with a knife running around, but I’m pretty fucking sure you could deal with that."

"I can, uh." Dave blinked, arms dropping, still staring at the shorter man with confused surprise. "I can look after myself."

"I know you can." Karkat nudged him again, the Texan nudging back with a little more force. "You want another strife, asshole?" They gave each other a sort of daring smirk, and then Karkat shrugged, looking away. "I’m glad you listened to me, you hipster ass."

"I’m glad you talked to me, you tiny angry fucker." With a snicker, Dave swung an arm over his shoulder, dragging him close to his side. "See, Karkles? Told you I’d grow on you."

"Yeah, like a bad fucking rash!" Karkat complained, shoving him back, the brief truce between them clearly already shattered. "For the last fucking time, my name is Karkat."

"Karkat _Alejandro_."

"I am going to _murder_ you, you asslicking piece of _shit_."

Terezi hopped up as Karkat’s hands twitched towards his sickles, and before he could duck to get them, she was between the two boys, an arm over each of them and a broad grin on her face. "How about instead of ruining Rose’s hall, we get our asses outside and I teach you boys how it feels to lose to a girl in a snowball fight?"

"Oh I like the sound of that." Her boyfriend pecked her cheek, relaxing. "I think that sounds like a round two, Karkles, and I think this time you’re going down."

"Hey!" Jade bustled over, and Dirk being Dirk he followed with a smile. "Don’t you harm a hair on his head, Dave! You’ll have me to answer to if you do!"

"Whose team am I on?" The robot enquired. "I like Dave, but I like Karkat. Can we not have a fight where no one comes to any harm?"

"You can be with me, Dirk." Dave beckoned, but Karkat snorted.

"Then you’d be one person up, fucking cheater."

"I will join your team, Dirk." Kanaya stood gracefully, after so long silent, sashaying over and resting a hand on his shoulder. "Then you do not have to choose between them. We will teach them how to win without silly violence." He nodded eagerly, and she flashed the boys a broad smile. "We will only use _necessary_ violence, I assure you."

"That sounds fun!"

"That sounds terrifying." Karkat corrected him, and Kanaya chuckled. Before he could complain again, Terezi was dragging them towards their coats, and Jade was following with Dirk jogging along beside her, the Frenchwoman walking with more patience and style. Bro watched them all dress, arguing about who was going to beat who and how badly, and as they filed out he smiled to himself, before it dropped to a deep frown.

"Son of a bitch." He announced, slumping back to face ahead. "He never got me my fucking drink."

"Tragically, it appears you will have to use your own legs, Bro. I understand this must be a difficult concept for you." Rose patted his shoulder sympathetically, and as he waved her away she smiled, glancing back towards the door. "Dave is in a better mood, I see. So is Karkat. It is pleasant to see the dark cloud over them lifted."

"Yeah. I think Dave’s still a little awkward about shit, but... he was better. That’s a start." He paused, looking at her more thoughtfully as he reflected on what he actually knew about her. "Look, Dave never stops complaining about you messing in his shit, getting all psychoanalytical. Why didn’t you this time? He probably coulda used it."

"Oh, I did. I have books just full of notes I have made since last Christmas, on him, and John, and you, amongst others." He raised an eyebrow, and she chuckled. "All of which will remain _private_ , Mister Strider. The point is simply I have in fact analysed you all. I am just not quite so... Hm. I suppose the word I am searching for is _mature_ as Karkat. I analyse people frequently, but I struggle to convey my meaning or discoveries in a manner that does not seem condescending. Karkat is more frank than I think I would be able to be, especially with my friends, while still managing to show he cares. That is a skill I can only hope to develop in the years to come." Rose sighed, twisting her hands in her lap, before giving him a small smile. "I tend to keep my deepest observations to myself, Bro, because I fear I would regret bluntly sharing them. My tendency is to lead others in such a way I hope they reach the same conclusions, with a few nudges, perhaps. When I was younger I used to share things more openly, to take pride in what I deduced, but a few incidents where I grew rather too short and blunt in my thoughts rather turned me away from being so open. Perhaps that is for the best."

"Well, I’d still love to hear what you fucking make of me."

She regarded him with a strange expression, before it faded to something warmer, and she glanced away. "I... think you are a good man. And I think that is all you need to know, for now."

Bro opened his mouth, but thought better of it, scratching at his chin as she turned her face back towards him. "I think you should give yourself more credit, kid. You seem pretty good at what you do."

"Thank you. I think... I think a good description would be that if Karkat is the active relationship counsellor of the group, I am the understudy sitting back and making notes. I hope I can help in my own, quieter way, but I certainly do not grasp relationships nor people with quite the same skill he does, and I will openly admit I am not ready to take other people’s issues and burdens onto my shoulders as he does, either."

"He’s gonna burn out, at some point."

"Oh, undoubtedly. He is a ticking time-bomb with copious issues of his own, and I can only hope those he has helped will remember what he has done for them and return the favour when he finally explodes."

"They’re good kids." Bro murmured, mostly to himself, and Rose nodded, smiling when she answered.

"I think they are finally transitioning into becoming good _adults_."

The girl perused her Sylladex and then produced a scarf with yarn and needles, a sky blue and patterned with white seagulls in flight. Rose adjusted to sit more comfortably, then began to work, moving with concentration and skill that he briefly watched with the same interest she’d looked over his code. The odd mistake was carefully undone and corrected without complaint, other than a slight, irritated furrow of her brow.

"You know Dave and John are going to change." She said softly, and he blinked out of the mesmerised daze he’d been in, widening his eyes as he looked up at her. She glanced back, shrugging slightly. "They are going to change, and you have to be ready for that."

A few moments of silence passed between them, other than the click-clicking of her needles moving, and he used it to think. To dwell, and consider.

"I’m ready." He assured her at last, with a definite air of certainty.

"Then allow me to share a little something from my notebooks." She smiled, apparently addressing her needlework as she continued, "You mustn’t dwell on your mistakes, as I hope you already know. You need to look forward to the future, and make up any debt you feel you owe by doing the best you can from now on."

"Yeah. I know that now. Guess I need to finally start acting my age."

Rose chuckled, shaking her head. "Oh I wouldn’t be _too_ serious about that. Everyone needs a little childishness, a little silliness, be it pranking or rapping or penning ridiculous fictions. Your immaturity is part of your charm."

"Charm? I don’t have _charm_."

"You may have been wearing dark glasses so long you struggle to see it, but I assure you it is there." She nudged him as he pulled a face, still smiling. "After all, Bro - that’s what drew Mother to you. It’s what draws John to you now. Without that ineffable charm, Dirk would not admire you so much, and Dad would not be warming to you quite as much as he is, and I would certainly not find you such pleasant company. You have a charm, wrapped in hidden intelligence, and sharp wit, and the good heart I will continue to assure you you have." She paused in knitting, waving a hand out in front of her. "Buried beneath a pile of smuppets and irony and topped with ridiculous enigmatic shades-" She flicked the edge of his glasses, and he flicked her back. "-and a smirk." Rose finished warmly, as the expression settled on his face.

"Well aren’t you just the sweetest little charmer, Miss Lalonde?" He replied, deciding to finally do more than stare at her work. The small wife-beater he’d set about sewing Lil Bro to distract himself from his upset the night before was quickly hunted out of his Sylladex, and then he relaxed, threading the needle and working at a much slower pace than her constant knitting, carefully adding detailing on the tiny embroidered cap that would have pride of place on the smuppet’s chest. They worked in silence, other than the odd hum of contentment at some particularly fine bit of needlework, and the odd, distant screech of someone outside being hit by a particularly nasty snowball.

His tranquil focus broke at heavy, thudding footfalls on the staircase, punctuated by the tiniest choked sob that snatched his attention instantly, wrenching his heart and his gaze away from the black fabric. As he captchalogued his things in an automatic reflex, he met John’s bloodshot eyes through his shades, where he was lingering at the foot of the stairs with wet, red cheeks and shaking hands by his sides. For a moment, they stared at each other, and then John spluttered and gave a weak sound, turning and running off towards their bedrooms as Bro hesitated.

What if he needed time alone?

Rose patted his arm, and he looked at her, flinching as she reached forward and wrapped the finished scarf around his neck. She tucked it into a knot, smoothed it down against his chest, and then gave him a small smile.

"Go." She assured him, quietly. "He’ll need you."

Bro nodded, and the moment her hands slid back he was on his feet, moving after John and catching up to him with only a little bit of flashstepping. He reached him just before John vanished into his room, catching his arm and opening his mouth to say something as John paused and looked around at him. The shorter man span and grabbed him, so Bro stayed silent and waited, hugging him close as he felt John clinging to him and trembling in his grip. He sighed softly, nuzzling down into his soft hair, waiting for his fiancé to fall still before he gently pulled back and looked down at him.

"I spoke to Dad." John mumbled, with a weak smile that trembled.

Bro nodded, cupping his cheek with one hand, brushing a thumb over it to wipe away the freshest tears. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

"Y-Yeah, I-" John hiccuped, eyes welling up again, and Bro shushed him, kissing his forehead. "Sorry."

"None of that shit, come on." Bro soothed, nodding towards his room. "How about we go sit down, then you can tell me whatever you want to, okay?"

"Um. Okay. I’d like that."

Bro put an arm around his shoulder and gave him a comforting hug, then led him in, settling him down and sitting beside him as John took a few deep breaths, collected himself, and falteringly started to explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: the next chapter is on the way at some point fairly soon. It's clearly going to be the fluffiest thing ever!
> 
> Hahahaha.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~i'm sorry~~


	109. ==> John: Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's sure this will go fine!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Egbert talks, man. I'm just gonna throw it at you and run. It's shorter than the norm now, but I'm genuinely happy with it for once. Read, cherubs, read ~

"Dad!"

He’d called a couple of times with no result, but this time the older man stopped, blinking out of a daze and looking back as John jogged down the corridor to him. Dad gave him a small, muted smile as John paused in front of him, scratching the back of his neck. "Uh... I want to talk to you."

For a moment, Dad opened his mouth as if to reply, then closed it again, nodding. He gestured for him to follow, and John trailed along behind him, the sounds of Dave and Dirk’s voices dimming behind him as he was led into the bedroom he assumed was his father’s, trying not to let the slightly tense silence between them get to him. It was fine! He was fine. He could do this.

He was offered a seat at a small table by the window, still without a word, and as he settled into it uncomfortably he watched Dad push the window open and then calmly fill his pipe without any apparent sense of urgency. John couldn’t help but let his gaze wander, trying to keep himself occupied. The room was the same layout as Bro’s, which made sense, but instead of the strictly organised nature of his fiancé’s room, it was a mess of clothes left on the slightly untidy bed, a stack of books on one side and a mass of empty bottles on the other. John felt a weird frisson crawl up his neck as he looked at the dressing table, a tie he recognised left beside a collection of pink and black lipsticks, a hat hooked over the neck of a mostly empty bottle of wine.

He realised very suddenly that he was sitting in Mom’s room. Mom’s room, that she was sharing with Dad, because they were together and going to get _married_.

The impact of something he’d already known still hit him oddly hard. He blinked rapidly several times, disconcerted by the rapid succession of thoughts that seemed to hit into his mental train from behind, one after the other.

His Dad was _with_ Mom.

He was going to have a _stepmom_ soon.

Dad was probably going to move in here, or Mom was going to move in with them.

_Rose was going to be his sister._

He spent a few seconds letting those thoughts inwardly freak him out, then forced them all away frantically, fidgeting as he kept his mind on talking to Dad, just talking to Dad, and not on unholy Egbert-Lalonde family units that he wasn’t sure he was ready for.

John looked back to his father as he was regarded calmly in turn.

"So, what did you wish to talk about?" Dad asked patiently, lowering his now lit pipe from his lips as he spoke. John shrugged, taking a deep breath.

"Just... _anything_ , I guess. I just wanted to talk to you, because I’ve, uh..." He laughed nervously, pushing a hand back through his hair. "I’ve been pretty bad at that recently. Um. I’m sorry. I’ve been selfish a lot and... I’ve been told I was losing touch, and I guess I was? I’m going to try to be better now, I promise! I just... don’t know where to start."

"You could start by telling me how you are feeling." Dad answered, and when John looked at him blankly he sighed, and shrugged. "John, I have no idea how you are, how you are coping, how you are feeling, because every time I have attempted to ask you I have been given the distinct impression those are not questions I am allowed to ask. If you wish to talk to me, please, start with that."

The younger man laughed, spreading his hands dismissively. "I’m fine, Dad. Why wouldn’t I be..." He paused, caught the slight raised eyebrow and continued to stare across the table, and his forced joviality faded. "Why do you even want to know?" He mumbled, and Dad’s eyebrows both rose, his eyes widening before he blinked.

"John, I am your _father_ , and I am _worried_ about you."

Of course that was why. Of _course_ it was. John didn’t know what to say, feeling stupid he’d even actually _asked_. His cheeks heated up and he looked out of the window to avoid the slight, hurt surprise on Dad’s face, watching the snow still falling outside and gathering in little heaps against the glass. At last, he relented. "I feel terrible." He admitted, quietly. "One of my best friends who might not even be my _friend_ anymore had to tell me how much of a dick I’ve been and I... I didn’t even _know_! I still don’t! I thought I was just being me and what if I _was_? What if I am just that stupid now?" John rubbed his chin, gaze flicking quickly to where Dad was clearly listening intently, his expression now relaxed again. "If I’d known earlier I would’ve tried to change! Or tried to _stop_ changing... God, I don’t even _know_ what I would have done, but I would have done something - and now I’ve been told, I _will_ do something! I will! I’ll try to stop being like that to everyone, and I’ll try to listen to you, and talk to you, I promise." He added, looking back to him fully, sounding earnest. "I won’t just brush you off, not anymore."

Dad searched his eyes, then turned his attention to his pipe, leaving John fidgeting. Was that _it_? The silence drew out, and he worried he’d said something wrong, if the conversation was already over.

Just as he was thinking of standing, Dad gave a soft breath.

"John, I never minded the distance, if that was what you _wanted_. If you preferred a life that involved me less, I would accept that, if it was what you _wanted_. What hurts me most is that it was not a choice, from what you say. You simply did not _care_ enough..." His voice faded with a slight stab of hurt, and John flinched. "I am glad Karkat made you aware of it." He hadn’t said Karkat, John thought suspiciously, then realised it was hardly going to be anyone else. "At least now you can consciously _choose_ what you wish to do." Dad smoked for a few moments, and returned his attention to John, before he continued in a heavier tone, "Are you sure of what you want to do, now?"

The tone alone was enough to tell John he wasn’t talking about the two of them anymore.

"Y-Yeah!" He stammered, caught off guard, then quickly built up his confidence. "I am, I’m totally sure."

"If you didn’t even know how you were acting, are you sure you know how you wish to proceed?" Dad countered, voice gentle, and John frowned, feeling a little swirl of anger.

"Yes, I _am_ , I really am."

"I only want to know you are sure you are ready for this-"

"I’m ready! I’m sure!" John snapped, as the swirl flashed up to a flame. "Oh my God, I made my choice and I totally want it and it’s none of your business!"

"John, it _is_ my business." Dad answered, quiet, calm expression dropping towards a frown of his own. "You are my _son_ , I have to know you are not going to end up hurt."

"I’m _not going to be hurt_! I’ve had a long time to think about this, I _know_ what I want, I know what I’m doing!"

"John," Dad said wearily, "You haven’t even been thinking about _alternatives._ "

John blinked at him, confused. "What? Of course I have."

"No-" Dad sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Trying things you _know_ will fail in order to prove a point you are already set on is not considering alternatives at _all_. You have never tried to really look at any other route, you’ve always been fixed on the one you are already on, and... John, if that is _really_ what you want, I will support you, but I would rather you take a step back and make sure."

"I _am_ -!" John broke off, then continued hotly, "You keep on saying I don’t know over and over when I do! All saying I’m wrong is doing is hurting-"

"John that is not what I am trying to do." Dad interrupted, covering his face with a hand as he lowered his pipe to the table.

"Then what _are_ you trying to do?" He asked angrily, clenching his hands into the fabric of his shirt.

"I am trying to keep you _safe_ -"

"Safe? Safe from what? From Bro?"

"No-"

"From growing up? From the outside world?" John tightened his grip, voice loud, "Are you going to lock me back up in the house to make sure I’m _safe_?" His voice shook. "Do you even have a problem with me being with Bro, or is your problem with me making decisions of my own at all, is your problem that I have a _life_ now?" He paused, and saw Dad’s knuckles had gone white, though there was no reply. With an angry sound, he stood, feeling the fury that was threatening to build up in him and just wanted to leave before he exploded.

Dad mumbled something as he took a step, and John stopped, snapping, " _What_?"

"My problem is _none_ of those things." He repeated, hand rising to grip his own hair as he stared into space. "You... You seem set on portraying me as some sort of villain, John, and that is not what I am trying to do. You want to date Strider, you wish to be engaged to him, you want all of these other things, I understand that is what you think you want-" He closed his eyes, voice firmer, "But you are _fifteen_. Strider is the first person you had any sort of open _feelings_ for, the first person you really developed any kind of emotional _relationship_ with, and you have not considered there might be a world for you _other than him._ "

"What? I-" John started, but Dad continued, voice rising slightly in volume to cut him off.

"All I have seen you do is bring boys home and stay with them for maybe a week - boys who clearly were not your type, were not anyone you _wanted_ , were not even the sort of person you would _like_ \- and then break up with them, dump them, shove them away and announce _See? I should be with Bro._ " Dad’s distant expression had sharpened, a deep frown twisting his mouth and his brows down with growing anger, his voice heating to match, "You have been bringing home hollow excuse after hollow excuse, collecting evidence that simply heaps in your favour, and never once _actually trying_ to consider _one single other option_."

"Dad-"

"John, I do not _care_ if you never date anyone else." His father snapped, hand dropping from his hair to sweep an angry slice in the air before him. "I do not _care_ if you really do just stay with Strider - God knows, I’m starting to think maybe he _is_ good for you-" John opened his mouth, instantly. "- _But_ -" John closed it again. "My _problem_ is the fact you won’t even _consider_ your life would go on without Strider - and for _fuck’s sake_ John, someday it _will_ , whether or not you _want it to_ -" John flinched again, recoiled with the upset that shot through the anger, with the way his father suddenly looked tall and broad and _furious_ as he rose to his feet. "You won’t even _consider_ how big the choices you are making _are_ , won’t even _consider_ how you are just _devoting_ yourself to this _one fucking man_ and leaving everything and- and every _one_ -" He was shouting in earnest now, and John stared, shocked, "-who isn’t _him_ behind!"

In the ringing silence that fell, John flapped his mouth, feeling empty and upset like he did when he was being scolded as a child. For a moment, he just felt blank, and then abruptly his own anger was rushing back, his voice coming with it. "You don’t _know_ that! You don’t _know_ what I’ve fucking thought about! I’ve considered a _lot_ of things, I’ve spent the last few months doing nothing but _consider_! All the ways it wouldn’t work, how stupid I was being, of how I was pursuing some stupid hopeless _dream_! After that week in Houston I felt _great_ , I felt _perfect_ , but then the months kept passing and Bro wasn't there and we were talking less and less and I thought I'd _lost_ him!" John took a deep breath, but it did nothing to quieten his voice as he kept shouting, "I realised all those boys I messed around with might've been my chance at something else and I _fucked it up_ because I thought I had a chance at something _better_! Well I have that back now, and all those months of worrying? Those are what convinced me this is what I _want_. I thought I was losing Bro and it _hurt_ , it hurt so bad, I couldn’t ignore it or move on or cope with it and I _never_ want to live through that again!"

There was an expression of pain on Dad’s face, and his voice wavered when he replied, "You really didn’t think I would not know how that _feels_? That I would not understand what it’s like to lose someone- to think you’re losing them? John, I wish you had _spoken_ to me about this, trusted me enough to-"

"What? With how you treated Bro? With how you made your opinion really fucking clear?"

"We could have talked it through, son, I would have _understood_ -"

"No, you wouldn’t! You never do! You act like you know what’s best for me but you don’t even _know_ me!"

Dad’s hands clenched sharply into fists, his anger clearly back in force. "I want to know you, John, God, I have been _trying_ to know you and I can’t do it unless you let me in, but all you do is push me away!"

"Well maybe it’s because I _would_ like a life that involved you less!" John retorted sharply. "At least then I could make my own decisions without having to constantly fucking _defend_ them!"

"John, no-"

"No? I thought you said you wouldn’t _mind_!"

"I was wrong!" Dad’s voice was still angry, but John could hear a note of pleading, "Please, I need you to _trust_ me, I need you to talk to me-"

"You don’t _need_ that at all," John answered, _yelled_ , angry and bitter, "You’re just trying to keep a chokehold on me! You just don’t want to let me go!"

"John I _can’t_ let you go, you don’t understand, I can’t lose you-!" Dad gripped his shoulders, and John grabbed his wrists, trying to push him back.

"You have to! You have to just let me-"

"I can’t lose you!" Dad repeated, and his voice was firmer, hotter, _desperate_ , "You’re the only part of her I have _left_!"

The silence rung.

They stared at each other, John’s eyes wide, his voice gone, and for a moment the rage stayed on Dad’s face, before it broke, and twisted, his expression falling.

"John-" Dad’s voice trembled, his grip growing loose. "John, I _can’t_..."

He moved, arms dropping from John’s shoulders to hug him tightly as Dad buried his face in his shoulder. John stood numb as he felt him shake, felt him cry against him, with no idea what to even _do_. Blankly, he hugged him back, lightly patting him in what he hoped was a soothing way.

John felt _lost_. This was Dad. This was his Dad, his strong father who was always so collected and reasonable and calm, who’d screamed at him and who he’d roared back at and who was now breaking down in his arms, clutching at him like a child. All John could do was hold him, try and find words or reassurances or _something_ to tell him it was okay, but he couldn’t, because it _wasn’t_. He’d been so angry with him and suddenly he couldn’t grasp why, couldn’t understand his own rage, now lost as he just held him, ignoring his own eyes stinging and trying to stay strong, to keep himself in one piece as his father felt like he was shattering.

"John," Dad said softly, muffled, muted and broken, "I have never meant anything to hurt you. I have never tried to trap you, to... to _choke_ you, to take your life away. All I have ever tried to do is keep you _safe_ , to try and keep my..." He drew a ragged breath, and John squeezed him tight. "My little boy safe. I’m _scared_ , John. I’m scared I’m losing you and I _can’t_ , I can’t just let go. I can’t... can’t watch you walk away, and tell me to trust you, tell me you’ll be _okay_. I did that once." His voice was barely audible now, guilty and weak, "It was the worst mistake I ever made."

John tried to understand, but wasn't sure he knew what he meant, and gave in to curiosity with a mumbled little, "What?"

Dad's arms dropped from around him, and John missed their comfort, letting go himself and awkwardly putting him hands into his pockets. His gaze moved over Dad's face as the older man straightened, and for a jarring moment he found his morning reversed, looking at him and suddenly seeing his _age_. He had faint lines around his mouth, crows feet at his eyes, things John couldn't actually remember being there even though he saw his Dad everyday. It was like his impression of him hadn't changed or aged since he was a child, no matter how much he _thought_ it had, and for the first time in a long time he saw more than just a memory. He saw a face, young but unquestionably aging, cheeks red and wet and fresh tears welling up to bleed into the already present trails. He saw a man, hurt and struggling against things he couldn't change, and it left him numb as his father put his hands on his cheeks.

"I let her go, John." Dad explained, in a voice that sounded nothing like him, a frail mumble that shook with things John couldn't hope to understand. "I should have stopped her, I should have said something, but I just smiled and let her go and I- I lost her."

John stared at him, and the stinging in his eyes grew worse, as he grasped enough to understand but didn't know what to _say_. What _could_ he say to that?

"I should have said something," Dad repeated, looking at him with a mix of sorrow and a _need_ to explain, "And I can't lose you because I just smile and watch you leave, John. Not again."

The pressure bubbled over and he gave a messy sob, heat and tears covering his face as he shook his head desperately. "You're not losing me, Dad," He promised, voice trembling, "I'm not going anywhere."

Dad swallowed, managing a weak smile, before he gave him an earnest look. "John, I will never, _ever_ be disappointed in you, for the choices you make. I will support you, I will love you, I will do anything to be there for you no matter what you choose to do, whatever you decide to make of yourself, and your life. If I ever seem hesitant, or doubtful, or keep asking are you _sure_ , it is only because I want to know you are, I want you to be safe. I have to know the path you are walking down is a good one, that I am not letting you run off onto wet rocks-"

His breath hitched and he shuddered, eyes screwing up again as he clearly struggled to stay calm. John felt a moment of familiarity, like something echoing from a half-remembered dream, but then Dad took a gasping breath and it was gone.

"And God, I am sorry, John, that I made you feel like you could not trust me, that I made you want to push me away. I'm sorry, and all I want is to _know_ you, to be a good father, to help you and do what is best for you, and if I have fallen short of that," He gulped down another shaky breath, holding John's face tighter. "If I have ever made you feel angry, or... or _unloved_ \- Then I am so sorry, son, but I will never be sorry enough."

John choked on a sob, shaking his head harder. "No, Dad- No, oh my God," He said frantically, not caring about his voice cracking and shaking, "You've never fallen short, you've never made me feel unloved-" He whimpered, putting his hands on his father's wrists and squeezing them, "Oh God, I've been so bad to you, and you've never been angry with me you just... just _let_ me because you didn't want _me_ hurt but I've hurt _you_. I hurt you!" He repeated, feeling guilt and self loathing mix in his gut. "I'm so sorry, I should have listened to you and spoken to you but I was so sure you were going to say things I didn't want to hear I just- I shut you out, rather than just hear them, rather than just _trust_ you, and I'm- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Dad, please, I-"

"It's okay." Dad soothed unsteadily, but John sobbed, because it _wasn't_ okay, none of it was okay, "It's alright." His father murmured, head leaning forward so their foreheads gently touched.

"I promise I'll listen now, I promise, I don't want to lose you either." He squeezed again, quaking. "Dad, I never want to lose you. I've been the worst son, I've been such a dick to you, and I couldn't stop thinking about myself long enough to care about you and I'm sorry-"

Dad shushed him, stroking his thumb soothingly over his cheek to wipe a few tears away, and he stopped talking with a weak sob, his father taking a shaky breath before starting to speak.

"John, you made mistakes. You’re _fifteen_. You’re allowed to be wrong sometimes. Please, just... be careful. Please, trust me. Don’t try to be an adult when you’re still a child - when you’re still _allowed_ to be a child - don’t throw that away because it is something you will never get back, and I, perhaps selfishly, would like you to stay my little boy a little longer, before I cannot keep up the delusion you are little at all, anymore." He gave a sad smile, searching his eyes, far nearer to his level than John ever remembered them being, "I love you, son. I love you so, so much, and I regret that your mother will never see the man you are growing up to be. I have every faith that you will be a good man, a _kind_ man, because I know you have never acted out of spite, only ever out of childish foolishness." His smile wavered, but stayed, and John hiccuped on tears. "I know you will make those choices, and I know you will choose the right path. I am sorry that I cling to you, that I smother you, that I cannot bear to let you leave my sight- but I promise, I will do my best to set my ghosts to rest. To let you breathe, and find your place in this world out of my shadow."

Dad sighed, and leant down just slightly to kiss his forehead, voice softer, gentle as he murmured into his hair.

”When you find that place, I will be there for you, if you want me to be. Whatever you want, whatever you become, whoever you _are_ -”

He searched his eyes, gave a broad and honest but broken smile.

”John,” He whispered, “ _God_ , John-”

Dad’s smile grew small as it warmed.

”-I will be so, so _proud_.”

John stared at him, heart constricting in terrible, _painful_ ways, then wavered, _broke_ , pushing back and shaking his head. He staggered, feeling physically sick, and realised he couldn’t _do_ this, not like this, not now.

He turned to the door and barreled out of it, feeling like a small child as he stumbled and ran and frantically wiped tears out of his blurry eyes, glasses shoved up into his hair. He ran, and he cried, and didn’t stop for anything, not until worried golden eyes left him frozen on a stair.

.:.

Bro hadn’t stopped stroking his hair since they’d started hugging, at the point his voice had started shaking again. It had got harder to speak through fresh tears, but he’d managed it, and now that the Strider was caught up again, John allowed himself time to try and steady his uneven breaths, fingers clinging into Bro’s shirt.

”Hey, now.” The Strider murmured softly against his head, lowering a hand to rub gently over his back. “It’s alright, come on. Deep breaths, John.”

”I’ve been so _terrible_ , though, I’ve been a horrible son, I-”

”Stop.” Bro chided, putting a hand under his chin to tilt his head up, and catch his gaze. “No more of that shit. You fucked up but you can fix it, John, you can be better now.” He kissed his forehead, sighing. “I know it hurts, okay? I know it hurts when you realize you screwed up, but you’re taking steps, you’re working at it, and you need to calm down.”

John nodded into his shoulder as his head lowered again, and Bro kissed his head gently, running a thumb over the fluffy hair on the back of his neck.

”I’m sure,” John mumbled, soft enough he didn’t even think Bro had heard at first. “I really _am_ sure. I... I love you.”

Bro nodded, nuzzling down against him. “I know, sweetheart. I love you too.” John smiled as his fiancé pulled him closer, closing his eyes and shifting his ear to press to Bro’s shoulder, letting him hear the soft beat of his heart. “Look, you’re gonna need to talk to your Dad again, once you calm down - once you _both_ calm down, I mean.”

”I know.” He mumbled, and managed a small smile up at the older man, who smiled back, broad and comforting.

”You wanna just chill here awhile? Stick with me and cuddle and shit?”

John nodded, smile spreading a little, hugging him tighter and murmuring, “I’d like that.”

Bro shifted to lay down on the bed, and John followed, cuddling up to him, closing his eyes and enjoying the comforting, big arms around him until the tears stopped, and the hiccups faded away.

.:.

He found him in the kitchen, baking.

_Baking._

Of course.

Whatever was already in the oven smelled of home, and John quietly shut the door behind himself, moving in a little and awkwardly watching as his father laid ingredients out in front of himself, murmuring under his breath. A few times, John opened opened his mouth, as if he was going to speak, but he was never sure what he was about to say, and he never got as far as actual words. He just stood there stupidly for a few moments, then closed his lips into a tight line, struggling with his thoughts.

”When I was a boy, my mother taught me how to bake.”

John blinked out of his introspective silence, looking up. Dad hadn’t turned around, instead addressing the scales he was now carefully weighing flour out on, but John still began shifting closer. “I never liked pastries, or cakes,” The older man continued, warmly, “I never liked sweets at all, really. But she insisted.” He chuckled fondly.

John nodded at his back, nervously rubbing his hands over one another and ending up deciding to just stay listening, still unsure of what to say. “It’s awfully calming.” Dad told him, still all to his bowls and bags, “I don’t actually know if it’s the act, or if it is the memories...” He paused, a poignant note to the last word, before letting out a wistful sigh, “But it has always helped me, when I have been at my worst.”

John reached him, watched him start carving butter onto the scales, the flour and sugar and other things already measured out onto plates and into bowls. “Something as small as just... making a little cake...” Dad waved a hand over the spread, picking up the glass bowl at its center. “It really does make a world of difference to me, sometimes.”

”I’ve never actually made a cake before.” John mumbled, pushing up his sleeves, and Dad turned to him, offering the bowl with a smaller smile.

”Would you like to?”

He looked at it, and then up to his father’s face, before smiling back, nervously, taking the bowl and nodding.

"Yeah, Dad. Yeah, I would.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's something nice about starting to see a character actually progress, and I hope I'm doing a decent job of it. I have this fic pretty much totally planned in my head now, and I know where I want people to be.
> 
> Oh, and yeah, we're nowhere near done. I have a story to tell, and I'll write 250,000 more words to tell it, if I have to. It's the actual plot that matters to me, and I'll try my best to make sure no word is wasted, from now on.
> 
> Reminder of the day: Once upon a time, this was going to be a one-shot. ~~That went sO WELL. Well done, Khemi. WELL DONE.~~


	110. ==> Bro: Spend Time With The Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strider time and a cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO hello have some Striders they are wonderful dorky creatures yes they are.
> 
> A Dave background fic I've been working on a while will be appearing soon, so keep an eye on the series for that showing up if you're interested! Now enjoy, cherubs, I do this all for you :D

"...So then out of nowhere, she fucking flies at us with a fucking snowball in each hand, slams one in my face and one in Terezi's stomach, screaming like a banshee the whole time. I tried to dodge but she was like a fucking ninja, and then she's gone again, fucked off into the snow to go dump a ton of ice on Karkat or something-"

Bro nodded along, watching Dave’s hands play through his words like he was trying to act out the snowball fight all over again, his excited voice just the right side of understandable. He made it sound like a bloodbath at times, and Bro had quickly got the impression that Kanaya was not to be fucked with, her elegant manner apparently lost on the field of war and replaced by what Dave described as a bundle of repressed rage and ninja skills.

"-And then Jade appeared from some freaky wild-girl burrow and holy shit she'd set the hill up with traps, Bro, one minute we're fine and shit and then boom, half the fucking slope is flinging at us or sliding at us or rolling at us, so we ran for our fucking lives and I wouldn't have agreed to that shit if I'd known everyone on the other teams was a fucking _psycho_ -"

He cracked open another can of beer, swigging it and crushing the one he’d just finished under his fist with a noise that made Dave pause his monologue for all of a second. Then he was off again, and Bro rolled his eyes behind his shades. He was relieved that Dave seemed comfortable spending time with him again, after the last few months of awkwardly avoiding each other. He’d just forgotten quite how much Dave could talk and talk and _talk_.

"-Even Dirk was like, using techno shit to make sure he always hit right in the face, sitting up a tree with a heap of snowballs all balanced next to him picking us off like some winter sniper bringing cold fucking death upon all those below. Hell, me and Terezi were having to bunker down, rethink our shit, get serious, when all of a sudden the angel of angry words and terrible fashion sense literally tripped into our den and we had ourselves a hostage-"

Bro glanced sideways at where Dirk was leaning on the table next to him, dim eyes fixed on one metal hand as he slowly clenched it and opened it. Dave had started off still trying to involve him and get him to comment, but after he got nothing but one-syllable, dismissive answers he’d let Dirk stay silent, getting more and more caught up in his own stream of words. Bro’s flat expression leant towards a frown as Dirk fidgeted and turned his face away from his open palm, and it took him a second to notice Dave had seemed to ramble to a halt, his eyes focusing back on his younger brother.

"So in one day you’ve had your ass handed to you by Kitkat and a sassy French lady?" Bro asked, swilling his beer around the can. Dave opened his mouth to protest, then shut it again with a slight hunch of his shoulder, reluctantly nodding. "You’re letting the Strider name down, Davey."

"Yeah?" Dave raised an eyebrow at him, folding his arms as he gained back some of his coolkid demeanour. "Well I guess if I’d had a better teacher I would have won."

"Oh, is _that_ what you think? Then _I_ guess when we get home I’ll just have to get you up to standard."

"Is that standard able to beat a fucking baker yet?"

"That’s different." Bro narrowed his eyes, and Dave smirked back.

"Sure it is, Bro. _Sure_ it is."

They glared at each other with a slight hint of challenge, both aware all it would take was one rash decision and they’d be up on the roof strifing before anyone else could blink. For a moment, Bro was considering equipping his katana, but then Dave’s attention clearly moved sideways, and he followed it, looking back to Dirk before the two Texans exchanged a more worried glance.

"What’s up, Dirk?" Bro asked finally, and Dirk blinked, looking up at them and then shrugging.

"The fighting with snowballs was lots of fun, father. I was only hit once and that was when Karkat tripped and accidentally managed to catch my leg. I enjoyed watching everyone else though, and I enjoyed winning! Kanaya was very proud of her achievement."

"That ain’t explaining why your face is longer than Roxy’s wine list, Dirk." The elder Strider observed, sipping beer as he lightly elbowed his shoulder. "What’s eating you?"

"Nothing is devouring me, I am entirely intact."

"I meant emotionally, twerp. Why are you so down?"

"Oh." Dirk hummed thoughtfully, glancing between his audience. "After the snowball fight I came inside and felt strange. It took me a while to place it as tiredness, but when I did I was thrilled! I had been looking forward to experience a sleep that you did not directly cause." He smiled to himself, though it was hardly as broad as his usual expression, a little wistful sigh escaping him. "Falling asleep was curious. I was convinced I was merely going to lie there half-waking for hours but all of a sudden I was no longer waking at all. I woke up and it felt wonderful. A refresh, a reboot, a chance for my processes to settle and then begin again at a calmer pace. I enjoyed it very much, but... The part between was more difficult to judge. I think..." He paused, the spark of cheer dropping back to a deep frown. "I think I dreamt, father."

"You dreamed?" Instantly, Bro was more alert, sitting back and surveying him intently. "Seriously? Holy fuck, I only put in experimental shit, I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting it to work. Could you describe it? Tell me anything about it?"

"I could try. I have retained most of it; it was very vivid. It was not until after I woke that I became aware it was not reality, and that I had simply been experiencing hyper-realistic hallucinations." Dirk fidgeted with his sleeves, then sighed, turning his attention to the air in front of him as his eyes sparked and then dimmed to a subtle glow. "I was in the apartment. I was lying in a bedroom, a little like Dave’s, but not, and I ran through the room and found things I recognise, things from Dave’s comics, and puppets I am sure are within our home, and your swords, father. But it was all slightly wrong, and when I looked out the window there was just... water. Nothing but water. I became afraid. I tried to leave the room to look for you, but my door was blocked, and I did not know what to do! In the end I had to leave through the window, climbing back into the lounge, and clinging to the wall was terrifying! I did not like it, not at all. It was like the usual security of flight was not there, which... made sense, later."

"Dreams like that, where it’s like a place you know but kinda messed up, those are fairly normal, Dirk."

"Perhaps, father." Dirk mumbled dismissively, looking uncomfortable. "I know that Cal was there, so I took him with me, and having him on my shoulders made me feel safer. When we reached the lounge I found I was not alone- there were machines, but ones I was unfamiliar with, less advanced than myself but still impressive in construction. They seemed to know me, and while one seemed intent on starting some sort of aggressive conversation with me, the other seemed more concerned for my well being. They did not seem to mean me harm but I- I panicked, and fled to the bathroom, locking myself in and trying to understand what was happening where I was. I paced, and then suddenly I caught sight of myself in the mirror, and-"

He paused, voice catching, and his gaze dropped to his palms as his brows furrowed with thought.

"I was human, father." He explained, voice barely more than a whisper. "I was tanned from being out in sunlight, with more freckles than you or Dave, and faint scars on my skin- My skin, oh it was soft, shaved, all lovely and warm with no subdermal heaters! My hair was a golden blonde and swept, a little like yours but more to the left, and I remember I thought it was not right, then I should style it, before I'd even taken it in. It was strange, alien, curious... but I was human." He repeated, smiling to himself, "I had a heart that pumped and did not glow, lungs that filled without conscious choice and nerves that lit as i touched my face and arms and chest with no subroutine to oversee them. I had no control over most of my body, no processes, no active monitoring systems! Everything was so chaotic. It was wonderful."

Dirk faltered as he fixed back on his silver hands, and his head drooped as he hid them in his sleeves, then pushed them both into his lap. Bro sighed, reaching out and rubbing his back, trying to make it comforting. He got a little smile out of his robotic son, and gave one in return.

"Sounds like a cool dream, then." Bro told him, and Dirk shrugged.

"Humanity was breathtaking to feel even as it gave me breath, despite the fact it was imagined, and I cannot deny that. However... I am not sure I liked the dream. The apartment was wrong, and strange. You were not there, and nor was Dave." His frown grew deeper, his shoulders hunching further in. "For all my body was... was wonderful, I did not like my voice. It was raspy, and I could not talk with correct intonations, or at least I sounded quite muted - I did not like that." One of his hands rose to rub at his throat, and he gave a small, sad smile. "Besides, the joy of humanity felt strangely empty, with no one to share it with. I did not have time to acquaint myself with my apparent companions before I woke. Perhaps if I were to dream of that place again..."

"Maybe," Bro answered gently, "But you don’t tend to dream of the same place all the time. I mean, with me? Well, sometimes I’m doing badass shit like riding a stallion in space or slicing up fucking meteors, sometimes I’m just glasses-"

"What?" Dave asked rapidly, and Bro paused, raising an eyebrow over at him.

"I’m just saying dreams change all the time, that’s all-"

"No. _Fuck_ no, we are _not_ letting that shit go. Sometimes. You’re. _Glasses._ " Dave snorted, clearly holding in laughter, his smirk twitching upwards as his face tried to break into a grin. He leant on the table, gesturing between their shades. "Like, on someone’s face, fucking _glasses_."

"...Sometimes." Bro answered slowly, narrowing his eyes. "Look, can we leave my weird fucking fever dreams out of this and focus on-"

" _Glasses._ " Dave repeated, cracking and starting to laugh loudly.

"Father, if I dream of being human and you dream of being glasses, we could use the shared experiences to bond!" Dirk beamed broadly, forgetting to cover his hands as he clapped with excitement. Bro groaned, covering his face, lamenting the fact he just _had_ to open his fucking mouth. "What sort of glasses are you? I imagine you would be shades, like I was, because they are the best kind of glasses! Just as I dreamt I was clearly a Strider, the best kind of human, you must imagine you are a sweet set of ridiculously fashionable eyewear-!"

" _Oh my God._ " Dave whispered, wheezing between bouts of laughter. "Oh my God, _Bro_."

"Can we not talk about this? Is that a thing we can do?" Bro complained, wearily folding his arms and avoiding looking at both of them.

"But father! This is an excellent chance for bonding!" The machine shuffled nearer, smile still wide. "Tell me, who do you ride? Are they a good wearer? Do they keep you clean?"

"I am _not_ having this conversation. This conversation is terrible."

" _This is the greatest fucking conversation we have ever had._ " Dave insisted, grinning like the Cheshire cat as he leant on the table and fluttered his lashes over his shades. "Tell us, Bro, tell us about your life as glasses, we both _really_ want to know!"

"We do!" Dirk chirped, and Bro took some solace in the fact his good mood appeared to be back. "Oh, this is fascinating!"

"Jesus fucking dicks we are _not talking about the glasses dreams_." Bro said it with finality, and Dirk let out a soft, disappointed hum, and when Dave chuckled again Bro jabbed a finger at him. "Why don’t we talk about _your_ fucking dreams, Dave, I bet your weird as shit head has come up with a ton of great ones!"

Abruptly, Dave’s smile was gone, and Bro paused at the flash of actual upset that seemed to shoot over Dave’s features before they fell back to a deadpan. Dave sat back, shrugging as he turned his face away.

"I don’t dream." He mumbled, quietly. "I just have nightmares."

There was a silence, and Bro caught Dirk opening his mouth out of the corner of his eye, going to shut him up but being cut off by Dave starting to speak.

"I’d love to fucking _dream_. Everyone tells me how great it is but I... From the little bits I remember, my nightmares are all different, all _weird_ , but they always got one thing in common. I always fucking die. Over and over again I die and I fight as hard as I can, I know I do, but it’s never enough. Sometimes it’s worse, sometimes I know I lost John or Rose or Jade or... or you." His face twisted, shoulders slumping, and Bro shifted in place, feeling a little uncomfortable twinge in his chest. "When I wake up, I always feel like whatever happened was my fault. I never remember what it was, I just know I died and sometimes so did you guys, and that it was my fault and I could’ve done something, I could’ve..."

"Dave, they’re just nightmares." Bro soothed, hearing the way Dave’s voice was speeding and trembling with emotion. His brother took a deep breath, nodding as stoically as he could.

"I know, Bro, I know. That don’t change how bad I feel when I wake up."

It wasn’t hard to see how uncomfortable Dave was, how bad sharing that, maybe ever just _thinking_ about it, had made him feel. Bro leant his head on a hand, watching Dave as he sucked in a breath.

"I know how that feels." Dave glanced up as he spoke, and Bro shrugged. "Sometimes I have nightmares... I don’t remember them, not like I kinda remember my other dreams. I remember fire, fighting, and I know I lose. I know I lose _bad_ , Dave, and I know I’m trying to protect you and I know I fail and-" He paused, but felt better for the fact Dave was looking straight back at him, more relaxed, almost understanding. Bro rubbed his mouth, adding in a softer tone, "I wake up and you’ve got no fucking idea how good it feels to hear your stupid voice through the walls. I know it’s a nightmare, I know it’s stupid, but yeah... I know how it feels, waking up and not being able to just shake off the fear."

"Oh." Dave murmured, and the elder Strider inclined his head, waving his free hand between them.

"Look, you ever need someone to talk to about it, I’m here, for whatever that counts for."

"Yeah." The younger man nodded, brushing back his bangs as he quirked a little smile. "Thanks, Bro."

Dirk hummed more thoughtfully, and Bro turned his attention down to him, watching him frown at the table. "Do you think I will have nightmares?" The machine asked, nervously. "Was the dream I had not a dream at all?"

"Maybe. Like I said, dreams are random. I can’t guarantee what you’re gonna get." Bro leant over slightly, patting his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Look, that dream you had? It sounds pretty mixed, but I don't think it was a nightmare."

"If that is true, I do not think I wish to experience a real nightmare. That dream was bad enough for me, at times."

"Hey, no one _wants_ to have them." Bro pointed out, and Dirk pouted, head drooping. "But look, Dirk, you'll be fine. Anything happens, you've got me and Dave, and Jake too, sometimes. We'd be there for you, you wouldn't be alone."

It was clearly carefully considered, until at last Dirk nodded, smiling with more earnest cheer. "Then I think I might be alright, father, so long as I could seek comfort with all of you."

Bro ruffled his hair and Dirk giggled, settling contentedly as Bro finally turned back to his drink. He was revelling in a deep gulp when Dave leant over the table like he was making some crucial deal, eyes bright over his glasses as he surveyed his brother.

"So, are you serious about the whole pool party thing?"

Bro rolled his eyes, having almost been worried it would be something _serious_ , nodding and hearing Dirk squeal. "Yeah, yeah. I'll get you your party. Ampora owns a pool, I'll see if he'll lend it to his prize employee for a day."

"I don’t wanna have this in some weird old guy’s yard-"

"No, Dave, he owns a fucking swimming complex just out of the city, dumbass. It’s big enough for you and all your friends to fuck around in or whatever. I’m pretty sure it’s got a slide as that’s the most important thing in the world, apparently, but if it ain’t got one I’ll pay for one to get put up, okay?"

"Seriously?" Dave asked, pulling an expression of disbelief. Bro shrugged, nodding.

"Look, if it’s something you’re serious about wanting, I’m serious about doing it. As much of a little shit as you can be, you’re my bro and you don’t actually ask for that much shit, so when something like this comes up, why wouldn’t I make sure you get it?"

Dave stopped, looking at Bro through the dark lenses of his shades, expression somewhere between puzzled and pleasantly surprised. Finally, he settled back into the chair and nodded, once, curt as his deadpan returned. "Thanks." He said calmly, his voice a good attempt at staying cool, but with a slight hint of contained excitement in his tone that Bro was only able to detect after years of raising the kid. "Sometimes, you’re not a total asshole."

"Sometimes." He smirked, gesturing vaguely. "Look, we’ll work shit out, but you’ll probably have to put up with me and Ruf hanging around making sure you lot don’t kill yourselves."

"I’m sure I can handle it. I mean at least if Rufioh is there there’s gonna be one reasonable adult." With a little chuckle, Dave patted around his jeans until he found his phone, pulling it out and unlocking it with a swipe. "I’ll start figuring out who’s on the clearly extremely fucking prestigious guest list for what’s obviously gonna be the party of the year. Maybe I should chuck some plus ones around too, I know Tav’ll wanna bring that tall dude he’s dating..." He hummed, starting to tap his thumbs furiously across the screen. "Alright, lemme see."

Dirk pulled himself up, and with his typical care for etiquette he promptly hopped onto the table, strolling across it and climbing down into the seat beside Dave, where he sat and leant over to watch the screen. Now and then he would reach and point and Dave would nod and spend a few seconds tapping at the rough area, but most of the time he just sat, practically vibrating in place with excitement. Bro left them to it. He had a drink to finish, and things to mull over, and other plans for the year to try to settle in his mind.

He was still sipping beer when the patch of tablecloth he was focusing intently on was rudely interrupted by a large mass of pink being put down in front of him that a little blinking to refocus his eyes told revealed to be a large cake, smothered so thick with frosting that curled into messy tips and was slathered in visible waves that Bro couldn't actually tell what sort of cake it even was. The edge of the top had been studded with strawberries, a few complete with frosting thumb-prints, and it gleamed with an air of being freshly baked, a pleasant smell of strawberry and warm sponge wafting up a second later to confirm this suspicion.

He tilted his head back, expecting Dad setting the table and raising a quizzical eyebrow when he was met with John’s bright blue eyes instead.

His fiancé had a stack of plates and a slice balanced precariously on his arm, and moved them to the table, lifting the top dish and critically examining the cake. His tongue poked out in concentration as he ceremoniously cut off a perfectly clean slice, serving it onto the dish and fumbling a spoon out of the back pocket of his jeans before he offered both to Bro.

"What's the occassion?" Bro asked slowly, but John shushed him, offering the plate slightly more forwards with an encouraging look. The Strider took it, giving it a curious look before he carved a helping off onto the spoon - vanilla sponge with cream in a layer in the centre, now he could actually see beyond the pink mass - and scooped it into his mouth under John's intent, apprehensive gaze. He chewed and swallowed and with every motion John leant closer, attentive.

"Uh." Bro wiped some crumbs off on the back of his hand, before bemusedly offering, "It's... nice?"

John's face split into a relieved, pleased grin, and with more confidence he cut slightly rougher slices for Dirk and Dave, offering them across the table. Dave had the same expression of confusion Bro knew he was sporting as he took the plate, but Dirk just beamed and grabbed it, ignoring the spoon entirely.

"You feeling okay?" The older Texan asked, only half joking. John nodded, tongue reappearing as he measured out a piece of cake for himself. "Any reason you're going 'round dishing out your kryptonite?"

"This isn't the Batterwitch's filth." John responded cheerily, taking the last spoon as he sat in the seat beside Bro. "I made it from scratch. I mean, Dad helped a little... Well, a lot, but um, maybe baking isn’t as bad as I thought?" He smiled sheepishly, then turned his gaze to his slice, admiring it before he took his first spoonful and chewed. "Oh wow!" He announced, mouth still full, though he swallowed before he continued in a pleased tone, "It actually tastes okay!"

Across the table, Dave paused and raised an eyebrow, gesturing accusingly with his spoon. "So we were your guinea pigs? You were gonna give us cake that tasted like shit? You were gonna risk us eating shit-cake, John?"

"No!"

"No." Bro agreed, but just as John relaxed he continued, "He was gonna risk _me_ eating shit. I was the one who got handed the maiden slice."

John rolled his eyes at both of them. "I knew it would be fine!" He assured them, pointedly swallowing another mouthful of the cake before he added, "Dad helped me with it and it smelled nice, I just didn’t know if you’d like it."

"I found it delicious, other father. May I have more?" Bro glanced over at Dirk, then choked on the spoonful he’d just put in his mouth, starting to laugh as Dirk beamed at them cheerfully. It looked like more of the cake had ended up _on_ him than _in_ him, cheeks and hands covered with pink frosting and white crumbs and the odd red splash of strawberry juice. John chuckled at him as he served another slice, and as he settled back to watch it vanish into the machine he looked proud, finishing his own helping at a slower pace.

As soon as he was done, he stood, and Bro instinctively grabbed his arm, frowning at him. "Where are you going?" The Strider asked quickly, and his fiance wriggled free, shaking his head.

"I said I’d help Dad with dinner." He explained, lightly poking Bro’s nose. "You can cope without me for another ten minutes. Me and Dad spoke again." John paused, then smiled warmly, "We’re getting on better. It’s nice. I hadn’t realised how much I missed just talking to him."

"I’m glad you two are doing okay, even if he is turning you into the thing you hate the most."

"Oh God, becoming a baker, however will I cope?" John said overdramatically, putting his hands on his cheeks in mock horror, then laughed, stooping to kiss Bro’s forehead and then resting their noses together. "I didn’t hear you complaining about the cake."

Bro lightly shoved him back, but smiled at him as he stood and chuckled, then strode off towards the kitchen, leaving the Striders alone. They finished their own strawberry sponges, Dirk humming to himself contently, gaze locked on the remaining cake. When his volume started to rise, Bro glanced skywards and then looked over at him, resting his chin on his hand.

"Dirk. Would you like some more?" He asked sweetly, and Dirk’s smile spread again as he wordlessly took the plate and tugged it over to sit in front of him. He looked questioningly at Bro, and as soon as he got a nod he was demolishing what was left, buzzing excitedly as his quick motions left pink frosting smeared even further up his silver-white cheeks. Dave tried to retrieve one last slice, but he barely managed to get a messy lump of icing and cake pieces, though he still ate his gains quite happily.

"Other father is a good cook!" Dirk announced, once the plate in front of him was empty. "I hope he cooks more, it is certainly a talent I believe he could develop with sufficient practise."

"Yeah, looks like Mrs Strider is shaping up into a nice little housewife." Dave waved his spoon at Bro, who gave a barking laugh and nodded agreement.

"I’ll have him dressed up in a cute frilly apron in no time, Davey. S’all part of the plan."

His younger brother snorted, but scraped up a few extra bits of frosting, licking them off his spoon before he tapped it to his lips. "Tell you what, Bro. Next time he stays he can pay his rent in cake. That’s totally a thing that should happen."

"I agree!" Dirk chirped, clapping his messy hands. "That is a good suggestion. It seems more socially acceptable than the other sorts of rents I have heard you suggest in the past."

"I’ll think about it." Bro smirked, watching Dave shush Dirk before he could continue about those other forms of rent. "Don’t know what I’d use when I stay with him, though, if rent is a thing we’re doing now."

"You could use your own cooking, father." Dirk suggested, and Dave laughed, making the robot pout and reconsider. "Well then... Metalwork, or something involving fabric, perhaps? You are good at those."

"Those’d be more likely, though knowing Dad I wouldn’t actually get a say in whatever the fuck it was, so let’s just wait and see."

Bro set about finally finishing the beer he’d been trying to empty for a while, and this time he managed it, setting down the bottle as the seat beside Dirk shifted and gained his attention. Jake slumped into it, wiping his forehead on the back of his arm and tossing a pistol onto the table with a nod at them, a weary half-smile.

"I was taking out a few little stresses down in the range. All settled now." He paused as Dirk climbed into his lap, and he looped a tanned arm around his waist. "Had a few idle fancies I wouldn’t mind trading thoughts with you about sometime, Strider." He added to Bro, who raised an eyebrow but chose to leave questions for later. "Maybe we can trade words on it when I’m less tight sprung than a sports car’s suspension."

"You have been having a bad day?" Dirk asked, sounding concerned, and Jake automatically stooped to kiss him, stopping just before he did and looking over the frosting covering his face. As he raised a thick eyebrow Dirk touched his cheek in confusion, then looked at the pink on his fingers and giggled. "Oh! Oh, yes. Try it, Jake!"

Jake grinned, leaning in and taking hold of Dirk’s wrist so he could close his lips around his digits and suck them clean, probably with far more tongue than was needed. Dirk’s cheeks were certainly glowing by the time Jake released his hand with a soft smack, broad smile still on his face when the machine giggled again.

"Tastes pretty swell! Oh, I could go for a little sweet right now. Any chance I might try it from a plate?" He paused, following the apologetic look Dirk pulled and settling upon the large, empty dish. "Ah. Yes. I'll take that as a thundering no then, shall I?"

"It was very nice cake. I enjoyed it immensely." Dirk informed him, and when Jake looked even more let down the machine just look puzzled by it. He paused and thought, before nervously sweeping some more frosting from his cheek, offering it to his boyfriend. Jake smiled warmly and took his fingers again, and this time Dirk observed more attentively, starting to hum.

The next time he took a scoop he tilted his head and put it on his neck, looking expectantly up at Jake as the Australian quirked an eyebrow back. Dirk's look turned a little challenging, and he tapped pointedly just below the pink mess, though the smile on his face was still innocent. Jake chuckled and dipped for it, and as he kissed and licked up his neck, Bro looked rapidly away, the moment leapfrogging from vaguely cute to hella personal in a split second. His eyes met Dave's, and they shared an awkward look, before turning slightly away and ignoring the little giggles and murmurs of a display that should probably have absconded to a fucking bedroom five minutes before.

He wasn't aware John was back until he heard the younger man clear his throat behind him, looking over his shoulder as Jake and Dirk broke apart and John blinked a few times.

"Dinner's... ready." He said slowly, glancing down at Bro and getting a _don't ask_ expression back. He coughed, then paused and grinned, more confident when he waggled his eyebrows and enquired, "So should I come sit in _your_ lap, Bro?"

Bro gave his best suggestive smile as he opened his mouth, but Dave cut him off rapidly with, " _Or_ we could all just _sit down_ like civilised human beings! How about that?"

Dirk rolled his head back, eyes flaring as he observed, "Technically I am not a human being, Dave-"

"You know what I meant, you little shit." Dave replied, covering his face with a hand. "Don't you get all technical with me."

The robot slipped back into his seat, and Jake chased him to kiss his cheek, licking up one of the last bits of frosting and leaving his cheeks glowing as he laughed. Dirk swatted at his boyfriend while Dave visibly rolled his eyes at them, but Bro's attention drifted, and he patted the seat next to him with an imploring look up at John.

John shook his head and put down the dishes he was carrying, laden with food that smelled as divine as Dad's cooking usually did. "I have an actual job to do, remember?" He murmured, kissing Bro's nose before he turned. "I won't be long."

The Strider sighed as he watched him vanish again, flashing to the cabinet to get out a fresh drink before he slumped into his seat and waited. Dad and John appeared back and forth with plates and cutlery and condiments, and Bro swore time was slowing down as he stared impatiently as the ceiling, strumming his fingertips over the bottle's glass.

Like a bat signal had been shone to the rafters, the other guests and residents started drifting in, and the empty seats rapidly filled, the silence replaced with mixing conversations that all bled into one low background noise. Bro sat back up straight when Roxy tottered up behind him and practically shoved her chest in his face, making him flail her back and then snickering as she swayed up to her normal seat with all the grace of a penguin on land. Bro glared, but settled quickly. There were only a few plates left to bring out, that was obvious. He could manage a few more minutes.

Karkat was the last of the others to appear, and as he sat and kept his gaze glued to his plate, Bro noticed Dirk dip below the table level, reappearing with Seb in his hands. He placed the smallest Strider down on the table, and as the rabbit buzzed eagerly Dirk leant his head on his hand, smiling warmly back.

"Oh, really?" He asked, and Seb nodded excitedly. "Why don't you tell me all about it?"

Instantly, the buzzing grew soft as Seb no doubt spat out long streams of data, gesturing at himself and Karkat and Jade. His motions were like watching Dave talk in miniature, and Dirk watched every one closely, nodding along with honest interest.

At last, the final dish was placed and John actually sat beside him. With a little relieved sigh, Bro shuffled closer, and the shorter man noticed instantly, chuckling and leaning up to peck his cheek. John leant on his shoulder in a quick hug, and as they both straightened from it he swept an arm over the table, giving Bro a nervous smile.

"I guess as you helped with Christmas dinner, this is my try. Man, I hope it's okay!"

"Holy shit, John, it could be charcoal and it'd still be better than our attempt on Christmas." Bro laughed, but it faded when he noticed John's genuinely apprehensive expression. "Hey, sweetheart." He kissed John's head as he turned to him, smiling encouragingly. "It'll be fine, don't worry about it."

"Oh, I know." John nodded, chewing his lip. "I just..." His voice dropped to a nervous mumble, his cheeks flushing. "I want it to be good. It's the first time in years I've actually done something with Dad, and I mean... I'm proud of it, even if that's stupid."

"It's not stupid, John."

"Thanks." He murmured, lacing his fingers through Bro's and squeezing gently. Dad settled in his seat at the head of the table, and it was taken as the sign to begin, the room filling with the clatter of cutlery and the rise in volume as people compensated to be heard above it. Bro ate with a muttered comment about already being partially full of cake. John blushed and elbowed him, and Bro noticed him watching the rest of the table. The food went down well, though, and John finally relaxed, murmuring something to himself about perhaps helping Dad again tomorrow.

"Does that mean you will be baking more cake?" Dirk asked eagerly across the table, making John jump at the fact he'd actually been heard. Rose and Dave both shot John different looks, and he rolled his eyes at the pair of them, nodding at the robot.

"Yeah, Dirk! I like baking with Dad."

The meal wound down to positive reviews, and though John stood to clean up once it was finished, Dad moved over and took the few plates John had already collected. "I'll worry about tidying, John. You've already done more than enough." He adjusted the dishes to stack more on them a little easier, adding warmly, "I wouldn't mind the help in future, I must admit. You were certainly a benefit."

"That'd be cool." John said cheerfully, though Bro could detect a hint of nervousness still rattling along under his words. Dad smiled and headed off with the first lot of things to be washed, and Bro stood, John instantly hooking an arm around his own. "So... Are you gonna be in my room tonight?"

Bro made a small show of thinking hard as they started to drift back towards their rooms, John's grip definitely guiding him straight there and away from the couches where most of the others had gathered to talk. "Maybe I can manage that." He announced finally, and when John pouted he chuckled, kissing his hair. "Man, you're still cute when you do that." John blushed and elbowed him, and Bro snickered, settling again as he murmured, "Of course I'll come sleep in with you, and, uh. Other things, too, if you want."

" _Maybe_ I can manage that." John repeated teasingly, and Bro nudged him back, waving a hand and calling a goodnight to the others that was returned by most of them. Then they were out of sight, alone in the corridor, and the Strider turned his attention back to John.

John was grinning to himself, relaxed and cheerful, and Bro realised distractedly that it was the first time in a long while that he'd seen him beaming like that, just smiling at nothing. It was familiar, comforting, and he was glad to have it back, a little spark more reminiscent of the cheerful boy he'd first met what felt like a lifetime ago.

His fiancé glanced at him, smile spreading, cheeks pink and eyes bright.

John was going to be okay, Bro realised, a weight lifting from his shoulders he hadn't even known was there. He smiled back, knowing he was certain, now.

Whatever happened, John was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pssst I realised there hasn't been a Bro [S] chapter yet.
> 
> The next chapter will rectify this.
> 
> Awwww yis.


	111. ==> [S] Bro: Get Creative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes he likes to take his time.
> 
>  
> 
> **SMUT**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So smut. YEP. I'm pretty happy with it but I'll just leave judging it up to you guys, cherubs.

John had beaten him to the shower when they arrived at the room, with a brief called explanation that he wanted to wash up _before_ Bro used up all the hot water in the mansion. Bro was tempted to talk his way into sharing the wash, but in the end he just let John vanish in with a towel and nightclothes, moving over to the bed and lying back on it without bothering to undress, other than dropping his shades on the bedside table.

After a few minutes of strumming his fingers over his stomach, he found his phone, launching up pesterchum and swiping up through his contacts until he found the one he was looking for.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering caligulasAquarium [CA] at 20:35pm --

TT: Hey, Dan, you got a minute?  
CA: sure let me just drop all a my fuckin personal shit for you like a choir of feathery demons all started singin your name in some obnoxious heavvenly chorus  
CA: its not like its a special time a year or shit thatd be stupid its clearly just another day for you to fucking wwaltz in for wwhatevver you wwant  
TT: Are you really still doing the double letter thing?  
CA: it has sentimental vvalue you ass  
CA: wwhat did you wwant before i lose the ability to stand your self important shit for more than twwo seconds  
CA: its wway past the acceptable time to bother me im havvin the only me time ivve managed to get with cronus chasin me around wwith totally fuckin made up stories about his imaginary lovve life  
CA: the only reason im talkin to you is youre a better fuckin option than that ungrateful bloodshamin scumbag is right noww  
TT: I feel loved.  
CA: just say wwhatevver you wwere going to say before i get bored of this convversation  
CA: oh wwait too late  
TT: You still own that pool, right?  
CA: yes i still owwn my pool of course i still owwn my pool its like the one place on this fuckin planet i can relax i wwouldnt get rid of it for anythin  
CA: evvery time i wwalk in you knoww i wwas there wwhy are you suddenly checkin its ongoin owwnership like i wwouldvve sold it in the wweek since you saww me  
CA: i wwasnt wwaitin for you to look awway to get rid of it and foil wwhatevver shitty scheme you havve that invvolvves my second fuckin home  
TT: I was checking to be polite, and I wanted to know if I can borrow it for a day.  
CA: you wwant to borroww my pride and joy  
CA: givve me a second here so i can stop laughin  
CA: stri the one time i invvited you swwimmin you told me if wwater wwasnt pourin dowwn on top a you you wwerent interested in it  
TT: To be fair that was in the middle of winter and you invited me to an outside pool.  
TT: But actually this time isn't for me.  
TT: Dave wants a pool party and I was hoping you could help me out.  
CA: oh  
CA: its for the insufferable prick  
TT: "Dave". Say it with me, Dan. "Dave".  
CA: davve  
TT: No, look, "Dave".  
CA: davve  
TT: You're doing it to annoy me now.  
CA: maybe you should be more respectful of my wways a livvin you evver thought of that  
CA: if i wwant to type like this im not goin to stop for some upstart swwordswwingin dee jay  
TT: Okay, moving away from that, I'm serious about the pool. I'll work extra shifts to pay for it or give you cash or something, but it's for Dave's birthday however belatedly and it would completely unironically mean a lot to him so please, come on, can you do this one thing?  
CA: my pool is fuckin huge wwhy do you evven need it you could get some little thing for next to nothin for you  
TT: Dave wants to invite a lot of people and I figure the more room there is the better.  
TT: I'm gonna be honest I don't think everyone is going to get on so I'm aiming to just give them all space.  
CA: i dont really wwant to lend you it and get it back lookin like a wwarzone  
TT: Me and Rufioh could handle them, come on.  
TT: If anything went down it would probably be shouting more than fighting.  
CA: look im still not sure i wwant to risk my baby  
TT: The worst that's going to happen is there's arguments, Dan, and if anyone's going to fuck shit up I'll wreck their shit first.  
TT: Most of the kids know each other, anyway. They won't be a problem.  
TT: I just know some of Dave's friends are kind of assholes from what he's said and he wants to invite Karkat who takes objection to all assholes in his own, loud, bizarrely inspiring way.  
TT: So maybe there would be a ton of screaming attempts at character improvement but that's pretty much the most that's going to go down.

There was a long pause, and Bro frowned at the screen, watching the dots to tell him Ampora was typing appear and disappear a few times before a message finally popped up.

CA: wwhen do you need it  
TT: When is it free?  
CA: twwenty first  
TT: That would be fine.  
CA: youre wwelcome  
TT: Cool.  
CA: see you at wwork  
TT: See you there.

His boss logged off, and Bro raised an eyebrow at the last few lines, making a mental note to ask about his change of heart on some later date. For now, he settled back and listened to the low hiss of the shower until it finally ended, and a few minutes later John emerged, doing up the last few buttons of his nightshirt with a towel around his shoulders, though his hair was clearly already drying off on its own.

"Do I want to know why the pyjamas have made a reappearance?" The Strider asked, as his fiancé settled down beside him on the bed. John shrugged, moving the towel over his hair and starting to rub it dry.

"I'm not actually planning on sleeping yet and it's kinda cold, even for me."

"I'll keep you warm, sweetheart." Bro drawled, raising his eyebrows suggestively, purposely stressing his accent as he reached over for the younger man.

"At least wait for me to finish my hair." John chuckled, swatting at the hands that fixed around his waist, but let Bro tug him down, scrubbing a little longer before tossing the towel aside. "Alright." He snuggled closer, and Bro put an arm around his shoulders, kissing his forehead. "You just officially became my hot water bottle for the night."

"I can live with that." A few earlier concerns resurfaced as he trailed his fingers through John's damp hair, a little frown forming as he asked softly, "So it went okay with your dad?"

"Yeah. He asked if I felt better now we'd spoken about stuff and said sorry for shouting and I apologised for shouting back. I mean, I'm glad we did, though? I do feel a lot better now." John wriggled a little up the bed and propped his head up on his hand, smiling down at Bro as the Strider's expression relaxed. "He said when we get home he's got some stuff he really wants to show me, and he's going to introduce me to that guy who's his friend. I realised how much I've been out of the house and stuff, though, because he said he's actually been sleeping on our couch sometimes and I didn't even know he'd been there at all! But he sounds alright." John paused, pursing his lips. "It was weird. Like... just talking with Dad about normal things. He calls me John more than son, now, he never used to, and he swears sometimes which is just..." He shook his head. " _Weird._ I guess he's trying to treat me more like an adult but it made me realise I don't actually know him that well. Like I know him as _Dad_ , but not as a person. I think I want to change that."

"You should do, then. He's a decent guy."

"I know. I asked him what he actually thinks of you, and he didn't say much, but he said he thinks one day you'll challenge him to a rematch."

Bro snorted. "He wants his ass kicked, does he?"

"Are you kidding? He knows he'd win." John lightly prodded his nose and Bro wrinkled it up, rolling his eyes. "He’d be the one kicking _your_ ass. At least he probably wouldn’t knock you out this time, and the ass kicking would be done with fairly small feet. I mean, can you imagine Dirk literally kicking your ass?"

"No, but I’ve experienced Dirk literally kicking my dick."

"Ow." There was a sympathetic flinch, before John paused, look puzzled. "Wait. I thought you built Dirk smaller feet? Like he had toes, I remember him with them. Why does he have the big metal ones back?"

"Because that’s what Dirk’s like." Bro replied, shrugging his slightly raised shoulder. "He’s got his humanoid feet that he wears a lot but they’re pretty much just good for... feet stuff. Looking good and feeling things and not much else. Those big one he swaps to are rockets, because even as fucking good as I am, I couldn’t build flight into itty bitty shit. He wears them when he wants to be able to fly, or around the house when he doesn’t want to swap back to his little feet. The benefits of being mechanical - he gets bored of one set, he takes ten minutes to disconnect them and bam, totally new pair of limbs."

"Oh! Oh wow, rockets? That’s so cool! You built him both sets, right?"

"Well who else is going to fucking build them? Of course I did."

"And now you’re building Seb a body?" John continued thoughtfully, and Bro shook his head.

"Dirk’s building most of it. I’m kind of helping with the little bits, the ones that have to be perfect, and Dirk wants to make sure his hands and nerves and shit are spot on, so he left them to me." A note of pride crept into his words, and he noticed John smile knowingly down at him. "Hey, shut up."

"I didn’t say anything."

"No, but you were thinking shit. If you were thinking I’m cute I’ll punch you." Bro glared, and John chuckled, reaching out to brush some blond strands off of his forehead. "I’m not cute, I’m cool as fuck."

"Sure you are, baby." John soothed, leaning forward and lightly pecking his cheek. He leant their foreheads together, searching Bro’s eyes as his smile dimmed, teeth dragging over his lip. "Are we good?"

"We’re good, John." Bro assured him, voice soft and warm. John gave a smaller smile, nuzzling against him. "We’re the best we can be."

John tilted his head in and their lips met, in a lazy embrace that they slowly drew to a close. As it ended, Bro moved his hand up over the back of John’s neck to cradle his head, and they looked at each other, reaching a silent agreement before Bro tugged him forward, and their lips met again with more urgency. It didn’t take long for the initial chasteness to give way to something more immediate and slick, John’s teeth catching on his lip as they slip apart, tugging it up before releasing it even as Bro chased him up for the next embrace.

When John shifted and swung a leg over him, Bro slid his hands down to his hips to help him settle, then running his fingertips back up to his neck and gripping his hair with one hand, opening his mouth and letting their tongues brush before he tugged John close and crushed their mouths together in a deeper kiss. John breathed sharply out through his nose, hands fisting into the collar of Bro’s shirt, and too wrapped up in the kiss as it broke into small, rapid touches of their lips to speak, Bro used his free hand to grab John’s ass and rut once up against him, a wordless request that John answered with a throaty moan and a slow grind down.

They rocked together, slightly off-beat, Bro’s jeans containing his growing erection better than John’s softer bottoms did. Despite that, the feeling of them moving against each other was enough to leave their kisses growing sloppier as the Texan’s breath grew heavy, and at last he grabbed John’s sides a little more aggressively than he’d intended, rolling them and kissing all across his jaw and down his neck as his fingers fumbled desperate at the buttons of the younger man’s nightshirt. He was on the verge of just tearing them apart when John’s hands caught his wrists, and the feeling made him pause, take a long breath, and then move again with more control, slipping the shirt open easier and trailing his mouth and tongue down in a hot, wet trail over the skin he exposed. John’s chest shuddered under him, one of his hands rising to grip his blond hair, and Bro hummed as he moved further, pausing when his lips met the hem of John’s tented bottoms and glancing up approvingly over his handiwork.

John pushed himself up long enough to discard his shirt entirely, then slumped back, arching himself up from the bed as best he could to help Bro tug down his bottoms and leave him naked. The Strider tossed them onto the floor before moving to kneel over one of John’s legs, a hand to the bed by his side and eyes intently fixed on his face as his other hand trailed lightly down John’s trembling stomach to his shaft, which twitched up against his palm at the promise of contact. Bro’s fingers closed around it, and he brushed once across it lightly before he tightened his grip and used a few smaller pumps to ease his foreskin down, stroking his thumb gently up the side of the head once it was exposed.

He slipped the pad of his digit over the slit to gather a little lubrication before he rocked it down across his frenum, John’s breath hitching and then giving when he began to rock his hand in rapid, small motions to constant rub over the ridge between the head and the rest of his dick. It made the shorter man’s eyes flutter and close, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip as Bro watched a red flush deepen over his cheeks.

The Texan sucked in a deep breath, savouring, not for the first time, how good John looked when he was coming undone.

Bro pushed himself further down the bed and heard John give a vague murmur of confusion before his hand thrust down to John’s base and left it breaking off into a stifled groan, the blond’s head lowering and the tip of his tongue trailing up from the edge of his own thumb and up the underside of John’s pulsing dick to his head, where he spread his tongue and swept the broad of it over John’s slit entirely, then slid his lips down over it. He paused with them around the ridge, sucking lightly and curling his tongue across John’s skin while his hand returned to pumping a steady pace, now from the base to where his lips surrounded John. All of it left John breathing rapidly, hand tight in Bro’s hair, small whimpers leaving him when the Strider began sinking further down, hand pumping over less of his length as more of it was taken into the heat of his mouth.

He worked his way down until the whole of John’s shaft was in his mouth, resting there for a moment as John cursed breathlessly, then rising up and taking it in his hand again, returning to toying with his tip and kissing and sucking it as he used his mouth and fingers together to drive John on. He enjoyed the feeling of his fiancé starting to throb in his mouth, the way his voice began to rise as he grew close, and he had to admit there was a vindictive part of him that was particularly fond of the whining sound John made when Bro pulled away before he could finish. He grinned down at the panting young man as he caught his own breath and gave John a few moments to calm, before he shifted over him and kissed his lips. He rocked his own bulge against him, far too slow to provide any release, and John responded with little upward shifts of his hips, seeking more friction than Bro’s teasing motions were allowing him to achieve.

"So are you going to just leave these on?" John murmured, hands tugging at Bro’s shirt, and the Texan chuckled, kissing his neck again before he let them trade places, settling down and raising an expectant eyebrow once John was above him. John swatted lightly at his shoulder, before undoing the buttons of Bro’s shirt and helping him pull it up over his head. Once Bro’s chest was bare John leaned down, nuzzling down his neck to his collar and grazing it with his teeth before he followed a path down his skin to match the trail Bro had traced down his own chest. His eyes kept flicking up like he was seeking approval, and Bro watched him as impassively as he could, though he knew his cheeks were burning, his lips not wanting to stay together. John apparently found what he was looking for, as he continued moving down with wavering little lip motions, Bro’s breaths growing heavier as he bumped the edge of his jeans and then pushed up a little with half-shut eyes, finally sliding off his glasses and offering them up to be put on the bedside table. Bro obliged, gaze never shifting away from the younger man as he undid his jeans with faltering hands, then took a calming breath and spread them open, tugging them down enough the more clearly defined bulge in Bro’s briefs was exposed between the V of denim.

John’s tongue flashed over his lips; it was brief but Bro caught the motion, feeling himself twitch at the implication. John’s eyes flicked up to him, and Bro swallowed hard, giving a small nod almost without meaning to and feeling his pulse quicken as he watched the dark haired young man lean closer and then slowly brush his lips over across the grey fabric of his briefs, bringing them together in a long, gentle kiss. Bro twitched up against him, and John shivered, before closing his eyes and running his tongue up Bro’s contained length, fabric darkening a little in his wake. He lapped again, and again, before the tip of his tongue flicked up against Bro’s head and the Strider breathed sharply, hips rocking without his conscious control.

He bit down words that wanted to leave him, requests, _commands_ even, that he found himself longing to give. Whatever part of him willed him to voice them was subdued by a larger part fixated on letting John move at his own pace, of letting him hesitate, fumble, explore. He got a kick out of feeling the small gives when John tried something with him that the younger man had apparently never done before. The way he moved slowly, and then with each sound and confirmation he was doing it right he picked up pace and confidence, until he was giving it his all and making up for any lack of skill.

There was an undeniable thrill when John sucked at him through the fabric, then sat and wiped his mouth on his arm before undoing his briefs, not even waiting for Bro to finish kicking them off before his hands dipped and he took hold of him, squeezing gently and then starting to distractedly slide his hand up and down him as Bro finished freeing his legs and fell still again. John’s other hand brushed up his thigh, hand roaming up and brushing against his balls, almost as if testing the waters. He squeezed and stroked curiously, moving them around with his fingers, then pulled down, making Bro groan. A small smile formed on his lips, his palm opening broadly to hold them both at once, squeezing and grinding his hand to massage carefully, trying not to do anything uncomfortable.

John looked down, licking his lips more visibly, dragging his teeth slowly over his bottom lip at the same speed he squeezed his hand. It made Bro shiver, though he didn’t move. He kept himself still, other than the rapid rise and fall of his chest, and the throb of his erection against John’s palm. His fiancé leant down, nuzzling the sac, lips curiously dragging over the warm skin as his hand slipped up to Bro’s hipbone, nails digging into his flesh, breath ghosting over his thin, blond hair.

In what seemed an impulsive act heavily driven by sheer curiosity, John mouthed at Bro’s soft skin, making him moan more openly despite him and automatically close his eyes. He forced them back open almost instantly, not wanting to miss watching the way John’s eyes lit and his whole body trembled with every new noise he drew out of the Texan, and each time he felt Bro’s body throb with approval. His tongue flicked, cheeks hollowing to suck, not too lightly nor too hard, and he pulled back with eyes still closed, moving blindly to the right one to give it the same treatment as its twin.

John’s actions were clumsy, awkward and a little hesitant, the way he stopped and started at different things a giveaway he was trying them at random. Bro wouldn’t complain. He _liked_ that. He he liked the fact that John’s explorative attempts were still flooding him with pleasure despite not being the best he’d ever had - and fuck, John wasn’t _going_ to be the best right now, it felt like his first time actually getting his mouth down on someone, and given that he was doing a damn fucking good job. Bro knew it was going to be inexperienced, but the thought of that fact itself made him feel a surge of arousal. The thought that this was another first he was sharing with the younger man. That he was the first to feel this with him, the first one to see the way John’s brows furrowed and his expression shifted in an attempt at looking sensual, and instead left him looking awkwardly adorable and impossibly hot.

When he pulled away, he eyed the slight mess he’d made on Bro, and the older man breathed out a little, heart fluttering in his chest as John looked up, covering his teeth with his lips and biting, mouth forming a tense line.

Bro swallowed down his words again, not want to lead John, enjoying him taking control far too much to end it. The most he gave him was a little nod, and John opened his mouth as if to speak, before apparently deciding against it, lowering his head again. This time it was higher, and Bro watched as John kissed up his length, hesitating for a second at his head before dragging his tongue over it and lapping up the pre slicking it with a nervous expression that quickly faded. He licked again, slower, with a flick to the tip, and as Bro's breath shuddered John positioned himself better, easing one hand to rest with fingers splayed over the Texan's stomach as his other held his shaft steady. With a moan of his own John kissed at him and then slid his lips around his dick, fingers twitching as he got used to it and Bro grabbed the covers tightly at the feel of wet warmth surrounding him, John's tongue pressing up against him as he began to bob his head.

He hadn’t realised he was getting so sensitive until he felt John sliding a little further onto him, tongue moving against Bro’s ladder like he wasn’t sure what to do with it. In the end he just let it run over his tongue with each motion and hummed, starting to copy the way Bro had used his hand and mouth together to pump the whole of his shaft. He was moving slowly, not taking much at a time, but with each motion his pace creeped up, his hand squeezing a little tighter.

John’s eyes opened and moved back up to Bro, and the Strider’s hands twisted sharply into the cover, knuckles white as he fought to keep his arms where they were. He wanted to grab John’s hair - fuck, he _wanted_ to just take him and push him down at a less agonizing pace - but he didn’t. He controlled himself. _Forced_ himself to behave. Quietened the moans and breathy sounds of arousal escaping him, though not enough to stop John shuddering at them and moving with a little more excited speed. As John’s grip tightened and he sucked his cheeks in against Bro’s skin, the Strider couldn’t stop his mind drifting, brief imagined snatches of all the other thing he wanted to do to that mouth and the body below it passing through his thoughts before he reined them back in, focusing on the sight in front of him. 

His eyes stayed open but his imagination started speeding up again, twisting John’s features into something a little older as he thought of him sinking deeper onto him, deeper than he could manage now, with eyes glazed with lust and lips wrapped tight around his base. It was helped by the still constant pressure and warmth of John’s mouth around his head, and when John briefly pulled back to curl his tongue over the tip of his dick Bro thought of him being a little more forward with it, toying with his piercings and travelling over more of his skin. Sooner than his daydream wanted it, John’s mouth was back around him, but it made him moan and throb between John’s lips.

He could feel the building pressure at the base of his dick, feel pre gathering and being swept away by John’s tongue at a much faster rate. His thighs tightened as he stared more clearly down at John, heart pounding in his ears as John gazed back at him with a mixture of arousal and disbelief, both of which only spiked abruptly when Bro groaned again. He was losing his cool, and he knew it, and it occurred to him that John knew it too. That it was a turn on for him as much as his unpractised motions were a turn on for Bro.

John paused and pulled back, a thin trail of saliva connecting his bottom lip to Bro’s dick for a moment before his tongue swiped it away and he smacked his lips. His hands started to move again, working over Bro’s length with this consistent little flick of his wrists when he reached the head. Bro idly wondered if that was how he usually jerked himself off, gaze sliding up to watch the concentrated expression on John’s face as he began to squeeze and release the muscles in his palm in a far less clumsy way. The idle thoughts fell apart as his mind began to haze, though not enough to dull his growing awareness that this was it, this was John trying to push him over the edge. He could feel heat and that still building pressure and knew John was going to succeed before long, unable to suppress the mental image that formed of John watching him intently as he spilled over his curled fingers, eyes bright as Bro came for him and moaned out his name-

He snapped out of it, feeling dazed, and realized as much as it was turning him on he didn’t want this to end yet, he didn’t want to finish so soon.

He finally released his painfully tight grip on the covers, pushing his fingers back through John’s damp bangs and making John’s eyes flick up towards him. He was torn between holding him there, tugging him down, begging or forcing or doing anything to get the release he was bordering on reaching, or pushing him away, holding it off, but risking having John think he’d done something wrong. His grip tightened in John’s hair as he hesitated, making John give an unexpected shudder and moan. It took all his self-control to let go, and card his fingers back through his curls, before slipping his palm down to rest on John’s cheek and coaxing his head up in a silent plea for him to stop. John raised his head and stared at him more openly, their gazes connecting. The Texan could feel his blond fringe stuck to his forehead messily with sweat, and as John’s hand slowed to a stop he became acutely aware of the ache in his own knuckles from how he’d held the cover, the way his body was trembling from the unfulfilled promise of orgasm. Bro tried to calm his breaths as he tugged John gently up, and the younger man hesitated, clearly reluctant, before releasing Bro’s still pulsing shaft and crawling up and over the Strider.

Their lips met in a kiss that started needy and messy, and as Bro’s arms wrapped around him John whimpered into his mouth, fingers digging into the blond’s shoulders as their chests pressed tightly together, slicked erections rubbing against each other as they clumsily shifted to try and settle into a more comfortable position.

Sooner than he’d wanted, even that contact started driving him close again, the kisses faltering off until they just had their foreheads touching and were breathing heavily into each other’s mouths. He grunted and pushed John back, ignoring the muffled noise of complaint his fiancé made as he nudged him off completely and sat up, managing to finally catch his breath. John brushed a hand down his back, and when Bro glanced at him he was aiming a small pout at the blond.

"Why did we stop? You were close, I _know_ you were."

"Just give me a minute." Bro replied hoarsely, staring at John as his finish slowly slipped further away again. He ached, that sort of borderline hurt warning him he’d pushed himself close one too many times, and if he didn’t climax soon he was going to lose his mind. He looked over his partner as John leant back, cheeks flushed rich red and dick still twitching and solid against his stomach, one hand moving to brush a few, slow strokes down it from base to tip. His expression was imploring, and the temptation to just surge forward and take him hard was in Bro’s mind, strong, difficult to force down as he found himself trapped in those misty blue eyes.

He leant in and crushed their lips together, hand stroking over John’s shoulder and up his neck to thread into his hair. John returned it eagerly, until they broke apart and Bro wet his lips, brushing a thumb over the young man’s cheek. They were both panting, though not quite as heavily as before, and Bro took a moment to collect himself before he spoke.

"Roll over." He whispered, and John stared at him, eyes widening. He hastily opened his mouth but Bro shushed him, nuzzling in against his face. "Just do it. Trust me."

John was shaking slightly, but he nodded, turning to kneel with his head down on the pillows. His hands slowly stretched over the fabric and then tightened into it, eyes sliding shut as he spread his legs a bit behind him, knees digging into the mattress. Bro let out a long sigh, grabbing the lube and resting it beside himself on the bed as he turned and knelt behind him.

He took a moment to just savour the view before him, inviting to say the least, but even as he appreciated it he could see the tense set of John’s muscles, the way he trembled, telling him despite the act of surrender John was still incredibly nervous. Bro reached forward, stroking his hands lightly from the young man’s shoulder blades down his back, and though he kept his touch reasonably chaste, he had less restraint in where his gaze was roaming, memorizing the sight and mentally tucking it away for the lonely nights no doubt ahead. He shifted to push the heels of his hands down harder as he moved back up, fingers spreading out to rub calming patterns over John’s shoulders as he moved slowly to hover over him, so close he could feel the warmth of his fiancé’s skin.

The Texan lightly kissed the nape of his neck, and the long stretch made his still aching erection brush against John’s ass, dick twitching when it drew out a muffled moan into the pillow. Bro slid his thumbs over the spot his lips had last touched in small circles, massaging back along the ridge of John’s spine, and he straightened slightly again, repeating the motions up and down John’s back as he gradually coaxed him to relax against the bed, eased from the tight kneeling stance he’d taken up on his own to a more comfortable position where he was practically lying flat against the sheets. Bro pushed John’s legs together before moving to settle over them, careful not to put too much weight on John’s thighs, dipping to kiss a constant, slow path down his back, trying to make the motions as soothing and reassuring as he could. His hands never ceased moving over his skin, until he finally he trailed his lips over the small of John’s back, pausing against his tailbone in a brief moment of thought.

This time when his hands dropped down John’s back he kept them going, massaging his way to his ass, which he cupped and gently kneaded. As he worked it he noticed John tense up again, just a little, so with a hum Bro abruptly scratched instead, making John jump and then laugh.

"What the fuck was that?" John asked, turning his head enough his voice wasn’t muffled, and Bro shrugged as he sat up, scratching up John’s spine before dropping his hands back down.

"Well you feel better now, don’t you?"

"You’re a dork." John mumbled back, snorting as he buried his head back into the fabric and left Bro smirking down at him, spreading his hands back out into a proper massage.

"Do you like it, though?"

"Yeah." John’s voice was breathy and low, and Bro’s hands moved with a little more force, making him moan softly. The Strider’s hands moved down to his thighs, rubbing them with his warm palms, teasing them apart and feeling pleased when John went with it, spreading them just a little. He glanced up to his dark hair where John was practically hugging the pillow and breathing softly, then slowed the pace of his hands, easing from a massage to a soft caress, a gentle, teasing touch that made John whimper and shudder beneath his fingertips.

Bro rubbed his palms back up and this time he spread John's cheeks, squeezing them distractedly as he looked over his exposed hole and mulled over how far he was going to take this. He wanted to go all the way, of course he did, and he knew with enough prep work John would be fine, physically - but he also knew how nervous the idea made the younger man, so he quickly pushed it away. He'd wait until John was ready. If he did nothing else, he'd do that. It didn't mean he couldn't help ease him into the idea, though, and he ran his tongue over his lips, leaning down and kissing from his tailbone towards his spread ass, pausing long enough to groan against him and feeling John trembling in response as he gave a soft moan of his own.

He shifted back as he mover lower, enjoying the noise John made when his lips touched his skin too close for there to be any doubt as to his intentions. It rose to a soft whine when Bro kissed lightly at his more sensitive skin, thumbs sliding forward to help ease his tense muscle more open before he ran the broad of his tongue over the surface as one last warning and chance for John to object. The man beneath him just gave shaky breaths, waited, and as Bro pushed forward less cautiously he slid his eyes shut, trying to imagine the expression that might accompany the slightly startled mumbles currently rendered unintelligible by the pillows.

He worked slowly, didn’t just rush through the motions, kissing chastely before he worked his lips and tongue together and moved into something much wetter and hot. After focusing on his hole for a few moment he trailed messy kisses down towards John’s taint, pausing when he reached it to force his hips up a little and give him both better access and a view he wasn’t going to complain about anytime soon. His hands still spread John before him, and the combination of his dick hanging just off of the sheets and his back arched down to where he was trembling against the pillows did nothing but make his breath heavy, his grip tightening into John’s golden tanned skin.

He lovingly licked and gently grazed his teeth over his taint, adding the odd soft suck as John quietly moaned. His hands began to move in sync with the beat of his ministrations, the natural beat that he fell into when he grew lost in an act, and as he slowly moved back up he ran the tip of his tongue over the valley of John’s ass, before he adjusted his grip and began to lick again at his ring, feeling it throb in response to the attention. John was whimpering, and it drove him on, the way the thoughtless sounds were punctuated by little breathless, almost pleading whispers of his name. He used the broad of his tongue again, then pointed it and ran the tip around his hole, kissing and sucking as he went. This time John cried out a little louder, wriggling briefly with what seemed to be embarrassment, and Bro chuckled, but noticed with an abrupt tightness in the pit of his stomach just how relaxed John actually was when he tightened his grip and pulled him open wider.

He licked over his stretched opening with the flat on his tongue, then as the tip slid over the edge he couldn’t help but thrust in, just a little, pulling back with a shudder at the low, muffled moan that rewarded him. He kissed, using his lips and tongue together as much as he could, all the time keeping it spread and feeling John shaking under him. Bro hummed, gave a louder noise of his own as he shifted and felt his own dick brush the covers, sensitive and leaping at the contact. It made him realise he’d held off far too long, that if he didn’t actually do something more final he was probably going to end up frantically humping the sheets. With a sigh he moved up John, lightly grazing his teeth over his tailbone before sitting up completely and taking one last opportunity to sweep his gaze across his shivering fiancé, slightly raised ass red and slick and dick now resting in a dark patch of pre.

John panted and raised his head a little, audibly swallowing before managing to croak out, "Wh-why did you stop?"

Holy shit, he wanted to fuck him. It hit him sharply, and he wrestled with it, tightening his grip as he considered how he could ease John into it - and how there were lines he still wouldn’t cross, and actually fucking John at the age he was was one of them. With a lot more control than he’d expected to have over himself, he let go, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and then grabbing the lube still resting beside him, popping it open and getting a good helping on his fingers. He almost - almost - slicked John’s ass, but he resisted, hand moving to liberally apply the cool gel to his thighs instead.

John gasped out a small complaint involving the word cold and Bro snickered, rubbing over his skin and knowing it would warm up soon enough. "Why are you doing it there?" John mumbled, as Bro moved his hand between his legs to get an even spread. "I thought... You were gonna-"

He stopped, but it made the Texan pause as he sat back, imagining it vividly as he looked over his work. He distractedly wiped the excess lube on his dick, and automatically wrapped his fingers around it to pump it back to full mast before he realised he'd been at full mast for a while and if he didn't stop all the build-up would end with his own palm. Bro forced himself to let go again, hands fixing around John's hips instead and pulling the young man up to kneel properly, face still in the pillows, and then shifting his legs back together, slicked surfaces rubbing as John wriggled to settle his knees more comfortably into place.

Bro moved over him, pushing the head of his dick to where John's thighs met and applying enough pressure it slid between them, slowly, at a speed that let him close his eyes and imagine it wasn't just his thighs he was in. John sounded puzzled, as the Strider pushed forward and gave a soft rumble, head of his dick brushing along John's perineum and against the softer skin of his sac, but the puzzlement gave way to swift realisation when Bro pulled back teasingly slow, then thrust with a little more pace.

The Strider kept the rate he moved slow enough to control it, to tease himself, but still enough to gain some friction, the heat of John's legs around him heaven to his throbbing dick. He leant closer to John's back and reached one arm around him, closing it around the young man's shaft and starting to work him to the same beat as he was moving, keep him hard and pulsing with excitement into Bro's palm. Bro savoured it - he savoured all of this. The sounds John made, the way his muscles tightened with building pleasure, the way he'd started pushing back gently against Bro's own motions.

His other hand slid down John’s side, then rose to his mouth, letting him quickly suck on his thumb and wet it with his tongue before he lowered it and used his fingers to grab John’s ass. He spread it a little, pad of his slicked thumb rubbing lightly over John’s hole as John jumped, then panted meaningless murmurs of arousal. Slowly, Bro slid his thumb in little circles, applying a little more pressure as he felt John’s thighs push tighter around him. He imagined it being another part of him pushing as John gave around him, biting his lip as his thumb worked its way just inside.

The dick in his hand twitched with interest as John buried his head further into the pillows, muting his rising voice as Bro moved him thumb a few times to the same beat as the rest of his body was working at. He withdrew it again with a long breath out of his nose, returning to working his hole without entering it and enjoying everything, from the sensations wrapped around his shaft to the way his motions were making John start to moan out his name. He almost felt disappointed when he felt John getting closer, but he knew he’d pushed this as far as it would go, and rather than tease he tightened his grip and started to pump his hand in firmer, rapid strokes, focusing briefly more on driving John forward than on his own thrusts. For one beautiful moment John’s head rolled to the side and he gave a loud, open moan, and then his breath caught and he was spilling into the covers and over Bro’s fingers as they slipped and slid over his head. Bro could feel him shaking, thighs tightening and clenching sharply around his own dick as the ring beneath his thumb throbbed with the beat of his racing heart. It was maddening, and he let go, grabbing John’s hips instead with both hands to steady himself as his hips started to pick up pace.

He waited until he was practically there before he pulled back long enough to roll John over onto his back on the other side of the bed, pushing forward with one hand still on John’s hip as he wrapped the other around his shaft. He had barely managed to pull once before the bed creaked and John was batting his hand away, replacing it with his own and starting to pump with clumsy but strong, rapid strokes. Bro groaned and let his head hang, grip tightening as he leaned unsteadily forwards and felt everything finally overload, vividly aware of the heat of John’s body below him, the smell of soap and their exertions strong as the pressure in his dick gave way to a long, desperately needed climax that he rutted forward through, shooting several times across John’s shaking stomach.

His hands slid and he slumped forward onto his forearms, arched over the younger man, letting out a shuddering sound before the world rushed back to him and he panted, digging his fingers into the covers and moving forward so his forehead rested against his fiancé’s shoulder. John let go, slumping back with a satisfied sigh, and they spent a few moments just catching their breath. Bro grunted as he felt John’s fingers slide into his hair, gently untangling the gel from it and stroking it down as the motions mixed with the sweat it was damp with left it hanging, unstyled, around his head. The Strider closed his eyes and let John run his digits through it, petting and lazily brushing, until he felt a little tug and raised his head, allowing John to pull him up for a long, slow kiss.

John’s head fell back as Bro reluctantly sat, grabbing the discarded towel and using it to brush off the beads of sweat rolling down his forehead before he cleaned up John’s stomach, then optimistically tried to wipe at the mess John had left on the fabric. In the end he wriggled the duvet out from under John and stripped the cover from it, leaving it in a pile with the dirty towel and then dropping the duvet at the foot of the bed, currently too hot to even think about using it. Deciding to leave his shower until morning, Bro lay next to John and let the shorter man curl up against him, legs tangling and arms snaking over each other until they were knotted up together, his lips to John’s hair and kissing softly again and again.

John wriggled an arm up and started stroking at his lank hair again, and Bro snorted, tilting his head down to raise an eyebrow at him. "I’m not a cat, John."

"Shoosh. I like your hair like this." He twisted a finger into it so it curled, chuckling to himself. "You should wear it down more often."

"How about no. It looks fucking terrible."

"It looks great, Bro. You look great. Look, it’s longer than I thought it was..." John pulled a strand as far down as it would go, until Bro shook his head to stop him, and he rolled his blue eyes. "I like it, I really do."

"I guess I’ll think about it." Bro conceded, grudgingly, but it made John beam all the same. They curled together again, hands thankfully away from hair, and Bro closed his eyes and listened to the soft sound of John’s steadying breaths. "Love you, sweetheart."

"I like it when you call me that." John murmured back, fingers squeezing at his back. "I love you too."

The silence drew out, and John’s little motions began to settle, until Bro was pretty sure he was asleep. The Texan smiled, kissed his head again, relaxing himself as he mumbled, "I’ll use Lil Bro next time, see what you think of that."

"Nope." John answered, barely audible, a little less unconscious than Bro had thought.

Bro laughed, cuddled him closer, then listened to him dropping off completely, following shortly after himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THEN.
> 
> Time to power forward, there's plot afoot.
> 
>  
> 
> (whispers i really like how eridan came out looking forward to him showing up in person now aw yis)


	112. ==> John: Start A New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to feel like they should again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a month. Never, ever start writing a looong chapter just before you and your co-author get really fucking busy ladies and gents, it's a bad, bad idea.
> 
> On an up note! Look, a chapter! And another one coming! Well technically they're one long stream. From now on, chapters titled just "==>" are going to be a continuation of the same POV, heads up. There will be a couple coming.
> 
> While I've been busy and down and away I got some uber nice comments and asks and thank you, every single one of you, I am back now and things have been worked out. I'm going to finish this, don't you worry. I'm not going to give up, not after all this work, yo.

"Dave, you need to do the spin next, dude."

John nodded his head over at the colourful card, just out of reach, wriggling to settle more steadily above Dirk’s leg on the coloured circles beneath himself as Jade and Dave both followed his view and then looked at the knot the four of them had worked themselves into.

"Well let me just fucking grow my arms like I’m made of elastic and escape from the weird fucking clothed orgy this is turning into, John, no big deal." Dave drawled, before gesturing with his shoulder up at the couch. "Or hey, here’s an idea! Rose could fucking do it."

Rose raised an eyebrow over the book she was reading and chuckled, leisurely flipping a page. "I think I am exempt from spinning duties, as I was the only one sensible enough to avoid engaging in Twister. Besides, if you all weren't so good at it, the mat would not be so full at this stage. Come on now, Strider. You can reach it."

Dave complained and stretched for it, bumping Jade’s leg and making her heavily slump onto his back. John snickered while they both untangled, and Jade’s snorting laughter drowned out Dave’s wheezed comments about not moving again until her weight was nowhere it could fall on top of him. Jade patted his head, then reached for it herself, just catching the edge of the card and starting to ease it nearer to the mat. When it was closer, she went to spin the pointer, then paused, frowning.

"Wait, whose turn is it?"

"It is Dave’s." Dirk announced, then paused. "No... John’s?"

"I though it was your turn." John replied, and Dave groaned.

"Oh my God just spin the fucking pointer and whoever moves first gets the circle, I don’t care."

"You’re only mad ‘cause you ended up at the bottom."

"Well I didn’t start my day thinking, you know what I’m gonna do today? I’m gonna be the filling in a Harleybert sandwich with a side helping of metal ass in my face, hell yes. I said we should’ve stopped playing when we realised Dirk can literally fucking bend any way he wants, but nope." He watched Jade spin, then shook his head. "Hell no I know right where that circle is and I know how close I’m fucking being crushed to it and if anyone puts a fucking hand there the handle is going to once again divorce shit tragically soon given their recent reconciliation."

"Dave, stop being a wuss! You suggested Twister in the first place!" Jade nudged him again, "I’ll do it if no one else knows whose turn it’s meant to be!"

"Harley you keep those hands where I can fucking see them, don’t you dare-!"

She dared, and Dave yelped, leaping backwards and shoving her in the chest, which set her toppling and a domino effect in motion that left all of them in a collapsed pile on the white plastic sheet. For a moment, there was muffled groans, and then John started laughing, Jade joining in a second later, though it took Dirk giggling to make Dave’s frown start twitching the opposite way.

Rose watched them laughing with a smirk of her own, as they managed to untangle and escape the pile. John sat heavily back, still chuckling, rubbing at his elbow where it had ended up thudding into the floor. There was a reason he’d avoided Twister, before, and in the middle of the seriously inappropriate accidental touches and aching joints and bizarre acrobatics, he’d remembered it, and apparently so had Dave. The Texan had swiftly set about packing the game up now he was free, declaring that one game had been more than enough.

"That was fun!" Jade called after him, as he scuttled off the put the box somewhere no one else would find it. Her attention turned to the group still beside her, and she hummed thoughtfully. "What shall we do next? Karkat and Kanaya will be back from walking soon, we should do something everyone can play!"

"Everyone except Terezi." Rose noted curiously, leaning back as Dave returned empty-handed. "Where _is_ you dear beloved?"

"Busy." The blonde shrugged, gesturing vaguely at the stairs. "She actually had some massive essay to finish that she'd conveniently forgotten about until today, but her Mom rang to remind her about it. They had some deep talk about the path of fucking justice or some other totally overblown shit like that and she decided to do the thing, so she's currently sitting up there trying to figure out how many references to hanging she can get into her paper."

"It seems odd she has a large essay and you do not."

"I finished mine first day of the holidays." Dave replied, and frowned at the disbelieving looks he received. "What? Tav came over and we got ours done, because y'know, I was going on holiday or some shit and I didn't want to be writing an essay when I could be having fun playing the most sexual kids game in existence."

"Twister is fun!" Dirk interjected, more earnestly than the other Strider's sarcastic tone. "According to the rules, as we fell simultaneously, that was a four way tie. Technically, everybody won! What are we going to play now?"

"I dunno, why don't _you_ pick as you were the one championing stupid party game day."

"I merely suggested a day of children's party activities would be an excellent bonding opportunity." Dirk moved over to look through the boxes Mom had appeared with when he'd first asked for games, sliding a finger down the sides as he looked over the titles. "What about Monopoly?"

"I think not." Rose wrinkled her nose. "That game destroys friendships and sanity in equal part. The last time I played it with Mother she refused to pay me rent on a particular property she disputed my ownership of and we ended up strifing for several hours until I managed to seize her capital and fled to my room where she could not possibly get it back. I came back down to find she had implemented a violent corporate take-over and had pinned an eviction notice to the fridge above a diagram of the board that allowed me precisely one utility company."

"Oh." The machine frowned, continuing to look. "Dave also told me we are not allowed to play Scrabble because there are several walking dictionaries present, though I am yet to see any mobile books. Does Pictionary ruin lives? Or may we play that?"

"That seems pretty safe." Jade beamed. "What teams should we be in?"

"The Striders, myself and Kanaya, and you and Karkat, one assumes." When Jade opened her mouth quizzically, Rose predicted the question, adding, "John will be busy in a few minutes."

"I will?" He said blankly, and she nodded.

"Given your father will be in the kitchen presently, I would think so."

Was it that late already? John rolled his head back to check the clock on the wall, standing up when he realised Rose was right, brushing himself down. The whole morning, and apparently way more of the afternoon than he’d thought, had been spent with his friends, making up for the time he’d lost sitting around feeling sorry for himself. The party games were Dirk’s idea, and even though John was pretty sure he was too old for some of them, they’d been fun! He’d laughed and smiled more than he had in months, and something about it all just felt more _normal_. The way Dave elbowed him and tried to distract him, the way Jade and Dirk giggled and whooped when they won, the way Rose bent the rules just enough she didn’t break them with a sly smile on her face that sometimes leant towards a silly grin. It felt like it _should_ do, just hanging out with his best friends, and he hadn’t realised how much he’d missed just messing around like this until Jade was halfway through a charade and he was getting caught up in trying to guess, fighting Dave for a better view, and had a moment he just laughed and felt _great_.

He did feel great. He wasn’t quite finished dealing with everything, sure, not yet - but he was getting there.

"I’ll see you guys at dinner." John told them, and after the small chorus of goodbyes he hopped over the couch and headed to the kitchen, rolling up his sleeves. It was still empty when he got there, so he took a few minutes to get out the different bowls and pans and ingredients he remembered Dad telling him they needed. He found the green apron Dad had inexplicably had spare, putting it on and then washing his hands with Mom’s bizarre candyfloss scented soap.

Just as he was staring at the bright pink liquid settling in the dispenser and trying to figure out if the smell was too sickly or just bearable, he felt a hand on his shoulder, jumping and spinning and _sure_ he hadn’t heard the door open.

"I would have thought with how fond you are of the Striders, you would be more used to people moving quietly by now, John." Dad raised an eyebrow at him, and he laughed nervously, stepping out of the way of the sink. "You could at least make the gambit a challenge."

He made a mental note to pay back the little scare at a later date. For now, though, it would have to wait - they had quickly agreed a kind of truce, over making food for everyone. They didn’t want anyone caught unfairly in the crossfire, after all.

"If you could pass me a bowl and the flour, John?" The older Egbert asked with a nod towards them as he dried his hands on his apron, and John nodded, collecting them and bringing them back to the side. He paused as he found Dad had his PDA in his hands and was typing on it with a small smile on his face, but it vanished into the apron’s pocket before John could sneak a glance at the screen, and he decided it was probably some silly conversation about the serious business of pressing trousers properly or something. He collected the other ingredients as he was asked, and just as he was putting the milk down Dad was yet again on the small device, which felt too odd to ignore again, given how rarely John normally actually saw him using it. His father seemed to notice his expression as he glanced up from the screen, and he coughed, clearly silencing it before he put it away. "...Just talking with a friend." He explained dismissively. John didn’t quite hold in his instant expression of confusion, leaving Dad narrowing his eyes at him. "Is something the matter? Does the concept of me having associates puzzle you?"

"You have friends?" John felt stupid even as he said it, and Dad rolled his eyes as he turned to measuring out ingredients.

"What exactly did you think Jake was? Or Droog, for all I’m well aware until Karkat pointed him out to you you had somehow remained blissfully unaware of his fairly common visits?"

"I... hadn’t really thought about it?" It was true, he hadn’t done! He’d always just seen Dad as a parent, who did... uh, _parent_ things, and to be fair until Mom showed up Dad had never had anyone else in the house! The idea of his father sitting and talking with friends was bizarre, even though he’d watched him do it. The idea of Dad using his PDA to text them was even _stranger_ , like somehow John had always just assumed Dad wouldn’t understand how to message people without even realising that’s what he thought.

He pulled a face at his own mental train, and Dad shrugged, handing John the measured powders and fluids bit by bit and overseeing him beginning to mix them up in the bowl.

"Do you feel strange about the thought of Strider having friends?"

"What, Bro? No, why would I-?" John caught himself as Dad gave him a look, pausing. "Oh. Yeah, wow, what the heck, brain? I have no idea why I think it’s weird, sorry, I guess because of how long we didn’t have any visitors I’d just always thought you kind of didn’t know anyone? I mean, I know you’ve got Mom now, and you met Jake through her and stuff. The other guy-"

"-Droog-"

"-Droog. Yeah." He’d _known_ it started with a D! "You only met recently too, right? And I never met any friends you had before then."

"No, you did not." Dad conceded, which lessened how stupid John felt, though it was quickly replaced with feeling a little guilty about the frown that had settled on his father’s face. " After... Well, I stopped talking to a lot of people, when you were young." He murmured, avoiding directly stating what they both knew he meant. "I admit there were a few years I was a fairly solitary man, but I like to think I have never been entirely without friends. I was actually talking to one of my oldest, a moment ago. I have known her since I was younger than you."

"That’s a really long time."

"Not _too_ long a time, thank you." Dad elbowed him lightly, and John snickered, elbowing back. "But yes. I was arranging for her to visit, when we arrive home, because I would dearly like to see her and for you to meet her. She is your Godmother." He added, and John’s eyebrows rose. "She is- She was your mother’s best friend."

The correction was noticeable, and there was a moment of uncomfortable silence, John focusing intently on adding baking powder in the flour and then mixing the batter while Dad stared into space. He blinked out of it abruptly a few minutes later, looking down at the bowl and murmuring that it needed a little more milk after John had added what he thought was enough. John stirred as Dad topped it up, and then as he mixed it up to a creamy gloop, he watched Dad out of the corner of his eye as he began picking out vegetables for the main course itself.

"So what’s she like?" John asked finally, the silence drawing out too long. Dad paused in choosing a knife, and carefully chose his words instead.

"...Unique, certainly." He offered at last, smiling fondly as he began to slice. "A little brash, perhaps, and one to speak her mind without thinking of the consequences. But she has a good heart, if you spend the time to win her over, though admittedly that is impossible for some people." Dad chuckled, before waving the hand not bearing a blade distractedly. "At school she was rather abrasive, aggressive, and always insisted I wasn’t assertive enough. I gather she is less... harsh a character, now, though she still adores gossiping and such things."

"She sounds, uh." He struggled for a word. "Interesting?"

"Oh, she isn’t that bad, really. She has matured a lot since we were young, I’m sure she will be quite alright with you."

"Does she have a name?" John asked slowly, still trying to work out how Dad would be friends with someone like that. It kind of clashed with how he saw his father’s friends - the whole playing poker around a table with men in suits had been way more understandable! But maybe Dad had been different when he was younger? He realised whenever he tried to imagine Dad at _school_ he found he was picturing him exactly the same as now, complete with hat and pipe like he had been born an adult in a suit and tie. Imagining him as a kid was not a thing John’s brain was apparently capable of doing.

"Meenah." Dad smiled, oblivious to the struggle taking place inside John’s mind. "Her name is Meenah."

Thoughtfully, John poured the batter out into one of the several tins that would all end up being used to provide enough desserts to satisfy everyone, swirling it around to leave patterns in the mix that quickly sunk down into a level pool. He started on the next batter, this time chocolate (and he _wasn’t_ going to spill cocoa everywhere like yesterday, nope, he was going to actually get it in the bowl this time) and did his best to mix it up without instruction, though he still needed the odd nudge and murmured correction from beside him. Dad seemed pretty cheerful as he added to the gathering collection of prepared vegetables on the side, and after a while John took a breath, deciding to risk pushing the topic a little, given the smile on Dad’s face.

"So..." He started off-handedly, eyes still on his batter. "If she's one of your best friends, how come you've never mentioned her?"

Dad stopped, hands even frozen in the air for a second that John just caught out of the corner of his eye. The older man sighed, visibly trying to relax his tense shoulders, and it was enough a show of unease that as soon as John finished spooning the chocolate into a tin he put the bowl down and turned to actually give Dad his full attention, already feeling bad for asking.

"I suppose... She reminded me of good times that were never going to come back." Dad murmured, gazing at nothing. "And I feared perhaps she would blame me for their loss. I foolishly thought I could avoid misery by simply not facing her, but over the years I have grown to regret that choice, and realised I only caused the opposite. It is only now, with everything that is happening, I have found to courage to try and make amends." He looked to John, smiling sadly. "I only hope we can pick up from the point we left off, and that the years between have not done too much damage."

"The way you've been grinning at your PDA makes me think it'll be fine, Dad." John said as reassuringly as he could, patting his shoulder with a slightly floury hand that left a subtle hand print he tried to surreptitiously brush away as he coughed. "I'm sure she'll get it. You went through a lot and you made mistakes. Everyone screws up sometimes."

Dad's expression grew warmer, and he chuckled, looking back down to the counter. John gave a little relieved breath, glad he'd cheered him back up, even if just a little. He turned to grab the strawberries for the third cake, and as he did he heard a soft pap, before the hand Dad had just covered in flour slapped against his back and he yelped, jumping and trying to see the reflection of the handprint and the explosion of dust around it in the shiny silver of the fridge door.

"That is for getting flour on my suit." Dad explained casually, and John darted back, managing to get through his father's attempts at blocking him and getting white all over both his hands, which he promptly dodged and ducked and smacked against the black covering his shoulder blades, leaving a matching pair of marks.

"That's for wearing your suit in the kitchen!" He announced, and Dad pulled his apron off, undoing his jacket as John watched him warily. The older Egbert gave the marks a thoughtful look, then nodded.

"Not bad. Could have left a cleaner print, if you'd been more careful." He appraised, before folding the jacket superhumanly fast and placing it on one of the stools. "You know Miss Lalonde used to have the kitchen opened to the rest of the room. Heaven knows what the others would think of your childish behaviour."

"You started it!"

"It doesn't matter who started it, I am ending it." There was a little glint in his eye, and John had barely equipped his hammer before Dad had a pie in his hands he had no doubt kept in his Sylladex for just such an occasion. John had a sudden, jarring sense of _normality_ again. How long had it been since he actually had a silly pastry-based strife with Dad that escalated quickly from pretty much nothing? He couldn't remember, but he knew he'd missed it. It was like one more confirmation that things were getting better, now. That they were getting on again.

Unfortunately his sentimental thoughts distracted him enough Dad almost had the thing in his face before he caught himself and dodged, laughing and bringing up his hammer defensively as the pie instead hit the wall and slid wetly down it, leaving a purple-blue trail smattered with chunks of golden crust in its wake.

It didn't surprise him Dad quickly replaced it with a fresh pastry, because God only knew how many he usually kept in his wallet.

"We still have to do dinner!" He pointed out, and Dad gave an actual grin, before shrugging.

"Don't worry, I am certain it will be done." He assured his son with all the gentlemanly tones John expected of him, before promptly darting forward with a very ungentlemanly snicker into another, messy aggress.

.:.

John felt pretty good when they sat eating, until Bro leant over and gave him a look, pulling a piece of pie out of his hair.

Even all the way down the table, he heard Dad stifle a laugh.

.:.

"Bro oh my God your hair is cold and wet don't you dare cuddle me no _Bro Strider you stop right there-_ "

John screeched as Bro lunged at him, wrapping him up in a tight hug and rubbing their cheeks so his freezing wet hair kept hitting John's face, the younger man flailing to try to get him away. The Strider held him there, going so far as to shake his hair out in front of him, before letting go and laughing at the expression on John's face.

"Hey, _I_ wanted to have a shower together, John. You're the one who was all, ‘no I'll be fine!’"

"I didn’t realise you were going to wait until you were cold and then attack me with your hair!" He rolled over, stretching out and grabbing a towel to mop up the icy water on his face. Bro snorted, sitting down next to him, and when John defensively recoiled with the towel held like some lame shield, Bro just grabbed the fabric and actually started drying his hair with it, clearly amused. "You’re a dick." John complained, and the Strider paused in scrubbing to pat his dark hair.

"You’ve known that since you met me, John."

John grumbled to himself as he pushed back his slicked down fringe, knowing it would dry pretty quickly, watching Bro finish scrubbing and wrap the towel around his hair so he didn’t have to hold it before he stood and went searching for his comb. He settled in front of the mirror on the dressing table once he found it, taking the towel off and then starting to pay meticulous attention to his hair, lips pursed in concentration.

"Baby," John said slowly, watching his eyes in the mirror as they moved thoughtfully to his wax. "I’m sure the pillow will appreciate all the effort you’re putting into styling your hair right now, but is this really necessary?"

Bro frowned. "My hair looks like shit, John."

"Even if it did, which it _doesn’t_ , we are _going to bed._ You’re just going to do all of this again tomorrow, and it’s not like anyone can see you but me." The Texan narrowed his eyes at him in the mirror, and John sighed. "Come on. Come to bed, look. Your hair is totally fine."

Bro dropped the hand that was already reaching for his wax and looked at himself, pulling a face. "Maybe I should get a hairnet." He said in a serious tone, and John snickered at the mental image. The Strider maturely flipped him off in the glass, before standing and pushing his hair back from his face, moving over and sitting back down with a slightly irritated sigh. "John, I feel like I’m in public naked or something with my hair like this, you don’t understand. I don’t have some fucking bedhead look going that literally pops up perfectly every morning."

"No, you have totally fine looking hair that you inexplicably hate." John murmured, reaching up and stroking it gently, fingers sliding through his blonde locks and twisting into them.

"It’s true what they say, love does make you fucking blind." Bro replied, swatting lightly at his forearm. John reluctantly pulled it back, propping his head up on it instead. "How was today?" He continued casually, changing the subject with all the subtlety of a brick. "You seem better."

"It was good! I actually felt like... like _me_ again." He smiled slightly, pushing his glasses back up his nose as a little wriggle to get comfortable left them slipping down it. "Like me and Dad actually laughed with each other and... and _wow_ it’s been too long since we did that! I just had fun with everyone, and dude, it was great. What were you doing today? I didn’t see you until dinner."

"Rox wanted to hang out with me and Jake and talk and drink. I passed on the second but they both got pretty drunk and between Rox telling me how I’m a great friend and she wants me to wear a matching dress to her wedding when I’m her maid of honour and Jake rambling on about weird anecdotes that I’m pretty sure were only _just_ related to anything we’d spoken about, my whole day kinda disappeared."

"Oh my God, don’t wear a dress to their wedding."

"What? Don’t you think I have the legs for it?" Bro shifted to lay seductively, sliding a hand down his thigh, and John laughed. "I’ll wear whatever I feel comfortable in, and if that thing happens to be some damn fine piece of satin you’ll deal. I’m guessing there’ll actually be a dress code set by the sane part of that partnership, though, and knowing Dad I’m going to be in a suit with some really specific knot on my tie and an exact shine on my shoes."

"Probably. I’m pretty sure he’s going to have some kind of inspection on the door to make sure the men are all perfect or something. Like, nope, your tie is slightly uneven, you’re not getting into this wedding."

"Then I’m fucked."

"I’m pretty sure everyone is fucked if we’ve got to match Dad’s standards. Droog could probably get in. It’ll just be them and all the girls, that’ll be the whole wedding."

"Maybe wearing a dress would be safer. At least I know I can pull a dress off."

"You... _know_ you can?" The younger man said slowly, narrowing his eyes.

"John, do not be a little judgemental prick." Bro answered sagely. "I have done many things in my life, and wearing dresses and looking fucking great in them happens to be one of them. When I was in my early twenties I got into cosplay and back then I still had the figure for pulling off girls, so I damn well did. It was a great hobby. I used to love making the outfits."

John took a moment to look him over, trying to picture him smaller and thinner. Bro observed him do it, before snorting. "John, I’ll show you a fucking picture at some point, alright?"

"Dave never mentioned you used to do anything like that." He answered, after a thoughtful pause, and Bro rolled his eyes, shrugging.

"Because Dave has always been so eager to tell you everything about me, John." He pointed out, then raised an eyebrow. "Y’know Dave and the girl with the cat hat go out and cosplay together, right? It’s like their bonding ritual."

"Dave cosplays?" John said slowly, frowning, and Bro narrowed his eyes at him.

"If you take the piss about it I’ll wreck your shit, John."

"I wasn’t going to make fun of him! He’s just never told me that! I thought he told me everything, but-" He broke off, shrugging. "There’s a couple of things that he hasn’t told me that were either stupid and small or big and important and I feel bad he didn’t tell me. Like maybe he doesn’t trust me with it? I know I make fun of him sometimes and joke around but I never thought he’d actually avoid telling me stuff."

"Well, other than this what hasn’t he told you?"

"That he’d dated guys." John replied uncomfortably, after a pause. "I only found out last Christmas because Rose... _Rosed_ about it."

"That’s not something that he had to tell you. It’s not something you should care about."

"I know! And I know I freaked out about being gay, I know I’ve kept stuff from him, I know it’s being hypocritical, I’m not saying that he did anything wrong and I can totally see where he was coming from. It wasn’t even just him, there was stuff about Rose too, and..." John's voice trailed off, and he frowned, shoulders slumping a little. "It just made me realise I don’t know everything about my friends."

"No one ever knows everything about their friends, John. Doesn’t make them any less your friends." Bro moved closer, putting an arm around him and letting him snuggle up against his warm chest. "It’s alright to worry, though, I’ve been there. You’ll be fine, okay? Don’t let shit like that get you down." John nodded, and Bro kissed his head, nuzzling down into his hair. "If it helps, I’m pretty sure I’d tell you everything at this point. I mean once we got past the puppets, everything else is tame."

"You’re more than just a friend, though."

"Isn’t that part of the point?"

John thought it through, then nodded again, squeezing him and smiling. After breaking apart long enough he could leave his glasses on the bedside table, they tangled together, a mess of soft kisses and gentle touches and trying to figure out what the heck to do with the arm that was slowly going dead under him. Finally, Bro rolled onto his back and tugged John over him, kissing his forehead before John settled down on top of him.

"You can’t be comfortable like that." The younger man mumbled, though he was actually quite happy with the position himself. Bro squeezed his hip gently.

"I could sleep like this all night." He assured him, yawning.

"Could you sleep like this every night?" John replied, and Bro paused, before tenderly stroking his hair, giving a long sigh.

"Yeah." He murmured, warmly. "And someday I will. Just-"

"-Not any day soon." John finished for him, though it was still content. "I know."

The Texan relaxed beneath him, and in a pleasant quiet - a kind of comforting, muted air - they sleepily mumbled the odd noise of affection, and fell asleep curled up together, half cuddling and half sprawled.

.:.

Mom demanded they have a buffet on New Year’s Eve, so that it could _‘just be chucked on plates an’ not leave my sugardaddy busy all day, mkay?’_ John wasn’t going to complain. It meant more time to divide between the games Dirk kept roping him into and the excited conversations about Dave’s pool party that the man himself kept starting at every opportunity. Bro was around more, and he kept managing to sneak in hugs and nose kisses between being tugged in one direction or called for in another.

Right now he’d found himself back in front of Dave, who was rambling yet again about John finally getting to hang out properly with all of his friends.

"...and we already know Vriska is gonna do her best to get the D but I mean she’s alright for a bitch if you know how to handle her. I’m pretty sure Rose is gonna tear her to shreds anyway, so that’ll be cool, plus, fuck, if she tries shit with you Bro is gonna straight up murder her and she ain’t expecting that. You’ve just gotta swan on in there like the committed little housewife you are and if she don’t get the message she’s gonna have a katana in her face to spell it out for her."

"Or you could just tell her not to try in the first place and we could avoid Bro trying to kill her?" John observed, and Dave snorted.

"Where’s the fun in that?"

John rolled his eyes as Dave launched back into describing Vriska’s ‘hunting technique’, but his attention was quickly captured by Karkat stalking down the stairs, gaze on the floor. He hesitated, before patting Dave’s shoulder, cutting him off.

"I have to do something real quick, okay? We can keep talking in a bit, I just have to-" He made a vague gesture at Karkat, and Dave glanced over his shoulder, nodding.

"Yeah, you better go." Dave agreed, much more readily than John had expected. "He needs it."

John nodded, hopping over the back of the couch and moving over to the shorter man, who paused in step and glared up at him. John sighed, then shifted in place, clearing his throat.

"John, if you’re about to say something really fucking stupid _please_ think twice before I have to deal with more inane crap spewing out of your mouth."

He paused, then gave Karkat an apologetic look, scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah, you... You’ve put up with a lot of my shit." He mumbled, looking away. "I was going to say sorry."

"Sorry?" Karkat repeated blankly, briefly looking lost. He quickly regained his fire, voice firmer as he continued, "Well yeah I guess you should be fucking sorry, the amount of pointless whining I’ve had to do in the last few fucking days to try and sort your shit out is ridiculous. You’re all idiots and I don’t know why it’s up to me to shitting well tell you so."

"No one asked you to do that." John said quietly, and Karkat opened his mouth angrily. "-So thank you." The taller man continued, swiftly, cutting off whatever rant was about to begin. Karkat’s mouth stayed open, and his eyebrows rose. "Kar, you didn’t have to do any of this, but you did. You didn’t have to put up with me, but you did. That means a lot and you’re an amazing friend and I’m sorry I ever did anything to fuck that up."

"...Oh." Karkat said lamely, and John rocked back on his heels, before moving forward and wrapping his arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"I’m sorry I’m such a dick and seriously, thanks, I don’t deserve a friend like you."

Karkat tensed, before grumbling and hugging back. "...You’re a dumb fuck." He said fondly, squeezing him slightly.

"And you’re the best." John replied, "I’m getting on better with Bro and Dave and Dad because of you. The only person I haven’t fixed things with is the short angry doofus who’s been wasting too much of his time on me."

"Well, you can fix things by being-"

"-Less of a massive douchebag. I know."

"That’s a start, anyway. I’m not going to get over all the fucking months of tearing my hair out in a day, John. Don’t think one apology is going to make it all magically go the fuck away." They broke apart, and John nodded, looking down, hearing Karkat sigh. "Just... don’t think you can stop trying. These are baby steps, asshole, tiny little baby steps. You’ve got a whole mountain to climb yet."

"Well at least I’ve got a pretty good instructor to scream at me when I’m climbing the wrong way." John giggled, lightly bumped Karkat’s shoulder with his fist, and Karkat rubbed it and glowered, cheeks flushing. "But if I’m dragging you down, tell me next time, before it’s too late. I don’t want to put you through that again."

"And hopefully you never will, if you just use the tiniest grain of actual common sense." The shorter man snapped, before in a softer voice he mumbled, "I’m glad the bullshit I said actually went in, John. I hope it helps."

"It already has done, Karkat." John assured him. "And hey, I know we’re not boyfriends or anything now but we _are_ friends, and that stuff I told you about listening if _you_ ever need to talk is still totally true. I don’t want you to get so worked up about my shit you get drowned by yours."

"I’ll try and bear that in mind." There was a beat, and then Karkat elbowed him, walking past with a muttered but warm, "You’re an idiot."

" _We_ are idiots, Karkat." John corrected, and had two middle fingers flicked up at him before the shorter man moved over to Seb and Jade, leaving him standing with a nervous smile on his face. He saw Jade stoop and ask something concerned, her gaze moving from him to Karkat and back, and then her boyfriend give a shrug and a shake of his head with what was definitely a broad smile. John relaxed as Jade brightened, beaming at him over Karkat’s head. He grinned more earnestly back, and was about to go back to Dave when he turned and jumped, the man himself already standing right next to him, eyebrow raised.

"Well done, John, you actually managed to do a thing without being a total asshole about it. I’m proud of you."

"Shut up! I’ve been doing stuff without being an asshole for like..." He regained his composure as he thought. "Like a whole day!"

"That long?" Dave replied in mock amazement. "Holy shit, Egbert, why hasn’t the national press picked up on this, that’s some world changing shit right there. Let me call the news we need to get this shit on CNN right now holy fuck, America has to know that John Egbert is actually able to give a shit about other people for more than two minutes at a time."

"I get it, I get it." John elbowed him, and Dave elbowed back, snickering. "Man, I’m never going to be allowed to forget this whole thing, am I?"

"This whole thing? What, the year your ego inflated to sizes so fucking epic in scale they were previously unknown to man? No. _Hell_ no. When Uncle Dave comes to visit your kids I’m gonna sit them up on my knee like hey there, squirts, you wanna hear about the time your Dad was a total ass?"

"Are you gonna include the bit where you were pretty complicit for a while?"

"Don’t wanna bore them, bro, they can have the edited highlights."

They stood beside each other in silence, John watching Jade scoop Karkat up in her arms and bounce off with him, Seb in tow. Kanaya, Rose and Terezi were sitting at the table, schoolbooks still open in front of the latter, the two other girls seeming to offer advice as they leaned in to sweep thoughtful gazes across her work. Now the younger group had dispersed, Dirk had returned to English, sitting cross-legged beside him on the couch and talking about something with big animated movements that the Australian smiled distractedly at, expression fond.

That just left Bro, Mom and Dad, who were gathered by the drinks cabinet, Mom talking excitedly at the two men with a blinding smile on her face. Dad was clearly doing his best to keep her from downing all the bottles she was reaching for, plucking them back out of her hands and putting them back as soon as she had a normal helping in her glass, and when Bro finally put an arm around her shoulders and started guiding her away from the cabinet altogether Dad looked fairly relieved, shutting it and locking it and walking in their wake with a small glass of something for himself held firmly in his hand.

"Hey, Dave? Do you think I’ll be a good dad?" John asked as he watched the three adults settle at the other end of the dining table to Terezi and her helpers. Slowly, the blonde turned to eye him, one single brow raised.

"Where the fuck did that come from?"

"You were talking about when I have kids, and like..." He waved his hands, gaze drifting off into space. "I think I _want_ kids, someday. I think that would be cool. I just don’t know if I’d be a great dad, I mean, I look at all the stupid stuff I’ve put Dad through. I don’t know if I could have dealt with any of that, not like he has."

"That’s because Dadbert is so fatherly it’s written into his DNA or something, John.” Dave answered flatly. “If you purified every dad in the world into one guy it’d be him. I can’t promise you’d be that good, no, because the man is in fact a living legend, but I think you’d be alright when your head is out of your ass and you’re actually being, I dunno, _you_." He paused, then scuffed his sneaker on the floor, shrugging. "Not to mention you wouldn’t be doing that shit alone, and I like to think Bro’s proven he could raise a decent little brat already. I’m sure my tiny nephews and nieces or whatever the fuck they turn out to be will be fine."

They looked at each other, and Dave rolled his eyes at John’s expression. "John the Uncle Dave thing wasn’t me being stupid, I’m literally going to be your kid’s uncle, I mean, you _do_ remember the whole you’re-dating-my-brother thing, right? That didn’t stop being a thing that’s happening. I’ll be straight with you, between you and him whatever you adopt is going to turn out some unholy nightmare with a possibly legitimately lethal sense of humour, but it can’t be any worse than me, right?"

"I guess not - hey, worse than you? Don’t say it like that. You’re not anything bad, Dave, you’re just a dork."

"Cool as fuck." Dave corrected, almost on instinct, before he snorted. "Little early to be thinking about all this, though, don’t you think? How about we get to the stage where you’re legal and not living a thousand miles away first, huh?"

"I’m not planning on moving in with him anytime soon." John retorted, remembering the last time the topic had come up and how upset Dave had been. "And before I even think about it, if you’re still there I’ll talk to you first. He’s my boyfriend, but you’re... you’re still my _best_ friend, and I’m not going to forget about how you feel again."

"Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Egbert." He said, sounding almost genuinely sad, and John frowned.

"I’m not, Dave." He answered, as earnest as he could. "I mean it."

Dave sucked his mouth to one side and squinted through his shades, and John held his gaze in silence, waiting for the coolkid to make the first move. Eventually, Dave’s shoulders relaxed, and he offered a closed fist.

"We still need to talk shit through." The Strider observed, as John bumped his fist and smiled.

"You’re happy with Rez, I’m happy with Bro, you were right about stopping stuff and I was wrong." John said simply, and Dave raised an eyebrow. "I’m pretty sure you said everything that needed to be said, other than me telling you I’m sorry I was such an idiot about everything and I’m sorry I hurt your feelings."

"You sure? I mean. I feel like we need some kind of heart to heart where everyone ends up crying and eating loads of ice-cream or something."

"Well, tomorrow we can sit down with a tub of ice-cream and sob about it if you want, Dave, but I’m totally cool with saying you were right and we’ll talk about it again when and if you want to."

Dave rocked in place, then nodded, turning away. "I can deal with that." He murmured quietly. "But only if next time I say we need to talk you deal with it and don’t storm off."

"You have my word." John replied melodramatically, placing a hand over his heart and bowing his head. "Next time I will totally avoid being an asshole and running off before we’re done talking."

"That better be true, Egbert. I mean it."

"So do I. Now come on, you were telling me about how Vriska is going to try and set some irons on fire or something."

"Put irons _in_ fires, John, keep up." The Texan drawled, turning in place and moving back over to the couches. As John followed and settled, Dirk paused in his excited ramblings long enough to wave at them, and John waved back, noticing English flinch and rub at his chest just as Dirk turned back to him.

"Are you alright, Jake?" The robot asked, clearly concerned, and English gave him a small smile, nodding.

"I’m fine, Dirk. Just an ache, that’s all."

Dirk frowned for a moment longer, then started talking again, something about boats and far away places and all the things he wanted to do in them. John listened for a moment, before Dave had snapped his fingers in front of his face with a _yo, John, attention over here, bro_ and set off on his own meandering vocal path again.

The day passed quickly, and it wasn’t long before Terezi was suddenly hopping up onto Dave’s lap, and John was being nudged up so Bro could squeeze in next to him, slinging an arm over his shoulders. Mom called out a television that slid out of the ceiling with a slurred ta-dah and flicked through channels with some tacky wand remote that left Rose flinching, until she found something with a suitable countdown on and settled down perched precariously on Dad’s knee.

The whole group were gathered to watch and talk, and Mom got up again just before the countdown started properly, returning with a tray of champagne flutes and starting to hand them out unsteadily.

Dad made a sound at the point she offered a glass to Dave.

"Roxy-"

"Aww, come _on_ , it’s one little glass an’ it’s a special occasion! Let the babies have some too." She fluttered her eyelashes, and he looked like he was going to complain, though she continued passing glasses to Terezi, Bro and John. "Mumma promises, just the one, then she’ll stop drinkin’ too, honest."

"For the night, I assume." Dad replied a little wearily, and she hesitated, then nodded.

"For the night. Lil’ steps, baby. Lil’ steps."

Her fiancé waved a hand in silent agreement, and she continued, moving on and leaving John sniffing suspiciously at his glass. He’d drunk before, yeah, whether or not he should have done - but not champagne. It smelled kind of sweet, and he watched the bubbles streaming up inside it before Bro snickered next to him and he looked around to the Strider watching him with a smirk.

"What?"

"You look like a baby staring at one of those bubble tubes, John." The Texan murmured warmly, leaning in and kissing his head. "You’re fucking kawaii."

"Shoosh." John stuck his tongue out in a totally mature way, then settled back, nestling into the crook of Bro’s arm with his head against the Strider’s shoulder. "Do you have any resolutions?"

"To get my shit together and to spend more time with Dave." Bro answered smoothly, in the voice of someone who’d spent a long time thinking it over. "You?"

"To listen to Karkat and Dad more."

"That’s a pretty good choice right there."

"I thought it was." John mumbled sheepishly, and was kissed amongst his hair, Bro's arm sliding down to hug him close. "I guess I'd also resolve to be more sensible about me and you."

"John, if we were being _sensible_ , we wouldn't be together."

"Alright, then. To be less of a stupid jerk about it."

"There we go, that's better." The countdown was starting in earnest now, and Bro sighed, nuzzling into his hair. "I'm gonna try and move on, too." John heard him murmur, only just loud enough to be heard. "It's about fucking time."

_Move on from what?_ John thought, but the others were starting to count out loud, and he decided to leave the question for some other time. Instead he focused on moving to face Bro, ignoring the television in favour of watching the Texan smile and look fondly back at him, hand stroking his back and then rising to tangle in his dark hair.

The numbers rose in volume as they dropped rapidly towards zero, and John had only just started leaning in when Bro pushed forward, the eruption of noise on the set behind him insubstantial compared to the ever welcome feeling of Bro's lips covering his with heat and softness, before his moment of shock passed and it split to slick eagerness and passion, his free arm curving around Bro's neck and tugging him closer. It took a lot not to spill the champagne and just grab his fiancé, but he resisted, kissing over and over in embraces so close together he was barely aware their lips had parted at all. He was soaring, and happy, and lost in the moment, until Bro nudged him back and the world returned to him, rushing in like sea water was rushing out of his ears in turn.

"Seb you little piece of nauseatingly sweet scrap metal-!"

John looked over his shoulder to where Karkat and Jade were sat, Seb hanging between them with an arm on each of their shoulders. John was puzzled for a moment, until Karkat snapped again. "You don't just jump in the way of kisses you little shit now you got two kisses and I got none and that's not really numbers I like so either give me back the shitting kiss you just stole or politely fuck back down to the floor and let me actually _make out with my shitlicking girlfriend you rabbity cunt._ " 

Jade giggled as Seb dropped, shushing Karkat when he opened his mouth again. "It was cute." She told him, with a grin. "And besides, you can kiss me all the time now, Karkat!"

Karkat paused and blushed, and she took advantage, lunging into a big embrace that left them sprawled over the carpet, Karkat's glass spilling everywhere. John snickered, and glanced around the others, Mom still fixed to Dad's face (oh no sloppy parental makeouts BLUH) and Dave complaining about _fucking New Year kisses not licks what the fuck Rez_ , with the other two couples looking more pleased with their outcomes. He turned back to Bro, leaning their foreheads together and smiling, feeling happy he'd just been able to kiss him without hiding away in a bedroom or being told that that was all they could do.

"Babies!" Mom declared, having finally let his father breathe. "Babies, Mumma wants your attens... etansh... Oh fuck's sake all y'all look at me, Mumma's talkin'."

The room turned to her as directed, with Jade whispering an audible apology and pouring half of her drink into Karkat's glass. Mom raised her own, smiling at them, sweeping it unsteadily to gesture at them all.

"We've come a long way, bubbas." She crooned, "But we gotta keep on chuggin' an' aim for the stars. Mumma's proud a y'all. You're the best family ever, for reals. To the future, an' all that other schmancy shit." She raised the glass, and there was a general raising back. "That's how I do a toaster thing, right baby?" She added to Dad, who laughed and kissed her cheek.

"I'm sure it will suffice." He told her gently, and she beamed and downed her glass, everyone else following suit. John spluttered as the fizz went up his nose and then elbowed Bro when the Texan just laughed at him, before he softened again, snuggling up to him and smiling against his shoulder.

"I'm looking forward to this year." John murmured, and Bro squeezed him, chuckling in a much gentler way.

"Me too, John." He replied softly, just above the excited blare of the television. "Me too."

.:.

This time he didn't feel panicked when he sat up in his bedroom at home, the woman in blue perched on the edge of his bed.

John blinked for a moment to settle his memories of his previous dreams as they resurfaced with more clarity, and then relaxed, giving her a still slightly wary smile as she gave him a warm, welcoming one back. The silence drew out for a few moments, and she delicately slid a neat blue nail around the curve of her ear to tuck a few black strands of hair behind it before John cleared his throat and her attention (and probably her gaze too, though with the white he couldn't tell) focused back on him. 

"So how did things go, John?" She asked pleasantly, clasping her hands neatly in her lap. "You seem more yourself, tonight."

"I worked things out, with a bit of help." He replied cheerfully, though still with a slight, nervous edge. "I mean it hurt? Like, a _lot_. But things are better now! I'm starting to mend what I messed up with and it feels really good."

"I'm proud of you," The woman said with a broader smile, reaching over to lay a hand lightly on his knee. "Though you still have a long way to go. The mountain is tall and the climb is hard, but it will reward you, if you go the distance."

"I know, and I'm going to stick with it! I really am."

John looked around the bedroom, familiar and a welcome sight that he realised he'd been missing. It was home, and he was looking forward to being back for real, in his bed with his posters and his silly toys. His... _visitor_ \- he really wasn't totally sure how else to describe her - smoothed her dress and picked at a few loose fibres as he settled back to watch her, and he chewed his lip, pondering her.

"Why _do_ I keep meeting you like this?" He asked eventually, slowly and curious, and she hesitated, then turned her face to him, even as he felt himself already starting to wake up.

"I'm just a dream, John." He heard, as his thoughts started to blur with the harsh buzz of reality. "How would I possibly know that?"

.:.

The week passed with that awful feeling of time accelerating and slipping through his fingers faster than he could grasp for it. Before Christmas, it had all felt like it was dragging out, heavy with emotion and strained with hurt. Now he was having more fun, and the others were more pleased to share his company, the time was light and quick and darting past in what felt like hours, not days.

It only felt slower and calmer at night, hiding beneath tented blankets and murmuring softly in hushed voices like someone else might hear if they spoke too loud. Roaming hands and lazy embraces that led to falling asleep draped across a living mattress with that sort of slow abruptness that only happened when he was dropping off.

His days fell into a pleasant routine. Wake up and shower with Bro, have an inevitable argument about the blonde styling his hair, eat breakfast and then hang out with his friends until he helped Dad with lunch or dinner, whichever one his father wanted him for that day, while Dad engaged him in conversations that ranged from him just raving about his current favourite films right the way through to discussing Dad’s admittedly poor attempts at stopping smoking, and how John could attempt to help him, although the suggestion about just removing his pipes was met with outright horror. After they ate and cleaned up the kitchen - and on one or two days changed clothes themselves, thanks to the gambit and their nature of attempting to fill it without warning - they would sit with everyone like a big family around the fire for the evening at the request of Mom, until John started yawning and headed back to bed with a cheerful goodnight, his fiancé in tow.

It was against his cosy schedule to be woken up too early by Bro complaining about needing to pack, and it took him a moment of drowsy disbelief to confirm that the week was already over. John sat up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes, and glumly watched as their cases were both thrown onto the bed, Bro’s still just as full as it had been when he dragged it over into John’s room several days before.

"I wish I could slow down time or something." The shorter man complained, catching the shirt Bro chucked in his direction. He pulled it on, mind briefly trying to form some following joke about Dave for reasons that puzzled him as his head escaped again and he groped for his glasses. "I don’t want to go home yet."

"What you wanna do isn’t really gonna slow down our flights and shit, John." Well at least there was one upside! He loved flying, planes were awesome, and he’d spend all day with his face crammed up against a tiny window, watching the mountains of cloud drifting by below. "Come on, get up, we don’t have much time thanks to you deciding cuddling last night was more important than packing early."

"It totally _was_ more important."

"And packing is important now, so shift your ass before I strife you out of bed."

There was a serious edge to his words, and John decided not to risk it, getting up and stretching before he went hunting for his boxers. He found them somehow hanging from a shuriken he couldn’t even remember being embedded in the wall, unhooking them and then turning to squint at Bro.

"What?" The Strider asked calmly, not even pausing in folding up the few pieces of spare clothing he’d had out.

"How... _How_ do you get this shit through customs?"

"John, I have to get a fucking _robot_ through customs, weaponry is a piece of cake by comparison. I stick in all in my strife deck and then I put my strife deck somewhere they ain’t gonna check that certainly ain’t equipped." Bro made little grabby motions, and John caught on, turning and managing to pull the blade out of the wall with some difficulty before he offered it back. "As it so happens, I may have called in a few favours and the plane we flew in on may not have been a commercial flight, and there may not have been a security check to get through."

"You guys came on a _private plane_?"

"Maybe. Don’t look at me like that." He added, glaring at John’s expression of disbelief. "Look, Dirk wanted to fly on a plane, and I knew the amount of mess we’d end up in if I tried to take him through security. I pulled strings so we could do it because he was too excited to say no to. When I figure out a way to fuck with sensors and make him look human enough to pass a checkpoint, then we can go commercial. Right now? John he has red eyes that fucking glow, those are going to raise a few questions before he even puts his hood down."

"...I guess." John conceded, though he paused, and frowned. "Bro why had you stuck my underwear to a wall with a ninja star?"

"Why not?" Bro waved a hand dismissively, giving a small smirk. "You said not to put them on the floor."

"I meant put them on a chair not pin them up with exotic weaponry like they’re some kind of trophy!"

"Sweetheart, if you think this is bad, you aren’t gonna survive a _day_ actually living with me."

"Can we at least start with some kind of ground rule that we do not mix weapons and underwear?"

Bro sucked in a breath, tutting. "John, would you be happy if I told you to never watch another movie again?"

"What? No! Of course not!"

"Then don’t ask me to give up the ways of irony. They’re not a hobby, they’re a _lifestyle_." Bro gained a look of emotional conviction, putting a hand over his heart. "They’re part of who I am, John, I can’t change like that, I just can’t!"

"Bro..."

"Seriously though," He dropped back instantly to a deadpan. "Don’t ask too many questions about how I do shit, John, usually even I don’t know the answer."

John rolled his eyes as obviously as he could, but Bro just turned to keep packing, John reluctantly following suit a minute later. He stuffed his things into the case with less care, and just as he zipping it up Bro caught his hand, lifting it and gently kissing the heart on his engagement ring.

"I need to get you a ring, when I can." John mumbled, blushing slightly, and Bro smiled back, running a thumb over the metal.

"There’s no rush. We’ve got time, John, you know that."

They shared a brief kiss, before the Strider was dragging both cases off the bed, and John searched the room to check nothing was forgotten. With one last look around from the doorway, John followed Bro off down the corridor, managing to take his own case from him and tug it himself as they emerged out into the main hall, the others already in a cluster by the door.

"Fucking finally, we’ve been waiting like idiots while you did whatever the heck took you an hour longer than you were told to take." Karkat muttered, as John stopped next to him. "I appreciate you want to get one last fuck or something in but they’re not going to ground our goddamn flight just to give you long enough to get your dick stuck in an ass in every way that can fucking well mean, John."

"We weren’t fucking, Karkat, we were packing." John hissed back, and Karkat snorted.

"Everyone else packed last night, holy shit, did you really have to leave it until we are _literally leaving_?"

John blew a quiet raspberry at him and Karkat swore back, before Dad had appeared from outside and headed straight towards them, catching Bro’s arm as well when the Texan went to move out of his way.

"We need to discuss David’s party." Dad told them, once he had them in a group, English overseeing moving bags out to waiting taxis behind him. "I gather that there are arrangements to be made regarding people being picked up and such."

"Yeah, but nothing concrete yet." Bro replied with a shrug. "So sorry if you need times or shit."

"Actually, I do not need times, I was going to recommend some. Rather than just come on the day itself, I was tempted to suggest John stay for a week, which I am sure you will take no issue with."

"-Oh." Bro paused, giving Dad a look of suspicion, as John grinned eagerly. "Yeah, I mean... That would be pretty chill. Any... particular reason for that, bro?"

"More time with David and yourself," The older man answered, calmly, brushing a hand over his chin. "Less time between visits, which we still need to discuss at length, Strider." Bro nodded, and John nodded too, "And also selfishly a little time for me to do things around the house with one less person in it. I am going to clean that room whether or not you wish me to, John, I can never find anything in there."

John paused, weighing up Dad going through his stuff with a trip to Houston, finally deciding it was worth it. "Cool! I don’t mind. Thanks, Dad!"

"I had... one request." Dad continued, slowly, and Bro raised an eyebrow at him.

"Actually..." Karkat mumbled, making John remember he was still there and instantly having their attention turned towards him. " _I_ had a request. I know we don’t see eye to fucking eye about a lot of shit but I was hoping you could stomach my face for that week, too. There’s stuff I need to get done in Texas and this is my best shot at spending time there, anytime soon anyway. I’ll get if you don’t want to suffer my fucking presence but I thought I’d ask on the dumb longshot that you can somehow deal with me for longer than five fucking-"

"Karkat," Bro said firmly, stopping the rant his voice was speeding into. "Shut the fuck up. You can stay as long as you’re cool on the couch or in with Dave. I don’t actually have a problem with you, other than you reminding me of what a shit I can be, so lay off on the emotional revelations and we should be fine, alright? Calm down."

Karkat blinked, then went red, hunching his shoulders so his face was partly hidden in his scarf and jumper, a quiet, muffled, _thanks_ just audible in the quiet.

"Don’t you think you should ask Dave?" John asked, as he remembered the conversation he’d shared with the coolkid, and decided this probably counted as something he should be told about. Bro shrugged, looking over his shoulder.

"Yo, Davey, Kitkat and John are coming to stay for a week ‘round your party, that cool?"

"Hell yes." Dave’s voice answered from behind the case he was carrying, and Bro nodded, turning back to John as Karkat whispered _Kitkat_ under his breath, eyes narrow.

"There we go. Problem sorted. Dave’s cool, you two are staying, I’ll sort travel with Jake in the next few days. I hope you two are cool travelling via demonic fucking dog."

"Oh God, not the fucking dog. Holy shit I will _walk_ to you assholes, don’t make me take the dog."

"Aw, come on, Karkat! It’ll be fun!" John nudged him, and Karkat shuddered.

"You know a year ago my life didn’t involve any fucking robots or rabbits or teleporting canines."

"Well now it does, and now it’s awesome. Hey, where _is_ Seb?" John added, noticing the pointed lack of long ears about Karkat’s person.

"I don’t know. He came to say goodnight last night and I haven’t seen him since."

"I’m sure he’ll turn up." Bro said dismissively, "He has a habit of pulling this shit."

Their discussion apparently over, Dad returned to Mom after a curt goodbye to Bro, and Karkat and John moved to say goodbye to their friends, getting a fistbump and a _see you soon, dudes_ from Dave, and Rose and Kanaya telling them how wonderful it was to have seen them. Terezi gave John a warm smile and then tried to lick his cheek, which he flailed away from as she cackled. Then she turned to Karkat, hugging him tightly, making his fading blush return with force.

"It’s been fun, Karkles." She told him as she let go, giving him a broad smile. "Don’t you ever stop being you."

"...Thanks." He mumbled, gaze on the floor, before Dad was calling and he hurried off towards him. John headed back to Bro, instead, hugging him as he reached him, squeezing him tightly and giving him a firm kiss.

"Only a few weeks." Bro reminded him, and John beamed, nodding.

"Only a few weeks, and you better be on Pesterchum." He corrected, lightly poking Bro in the chest. "I’ll still miss you."

"I’ll still miss you too, sweetheart."

One more squeeze and then they let go, and with a smile and one last fistbump that made him snicker, John was hurrying off after Dad and Karkat and Jade, getting caught for a big sloppy kiss on his cheek from Mom, before he was outside and waving over his shoulder to a chorus of goodbyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *aggressively crab dances away to finish the next chapter*
> 
> (\/)(o w o)(\/)  
> (|)(o w o)(|)  
> (\/)(o w o)(\/)


	113. ==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's glad to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ hello friends i am here ~
> 
> But seriously, um, hi! Wow. Life is complicated and a lot of shit has gone down recently, from another big project at work to meeting Gobetti in the flesh (all the way from Brazil it was fuCKING ACE) and everything just got away from me.
> 
> But! LOOK. A chapter!
> 
> Enjoy it and I've got some questions at the end, so please lend me your ears o romans and countrymen, or rather your eyes, this being text...
> 
> sO ANYWAY THE CHAPTER

He collapsed onto his bed as soon as he’d dragged his case upstairs, humming contentedly into the familiar pillows, his bunny slumping forward on them to bump against his head. After a moment of just savouring it, savouring being _home_ , John sat and propped the rabbit back up, smiling fondly at it. He already missed his friends, he already missed Bro, but man, he’d missed home a lot too, and being back felt great! They’d got back, and after letting John and Jade relax for a while Dad had told him to get everything up here and then make himself look vaguely respectable. After a minute or two to just look around and smile stupidly at his room, John hunted out a new shirt, one with actual buttons, putting it on and even bothering to do up the cuffs.

He examined himself, noting how tight the shirt was getting around his shoulders. Man, was he going to need to go shopping for clothes _again_? It felt like hardly any time had passed and he was outgrowing clothes faster than he could buy them, these days. It sucked! He’d even had to stop wearing some of his favourite old shirts. Hopefully he was going to actually settle soon, so he could finally actually buy a wardrobe and stay wearing it, and hopefully it would be quick enough he’d still be able to wear all his new clothes from Christmas.

"John!" Dad called from downstairs, and he snapped out of his thoughts, calling back a _coming_ before he grabbed a comb and briefly attacked his mess of hair. It barely shifted at all, looking just as curly and unruly as ever, and in the end he grimaced and relented, tossing the plastic back onto the table and then jogging out of the door, down to the living room.

Dad was waiting by the kitchen in a shirt with rolled up sleeves, tie still impeccable around his neck, not even the flight or struggling with the bags having messed it up at all. Then again to be honest John was the only one who’d _struggled_ with his bag, and Jade and Dad had both offered to help him as they carried their larger cases like they were filled with feathers. He wasn’t even weak! He just happened to live in a house with two people who were _stupidly strong._

"Jade went to go and assist Karkat with his things." Dad offered, casting his gaze thoughtfully over John’s form and then moving forward to straighten his collar. "And to meet his father’s new dog, I gather from all the excited talking about it as she left. Droog will be here shortly, and I would like to actually introduce you to him. Hopefully you and he will get along."

"I’m sure we’ll be _fine_!" He replied as he swatted at the hands still adjusting his shirt. "Dad, my shirt looks totally okay. You can leave it alone, you know."

"The buttons are a little-"

" _Dad._ "

His father paused, then sighed and relented, giving a small nod. "You’re right, you’re right. You look quite passable."

"I’ll take that as a compliment."

"Though you know I _could_ get you a tie-"

"Oh my God, Dad." John laughed, then patted his shoulder, shaking his head firmly. "No. We just got back and I’m just meeting your friend, I don’t need to be in a full three-piece suit." Dad opened his mouth to clearly suggest the opposite, and John raised his eyebrows until Dad closed his mouth and awkwardly rubbed at the back of his neck. "Relax, okay? I’m sure everything will go fine and then I’ll know him and he’ll know me and that’ll be that, right?"

"...Yes. Yes, of course." His father gave a small smile. "I am being a little... My apologies. I was going to make cupcakes." He added in far calmer tones. "Did you want to help me?"

"Sure!"

They were just putting the first tray of what would soon be delicious cakes in the oven when the doorbell rang. Dad instantly patted his back and told him to finish with the cakes, vanishing out and leaving John cocking an ear towards the door as he slid in the second tray. He heard the front door, and the same greeting as they’d exchanged over camera, before there was the subtle squeak of the couch being sat on and a low, polite murmur of voices that he couldn’t quite make out.

It felt pretty obvious that Dad was waiting for him to go out rather than coming to get him, and John took a few moments to just rinse and dry his hands before he pulled off his apron and threw it haphazardly onto the countertop, heading into the lounge with what he hoped was a friendly enough smile. He felt a little nervous, but only because Dad seemed so intent on him making a good first impression! He didn’t want to let Dad down. Not again.

The man sat on the couch was familiar to him from the video at Christmas, but John was struck a lot more by how young he was, seeing him in person. He looked a few years older than John - hell, he _was_ a few years older than John - but he still carried himself with a far more mature air as he stood and offered a hand, pale silver-brown eyes looking over the younger man with a critical coolness. His face remained blank as John shook his hand, and it wasn’t the same sort of calculated emptiness that the Striders used. It was genuine calm, thoughtfulness, stoicness, and it only broke when he arched a clearly shaped eyebrow, making a soft tutting noise with a click of his tongue.

"That shirt would look far better with a tie." He remarked casually, and Dad made a sound that might have been a snicker as John raised a hand to cover his top few buttons defensively. "Something dark green. You know, I’m sure I’ve got a suitable offering-"

"Droog, I have been trying for years to expunge the benefits of ties to him," Dad interrupted, "I hardly expect you to have any more luck that I have done."

"Then you underestimate me." His friend responded calmly, before swatting at John’s hand. "We can be introduced once you look at least as respectable as Slick. Come on, a tie isn’t going to harm you, be glad I’m not waiting for you to put on a full suit."

"Is this how you say hello to everyone?" John muttered, mostly to himself, as he reluctantly lowered his hand and stared at the tie that instantly appeared between Droog’s fingers. "Oh my God are you seriously going to put that thing on me?"

"Hold still." Was the only answer given, and as it was looped around his neck and delicately tied in a perfect knot. John glared around Droog’s arm at Dad, who was trying not to smirk and failing, mouthing an apologetic _I did try to tell you_ before Droog pulled the tie tight and John made a little choking noise more out of shock than actual pressure. "There. Much better." Droog smoothed it down, before bowing his head slightly. "Hello, Jonathan. It’s nice to finally meet you."

"It’s John." He answered awkwardly, and Droog nodded curtly. "Uh... hello... Mister Droog?"

"Just Droog or sir will suffice."

"...Droog." _Sir_ sounded way too formal, and a little... _creepy_. "Right."

"You could use a haircut." Droog announced, after a moment more of deep observation. John's cheeks heated up, and he gave a little splutter.

"Seriously, _this_ is how you say hi? Hey, you there, put on a tie and cut your hair!"

"It's merely a statement. You clearly lack your father's skill with a razor."

"Hey, my hair is totally cool and stuff!"

"A fashion clearly set by designers who grew tired of using a brush in the mornings." Droog told him with that same casually air as he retrieved a cigarette and ornate lighter from his pocket and lit it with a practised flick of his wrist. John glared up at his own, neatly trimmed black hair, all swept and set perfectly into place. "But I suppose it suits you. You have a few years of silly frivolities left before you need to look more respectable constantly. I suppose you aren’t trying to pull in any guys or ladies with that mess so you can probably get away with it."

John narrowed his eyes as Droog sat back down, smoothing his jacket and then offering an expectant hand to Dad without looking away from John.

"I got him in a tie."

"Yes, you did. I wasn’t expecting blunt force to work, but still..." Dad drew out his wallet, pulling out a twenty and passing it over. John stared at them as Droog folded it and tucked it away in his own pocket.

"...You made a bet about getting me in a tie?" He asked incredulously, and Droog gave him a very thin, very polite smile.

"We may have done. Are you going to sit or do you have something against chairs?" He asked with a satisfied air, and watched John settle opposite him and fold his arms in an almost childish manner. "Relax, being moody suits you less than that tie does."

Muttering darkly, John tugged the offending article back off, screwing it up and throwing it at Dad’s head and not feeling at all surprised when Droog caught it in midair, folding it neatly away. Dad was giving him a _don’t blame me_ look and Droog was focusing on his cigarette, and John squinted across at them, suddenly not sure this was a good idea _at all_.

"I’ve heard a lot about you. Admittedly what I’ve heard from your father is a little better than what I’ve heard from the boss."

"Um. Do I _want_ to know what Mister Slick says about me?"

"No." Droog answered simply. "And I am pretty sure I could not even translate some of the Spanish he used. I only learnt how to show respect in that language, you see."

"Stabdad speaks Spanish?"

"He’s from Costa Rica, what did you expect, Russian?"

John opened his mouth, then shut it again, frowning. He knew Karkat muttered to himself sometimes in another language, and he guessed he now knew which one! He’d never heard them speak it in front of him out loud, though. Then again, that was probably them being polite, just like Dad had stopped randomly calling him in Korean now Jade was around, not that he was beyond bothering him in it when they were alone to make sure he’d actually kept up with studying it.

Dad was offering Droog a coffee while he stayed silent, and then vanished off into the kitchen, leaving the two of them awkwardly alone.

"Y’know, your old man is a good guy."

John blinked, looking over at him as Droog gave a small shrug of both shoulders, still watching the glowing tip of his cigarette. "He’s done a lot for me, and from what I hear you’re not that bad. Slick’s a little... overprotective, of Karkat. Figures you were more than a little callous with him and hasn’t bothered finding out the whole story. I have, because Karkat is more interesting to listen to than his father thinks, and I think you were just stupid. Really, really stupid."

"Wow, gee, thanks." The younger man muttered, cheeks heating up.

"Stupid is better than cruel, in my book." Droog continued, spreading his hands in a show of peace. "I wouldn’t even spare you breath if you’d actually fucked up that kid, I assure you. We haven’t got anything in common and I don’t expect you to like me. I tend to be too blunt to make many friends."

"Well, Dad’s your friend, right?"

"Yes. I am still trying to work out how the fuck that happened, trust me, but he’s a decent man and I want to do my best to at least have you as an acquaintance, because you mean a lot to him and that means your wellbeing matters a lot to me." He paused, letting smoke roll out from his lips in a small cloud before he blew it away and focused more intently on John. "Anyone ever gives you trouble, you let me know."

"Um-"

"Slick doesn’t owe you any favours but I owe your father more than I can count, so if you ever need anything done, or need something found or whatever, you tell me and I’ll get it dealt with, long as you don’t take advantage of that kindness."

"You know how bad that sounds, right?" John hazarded, "Like, _anything_ I want done, or anyone giving me _trouble_?"

"It sounded exactly how I meant it to." Droog replied, casual as ever. John's eyes widened a little as he felt at a loss about what to think, and it didn't go unnoticed. "Don’t look at me like that," The older man continued, looking down at his cigarette, "Calm the fuck down. It’s an offer, John. Offers have this wonderful thing where you can actually turn them down."

"Um. I’ll bear it in mind?"

Droog nodded curtly, glancing to the kitchen as the door opened and Dad emerged with a tray, offering Droog a mug and John a glass of juice. Then he settled with his own cup and gave them a silent appraisal to try to tell their mood, and John managed a weak smile. That may have been the weirdest, most filled-with-possibly-illegal-actions offering of friendship he’d ever received, but it was still definitely an attempt at one! And that was cool. He would work with it, and they could get on! He was sure of it.

As long as he avoided asking Droog for anything. _Ever_.

The two older men were sipping their drinks and talking between themselves, and John was content to sit drinking juice and letting his mind wander, though it quickly looped back to actually focusing on the scene before him. It was nice seeing Dad talk emphatically, with all the hand gestures and slightly silly faces John knew he only used when he was actually relaxing. It was nice seeing him laugh and for once not have a single ounce of worry showing in his face. When he spoke about Christmas and his proposal and quickly had John joining in as they spoke about Mom’s reaction, he had the smile John had inherited on his face, and the conversation between the two of them flowed easily, even easier than when they’d stood together in the Lalonde’s kitchen.

It was nice just having Dad back, the same Dad who emptied his prankster’s gambit and left surprise pastries lurking where he least expected them, the same Dad who he’d pushed away before he’d realised what he was going to miss out on.

"Are you and Rose alright with all of this?" Dad asked, and it took John a moment to realise it was directed at him, and a moment longer for his cheeks to flush because how could he have ever thought it had been directed at Droog?

"Uh, yeah!" He laughed, rubbing his chin. "I mean, it was kind of a surprise, but we’d known for ages that you two were together, so it wasn’t totally unexpected? Rose will be a cool sister! I think she just wants you two to keep the whole sloppy parental makeouts thing to a minimum in front of her, though."

"I will do my best to curb Miss Lalonde in polite company, when I can." Dad chuckled. "I am glad. I was a little nervous I should have perhaps asked you both-"

"Dad, wow, no. You didn’t need to ask us, that’s not how it works."

"I just felt like I should have asked _someone_ , as her parents are no longer with us. I was always taught that it is just... that it’s the _proper_ way to do it. I mean I can forgive Strider not asking me, I gather he was not aware too far in advance it was a question that needed asking, but still..." He shrugged as John drowned out his nervous laugh with the juice, remembering his own, slightly petulant insistence on what Bro should do. "When I wanted to ask your mother to marry me, I had to approach _her_ mother."

John’s attention quickly fixed on him as Dad stared into space, giving a little shudder. They were doing the _talking about his Mom_ thing again. After all the years where that was practically forbidden, it still felt a little bizarre. "Your grandmother was a terrifying woman." His Nanna wasn’t scary at all, and that thought crossed his mind before he remembered it wasn’t _her_ Dad was talking about. His grandmother. Oh wow, he had had _two_ of those. "She was lost in what they decided to term a boating accident a year after you were born, and I would say it were tragic were she not apparently trying to commandeer the other vessel involved at the time. I never really liked her, and she considered me far too dull for the attentions of her daughter. When I asked her about the engagement she laughed and then when she realised I actually _meant_ it she came up with this bizarre series of challenges for me that from anyone else I would have thought a joke. I attempted them all; well, the legal ones, anyway. In the end she gave me her blessing because she enjoyed my tenacity and the passion with which I defended my request, though she made it insufferably clear she still thought her daughter could have done far better."

"What would you have done if she’d said no?" John asked, curious, and Dad snorted.

"If it were anyone else, I would have accepted their request." He said calmly, before his voice changed to a sharper tone, "As it was? With that insane hag I probably would have eloped with you mother, though knowing the level of that woman’s psychotic nature she probably would have come sailing straight after us with some ridiculous cutlass in hand. I don’t like to talk ill of people, John, but I am afraid I cannot bring myself to feel anything but a sense of relief that she had no part in raising you."

"Was she really that bad?"

"Yes." Dad said flatly. Droog made an amused sound into his drink.

John mulled it over, then decided to keep going, Dad apparently in a sharing mood.

"Mom wasn’t anything like her, was she?" He asked. His father paused, then gave the easiest laugh John had ever heard leave him when they were talking about his Mom.

"Oh, Lord forbid, no, she was nothing like that! I puzzled for years over how they were related, they were absolutely nothing alike beyond a love of adventure and a habit of talking for hours, if you let them." He smiled warmly, and though there was a little hurt in his eyes, it was quiet, and wrapped up in more positive things. "John, your mother was a wonderful woman. She aspired to have her mother’s confidence, which to be honest I would have called arrogance, but she was a completely different person and the best I have ever known."

"So, um. What was _she_ like?"

"Intelligent, caring, a little lost in her own world, at times. Incredibly helpful, and loyal to her friends. Especially her best friends, I think she would have done anything to keep Meenah safe from harm." He nursed his mug fondly, sipping a little more coffee before he continued. "She worked as a writer, mostly. Informative articles about people and places for magazines, sometimes travel pieces about the places we used to go together. She always wanted to write fantasy stories, adventures, and she did, filled huge books with them from a young age right up until- well. You understand. She just never quite had the courage to get them published."

"Did you ever read them?" He didn’t know any of this. He’d _wanted_ to know things like this! John couldn’t stop himself shuffling forward a little in his chair, not wanting to change subject out of fear he’d never get Dad to be this open again.

"Every one of them- well, no, some of them I listened to." Dad’s smile grew smaller but warmer as he looked down into his drink without seeing. "After you were born she would sit on our bed with you in her lap and her book in front of you so you could see all the pictures, and she would read them to you until you fell asleep. Oh, she adored it. She adored you. You know you left little handprints on the book sometimes, where your hands were messy and I hadn’t quite cleaned them right, and she never cleared them from the pages. Said they added character. Said they were your contribution to her work. You always looked so proud when she thanked you for making a new mark..." His voice faded, and John gave a slightly pained nod, cursing the dust that had clearly got into his eyes and made them sting.

"I kinda wish I remembered that." He said aloud, and Dad looked up to him.

"There are a lot of things I wish you remembered. We used to go on trips together, all of us, and she carried you most of it even when I insisted she should let me do it so she could rest. You’d sit on her shoulders and the two of you would be off chasing butterflies, or searching through pools for crabs, or running along with your arms out pretending you could fly." Dad paused, then glanced at the ceiling, starting, "You know, I think I even have some pic-"

He was drowned out by a loud, angry knocking on the door, and John felt let down when Dad collected himself and stood to answer it, not actually ready to let this conversation go yet. Almost optimistically, he put down his glass and followed Dad a few steps towards the door, but when it opened the first thing he heard was an irritated voice snapping, "Can I talk to John?"

He knew straight away the conversation was lost, because Dad was looking at him expectantly, and Karkat was right outside and probably wouldn’t take no for an answer.

It couldn’t be that important, whatever it was! He sighed and slouched over, and Karkat grunted at him in greeting, arms folded and Seb perched on his shoulder.

"Hey, Karkat! What’s up?"

There was a pause, Karkat staring at him incredulously, before John realised and blinked and looked at the rabbit that should have been in Houston, who waved cheerfully back.

"Um-?"

"He hid in my fucking bag and I don’t know how the fuck he got through security he probably fucking climbed out and back in or something but I really need you to talk to your cunt of a fiance so I can figure out how to get the little metal bunnydick home."

"Bunnydick." John repeated as he ushered Karkat in, Dad closing the door behind them and moving back to Droog as John reluctantly led the way to his room, away from the talk he really wanted to have.

"That’s his new title. He earned it by being a stubborn little piece of horseshit who had to concoct some stupid plan so full of complex fuckery that even a fucking Bond villain would’ve taken a few steps back and gone hey there asshole don’t you think this is kind of unnecessary?" Karkat waved his hands, face twisting. "He compacted half my clothes into fucking cubes so there was space for him then he moved some of my shit into Jade’s case so mine didn’t weigh any extra and he climbed out or something to ninja the fuck around the TSA and as if that wasn’t bad enough when I found him in my case he stole my phone and my laptop and Jade’s phone too and hid them in Shangri-La or somewhere just as shitting obscure and left me without a way to communicate online so rather than tell Stabdad oh hey look it’s a _metal fucking robot rabbit_ I had to get Jade to distract him so I could march over here to you and say _will you please get your shitting boyfriend to come and get his grandson rabbit thing back!_ "

Karkat panted, arms flung out, and John waited a second before coughing. "Are you done, dude?"

"I’m done." Karkat confirmed gruffly, folding his arms again. "I’m just pissed. What if something had happened to him? I actually give enough of a shit about him that I fretted like some jumpy preschool teacher when a kid’s bumped his knee when I found him, I was checking him over like I’d find some scratch on his delicate titanium behind."

"Calm down, sit down. He’s okay, and I can call Bro and we can figure something out, alright?"

His friend nodded and took up residence on the bed, folding his legs and nudging Seb down until his small companion settled in his lap. The rabbit played with the frayed ends of his scarf as John switched his computer on and waited for it to load, strumming his fingers along the desk and trying to stay cool. He could keep talking to Dad later! He could. Everything would be fine and _why was it taking so long to load?_

Downstairs, he heard the door open again, and the murmur of voices before it shut. Had Droog left? Did that mean Dad was going to start unpacking again? If he did, would he even want John to disturb him? His strumming grew a little harder so he stopped as Karkat looked up at him warily, and focused instead on loading Pesterchum and opening a window with Bro, giving his pair of guests a single glance before he started to type.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 15:36 pm --

EB: hey bro!  
TT: Hey, John.  
TT: I take it you all got home safely, then.  
EB: yeah, we’re back, and i met dad’s friend that he wanted me to meet.  
EB: he’s pretty... interesting? i think.  
TT: Well we’re still trying to unpack, or we would be if Dave hadn’t fucked off within five minutes of us walking in and Dirk hadn’t decided that he was going to sit in his pile of clothes and fuzzy shit and talk about how glad he is to be home rather than actually helping me.  
EB: haven’t you been home ages though?  
TT: Did I forget the bit where I’m feeling too fucking lazy to do all of their work myself? Because that’s also a contributing factor here.  
TT: I’ve got more pressing matters to deal with. I think we lost some shit on the way back.  
EB: it wouldn’t happen to be small, metal and rabbit shaped, would it?  


The pause was enough.

TT: Karkat’s bag.  
EB: yep.  
TT: That little shit.  
EB: yep.  
TT: How the fuck are we even going to  
TT: Actually, fuck that, he can stay there until you visit.  
EB: shouldn’t i at least ask karkat first??  
TT: Will he say no?  
EB: maybe!!!  
TT: Then tough.  
TT: I hope he enjoys his new Seb.  
TT: It’s only temporary.  
EB: bro i can’t just tell karkat he now has seb until we come to you! what if he can’t have him around?  
TT: Then you’ll have to. It’s only a week or so, John, I’m sure you can cope.  
TT: Look I have to go try and convince Dirk that he can feel as many familiar sensations as he likes once he’s put his fucking laundry away, but I’ll talk to you later, I promise.  
TT: I love you.  
EB: i love you too but if stabdad gets mad about the seb thing i’m totally giving him your address.  
TT: I’d like to see him try.  


John swivelled his chair to face Karkat, who was looking at him expectantly, Seb now back up on one shoulder and apparently trying to braid his messy black hair. "So?" The shorter man asked cautiously.

"So Bro says he can come with us when we visit, but you’re kinda stuck with him until then."

" _Asshole!_ " Karkat cursed, putting his hands on his hips. "How the fuck do I even _begin_ explaining this to Dad?"

"I don’t know! I mean I can talk to my Dad and maybe Seb can stay here, but-"

The idea was dismissed by Seb dropping Karkat’s hair and drawing a miniature katana, which he pointed at John as he shuffled close to Karkat’s head. The two men exchanged a look, and then John spread his hands, shrugging. "Yeah, so, you’re on your own, Kar. It’s not that long! I’m sure it’ll be cool!"

"John, I seriously don’t know how Stabdad will take this, he gets angry about all kinds of shitting pointless stuff, I-"

"Whoa, hey, listen. If it’s seriously going to be a problem, I _will_ talk to my Dad, I mean it, and if it comes to it Seb will have to live with it. I know he wouldn’t want you to get hurt." The machine lowered the sword, shaking its head. "You don’t have to say anything to him if you don’t want to, Seb can just stay here and-"

"No. I want to talk to him, I don’t want to just chicken out or-"

"Karkat holy shit it isn’t chickening out if he’s going to fucking hurt you or something!"

Karkat fell silent, fidgeting with his hands in his lap, before shaking his head, face growing a little defiant. "I’ll be fine, John. He’s been getting a fuckton better and I need to start trusting him not to hurt me or all of his bullshit about trying is for nothing. This is a stupid little thing and it’s for like, a week, you’re right. If I can’t trust him to put down a fucking knife and be calm about this, what _can_ I trust him with?"

"It’s your call, Kar." John replied, glancing at his watch and wondering if Dad would still be thinking about that talk. It had been longer than he thought, and his face twisted before he caught it. Catching it hadn’t stopped Karkat noticing it, though, and when he looked back to his friend it was to an expression of concern.

"I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?" He asked carefully, "When I barged in with the dickbunny?"

"What? No, of course not." John replied with false joviality, and Karkat’s gaze grew closer to a glare. "I mean... Okay, maybe me and Dad were talking, but-"

"What were you talking about?"

"Uh. Nothing major. Just..." John smiled weakly, scratching at his stubble. "Just my Mom, and stuff-"

"Fuck." The instant response was muttered, but Karkat quickly gained back volume, standing abruptly. "Shit, sorry, you should’ve kicked me out, holy fuck I know you don’t talk about that and of course the _one_ fucking time you do I interrupt and I _thought_ you looked annoyed at me but I didn’t know why and I’m so fucking sorry, I-"

Seb hopped to the ground and waved at John before clasping Karkat’s hand in both of his, starting to tug the man out of the room as he continued his stream of curse-filled apologies. John stood and meandered after them, watching from his doorway as Karkat was tugged down the stairs. He resisted a little, but the rabbit persevered, and with barely a goodbye to the living room they were out of the front door, which shut with an accidental slam in their wake.

Silence fell, and John took a deep breath, hoping starting that conversation with Dad again wouldn’t be too awkward now they were alone.

"Ho-ly _shit_ you weren’t even lyin’ ‘bout the damn bunny thing."

Or not so alone. At _all _.__

John leant to peer over the bannister at the entrance to his Dad’s study, where Dad was passing drinks to Droog and a short, curvy woman who was regarding the door with a suspicious look behind electric pink framed glasses. He was pretty sure he’d never seen her before, but she still felt familiar, and he couldn’t help but shuffle forward to get a better look at her. Her black hair was partly shaved with the rest set into long, thin braids, and the small golden piercings and jewelry that were in abundance all across her stood out starkly against the dark tones of her skin, deepest where there was a thicker gathering of freckles on her face and arms. Her lips, painted the same colour as her glasses, were pulled in a pursed frown, and she jabbed a thumb at the door as she turned to Dad.

"So is tiny robo-furries draggin’ angrily apologetic kids who wanna say sorry to your ceiling outta your house normal, or-?"

"More normal than it probably should be." Dad replied thoughtfully, and she snorted, downing her glass in one go.

"I leave you alone for what ain’t even more than ten years and visitin’ you looks like it’s gonna turn into some messed up acid trip shit. I was worried you’d a lost it but looks like you stayed just as not sane as you never were and the rest of the world went off the deep end. That mean the dog stuff was true too?"

"I am sure Jade will introduce you to Bec later, if you require some kind of visual reassurance."

"Hell, I wanna get a load a that shit just ‘cause it sounds rad as fuck." She snickered, and Dad disappeared into his study completely, reappearing a moment later with a big, dusty black book. "Looks like you ain’t had that out in years," She observed, voice more serious. "That better not be true or I’m gonna poke some damn holes in you, Eggs."

Dad didn’t answer, scooting around her and rolling his eyes at the accusing finger that was poked against his chest. He led them to the sofa, and sat with her beside him, Droog leaning over the back.

The book creaked with plastic-covered boards being parted as Dad spread it open, and even from his odd angles John could see the dark photographs and faded white-edged polaroids that graced the off-cream pages his father was smoothing down with one hand. His female guest leant in, head against his shoulder, whistling softly in disbelief.

"I didn’t even know you’d _kept_ half a these, holy mackerel. You know how long I’ve been lookin’ for most a this?"

"I did not really get rid of anything. I have boxes of albums, Meenah, if you wished to look through them all."

"Let's start with this one and then I'll dive into the rest." Her finger traced from picture to picture, lingering longer on some than others. "Man, I still remember when you an' her were small fries compared to me. Fishsticks, we were fuckin' cute."

"John looked a lot like her when he was young." Dad murmured, just barely audible over the distance, and John shuffled forward, leaning over the bannister to try to look over their shoulders.

"Where is your shrimp, anyway?" Meenah asked, and before Dad or John could answer Droog pat her on the shoulder and gestured up behind himself.

"Standing at the top of the stairs watching us like no one will notice him."

John squeaked as they all looked up at him, then cleared his throat, managing a more normal sounding voice when he waved and gave a weak, "Uh, hi!"

Dad closed the album and put it down as he stood, moving to the foot of the stairs as John finally descended in a few, quick strides. The older man had an expression of cheerful melancholy, warming up when he gave John a smile.

"Did you and Karkat deal with whatever he required you for?"

"Yeah, for now. I might need to talk to you about it, but we'll see." John shrugged, glancing over at where he was being observed shrewdly from behind pink glasses. "Um. So..."

"So. Yes." Dad put an arm around his shoulder, tugging him to the couch and gesturing at his latest guest as she rose to her feet and examine his face with narrowed eyes. "John, this is Meenah."

"Hey!" He said brightly, offering a hand. She poked it, then shook it with a crushing grip, making him wince a little.

"Yo, shrimp. Last time I saw you you were at my hip, what the fuck happened? Is the weather nice up there?" She let his hand go, and clearly to Dad continued, "He looks just like you but he's got her eyes, that's some Potter bullshit goin' on right there. Creepy as fuck. Does he ramble for hours or barely talk, which side of the gene pool did he dive into with that one?"

"Um-" John started, and she poked his stomach with a finger, ignoring his attempt to interrupt.

"Does he bake and shit? Tell me he bakes. Keepin' the tradition alive, motherfuckers. An' his boyfriend is douche-hair-whatever-his-name-is, right?"

"Accurate." Droog muttered, and John put his hands on her shoulders, easing her back with a frown.

"Bro. His name is Bro."

"I knew my Dad said somethin' weird like that." She shrugged, and John was about to ask about how her Dad knew Bro's name when she whacked a fist into his shoulder. "How's the sailin', shrimp?"

"...It's okay?" He hazarded, rubbing where she'd hit. "I mean, I'm doing well right now. We just got back from New York State, and I'm going to Texas in just over a week to see Bro and my best friend." He paused, not even sure this was how he was meant to answer that, but she seemed to be interested so far. "I'm going to a birthday party there."

"Sounds like you're all busy an' shit." Meenah grinned, a sharkish smile that made John unsure if she was happy or going to bite his head off. "That's a shiny ring you got there, musta cost a ton of bucks. Looks like douche-hair knows how to reel it in."

John offered his hand to her grabby fingers, and she examined his engagement ring like a jeweller sizing up the stone, though as she looked back to him she kept hold of his hand, and gave it a warm, almost subconscious squeeze.

"I'm hella glad to know you're doin' okay, shrimp. Always felt bad I wasn't keepin' an eye on you. That's gonna change. Got you in my sights and you ain't never swimmin' outta them no more." She squeezed again and dropped her voice to add, practically whispering. "Seriously chump, you ever try to sail off like your pops an' vanish in the depths I'm gonna hunt you down and net you up nice and tight, you got me?"

"Yes?" John replied slowly, and she smiled, dropping his hand.

"Great! Then I'm sure we'll get on just _swimmingly_."

So, so far his Dad had one friend John was pretty sure was some kind of mad gangster, and another friend who seemed just straight up insane. John watched her sit back down and wondered again how the hell these people were Dad's friends at all.

Meenah grabbed the album, brushing some dust off the cover and then opening it back up the page they'd been on, though now John could actually see the pictures. He shifted around, sitting beside her as Dad nudged him to, eyes moving from image to image as he felt disconnected from reality, oddly calm despite how his heart had been fluttering with excitement even moments before.

Even as a pre-teen, Dad’s hair had been shaved short, and he was already wearing a button-up shirt with a neatly done red bow-tie, looking every bit the polite and proper boy that would grow up into the man leaning over the book and smiling fondly. Meenah looked the same, although she stood a few inches taller than him, with a thinner face and clothes that were ripped and covered with pins and patches, usually sticking out her tongue or giving that shark-smile, unchanged even after what had to be twenty years.

Between them, without fail, like every picture had to be taken in formation, sat a girl who felt familiar, even though he knew he couldn’t remember seeing a picture of her like this before. Her dark hair hung in a wavy, slightly messy bob, with a choppy fringe that curled over her white-framed glasses, a little askew like children’s glasses tended to be. Her smile was broad, dimpling her pale cheeks, fingers usually twisted into the dark blue top she wore, playing with the hem or pulling at the sleeves.

The one thing he _did_ recognise, with a dull sting through the numbness he currently felt, was her eyes.

They were a unique, deep blue, the colour of sky fading to night, brilliant and unnaturally vibrant. They were wide, innocent, excited with childish wonder. They were precisely the same colour that met him in the mirror every morning, and they felt very wrong on someone else’s face.

John felt like he should smile, or say something, react somehow to the images of them chasing each other and posing together, but all he could manage was a kind of blank expression. Silently looking the pictures over, he found they felt _unreal_ , and he struggled to take anything from them other than their face value.

Meenah turned the page. Time rolled forward. His younger-than-him Mom and Dad stood holding hands at some dance, him in a suit and her in a pretty, pale blue dress. There was something on the tip of John’s tongue, but it danced just out of reach as his eyes moved from them posing in the very living room he sat in, to them dancing together, to Meenah bursting over their shoulders with an arm around each of them. Their laughter was frozen, faded with time. It made him feel an uncomfortable emptiness, in the pit of his stomach.

His Mom had a really pretty smile. Or she _had_ done.

When she was alive.

The thought struck him and for a second he sat in a very stiff silence, staring beyond the page in front of him, feeling very cold. All of a sudden, he wondered what her laugh had sounded like, what song they’d be dancing to, what her voice had sounded like when they had been talking about whatever it was her mouth was frozen in forming. He wondered if she’d known then that the boy on her arm was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

If she’d expected that life to be long, if she’d had dreams of what she was going to do with it.

He didn’t know he was crying until his tears landed in sad starbursts across the plastic binding the photos in place, and as soon as he realised his body gave a little involuntary shudder, his breath hitching and then shaking when it gave. Meenah carefully swiped his tears from the book with the side of her thumb, and for the briefest moment her hand lingered just touching his, a subtle comfort she quickly removed.

Dad put a hand on his shoulder, and when it was withdrawn John looked up to him, watching him get out his pipe. The older man gestured vaguely towards the kitchen, heart not quite in it.

"I should go and check-"

"Okay." John mumbled, answering the real request behind his words. Dad paused, then nodded and patted his shoulder again, turning and vanishing into the other room with Droog following, expression concerned. The door swung shut as John watched it with eyes that were still a little blurred, and he only turned away when Meenah snorted quietly, her gaze down on the paths her fingers drew across the book.

"You ain’t never seen these before, have you?" She asked, voice feeling too loud and brash in his ear.

"No." He managed a small smile, but it faded almost as soon as he’d forced it onto his face. "No, Dad doesn’t... We don’t talk about her. We didn’t, anyway. And he took all the pictures down and put them away." John paused, taking off his glasses to wipe his eyes with the ball of his hand. "He used to cry a lot when they were up, I kinda remember that. I mean I knew he had photo albums but he never got them out, and I stopped asking. It just... hurt."

Meenah watched him, then tapped the card, clearing her throat. "This dance sucked." She announced, and John blinked as he pushed his glasses back on, looking down as she gestured from glossy image to glossy image. "Your pops couldn’t fuckin’ dance at all he was like a fuckin’ carp floppin’ around the floor an’ I was trying’ to give him some tips but what I got was Aranea givin’ me a lecture about fuckin’ dancin’ styles an’ how someone, _somewhere_ might find him cool an’ I just. Nope." She laughed, loudly, slapping the page. "Me an’ Eggs were lookin’ at each other over her head like what the shell she on about? Seriously, no one knew. We danced to fuckin’ lame ass shit an’ then went back to mine an’ danced to some actual decent shit together. Or I danced, an’ Aranea sat watchin’ an’ writin’, an’ Eggs managed not to fall on his face which was a pretty big success."

"Aranea." John repeated, slowly. "Was that what she was called?"

"Holy shit." Meenah’s voice dropped to a serious monotone, "You don’t even know her _name_?"

"Well no." He laughed nervously, blinking out a few more tears. "Um. I just call her Mom."

Meenah’s mouth stayed a little open, her brows knitting together, before she blinked and shook her head, nodding. "Yeah." She mumbled, voice a little thick, before clearing her throat and speaking at her normal volume again. "Yeah, sure, that’s a fuckin’ point."

There was an uncomfortable beat, and then she turned a few pages, settling on a spread of them at Christmas, sitting in front of a fire in a room John didn’t recognise with his Nanna, a little younger that in the picture over the fireplace, and two other women he didn’t know. As he went to ask, Meenah stuck her finger back to the page, tapping each of them in turn.

"That’s my Mom." She told him, pointing to the shorter of the two, a pretty, smiley woman with long hair all around her face and a neck thick with pretty necklaces. Her finger moved to a taller, pale woman, arms folded and face in a small, restrained smile. "An’ that was your Gramma. She was a piece of work, she only liked me an’ Aranea hangin’ out ‘cause Mom was rich an’ she thought she could work her way into the family business an’ shit. When Aranea an’ me started hangin’ with your pops my Mom was all for it, said he was a good influence an’ I should always be makin’ new friends. Aranea got a bit more of a worm in her ear ‘bout how she was lettin’ her standards slip an’ that sorta shit but she didn’t care. Her Mom liked Missus Egbert though. She had this idea it was like, all the single ladies, divorcees and widows all gangin’ together like yo, we don’t need no man." Meenah paused, pursing her lips. "‘Course she kinda let that down by chasin’ that one guy like there weren’t no other fish in the sea, and my Mom was always on pretty good terms with Dad, but whatever. It kept her happy, an’ that meant we could fuck off an’ actually have fun instead of listenin’ to her talk about herself."

"Did you always spend Christmas together?" John looked over them together, opening presents and talking and playing stupid party games, and for the first time he managed a more honest smile, because he could relate to how it felt, spending that time with your best friends. He could relate to the way they huddled in secretively with each other while their parents loomed, the smiles and glares as they traded presents both sincere and joking, even the awkwardness with which Dad didn’t quite hold his Mom’s hand.

"Not the first year we met, no, only me an’ Aranea did." He nodded, watching as she turned the page to pictures of them out in a large, white-covered garden, leaving tracks and snow angels in their wake. "Then my Mom found out about Eggs an’ suddenly she was invitin’ him and his Mom and we did that every year, then. It was cool. I got to show off my loot, an’ me an’ your pops would bake with Aranea hangin’ around helpin’ us with the recipe, an’ sometimes we’d go out an’ fuck around in the snow. I tried for fuckin’ years to get them to kiss under mistletoe or somethin’ but ho-ly _shit_ they’d never take no hints I swear to God." Meenah flipped through a few pages, then spread her hands to smooth the ones she landed on, tapping sharply at one polaroid. "Look, proof a the one time I made it happen. They were happily floatin’ along an’ bam, I surfaced an’ made them go through the right doorway an’ ain’t they just the cutest little shits you ever saw?"

The lighting wasn’t perfect in the picture, a flash having gone off too brightly and thrown everything into stark relief. He could see quite vividly how red Dad’s face was, contrasting with the lighter blush on his Mom’s cheeks, the way their lips were pressed together in a childish embrace that was endearing, and innocent, and inexperienced. His Mom had her hands on Dad’s shoulders but Dad’s hands were splayed at his sides like he didn’t actually know what to do with them, and John snickered and laughed and then choked on the lump in his throat, covering his mouth and closing his eyes tightly.

He heard plastic and card creak as she kept moving through the book, and when he opened his eyes again, it was to a full-page picture of a much older couple kissing, though this time with surety, his Mom in a pretty white dress laced with silver webs and his Dad in a black suit that sat more comfortably on his time-broadened shoulders.

The ease with which they held each other was noticeable, now, and though she was mostly hidden by a veil that hadn’t quite been fully pushed back from her face, John could see the curl of her blue-painted lips around the kiss, the way they both smiled into it, the pretty white marble surroundings fading to insignificance behind them. Dad had his hands on her waist, and she had gloved hands pressed to his shoulders, fingers just twisting into his hair. John could see the height difference between them - Dad was definitely having to lean down to kiss her, even with her in deep blue heels - and the way they’d filled out over time, his father now most of the way to the figure he still recognised, and his Mom curvy and with a little more substance on her still petite frame.

Meenah gave the finger tap that came before her starting to speak, and he glanced sideways before focusing intently back on his parents, seeing the small, fond smile on her face.

"When they got married it was a surprise to absolutely fuckin’ nobody. They were inseparable, glued at the hip, an’ Aranea was writin’ her fuckin’ speech - ‘cause I swear to God your Dad would sooner a drowned than given one - since we were fifteen, she knew that shit was never not gonna happen." Meenah ran a nail over a few bubbles in the plastic, smoothing them out. "I had to ninja around with a red pen an’ eraser tryin’ a keep that shit manageable, stop everyone gettin’ swept away under a tide a words. But it all came together in the end. I got a be best man, ‘cause like fuck was I wearin’ a dress an’ bein’ maid of honour, they said the sweetest vows and traded bling and made out, cue applause. We went back for a fancy reception an’ got hella drunk, I ain’t gonna lie, but it was great. She was a fine ass catch an’ your pops, he knew it. Didn’t take her for granted."

She turned the page, and there was a second full-page picture of the couple, though now facing the camera, tightly holding hands, smiling broadly.

It took him a moment of staring at her adult face to place it. The smile and the way her cheeks crinkled were all the same, her hair was a little shorter, and the one thing that really threw him was her eyes, bright and full of life.

The moment he imagined them empty, it slammed into him, half-remembered dreams rising from the back of his mind to leave him gaping at his Mom’s face and recognising it with such certainty he couldn’t understand how it had taken this long to realise.

_How?_

"She always had a thing for webs, she got that from her Mom, they were both fuckin’ obsessed with that shit. She was proud a her name, though, always makin’ sure everyone pronounced it right an’ knew where it came from." He wasn’t really listening, but Meenah kept talking, voice seeming more distant even though it was just as loud. "At the weddin’ when we got tipsy she was sittin’ there sayin’ her new name over an’ over like she was tryin’ a figure out if she liked it an’ I was like whoa girl if you ain’t down with that shit it’s kinda too late now..."

John’s mind was racing, the lump in his throat giving way to frantic breaths, trying to think of some reasonable explanation. He must just have subconsciously remembered her! It was obvious! He just remembered her somehow right down to the exact details of her face and the exact same posture and the way she fidgeted with her clothing and wow this was sounding less plausible but it totally _had_ to be true!

What was the alternative?

"...And ‘course pretty soon after than you showed up an’ made one hell of a splash, an’ holy _mackerel_ Aranea loved the shit out a you."

He still felt dazed and confused, but he forced himself to focus back on the photos she was drawing his attention to, swallowing down questions about his memories and dreams and _sanity_ for a later date. It felt a little odd as he stared down at his own, pudgy little face, two young for glasses and still without much hair at all, his small body nestled in his mother's arms as she beamed up at the camera. The wide-eyed wonder on his face was innocent and excited, and the next picture was of her nuzzling him as his little hands gripped her cheeks, mouth open in a gurgle as she smiled.

"I ain't never heard Aranea no prouder than when she introduced me to you. Kept cooin' at you an' sayin' your name like I’d forget it, kept goin' this is John I ain't even gonna try an' say your middle name Egbert." She paused like she expected him to tell her how to pronounce it, but he stayed quiet, starting to give a small smile down at the pictures of him in a sling with his Mom cuddling him and holding toys up for him. "All glowin' an' happy an' excited, see? Now the baby daddy, he wasn't quite so talkative, just kept hummin' an' cuddlin' you an' sayin' it was gonna be weird bein' called Dad by someone, he really didn't like that idea one bit at his age. He got used to it though. You won him over, shrimp, an' your Mom was in love with you from day one."

"Everyone calls him Dad, now." John’s mouth said, without his brain really having a part of it. "Even Mom - Rose’s Mom, his girlfriend."

"Rose’s Mom, huh? You got some weird ass not calling people by their name shit goin’ down here, I swear. First I get _people call me Dad_ , then I get _Diamonds fuckin’ Droog_ which ain’t no fuckin’ real name I ever hear of, now _Mom_ and whatchamacallit - _Bro_? Seriously, what the fuck is up with that? We all just gonna call you _Son_ and me _Rad Lawyer_ or what?"

John laughed quietly, and Meenah shrugged, helping him take the book off of her lap and spread it on his own. He looked through pictures of himself in places he could never remember visiting, sat on his Dad’s shoulders or clinging to his Mom’s legs, his tiny grey shirt a little too loose on him. There were all the sort of family photographs he’d longed for, them swimming together with his Mom chiding him as he tried to escape the floating ring around his waist, sat on his Dad’s bed with silly hats on playing make-believe, or just sitting together, his Dad and him asleep on the couch or his little self helping his Mom tidy up. It was all very domestic, and simple, but it was all faintly familiar, like a word on the tip of his tongue. He couldn’t remember it, and man he wish he could, but it was _almost_ there, and almost would have to be enough.

He lingered on his Dad sitting beside him at the piano, small John watching him in silent awe as he played something, melody silenced in the photograph. It made John think of the years they’d played together, as he grew older, and despite the fresh sting in his eyes he smiled at the memories, gaze slipping down the page.

"What was she like?" He asked as he ran his fingers over a polaroid of his Mom sitting beside the tree in the garden, pen poised over a large writing book she was focusing on intently. Meenah sucked in a breath, but then silence followed, tense enough John shifted in the seat and almost looked away from the pictures until Meenah started talking, making him fix his gaze back into the pictures in his lap.

"She was pretty cool. Liked tryin’ a help people an’ whatever, regular do-gooder, y’know the type." She said, and he nodded, smiling to himself. Meenah pointed out a group of pictures of them on holiday somewhere very green, her manicured finger tapping twice over a specific polaroid, the ribbon on his Mom’s summer hat twisting out in the breeze. "Always wanted to go on adventures an’ your pops took her on as many as he could. Every weekend I was hearin’ ‘bout somewhere you’d been or somethin’ she’d seen. Thought she could see the whole world if she tried hard enough. Maybe she woulda done someday, I ain’t gonna doubt she woulda tried."

He moved on, through pictures of what must have been one of his birthday parties, his face smeared with cake around a broad, excited smile, one of his parents on either side of him and supporting him as they looked up at the camera. Then there were more domestic shots, including a few his Mom clearly hadn’t expected, mouth open and hands fixed on her hips.

"That was what she usually looked like." Meenah’s painted nail was back, hovering over one of those images. "Always talkin’ ‘bout some shit, circlin’ it back to herself like no-one would notice. She went on an’ on even if you told her to clam it, I mean I used to tell her to zip it an’ that just gave her more a talk about, I shoulda learned."

Her hand stayed on the page, so he couldn’t turn it, and he frowned. That wasn’t exactly the nicest thing she could have said, and it jarred him, a little.

"Always did that thing, too, hands on her hips or kinda foldin’ them an’ givin’ herself cleavage for miles like an’ angry Mom tappin’ her foot at some kid even before she really was one. Always tryin’ a talk at me about somethin’, didn’t care if I wasn’t givin’ a flyin’ fuck, she was sure I needed a hear that bullshit so she just kept on-"

Her breath hitched, and then she gave a little hiccup, the annoyance John had started to feel fading with an uncomfortable twist in his gut as he looked up to her, her reddened eyes fixed on the picture, cheeks flushed dark and glistening wet.

"She never knew when to shut up." Meenah mumbled, and it was mainly to herself, voice wavering more noticeably. She glanced up, and when she realised he was staring at her she quickly looked away, taking off her glasses and angrily wiping her eyes, smearing her mascara across her cheeks.

"The fuck are you starin’ at?" She snapped, and John swallowed, before resting a tentative hand on her shoulder, giving a squeeze when she didn’t push it away.

"It’s okay to be upset, you know." He said in a voice that was much calmer than he felt, echoing the sentiment Bro had passed on to him what felt like yesterday. Meenah snorted, folding her arms at him with an expression that would have been condescending if she didn’t have to blink out a few fresh tears.

"I ain’t upset. It’s been forever, I’m _over_ this fuckin’ shit now."

John watched her look back to the photographs, her lip trembling as the wet in her eyes welled up and blurred them. He awkwardly slid his hand down to her back, rubbing it and turning his own gaze back down to the blue eyes that matched his own.

"Do you miss her?" He asked, softly, and Meenah hiccuped again, before falling silent.

"Every day." She whispered at last, voice shaking with all the emotion she couldn’t keep from running wetly down her face.

Her hand slid back into her lap, and John turned the pages, pausing of one of his Mom holding him in her arms, Dad on one side with a pipe between his lips and a hand on her shoulder, Meenah on the other in a suit with her tongue still stuck out between grinning teeth. They looked a world apart from that first picture of the three of them, and the woman in the picture was now practically identical to the one in his dreams, save for her clothes. He glanced up at Meenah, and she took a long breath, cracking a sad smile.

"Last time I saw her." She told him. He nodded, putting a hand over hers and squeezing. "I was always busy doin’ my lawyer schtick by then, didn’t visit as often as I shoulda done, always regretted it lookin’ back. But that’s just life, right? You go with the current an’ before you know it you’ve been swept on past the things you shoulda savoured. Guess I kept sayin’ tomorrow an’ then one day there weren’t no tomorrows no more. There was just a funeral an’ a lotta shoutin’ an’ I lost both my best friends one after the other." Meenah put her glasses back on, adjusting them carefully before she murmured, "Aranea- When I was a kid, no one liked me. I was kinda a bitch, always liked settin’ arguments up an’ watchin’ people duke it out an’ whatever. People hung out with me ‘cause a my Mom bein’ rich an’ shit, but Aranea was the only person who really gave a shit about me. She started talkin’ to me when I was little an’ I never knew why, or why she put up with me. Don’t know what I woulda done without her. She kept me sane an’ gave me someone to talk to an’ I... I don’t think I ever actually thanked her for that. Wish I did. Wish I’d said a lotta shit that I... I didn’t." The laugh she gave sounded empty, and she looked down. "Always another tomorrow to say it all."

Meenah collected herself, then looked up and locked eyes with him, face growing set. "I don’t know shit about you, John, other than this one meetin’ an’ what Eggs has told me now he’s finally remembered we’re fuckin’ friends an’ maybe I still kinda want him around. I don’t know you, not yet, though fishsticks I’m _gonna_ know you, like it or not." She jabbed a finger at his chest, but her expression softened, and she nodded down at the book. "But she woulda liked you, I bet. Your pops did a good job."

"...Thanks." He mumbled, giving her a broader smile as a flash of bittersweet warmth shot through him. "I actually think I’d like that."

"Ha! Well you ain’t got no idea what you’re gettin’ into so batten down those hatches ‘cause I ain’t gonna give you nothin’ but a rough time." She gave her shark grin, but it faded quicker, and she freed her hand to clap him on the back. "We’ll see what you’re made of, shrimp."

John let her take the book back as she reached for it, casting his gaze over the picture one last time before looking up to the door his father had recently vanished through, a frown replacing his smile. "He’s been quite a while." He hummed thoughtfully, and Meenah nodded, nudging him with her shoulder.

"Probably smokin’ like his life depends on it, or drinkin’, or both. He ain’t ever been one to get all emotional in front of other people, even when we were little he’d go an’ hide if he wanted to cry or shit." She said, elbowing him more insistently. "You should probably go an’ see what’s up with him like a good lil’ kiddie. That’s part of the whole family schtick, right?"

John stood, stretching his legs and heading for the door. Before he reached it she whistled for his attention, and he paused with his hand on the door handle, looking around at her.

"Do me a favour, yo. If you’re gonna have some Dad-son bonding time or whatever, you send that hot piece of ass in the expensive suit back out here." Her grin spread, her eyebrows waggling at him. "He can give me some eye candy an’ conversation if you know what I mean."

"Droog is sort of insane." John said flatly as a warning, and she laughed, nodding emphatically.

"Oh I _know_ , I got that pretty fuckin’ quick, but he’s my kinda mad and that suit is worth more than some people earn in a month so I’m not gonna complain."

He shook his head as he turned away, hearing her snicker and then sigh contentedly at the photo album before he moved into the kitchen, into a silence that felt like it had begun sharply because of his entrance. Droog stubbed out a cigarette into an ashtray that had been placed on the kitchen counter between the older men, glancing from Dad to John and neatening his loosened tie.

"Uh. I think Meenah wanted you." John told him, his confidence from moments before already wavering. Droog nodded curtly, and with a brief squeeze of Dad’s shoulder he moved out of the room, the sound of the door shutting in his wake seeming loud in the quiet left between them. Dad was staring out of the window, and though his expression was calm it was quite obvious until recently he hadn’t been, cheeks and eyes still a little red. John coughed, taking a step closer, then shoving his hands in his pockets and lingering, unsure of quite what he was actually here to do.

"She was pretty, wasn’t she?" Dad said before he came up with anything, and John blinked, before nodding, rocking on his heels.

"Yeah." He answered, then nervously added, "Meenah told me about her. She sounds like she was great."

"She was." His father murmured, with a small smile.

Silence returned, and John felt fine, for a moment, even managing a smile back. Then it was like a wave rolled up him, washing the lump back up into his throat as his eyes blurred with tears so fast he’d barely felt them start to sting. His shoulders shuddered once, then hunched as he shook and gave an open sob, everything flooding him in a rush he couldn’t stop that just hurt, hurt something deep inside him, mixing like cold nausea in his stomach as his heart pounded in his ears. This wasn’t okay. _He_ wasn’t okay. It hurt and he couldn’t think of anything to do to stop it, this emotion that had risen up from wherever he’d locked it up for all the years he’d just lived without dwelling on her, trying to convince himself he had dealt with living without her, that because he barely remembered her it somehow made it better.

It didn’t.

His heart was aching.

He was spluttering on another sob when he heard Dad move, and then arms were around him, tightly, his face buried in his father’s shoulder and smearing wet over his suit, which somehow felt important through the pain. His hands freed themselves and grasped at Dad’s back, digging into the black fabric, holding on tightly as he shook and gave a childish wail.

Dad held him, and John could feel him trembling, though the solid form of his father still anchored him, made him feel safer, gave him something to lean on.

"Dad-" He tried, voice hoarse, and was shushed, though he was squeezed tighter for a moment.

"I know, John." Dad told him, voice unsteady and thick. John clung to him, and let the wave keep rolling over him, desperate for it to be over. He took a few gulping breaths, and felt Dad rub his back, soothing him as he repeated, softly. "...I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _whispers I'm sorry_
> 
> So! UM. Hello cherubs.
> 
> I have two things to ask you guys and I'd love some answers.
> 
> First of all, I've done a section of long chapters now, and I'd love to know if you prefer them, or basically any feedback about the short/long chapter thing and what you think??? I'm still a little torn about which way to go for the rest of the fic, back to short-but-quick updates, or sticking with longer-but-longer-between-them updates, and I really need to know what people think to make up my mind!
> 
> Secondly, I would kILL FOR AN EDITOR. Me and Gobetti write this stuff and our schedules are already limiting how much writing time we have, not to mention a lot of my betas got busy and stuff. A proper editor/proof reader would help a ton, but I mean, this is _not_ a small fic and I need someone who's willing to stick with me! If anyone is willing to help out or something, comment or shoot me a tumblr ask, yo. I don't bite. ~~Often~~. I do, however, type shit like _he paused with his door on the handle_ , so y'know. I might need a teensy bit of help with that... .
> 
> Okay, genuine serious-author-stuff out of the way! THERE WAS A POOL PARTY TO WRITE I SHOULD GO DO THAT. _Allons-y!_


	114. ==> Bro: Keep Listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes they just talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so we are officially switching to short/long mixed chapters, which will mean faster updates with lengths that change depending on what's needed at the time! Hopefully this is a good change, and I certainly feel a lot better about it.
> 
> I also had a great freaking response to my request for editors?? Like wow cherubs, you rock! This chapter my lovely editors were [AR](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lil_Hal) and [Emmy](http://the-mad-king-ryan.tumblr.com/), and they were both fantastic uvu You guys are awesome. Yes.
> 
> Now! Awaaaaay ~ !

TT: So what happened then?  
EB: well, then we cried for like three hours and hugged it out like manly men.  
EB: it was pretty rough, actually. my voice is still kind of hoarse.  
EB: dad didn't really say anything else about mom, though  
EB: he just hugged me and then said he was sorry for leaving everything so long, but i mean seeing how he was i guess i can understand why he did.  
EB: i mean i thought i'd react better than this, but nope. apparently not.  
EB: maybe it's a good thing it was left until now?  
EB: because i'm old enough i can bear it.  
EB: then again maybe if he hadn't hidden it all i wouldn't be having to bear it because it wouldn't have even been such a big thing???  
EB: i don't know, but it's done now, so that's that.  
TT: Are you okay?  
EB: i'm just as okay as when you asked me that five times two minutes ago.  
TT: Am I not allowed to be worried about you?  
EB: i'm fine, i guess.  
EB: it's all still in my head and i'm this weird happy-sad, i don't even know exactly, but i'm fine.  
EB: i can cope with this. i'll get through it.  
TT: If you need to talk, I'll always be here.  
EB: i know, bro.  
EB: thanks.

Bro leant back in his chair, clasping his hands on the back of his head and sighing as his eyes moved back up their conversation. For all John said he was fine, but the sudden pauses in all messages from time to time, and how badly he’d started making typos when he was telling Bro about what he’d been told about his Mom, suggested otherwise. It was frustrating, not being able to do much more than type to him. John had said he couldn’t talk on camera because he might wake Dad and Jade up, but that felt like an excuse, though Bro didn’t want to push it.

He just really, _really_ wanted to hug him.

Blowing out through his nose, he moved his fingers back to the keyboard.

TT: So you and Dad hugged it out.  
EB: yeah.  
EB: we calmed down and cleaned our faces up and he asked if i was alright, so i said i guessed so?  
EB: and i asked him but he just gave me this really little smile and didn’t say anything.  
EB: we went back out to the living room, though, because that was the end of family crying in the kitchen time apparently.  
EB: the way things are going i’m seriously starting to think son and dad bawling their eyes out time is going to become our equivalent to a games night.  
TT: There’s always the Strider family tradition of ‘going up onto a roof and hitting each other with swords’ time, as an alternative.  
EB: yeah i’m pretty sure dad would kick my ass.  
EB: i really don’t ever want to actually strife him, because unlike some people who i won’t name, i’m not an idiot.  
TT: He started it.  
EB: he ended it too if i remember right.  
TT: I wouldn’t know, I personally don’t remember beyond him knocking me out after I’d given up. Which I’m still not entirely over, by the way. Thanks for reminding me about that.  
EB: so yeah i’m not even strifing him for fun.  
EB: i’m totally fine with sticking to this crying thing if that’s my other option.

”Dave,” Bro turned his head a little and called, as it was suddenly on his mind, “Did you put all my swords away?”

”What?” Dave’s voice drifted in, followed by a snort. “No, I left them in the kitchen as a pile of shitty anime props sadly reminding the world that their fucking owner can’t be assed to lift his dainty little finger let alone pick them the fuck up.”

”If they ain’t up on the wall I’m gonna go find every fucking piece of clothing I put away for you and donate it to some charity for underprivileged hipster shits.”

There was a scrabbling sound, and a few metallic thuds, softened over distance. “They’re away.” Dave called casually, after a silence, and Bro rolled his eyes but let it pass. John was typing again anyway, and any sort of retribution strife would be better when Dave wasn’t expecting it, if he decided this deserved one.

EB: but yeah!  
EB: me and dad went back out and he spoke to meenah and droog and i just kind of awkwardly sat there drinking like ha ha yeah i’m not involved in this at all and that’s totally not awkward!  
EB: but it didn’t last that long, so it was okay in the end.  
EB: i guess meenah and droog got on pretty well though because when droog had to leave she gave him her mobile number and did a load of waggling her eyebrows.  
EB: those things were out of control.  
EB: then she stayed for dinner and other than trying to stab me with her fork every few seconds for some reason???  
EB: she was pretty cool.  
EB: i’m actually looking forward to seeing her again!  
EB: with less crying.  
EB: hopefully.  
TT: Hopefully?  
EB: well given how today went i’m seriously not sure i can guarantee anything.  
EB: at dinner she kept on looking at my eyes and she got all teary and that was kind of sad and uncomfortable.  
EB: but she promised she’d get over it and i know we all will.  
EB: we just need time.  
EB: and we’ll be okay.

There was another pause, the pencil appearing and disappearing a few times as John started and stopped writing. Bro distractedly cracked his knuckles as he watched, then hummed, deciding maybe a change of subject would help cheer up the boyfriend he still _really_ wanted to cuddle.

TT: You set for the trip?

He paused and quietly cursed, wondering if that wasn’t so much a subtle shift as it was whacking the old conversation away with a sledgehammer. The pause continued long enough his fingers were hovering to apologise, but then John messaged him, and he breathed a soft sigh of relief.

EB: i think so??  
EB: today kind of distracted me.  
EB: i was going to leave the stuff i’m bringing packed but then when i got up here i was kind of dazed and i put everything away.  
EB: i can’t even remember doing it i just know my full case is now empty and so far everything has been where it should be.  
EB: except lil bro.  
EB: who i put in my chest for some reason?  
EB: he seemed pretty comfy in there though so i haven’t moved him.  
TT: Well to be fair if he’s anything like me he’ll have no problem hanging around in dark enclosed spaces where he can jump out unexpectedly at people.  
EB: i’m not sure how he’s going to jump out at people unless i load him with a spring so he jumps out when dad  
EB: oh my god  
TT: You should load him with a spring.  
EB: i should load him with a srprikbnxksdf  
TT: …?  
TT: John?  
EB: so dad just came in to say goodnight and nope i will not be loading lil bro with a spring.  
EB: i’m also going to need a minute to clean cake off my keyboard.  
TT: I want to tell you I’m not laughing at you, but that would be a lie.

He snickered through the silence, cocking his head towards the door, listening to Dave and Dirk trying to figure out what was still edible in the kitchen. When his brother called about ordering out, he answered with a vague affirmative, and left them to sort out what they were actually going to have, more pressing things to attend to.

EB: bluh!  
EB: i don't think i'll ever get all of the frosting out.  
EB: i think i'm going off cake again.  
TT: Don't say that, John.  
TT: How will you be my perfect housewife if you don't bake me sweet Egbert-style confectioneries?  
EB: omfg bro.  
EB: hey!  
EB: who said i'm the wife in this relationship??  
EB: you're the one who's worn dresses before!  
TT: Yes John, and that in no way impacts how masculine I am.  
TT: I am a man who has worn dresses.  
TT: Doing so did not instantly make me switch my preferred gender. Doing so did not mark me as "more of a woman" than you.  
TT: A dress is just a piece of clothing and I am just a person who chose to wear it.  
TT: I'd hope you have no problem with that.  
EB: wow.  
EB: you get really mature when you talk about that.  
TT: Let's just say I've had experience with people being utter shits about this kind of thing before.  
EB: sorry if i actually upset you.  
TT: You didn't upset me. You reminded me you still have a lot to learn, but you didn't upset me.  
TT: What would upset me is never getting to savour one of your fucking incredible desserts again.  
EB: you really think they're that good?  
TT: John. You bake quality shit.  
EB: heh.  
EB: thanks!  
EB: i guess i can try to stay on good terms with cakes.  
EB: just for you.

His brief frown was replaced with a small, silly smile which he tried to smooth from his face even though his mouth kept insisting on turning upwards. Even though it had been long enough he was feeling content calling this an established relationship, there were little moments, things that caught him off guard, left him beaming like an idiot.

_Just for you_ was apparently one of them.

He leant his head on one hand, cheeks heating up a little, half from warmth and half from embarrassment. He was too old to act like he had a high school crush! Knowing that wasn't going to do anything to his stupid expression, though. At least no one was around to actually see it.

EB: i'll pack everything up again, it doesn't matter.  
EB: it's just time i could have spent laying around doing nothing!  
EB: so it's probably not a huge loss.  
TT: You sorted out getting here?  
EB: jade said she thinks bec will take us!  
EB: but she did say he might also leave us in the arctic or something.  
EB: so i'm going to hope he's going to be nice because i'm pretty sure he doesn't follow commands he just sometimes does what he's asked to by coincidence.  
TT: Yeah, with that fucking dog I'd believe it.  
EB: bro, do you ever think it's weird?  
TT: What's weird?  
EB: you know  
EB: bec?  
EB: and all his weird stuff he does?  
TT: Sometimes.  
TT: But it's there in front of us, isn't it?  
TT: We can question it all we like, it doesn't make it less real.  
EB: i know, that's what jade says!  
EB: but  
EB: okay, look, if bec can do all that cool stuff, do you think other weird stuff might be real too?  
EB: like i don't know.  
EB: dreaming about stuff you don't think you should be able to?  
TT: Well that's a terribly specific and informative question, John, that I'm not confused by at all.  
EB: um  
EB: on second thought it doesn't matter!  
EB: i'm probably being weird.  
EB: forget i said anything!  
TT: Hey, I didn't mean it like that.  
EB: no, it's fine. it was a stupid question anyway.

Bro narrowed his eyes, but let it slide. John would bring it up again, if he did want to talk about it.

"Yo, Brosephine." Dave called before the door creaked and Bro looked over his shoulder to his shirtless brother leaning into the room. "Dirk paid with your card, hope that's cool 'cause he already did it."

"Yeah, sure." Bro shrugged. "It can come out of your allowance."

"What? Fuck that, Dirk's the one who did it!"

"And you're the one who let him. Dave, where the hell is your shirt?"

"Oh." Dave looked down at himself thoughtfully, then waved a hand dismissively. "Dirk was trying to turn whatever the new fucking species in the kitchen used to be into something we could eat and he managed to splash it on my shirt and long story short I'm pretty sure that shit needs to be incinerated now because its probably classed as some kind of virulent health risk at this point so I stuck it in a bag and Dirk said he'd get rid of it for me."

"It can't have been _that_ bad."

"I'm pretty sure that stain was _looking_ at me, Bro. I think that fine garment would fail the sniff test entirely because my nose ain't getting near it without starting to burn."

Bro shook his head, glancing back at the pencil on the screen before hazarding, "So what exactly is Dirk doing now?"

"He was sorting his Christmas presents into creepy little piles and sitting cataloging them or something I don't even know. He kept on petting his fuzzy stuff." Dave fidgeted, then nodded to the screen. "You talking to Mrs Strider?"

"You spoken to him?" Bro replied, an indirect confirmation that Dave acknowledged with a little nod.

"Nah, I tried messaging but he said he really wasn't in the mood to talk. Is he, uh..." The younger Strider looked away, rubbing his neck. "Is he mad at me or something?"

"What the fuck would he be mad at you about?" Bro said slowly, and Dave shrugged lamely.

"I dunno. Christmas? The whole fuckfest that went on with me and him? There's a load of stuff, man. I thought it was cool now, but-"

"Dave, trust me, his mood right now has fuck all to do with you, okay? Sometimes shit that isn't us puts him in a bad mood, which I know after that whole ‘fuckfest,’ as you put it, seems like a shock." Bro grimaced, then repeated, reassuringly, "It's nothing to do with you. Give him until tomorrow, then I'm sure he'll be cool, alright?"

"A'ight." Dave gave a long breath through his nose, then nodded. "You want a shout when pizza turns up?"

"What did Dirk get me?"

"Fuck knows, but he said you liked it when you were nineteen."

With that, Dave had swung on his heel, the door swinging almost shut in his wake, and Bro stared at where he'd been for a second before snorting and turning back to his screen.

EB: anyway!!  
EB: travel is apparently covered and kar said him and dave were arranging stuff but that he'll be in dave's room.  
EB: which is fine because i was sort of assuming i'd be with you.  
EB: i will be in with you, right?  
EB: ...right?  
EB: um.  
EB: bro?  
TT: Sorry, Dave came in looking like he was auditioning for some shitty perfume commercial.  
TT: I'd been assuming you'd be in here too, John, I thought that was a pretty established thing we did at this point.  
EB: oh!  
EB: yeah, wow, i was worried for a second there.  
EB: i guess it is? it feels weird when i think of sleeping without you.  
EB: i'll get used to it again i guess.  
EB: just go back to cuddling my bunny.  
TT: Are you finally admitting you cuddle the bunny?  
EB: bro i am a million percent sure you cuddle cal so you can't exactly say anything!  
TT: I'm a million percent sure that’s none of your business and I can.  
EB: :P  
TT: You put that tongue away or you put it to good use, John.  
EB: bro!!!  
TT: John.  
EB: dirk.  
TT: I will log off I swear to God.  
EB: sorry!  
EB: it is still your name, though.  
TT: We've had that discussion.  
EB: i know!  
EB: but like when people are annoyed they do the whole using your middle name thing, right?  
EB: i can't do that to you so using your real name is all i have!  
TT: Ugh, no, my middle name is worse.  
EB: so you do have one!  
TT: Well, shit.  
EB: what is it??  
TT: John, no.  
EB: i'll just ask dirk when i visit.  
TT: Don't you dare.  
EB: try and stop me!  
TT: Is that a challenge?  
EB: do you want it to be?  
TT: Maybe I do.  
EB: then maybe it is.

Bro smiled at the screen again, although it felt less stupid this time, pausing before he typed out a reply.

TT: I’m looking forward to it.  
EB: me too.  
TT: I was thinking.  
EB: you were??  
TT: Shut up, smartass.  
EB: (hehehe)  
TT: Well as you’re going to be staying for a week without any drama, God fucking willing, maybe we could do something.  
EB: do something?  
EB: what sort of something?  
TT: An I’d-like-to-take-you-on-a-date something.  
EB: oh.  
EB: oh!  
EB: um.  
EB: is that a good idea?  
EB: you know, because um.  
TT: I know what you meant.  
TT: It’s probably an idea that a more cautious person wouldn’t entertain, sure.  
TT: We’d have to be pretty careful, and I’m gonna go ahead and say eating each other’s faces in public is probably a no.  
TT: But I seriously don’t think us casually going to see a film together or something is going to get me arrested.  
TT: If it makes you feel better, I’ll take you to the club I work at.  
TT: I can promise you no one is going to look twice, there.  
EB: well that’s great, except i’m too young to go there at all!  
TT: John as long as you don’t drink, I’m sure Ampora won’t have a problem with you hanging around for a while to listen to music. I’ll be there to keep an eye on you so you’re seriously fine going in, alright?  
EB: are you sure?  
TT: Do you want me to check?  
EB: kind of! yes!

He found his phone and sent a text, waiting a few minutes before it buzzed and he glanced at the reply.

TT: He says it’s fine but if you touch a drop of alcohol he’s going to put a harpoon through my face.  
EB: that seems kind of extreme?  
TT: I don’t know, for him that’s pretty tame.  
TT: But seriously, you can come and hang out with me there, just me and you.  
TT: It won’t be half of what I wish I could give you, but I won’t be able to give you what I want to for a while.  
TT: Little shit like this? Just hanging out somewhere nice?  
TT: That’ll do for now.  
EB: that’s actually kind of sweet.  
TT: Even if I can’t take you out romantically, you’re still my best friend, that’s part of the whole fiance thing.  
TT: So we can go and be friends in public, because last time I check there wasn’t any legal limits on friendship.  
EB: am i your best friend, bro?  
TT: That’s not hard, John, I don’t have many friends.  
TT: But yeah, probably.  
TT: I mean Roxy might argue that, actually.  
TT: Huh.  
TT: You’re one of my best friends.  
TT: There we go, she won’t complain about that.  
EB: that’s definitely sweet.  
TT: Don’t make me regret that regrettably unironic outpouring, John.  
EB: i wasn’t going to!  
EB: you’re one of my best friends too.  
EB: i’m not actually sure who my best best friend is?  
EB: i think karkat and dave both are.  
EB: but that’s cool! because they’re both great.  
EB: so having both of them as best bros is totally fine with me.

There was another pause, a longer pause, and Bro strummed his fingers on the edge of the desk, listening to the sound of one of the consoles starting up in the living room. While thanks to late night pizza places, and their general sleep cycles, the day, as it were, was just getting started in Casa de Strider, it was about time for John to get some rest, after the travel, and the day he’d had.

He said so, and there was barely a pause before an answer appeared.

EB: no!  
EB: no.  
EB: um, i really don’t want to go to sleep any time soon.  
TT: ...Alright.  
TT: Dare I ask why?  
EB: i just  
EB: i’m worried about having  
EB: nightmares  
EB: yeah  
EB: i really don’t want to sleep right now, okay?  
EB: sorry.  
TT: You could really use it, though, John.  
EB: i know, but please.  
EB: can’t you stay up with me?  
EB: just talk to me a little longer?

Bro sighed, typing out a message but pausing with his fingers on return.

> John, I think you should go to bed. |

He stared at it, and for a moment he imagined John’s face on the other end. He’d refused to call over video, Bro knew he’d been crying and it probably still showed, his voice hoarse and him just clearly somehow _wrong_ right now. Afraid to sleep, but not talking about why.

For the first time in over a year, he remembered John as he had been the first time they’d ever spoken, eyes wet, lip trembling, and sitting alone in the dark.

”Ah, goddamit.” The Texan muttered, backspacing and then starting to type again. “Stupid sad baby panda.”

TT: Sure.  
TT: I’ll keep you company.  
EB: thank you.  
EB: i love you.

Bro sighed again, but answered with a smile.

TT: I know, John.  
TT: I love you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then they talked until John fell asleep at his keyboard. Bless.
> 
> (This upcoming arch is going to be full of pesterlogs so I hope you guys missed them!)
> 
> ~~((I did not. ; _ ;))~~


	115. ==> John: Take a Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John goes to Houston, and then goes (kind of) clubbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *A chorus of angels sing while Khemi descends from sorry-i-fucked-up-ville*
> 
> Hello, cherubs. It has been a while, hasn't it? Time got away from me, thanks to work and emotions and tragedy and stress, so I won't dwell on that and instead dwell on two important things:
> 
> 1\. I haven't abandoned this fic, I'm back to it now, here is an update and it _will be finished_.
> 
> 2\. I've written a couple of other things between these updates, but NLT just felt big and daunting and I wasn't emotionally up to facing it a lot. I've dealt with this now, and I'm proud of this fic, so hopefully that's done with and I can return to getting on with things.
> 
> I have for you a chapter, though, look! Things happen! New characters! Plot things! GASP
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it and that it was worth at least some of the wait~

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected teleporting to feel like, but whatever it was, he’d definitely been wrong. It wasn’t a _bad_ sensation, exactly, just one with way too much buzzing and tugging and feeling like he’d just been flung at high speed into a very sudden wall of heat, head spinning and stomach churning like the two seconds he’d been in flashing green had been more like an hour on a rollercoaster. Jade said you got used to it, eventually. He just wasn’t sure quite how long _eventually_ was.

The whole thing had been, well, downright _bizarre!_ John had thought they’d just be carried or something but no! No, they’d run _through_ Bec, because _clearly_ that was more sensible, and as soon as his feet touched something solid again he dropped his bag and covered his mouth as he gagged, hearing Karkat stagger next to him and then choke on a similar reaction. It didn’t occur to him until after a good minute of collecting himself that he should probably check they were actually anywhere near where they were meant to be, and with a few blinks to try and clear his blurry eyes he raised his head and squinted at the sky and buildings in front of him, then looked down at the rough concrete under his feet again.

Oh.

"We’re on the roof." He announced, and Karkat looked up, still leaning heavily forward with his hands gripping his thighs.

"Tell me there isn’t much of a fucking walk because right now I want to curl up and die in a circle of salt to ward off the shitting demon I somehow let you and Harley convince me to wander through like it wasn’t the most terrible idea since cleaning a loaded gun with your tongue." The shorter boy shuddered, shaking his head emphatically. “I’m not getting back on that thing or in that thing or whatever the fuck just happened ever again, not for anything. Fuck you, fuck it, fuck this trip, leave me here to regret my choices until I die of teleportation radiation sickness because I’m pretty sure whatever my cells just went through isn’t healthy or actually fucking _possible_ , so God only knows what it actually did to them."

"Jade said we’d be fine, Kar."

"Jade also tries to shoot butterflies on sight, so I don’t care if she’s my girlfriend, I’m still not _actually_ sure she’s sane."

John groped for his bag, swinging it up onto his shoulder and turning towards the door to the building. He clapped a hand on Karkat’s bag as Karkat reluctantly followed suit, though his friend’s eyes were fixed as best they could be on where they’d both emerged from.

"I’m never going back that way, I’ll fucking walk if I have to." He muttered to himself, fidgeting, shoulders growing tense. “The hellbeast can go back to whatever fucked up mad scientist’s lab it came out of."

For a second, the air flashed green and crackled with yellow sparks, and Karkat jumped, John managing to swallow down the yelp that almost left him. The form of Bec sitting up burnt in the air, and an image of the garden back in Washington flashing past so quickly they almost missed it. They saw a brief flicker of Jade kneeling with Seb in front of her, and then the dog, or at least the image of him, was gone, leaving Seb in front of them. He whirred a little uncomfortably, then rapidly moved to clutch Karkat’s legs.

"Yeah, yeah, it sucked dick, I know." Karkat muttered, stooping to pick him up. The tenseness slid out of his shoulders as Seb took up residence sitting on one, and despite his words he sounded more cheerful as he added, “At least you made it through. I told you to get your ass down from that tree before we went without you, but you had to be a little asshole, didn’t you?"

The rabbit gave an electronic buzz that John was sure sounded _exactly_ like every other buzz he made, but Karkat seemed to know what it meant, mumbling a _yeah, yeah,_ then turning his attention to John.

"Lead the way to the temple of leftovers, shitty swords and assholes, oh wise as shit John." He directed with a grand hand motion at the door, and John rolled his eyes but nodded, striding ahead with a growing little flutter of excitement in his chest.

He was in Texas again!

Hell fucking _yes_.

By the time they reached the door to the Striders’ apartment, Karkat was a little out of breath from hurrying to keep up, and John was smiling broadly. It was actually weird being outside it, and for a moment that brought back memories of the last time he had been, when Bro and Dad had fought and Dirk had shut down. They tugged at his smile for a second, almost made him frown, but then he realised that nothing like that was going to happen this time, and it cheered him back up again immediately. No stupid strifes, no drama, nope! Just a holiday with his boyfriend and his two best bros, and one he was going to enjoy whatever it threw at him.

John knocked a quick beat on the wood, and the squeal from inside was just enough warning he’d braced before the door was torn open and metallic arms were crushing the air from his lungs, the impact making him drop his bag with a heavy thud.

"Other Father! You were not abandoned to a cold wintery demise as Dave feared!" Dirk hummed, and John wheezed back an attempt at an answer, the machine holding him even tighter before releasing him and beaming upwards, eyes glowing brightly under his messy white fringe. “Welcome back!"

"Thanks, Dirk." John patted his shoulder, not sure what else to do, but the robot looked pleased so he figured it had been a good choice. Dirk looked to Karkat and his smile split to a broad grin.

"Karkat! Seb!" He clapped and then spread his hands. Seb hopped up and bounded over, letting Dirk hug him and then hold him up under his little arms. “You are in a lot of trouble, you know! Hiding in Karkat’s bag like that was not a very good thing to do. Human customs mean you should _ask_ before you climb into people’s luggage." Dirk paused as Seb flashed and hummed, then shook his head. “No! I definitely would _not_ climb into Jake’s luggage!" There was a flat whir, and his cheeks glowed. “Of course it isn’t _just_ because I wouldn’t fit, that would be very silly of me."

Even without eyes, the smaller robot managed to look skeptical, and Dirk laughed a little nervously. “Um. Father and Dave are in bed, I should wake them for you!" He said rapidly, turning and heading off with Seb hugged to his chest, little arms hooked over Dirk’s like a doll. The two men he left behind looked at each other, and then John snorted, grabbing his bag and moving inside, Karkat following more sedately.

"It is eleven fucking AM." The shorter man began slowly, and John nodded, patting his shoulder.

"Christmas was a special case, Kar, the Striders are pretty nocturnal."

"I want to say that surprises me. Oh wait! No I don’t. That’s the least surprising thing to happen since my Dad last stabbed something." Karkat cast his gaze over the apartment, narrowing his eyes. “Why are there so many fucking puppets? Holy shit those are his sex puppets, aren’t they? It looks like we’re in an abandoned building site colonised by a race of depraved plush mutants with little impudent asses as far as the eye can see. Who the fuck invented these anyway? Who sat down and went you know what? The world needs more felt covered phallic nightmare fuel. That’s definitely what the world needs!"

"Bro told me they came to him in a dream, but I don’t know if he was just being overdramatic." John moved over and picked one up, a particularly brilliant orange smuppet he squeaked in Karkat’s direction. “And not all of them are actually for sex, Karkat! The ones he keeps out here have soft noses and stuff." To prove the point, he bent its proboscis in half, then let it ping back into place. “See? He says people just kinda get off on them, uh. Rubbing together. And stuff. I don’t actually get most of it to be honest."

"It came to him in a dream." Karkat repeated, pulling a face. “What kind of fucked up dreams was he having that left him receiving messages from the gods of plush puppety rumps and quivering probosci?"

"Fuck if I know." The taller boy snickered, tossing the smuppet back onto the pile. “Great ones, so he tells me."

"Weird as shit ones." Bro admitted in the gravelly voice of someone who had been recently and probably abruptly awoken, pushing his unstyled hair back from his face as he emerged into the lounge in a hastily pulled on and still undone pair of jeans. “Hey, sweetheart. Wasn’t expecting you this early."

"It isn’t early." John pointed out, but his smile was wide enough his cheeks hurt a little, and he darted over to tap Bro on the nose and then kiss him, arms draped around his neck. He stomached the delights of just-woke-up kisses as Bro tipped his head into it, glove-free hands sliding over John’s cheeks. The Texan dragged his thumbs over the stubble John was regretting not shaving, then pulled back enough to hum contentedly, giving John a drowsy but affectionate smile.

"It’s too early for _me_." He clarified, then kissed John’s forehead, dropping his hands to actually do up his belt and fly. “How was getting here?"

"Fucking awful." Karkat spat before John could even open his mouth, and they both glanced over at the shorter man, whose cheeks were a little red and gaze was elsewhere. “I’m not going near that dog again; it’s a menace to reality, to people, and mainly to me and the contents of my stomach which were nearly painted beautifully all across your goddamn roof."

"That fucking dog." Bro said sagely, and Karkat nodded.

John had just slid his arms down to hold Bro’s chest as Dave appeared, dressed slightly less hastily, shades on even if they were slightly askew. John wriggled a hand free enough to get a fist bump in greeting, and then Dave sauntered past him, stopping in front of Karkat.

"Yo, Karkles." The younger Strider drawled, offering a fist.

"What, don’t I get a kiss?" Karkat muttered, sounding more glum than John expected and making him feel a little guilty. Dave froze, fist still out, then whistled, before grabbing Karkat’s arms and using the second of shock that followed to sweep him off his feet, Karkat’s hands flailing up to fist into his shirt. As the blonde made an over the top puckering face and leant in, Karkat screamed, kicking up at him. “DAVE! IT WAS A JOKE YOU HIPSTER SHIT!"

"It was?" Dave replied with fake surprise, then shrugged, abruptly letting go of Karkat so he landed on the ground with a thud. “Can’t just go around wildly throwing shit like that around, man, you’ll get a dude excited."

"You’re an asshole."

"You’re an idiot."

They glared at each other before Karkat’s expression wavered, and he covered his mouth with his hand as he gave a stifled laugh. Dave’s shoulders slumped into a more relaxed slouch, and he offered a hand, helping him to his feet. “Yo, let’s leave the little loveshits to get the soppy stuff outta the way. I’ll show you the awe-inspiring den of incredible shit that is my room."

"Awe-inspiring? Strider, I’ll bet you a hundred fucking dollars that you’ve got selfies and stupid posters and shit everywhere."

Dave meditatively regarded him, then coughed and turned. “Yeah, no, I ain’t taking that bet."

"I knew it." They headed past John and Bro, and Dave gave a vague noise about catching up later. Karkat nodded at John like a weird silent signal John didn’t actually get, before they were gone, Dave’s door shutting behind them. In their place Dirk resurfaced, at last, to sit down on the couch with Seb in his lap. The rabbit was making huge gestures with his little arms, the larger machine nodding down happily at them, and they seemed so lost in their little world that even John was getting a little sucked in trying to decipher what was being said.

He jumped when Bro clapped a hand on his back, glaring when his fiance chuckled.

"You wanna move your shit into our room?"

"Sure." _Our room._ John couldn’t quite suppress the stupid grin that decided to take up residence on his face.

Before he could object, Bro had picked up his bag and strode off with it, leaving John skipping to catch up and falling into step beside him just before the door. As soon as they were in, Bro moved to drop the case at the foot of the bed. John watched, smiling fondly, and as quietly as he could he leant back on the door to make it latch shut, then hopped over and onto the bed, sitting on the edge of it with an eager smile.

"I missed this place." He announced, tightening his fingers into the covers. He’d been here again in his dreams a lot, but he wasn’t going to tell Bro that. He wasn’t going to tell Bro _anything_ about his dreams right now, especially because since that day he’d met Meenah, he hadn’t actually had a single one that involved the person he both wanted to see and was scared of meeting again. In fact he hadn’t dreamt at all, really. Just shut his eyes and awoke again with nothing but a void in between.

It was odd, and a little concerning, but he didn’t know who he could actually talk to about it, or, even if he _found_ someone who would listen, what he could possibly say.

"This place missed you." Bro told him, without looking up from tucking his case under the bed. John smiled, watching as the Texan straightened once he was done, amber eyes warm and familiar as they settled on his face. "Seeing you at Roxy's is nice and all, but I'll always prefer having you on my turf."

"Easier to sneak up on me here?" John teased, and Bro shook his head, smile dimming to an expression John found it harder to decipher.

It took the Texan a few swift steps to reach him, and by the time John actually reacted Bro’s hands were already fisted into his shirt, their lips meeting and silencing any protest John might possibly have made. Not that he really would have done; the moment he felt Bro kiss him with more open want than they’d shared in the lounge, he melted, gripping Bro’s arms and embracing him over and over with the now familiar swarm of warm butterflies taking flight around his stomach.

His fiance’s lips were hot and soft, and even a week without them had sucked. Considering how short a time Christmas had actually been, it felt like _forever_ , and he’d already been used to it like it had been a daily routine for months by the time it came to an end. If anything, the feeling of Bro’s knee on the bed beside him, of leaning back as the Strider’s embraces grew more urgent, was somehow more normal than the time without him had been.

John hit the bed with a muted thump and curved his body up to Bro’s touch as it roamed, rolling his head back and exposing his throat as those slick lips drifted south. They settled over his pulse and lightly sucked, drawing a please hum from him, his eyes sliding shut. It took barely any time at all for his hands to fumble at the buttons of his own shirt, and Bro quickly released it, helping him wriggle out of the arms before John grasped forward and grabbed the Texan’s belt, unthreading it with practised ease, his jeans pulled open as soon as it hung loose from the loops.

"John-" Bro murmured against his lips, and John’s hands slid up to wrap into his hair, pulling them closer together until they were practically lying chest to chest. “ _Shit-_ "

"Who in their right goddamn mind puts _fireworks_ in a fucking _microwave_!"

Bro raised off of John at Karkat’s voice, hanging his head and giving an exasperated sigh. John didn’t quite let him get out of his grasp, because it had been way too long for one annoyed sentence to take this moment away from him.

"Fireworks in the microwave?" The younger man repeated, an amused smile tugging at his lips. “I thought you fixed that."

"Yeah, well, it’s been a few months, shit mighta slipped." Bro shrugged as he went to lean back down, apparently satisfied. “You’d just better hope he doesn’t open the-"

It was with a sense of inevitability John heard the abrupt crashing that cut off Bro’s words, the Texan’s brows knitting at the metallic ring and clatter of a fridge spilling its bladed guts. John weakly tried to keep hold, but Bro had flashed out of his grip before he could tighten it, gone through the door before Karkat started screaming a bloodcurdling stream of curses.

John wanted to be annoyed, but for some reason he couldn’t actually muster the emotion. Instead he just sighed, and relaxed against the bed as he listened to Karkat shouting about keeping swords in safe places, and Dave laughing, and Dirk worrying about clearing up the mess. He did up his shirt, rolling his eyes, feeling very much at _home_.

.:.

John had almost forgotten Bro’s promise the next day, until just after a lazy breakfast eaten lounging across the futon he was handed a print out of a map and annotated instructions, which he pushed his glasses on to stare at blankly.

"Um. What are these?" He asked slowly, waving them up at Bro as the Strider stood and collected the bowls so recently filled with the sort of obnoxiously colourful cereal John hadn’t eaten since he was six.

"How to get to the club." Bro replied, and instantly Karkat had stood from the floor, snatching them off John and looking them over. “I told you, I want you to come hang with me there. I’ve got shit to take care of before I head down there but I figure you’re big boys, you can get there on your own."

"Because abandoning us with a sheet of paper and no sense of direction in a busy city one of us has never set foot in before and the other knows exactly one building of is clearly the most intelligent idea ever to grace your admittedly pretty sparse mind." Karkat squinted at the map, then frowned. “Caligula’s Aquarium? Wow, no sinister connotations there at all, sounds like a really fun place, let’s all just go mad, commit murders and love horses to our heart’s content. No wonder you like working there."

"How long will it be before you get there?" John ignored Karkat’s rant as it dropped in volume, getting up and moving over to wrap his arms around Bro’s waist. “Can’t I come with you?"

"It’s boring shit I can get done quicker if you don’t, and I don’t know, but maybe an hour or two? Won’t be that long after you get there. Figured it gives you a chance to get some fresh air."

Well, that was true, and it was time he’d be with Karkat without any awkwardness, he hoped. With a little reluctance, John nodded, letting Bro kiss his forehead and then dropping his hands to push them into the pockets on his own jeans instead. He hoped it was the sort of club jeans were okay in. He’d decided to wear a green button-up shirt, so that would probably be fine, but jeans? Was there a weird rule against them in clubs? He couldn’t remember but he didn’t want to get in trouble before Bro got there.

"Am I dressed okay?"

Bro gave him an appraising glance, grabbing his coat and pulling it on as he hummed. “Looks fine to me, John. Worst that happens is Ampora has some kind of meltdown at the sight of denim and shoves you out back in the staff rooms." He put a hand on John’s shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. “Look, you’ll be fine, they’re expecting you and they’re not out for your blood or any weird shit like that. Relax."

John nodded, giving a small smile, knowing he was probably being dumb about nothing. He traded goodbyes with the Strider, watching him leave on whatever highly important and probably super dull mission he was off to complete, before turning to Karkat and putting his hands on his hips.

"So are you ready to go?"

"No. No I am not ready to go this is the stupidest thing you could ask me to do. Why don’t we, I don’t know, wait for one of the other _actual fucking residents of this city_ to wake up so they can come with us and we don’t die a horrible death alone in an alley because your dearly beloved fucked up the instructions?" Karkat pulled a face, folding his arms and crumpling the paper a little. “Not that I don’t trust him to do something simple like write out how to get from A to B, but I don’t trust him, John."

"Bro isn’t an idiot, Karkat."

"He keeps _swords_ in his cuntlicking _fridge_."

The taller man opened his mouth, then closed it again, not actually sure what he could say to that. In the end he gave a shrug of understanding, then weakly objected, “This is different!"

"Different my ass, John, this isn’t different, it’s just yet another example of how I don’t understand how that man could raise a cactus let alone two fucking children."

"Come on, Kar. Dave isn’t going to be up before midday at the earliest, and that’d be a miracle, and I don’t think Dirk’s room even opens from down here." He glanced up at the hatch in the ceiling Bro had gestured vaguely at when asked where Dirk was, then fixed back on his friend. “Where’s your sense of adventure?"

"If you want _adventure_ , go talk to Dirk’s boyfriend, not me." Karkat screwed the paper up into a ball and tossed it to John, who caught it smoothly. There totally wasn’t a problem with it! They’d get there just fine, and all waiting around for Dave would do is make them late. “You’re not getting me out of this apartment without an actual guide, John. No fucking way, no how. I’m staying right here and _nothing_ you can do will change that."

John stared at him, mentally accepting the challenge, and ignored the abrupt worry on Karkat’s face when he started to advance.

.:.

"I can’t believe you got me out of the fucking apartment."

"I can’t believe it’s been two hours and we’re _still_ having this conversation, Karkat."

Karkat looked back to the map he had demanded back as soon as John had finally put him down, having carried him kicking and cursing down enough flights of stairs he'd lost count. _Why_ did the Striders have to live on the top floor? _Why_ did Karkat have to weigh so much?

He'd made the mistake of saying both of those complaints aloud, and his arm still hurt from the punch Karkat had replied with. Since then, the conversation had looped between how fucking lost they were, what a bucket of worthless human excrement he was, and how Karkat still couldn't believe he was out on the streets of Texas and not in the den of vice belonging to their hosts, despite this being a fact that hadn't in fact changed at all since the first time he expressed his surprise.

"It says turn left at the pet store, but oh look! Unless people are keeping cups of coffee as weird chic hipster pets these days, that is a _motherfucking coffee shop_ and we are going to die under the Texan sun because your asshole of a fuckbuddy couldn't write instructions that didn't require a degree in idiocy to interpret." Karkat turned the paper sideways, like that would suddenly shed light on the true path. "Oh my God, I don't even think this map is of Houston at this point. This was a terrible idea, and if you get out of this alive without me, my ghost will piss itself laughing at Stabdad getting his hands and blades on you."

"For fuck's- Kar, give me the map."

An attempt _was_ made to duck and dodge under John's grasping hands, but it met with failure, and John brandished the map triumphantly while he held Karkat still with the other arm looped around his neck. As the small man struggled and cursed at him, John squinted at the map, sticking his tongue out in concentration while he traced their route with his eyes.

"You said to go left two turns ago, Kar, we should've gone right." Man, that looked like quite a distance. John looked back down the road, then to the small lines on the paper, trying to figure it out in his head. "I think we can get there if we cut through here."

He did his best to gesture with his nose, and Karkat stared up at him, his attempts to get free pausing.

"Wow, John. _Really_? You're really expecting me to know what tiny specific point you were just pointing to with the _whole of your face_?"

With a sigh, John let Karkat go, and tapped the page with his finger. "Here, look, if we go this way-" He traced it up, and Karkat followed with his eyes, still frowning. "-we can meet back up with the original path here, and then we'll be there in minutes."

" _Minutes_ he says, _hours_ after we left."

"Yes, minutes, now shoosh, come on!"

The walk was fairly uninteresting, even if it now had more of a point to it, and Karkat's grumbling faded with every time he checked the map and saw they were actually placeable on it, now, and they were heading in the right direction. It changed hands every few steps, as they wound their way along, until just as John reached for it again his phone interrupted him, buzzing with a message notification.

"If that's the asshole asking where we are, tell him I said fuck him." Karkat muttered, watching John pat his pockets and fish his phone out, unlocking it with a shake of his head.

"It's Dave." His eyes traced across the red, and he snorted as he started to reply. "Give me a minute."

TG: yo john where the fuck did you and my sweet little crabstick fuck off to this morning  
EB: sweet little crabstick.  
TG: dont question the details of our bromance egbert  
TG: me and karkles have an understanding and that understanding is i call him that and he screams with the uncontained fury of a thousand scorned lalondes  
TG: you just wouldnt get it its a pretty special thing me and him are rocking you better watch yourself or someone else will be sitting on the best bro throne  
TG: i mean id probably have to chain him to it and thered be a lot of complaints but hed still be in it and thats what counts  
EB: but dave!  
TG: but what john  
EB: you wouldn't replace me, how could you replace something this great, dude?  
TG: whoa give me a second to deal with all that modesty john i feel so humbled im not sure i can even type straight wow you shouldnt be so self depreciating  
EB: says the guy who reminds me literally every two seconds sometimes how i'll never have the 'strider swag'?  
TG: thats entirely different man im just being honest about the affliction of coolness that haunts my life  
TG: its tough at the top john being this awesome is a daily struggle  
EB: because obviously you are totally cool and in no way a dork.  
TG: if i didnt know you better id think that was sarcasm so youre lucky i know you so well  
EB: (hehehe)  
EB: suuuuuure.  


"So what does he want?" The Costa Rican clearly had more than a little interest, trying to slyly look across at John's phone between checking the map. John snickered.

"He was just checking on his sweet little crabstick."

" _I TOLD HIM-_!" Karkat caught himself, clearing his throat and calmly continuing, "Don't ever call me that again. Did he only just get up?"

"Told you, dude. You're lucky he's not totally nocturnal."

TG: lets get this crazy train back on the rails before it comes off them so far were dealing with a massive crash into the city of things i totally didnt come here to talk about that doesnt just forget the tracks it melts them into a puddle of unsalvageable bullshit and causes a national day of mourning for our ability to actually keep talking about one thing for more than two sentences lost tragically in the disaster before it ever reached its prime  
EB: because that metaphor really helped achieve that, dave.  
TG: that metaphor was the only thing between us and an out of control train john i dont think youre giving it enough appreciation  
TG: if it werent for my informative conversational safety public service announcement back there who knows where we might be right now  
TG: we might be discussing ponies john fucking ponies is that what you want you monster  
TG: instead of the super important vital shit were actually talking about  
EB: which is your metaphor, we are literally discussing the metaphor about not discussing things like your metaphors!!  
EB: how is that helping anything??  
TG: because shut up  
TG: now where are you and karkles bro mumma dave is worried for his little lost chicks

"According to these slightly less appalling than I expected instructions, we're a few turns away." Karkat elbowed John to get his attention, and John glanced up from the screen, flicking his gaze to the map and nodding. "We better actually be allowed in, the last thing I want after tihs travesty of a journey is turning up to be told hey, fuckwads, guess again you underage shits."

"We'll be fine, Kar." John soothed, rolling his eyes.

"You say that _now_. When a seven foot tall body building bouncer throws you out onto the street so hard you bounce ten feet into the air and every bone in your body shatters into the unforgiving dusty reminders of what a stupid fucking asshole you can be, don't blame me."

EB: well, mumma dave, can you come take back your crabstick because he’s being a whiny asshole.  
TG: john im ashamed of you talking about precious karkles like that  
TG: he is a delicate angry flower you must treat with love and affection  
TG: dont look down on his rants john its just his way  
TG: learn to accept him the way he is and you will find beneath the shouty sweary exterior lies a gentle blossom full of sweetness and fluffiness just trying to get out  
EB: i’m pretty sure beneath his shouty swearing exterior is unbridled rage that he’s barely keeping in.  
TG: well  
TG: yeah  
TG: but the rage is blossom shaped  
TG: and obviously fluffy

John muffled a laugh behind his hand, and instantly his companion was leaning up to try and see what had been said, prompting him to whip the phone up and out of view, with the chuckled explanation, "Dave’s just being a dork."

”You say that like the idiot ever _stops_ being a dork, John, like holy fuck have you spent more than three minutes with him? _Jade_ is more of a ‘coolkid’ than he is, and her idea of fun is chasing fucking squirrels around like she’s a goddamn cocksucking _dog_." John stared at him, and Karkat’s face reddened, his brows shooting down as he glared. "What? Has she never made you do that dumb shit? I just walk along behind her feeling like I should have a leash or something."

"Oh my God."

"She’s been doing that with me _months_ , how come you’ve never..?"

"Oh my _God._ "

"Shut up! It isn’t her fault she was raised in the middle of the cuntlicking ocean by a teleporting hellbeast." Karkat went to fold his arms to underline his annoyance, forgetting the paper until it crumpled against his sweater and he quickly pulled his arms apart again, trying to smoothe it. "Shit- Look, tell Dave we’re basically there, and you should probably go so that you can focus on making out with his brother in the toilets of a fucking nightclub instead."

EB: we’re finally close to the club, because kar got us lost and it took forever to get here! i guess that means i should probably go.  
TG: oh is that where you are  
TG: so glad someone told me you were going  
TG: more specifically i wish someone had told fucking english that i wasnt  
EB: what?  
TG: well i woke up and was blissfully unaware you assholes had left me alone so i wondered out expecting to find me some best bros hanging playing games or shit but what i got was jake english in all his recently showered and completely naked glory and let me tell you john that was not what i wanted to see first thing after getting up thank you very much  
TG: he heard you leave and assumed everyone had gone out so he decided he could swan about without a towel and i saw more than i ever wanted to see of him john  
TG: do you know how big jakes dick is john because i do and that piece of information is not something i ever actually wanted to have bouncing around my head like a fucking bright green overactive rabbit with massive balls  
TG: he had bruises john he had bruises and scratches and i was trying really hard to think of dirk as a sweet innocent little child but no fuck that i have seen the truth now i have seen the truth marked over the tan skin of his fucking boyfriend and it is a less that innocent truth  
TG: like fuck i feel uncomfortable with him calling me uncle and part of that was he seemed too sweet and gentle to have come from bro in any way shape or form  
TG: but there it is there we go hes actually just as demented as the other asshole and my illusions have all been shattered by the weight of evidence presented before me  
TG: a weight that lingers on my mind almost as heavily as jakes fucking dick does  
EB: dave, i think you might be dwelling on english’s dick a little bit too much there, buddy.  
TG: it will haunt my nightmares john  
TG: that dick had sex with two of my family members  
EB: if it helps i’m pretty sure their dicks were the ones doing the sex to him.  
TG: JOHN  
EB: the more you know, dave. the more you know.  
TG: ill more your know if you dont stop doing the telling me details about my brothers sexual habits thing  
TG: if i wanted to know how bro fucks id watch one of his many many porn videos i wouldnt wait for you to tell me  
EB: dave, you *have* watched his many, many porn videos.  
TG: i only watched them ironically  
EB: uh…  
TG: ironically john  
EB: tell yourself whatever makes you feel better, dave.  
EB: my angry babysitter tells me i have to go so have fun dealing with your dick-based trauma.  
EB: stay firm, dave.  
TG: dont you fucking  
EB: firm like english’s dick.  
TG: jesus christ why are we friends  
EB: (hehehe)

"I can't tell if Dave takes the irony thing seriously sometimes." John mused to Karkat, as he settled his phone back in his pocket. The shorter man snorted loudly, flapping the paper at him.

"He probably says he does stuff ironically _ironically_ , John. Whatever the fuck sort of messed up shitting upbringing he had has left him so deep in that shit I don't even think he actually know what irony _is_ anymore, he just uses it as an excuse for absolutely _everything_ people might question him about."

"Probably." John snickered in agreement. "How far do we have left to walk?"

"Across the street, aren't those irritatingly gem-comparable eyes good for anything but sparkling with nauseating affection?"

When he followed the finger Karkat had jabbed out ahead of them, it led his gaze to the building opposite, black fronted but for a fancy neon sign in purple announcing _Caligula's Aquarium_ , flanked by seahorses he had a feeling would light brightly at night. The doors had seahorses on too, but subtle, a glossy black rather than the matte of the rest of the facade, and someone had clearly taken a lot of care with the detailed, intricate spines down their backs and patterns across their heads that looked almost like reins.

They'd made it, and they were both alive! Everything had gone _way_ better than _some_ people expected.

John led the way quickly across to it, a bounce returning excitedly to his step, much to Karkat's muttered annoyance. So this was where Bro worked! It was kind of surreal, being here. With the exception of the apartment, everything in Bro's life had still felt very distant - he'd had it all described to him, he _knew_ of it, but it had still just been words and imagined imagery, rather than somewhere physical and _real_ and literally two steps in front of him, oh God, this was so _cool_!

"Are we actually going to go _in_ , or do you just intend to stand here slack jawed with amazement at the incredible sight of black paint?" The taller man snapped out of it as Karkat slapped a hand against his back, jumping and then chuckling nervously.

"Yeah! Yeah." He cleared his throat, sweeping a hand towards the door. "Women and those short enough to be children first!"

"One day I'm going to rip out your sense of humour and choke you to death with it." Karkat muttered, narrowing his eyes, but John just raised an eyebrow.

"I'm pretty sure my sense of humour wouldn't work like that, Karkat. It's more intangible, much like many other things that are simply too amazing for the human mind to handle."

"Or maybe it's just too miniscule and dumb for anyone to be able to notice it."

"You wound me. I am wounded." John pressed the palm of one hand to his chest, and the back of the other to his forehead. "I'm an Egbert; we're natural pranksters, our humour is flawless."

"John," his friend answered slowly, through gritted teeth, "you and your Dad once rigged the shower to cover me in chocolate milk and covered all the towels with whipped cream. I don't even know how you _did_ that, but you did! That's not funny, that's _insane_."

The memory had him snickering, and he dropped his hand to try to stifle it when he caught the way Karkat was staring at him. That had been _brilliant_ , and Karkat running out dripping chocolate and covered in creamy smears to a facefull of camera flash had been a moment John would treasure _forever_. If he was going to keep staying over, he'd just have to get used to it! It was their _way_.

"Just get inside before I change my mind about being here at all and call my sweet Texan dickhole to pick me the fuck up."

"Wow, the petnames just don't stop." John nudged him, and Karkat glared until John raised both hands in surrender. "Alright, alright! I'm going."

Apprehensively, and trying to look something other than totally stupid, John stepped forward, pressing his hands to the doors and pushing them open. They parted with a brief moment of resistance, and then Karkat was muttering and shoving him through them, into a world of black and purple and a huge aquarium that took up a whole wall, and certainly lived up to the club's name.

"Dude." John whistled, looking over the brightly coloured fish darting to and fro before he bothered to drop his eyes to take in the rest of the place, which was _huge_ , stairs leading to a dance seating above a large dancefloor beyond the small area of fancy tables and booths that they'd emerged into, a fancy bar along one of the walls, in front of what he swore was every drink _ever_. The seahorse motif seemed to be everywhere, catching his eyes as they moved, as did lights like bubbles and a pair of large neon waves behind what he assumed was the DJ booth - where Bro worked, it occurred to him, a small smile drifting over his awed lips. Right now, no one was there, but then again there was barely anyone around, and those who were there were drinking at tables. There was still music though, a soft bass beat and a gentle melody played quiet from the speakers, more a background hum to avoid total silence than anything to actually invade the dance floor to.

He'd never been in a nightclub before. It looked fucking _awesome_.

"Why the fuck are we in this hellhole?" Karkat muttered beside him, and he was pulled from his excited staring, turning to flap his mouth at the shorter man as he opened and closed his mouth.

"Kar, this looks like a futuristic city or something, shut up!"

"It looks like a club, John, well done. A club designed by someone who has a Little Mermaid fetish complemented by a hardon for plum and shiny things." Karkat wrinkled his nose, glaring around. "At least there's hardly anyone here, because what I would have _loved_ is being crushed between strangers so close they needed to use fucking protection. Can we just go find the douchebag, let you stare like a goldfish at this hideous shiny bowl, and then leave before I start throwing up glitter?"

John couldn’t help but roll his eyes, looking from face to face. He was half expecting people to be staring at him, but no one was paying him any attention, and gradually he relaxed. Well, no, he still felt awkward as fuck, because what did he do now? He didn’t _know_ anyone here, he couldn’t just waltz up and say hey, have you seen the DJ?

"John." His companion said slowly, and John hummed a questioning sound back, not looking to him. "Why are you looking over there instead of _at the fucking barman who is waving at us_?"

"What?" Oh. Yeah, that would have been sensible. John turned to face the bar, where a man it took him a minute to connect the name Rufioh to was indeed giving them a casual wave. "Shut up, Kar, I was just… enjoying the view."

"You’re an idiot."

" _You’re_ an idiot."

"Just start walking, asshole, let’s get this over with."

There wasn’t much else to do but exactly that, so John put on his best friendly face and strode over with a little spring in every step, shifting up onto a stool that gave a little air-pressure bounce beneath him before it settled down. Karkat complained his way into the one beside him, and then they both look forward, Rufioh leaning on the bar opposite them with a broad, lazy grin.

Karkat shook his hand as it moved over, and then Rufioh stood again, rubbing the back of his neck. "You guys are welcome to just… chill here while I work." He told them, nodding at the bar. "Call if you need anything… Hopefully Bro’ll be here before you know it."

"Thanks!" John replied brightly, and Rufioh grabbed a cloth and a spritzer bottle, vanishing off towards the other end of the bar. His eyes drifted to Karkat once the barman was gone, and Karkat sighed overdramatically back, resting his head on his hand. "See, we don’t have long to wait! It’ll be gone in no time. Uh." How to pass the time best? He knew if they just sat here, Karkat would be bored out of his mind. "So, what do you wanna do the rest of the time we’re here?" Good topic, John, safe and something they could talk about as long as needed. "You still haven’t told me what stuff you came here to do."

Karkat tensed, staring at him for seconds that started to drag by, John’s smile faltering. Uh oh. "Kar? You okay?"

"Yeah." He answered, clearing his throat and blinking his eyes away from John’s face. "Sorry. I don’t have many plans. Just… somewhere I wanna go, that I was gonna ask you to come with me to."

"...Just, uh, _somewhere_?" John frowned, voice curious more than anything, and Karkat shrugged.

"Won’t take long to get there, I don’t think. I have directions."

"Are you going to tell me where _there_ is, or is this something you don’t want to talk about? You’re being kind of…" He searched for a word, then in a hesitant attempt a concerned tone, continued, "weird. You’re not like this, usually."

Karkat paused, shoulders hunching, gaze dropping to the bar as his fingers followed the imperfections in the varnish. His mouth pulled and twisted, and John was about to tell him it was okay, they could talk about something else, when he finally spoke.

"I want to go see my Mom, okay?"

Instantly, John perked up, his smile returning. "Dude, you can actually see her? I didn’t know she lived near Houston!"

"Yeah, well, everything in our lives seems to just go around in dumb fucking circles. Soon the circle of stupidity will be complete." The shorter man gestured a circle in the air, ending it with slapping his face with his hand. He dropped it back down, voice softening. "But yeah, I wanna go see her and my annoying shitstain of a brother. I’ve wanted to since… since I started talking to her, so I mean, this situation was too good to pass on, not that I didn’t consider being a yellow-bellied piece of shit and totally running the fuck away from it rather than meet her and reveal to her how I suck dick so badly I couldn’t even succeed in doing it literally."

"Well, if you want company to go show your Mom what a _great_ kid she has," John paused pointedly, and Karkat elbowed him, cheeks flushing, "then sure, Karkat! I’d love to come with you, if you want me to."

"Thanks." Karkat mumbled gruffly, and John patted his back, smiling fondly.

"It’s nothing, dude, I mean… It’s the least I can do, after everything you’ve done for me." He rolled his eyes when Karkat looked at him incredulously, turning the back pat into a light shove. "It’s true, dumbass. Just let me be less of a dick for once without acting like it’s a shock."

"John, when it stops _being_ a fucking shock, I’ll-"

He stopped talking as the staff door behind the bar swung open, and John instantly bolted up and looked excitedly towards it, just catching the little shake of Karkat’s head. The man who had emerged and was staring at them wasn’t Bro, though, John’s shoulders slumping. He was a little shorter and stocky, with dark skin and very bright eyes that looked purple as the neon caught them, matching a streak in his damp hair, a hand still frozen where it had been running through it. His other hand was tight around the strap of the sports bag he was carrying, though he was dressed in a buttoned-up black shirt and pin-striped slacks, a scarf wrapped several times over his muscular shoulders and still hanging down to his lower back. John would guess he was about fifty, and there was a little grey in the black of his hair, lines on his face - he was definitely a _fair bit_ older than Bro, anyway.

His gaze was fixed on them, and for a moment John shifted nervously, afraid he _did_ look wrong, that they were going to get in trouble, or…

...Or, actually, the guy was staring at _Karkat_ , and had a really, _really_ weird facial expression, his eyebrows up just noticeably and his frozen hand as tense as the rest of his muscles. When it dropped, it was stiffly, and it was like it took him a minute to remember to move, because all of a sudden he relaxed, his face taking on a more blank look, albeit a slightly irritated one. The sports bag was dropped and kicked out of view, and then he moved to them, folding his thick arms as he turned his attention entirely to John.

"He’s nearly done his shit with Zahhak." It was drawled matter-of-factly, no questioning who John was or why he was there before it. Again, a hand was offered over the bar, but this time it was more confident, and with only a raised eyebrow until John took it and shook it. "Dan Ampora, I run this place and when he can be bothered a, your pet douchebag works for me."

Karkat snickered, and the hand was moved to him, taken with the smallest hint of a smile. "I prefer Eridan, though, even if that asshole won’t call me it." Bro’s boss continued, returning the same expression.

"I’m Karkat." Eridan nodded, as the younger man spoke and jabbed a thumb over at his friend. "This dick is John."

As their hands parted, Eridan used his to push his sleeves up, clearly addressing Karkat while he turned and picked out a bottle of liqueur and a glass. "Ya want one?"

The younger men shared a glance, as Eridan leaned back to look at them. "Uh." Karkat frowned, gesturing down himself, "In case it _wasn’t_ fucking obvious, I’m too young for that shit."

"Yeah, I know." Only one glass made its way back with the barman, who put it down and filled it, before pulling out his wallet and setting what John assumed was the cost of the drink aside. "Offer stands anyway." He took a sip, looking up to Karkat and shrugging a shoulder. "Look like a kinda guy who could use a strong drink."

The short man snorted, but after a pause he looked down, quietly mumbling a thanks. It made the briefest hint of a smile flit over Eridan’s lips, and as he leaned on the bar opposite Karkat, John pulled a face.

"Uh. Are you, like…" John gestured between them, as Eridan looked at him with a rapid frown, going to take another drink. "...hitting on him, or..?"

Karkat sat up so fast he nearly fell off the stool, and Eridan choked on the mouthful he’d been about to swallow, spluttering and putting his glass down as he coughed and tried to clear his throat. Rufioh jogged down to smack his back until his fit subsided, and while it did, Karkat turned and stared at John, mouth open, looking confused.

"What?" John said, covering his mouth and trying not to laugh. Karkat’s response was to slap his head and mutter _idiot_ , before looking back to Eridan as the man wiped his mouth and let Rufioh go back to work with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Why does eweryone think I’m hittin’ on them?" He complained, raising his hands in defeat, and ignoring John’s unintentional snort at his weird accent. "No, I wasn’t, I was tryin’ a be waguely nice. Jesus, can’t even offer anyone a drink anymore without it just bein’ a get in their pants."

"Sorry." John chuckled, and they gave him a synchronised eye roll, before Karkat glanced up at the drinks list on the wall.

"I’m fucking amazed everything on there isn’t some horrendous piece of shit fish pun, I’ll be honest." He said flatly, and Eridan made a little sound in the back of his throat, narrowing his eyes.

"Don’t talk a me," The man said slowly, "About fuckin’ _fish puns_."

"Wait, what? How can you decorate a place like Poseidon just vomited everywhere and not like fish puns? This is madness."

"No, this is me announcin’ fish puns are lame an’ if I wanna decorate my bar I’ll do it any way I feel like, but that ain’t a reason a ram stupid puns and cliche down eweryone’s throats to push a gimmick."

Karkat’s eyes widened, just a little, as Eridan grumbled and drank. Eventually, like the words were alien to him, he offered, "I think I like you, bro."

And Karkat had just said _bro_. Him and Dave were spending _way_ too much time together.

Eridan relaxed and even gave a broader smile back, but John was distracted from his reply by the staff door opening again, grinning widely when the person he was waiting for emerged, wiping his hands on a stained rag. The two men now deeply engaged in conversation beside John paid them little mind as Bro’s gaze fell on him, and the Texan gave a tiny smirk and moved over, only catching Eridan’s attention when he put a hand on the bar and hopped over it, landing beside John.

For a moment, he leaned in, face tilting and arms rising just enough to hint at a hug, but before John could automatically respond in kind, Bro seemed to remember where they were. They stared at each other, uncertain, feeling abruptly like every eye in the room might be on them. Awkwardly, he coughed and scratched at his chin instead, then gave John a pat on the shoulder and a smile, which John returned in kind.

John _felt_ Eridan and Karkat looking at them.

"I’m glad you made it." Bro murmured, then looked up and down the bar. "Yo! Rufioh, grab me a scotch and John a coke, would you bro?" He waited for a thumbs up, then turned his attention back to his boyfriend. "Wanna go find somewhere to sit together?"

"Yeah! Cool." John answered, voice coming out weirdly high, the fact they were out somewhere in public suddenly pressing heavily against his mind. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Eridan give Karkat a _look_.

"Is this how they always are?" The older man asked disbelievingly, Bro tensing beside John.

"You have _no idea_." Karkat replied exasperatedly, pressing one hand to the side of his face. "Sometimes John will be spewing his typical self obsessed word bile at people and amongst the shitty nonsense he'll reveal he has a boyfriend or at least a fuckbuddy of indeterminate gender but holy shit! If they commit the cardinal son of asking a cocksucking question about that mystery dick he's riding he backpedals faster than a cyclist stuck in a narrow alley with a crocodile. Boyfriend, what boyfriend, he cries! I didn't say boyfriend, said... toymend! I mend toys. Sexually."

Eridan snorted and stifled a laugh, as Bro gave John a look that made John giggle nervously and avert his gaze.

"Stri just says yeah I'm taken, he's younger than me, then waxes fuckin' lyrical about his little boyfriend at anyone who's dumb enough a listen." Bro's look quickly grew a little embarrassed as John squinted at him, Eridan's explanation to Karkat continuing beside them. "One time a drunk dick heard him talkin' a Ruf an' took the piss, sayin' he had a shota an' whatewer. Stri pretty much knock him out two minutes later."

John's eyebrows rose, Bro mumbling a vague, "...asshole deserved it."

"They're hopeless." Karkat lamented, looking at them like misbehaving small children.

"Tell me about it." Eridan agreed, with a weary, exaggerated sigh. "I mean, there was another time-"

"So, John." Bro said quickly, "How about we leave these assholes alone?"

"Sounds great!" John replied, voice just as swift, getting up and following Bro down the bar to get their drinks, elbowing Karkat in the back as they went.

Thanks to the sparse afternoon patrons, it didn't take long to find an empty, private booth, and they settled down, at first meandering through topics like how _fun_ finding the bar had been, and the weather, and what dicks Karkat and Eridan were. Their small talk came easily, and felt light, mostly rambled and pointless, until it drifted off and left Bro just giving John a small smile, hands playing with his now empty glass.

"What are you smirking at?" John asked suspiciously, and the Strider shrugged.

"Nothing in particular. I just like it when you're around."

John felt his cheeks heat up, staring at Bro and his dumb expression before kicking him under the table and taking a drink, trying to hide his blush behind the glass. He was well aware he failed.

Bro let him hide for a minute, before he leaned over and tapped the glass, getting John to lower it. "You gonna stay for my set?" He asked quietly, and John nodded, smiling.

"Duh. Like I'd miss that!" The younger man rolled his eyes, but all Bro did was flash him a brief grin. "I bet it'll be awesome."

"Eh, it'll be a'ight." Bro waved a dismissive hand, but his actual genuine happiness was obvious. "Hey, when I come to Washington, I wanna sit and hear you playing piano. Actually in the flesh. You cool with that?"

"I _guess_ we could manage that." John hummed thoughtfully, trying to ignore how his stomach fluttered at the thought of Bro with him at home. The Strider smiled earnestly, and John beamed back, though it and the warmth within him faded just a tiny bit when their hands went to hold each other, then stopped and fell to the table as their surroundings once more occurred to them.

They were probably safe, but they couldn't be too careful. John knew he'd have to just learn restraint. He smiled apologetically at Bro, who sighed, then leaned closer, speaking softly.

"I promise, when we get home later, I'm gonna do all the shit I wish I could. I'll give you everything I can't now. All that stupid little hand holding and kisses and hugs I want to, okay?"

John's breath hitched, and then he whined, covering his face with his hands, kicking Bro harder under the table.

"You're being cute, and we're in public!" He complained. "I can't kiss the smug smile off your face now. You need to stop being adorable."

"I'm not adorable." Bro snickered. "I'm-"

"-Not cool as fuck, either!"

Bro kicked him back for that one, and with a little giggle John returned fire, each blow and dodge building into a full on kicking war under the table, trying to look casual above it, even though it even drew a soft, deep chuckle out of Bro.

Between kicks and small talk and conversations about the fish that sometimes drifted by behind the glass of the wall, time flew, their voices rising gradually to accommodate the large change in the number of patrons, and the volume of the music and chatter. It felt like no time at all had passed, when Bro checked his watch and told John it was time to do his thing, offering to walk the younger man back to Rufioh before he had to go.

John revelled in the now surprisingly thick crowd giving Bro a reason to hold his hand tightly, squeezing it as he pulled him along, through the bodies.

Bro murmured a goodbye as John settled on a stool at the bar, managing to grab what he was pretty sure was the last empty one. He answered with a _good luck_ , then watched Bro out of sight, the swelling throng of club goers consuming him rapidly and hiding him from view.

"Where's Karkat?" John called over the bar, after he was sure he couldn't see him either, and Rufioh shrugged, not missing a beat in shaking up the cocktail he was currently creating. He was no longer the only worker behind it, although John appeared to be seated on his stretch of it, and though he vanished to and fro he always quickly came back.

"Him and the boss man were getting on pretty dope... They headed off to talk more... Before everything got so busy." The barman paused long enough to pour the drink and serve it, collecting payment and another order. "Never seen Dan get on so well, so fast, with anyone... That kid's got a gift."

"I'm just glad Karkat found someone he likes." John replied, looking away and craning his neck to see Bro. "We'll find him later..."

His eye was caught by blonde behind the equipment across the dance floor, and he smiled as he watch Bro finish getting into place, sliding on earphones and hovering his hands up and down the panels carefully, giving John time to settle in and devote his full, excited attention to the music, and the clubbers, and the DJ beyond them.

Then Bro dropped his hands, the prerecorded track ended, and with a rising bassline and the skillful trip of fingers over seemingly alien technology, John was lost in admiring his boyfriend in his element, eyes for no one but the blonde quickly held deep in the music's sway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And lo, the Prince did break it down.
> 
> And it was good.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Differential](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1103581) by [afractionof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/afractionof/pseuds/afractionof)




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